An NLP Practitioner Certification Manual · Copyright Lifeworks Group – 2005-2008 Phone: 61 8 9246 1977 Email: [email protected] Web: 1

By Christine Sutherland

An NLP Practitioner Certification Manual

Copyright Lifeworks Group – 2005-2008 Phone: 61 8 9246 1977 Email: [email protected] Web: www.lifeworks-group.com.au

NLP in10 Days: Mastery of Communication & Relationships, An NLP Practitioner Certification Manual

©The Lifeworks Group – 2005-2008 ISBN 0 9578020 4 8 The Lifeworks Group Pty Ltd PO Box 2018, Warwick, Western Australia Ph: 61 8 9246 1977 Fax: 61 8 9246 1966 Email: [email protected] Web: www.lifeworks-group.com.au Web: www.speedbusinessnetworking.com Web: www.weightchoice.com.au Web: www.recruitmentheaven.com Web: www.mlmprofessionals.biz Web: www.bmsa-int.com All Rights Reserved. This book, or parts thereof, may not be published in any form without permission. Also by Christine Sutherland: Fat You – Skinny You! Easy Ways to Let Your Mind Do the Work for You Take Your Team to the Top - How to Double Your Sales in 30 Days!

Warning This book in no way replaces or seeks to replace live training in NLP. NLP knowledge and skills cannot be obtained merely from reading about NLP. Therefore I recommend that you read and enjoy this book, and work conscientiously through the exercises described in it. After that, telephone your nearest skilled NLP trainer and use what you’ve learned to get the most amazing results possible out of live training! With a basic understanding of NLP, and the beginnings of a solid skill set, you’ll amaze yourself, your fellow students, and your trainer! Distance learning is the next best thing to live training and you can read about that on www.lifeworks-group.com.au. Do not use the techniques described in this book with others unless you are a properly-qualified person. To do otherwise would be both highly irresponsible and potentially dangerous.


Dedication I dedicate this book to the original NLP study group in Perth, Western Australia, especially to Jeff Oliver who started it all off, and Dr Allen Gomes, whose brilliant, enquiring mind and-round wonderfulness made him such a pleasure to spend time with. Indeed it was Allen who inspired me to put NLP to the test through clinical trials and thereby fired up a deep desire to know and understand the neurological mechanisms behind the incredible success of these methods. I also dedicate this book to the very many people around the world who’ve been responsible for the creation and ongoing development of the vast field known as neuro-linguistic programming: Richard Bandler, John Grinder, Robert Dilts, Steve and Connirae Andreas, Robert Macdonald, Christine Hall, Rex Steven Sikes, Astra Johnston and many, many others too numerous to mention.


NLP in 10 Days! Mastery of Communication & Relationships, an NLP Practitioner Certification Manual

CONTENTS

SECTION 1 SETTING THE SCENE Chapter 1 Introduction to this Book Page 1 Chapter 2 The Components of the Program Page 3 Chapter 3 Introduction to Neuro-Linguistic Programming Page 6 SECTION 2 THE TRAINING MODULES Module 1 Calibration and Rapport Page 14 Module 2 State Management, Anchoring, Time Lines Page 42 Module 3 Neuro-Somatic Changework, Introduction to the Meta Model and Sleight of Mouth Page 58 Module 4 Well-formedness, Strategies, Modelling, Beyond Design Human Engineering Page 80 Module 5 Metaphor, Advanced Meta Model, Logical Levels, Meta-Programs, Milton Model, Sleight of Mouth Page 92 SECTION 3 ADDITIONAL INFORMATION Recommended References Page 134 Further Training Page 135


1


Chapter 1 – Introduction to This Book There is definitely no replacement for live training, especially when it comes to NLP. NLP just cannot be learned by reading about it. In the words of Bruce Lee:

“Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do.” This book is an attempt to approximate, as well as possible, the qualities and advantages of live training. That’s why you’ll see there are actual processes for you to engage in, and lots of notes that support your experience of those processes. In that way, I hope that even though you may live too far away to attend a live training, you at least get some of the benefits and start experiencing positive changes in your life, professionally and personally. This training is different not just because it is in book form, but because it also contains an introduction to neuro-somatic changework, specifically a technique which I developed in 2004 and which I called Neuro-stim. In clinical trials NeuroStim has proven to be so powerful that it can often eradicate even chronic physical pain in just minutes. The format of the course is 5 modules, each module designed to be completed by a study group over a 2-day period. It is unlikely that you will succeed in this course in under that time, because you are asked to apply and demonstrate your ability to create real change in your life as a result of applying NLP tools. It takes time and practice to really build skill to this level. This manual is not a definitive or comprehensive textbook on NLP. It provides a process for achieving a certain level of skill. I believe that learning NLP is a lifelong commitment, and this course is only a beginning. There is a wealth of fantastic NLP material out there, some of which we’ve listed at the end of this manual, but most of which you’ll discover yourself through research or through serendipity. Outcomes for This Program For me the journey of studying and understanding NLP continues to excite me and to add to the richness and pleasure of my professional and personal life. So naturally one of my intended outcomes for this training is for participants to experience the training as a pleasurable and enriching experience. In my mind is a rich representation of what this


2

might be like: lots of sharing, lots of laughter, faces glowing with “light globe” experiences, and a sense of camaraderie and goodwill between group members. I guess the evidence for this might be a raft of pleasant emails to Lifeworks’ discussion list as we share your pleasure at learning. The experience of really “connecting” with another is beyond words but nevertheless felt by everyone at one time or another in our lives. When we add this type of connection to the powerful language skills of NLP, the difference in the depth and effectiveness of the communication is amazing. So the second of my hopes for you is to be able to observe measurable and dramatic changes in your and your colleagues’ ability to communicate powerfully and persuasively. The evidence for this will be not only in the feedback you give each other from assessments, but from reports of changes in each others’ lives that automatically flow as we connect more authentically with others and thus gain trust and co-operation. It has been a particular joy for me to be able to take creative control over my own brain and over my environment (to a large extent ☺). So another of my hopes is for participants to have both the ability and confidence to easily and naturally demonstrate not just the skills and knowledge necessary to meet the standards associated with Practitioner Level, but to demonstrate achievement of real outcomes and a new life direction which is more joyful and more productive. A large part of your self-assessment process is in setting goals for positive change and demonstrating their achievement. Take a moment, right now, to think about what you already know or suspect about NLP. Consider also what expectations or goals you have for the process of your studying NLP through this manual. Take time to list a selection of these goals, some very short term, some which you might expect to achieve in a few months, and some which you might expect to achieve in a year or so. As you study, re-visit these goals and not only judge how you're doing, but consider whether they need to be modified or added to as a result of your learning. Good luck with your studies!


3

NLP in 10 Days! Mastery of Communication & Relationships, an NLP Practitioner Certification Manual Chapter 2 - The Components of the Program In order to reach certification standard for Practitioner Level of NLP, students need to be able to demonstrate the ability to identify the following basic skills, techniques, patterns and concepts of NLP, and to utilise them competently with self and with others: 1 Behavioural integration of the basic presuppositions of NLP:

Outcome orientation with respect for other’s model of the world and the ecology of the system. People create their own experience. I am in charge of my mind and therefore my results. Distinction between map and territory. The map is not the territory. A person is not his/her behaviour. Experience has a structure. Whatever you think you are, you are always more than that.

There is no failure, there is only feedback. There is a solution to every problem. Learning is living – we cannot not learn. The mind and body are part of the same system, and affect each other.

The meaning of your communication is the response that you get. A person cannot not respond.

Adaptive intent of all behaviour. Everyone does the best he/she can at any given time, given the resources he/she is able to access. Every behaviour has a positive intention. People make the best choices available to them. People work perfectly (no-one is broken).

Everyone has the necessary resources. People have all the resources they need to bring about change and success. If one person can do something, anyone can do it. Change can be fast and easy.

Resistance is a signal of insufficient pacing. Resistance is a comment on the communicator and may be a sign of insufficient pacing.

Law of requisite variety. The system with the widest range of variables will constitute the controlling element. The person who controls the system is the one with the most flexibility. Choice is better than no choice.


4

2 Rapport, establishment and maintenance of. 3 Pacing and leading (verbally and non-verbally). 4 Calibration (sensory experience). 5 Representational systems (predicates and accessing cues). 6 Meta Model 7 Milton Model 8 Elicitation of well-formed, ecological outcomes and structures of Present State. 9 Overlap and translation. 10 Metaphor creation. 11 Frames: Contrast, Relevancy, As If, Backtrack. 12 Anchoring (V, A, K). 13 Ability to shift consciousness to external or internal as required by the moment’s

task (uptime/downtime). 14 Dissociation and Association. 15 Chunking (Stepping). 16 Submodalities. 17 Verbal and non-verbal elicitation of responses. 18 Accessing and building of resources. 19 Reframing. 20 Strategies: Detection, elicitation, utilisation and installation. In addition to these world standards for Practitioner Certification, we have added the neuro-somatic technique NeuroStim. 21 Enhanced familiarity with the kinaesthetic representational system and further, an

introductory-level understanding of the theoretical basis for Neuro-stim.


5

22 Ability to construct language patterns which elicit highly-idiosyncratic internal

states. We have also added: 23 Aspects of accelerated learning 24 Basic Modelling 28 Beyond DHE, the use of metaphor to “design” yourself and your environment. 29 The BSFF technique developed by Dr Larry Nims, and which can be considered

to be an important advance on Ericksonian Hypnosis.


6


Chapter 3 - Introduction to Neuro-Linguistic Programming

NLP

Neuro-Linguistic Programming - Originally developed by Richard Bandler and John Grinder, now a vast field encompassing language and subjective experience, and the study of excellence in human performance.

NLP is described in many different ways and this presents some controversy, depending upon whether we call it a science, a field, a body of knowledge, a philosophy, a collection of observations or techniques, or an epistemology. If you have a working definition of NLP, you can rest assured that at least some of the world's most renowned NLP experts will probably disagree with you, as well as with each other. For most of us, who have definite, practical requirements from our study and practice of NLP, none of this may matter. Neuro-Linguistic Programming is a term first coined by Dr Richard Bandler and John Grinder as they continued the work of transformational grammarians in the late 1970s. (The words “neuro-linguistic” were already in use from the 1950’s.) NLP also grew out of "modelling", the process of examining and interpreting the behaviour of "excellence" so that excellence could be explained, taught, and replicated. This is one aspect of NLP that has grown very little since the early days, apart from Bandler's development of Design Human Engineering™ and the work of a few creative pioneers, such as Rex Sikes, a Master Trainer based in the USA.

Initially, the models used were that of excellence in therapy, and we owe much of the content and philosophy of NLP to revered therapists such as Milton Erickson (Ericksonian Hypnosis), Virginia Satir (family therapy), Fritz Perls (Gestalt Therapy), Frank Farrelly (Provocative Therapy), and others. These people were mostly unable to explain their own brilliance, since much that they did was below consciousness (perhaps in the nature of "intuition"). When their performance was analysed by Bandler and Grinder, what had formerly been unconscious and unnoticed became available for us all.

One thing is for sure, NLP is not a magic wand. The classic NLP texts are full of amazing and miraculous stories, the “myths and legends” of NLP, many of which do not fully "check out". NLP is, however, exceedingly useful, and will empower your communication and your life in ways you never dreamed possible. In a therapeutic context, NLP skills give enormous advantage. In selling and persuasion likewise.


7

It is probably best if you decide for yourself on a working definition for NLP, because it is not how you describe NLP that matters, it is how you use it and it is the quality of the results or outcomes that you achieve from its use, which actually matters.

If you are not noticing positive, enduring change in yourself and in others around you as you gain skill with NLP, then what is the point!?

Making the Most of this Program

If you merely read through this book, you’ll get very little out of it except for maybe some background understanding of what NLP is about. Likewise if you just imagine going through the exercises.

You’ll get so much more out of this book by arranging to run through the actual exercises with a variety of friends and colleagues so that you don’t just learn about NLP, you do NLP.

If you’re really serious about learning to use NLP to improve every single area of your life, personally and professionally, and if you can’t get to live training, you’ll get maximum benefit out of this material by enrolling in our personalised cyber class to help take you through the program with ease and precision, to get the exact results you’re after!

Cyber Class – With Certification!

Lifeworks offers the first cyber class in the world to take people toward NLP certification. You can now be personally mentored through an entire 10 days of Practitioner or Master Practitioner Certification!

The cost of this is $AU2500 per person (as at March 2007) and entitles you to:

� Personalised trainer support for 12 months, utilising email, Skype, VoiP, and webcam if available, as well as your own locked and private on-line training forum.

� Electronic book “Take Your Team to the Top: How to Double Your Sales in 30 Days – and Keep Doubling Them”.

� Electronic book “Beat Cravings, Lose Weight! Easy Ways to Let Your Mind Do the Work for You.”

Applicants must have gathered a minimum group of 6 in order to undertake this training. A smaller group would not allow the variety of interaction or experimentation which a satisfactory result depends upon.


8

Preparing Your Whole Self to Maintain a Wonderful Learning State

All of us have had training experiences which were truly wonderful, where we’ve not only learned a lot but enjoyed the experience as well. Of course we have also experienced training where we felt frustrated and uncomfortable and where we learned very little.

Take some time together with the whole group right now to make a list of feelings and words that are representative of a poor training experience, and also a list of feelings and words that are representative of a great learning experience. Do the “poor” list first and place it to your left. Then do the “great” list and place it to the right.

Notice the difference in your internal state (your physical and emotional feelings as you fully relive each experience). Having noticed how these differ, turn your attention to reliving those experiences which represented a great learning experience. When you are fully in the “great” experience, quickly clench a fist and say to yourself “Yes!”. Get into that state twice more and each time clench that fist and say “Yes!”. You’ve just installed your first anchor, an anchor which, when repeated now, will immediately launch you into a great learning state.

It’s your responsibility now to “call it like it is” and if you find yourself experiencing a less-than-glorious learning state, replace it quickly with your great learning state by firing that anchor.

A Word About Emotions

NLP training is not therapy, and it is no place for people with serious unresolved psychological problems or personality disorders. The reason for this is that we are learning to work with our unconscious minds and anytime we do that we increase the risk of “triggering” emotional states. When people are fragile due to depression, anxiety, grief, or unresolved serious anger, or even a personality disorder, it would be very unwise to risk further emotional triggering.

Anytime we work with people, we will sometimes find ourselves triggered in this way. As an example, I once used the phrase “baby out with the bathwater” when training a group of therapists and getting across the point that it was important to identify and keep valuable aspects of conventional therapy as we incorporated more modern and evidence-based approaches.

One woman, visibly upset, took me to task in front of the entire group and demanded that I drop that phrase from my vocabulary. Puzzled, I asked her what the phrase meant to her. She said “Well it’s obvious isn’t it, everybody knows what that means!” I could see the rest of the audience was as ignorant of its “obvious” meaning as I was, professed my ignorance, and asked her to explain to me. She then proceeded on an angry tirade about abortion, asserting that the phrase meant “abortion”.

So be aware that even seemingly bland and innocuous words can have a “secret” meaning to others that triggers them into an upset state. This is not your fault, and it is up to the person with the emotional response to take response-ability and get back to a resourceful state as quickly as


9

possible. If they are unable to do that on their own, it becomes their responsibility to ask for assistance from an appropriately-trained person.

Someone who reacts in that way is not suited to NLP training and consideration should be given to asking them to delay their training until those personal issues have been dealt with. Such an approach is being both kind to that person and simultaneously respectful to the rest of the group, who have the right to study and learn in the absence of emotional turmoil.

Another type of emotional triggering happens when our beliefs get challenged! If you were in a learning situation and you didn’t get your beliefs challenged, you wouldn’t be learning! So when this happens, as it will, simply notice the challenge, notice how you feel about it, and put it to one side for future evaluation. This will let you get the most out of the training and you can keep all your existing beliefs intact if you still want to.

Yet another type of emotional triggering happens when we come across something we haven’t experienced before, and that is “confusion”. In the past, when we’ve felt confused we’ve sometimes felt very uncomfortable and uncertain about our ability to “get it”. We may have even felt dumb or ashamed of ourselves. That’s indeed a shame, because that very sense of confusion is wonderful feedback that the material is truly new to us and that we are learning! Stay confused as long as you can. Enjoy staying in that state as long as you can. The longer you stay in that state, the broader and deeper will be your learning when you come out of it.

Things to Avoid Like the Plague

Experience shows that there are certain behaviours that absolutely work against making the most of your NLP training.

Over-analysis

In order to analyse something, we must be dissociated, and if we’re dissociated, we’re definitely acting like a bystander instead of engaging ourselves in the learning process. If you find yourself asking yourself questions like “Do I agree with this?”, or “Am I enjoying this?” or if you discover yourself picking faults with the room, or your colleagues, or this book, then you are being analytical instead of being open to discovering difference. If you get stuck in that state, then physically MOVE to a different location in the room and see if that changes your perspective. It’s definitely your responsibility to manage your learning state, so remember the NLP motto: If you’ve got it, use it! Keep analysis for later over a beer or coffee – don’t pollute the training room with it, because you’re not there to analyse, you’re there to experience. Analysis is certainly of crucial importance, but after the training experience, not during it.


10

Expectations out of Whack

You’ll understand this better once you’ve taken a look at Wellformedness Conditions. Sometimes people come along to NLP training with some expectations which are clearly unrealistic. You certainly should have some very definite outcomes in mind and they need to be realistic. If you have made short-term training goals to quadruple your income, learn 2 languages, learn to speed read, learn to meditate like a Zen monk and to paint like Michelangelo, then your expectations are out of whack. Regardless of what you’ve heard about the miracles that NLP can achieve, that’s stretching it a little too far.

