Managing Difficult Conversations

Helpful insights and tips

How you communicate is key

Pay attention to what you say and how you say it

Be aware of what pushes your buttons. These can cause you to react and act in a ways which can make communication less effective and difficult

Take note of your listening skills and how this is interpreted by others

Look also at

your sensitivity and empathy skills

your ability to read situations especially conflict situations

your assertive skills

Your self concept and level of self confidence

Your values

All these play a role and will affect how you are able to successfully manage a difficult conversation.

You need a collaborative approach Difficult conversations require a strength based approach –This involves a collaboration between the parties in order to get to a positive outcome. A common mistake made with approaching a difficult conversation is for one party to assume that they are right and that they need to fix the other.This normally results in a combat mode of communication. It seldom brings results which make future working together effective.

How a collaborative approach works

Choose the right kind of goal. It’s tempting to enter a difficult conversation with a variation of this goal in mind: “To get my client to ___ (pay me, get better with deadlines, communicate better, get clearer on their wishes…you fill in the blank). When you enter a conflict conversation with this kind of goal, you automatically set up an offense-defense dynamic because you’re entering with the intention to convince, strong-arm, plead, or change the other person. Instead, focus your initial conversation on learning only. What can you learn from your client that will help the two of you get back on track? When you bring only your good, innate curiosity to the conversation, then you enable effective goals like “to understand the situation from their eyes,” “to re-establish good communication,” and “to figure out where the confusion is lurking

Don’t work so hard at making your case. One major mistake is to work hard at convincing or making your case. It’s not really possible to try to learn and understand while also trying to demonstrate to the other person why you’re view is right, best,

valid, or wise. Let it go for now and you may be surprised by how much lighter you feel.

Be really clear about your own contribution to the problem. Contribution is not the same as fault and it’s much more effective to discuss the former than the latter. Discussing fault just invites defensiveness. Most conflict situations have contributions from both sides and your ability to say, “Here’s what I think I contributed to this” can help break the tension. Your contributions may be things like, “I should just have picked up the phone when I first sensed a bit of tension and I’ll be sure to do that in the future” or “That clause in the contract was less clear than it could have been and I regret not realizing that before now” or “I’m burning the candle at both ends to get this project done well and my stress is showing.”

You may have to hold onto your solutions…At least until it is the right time to share them

You may have some ideas for resolving the problem with your client, and that can be a good thing if you don’t get wedded to your own brilliance. The benefits of having a few ideas is that they can serve as starting places for problem solving when the conversation gets to that point. The dangers are that you introduce them far too soon and buy into your own ideas before you really know they’ll work for everyone involved. Beware of problem-solving before you’ve had the curiosity and learning conversation described above. When you’ve properly set the foundation you may be surprised to find out that your initial solutions are no longer relevant and better ideas suddenly appear on the horizon.

When you have to have a difficult conversation with a customer

No one likes to have an uncomfortable conversation with customers or clients. Yet, problems can arise over the course of a professional relationship. The way business owners handle these issues can mean the difference between a one time and a repeat customer. Here are four tips to help make those conversations go more smoothly.

 

1. Remain Calm

Often, the difficult conversation can come as the result of tensions flaring between a customer and a service agent or even the owner. Take a step back. Although the common belief is that the customer is always right it is not always the case. However, if you want to contain the relationship the responsibility to find a compromise

falls to you. Take a deep breath and listen to what the customer is saying they want. Can you make this happen? Even if you can’t, try to find a middle ground that at least diffuses the situation and do so with a smile.

2. Stick to the Facts

Mistakes happen – missed shipments, over-charging, sending the wrong item, not meeting deadlines etc. Most reasonable customers will account for a slight margin of error when dealing with a business. But, what they won’t deal with is confusion when trying to rectify the problem. When a customer comes to you with one of these issues it is important that you gather the facts from them and have a process in place that will clear things up swiftly.

If you miss a shipment, they don’t want a profound apology or store credits or a tangled maze of forms and tracking

numbers. Apologize, and get the shipment out same day. The efficiency of your response will go much further than panic and confusion. Similarly, if you’re dealing with a customer error like missed or bounced payments, sticking to the facts is critical. Ensure that you have a paper trail, and that you’ve made it easy for them to repay you. Creating an adversarial relationship makes it much more likely that you won’t see any of what’s owed to you.

