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The names and identifying characteristics of some persons describedin this book have been changed, as have dates, places,
and other details of events depicted in the book.
8 WEEKS TO EVERLASTING.Copyright 2012 by Amy Laurent. All rightsreserved. Printed in the United States of America. For information,address St. Martins Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.
www.stmartins.com
Design by Patrice Sheridan
LIBRA RY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA
Laurent, Amy. 8 weeks to everlasting : a step-by-step guide to getting (and keeping!) the guyyou want / Amy Laurent with Kristen McGuiness.1st ed. p. cm.
ISBN 978-1-250-02062-8 (trade pbk.) ISBN 978-1-250-02063-5 (e-book) 1. Dating (Social customs) 2. Man-woman relationships. 3. Intimacy(Psychology) I. McGuiness, Kristen. II. Title. III. Title: Eight weeks toeverlasting. HQ801.L328 2012 306.73dc23 2012016342
ISBN 978-1-250-02062-8
First Edition: August 2012
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
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This book is not about getting the guy. Its about gettingthe guy you want and not wasting time on the ones who arent
right for you. You have the power to decide who youre in a
relationship withwhether its by your behaviors or by your
actual choice.
Most women assume that the opportunity for romance
starts on the first date. Well, Im here to tell you that oppor-
tunity begins right now. Yes, now.Because there will be no
first date until you get some basics down, and that includes
the basics of being a woman in the twenty-first century.
You dont need to change a single thing about who you
are. But you might need to start changing some of the things
youre doing.
Think about it: What separates the daters from the non-
daters? Its not beauty or every Hollywood actress would be
married. And its not career or every Hollywood actress
would be married. No, its all about howyoubehave.
Before You Begin
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Are you a strong, independent woman who has her own
hobbies and interests in life? Do you have a network offriends and an active social life whether youre in a relation-
ship or not? Are you out there meeting people, reaching out,
being open to going on dates no matter who the person is or
what he does for a living? Do you desire a healthy relation-
ship? Or are you just desperate for one?
You dont need to change a single thing about who you are.
But you might need to start changing some of the things
youre doing.
Because there is nothing that sends a man running like a
woman who doesnt want to do anything but obsess over him.
Thats boring for him, and I promise, youll get bored pretty
quick, too. So lets talk about how to date, and how not to
date. Its pretty simple stuff. So simple we all work very hard
to complicate it.
This is not about teaching you how to play mind games, or
how to pretend youre too cool when youre really a nice, sen-
sitive, and open woman who just wants to say whats on her
mind. If thats who you are, own it. But no matter what, you
still have to be aware of that little dance everyone does when
theyre first getting to know someone. Youve been messing it
up not because you were being yourself, but because you
were being yourself while ignoring all the things you need to
do in order to build a proper foundation for a relationship.
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Before You Begin
No more excuses or whining. You need to start dat-
ing the right way, the way you were never taught, and yetsomehowmiraculouslyare supposed to be an expert at.
Thats why Im here.
I am your expert, and its a role thats been hard won.
You see, Ive learned these lessons through my own field re-
search. Ive been hurt, dumped, and left brokenhearted by
men I thought would be my knight in shining armor. Andwas it always their fault? Sadly, no. Though I have certainly
dated my fair share of a**holes, I also had to start looking at
myself. What was my part in all this? Where was I to blame?
And, like you, I had to learn how to do something different.
Best Foot Forward
Lets face it: first impressions count. I have been on way too
many dates were the guy looked as if he just came from the
gym. I couldnt help but wonder if he was actually working
to not impress me. And the same goes for you. Sometimes
you may walk into a date looking as if you just rolled out of
your bed, or even worse, someone elses bed. In many ways,
going on a date is like going on an interviewand for pos-
sibly the most important position of your lifeso dress like
it. This has nothing to do with looks. I am sure if you looked
around at all your friends in relationships, you would quickly
realize that its not about being a supermodel.
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You need to play the part if you want to get the part.
First impressions are all about the packagingwhat
youre wearing, how youre carrying yourself, whether youre
presenting yourself as a confident and self-assured woman or
someone who doesnt have the energy or esteem to put her-
self together. In order to get the part, you need to play thepart. You should wear an outfit that speaks to who you are
this is not about being someone elsean outfit that youd
be comfortable wearing to dinner with your family. No cleav-
age, no skirts so short you cant bend over, and no heels so
high that you cant make it down a flight of stairs. On the
other hand, you also dont need to go on the date looking like
a nun, so watch out for anything that either hides your body
so much he cant see youre a woman or anything too boyish
that he mistakes you for one of the guys. As one of my clients
recently told me, Theres nothing worse than showing up
to a date and shes wearing the same clothes as me. So stay
away from power-woman suits or active-wear gym clothes
even if your Lululemon yoga pants look great on you. Basi-
cally, if its nice enough for church or the holidays, then its
nice enough for a date. If you wouldnt wear it in front of a
preacher or your grandmother, then dont wear it out with
a man you are meeting for the first time.
The same goes with your grooming. If you usually dont
do your hair or wear makeup, fine. But you can manage to
pull out the hairbrush and put on some Chapstick so you
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STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF
When it comes to dating, you should never be someone
youre not. For example, I cant stop talking. Ever. Ive
been this way since I was a little kid and youre certainly
not going to get me to stop now. Especially not for a
man. When I go on dates, I am the same silly, bubbly,
energetic nonstop talker that I am in every situation in
my life. I wish I could come in and be some mysterious
Angelina Jolie type, all brooding and sexy, but I cant.