Likewise, if you expect the trainer to be responsible for your learning, if you think that something is going to be done to you or for you, then those expectations are out of whack. If you have psychological or emotional issues which you think a knowledge of NLP will somehow solve, that, too, is an expectation that is unlikely to be met.

With your NLP training you can safely expect the unexpected. Have healthy, realistic outcomes, and be open to what you’ll experience.

Control Issues and Limiting Beliefs that Don’t Support Your Learning

People sometimes believe that they can only learn in certain ways, that a training ought to follow certain rules, that the trainer ought to behave in certain ways and not in others, that the training ought to bend to meet the way they like to do things. These sorts of beliefs need to be well and truly hung up outside the door before coming into the training room. You can always put them back on again when you leave, but don’t be surprised if they no longer fit so well.

Prove it to Me!

I can’t actually prove any of NLP and I don’t have the time or desire to debate it. NLP training is not a philosophy class. I can only present information which may or may not be true, for you to experience and notice any results. We get the most out of any training by being fully present in it and fully open to it. We can analyse and evaluate later, when it’s appropriate to do so.

I’ve Seen this Exact Thing Before!

This type of person associates everything they see/hear with previous learning: they are “sorting for sameness”. Despite some overlaps, NLP is not like what you’ve experienced before. Look for the differences because that’s how we learn new things.


11

Ego in the Way

People may initially be drawn to NLP because they see it as conferring “power” on them or making them “better” than others. Even professional therapists may be drawn to NLP because of what they can now “do for” their clients.

It’s true that NLP skills confer huge advantage. It’s true that NLP skills enable therapists to achieve results with clients that were once unthinkable.

However, if we have a desire to “look good” in front of others, if we have a need to impress others with our skills or with our personal “power”, that will actually seriously get in the way of our learning.

Why? Well one reason is that we become afraid to examine areas within ourselves that are ripe for improvement. We cannot change what we deny exists.

Similarly, if we feel self-conscious and are fearful of making mistakes or of not “looking good” to others, we cannot possibly have our mind on the learning experience and the quality of our interactions with others in the group (which are crucial to our learning) are seriously compromised.

It should be obvious that both grandiose and fearful aspects of ego completely obliterate any chance of achieving or maintaining effective rapport with others. And without rapport, everything you’ve learned becomes useless.

NLP works best when ego takes a back seat.

Don’t Look at Me!

Are you saying to yourself, “Well don’t look at me, I wouldn’t do any of that.”? In fact all of the above applies to all of us at some time. That’s how human beings are, and that’s how our minds work. The trick is to recognise when we’re doing it to ourselves and move out of it. We may not yet be perfect learners, but we can move towards that.

Let’s Make a Movie!

We human beings are so good at running movies in our heads that I think just about anyone could be a famous Hollywood director! We make movies of past failures and run them over and over, we make movies of our futures as well. Those movies have a very powerful effect on our lives.


12

Take some time now in your group to run a movie about this training program. Imagine it as if it were on a television or movie screen, big, bright and colourful, and start it as you were coming into the room ready to commence your first training module. See yourself working with your group, learning and practising NLP principles and techniques. Notice how well you work together, the trusting and pleasant relationships that develop and the way you help each other to enhance your understandings and abilities. See yourself watching the demonstrations, chatting in conference, taking part in the cyber support group, being assessed for certification. See yourself over the months growing, developing, changing, and setting and achieving the most wonderful goals. Notice how these changes impact so positively on colleagues at work, and on those friends and family nearest and dearest to you. Move along to the end of the movie, where you are all gathered together to celebrate, holding your well-deserved certificates in your hands. Feel a powerful sense of gratitude toward each other for helping each other get to this point. Clench that fist as you did before to anchor that feeling, opening your eyes and taking a deep breath to come back fully aware and awake, into the room.

Look around at your colleagues and now share the moment of “completing the program”. Stand up, hug, shake hands, thank your colleagues for the part they played in your learning! Clench that fist again to make that an even more powerful anchor for you!

Wow! You’ve got a very powerful anchor for successful learning right there! Let’s add even more oomph to that now!

One by one, stand and introduce yourself to the group as if you’ve never met before. Say your name and a few brief lines about yourself. When you’re finished, the group rises as one to give you a standing ovation. Clench that fist and say, with feeling “Thank you. You, too, are absolutely awesome!”

Our Daily Game

Master NLP Trainer Rex Sikes taught me this game and I am forever grateful. I want to pass it on to you because although it’s a simple game, it has the capacity to change your life.

The game is called “good and new” and should be played at the start of each training day and even straight after lunch break. It’s played very fast and you have to think quickly! Each person takes a turn to offer something that is “good” and something that is “new”. For example, I might say “What’s good is that I got an amazing clear run through the traffic today, and what’s new is that I haven’t worn these socks since last Tuesday!” It doesn’t have to be momentous. The purpose behind this game is to redirect our minds to things that are both good and new in our lives. With practice, more and more good and new things happen, until, quite quickly, miraculous things start happening! Our minds are cool like that, they take us where we direct them!


13

Let’s Help Our Brain to Function and Our Body to Feel Energised

If our brain is operating efficiently, supported by a body that feels fresh and alive, we definitely support our learning. Here are a set of quick exercises that have been shown to enhance both brain function and general energy. Do these at the beginning of each day and straight after the lunch break, and whenever you feel over-challenged or fatigued (music makes it even better!):

1. Cross crawl in standing position by raising knees one at a time and touching each raised knee with opposite hand.

2. As above, but kick one foot up behind yourself and reach behind with opposite hand to touch raised heel.

3. Stand and briefly slap palms to thighs, take left fingers to end of nose and simultaneously wrap right hand around left ear (yes, I know it sounds weird, but take it slowly, build up speed and notice the difference!).

4. Stretch arm straight out in front with thumb up in “hitch-hiker” position. Allow thumb to travel through a figure-8 pattern and follow thumb’s movement with eyes, head very still. Make big figure-8’s and tiny, tiny figure-8’s. Reverse the direction of your figure-8’s.

5. Quickly and lightly brush the fingertips of both hands from centre of forehead outward, gradually move fingertips up and over head, continuing the brushing movement.

6. Gently unfurl the lobes of your ears as if you were trying to flatten out the “curl”.

NB: Please note that these routines are not related to what is purported to be “energy psychology” or the equally-spurious practice of applied kinesiology. Rather they are related to the scientific field of kinesiology, which is the science of human movement and performance. They help to optimise brain performance through sensory stimulation, as well as achieving a better oxygen flow through the body and brain, resulting in a higher energy level, better concentration, and better co-ordination.

You’re beginning to get a feel of what NLP is and what NLP can help you achieve in your life. You’re now very clear on what makes for a great learning state (and can recognise when you’ve strayed). You have a powerful “anchor” (your clenched fist) which can catapault you into that great state whenever you need it. In addition, you have some simple movements you can make to get an instant burst of mental energy when you need it.

You’re now ready to begin your study of NLP!


14


Module 1: Calibration and Rapport

Calibration means the conscious or unconscious observation of verbal and non-verbal behaviours. Some of these are: eye accessing cues, breathing, skin tone, muscle tone and movement, lip size, nose/nostril size, size of eye or pupil, gestures, noting language clues (predicates) to how the person is processing his/her experience. Rapport means “connection”, or being “in tune” with someone. Although rapport and calibration mean different things, obviously each is very helpful in facilitating the other. If you can calibrate (read) people accurately, as well as achieve and maintain rapport (and maybe even deliberately “break” rapport) then you will have achieved a level of mastery in the following areas: Representational Systems Sub-modalities Pacing Leading Assessment Criteria for this Unit What will you need to be able to demonstrate to show that you’ve developed sufficient skills in these areas? 1 Demonstrate establishment and maintenance of rapport. Assessment: K+ from 3

separate sources (self, partner, observer), observation of matching, mirroring, cross-mirroring, as well as verbal pacing, including matching “chunk size”.

2 Demonstrate ability to elicit and experience another’s “map of the world” (using at least 6

sub-modalities). Assessment: Confirmation from “other” that the experience described is accurate.

3 Demonstrate ability to alter one’s own subjective experience by modifying one’s sub-

modalities. Assessment: Successfully execute “change belief” exercise, and swish technique.

4 Demonstrate knowledge of simple eye-accessing cues. Assessment: test via identification

from chart.


15

5 Demonstrate knowledge of simple predicates. Assessment: test via identification from

list. 6 Demonstrate ability to observe self from first, second and third positions. Assessment:

simple goal-setting exercise using multiple positions as an aspect of well-formedness. 7 Demonstrate understanding of terms “associated” and “dissociated”. Assessment:

Explain same event from the two perspectives, noting sub-modality changes.

Rapport In applying NLP skills, you will find that even the most powerful NLP techniques will not work satisfactorily without being underpinned by rapport. Rapport cannot be faked because far too much of it is mediated subconsciously. Years ago, when a group of NLP buddies were studying calibration and rapport, we played a game of cards where we would deliberately lie (or not) to challenge the abilities of each other to read us. I was feeling pretty pleased with myself because I was able to lie and get away with it every time. I really thought I had perfected the “closed” look! Then my buddy to the left began calling me every single time! I had no idea how he did it. Can you guess? In fact I had my legs crossed, and every time I lied about my card hand, my right foot would tap in space. And I didn’t even know! No matter how hard we try to fool someone, no matter how skilled we are, there will be some unconsciously-mediated physiology that we are not even aware of, let alone in control of. People sometimes try to fake rapport, especially if they know a few pacing and leading skills or have some facility with language patterns. Interestingly, without authentic rapport they are not likely to succeed for long, if at all. With authentic rapport, which is really “from the heart”, they find themselves unable to manipulate with exploitative intent because hurting the other would be almost the same as hurting oneself. Exercise 1 - Experimenting with Variables in Rapport In determining how deeply something is felt, we use a score system based on the Subjective Units of Discomfort Scale (SUDS), which ranges from 0 to 10 (with 0 being no discomfort whatsoever, and 10 being the worst discomfort you could possibly imagine).


16

In the following exercise we use that scale in reverse to subjectively describe your degree of comfort, with 0 being no comfort at all, and 10 being as comfortable as you could possibly imagine. Demonstration Before you break off into groups to run the exercise, allow two of your members to demonstrate the exercise first. That way you can observe and discuss the process and get even more out of it when it’s then run as an exercise. a) Merely sit and look at one another and rate "comfort". If these two people have known each other previously, or if they naturally already feeling relatively “open” to each other or are naturally “in synch” then you’ll note that their body language may be much the same even at this point. Take some time to check out what matches and what does not. Whenever people mix together, you can easily tell who’s in rapport with whom, many times even if the people are across the room from each other! b) Each makes changes to match breathing and posture, and then rate "comfort". In order to do this, consider whether the person’s shoulders, chest, or stomach is moving with the breath in/out. Don’t allow your demonstrators to speak, they will each move to match the other until they reach a state of equilibrium. c) Think "I really like you", and imagine that you are synchronising your heart beat with the

other, and rate "comfort". Now we have really begun to bring our intention to this process. By hallucinating that we are connecting at a heart level, by bringing an attitude of “I really like you” we are stating an intention to create rapport. d) Interpret the other’s conversation into your own words and rate "comfort". (To do this

step, listen to your partner’s story, noting particular words and phrases that he/she uses. When he/she has finished, repeat the story back, substituting other words and phrases that have similar meaning. For example, A might say “I took a flight up to Darwin.”, and B might interpret this as “You took a plane North”.

Notice how this really jars the communication. And yet isn’t this what we’ve so often sought to do when giving feedback: we translate into our own words in order to demonstrate that what the person has said “resonates” for us. The effect instead is to lose or risk losing rapport because the meaning can never be quite the same.


17

e) Repeat back the story using A’s words and phrases as exactly as possible so that you

accurately pace the other’s conversation and rate "comfort". Even though this may seem a little stilted, because after all it’s a constructed experience in front of an audience, A at least feels better understood. None of this was made up or invented. All of it has been noticed between people experiencing great rapport/connection together. People who are in rapport naturally tend to match and mirror each others’ physiology and language. If the people doing the above exercise already know one another, you’ll see that they don’t need to be told to match and mirror – they were probably doing that the moment they sat down. If we want to achieve and maintain rapport, these are the beginning steps. The more we master this, including “calibration”, which you’ll start to experience shortly, the more exquisite will be the connections you quickly and easily build and maintain with just about anyone! Groups of 3 or more. A & B rate their relative feeling of rapport on doing each of the following (ie, rate after each step on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being no comfort at all, and 10 being as comfortable with the other person as you could possibly imagine):

1. Merely sit and look at one another and rate "comfort". 2. Match breathing and posture and rate "comfort". 3. Think "I really like you", and rate "comfort". 4. Interpret the other’s conversation into your own words and rate "comfort". (To do this

step, listen to the story noting particular key words or phrases and substituting other words and phrases that have similar meaning when you repeat back the story.)

5. Exactly repeat back (pace) the other’s conversation and rate "comfort".

When you genuinely feel a strong state of rapport, or connection, anchor it by gently squeezing your wrist just as you come toward the peak of that experience. This is like the clenched fist anchor you did earlier. Before, we anchored states that supported a fantastic learning experience. Now we’ve anchored a state that supports great rapport. Note: It’s not necessary to exactly reproduce the body language of the person you wish to achieve rapport with. Cross-matching (for instance moving a hand or foot in time with the other’s breathing), or lag-matching (where you match the body movements but allow a time lag of around 3 seconds) also help build rapport.


18

Note: Sometimes when people do the above exercise, they report a feeling of irritation when their partner “parrots” back their own words. This is not because word repetition is wrong: it is because the parroting stands out in this exaggerated role modeling exercise. Keep in mind 2 things:

� None of the above is “made up” or “designed”. All of it has been obtained by observation of people in close rapport.

� Every time you translate someone’s experience into your own words you risk imposing a

different meaning and therefore risk losing rapport. CHUNKING Have you ever noticed how some people naturally go for the "big picture" while others go for the detail? This is an example of chunking. We will maintain better rapport if we "pace" (match) our partner’s "chunk size", or level at which they're thinking and talking. Take a look at this example of chunks or levels:

Transport Methods

Motor Vehicles

Ford Festiva

Brake System

Brake Pedal

Rubber

At any time we can chunk up, down or across in response to hearing someone else’s expression of chunk size. Theoretically we can eventually chunk up to something as large as the whole universe (known and unknown) and as small as the smallest component of that universe, no matter where we start from. What are some of the ways we can move up, down, or sideways in the above list? Have some fun together now to see if you can come up with at least 3 different nouns to replace “Ford Festiva” (eg, Cadillac). Can you also think of a different chunk up from “Brake System”? (eg, Speed Control). A different chunk down from “Transport Methods” (eg, Trains, or Conveyor Belts). When we fail to match chunk size in a conversation, we risk breaking rapport. Unless we wished to break rapport, we would always pace first, before leading into a higher or lower order of information.

Honda Prelude Electric Train


19

Case Study Joe is a salesperson who wants to sell a particular machine to Fred, an engineer. Joe waxes lyrical about all the big benefits: faster throughput, less downtime, modularised components for ease of repair, get the jump on the competition, ensure competitiveness and market share over the next decade, etc, etc. Fred keeps asking questions about the precise type of wiring, the exact width of the feeder, the gauges of materials the machine can cope with. He wants to go over all of the specifications one by one. Joe’s impatient because he knows that the specifications are all very standard and that the machine’s benefits are in the design. He keeps trying to draw Fred back to the appreciation of what the machine can actually do and the bigger picture of what the machine will do for the company. Even if Joe gets the sale, he is unlikely to build a relationship that could encourage Fred to continue buying from him in the future. Now what if Joe took the time to firstly get into rapport with Fred, and really listened to Fred’s language to discover what chunk level Fred liked to operate at? With that knowledge, do you think Joe could simply take out the specifications and one by one go over them, now and again throwing in the big benefits, until Fred got everything he needed to say “Yes”? Do you think that would increase Joe’s “hit rate”? (There’s much, much more to successful selling than this little shred. For a more comprehensive NLP approach to the whole sales process, check out “Take Your Team to the Top! How to Double Your Sales in 30 Days.” Available as an ebook from our web site www.lifeworks-group.com.au.) Exercise 2 - Chunking In groups of 3, A faces B and states a noun. C stands behind A and signals to B whether to chunk up, down, or sideways. Notice what happens when we match, or what happens when we mismatch, even unintentionally. How do you resolve differences of opinion of definitions? Keep in mind, your main job here, no matter what, is to hold rapport.


20

Exercise 3 – Rapport in Movement This exercise is a great way to experience the “K” (kinaesthetic) sense of rapport when we are “in tune”. To do this exercise, put on some music with a nice beat and practise walking in pairs, feeling the music inside you. Can you and your partner “walk as one”? (Allow the rest of the group to judge the extent of your rapport. Applaud a successful effort, and help your class members to adjust and repeat if necessary until they really deserve that applause.) Remember that you are not walking with a swagger to the beat, you’re just walking, but you’re walking with the intention of being in rapport. Have you noticed that when team sports professionals need to synchronise to a high degree, they take the time to breathe together, look at each others’ eyes, match their physiology, and many times agree non-verbally when it’s time to “go!”. When you’ve done this exercise in pairs, try in threes, then in fours, etc, until the whole group can walk “in rapport”. A side benefit of this exercise is that it builds the beginning of charisma. Can you do this exercise until you feel great ease and grace walking with the music? Can you hear the music inside you when you walk into the office? When you walk down the street? When you are playing your favourite sport? When you are in close contact with a loved one? If you want heads to turn when you walk in to a room, walk with music inside you! Calibration Calibration is “accurately recognising another person’s or group’s state by reading non-verbal signals.” One of the easiest non-verbal signals to track is that of eye movements, often called eye accessing cues. There is a great deal of controversy over who first noted the varied eye movements which we make when we undertake certain mental tasks (Bandler and Grinder are often attributed with the discovery, but in fact eminent neurologist Karl Pribram showed the link some ten years before). But that need not concern us here. We just want to know how to use them!