3. Be Prepared

No matter who is right or wrong in a given situation, ensure that you already have business processes in place to handle what comes next.

Draw up operational maps that everyone in your organization can follow around common issues like returns, missed shipments, missed payments, or incorrect deliverables. These maps should be able to guide employees by ensuring that they get all of the appropriate information. It is much easier to remain calm when a disgruntled customer comes in if you know what to do from the beginning.

4. Follow Up

As with everything in business the follow up is key. If you’ve made it through a difficult situation with a customer you still have a long way to go in restoring trust. Think about how other businesses interact with you after something happens. If I call my bank over a mistake they made, I know going in they probably won’t fix it at all and even if they do I’ll get customer service survey spam for weeks after. The only reason I keep my business there is that my hands are tied on location. This is a no-win for everyone.

If you’ve resolved the issue, follow up a week or so later with a thank you. It can be small, say 10% off their next transaction but it goes a long way into making them want to return. So much of business today is faceless; you can give yourself a real advantage by bringing back real customer service. On the back-end follow up internally and

go over lessons learned. Look at what was missed and why, and try to find ways to avoid repeating those mistakes.

Maintaining Credibilty with your customers Important things to consider

Avoid selling a solution that isn’t in the customer’s best interest.

Never misrepresent the features, advantages and benefits of a product or service.

Don’t promise anything you can’t deliver.

Know the legitimate value of what you provide. When you know--truly know--what your products and services are worth, you're unafraid to communicate both the strengths and the limitations of your offering.  You'll refuse to cave to unreasonable customer demands. You'll stick to

your firm's policies and procedures, and explain to the customer why they make sense. You'll be strong and confident about what you can contribute, thereby creating credibility

When problems develop , don’t make excuses and don’t place blame; fix the problem.

Don’t withhold bad news.

Make promises and keep them.

Be genuine about who you really are.

SAYING NO TO A CUSTOMER

Set Clear ExpectationsThe easiest way to rarely have to say no is to set clear expectations for your customers. Make sure that you articulate the capabilities of your product. Alternately, your team needs to be aware of the limitations of what you’re selling. This way, you don’t make any promises you can’t keep, and the customer shouldn’t have any false expectations.

Think of Creative SolutionsAsk yourselves the following questions before you tell the customer you can’t complete their request:

Do I understand the customer’s perspective regarding this problem?

Am I clear on their objectives? Can I help them meet any of their objectives?

Is the product we’re selling functioning as it’s intended? Is it fulfilling the capabilities we advertise?

Is there any alternative I can offer them? Can a colleague help me solve this problem?

How to Say NOIf you believe you’ve exhausted all the solutions that are available to you, then bite the bullet and respond to the customer that you’re unable to complete their request. Consider these ways to approach this for a successful outcome:

Give a timely response. quick responses are highly valued by customers. Make sure you respond to a customer’s concern within 24 hours, even if it is just to let them know you are working on the problem.

Be honest. Assure the customer that you have done due diligence to try to solve the problem. Clearly explain why

you are unable to help them at this time.

Be tactful with your phrasing. Delivery is everything here. A simple “no, I can’t help you” will never, ever be the correct response to a customer. Using a positive tone, politely but firmly explain that you have exhausted possible solutions. If it is appropriate in the context, express your hope that you can do business with them again in the future.

Listen carefully. The customer may be displeased that you can’t solve their problem; make sure you courteously hear them out and respond in a professional and respectful manner.

Be sincere. Do not send out a form response with an empty apology. On that note, if you don’t have anything to apologize for, then don’t. Cater your response to the specific request made by the customer and make sure your email reflects your voice. Formularbeginn

Helpful opening statements to start the difficult conversation

How Do I Begin?In my workshops, a common question is How do I begin the conversation? Here are a few conversation openers I’ve picked up over the years–and used many times!

I have something I’d like to discuss with you that I think will help us work together more effectively.

I’d like to talk about ____________ with you, but first I’d like to get your point of view.

I need your help with what just happened. Do you have a few minutes to talk?

I need your help with something. Can we talk about it (soon)? If the person says, “Sure, let me get back to you,” follow up with him.

I think we have different perceptions about _____________________. I’d like to hear your thinking on this.

I’d like to talk about ___________________. I think we may have different ideas about how to _____________________.

I’d like to see if we might reach a better understanding about ___________. I really want to hear your feelings about this and share my perspective as well.