But thats not a problem. I know from the men I
have dated that they love my energy. I make them
laugh and feel at ease, and they have a lot of fun in mypresence. The problem is not my personality. Nor is it
yours. You are fine just as you are. Whether youre an
extrovert like me or the quiet and mysterious type like
Ms. Jolie, the trouble doesnt come in who you are, but
rather in how you act.
look fresh in your natural beauty. You want him to see that
this date is important to you. You dont need to look likeyoure about to step onto the red carpet, but you do need to
get ready with the intention that you might be meeting
someone very important. You would want him to look nice
for you, so how about looking nice for him?
Before You Begin
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The Power of Positive Dating
For any woman who complains that there arent any good
men out there, my first question is: Are you looking for them?
Because Ill tell you right now, Mr. Right is not circling your
block, waiting for you to come out of your house. And if
there is someone doing that, call the cops. Now.
Mr. Right is out busy living his life. Hes sitting in trafficlistening to morning radio. Hes answering his phone at the
office and rolling his eyes at his boss. Hes out with his friends,
playing darts at the corner bar, and scoping the room for a
cute girl. Hes going back to his apartment at night and watch-
ingSports Centerwhile he checks his e-mails before he goes
to bed. He is busy. But he is also waiting for you.
And here is your chance to find him.
But first you need to leave the house.
If youre going to be a powerful dater, you need to have
a powerful life. You, like him, need to be busy. Because one
of the things I do remember from years in school learning
stuff I can no longer apply is that a body in motion stays in
motion. The same goes with dating. If you are out there, hav-
ing a good time, you will attract people who are looking to
have a good time with you.
If youre going to be a powerful dater, you need to have a
powerful life.
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Before You Begin
WHERE THE BOYS AREThere are men everywhere. I mean that. Go over to
your local market right now to pick up some milk, and
chances are you will see one. They are out there and
theyre actually easy to meet. You just need to ask the
right people and get out to the right places. Here are
eight suggestions.
1. Bars and restaurants. I know people say youll
never meet your boyfriend at a bar but that is so
not true. As long you only give him your number,
and dont go home with him, your future boy-
friend could be at your corner pub or restaurant
right now.
2. Friends and family.Lets face it. They know people.
A lot of people. Some of whom are probably won-
derful single men. Dont be afraid to send an
e-mail or make some phone calls and ask for their
help.
3. The office. Workplace romance? This can be a
little difficult to negotiate. However, we spend
most of our time at the office, so dont shut some-
one down just because you work with him. And
dont be afraid to ask your coworkers if they have
any single friends.
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4. Online dating. By far the easiest way to get a
date these days. Sure, there might be a lot of
frogs on the Internet sites, but there are also a lot
of princes. Match, eHarmony, OKCupid all have
eligible men looking for eligible women.
5. Intramural sports.Though its important you main-
tain your role as the girl in a relationship, letsface it, most guys love sports. So if there is a sport
you love, find a coed IM team and join it.
6. Hobbies.Remember when you were a kid and
you played piano or took a pottery class? Well,
its time to find that inner child and take classes
in things that youve always wanted to do, espe-
cially ones with other peopleno private les-
sons. Youd be surprised how many men are
doing the same thing, and how many cute
teachers are leading them.
7. Concerts, comedy clubs, sporting events. Basi-
cally any public place where people gather
youre not going to find a guy in your living room,
so go where the people are. Get tickets to your
towns basketball team, hit the movies with
some friends, and see your favorite band play. If
youre wil ling to fl irt, you can meet a guy any-
where.
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Be the change you wish to see. Stop making excuses that
keep you in the dating closet. Sit down and list what stops
you from dating. Put it all downthe fears, the challenges,
the excuses. And then start seeing what you can change and
what you cant. Get into action on what you can. None of us
is perfect. Even Halle Berry has bad days. (Perhaps.) Start
now to put into action what you need to do in order to feel
good about yourself and your life.
Join a gym. Work on some self-love. Look for the job
thats right for you. Then let go of the rest. This is not an
overnight process but it also doesnt need to take over your
life. If you start taking some simple steps now, you will build
your confidence and your self-worth. And you will quicklybecome a powerful dater, not to mention a pretty busy (and
happy!) woman.
Before You Begin
8. Community events. From the farmers market tostreet fairs to volunteer events, your future boy-
friend could be right around the corner from you.
Check out your community calendar and get
out there.
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You Cant Get What You Want
If You Dont Know What You Want
Its important to have a clear and concise roadmap to meet-
ing and getting the one you want. Yes, the oneyouwant.
Falling in love isnt just a matter of fate, its a matter of you
going out and making the right choices and creating theright environment for love to grow.
Because heres the thing: What almost all men realize,
and yet oddly, what most women forget, is that you are the
one in control. Yes, you, lady! No matter how long you date,
or whether things end up working out or not, you are the one
who holds the power. Unfortunately, most of us are not aware
of this important fact, so we end up feeling completely out of
control, giving away our most important tool to successful
dating.
The first step to taking back control is to figure out what
youre looking for in the first place. I know way too many
women who start dating a man, and halfway through the first
few weeks, somehow decide that they were looking for some-
one entirely different. Dont forget that you get to choose
who youre with. This is your adventure, so dont let just any-
one join you on it.
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