21

It seems that an overwhelming majority of people have eye movements which are characteristic for the type of mental function taking place. There are varied estimates for the proportion and it is thought to be somewhere between 80-90%. Of those people not organised in this way, it is thought that left-handedness may account for a significant proportion. To date, there are no definitive studies of this phenomenon. Although some people give eye-accessing cues that are nothing like I’ve shown below, generally those people at least have a pattern that is predictable for them. I have only ever met one person who was totally unpredictable and he was incapable of making a decision. Although a clever man, he could barely string a sentence together and at that time his business had come to a standstill because he was unable to keep appointments. A Few Benefits of Understanding Eye Accessing Cues

• Understanding others’ preferred method of processing information

• Understanding how eye accessing cues link to sensory experience

• Deliberating using eye accessing cues yourself as an aid to tasks


22

Standard Eye Accessing Cues These cues help demonstrate which sensory representational system the person is currently accessing: visual, auditory or kinaesthetic (including gustatory and olfactory).

V – Visual When people look up, either straight up or up to the left or the right, they are generally accessing pictures. VR – Visual Recall When people look up to their left, they are generally accessing pictures they have actually seen before; eg, an orange. VC – Visual Construct When people look up to their right, they are generally constructing images they have not actually seen before; eg, an orange with purple spots. AR – Auditory Recall When people look sideways to their left, they are generally hearing something they have heard before; eg, a piece of music, or their mother’s voice. AC – Auditory Construct When people look sideways to their right, they are generally hearing something they have not heard before; eg, a piece of music they are creating for the first time, the sound of a glass bell. AD - Auditory Digital When people look down to their left, they are generally talking to themselves in their own voice. K – Kinaesthetic When people look down to their right, they are generally accessing emotions or bodily sensations. Keep in mind that these are indeed generalizations. Many eye movements happen too fast or almost too fast to track. Just because someone looks up and to their right when answering a question does not mean he or she is lying! Additionally, some folk are simply not neurologically organized this way.

VR VC

AC

K

AR

AD

V


23

Spend some time now practising notating these diagrams with the 7 accessing cues. Cover completed diagrams as you go ☺, though it’s perfectly OK to “cheat” if you need to.


24

Exercise 4 – Check Out a Few People Have a few people in your group volunteer to be “guinea pigs” so that one by one the rest of the group can check out the way their eyes move in response to certain types of thoughts. You’re going to be asking the “guinea pigs” some questions which would normally involve visual, auditory, or kinaesthetic mental processing. Firstly ask questions which would normally require the person to “see” a picture in their mind. Eg, What colour is your front door? Have you ever seen a fish? Can you imagine a purple banana? Then ask questions which would normally require the person to “hear” a sound in their mind. Eg, Get them to offer the name of a song they know well and then ask them to play that in their head. What does a ringing telephone sound like? Then ask questions that evoke “feelings”. Eg, Have you ever felt mud squeezing between your toes? Have you ever patted a horse? What is the feeling you get when you’re all snuggly wrapped up in a warm bed on a cold night? What does a lemon taste like? Finally, ask questions that require them to hear the sound of their own voice. Eg, Would you recite the alphabet? What do you say to yourself when you need to get up in the morning? What do you think of this exercise that we’re doing now? What “standard” eye patterns did you notice? What variations did you notice? Be aware that sometimes these movements are in fact very rapid micro-movements. You’ll have to be very fast to notice them. Also, it doesn’t matter if someone’s eyes are closed: you’ll notice the rolling movement of the eyeball underneath. Remember that not everyone produces these precise cues, and that therefore you are not necessarily deficient in skill if you don’t seem to notice them! Exercise 4a - Practise Accessing Cues In groups of 3 or more, B holds an eye accessing position and A “labels” it (ie, says whether it is visual recall, auditory construct, or whatever). Others in the group repeat A’s label or challenge it.


25

Exercise 5 – Eye Accessing Cues in Business, Making Decisions/Solving Problems Work in groups of 2 or more. The first time through this exercise, have A ask B to think of a time when he/she solved a difficult business problem. A then asks B a series of questions about that time. B doesn't answer, but just thinks about the answers internally while A observes the eye accessing cues and makes notes on the diagrams to show which way the eyes went. A and B swap and repeat. For example: 1, Vr

2, Ar

3, K This shows that this person's eyes were observed going first to Visual (recall), then to Auditory (recall), and finally to Kinaesthetic. Of course there may have been little quick flicks before, during, and after. Some movements are too quick to track consciously, especially when we are just beginning to notice these things. Here are the questions: Where were you and what were you doing? How did you solve the problem? What was going on inside your head?


26

Exercise 5 – Part 2 The second time through this exercise, have A ask B to think of a time when he/she made an important business or career decision. A then asks B a series of questions about that time. As before B doesn't answer, but just thinks about the answers internally while A observes the eye accessing cues and makes notes on the diagrams to show which way the eyes went. B considers the relative ease or difficulty in accessing the information required by A each time. A and B swap and repeat. Here are the questions: Where were you when you made that decision? How did you arrive at that decision? What was going on inside your head? Now in your group consider the following questions: Who found it easiest to access information in one eye position than another? Who found that one position seemed to be unfamiliar or underused? What new responses arose, which hadn't occurred in the first demonstration of eye accessing cues? In what other contexts could this material be useful?


27

Predicates These are the linguistic cues which alert us to which representational system someone is using. It can be most helpful to recognise and pace these in order to build and maintain rapport, and in fact if you do not pace these you may find your client or colleague has difficulty in trusting you or even understanding you. Visual Predicates Auditory Predicates Kinaesthetic Predicates see hear feel look listen touch appear sound grasp view make music get hold of show harmonise slip through illuminate tune in/out catch on clear be all ears tap into focus rings a bell make contact imagine silence throw out picture resonate turn around catch a glimpse of deaf hard dim view overtones concrete get a perspective on attune get a handle on eye to eye outspoken touch base in light of tell boils down to make a scene clear as a bell come to grips with mind's eye call on connect with pretty as a picture clearly expressed cool/calm/collected showing off describe in detail firm foundations take a peek earful get a load of this well defined give me your ear get in touch with vivid word for word slipped my mind clarity orchestrate hand in hand You might also from time to time hear some predicates which could be described as gustatory or olfactory: tasteful, tasteless, stinks, soft buttery fabric, peachy! Most NLPers tend to lump these together with kinaesthetic predicates. Some words don’t seem to be attributable to any particular representational system: consider, think about, believe, calculate etc. This type of language is often used in technical or academic reporting and is considered to be “auditory digital”.


28

Exercise 6 - Describing a Single Event using Varied Predicates In writing, describe the same business or personal situation 3 times, using first visual, then auditory, then kinaesthetic predicates. Take about 4 lines of writing each time (it’s perfectly fine to “cheat” by using words from the list.) Exercise 7 – An Interesting Test Have one of your group tell a story about a holiday or other recent event. The purpose of this part of the exercise is merely to discover the main representational system of that person. (Where do his/her eyes keep going? What language predicates are being used? There may be a mixture, but generally one will predominate.) Have that person leave the group while the group meets in secret to write out the instructions to a particular activity. This might be “how to change a tyre”, or “how to send an email”, or “how to cook a sponge cake”. The group will write two sets of instructions: one will use primarily the language predicates favoured by the absent member, and the other set will use language predicates which the absent member either used very little or not at all. Ask the member to return and to listen to the instructions. Get the member to rate the ease with which the instructions made sense (out of 10). Which set “got through” best to him or her? Take turns so that everyone experiences the crucial difference it makes to our communications when we “get it right” with language. How easy was it to use non-familiar predicates? How useful would it be for you to develop incredible flexibility in noticing and utilizing other’s language predicates?

****************** We experience everything through our senses. That is all we have. When we seek to describe our experiences, we cannot help but display the senses through which we "make sense" of our world. Notice we are not describing the world, but our "map of the world" which by its nature can never be complete and may in fact be far from "real", at least when compared to the experience of most others. This is partly because we have different preferences for using different sensory representational systems. Some people process their experiences mainly visually, others mainly kinaesthetically, and so on.


29

Exercise 8 - Calibration - The Nitty Gritty! This exercise is from "Advanced Techniques", by Phil Boas. In groups of 3 or more, A asks B 5 questions, to each of which the answer will be "yes" (eg, “Are you in this room with us?”). B will say to him/herself "yes" (ie, internally say "yes") and then raise his/her arm or hand when he/she has said it. A and C (and anyone else in the group) are to watch, using their peripheral vision, and to notice any change that occurs between asking the question and the hand signal which indicates that the question has been answered. This procedure is followed for all 5 questions. Next, A is to ask 5 questions to which B must answer "no" (eg, “Are you sitting on a block of ice right now?). B is again instructed to say "no" internally and to raise a hand/arm as soon as that is done. Again A and C are to watch and notice any changes in B between the asking of the question and the raising of the hand/arm. Now A and C have non-verbal information on B when he/she is saying "yes" and when he/she is saying "no". Finally A is to ask B 5 questions to which A does not know the answer. A and C watch, and using the information they have been collecting, they should be able to say whether B is saying "yes" or "no". Swap in order to give everyone an opportunity to experience each role. Note: We deliberately use peripheral vision rather than foveal (central, focussed) vision to help us track physiological changes. This is because foveal vision is useful for detail, but peripheral vision is good for movement. Probably these functions evolved as survival mechanisms: early man, walking through a forest of predators, needed a warning system to minimise risk of ambush. Even today, modern soldiers are taught to use peripheral vision to maintain their safety. Exercise 9 - Heightened Awareness of Breathing Cues Breathing cues can alert us to the type of sensory representational systems (V, A, K) a person is using. When a person is breathing high in the chest (see shoulders moving) then they may be processing pictorially. When a person is breathing mid chest (abdomen not moving) they may be processing auditorially. When a person is breathing fully (abdomen moving in and out) they may be processing kinaesthetically. In groups of 3 or more, A talks to B about a situation, and every time A uses a predicate, B raises his/her hand, breathes in a V, A or K way, and names the word to which he/she was responding and which representational system he/she was modelling. C observes and comments on accuracy.


30

Submodalities These could be considered aspects, qualities or building blocks of the sensory representational systems. Although we may mentally imagine pictures, sounds, feelings, smells or tastes, the qualities of those imagined senses vary enormously. For instance, someone may be processing visually (internally representing an image), but that image has various unique qualities according to the way the individual has coded it. Some people may "see" internally in black and white, while others see colour. Some people may tend to "see" still shots or frozen images, while others see movies. As you’ll discover, the nature of the submodalities involved in any sensory representation is very much meaning contextured (eg; small might mean “insignificant”, or loud may mean “important”. However this is not universal and any individual may have the opposite experience.) Here is a list (not complete) of submodalities: Visual Auditory Kinaesthetic

associated/dissociated loud or soft temperature colour/black & white distance from sound texture (rough/smooth) location (l/r, up/down) words or sounds intensity distance location of sound pressure (hard/soft) brightness stereo/mono duration framed/panoramic continuous/not weight (light/heavy) blurred/focused speed (faster/slower) shape contrast clear/muffled moving/still soft/harsh speed (faster/slower) size 2-D or 3-D The accordance of submodalities to our representation of experience gives our experience meaning. How do we alter our subjective experience? Alter the submodalities by which we represent it. Yes, I am actually saying here that we can alter our subjective reality of the world we live in by becoming aware of and then directly altering the submodalities which we use to represent that “reality”. (Check out “An Insider’s Guide to Sub-Modalities” by Bandler and MacDonald.) You’ve probably already noticed that it’s difficult or impossible to alter the meaning of something by just deciding to do that. Willpower is just not up to the job! I wonder how surprised you will be to discover how easy it is to modify your submodalities, and thereby change the meaning of things, without even trying?


31

Changing Unhelpful Beliefs The tremendous power available to us through the awareness and modification of our submodalities is obvious as we explore an NLP "Change Belief" pattern. Keep in mind as we work through this that NLP is not a set of techniques, but more like a model for understanding experience. Nevertheless NLP has left behind it a trail of techniques which many people see as "magic wands", and indeed they can be. However a technique applied blindly may or may not work without understanding its dynamics and having the ability to alter it according to the needs of our client or ourself! A technique is also likely to prove fairly useless if we try it with someone with whom we are not in rapport! The best way to understand a Change Belief Pattern is to go ahead and experience it. In eliciting submodalities in the following exercise, have the group member bring a particular negative belief to mind and ask questions like “Is there a picture associated with that?” If the answer is yes, then you can proceed very rapidly to ask, for instance: Are you looking at the picture, or are you in it, looking out (dissociated or associated) Is it colour, or black and white Is it 2D like a TV screen or 3D like real life Is it moving or still Etc, etc, etc Do not ask about content. Keep strictly to the list. In order to keep track of the submodalities reported, make up a 3-column page for each different belief with the column headings “Visual”, “Auditory”, and “Kinaesthetic”. Read through the exercise carefully before actually doing it. Warning: You are not here to “do therapy” with each other, but rather to learn about the way your mind works and how you can “run your own mind” in order to improve your life in unlimited ways. Because of this, and also because it is so very easy to get into dangerous waters, do not, under any circumstances, allow each other to tackle highly-emotive issues in any of these exercises. Even if you were a skilled psychologist or counselor, it would be incredibly irresponsible to use these techniques in a therapeutic context without substantial practice in low-risk contexts using low-risk content. Exercise 10 - Change Belief 1 In groups of 3 or more, A thinks of a strong negative belief which gets in the way of

his/her having a more enjoyable, more productive, or more pleasurable life, and B elicits A's submodalities and writes these down in the appropriate columns.

2 A then thinks of a “weak” belief. Something which he/she believes but which is of no

particular importance or consequence, such as “It could rain tomorrow.” Be elicits and writes down B’s submodalities.


32

3 A then thinks of something which he/she used to believe but which would now be quite

ludicrous or outrageous to believe (eg, “There is a Santa Claus”.) B elicits and writes down B's submodalities.

4 B aids A in altering the submodalities of 1 (the strong negative belief) to the submodalities

of 2 (ie, turning the strong belief to a weak belief. For instance, both beliefs may have a visual submodality of video. There is nothing to alter in that case. In addition, the strong belief may have a very clear picture while the weak belief may have a picture that seems a bit “grainy”. In order to do this part of the exercise, you would start with the clear picture and turn it “grainy”).

5 A then states an alternative belief to the belief used in 1, which is not currently held as a

strong belief, (or perhaps it is not believed at all) if it were held as a very strong belief would make life more enjoyable, productive or pleasurable. (Eg, A might have initially had the strong negative belief “I’m a shocking procrastinator”. As an example of an alternative belief, A might choose “I get in and do things incredibly promptly”.

6 B aids A in altering the submodalities of the desired belief to the submodalities of 1 (ie,

make 3 a strong belief). Note: even if the submodalities themselves seem negative, still use them to represent the new positive belief. For instance, if there was a nagging voice for the strong negative belief, you need to utilise that nagging voice for the desired positive belief!

7 Finally B aids A in altering the unhelpful belief in 1 (which is now exhibiting "weak"

submodalities) to one which is no longer believed at all, or which is quite ludicrous, by altering the submodalities to those of 3.

Steps 1-7 above give the detail of what is really just 3 simple steps: 1 Take the strong negative belief and “weaken” it. 2 Then take the positive belief we’d like to have and make it “strong”. 3 Finally, take the weakened negative belief and completely destroy it by making it

“ludicrous”. Swap until everyone has had a turn being A, being B, and observing. Be aware of non-verbal calibration and be helpful in your feedback to one another. Note: It seems we cannot simply change a belief by confronting it and “deciding” to change it. However, we can alter the submodalities of that belief with great ease – in turn, the belief changes automatically.


33

Changing Unhelpful Behaviour The Swish Pattern is another powerful NLP technique which involves manipulating submodalities in order to alter our experience. Typically it is used to eliminate behaviours which we find detrimental to our enjoyment, pleasure and productivity. This may be something as debilitating as an addiction, or as stressful as a phobic response to something, or as minor as a mild chocolate craving! Here are the steps to do a good "Swish": 1 What's the final trigger ? What do you see, hear or feel just before you start the undesired

behaviour? Associate into that trigger (eg, if the final trigger before you bite your nails is a sense of tension in the fingers, imagine that you feel that sense of tension).

2 Identify your ideal state. (Not the ideal behaviour - just you with all the skills and

capabilities to have overcome the old behaviour.) Make the image big and bright and attractive, but keep it dissociated.

3 Shrink that ideal state down, small and dark. Bring back to mind the trigger picture,

sound or feeling (associated) and place the ideal image “down in the corner” of that image for the trigger.

4 Swish! Make the trigger image/sound/feeling get smaller and darker/softer/tinier, and

out of sight/hearing/away. Simultaneously enlarge and brighten the ideal image until it's all you can see. (If you like, even say or imagine a big “swish” sound as you execute the swish.) Open your eyes.

5 Repeat this five times, very fast, opening your eyes after you have enlarged the ideal state

each time. Exercise 11 - Swish Pattern In groups of 3 or more, A guides B through the swish process while the others observe. Everyone should have a turn being A, being B, and observing. What do you experience? Write down in your notes to check this with each other next time you meet. What was the result of running this exercise? Who found it worked well? Who didn’t? Can you discover any reasons for the difference?


34

Unconscious Calibration We have found that while one needs to be consciously aware in order to learn to calibrate well, it is possible to accelerate the development of unconscious skill by use of certain exercises where the conscious mind is so focused on observing a particular information set that it does not interfere with the unconscious learning of the peripherals of that skill set, or of the unconscious learning of that same skill set simultaneously experienced unconsciously. The best learning contains such elements of conscious and unconscious learnings. In fact in order to really excel at anything, we need to have incorporated and have access to unconscious learning. Consider this sequence of learning as we learn to, for example, drive a car: Unconscious incompetence As a newborn, we don’t even know we can’t drive a car. We have

unconscious incompetence when it comes to the skill of driving. Conscious incompetence As a child or young person, we are aware that we cannot, as yet,

drive a car. We are conscious of our incompetence. Conscious competence Learning to drive a car, and at first when we have gained our

licence, we can certainly execute the various skills involved, but we do so consciously, acutely aware of working the clutch and accelerator together, braking, indicating, watching the road and the cars around us, checking mirrors, etc, etc, etc. We have conscious competence.

Unconscious competence After a while, we find we are driving without conscious thought.

Have you ever driven home from work, pulled up in the driveway and realised that you don’t remember the trip?

Genius/artistry/magic This is the level of skill where we produce behaviours or experience

intuitions which we have no idea how they got there. It seems to come about when our unconscious competence has been building and bubbling away under the surface over time. It is way and beyond what we can consciously produce or even account for.

This is the level of skill of Erickson, Satir, Perls, and others. They

could reliably produce the behaviour, when they were "in the flow", but they could not directly teach others to do the same because they did not know or understand the depth of their own abilities.


35

Exercise 12 - Unconscious Calibration - How I Know I'm Me In groups of 3 or more, A enters a state called "how I know I'm me when I wake up in the morning", and B calibrates and attempts to model A's experience. C is the observer. B spends time to get into and maintain rapport with A, while C gets into and maintains rapport with B. Discussion is encouraged to assist B to obtain as precise a calibration as possible. Do not get stuck on content, stick to submodalities only! (This means you don’t need to know what’s in a mental image, that there’s a table and a chair, for example. Instead of that you must be quite strict with yourself in inquiring only about brightness, colour, picture definition, video/still, 2D/3D, etc, as well as the auditory and kinaesthetic submodalities. Get C to be the “policeman” who will stop you if you vary away from questions or comments to do with submodalities only!) Once B is successful (has explained A's experience, in the first person, using at least 6 submodalities and can duplicate the experience to A and C’s satisfaction, B then (with a sense of “being A”) moves into a state which represents "calibrating A", and C calibrates to and models this state. (At this stage C is not watching A at all, but is focused on B.) Debrief: As you “tried” on A’s submodalities, what else did you learn about A? Exercise 13 - Unconscious Calibration - More Rapport A sits while B makes true statements about A, ending with "and I like you very much". (EG, I notice that you are sitting in your chair and that your left leg is crossed over your right leg and I like you very much.) C sits where he/she can see both A and B in peripheral vision but is focused on B. C's task is to calibrate and get into a rapport state with B. Exercise 14 - Unconscious Calibration - Mindreading 1 B observes and calibrates A's thinking alternately of a green triangle, a red square, and a

blue circle until he/she is satisfied that he/she can calibrate the difference with some ease. (Hint: use peripheral vision rather than staring or scrutinizing. Peripheral vision is better than foveal vision for detection of movement or change.)

2 A then thinks of one of these shapes at random (without speaking) with B calibrating and

guessing which A is thinking of.


36

3 When you have done this exercise and feel quite confident about it, run it again, only this time A and B stand back to back, just touching. When you’ve mastered that fairly well, run the exercise again, back to back, but without touching. In each case C calibrates to B's calibrating.

Now repeat this whole exercise from 1-3. How much better did you do the second time? Warning: If you don't follow the exact directions for this exercise, or are less than honest, you may well not get the full benefits. Hint: Be aware of your own bodily felt sensations each time you calibrate each colour/shape combination. For many people this is the key to the exercise. Some people experience synaesthesia (mixing of the senses) in this exercise and find that very useful as a calibration tool.


37

Calibration and Rapport with Groups Some of the applications of being able to calibrate groups and to achieve and maintain rapport are: Coaching Be more aware of people's thoughts and feelings Interpersonal Skill Detect signs of unease, doubt or misunderstanding Meetings Identify possible hidden agendas Negotiation Gain insight into possible underlying agendas Selling Gain insights into unspoken needs or problems

• The Value of Non-Verbal Behaviour Any presenter benefits from noticing and understanding the importance of non-verbal behaviour. Whether we are aware of it or not, we nevertheless respond (we cannot not respond!). If we are consciously aware, we can be more purposeful in our response and more accurate in our determination of what is necessary to help the situation and in turn get the response from our audience that we hope for.

• What to Look and Listen For Incongruity - a mismatch between verbal and non-verbal communication. For example someone may say they understand a task which is to be done, yet do so with a high-pitched voice and jerky hand movements. Boredom - doodling, yawning, muttering to a neighbour, looking out a window, reading the handout. Change - someone who has been sitting forward, now leans back, perhaps with the beginnings of a frown or a puzzled expression. This may signify a change in thinking. Patterns of behaviour - in a lengthy presentation, you may notice that someone consistently looks up to the right and furrows his brow when they need to get clear on something.


38

• How to Do It Use peripheral vision Listen with a judgment-free mind Ask open questions such as "What's your opinion on this?" rather than "Are you having a problem with this?" Exercise 15 - Staying in Touch with Your Audience The purpose of this exercise is to develop greater awareness of the non-verbal communication of your audience and to respond so that your message is understood. Take 10 minutes to prepare a presentation to the group lasting no more than 5 minutes. Each member of the group will have roles to play and will respond to you non-verbally.

• Notice their non-verbal behaviour when they are listening quietly and when they ask questions.

• Keep an open mind.

• Use open questions to individuals to find out the thinking that underlies the response (eg “What’s your opinion of that?” “What are your thoughts on that?” Closed questions invite yes/no answers; eg, “Do you want to comment on that?”).

For the audience, use 3 pieces of paper, each with a different word: bored, confused, strongly disagree. This is the role which the audience member will play. Quickly also prepare a question that goes with that role. Swap these around so the speaker will not have advance warning about who is playing what role.

• Choose a moment to make the non-verbal response and ask the question you have chosen. Make the non-verbal response first, and then, when the presenter notices you, ask the question you’ve prepared.

• Be aware of your colleagues so that you each make a chosen response at a different time.

• If the presenter is unable to notice your non-verbal response, then just repeat it at a later stage until he/she finally notices. You might need to exaggerate!


39

Calibration and Rapport - Saying No It is often necessary to say no, to assert ourselves in order to be heard, or to put a proposal forward in the face of opposition in such a way that it is likely to be listened to. And yet we wish to maintain rapport in order to have the greatest chance of persuading, leading, guiding. An Elegant Way of Saying No In the past we have been encouraged to ask clearly for what we want, and in the face of resistance, use the "broken record" technique. Although this often works, there is a risk of losing rapport and/or co-operation. Even where the person does as we wish, there is often a feeling that one has been manipulated or co-erced. NLP offers a more elegant way of saying no by framing the communication in such a way that rapport is engendered and the listener is able to be more responsive. Framing the Message This means putting the message into a context likely to encourage receptiveness in the listener. An effective way to do this is to present the logic or the "big picture" prior to giving the message itself. The Automatic Response to a Demand People's natural reaction to being "pushed" is to push back, so when faced with an unrealistic demand our natural response is to express our objection. In most cases that will result in turn in reciprocal objection as the person's emotional response prevents their hearing our logic or even our message. The Recommended Response - NLP Effective negotiators give reasons for their proposals before putting the proposal itself, thus framing the message in such a way that the listener understands the logic and is then more receptive. This technique generally works well when we need to refuse a request or even an order.


40

Exercise 16 - Maintaining Rapport When Saying NO Part 1 In groups of 3 or more, B asks A to do some mundane task (eg stand up, shut door, write name on board). A must: � Pause � Brief reason (give the big picture or logic behind your refusal) � Polite refusal � Offer of co-operation in the future or now in some other way. Each person in the group takes turns being A, being B, and being an observer. For instance, B may say to A, “A, would you make me a cup of coffee please.” A could: pause, taking time to get into rapport, give a reason for refusal “B, I’m actually very busy right now” politely refuse, “so you’ll have to make this one yourself”, and offer co-operation or alternative “Had you thought of asking Fred to do that for you?” or “If you like, I’ll schedule you a cup of coffee tomorrow morning at 9 am?” Go ahead and have fun with this! Discuss the effect of this exercise (ie, the emotional reaction). Was it easy/easier to refuse a request using this method? Did you feel any reduction in rapport when someone refused your request? Part 2 A thinks of a situation at work where a request or order may be made (or perhaps has already been made) which he/she doesn't wish to comply with. A coaches B in putting the request to A in a realistic manner. A refuses B as in the first part of this exercise. As before, each person takes turns playing all roles, and the effect is discussed after the completion of each "turn". Note: This structure can be used when asking favours or seeking to influence, and also in order to respond more resourcefully to criticism. Eg: Why are you always so difficult!? Response: (Pause) Oh, so you think I’m always difficult? I like to think carefully when I need to make a decision and although I do my best, I can see that you might find that difficult.


41

Optional exercise: A criticizes B (please do not use hurtful criticism or offer an insult which is likely to genuinely offend!) and B responds resourcefully, using the NLP method above: restate criticism (“oh, so you think I’m always difficult”), pre-frame response (“I like to think carefully when I need to make a decision”), rebut (“and although I do my best”) and close out (“I can see that you might find that difficult”). Reverse roles so that everyone gets a turn being A and B. Optional exercise: A attempts to nag or control B. B pauses, paces the statement, gives a command or tells a decision, and closes out. Eg (B speaking) “You mustn’t let her get away with that!” A pauses, and then “You’re saying I mustn’t let her get away with that. This is my decision of course, and I’ll deal with it in my own way and in my own time. I hope that’s very clear to everyone.”


42


Module 2: State Management, Anchoring, Time Lines In NLP we think of state management as the ability to control our neurology to the extent that we can control our internal states. We know that this provides a powerful ability to create our own reality. We know we are really skilled when we can induce or help to induce these states in others. Anchoring is the setting of triggers which elicit internal states and is an important part of state management. We use the term “time lines” to describe our unique way of internally representing chronological time. Our experience of time has a structure which can be investigated and modified. Assessment Criteria for this Unit What will you need to be able to demonstrate to show that you’ve developed sufficient skills in these areas? 1 Demonstrate ability to change a “stuck” state at will. Assessment: Resource Triangle

Exercise.

2 Demonstrate the ability to enter particular states at will: confidence, connection, relaxation, fascination, joy. Assessment: provision of written generic induction for each of these states, physiological change evident to others on entering these states.

3 Demonstrate the ability to induce or help induce these states in others. Assessment:

group exercise.

4 Demonstrate ability to anchor in the 3 main representational systems: visual, auditory and kinaesthetic. Assessment: group exercise.

5 Demonstrate ability to elicit unique time-line configurations. Assessment: group exercise.

6 Demonstrate knowledge of difference between the two main types of time lines “through

time” and “in time”. Assessment: produce diagrams. 7 Demonstrate ability to manipulate aspects of a timeline for both past and future using

submodalities and also the VAK dissociation technique. Assessment: Group exercises to correct a past unresourceful decision, and to “program” one’s future with a desired outcome.


43

The Resource Triangle – An NLP Technique to Permanently Defeat Fear, Doubt and Limitations

Up until now, when doing our best to go about our business, we may have tried to do that despite an underlying feeling which could at best be described as uncomfortable, and at worst distressing. Just think of cold calling, dealing with a difficult customer, chasing up monies owed, asking for referrals, keeping paperwork up to date, and you’ll probably trigger some of those feelings! Despite all the positive thinking, all of the determination and commitment and guts that we can muster, we have not been able to eliminate that stress. We have merely tried to get around it or through it. Or maybe even pushed on in spite of it. Maybe that was OK in the past, because up till now it was the best we could do. Nowadays, thanks to a brilliant NLP technique developed by Rex Steven Sikes, and taught by The Lifeworks Group right here in Perth, there is no excuse for allowing those negative emotions or physical feelings to impinge in any way on the job we need to do! Just like an elite athlete, we cannot possibly achieve peak performance if our mental attitude is not completely congruent with our conscious desires or decisions.

• Imagine what it would be like to no sooner think about the calls you wanted to make than you found yourself naturally and effortlessly drawn to the phone and into those calls with a feeling of pleasure and enjoyment.

• Imagine what it would be like to hear a series of objections and instantly be able to access several possible courses of action and weigh them up rapidly and accurately.

• Imagine what it would be like to feel so unselfconscious and relaxed that 100% of your focus could be on your client or potential client.

• Imagine what it would be like to have total conviction of your ability to earn whatever you chose.

How much could that impact on your earning potential? These are just some of the attitudes and behaviours you can achieve, effortlessly, when you practise and master the techniques I’m about to share with you. They don’t involve willpower – they involve changing the way your unconscious mind works! Fear, Doubt and Limiting Beliefs are Just Neurological Recipes Every single emotional or physical response we have depends on a precise, perfectly sequenced array of neurological processes. Without that, neurotransmitter activity would not cause hormonal reactions and we would not experience emotions.


44

No neurotransmitters, no adrenaline rush, no “fear” feeling. Ever wondered why you get that same feeling in your gut or chest every time you think of making cold calls? It’s that sure-fire neurological recipe at work again! How the Resource Triangle Works The Resource Triangle works by literally stuffing up the recipe for fear (or any other negative feeling). And it stuffs up the recipe, not by fighting against it, but by simply adding the wrong ingredients, over and over again, until your internal “programming” for the recipe is permanently ruined. The Resource Triangle is a deceptively simple floor exercise. Not only does it use state management (imagining 5 or 6 scenarios that are in contrast to the stressed state), but it also uses 2 very clever NLP hypnotic language patterns. The Resource Triangle requires discipline, a good imagination and an ability to follow instructions to the letter. You may be ready to learn the Resource Triangle right now. Are you ready to learn it right? Step 1 - Resource States In this step you list 6 resource states that you will use during the process of running the Resource Triangle. The term “resource state” refers to any internal state whatsoever that is different from the target state (eg, stress). This resource state can be positive or negative. That has no bearing whatsoever, believe it or not. (This is not a positive thinking exercise. It is a technique to mess up a pattern of behaviour or an attitude that you don’t want so that it just can’t “run” any more.) So it doesn’t matter whether the resource state is positive or negative. The really, really, important thing is that the resource state is a strong one that is also different from the target state. I cannot stress enough that this will differ from one individual to another. For example, one individual could use a state of intense anger to help eliminate a feeling of fear. For another person, his/her fearful feeling could also contain aspects of anger. The second person should not, in this case, use anger as a resource state. Clearly, in that case it would be a very big mistake to use anger as a resource state because that would merely add to the stress, not contrast with it. We want our resource states to contrast big-time with our target state.


45

Note: I’m calling our problem state or feeling the “target state”. A target state does not have to have any emotion which can be discerned. For instance, a strong negative belief (one which you’d rather not have) nevertheless is experienced by you along with a definite physical sensation, such as a “gut” feeling. You can test this out for yourself by simply being aware of your body feelings when you say “2 + 2 = 4”, compared to saying “2 + 2 = 5”. The Resource Triangle can be used for any thought, belief, or feeling that you wish to eliminate, not just things you’d describe as “emotional”. Step 1 of the Resource Triangle requires you to make a list of resource states which you’ll be using in the floor exercise part (which is Step 3). The list might look like this (each imagined experienced will involve as many of the senses as possible and will be intensified to the max):

� Standing on a beautiful hotel balcony, overlooking the ocean and a majestic sunset.

� Mud squelching up through the toes, maybe with accompanying stench if it’s swamp mud!

� The thought of your lover, naked

� A ridiculous thought, like a dog with centipede legs

� Being on a beach in perfect conditions on your perfect day.

� The experience of hearing chalk on a blackboard.

� The funniest thing you ever experienced

� Remembering a massage

� Your favourite food.

� A favourite piece of music

� The most exhilarating memory you have (Bungy? Hang gliding? Parachuting? Winning a prize?).

� The thought of your child’s sleeping face

� Sitting in a spa bath and feeling utterly relaxed.


46

Just double check this list to make sure that you can imagine each item very easily and very intensely, and that each item has a very different feeling to the stressed feeling you are going to eliminate. Step 2 - Prepare the Floor Exercise For this part you need 3 pieces of paper (any size, even “post-it” notes will do the job). On one of these write a large “S” on another “D” and on the other “R”. These letters stand for “stuck”, “detached” and “resource” respectively. Lay these pieces of paper on the floor in the form of an equilateral triangle, point up. The “S” goes at the point at the top. The “D” goes at the lower left corner. The “R” goes at the lower right corner. The distance between the pieces is one stride length. You will be stepping from the “S” to the “D” to the “R” and back to the “S”, and then off to the side to the “starting point” marked by the big asterisk below.

The Set-up for the Resource Triangle

Lay out your 3 pieces of paper just like this. * marks the “starting point” (and “finishing point”) for each “round”.

Step 3 - The Process Please don’t even think about starting this process until you’ve read all the way through, studied it carefully, and are sure you understand exactly what I am telling you do. This will include the timing of stepping from one point to another, what you think about and what you say to yourself at each stage. If you do not do any of that exactly as I say, I guarantee you’ll be wasting your time. Then you’ll say “That stupid technique didn’t work!” when really you simply didn’t do the technique anyway! Before you even start this exercise, decide exactly what it is you want to eliminate. Let’s take the example of the feeling you get when you think of cold calling. What thought or thing is guaranteed to give you that feeling each time? Is it the sight of the telephone? Or is it merely the thought of the telephone even without a telephone within a mile? Maybe it’s the call sheet that does it to you, or the sound of your boss’s voice (or your own self talk) telling you that

S

D R

*


47

you have to make those calls. That thought or thing is the mental “trigger” that you use to start off the Resource Triangle. 1 Before you commence moving around the triangle, you’ll stand at the top of it,

alongside the “S”, facing forward. (See the “starting point” in figure 5 on the previous page.) You must be in a neutral state (so think about whether Prince Charles will be King, or whether it will rain tomorrow, or something else you don’t particularly care about one way or another).

2 Step onto or near the “S” and make sure you still feel absolutely neutral, before briefly

allowing yourself to be triggered into the stress you’ve been feeling. When I say “briefly”, I mean that you just want the merest beginning of the thought trigger that has caused you to feel stressed. As soon as you get the merest inkling of that stress coming back, you are going to get off that “S” and detach from the feeling, fast. (Make sure you use the same trigger each time you go back to the “S”. If you think of someone’s face the first time, the general situation the next time, what someone said the next time, then you won’t get a result, I promise you. USE THE SAME IDENTICAL THOUGHT TRIGGER EACH TIME ROUND THE TRIANGLE).

3 Leap (carefully!) off the “S” and backwards onto the “D”. The reason I want you to do

this rather quickly is to symbolise the speed and thoroughness of the detachment away from the stressed feeling. People use different methods to succeed in getting that detachment. Some people imagine that they’ve left their body standing on the “S” and right now they’re looking at their own back. Some people imagine slamming a big steel door shut on the “S”. Others just look out a window and absorb themselves in making cloud shapes. Find something that works for you quickly and completely because you must be able to snap right out of that “S” feeling. Once you know that you’re feeling quite detached and neutral, select the first item from your list and step onto the R.

4 Stepping onto the “R”, immediately begin getting into the full sensory experience of the

resource state you have chosen (NB: make sure you already decided which resource state BEFORE you stepped on the “R”). Use all of your senses to intensify this experience to the max. Once you’re certain you are intensely in the experience you say to yourself “I wrap this all around me (use your arms if necessary to get this “wrapping around” feeling) and you then step towards the “S” saying “and I take this back to where I had been stuck”……

5 Stepping on the “S” ensure that you have the intense resource experience and then allow

that to meld with the stress. For example, you may be imagining the balcony scene from the list above, and as you are standing on the balcony, you imagine the trigger that got you into the “S” in the first place. Have those two sets of sensory experiences mingle as much as you can imagine, and as you do so, say to yourself “I wonder how ….. That feels differently now.” Make sure that the underlined part of this sentence is said in a command tonality, not as a question. Do not under any circumstances analyse or attempt to “answer” this question.


48

Step off the “S” (standing in your starting position) and ensure that you’re in a neutral starting state and repeat steps 1-5 above, each time selecting the next item on your list for your “R”. Each time round the triangle is called, naturally, a “round”. You’ll do perhaps 5 or 6 “rounds”, each “round” using a different scenario from your resource list. Most negative responses, including stress and even rage or depression, can be eliminated within 6 rounds of the Resource Triangle. That’s how powerful this technique is if you get it right.

Once you have successfully eliminated the stress from a single trigger, investigate the stressful situation to see if there are any other triggers that still produce stress for you. Treat each of those in the same way, and you’ll find it impossible to feel stress over this type of situation ever again. If you consistently and regularly use the Resource Triangle, you’ll eventually find it impossible to get stuck on anything at all. You’ll become the most resilient person on the planet! In fact, I’ll let you in on a secret. You probably already know that one of the things that marks out Lifeworks as special is that when it comes to our training material, we put our money where our mouth is by stringently testing it in clinical trials. At the end of 2000, we tested the Resource Triangle by making it the centrepiece of a clinical trial of a new approach to the treatment of depression in the moderate to severe range. In just 6 days, all but 2 of our participants had eliminated their depression, without medication. At 6-month follow-up, instead of regression, which most studies experience, our participants had actually improved further. That’s how powerful the Resource Triangle is! Check out the research paper on www.lifeworks-group.com.au relating to this study. It’s been peer-reviewed and published in the academic journal “Frontier Perspectives”. Exercise 17 – The Resource Triangle In groups of 2, help your partner to run through the Resource Triangle on 5 problems or problem states, a minimum of 5 times each. Swap and repeat. (These problems may be: a negative belief, a negative thought, a feeling of indecision about a particular situation, a slight sadness, a moderate feeling of anger about someone, a feeling of regret over something or someone, a feeling of frustration over a task, a slight fear or misapprehension about something.) Double check for each problem that the resource states your partner has chosen are very different from the feeling of the target state. Also make sure that the resource states “work”, that is, they your partner can get into them quickly, easily, and fairly intensely. Write down your description of the Resource Triangle here, including the language patterns.


49

In your own words, write the steps for the Resource Triangle here: ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Anchoring Anchoring is the utilisation of rapidly-induced stimulus/response bonds to achieve management of internal states. This is a fascinating area of study, with many exciting applications in the whole of life, as you will see and experience for yourself. At the end of this module you should have an understanding of the physiology behind effective anchoring, and be able to demonstrate applications of several types of anchoring to a variety of situations. Precision anchoring is a skill and therefore requires practice in order to achieve real competence. That means you’ll be practising on yourself because that is the best and fastest way to gain a full appreciation of the effect of anchoring on others. Most of us can identify stimulus/response bonds in our own lives and this process has been happening for as long as there have been humans. Pavlov is famous for his stimulus/response bond experiments with dogs. Where does the response begin? How does it happen? We know that all information comes to the brain through a structure called the thalamus. From there it is “transduced” to the hippocampus and amygdala, structures which code the information with “flight or flight”, or other emotional “meanings”. This is all below consciousness. The importance of this will be recognised when you realise that when a person has a phobic response, the first place in the brain where the electrical activity relating to the response takes place is in the reptilian brain and the central nervous system! Not the frontal cortex. Cognitive function is a long way down the track.


50

(So why do we waste time applying cognitive therapies to non-cognitive problems? Especially when therapies like NLP have been available for over 20 years!) We urge you to learn to use these techniques for yourselves and for others. If you are a therapist, counsellor, mentor or coach, please especially teach these techniques to your clients so they can more rapidly and gently be set free from their various distresses, including the emotional blocks which hold them back from their dreams. We typically use variations on basic anchoring techniques to relieve clients of a range of distresses: phobias, compulsions, sensitivities, anger, grief, etc. We already have a lot of anchors, in all sensory systems: Visual: Our husband or wife gives us “that look” and we immediately respond with emotion.

Someone holds out their hand and we automatically reach out to shake it. Auditory: We hear an old song from our teenage years and are immediately transported back to that

time. The phone rings and we jump to answer it. Kinaesthetic: The feeling of mud between our toes automatically gives rise to feelings of delight or

revulsion. A limp handshake automatically makes our stomach “churn”. Olfactory: The feeling we get when we smell fresh-baked bread. That perfume that reminds us

straight away of “her”. Gustatory: Someone bakes us pie for us “just like Mum used to make” and as we take a bite we get

an automatic feeling that goes with it. We bite into an orange and our lips swell up because when we were a kid we bit an orange with a wasp on it and got bitten in turn!

We can install our own anchors in any of these sensory systems. What sort of feelings would you like to anchor? How might you use anchoring? Perhaps these: Immediately access a desired resourceful state Overcome a fear or a phobia Replace stress with calm Replace sadness with peace Setting Anchors There are three things to remember in setting anchors: precision, precision, precision! Set the anchor in the same way, with the same intensity, with the same duration, at just the moment the person is coming toward the “peak” of the state you wish to anchor. If you were setting a kinaesthetic anchor, for instance, you would make sure you touch exactly the same spot (you could use a chalk mark, or a spot on a seam, or even a freckle) with the same intensity (a stronger touch does not mean it sets “harder”!) and for exactly the same time duration.


51

The reason we set anchors as people are coming toward the peak of a state, rather than at the peak, is that internal states tend to drop away very quickly once the peak of the state is actually reached. Do you really want to anchor “dropping away”? Then make sure you set your anchor as the person is coming into the peak of the state. (This will test your calibration skills!) Exercise 18 – Collapse Anchors (Kinaesthetic Anchors) In this exercise, A will set kinaesthetic anchors on B for 2 different states. The negative state will be anchored on the left knee, and the resourceful state will be anchored on the right knee. Before you start, pick out the point of contact, which might be 2 fingertips on a particular bony protusion, or on a particular point in a fabric crease or on a seam. In groups of 3 or more: 1 A helps B to elicit an unresourceful state which B would like to eliminate and anchors that

state. (For instance, this could be the unpleasant state B gets into every time he/she experiences the thought of eating brussel sprouts. As B comes toward the peak of the state, A will lean over and touch the agreed point on the knee.)

2 Break to a neutral state (get B to count back from 20 by 3’s, or to focus on a wall print, or

whatever). 3 Repeat 1 and 2 until when B is neutral and you “fire” the anchor, B gets some of that

unresourceful state automatically. B will not necessarily think “brussel sprouts” or whatever, but certainly B should be aware that the same physical feelings that accompanied the “brussel sprouts” thought are now being experienced because of that touch.

4 A now helps B to elicit a highly resourceful state which B typically enjoys very much and

anchors that state on the other knee (this state need not relate to the unresourceful state in any way – a logical connection is not required. This might be the imagined experience of gourmandising on some particularly nice chocolate, but it could also be the imagined experience of a fantastic massage, or the excitement of winning a competition).

5 Break to a neutral state. 6 Repeat 4 and 5 until when B is neutral and you “fire” the anchor, B gets some of the

resourceful state automatically. 7 A then asks B to go back into the unresourceful state and fires off the “unresourceful”

anchor.


52

6 As soon as A sees that B has entered that state, A says “and put that over the top of it” as he/she simultaneously fires the “resourceful” anchor (both anchors are maintained simultaneously for about 2 seconds).

7 When A sees B look confused, or “spacy”, A will simply say “That’s right” and lift the

unresourceful anchor off the knee, followed in 2 seconds by lifting the resourceful anchor off the knee.

8 Break to a neutral state. 9 Repeat this last step twice. 10 Now, from a neutral state, fire the resourceful anchor and ask B to think about that

problem now. If you’ve done this exercise well, B will think quite differently about this now. In fact, even when you fire the old unresourceful anchor, B should still think quite differently about what was formerly a problem.

So can B access the unresourceful state at all now? Even when the unresourceful anchor is fired? Swap until everyone has had a turn at being A, B, and observer. What does this exercise remind you of (that you've already experienced in this course)? State Management At any given time we are in a particular “internal state” which is unique to us and our neurology. Our performance, indeed our pleasure in life itself, is a direct result of that internal state. So, do we wish to choose our internal state for at least a significant portion of time, or are we content to accept whatever state happens to be unconsciously manifesting at the moment? The direction in which we proceed in life depends absolutely on where we direct our minds. Our internal state is the sum total of our current experience. Experience has structure. That structure can be described in terms of submodalities and can be modified. Do you remember the “Change Belief” exercise? We know we can’t just decide to change a belief, but we can alter the submodalities of a belief and automatically and effortlessly change the belief. Similarly, we can elicit a state within ourselves and others if we are aware of the submodalities of that state.


53

Exercise 19 – Eliciting the Structure of an Internal State – Joy When eliciting a state from another person GO FIRST ☺☺☺☺! In groups of 4 or more, A attempts (internally) to recall a time when he/she felt particularly joyful and then asks B to recall a time when B felt particularly joyful. 1 A then elicits all the qualities/features of that state, checking as many submodalities as

possible and noting key words. The rest of the group may offer assistance to A. (Remember, you are not interested in the content – restrict yourself to questions about submodalities only!)

2 Swap over roles until everyone has been A, B, and observer. 3 Together the group compares notes, compiling a generic list of the qualities/features and

submodalities of “joy”. 4 Together the group makes up a set of hints/instructions for helping people to feel “joy”

based on the generic list. This could be called a “script for elicitation”. The script will start: “I wonder if you can remember a time when you felt particularly joyful. Do you remember that your …………., and your ………… and you may even had said to yourself something like ‘…………………….’”.

Exercise 20 – Installing a State – Joy 1 In groups of 4 or more (which will have at least 2 people from another group from the

previous exercise), A talks B into a state of “joy” using the script put together previously. 1 Swap until everyone has had a turn being A, B and observer. 2 Everyone in the group enters a neutral state, and then sees how quickly he/she can

reaccess the internal state of “joy”. Feel free to anchor this state! As you come toward the peak of this state, just press 2 fingers together. In a moment, when you learn to access other states at will, you can anchor these with the same 2 fingers. Putting complementary anchors together in this way is called ‘stacking anchors’ and is a powerful way to exponentially increase the effect of these states.

Exercise 21 – Eliciting and Installing States – Relaxation, Confidence, Connection, Fascination Remember to GO FIRST, meaning that before you attempt to lead your partner into any state, you will first go into rapport with your partner, and then move into that state yourself. In groups of 4 or more complete the following process for each one of these states just as we have for joy.


54

1 A elicits from B the features/qualities of the state, including submodalities. 2 Group members take turns being A, B and observer. 3 The group constructs a generic list of features/qualities and submodalities of the state. 4 The group constructs an induction script for installing the state, commencing with “I

wonder if you can recall a time when you felt ………(the state)” 5 After first going to a neutral state, the members of the group discover how quickly they

can now access the state. Set your anchor for each of these states in the same place. 6 From a neutral state, when you fire this anchor, what is the result? Anchoring States – Visually and Auditorially Exercise 22 – Visual Anchoring In groups of 4 of more participants discuss appropriate visual anchors which they may use. (You might move your hands in a certain way, or wave a pen, for instance.) A elicits the state of “confidence” in B, several times, and each time sets the visual anchor. (Remember to go to a “neutral” state in between elicitations.) A then tests the effectiveness of the anchor by having B go to a neutral state, and without saying anything, fires the visual anchor. B gives feedback. Members of the group swap to take turns being A, B and observer. Try to use different visual anchors for each “turn”. Exercise 23 – Auditory Anchoring As above, but this time using auditory anchors. (You might clap or rub your hands together, click with your tongue, tap a pen on the table.) Advanced Exercise (Optional) Can you induce these states in others non-verbally? Get A and B to sit or stand in front of the group. Their job is to go into as deep rapport as they can. When they’re ready, A is to move into any one of the states you’ve been practicing, without telling B which one. Have B guess which one and report on his/her own response.


55

Can you see how you can positively impact on everyone around you, whether at home, socially, or in the business environment? Very Advanced Exercise (Also Optional) Repeat the last exercise, but this time back to back and not touching. What happens to the physiology of A and B? How successful are they? TIME LINES In NLP we refer to “time lines” to describe how people spatially store information about events which occurred in different times. It is supposed that if we did not have a system for coding time in this way, it might be difficult to differentiate between something which happened last week and something which happened, say, six months ago. It can be very obvious where people spatially store their memories. How often do you notice that when people refer to past events they gesture to their left, or behind themselves? And when people refer to the future, they often gesture to their right, or in front. In extreme cases, a person might even just about twist their head off their shoulders trying to look backwards over their heads in response to a question about the distant past! We label these two commonly-observed configurations (left to right, or back to front) as “Through Time” or “In Time”. (Remember there are many, many variations on these.)

Sample Diagram of “Through Time” (Looking down on person’s head)

Past Present Future

O

For a Through Time person, time is linear and sequential and it is believed that memories will generally be dissociated. Through Time people generally find that for them planning is a simple task and have an excellent judgement of the passing of time, therefore tending to be on time for appointments and able to judge how long a task will take.


56

Sample Diagram of “In Time”

Future

o Present Past For an In Time person, the past exists behind them and the future in front. They are very much “in the moment” and not as aware of time duration, thus tending to misjudge the length of time required for a task and tending to be late for appointments. Often these people are shocking procrastinators! It is believed that memories will generally be associated. Using Time Lines Time lines, like all experience, have structure and therefore have submodalities. These may easily be manipulated to change the meaning of events which occurred in the past, or to influence events which may happen in the future. (Whenever we truly change our internal perceptions or attitudes relating to a particular person or situation, we cannot help but impact, thus altering events, altering “reality”.) You may already know what sort of time line you have. In fact, you may be aware that you run two or more time lines, depending upon the type of task you’re engaged in. What if you don’t know what Time Line you have? You can usually elicit someone’s time line very directly by asking them to remember an event from the past, and then asking what direction that came from. Then ask them to think of a possible future event and ask what direction that came from. It is often easy to elicit someone’s time line merely by watching them talk about past, present and future events. They will tell you non-verbally. Some people even point as they speak!


57

Exercise 24 – Check out Your Time Line Relax and close your eyes, and then float up above your time line as if you were in an aeroplane and your line was far below. What does it look like? What is its shape? How thick is it? What texture? Warm? Cool? What direction does it run? Is it black/white or colour? How bright or dim is it? How clear or unclear is it? Is it moving or still? Look back along your time line and notice how you’ve represented all the events of your life. Are there areas which are darker or lighter? Does the colour differ? On your time line, pick out an insignificant event from your past. Make sure this is an event which is not at all important to you. What happens when you darken this area of your time line? Turn it black? What happens when you brighten it? White it out? What happens when you playfully boot it off your time line altogether? And turn it face down alongside your time line? And watch as it turns to dust and blows away in the breeze? And what delightful constructed memory could we put there instead? Let’s see. Look along your time line until you find a truly wonderful event and notice all of the features of your time line at that point. Alongside that wonderful event, make a duplicate of the time line at that point. Experiment with changing the submodalities of that duplicate to really “ramp up” your feelings about it (eg, if you make it full colour, does that add to your feelings, if you make it a moving picture, does that add to your feelings, if you add nice music, does that add to your feelings?) Take that ramped-up photo-copy back to the point in your time line where you booted off that old, nothing memory, and gently insert the photo-copy into that point. Move back just before that point and look along your time line to where you are now. Notice the effect on the whole of your time line, including into the future. And when you’re ready, put your time line back where it belongs and come back to us here, now, in this room.


58

Debrief together, discussing the submodalities that each person noticed, as well as discussing the effect of each stage of the exercise. It may well be that the submodality changes which individuals used to “ramp up” their photo-copy were quite unique. It may be that some people did not work with visual submodalities at all, but used auditory and kinaesthetic submodalities to do this exercise. Exercise 25 – Using the Time Line to Program Your Future (Effortless Goal Achievement) 1 In pairs, A asks B to nominate a future goal. Use Well-formedness Conditions to help

specify their outcomes and make sure the outcome is stated as completely as possible. (Make sure the outcome is not an emotional state, but an actual thing which your partner wishes to achieve. Putting an internal state into the future merely delays having it. We have already learned that any internal state is available now!)

2 A helps B to create a detailed image of the desired outcome: use as many visual, auditory

and kinaesthetic submodalities as necessary to get a very solid image or other representation of this goal. Anchor this state kinaesthetically (by touch, as the person is coming toward the peak of the experience of “having that outcome”.).

3 A tells B to float above his/her time line and go to the future to the time when it would

be most appropriate to have accomplished this desired outcome. A asks B to bring up the image or other representation of the desired outcome (fires anchor) and insert this into the time line, immediately then associating into the image. A asks B to notice their feelings and adjust their submodalities until they feel that the image is real. (A and B can talk to one another in order to experiment with submodalities in order to get a feeling that could be described as “real and intense”.)

4 A asks B to step out of the desired outcome image and turn to look back at the present.

A tells B to notice that all the events between then and now are changing and rearranging to totally support them in achieving their desired outcome.

5 A tells B to return to the present and now look toward the future and notice that the

accomplishment of this desired outcome sets a direction of achievement for them into the future.

6 Note: If B requires certain resources to achieve their desired outcome, such as learning

something, they can float back into a time in the past where they learned something (anything) easily, associate into this experience, anchor it and bring it with them. As they move along the time line from that point, tell them to look down and find the appropriate point to put all that they need in order to ensure their desired outcome.

Debrief together, getting all the information you can from one another about the impact of this exercise and the way submodality change may have meant different things to different people. In your diaries, note down the future dates to check back with one another about the actual achievement of these goals!


59


Module 3 : Neuro-somatic Changework, Introduction to the Meta Model and Sleight of Mouth In this block you will gain an understanding of a modern, scientifically sound neuro-somatic tool called Neuro-stim, developed by the author, as well as facility with the use of idiosyncratic language to help elicit internal states in self and others. You'll also learn about the Meta Model, a tool for understanding the building blocks of language as a representation of experience. You will recognise and respond resourcefully to the distortions, deletions and generalisations that occur when we attempt to describe our experience of the world. This is an empowering tool for communication, persuasion, and logical thinking. Sleight of mouth is fun to learn and easy to apply. Essentially we use "tricks of language" to expose deletions, distortions and generalisations in such a way that we expand the personal freedom of self and others. Assessment Criteria for this Module 1 Explain a modern, scientific theory underpinning the neuro-somatic technique known as

NeuroStim. 2 Demonstrate ability to use language to precisely elicit key internal states representative of

"problem" states. Includes ability to utilise the language and metaphor of others. 3 Demonstrate ability to creatively challenge an outcome through testing and calibration of

internal states and "future pacing" apparent changes. 4 Describe and understand the key aspects of the Meta Model: distortions, deletions and

generalisations. This includes an understanding of the following terms:

Surface structure Deep structure Comparative deletion Modal operator of possibility Modal operator of necessity Nominalisation Referential index


60

Universal quantifier Cause/Effect Complex Equivalence Incompletely specified verb Presupposition

5 Demonstrate the use of verb tense as a way of inducing change through modification of temporal coding.

NeuroStim

As you read the following information, please keep in mind that much of this is provided merely to give a partial historical background to the development of neuro-somatic techniques. Although more modern techniques are at least partially refinements of “energy psychology”, in particular a technique known as “EFT”, the author sees no reliable evidence for the existence of an “energy system” (there is not a shred of scientific evidence supporting such a system, even in China) and in fact at this point in time vigorously repudiates “energy psychology” as a valid field. However if I had not learned and used EFT, and thought about why EFT worked (because it does!) I would not have been able to determine the crucial variables that made it work (ie, sorting out the valuable aspects from the “smoke and mirrors” aspects) and I certainly would not have then gone on to research and construct a sound theoretical base for NeuroStim, which I regard as a sub-set of NLP.

In 1998 the news got out on the NLP chat lists that there was a new therapy called EFT that claimed results bordering on miraculous. It was called Emotional Freedom Techniques, and partly involved tapping on “energy meridian points”. My chat groups went into a sort of frenzy on EFT, to the point where EFT had taken over the topic of discussion to the exclusion of the original "purpose" of the groups. The topic was even banned on some lists and various groups split off to continue uninterrupted discussion and investigation of this seemingly miraculous new approach. Over time a “field” has developed called “energy psychology” and this field has become so riddled with uncritical and mystical thinking that it has rightfully earned the scorn of the medical profession. As you will see, what first seemed miraculous was merely misunderstood, and nowadays we have much better approaches than EFT, all because we looked beneath the “magic” and identified and described the biological mechanisms which were at play. Today we have BMSA (Brief, Multi-Sensory Activation) a powerful set of therapeutic applications


61

that is soundly based on consensus scientific theory, and which allows results which are not only superior, but are quite predictive because of that scientific basis.

A Brief History of Neuro-Somatic Techniques “Tapping on the energy system while being tuned to an emotional (or physical) problem is an extraordinary healing technique that is deserving of the Nobel Prize. Its impact on the healing sciences is bound to be enormous.” Dr F Gallo As predicted by Dr Gallo, the impact has been enormous, but not in a way which he has enjoyed! EFT actually has its genesis in Traditional Chinese Medicine. The ancient Chinese, and many other ancient cultures, believed that we all have an “energy body” and that energy flows through this body along lines called “meridians”. They believed that “blockage” in the meridians caused illness. They identified many different points on the physical body, which, when stimulated, seemed to impact on the energy body and thus influence health. Modern acupuncture and acupressure, as well as reflexology and other energy therapies, have their genesis in TCM. Although scientists now know that we are not impacting on a “meridian” system when we use acupuncture, for example, but are instead impacting on the nervous system, the idea of tapping or rubbing on the body while at the same time “attuned” to a problem state has nevertheless proved to be incredibly useful. The move from ancient Eastern mysticism to modern scientific rationalism began with a spurious set of techniques called “applied kinesiology”. The person who really brought it all to public attention was an American psychologist, Dr Roger Callahan, who developed Thought Field Therapy (originally called the Callahan Techniques), a truly bizarre and unsupported system of diagnosis and treatment of emotional causes according to a range of particular algorithms, or sequences of tapping on precise meridian points. I should let you know right here that Dr Callahan’s work, although claimed to be highly successful, has not ever stood up to scientific examination. In other words, at this stage there appears to be no basis for his claims of success. The plural of “anecdotal evidence” is not “proof”! However without Callahan, there would probably be no NeuroStim (or other effective neuro-somatic techniques) today! The story goes that Dr Callahan was working with a chronically phobic patient, Mary, who had had such a fear of water that she had to be accompanied by someone wherever she went, just in case she saw so much as a photograph of water. Mary couldn't even face an inch of water in her bath tub, nor could she look at a puddle of water on the road! Dr Callahan deduced that Mary had a blockage in a meridian point just below the eye. Upon tapping this point, Mary's phobia was completely and permanently eliminated and to this day (over 20 years later) Mary is claimed to have no problem with water. (And I add here that this type of miraculous result is commonly experienced through spurious techniques. Placebo can be a powerful force.) Needless to say, Dr Callahan was extremely excited by his discovery and at first thought he had


62

discovered the cure to all phobias (a sort of therapeutic "Eureka!" experience). Indeed, some of his clients got results in just that way, others required different or more complex treatment. Eventually Dr Callahan went on to develop the very complex and sophisticated system known as Thought Field Therapy. This system was structured around the basic principle that there was one and only one sequence of tapping points (called an "algorithm") which would relieve a particular problem. It took a great deal of time and cost a very large amount of money ($US100 000) to learn the full techniques. Dr Callahan suffered disdain and ridicule from his own profession as a result of his work and his efforts to bring it to a wider audience. His licence and livelihood were threatened by the governing Psychological Board in California and he claimed he was unable to have his research published because no editor would touch this formerly highly-esteemed researcher. I am reminded of that wonderful piece from Ayn Rand's book "The Fountainhead":

"Throughout the centuries there were men who took the first steps down new roads armed with nothing but their own vision. Their goals differed, but they all had this in common: that the step was first, the road new, the vision unborrowed, and the response they received - hatred. The great creators - the thinkers, the artists, the scientists, the inventors - stood alone against the men of their time. Every great new thought was opposed. Every great new invention was denounced. They fought, they suffered and they paid. But they won." (Ayn Rand, from Howard Roark's speech in "The Fountainhead")

These days Dr Callahan still faces disdain, because his actions in refusing investigation and lying about success rates have rightfully been described as fraudulent. It has been well over 20 years since Dr Callahan announced his technique and yet there is not one single piece of validated research demonstrating its worth. It’s a great pity that the man who can genuinely claim to have given birth to neuro-somatic interventions has been so utterly left behind because of his own refusal to face the truth. It was Gary Craig, the first person to pay the $US100 000 fee to Dr Callahan to learn his techniques, who discovered that the sequence of tapping was unnecessary. He developed EFT, a sort of one-size-fits-all, very easy, simple system, and his mission in life is to bring this healing modality into common use so that everyone has the benefit, not merely the wealthy. The flip side to this generosity is that unfortunately in his enthusiasm to promote EFT, he has given rise to a whole new batch of charlatans with no ability to safely fulfill the role of therapist or counselor, but who have a technique they see as “magic”, and the misguided confidence to set up practice and deploy their ministrations on a gullible public. Because most doctors immediately dismiss the ridiculous theories of “energy psychology” Mr Craig’s response is to denigrate doctors and allopathic medicine in general. This is another dangerous flipside to EFT.

As someone who pioneered the use of EFT in Australia, and who has taught thousands of people and hundreds of therapists how to apply it in daily life and in a therapeutic context, I feel


63

somewhat embarrassed at this point that I was “sucked in” by the “energy paradigm” of EFT. As a researcher I am always interested in discovering “facts” or “truths” and my continued investigation of EFT revealed that much of EFT was mystical and irrational nonsense. When I analysed what was actually happening during the EFT process, it became evident that conventional neuroscience not only more than adequately explained all the phenomena, but also made a far more effective approach very obvious to me. That approach was NeuroStim. What has this got to do with NLP? NeuroStim uses sensory stimulation to interrupt emotional or behavioural patterns known as conditioned responses. It provides this interruption in a very precise and targeted way, utilizing a similar mechanism to the NLP “collapse anchors” technique. The beauty of NeuroStim is that is has a far more vast application, across a range of emotional or psychological disorders. In clinical research, it has even proven to be an effective treatment of chronic pain. NeuroStim is truly a valid sub-set of NLP. NeuroStim - A Neuro-Perceptive Technique to Eliminate Fear, Doubt and Limitations Even though we now have vastly more effective interventions than ever before, nevertheless there is no such thing as a technique that works 100% of the time for 100% of people. Nothing is that certain, because even a deadly disease or poison doesn’t generally kill 100% of the people or animals exposed to it! Because I’m determined, and I just love overkill, I like to have a whole toolbox of techniques available to me at any time. If one of them doesn’t work immediately, I drop it like a hotcake and go on to the next one. Of course, sometimes persistence is required, particularly for big or complex issues, but mostly I can be assured that there is something in my kit that will do the job for me pretty quickly. NeuroStim, which I developed in 2003, is the culmination of over 15 years’ research in behaviour modification techniques, including the relatively new field of neuro-psychology, as well as modern research in neuroscience. NeuroStim is based on three widely-accepted scientific premises: 1 That mental/emotional states are not “real” in themselves, but are perceived as real merely because of neurological activity, particularly around the amygdala region of the brain. This view is supported by studies in neuro-physiology and demonstrated via brain imaging. 2 We can often permanently eliminate (extinguish) an emotional response if we simultaneously trigger that response and some other strong sensory stimulus. This view is supported by the latest clinical research into the nature of memory and learning.


64

3 We can aid a more adaptive response to a stressful situation by stimulating the “smart vagus”. The smart vagus is part of the poly-vagal system associated with the tenth cranial nerve, called the vagus. Some of the responses mediated by this system are: the flight/fight/freeze syndrome, heart rate, perspiration rate, digestive function, and many others. It is the poly-vagal system that is often called the “social engagement system” and is responsible for our adaptive responses to stressors in our environment, such as conflict, cold calling, public speaking, etc. Put simplistically, anything that helps to activate or stimulate that part of the vagus known as the “smart” vagus tends to result in better responses and automatically produces superior coping behaviour. That’s why I like to end each “bracket” of NeuroStim by activating the smart vagus. You can do that very easily by tapping on the top third of the sternum (the bone that runs down the centre of your chest – the breast bone) while thinking about the problem you’re treating. As you do this, breathe in strongly through your nose, and then powerfully exhale through the mouth. This process should not be confused with applied kinesiology*, which has no scientific basis. We are not tapping on some mythical “energy system”. We are tapping on that area because it is richly innervated with connections to the “smart” vagus!

The Amygdala Region of the Brain

The amygdala region of the brain “lights up” when we have an emotional reaction

NeuroStim extinguishes unwanted conditioned responses by deliberately triggering the response, simultaneously applying another strong stimulus over the top of it.


65

*Kinesiology is the study of human movement, and its goal is to discover strategies for human health and performance. As such it is quite a vast field, and has sound scientific bases. Applied kinesiology, on the other hand, has little or no scientific basis, purports to work through the body’s “energy systems” and uses spurious techniques such as muscle testing to aid in diagnosis and treatment. Double-blind, randomised, controlled studies consistently show muscle-testing to produce results no better than chance. While I have great respect for the science of kinesiology, I would never endorse what is known as applied kinesiology.


66

The Three Aspects of NeuroStim 1 Trigger the unwanted emotional response 2 Confuse that response by simultaneously applying a strong sensory stimulus. This aspect

also has 2 sub aspects

•••• Physical stimulus (eg, tapping on an arm)

•••• Mental stimulus (eg, saying something which does not match the problem state) 3 Stimulate the smart vagus Aspect 1 - Triggering the Unwanted Emotional Response This part is easy, because you already know the type of thoughts or situations that cause you fear, doubt or upset, so you can make use of your own language to very specifically trigger that emotion. What you say might sound very negative because you are describing the problem exactly as it is, warts and all. You are not trying to pretty it up or sanitise it, or rationalise it. You do not talk about it as if you wanted to impress someone with your command of the language. This is a down and dirty honest description, using the words which trigger you into the unwanted feeling or belief. If the words don’t trigger the negative feeling, they are the wrong words! Think of it this way. In order to eliminate a response, you first have to activate it. You can only “mess it up” if it is “running”. For example I was once working with a woman who had a fear of spiders and she wanted to eliminate that extreme fear. Her statement was “I have this fear of spiders”. That didn’t work because it didn’t trigger the fear. It was bland! When she said “I’m scared shitless of spiders!” that triggered the fear really well! The secret of getting this right is to be aware of what you’re saying inside your own head when you have those feelings. For example, when it comes to cold calling you might have these thoughts: I hate cold calling. It’s a waste of time. They’ll only say no. They’ll think I’m a waste of time. I’m useless. I’m no good at this. There’s got to be an easier way. It’s too hard. I wish I didn’t have to make these calls. Why do I have to make these damn calls?


67

Why can’t someone else do it? Etc, etc (you might even swear or curse!) Notice that this is the opposite of positive thinking. We are definitely not trying to distract ourselves or talk ourselves out of anything. Once upon a time that was the best we could do, but now we can actually resolve these feelings permanently, why would we want to kid ourselves? Aspect 2 – Apply Mental Stimulus by Adding an Opposing Thought This is where we say something that does not match the problem state. To do this part you add to the statement you’ve already made, with a paradoxical ending. This will be a statement that has a very different feeling to it than the problem feeling. (The trigger statement and the opposing thought, said in one sentence, helps to “mess up” the problem feeling. The problem feeling is not real, but exists merely as a conditioned response in the form of an internal state.) For example: At the same time I choose to be a winner. At the same time chocolate is an important food group. At the same time I know deep down I deserve so much better in life. At the same time I know deep down he was only a kid and had no idea what he was doing. And I’m ready to let it go. And I choose to let it go. And I’ve made up my mind I won’t tolerate that anymore. So I give myself permission to get over it. So I choose to go shopping. But I choose to be as loose as a goose. But I choose to make better choices now and in the future. I deeply and profoundly accept myself as I am. I can’t wait to see that new movie. Use your imagination – humour is very effective as a pattern interrupt. A woman who was scared of public speaking: “Even though my legs are jelly, how come they look like pork chops?” (Worked for her, might not work for you!) A little boy who was destructive and noisy in the morning before his parents were awake “Even though I’m a naughty boy (his words), I know I can be as quiet as a mouse.” (And our hands went up on our heads like ears when we said the word “mouse”.) An overweight man who was very distressed at the thought of being in bathers at the beach, and yet who loved the beach: “Even though I feel like a beached whale, I choose to Free Willy!” A distressed and disempowered woman who had been harassed and maltreated by her mother-in-law: “Even though she wouldn’t love me, I am the daughter-in-law from hell.”


68

Aspect 2 – Applying Physical Stimulus by Tapping on the Body This part is so simple even a monkey could learn to do it! Simply cross your arms over your chest with your fingertips resting approximately on opposite biceps. So your left fingertips are resting on your right bicep and right fingertips on your left bicep. Some people feel a little unco-ordinated even getting into this position and that should be a hint that already it is having a nice “confusion” effect. Now, begin to tap with your fingertips, alternately. That means that you’re setting up a sort of light, percussive beat, with each hand in turn: left, right, left, right, left, right, quite rapidly. Note: Any sensory stimulus which supplies “enough” stimulus will work as well as tapping. Some examples are:

•••• Tracking confusing, varying or conflicting images

•••• Different auditory inputs for left and right ear

•••• Left hand holding something warm, right hand holding something cold (or vice versa!)

•••• Tracing figure 8’s with hand

•••• Tracing figure 8’s with tongue inside lips

•••• Patting head and rubbing stomach

•••• Tapping, rubbing, pinching, tweaking, tickling, anywhere on the body

•••• Proprioceptive stimuli created by movement The variety of multi-sensory stimulation is possibly infinite. Aspect 3 – Stimulating the smart vagus Tap continuously on the top third of the sternum (the bone that runs down the centre of your chest – the breast bone) while thinking about the problem you’re treating. As you do this, breathe in strongly through your nose, and then powerfully exhale through the mouth. Before You Start: Remember to “Rate” Your Unresourceful Feeling Before You Run the Technique on it Before you start, take time to “rate” the severity of this particular fear or doubt that you’re going to work on. How severe or intense is this feeling, out of ten, with ten representing the maximum distress you could imagine, and zero representing total ease. It’s important to do this because, believe me, once you’ve succeeded in eliminating this type of feeling, it will be difficult to imagine ever having had it. As an example, let me tell you about a woman I once treated for fear of dogs. Her phobia was so severe that she was actually a danger to herself. If she walked down her own street dogs would behave aggressively towards her because of the fear. The treatment worked very well, and several months later I ran into her


69

socially and she told me she had bought a dog and was walking it every day, even taking it to dog training classes. I remarked that I was really pleased the treatment worked for her, and she replied that it hadn’t worked for her at all, “it’s that I just changed my mind”. She couldn’t rationalise having dumped a lifelong fear so quickly and so had to come up with something more acceptable: the fact that she must have changed her mind about dogs. So by “rating” your problem before you start work, you avoid kidding yourself over whether or not this is working for you, and you have a far more accurate idea of your progress in getting free of the mental rubbish that has held you back for so long. Bringing it all Together and Running the NeuroStim Technique to Eliminate Your Unwanted Emotional Response This part is easy as well. Make a list of every thought or sensation you have around the “problem” that you wish to eliminate. This will be the routine thoughts that you think or say when you experience this problem, beliefs about the problem, and even metaphorical representations of the problem. Rate each of these items for “intensity” or “accuracy” (out of 10) just the same as you did for the overall problem state. Sometimes just one sentence will “do the job” for you. For instance, I have often been able to help people with food addictions to eliminate those by just using the single sentence “I loooovvve chocolate but I wonder if I could have got a better park this morning” for example. Simply say the whole sentence (or all the sentences in the case of more than one) you’ve now constructed, over and over, while tapping away. Say it maybe 3-6 times and then stop and check your ratings again. Is it still 4, or 8, or whatever it was to start with? Or does it seem less important now? What number would you give it now? As you check through each of the sentences you constructed, you may find that some of them actually need to be modified now in order to “ring true”. New sentences may come to mind, and some of the existing sentences will have to be crossed out because they just no longer apply! Repeat the treatment process until all are at zero and the problem no longer exists. If You Didn’t Get a Result Most people, if they’ve chosen the words which accurately triggered the feeling, will get fairly rapid resolution/elimination of the problem feeling. Now when they think about making that call, asking for that appointment, negotiating that deal, they will feel completely relaxed and even keen to get on with it. Now that there is nothing stopping them, they are unstoppable!


70

Some people may not get this effect, particularly at first when they’re developing an awareness of what type of language is effective and what is not. You may have to play around with the words, particularly getting more and more specific rather than describing things in general terms. You may even be advised to get expert help if it turns out that it’s not really about asking for that appointment at all. It’s that when you were seven years old and you asked your father to play ball with you he made you feel stupid or inadequate. That kind of thing is of course too much to deal with on your own and I strongly encourage you to get expert help from a qualified therapist or counsellor who uses these types of rapid resolution methods (long-winded “talk” therapy is usually, but not always, a waste of time when working with automatic, conditioned responses). Finally keep in mind that not every technique works for everyone, every time. With so many other tools at your disposal, there’s plenty more you can do! Secondary Gain – Positive Intention This is a term used to describe the benefit/s which almost always accompany a problem. Someone suffering from a phobia may receive extra attention or care they would otherwise not get, someone who has an addiction may receive a feeling of safety or security, someone who has a compulsion may be placing controls on others and getting security or predictability in that way, someone who overeats may be avoiding starvation. There are as many good reasons for doing unhelpful things as there are people on the planet (any maybe more!). The vital thing is to respect the benefits or needs which are being fulfilled (the secondary gains) and make sure that you still get those benefits or needs met or exceeded as you move towards greater wellbeing. This is part of applying change in both a logical and an ecological way.

Focusing In order to better understand the nature of the problem, we may need to focus on and fully accept inner pictures, sounds and feelings that arise, seemingly without purpose, as we process. These provide great non-verbal clues to inform us in relation to the problem and its surrounding ecology. Sometimes things “come up” which may seem ugly, “bad”, unhelpful, or even revolting. Pushing away or rejecting parts of ourselves or our memories works against our better understanding of what is going on, as well as decreasing the potential for, or even the quality of, resolution. WARNING Do not use this or any technique with others unless you are a qualified counselor, therapist or psychologist. There are issues relating to ethics, duty of care, human development, psychology, and legislation of which you are unaware, and which may create great damage. If you are a suitably qualified person, ensure that you practice on yourself first before integrating this into your professional practice, and always do that under supervision or peer supervision.


71

There are important contra-indications for NeuroStim (and for any BMSA-type interventions) so that certain disorders should certainly not be treated by this method (see the book “Rapid Self-Help Techniques for a more detailed explanation of contra-indications). It may be exceedingly unsafe to use NeuroStim in cases of: Bipolar disorder Severe unipolar depression Psychosis Sociopathy SUMMARY Each of us is a product of our memories and learnings, with the majority of those being out of our conscious awareness. In other words the majority of "drivers" in our lives are unknown to us. Mostly the feelings that we feel, we have no idea where they originate, we have no idea they are at cause in our lives, and rather than "running our own bus", we are being driven by a driver unknown and to an unknown destination. All of us carry memories that are charged with negative emotion to some degree, and which are therefore still at cause in our lives. Part of the key to being able to "drive the bus" ourselves is awareness and elimination of the negative emotions attached to old memories, and which often get triggered by day-to-day events, or by people or situations that remind us of those times. By becoming more aware of these negatively charged emotions, and freeing ourselves from them, we gain greater clarity and freedom of choice. Exercise 26 Choose a minor negative memory which you feel you’d be happy to eliminate the negative charge from. Because this is the first time you are actually using this technique, it makes sense to try it out on something both simple and minor! Pick an incident which is isolated and contained (ie, a one-off event), which, if you were to vividly relive it in your imagination right now, you would feel “mild discomfort” about. Take some time away from everyone else to come up with as many thoughts as you can about this challenge. Say we were dealing with the theft of a favourite doll by an older brother, for example, you might have: That was my dolly He cut her hair all raggy He had no right It wasn’t fair I was glad he got into trouble I cried when Etc, etc


72

Take these back to the group, and help each other to discover whether there are any more that possibly trigger you in some way but which you didn’t think of. For example, someone might say “Was there anything else about the doll?” and that might make you realise that there is a whole other set of statements: I never got that one shoe back because he lost it He gave her a biro moustache and I could never get it out Note: Do take some obvious care here. Sometimes when discussing seemingly minor things from the past, feelings we had kept buried may emerge. This is not the time to “play therapist” with each other and instead the group should give sensible support and take a break so that the person can fully recover into a resourceful state. This is material for a qualified and skilled therapist, not a study group. Similarly your trainer is there to train, not to suddenly put on a therapist hat. (Usually your NLP trainer will not be a trained or qualified therapist in any case! It is extremely unhealthy, and unethical, to mix the roles of therapist and trainer. Certainly I’ve been caught out and had to do emergency therapy, but this is not something I welcome because it changes the dynamics of the group in an unhelpful way, turning trainer into “rescuer”.) When you think you’ve got a pretty comprehensive list, put a sentence ending on each one. You can use the same ending, or several different endings. For convenience, I generally use the same one. Rate how your emotional intensity about this event right now, out of 10 (10 out of 10 is the worst you can imagine ever feeling about it and 0 out of 10 means completely fine and no problem left at all). For this issue you should be 5 or lower. Also rate the intensity of each sentence you’ve constructed. Definitely do not use subject matter with higher emotional intensity than that at this stage because it is essential to build both competence and confidence before launching into more complex or challenging issues. Before you begin to treat this event with NeuroStim, get the group to calibrate you and get into really good rapport with you. Each person is going to pretend that he or she is you. And they’re all going to tap along with you, saying the same sentences as you, 3 times each. At the end of that bracket, everyone taps on their sternums while keeping the event in mind, breathing strongly in through the nose and then powerfully out through the mouth. Eye contact is also very good at this stage, because that type of social engagement also triggers the “smart” vagus, which is the intention of this maneuver. When you’re through, consider how you feel about that problem now. Is it the same, better? Guess a number out of 10. Also examine those sentences. Do any of them need to be amended? Deleted altogether? Can you think of new ones that are now obvious? Spend about 20 minutes repeating this process and see if you can totally eliminate the problem in that time. Maybe you can, maybe it will require more time. What happened to the rest of the group during this time? Debrief the experience.


73

Everyone takes a turn leading the tapping in this way. Exercise 27 Treat an actual physical pain or discomfort. Hint: In treating a physical pain, be very precise in the way you identify the location of the pain, and the type of pain. Make sure you’re using the actual language you are thinking in about the problem! If you don’t have any discomfort or even tightness, you may be very surprised at what happens if you decide to treat “this neck tightness” anyway. If you choose to do this, first get a benchmark for how far you can comfortably turn your head, and recheck when you’re finished. Most people find an obvious difference, and this is most likely caused by increased muscle relaxation. Exercise 28 Identify a negative belief about yourself or another that you would rather not have and treat that with the NeuroStim protocol as you did in both exercises above. Exercise 29 Identify goals which you have sought but have not yet been able to achieve, and treat these in the same way with the EFT protocol. Exercise 30 Decide upon a particular challenge/problem that you’re experiencing, eg: Public speaking anxiety Moderate anger or dislike towards someone or something A difficulty you are having with a particular task Feelings about something, like wealth, or success, for example Frustration relating to a person or situation Etc. Take some time away from everyone else to come up with as many thoughts as you can about this challenge. For public speaking, for example, you might have: I hate public speaking I always sweat like a pig I get that swarming feeling in my guts I hate it when they all look at me I feel like I haven’t got the right to stand there They think I’m a jerk


74

They think I’m a show-off There was that time in school They all laughed I felt sick Etc, etc, etc Take these back to the group, and help each other to discover whether there are any more that possibly trigger you in some way but which you didn’t think of. For example, someone might say “When do you first start getting nervous?” and that might make you realise that there is a whole other set of statements: Why has it got to be me I don’t know what to say Oh god, it’s my turn next I’m shaking, just thinking about getting up there tomorrow Etc, etc, etc. When you think you’ve got a pretty comprehensive list, put a sentence ending on each one. You can use the same ending, or several different endings. For convenience, I generally use the same one. Rate how you feel your overall problem right now, trying to get it as intense as possible, out of 10 (10 out of 10 is the worst you can imagine ever feeling about it and 0 out of 10 means completely fine and no problem left at all). Rate each of the sentences in the same way. Note: There is still a strict proviso that you may not proceed with any material which is complex or highly distressing. Anything of that nature is inappropriate for self treatment. As before, get the group to calibrate you and get into really good rapport with you. Complete the NeuroStim process as a group. When you’re through, consider how you feel about that problem now. Is it the same, better? Guess a number out of 10. Also examine those sentences. Do any of them need to be amended? Deleted altogether? Can you think of new ones that are now obvious? Spend about 20 minutes repeating this process and see if you can totally eliminate the problem in that time. Maybe you can, maybe it will require more time. What happened to the rest of the group during this time? Discuss and debrief the experience, and then everyone takes a turn leading the tapping in this way.

The Meta-Model The Meta-Model is a model of language which came from transformational grammar and the work of Korzybski and others. NLP developer Richard Bandler, in modelling genius therapist Virginia Satir, originally described the Meta-Model in his book "The Structure of Magic, Volume I".


75

Virginia Satir was successful in part because she recognised that human beings take language short-cuts in order to communicate the fullness of their experience. These short-cuts can be thought of as "surface structure", and the more fuller linguistic representation of experience as "deep structure". In order to represent our experience of the world in such a way that we can consciously cope with the amount of information (7 plus or minus 2 items or chunks of information), our brain engages in the processes of distortion, deletion and generalisation. Thus we can continue to function and to largely experience the world in terms of our own Map of the World. This is very useful because it makes the following possible for us: 1 We don't get overloaded with unnecessary information. 2 We are able to learn from events or situations such that we can generalise to similar events

or situations and predict outcomes (recognise patterns). 3 We can communicate small amounts of information which serve to represent a greater

reality. People who don't have these abilities are usually classified as disabled; eg those with autism, who are overwhelmed by the 2,000,000 bits of information coming at them each second, both internally generated and externally generated. They struggle to form values and beliefs because they do not experience consistency and recognise few patterns. So how can an understanding of the Meta-Model benefit us? � When we are able to recognise distortion, deletion, and generalisation, we automatically

understand that the world is much bigger than our conscious experience of it. � We gain the ability to achieve much greater specificity in our communications with others and

even with our own thoughts. � When we deliberately correct Meta-Model "violations" (distortions, deletions, and

generalisations) we expand our own and others Maps of the World (realities). Distortions 1 Mind Reading (claiming knowledge of someone's internal state).

Example: "You don't understand me." Possible response: "How do you know I don't understand you?"

2 Lost Performative (value judgement)

Example: "It's bad to fail." Possible response: "Who says it's bad?" "According to whom?"


76

"How do you know it's bad?"

3 Cause/Effect (claiming that a "self" is not at cause)

Example: "You make me upset." Possible response: "How does what I'm doing cause you to choose to feel upset?" "How, specifically?"

4 Complex Equivalence (claiming that two experiences are one and the same)

Example: "Your shouting means you don't like me." Possible response: "Have you ever shouted at someone you liked?" "How does my shouting mean I don't like you?"

5 Pre-suppositions (a statement which has to be taken for granted in order for a sentence to make sense)

Example: "If you knew how important this was, you wouldn't question my

request." Possible response: "How do you know I don't know?" "How am I questioning your request?"

Generalisations

1 Universal Quantifiers (claiming universality: all, every, never, etc)

Example: "He never gets it right!" Possible response: "Never?" "What would happen if he did?"

2 Modal Operators (Of necessity: should, shouldn't, must, mustn't, etc. Of possibility: can, can't, will, won't, etc)

Example: "I have to be the one to do it." Possible response: "What would happen if you didn't?" Example: "I can't take a day off." Possible response: "What would happen if you did?" "What prevents you?" Deletions 1 Nominalisations (verbs which have been turned into nouns)

Example: "Our communication leaves a lot to be desired." Possible response: "Who's communicating what to whom?"


77

"How would you like to communicate?"

2 Unspecified verbs (an incompletely described action)

Example: "I was thrown out." Possible response: "How, specifically, were you thrown out?"

3 Simple deletions (simple, lack of referential index, comparative deletion)

Example (Simple) "I am uncomfortable." Possible response: "About what?" Example (Lack of Referential Index) "They say it'll rain today." Possible response: "Who, specifically, says?" Example (Comparative Deletion) "He's better for the job." Possible response: "Better than whom?" "Compared to whom?"

Exercise 31 - Recognising Meta-Model Violations and responding appropriately. Identify the specific Meta-Model Violations in the following sentences and determine an appropriate response. Remember that a single statement can easily contain more than one type of Meta-Model Violation. 1 They all hate me!

Pattern: _________________________________________________ Response: _________________________________________________

2 She made me so mad I had to fire her.


3 You just don't listen.



78

4 A dog is best.


5 If she didn't like me she wouldn't have smiled like that.


6 It's good to have lots of trust and communication in a relationship.


7 I know you agree that this is a much better place to be.


Exercise 32 - Meta-Model Violations in business Each person makes a list of at least 5 common claims or statements which he she has made or heard made in a work situation. Take turns reading out a statement from your list while the others verbally identify Meta-Model Violations (ie name the type of violation) and then respond (ie say the appropriate question out loud). Cheat wildly by looking back whenever you wish! Exercise 33 - Flash Cards This is the fastest way I know to “get” the Meta Model. Make up a set of flash cards, with each card having the name of a Meta Model violation (eg, “presupposition”) Take turns responding to the flash cards by quickly constructing statements using the particular Meta-Model Violation referred to (cheat as often as you need to by looking back in your manual!). Once you’ve said the statement, you’re partner will repeat the name of the violation, and offer a meta model question. Eg Your partner holds up a card that says “mind reading”. You say “I know you want to make me a cup of coffee.” Your partner says “mind reading”, followed by “Specifically how do you know that I would want to make you a cup of coffee?”


79

Once you’ve been through all the cards, swap roles. Introduction to Sleight of Mouth Sleight of Mouth is possibly the most fun set of NLP techniques to learn. In this module, we are just beginning to get a taste of what sleight of mouth is all about by playing with verb tenses in response to other's communication. (This is like using time line techniques without the time line!) In fact Dr Connirae Andreas, who is well-known in the NLP world for her contribution to this important area, refers to verb "tenses" and verb "relaxes", because of the effect of loosening rigid beliefs when various past tenses are substituted for various present tenses. For example, check your internal representation to these (close your eyes and experience the different way you perceive each one as someone reads them aloud): I am dancing. I dance. I danced. I have danced. I have been dancing. I had danced. I had been dancing. I have a problem. I am having a problem. I had had that problem. Example of Utilising Verb Tense to "Backtrack" (put a problem in the past instead of the present) Statement of limitation: "I just cannot understand this new approach." Interventions: "So you just didn't understand the new approach, did

you?" "So you hadn't understood the new approach, hadn't you." "So you had had a problem with that, hadn't you?"

Make these statements to one another and track your internal representation in response to the various interventions. Experiment with the "tag questions" on the end of the interventions. What difference do they make? Exercise 34 - A states a limitation, and B "backtracks" in a way that moves the limit out of the present or makes it more temporary. Do not attempt to apply logic to A’s limitation, or to debate with A. A is not allowed to respond verbally to B’s “backtrack”.


80


Module 4: Well-formedness, Strategies, Modelling, Beyond Design Human Engineering In this block we revisit well-formedness conditions in order to further refine or fine-tune our outcomes for this course. We look at strategies as a methods or "recipes" to achieving those outcomes (goals), and we look at modelling as providing proven strategies for achieving excellence in any field of endeavour. Lastly we briefly look at what the relatively new field of Design Human Engineering ™ seems to offer in terms of realisation of outcomes, and experiment with Silvia Hartmann-Kent's brilliant "Project Sanctuary" as just one way of getting "beyond DHE". Assessment Criteria for this Module 1 Facility in revisiting original outcomes to further refine them or add to them, using well-

formedness conditions. 2 Understanding of the TOTE model. 3 Elicitation, utilisation and installation of strategies for the achievement of outcomes,

including micro-strategies for portions of such outcomes. 4 Ability to use state management as a tool for directing the mind towards goals. 5 Ability to develop metaphor as a tool for unconscious achievement of goals.

Well-formedness Conditions We know that when we are assessing a goal for its "well-formedness" we are attempting to achieve both realism and ecology. We are doing our best to ensure that the goal is indeed not only achievable by us, but that the goal truly is desirable by us. We are unlikely to be able to achieve or maintain a goal which infringes upon the servo-mechanisms of our unconscious mind by being out of alignment with our own guiding principles or values. The application of well-formedness conditions involves the following:


81

1 State your goal in the positive (not the absence of a negative), and ensure you are talking about a physical goal, not an internal state or emotion.

2 Put the goal in context. How, where, when and why do I want this? Do not say “in six

months’ time”. Instead nominate the date “30 April 2002”. 3 Sensory specific. Can you describe the achievement of the goal in all representational

systems? What representational systems of others would inform them that you had achieved this goal?

4 Goal must be self-fulfilled - not rely on others contributions, and not subject to events

outside your control. What resources do you need (people, things, information) in order to acquire this goal?

5 Honestly evaluate the effects of achieving the goal. What will having the goal get for me?

What will having the goal lose for me? What will not having the goal get for me? What will not having the goal lose for me? What will this goal cost me?

6 Is the goal in alignment with other goals, with my values and guiding principles? Exercise 35 - Re-assess all your outcomes for this course in terms of well-formedness conditions. Make sure you have some outcomes which you would expect to achieve during or immediately on completion of the course, and some outcomes which are further out in the future. Discuss as a group whether or not these desired outcomes still meet well-formedness conditions. We’ve added a 7th condition for well-formedness! Ask yourself whether you believe you can achieve each of your goals easily, safely and enjoyably. As you ask yourself this question, take special care to be aware of your physiological response. While you consciously may believe in the ease of achieving the goal, your unconscious mind may be coming up with all sorts of evidence for difficulty. If you get a low, ‘flat’ or other negative feeling in response to this question, follow the steps in the next exercise. Exercise 35A – Making Goals Easy You can use the collapse anchors technique to ensure your unconscious mind interprets the goal as one that can be achieved easily, safely and enjoyably. 1. On your left knee, install an anchor for ‘achieving this goal’. (One woman who did this

exercise used the thought of fitting into size 12 jeans ‘straight off the rack’.) Really get into the feeling of achieving the goal and intensify that feeling until you are coming into a peak state. Quickly anchor this on your left knee and then break state by opening your eyes and concentrating on something neutral. Repeat this exact process twice more.


82

2. From a neutral state, test this anchor to ensure that it results in the same physiological response.

3. Now think of at least three instances where you achieved a goal with such ease that it

seemed to happen by itself. If you haven’t got these exact memories, don’t worry—just nominate memories something like this.

Are these memories powerful for you? Do they ‘feel’ really great to you when you relive

them? If so, you can use them as is. If not, take some time now to ‘ramp them up’ by making a movie of how you would have liked things to happen and tell your unconscious mind to use that memory as if it really happened.

4. For each of these memories, install an anchor on your right knee (all in the same location).

For each memory, really get into the feeling of ‘achieving this goal with amazing ease’ and intensify this feeling until you are coming into a peak state. Quickly anchor this on your right knee, break state as before and then repeat this exact process twice more.

You now have a ‘super-anchor’ where three powerful examples of achievement are stacked together.

5. As before, from a neutral state, test this anchor to make sure you’ve set it successfully. 6. Now think of your new goal, firing the ‘achieving this goal’ anchor as you do so. Then two

seconds later fire the ‘achieving this goal with amazing ease’ anchor, saying to yourself as you do so ‘And put that over the top of it’. As you feel that familiar sense of confusion or ‘spaciness’ say to yourself ‘That’s right’ and release the ‘achieving this goal’ anchor first, followed two seconds later by the ‘achieving this goal with amazing ease’ anchor and then quickly break state. Repeat this exact process twice more.

You have just told your unconscious mind exactly what sort of ease you want to experience in achieving your new goal! Using the Resource Triangle to Get Your Goal When you first learned the Resource Triangle I stressed two important things about the selection of resource states which you would use to eliminate the problem state:

• Make sure you could get into them intensely

• Make sure they are very different from the problem state The reason they needed to be different was that if we made them in any way similar they would serve to enhance the problem state instead of eliminating it!


83

So what if we have a state we would like to enhance, like a “goal state” for instance? Yes, now, in working with a goal state for the “S” of the Resource Triangle, we deliberately use states that are similar to or complement the goal state. In order to trigger those states, you might like to use scenarios like these:

• Something you do so easily you don’t even have to think about it (like tooth brushing, for example)

• Something which you wanted in the past and you didn’t even have to try, it just turned up

• An incredibly exciting memory

• A time when you were literally unstoppable

• A time when you felt energised and impassioned

• A time when you felt total, all-encompassing commitment

• A time when you had great balance in your life

• A time when you felt happy and safe

• The thought of something which you have or were given which is “thoroughly deserved!”

• Something that represents “right here, right now!” Note: Be careful what you use to represent your “goal state”. When I was working on more success for my business, I envisaged lots of people. That’s exactly what I got, but it didn’t come with more financial success! Next I used a state which accompanied the thought of my cashbox overflowing from client receipts. Then it worked the way I wanted!

Strategies We use the term strategy to refer to the mental processing that occurs as we undertake goal-directed behaviour. We have strategies for every single behaviour we engage in, from getting up in the morning, to learning new information, to making decisions, to accessing memories, to performing a physical action, like walking, singing, playing sport. We can never be consciously aware of every single step in a strategy, but we can usually elicit enough information to be able to use it well to get a predictable result (utilise it) and then to make it our own or teach it to others (install it). A Successful Strategy for Getting out of Bed Here is an example of a strategy for getting out of bed on time in the morning: 1 I wake at 6.30 am and look at the clock (Ve) 2 Ask myself, businesslike internal voice "What day is it" (Ad) 3 Say to myself, command tonality "I'd better get out now" (Ad)


84

4 Get out of bed (K) Each part of this strategy has an even more detailed strategy, for example step 2: a) Visualise events of previous day to determine what day that was b) Visualise calender or diary with days of the week on it c) Say to myself, "Friday comes after Thursday, so this must be Friday, and Friday is a work

day" A Poor Strategy for Getting out of Bed (or …… An Excellent Strategy for Sleeping In!) 1 I wake at 6.30 am and look at the clock 2 Say to myself, soft and low internal voice "It's so warm and snug in here and so cold

outside" 3 Picture myself at my desk at work 4 Say to myself, soft and low internal voice "Just 5 more minutes" 5 Go back to sleep

The TOTE Model of Strategies TOTE (Test, Operate, Test, Exit) is a computing term used to describe a process leading to a predictable outcome. The above successful strategy for getting out of bed could be seen as: Test 1 (trigger) I need to get up in the morning Operate I run through the days of the week to conclude what time I need

to get up today. Test 2 Is today a working day? If it is, I will get up. If it is not, I will go

back to sleep. Result: it is a working day. Exit Get up If Test 2 resulted in "No, it is not a working day", then we would cycle back (loop back) to an earlier stage in the strategy, until finally our "test" reveals that it is now appropriate to get up. This strategy describes a self-regulating "cybernetic" system for producing a desired result. We can presume that if our system is optimal, and keeps operating, that given enough time we absolutely must acquire our goal. Most of our systems run unconsciously, but are probably accessible for modification anyway. What keeps the system operating? It is all very well to wish to acquire a goal, but where does the energy come from to keep running the system which is designed to produce that outcome? We believe it comes from the kinaesthetic representational system, and that is why, when speaking of Design Human


85

Engineering ™, the question most asked by Bandler is: "How much delight can you stand?" Rather than being a flippant or rhetorical question, it is absolutely essential to the achievement of any goal you can think of. Exercise 36 - Choose any one of your goals and express the process of achieving it in steps. Exercise 37 - Take each step of your strategy for goal achievement, and express that as a TOTE sequence. The "exit" of each TOTE sequence will be the "test" of the next. Successful Strategies All around us we notice people doing things with varying degrees of skill or effectiveness. If we are interested in building our own skill or effectiveness, we can go to the trouble of eliciting the strategy of someone who is particularly skilful. Let's look at spelling strategies. Someone who is a good speller will depend heavily on visual representation of the word. Their strategy may be: 1 Hear the word 2 See the word upper left position 3 Does this feel right? 4 Spell the word or cycle (loop) back to 2, seeing the word in another way Another (very simple) way of expressing this strategy would be: Ae VI K -/+ E People who do not have the “V” step, and who therefore attempt to spell phonetically, are almost always very poor spellers. Canny teachers use this knowledge to help children learn much, much more successfully. They can not only pick from the child’s eye movements that they are not following an effective strategy, but they have a method for installing the visual part of the strategy for them! We teach a whole range of important teaching skills like this in our school programs. In the following exercises, calibrate carefully because sensory cues will possibly be even more informative than the words used by your subject to describe his/her strategy. Exercise 38 - Who in your group has a good strategy for decision making? For memorisation? Elicit all the steps of their strategies, and then put them into notation as in the example above. Exercise 39 - Run through these strategies yourself. Do they work for you? Are they as complete as they need to be? Would they still work if some steps were omitted? What


86

internal states are necessary for these strategies to work well? What happens when you set anchors for heightened versions of these states and fire them during the strategy? Exercise 40 - Who in your group can admit to often having difficulty making a decision or memorising something. What is their strategy? How does this differ from the effective strategies? Exercise 41 - Who is the most productive and efficient member of the group. Elicit his/her detailed strategy for task completion. Is this strategy workable for you? Can it be made even more effective? 2 Other Ways to Elicit a Strategy Just Watch! In the following exercise we’re going to practice using strategy elicitation as a very powerful way to influence someone toward the decision we want them to make. We’re going to “sell” our service or product to our partner in such a way that they really do want to buy. Keep in mind as you do this exercise that it is highly unethical to use such skills for your own advantage. I not only deplore that use of NLP but I also know that it is stupid and counter-productive to seek to manipulate people in that way. Manipulators might think they’re smart, but in fact they are no match for the 2 million bits of information per second that their victim is processing with. They may consciously fool their victim this time, but they won’t keep fooling them, and they certainly won’t get referrals that will ensure continued sales success. So manipulating people is not only unethical, it is self-destructive! Exercise 42 – Part 1 A asks B to think of a time when he/she purchased this product/service (or similar) previously and asks a series of questions about that time. As before B doesn't answer, but just thinks about the answers internally while A observes the eye accessing cues and makes notes on the diagrams to show which way the eyes went. B considers the relative ease or difficulty in accessing the information required by A each time. A and B swap and repeat.


87

Here are the questions: What made you think that you needed this product/service? How did you arrive at that decision to buy? From when you first decided you needed it, to when you decided to buy, what went on in your head? Getting the Crucial Values Criteria It may be helpful to elicit a strategy conversationally and in that case there are three very important questions to ask, which can be repeated with variations to build up useful information: What matters to you (what's important to you?) What does that give you What does that mean to you People absolutely love being asked these questions because they’re meaningful for them. Merely having this type of conversation creates deep rapport. If you're seeking to persuade someone, then these questions are perfect for eliciting the strategies and the value criteria necessary to help them decide to "buy" your idea or your product. In the following exercise we experiment with exactly that. If you really want to ramp up this exercise, read through meta programs first (in the next module) and see how many meta programs you can identify and pace back! (It goes without saying that calibration and rapport are essential for these exercises – pace your partner thoroughly, including matching language predicates and idiosyncratic language patterns.)


88

Exercise 42 – Part 2 In pairs, conversationally elicit the "buying" strategy of your partner for the product/service/idea that you wish to promote, using only the above three questions. When you are satisfied that you have enough information (which will be when your partner starts repeating him/herself) feed this back to your partner conversationally and check whether you have succeeded in helping your partner feel very well disposed toward you and your product/service/idea. Also get feedback on your rapport skills!

Modelling Perhaps you can see that modelling, the copying of someone, is closely related to strategy elicitation and installation. Remember though that in order to replicate someone's behaviour or skill, you also need to replicate the internal states that generate the sequence, otherwise too much conscious attention will be required to run the strategy. Exercise 42 – Part 3 In pairs. Pick someone to "model" who has already achieved a behaviour goal which you have selected as one of your well-formed outcomes. You do not need to like everything about this person -- we are learning to model selectively! Your partner will help you through each of the following steps: 1 Step into the internal state of "relaxation" which you practised previously. Your partner

can help you achieve this state by entering that state him/herself and using appropriate verbal/non-verbal cues.

2 Imagine that you are observing your "model" engaging in the desired behaviour. Watch as

he/she repeats the behaviour over and over again. 3 Get into rapport with your model. 4 Step into your model's body and allow yourself to feel their physical movements and

internal state/s. Is this comfortable? Practise being your model, several times until it feels quite comfortable, quite automatic. Don't concern yourself with the detail, simply with "the big picture".

5 Take over your model until it is not him/her standing there, but you. Repeat the

movements until you feel very comfortable and the process occurs automatically. 6 Step aside from your body and observe yourself easily and naturally engaging in the

behaviour you have just practised so thoroughly.


89

Exercise 43 - With help from your partner, notate the strategy for performing the above behaviour at an excellent standard. Can the strategy be improved even beyond that currently exhibited by your model? Practise the strategy with the improvement.

Beyond Design Human Engineering™ DHE™ was originally developed by Richard Bandler as a quantum leap up from NLP. Unlike NLP, there is very little information available on DHE and even if you can get to do a course in it, you may still not have a clear idea in your mind about what it is. The core question in DHE ™ is: "How much pleasure can you stand?" and the core technique of DHE™ has to do with mapping out submodality structures and using those to "ramp up" or amplify various internal states so that our states drive us effortlessly and irresistibly toward a more pleasurable, more joyful, more productive life. For instance, if we have a particular goal, one way to create an irresistible "driver" is to anchor the most unpleasant internal states to the absence of the goal, and the most intensely pleasurable internal states to the having of the goal. Another, infamous, aspect of DHE™ is its combination of visualisation and submodalities to build machine metaphors for automating various life tasks, including measuring and feedback mechanisms. Lately it has been reported that Richard Bandler has been moving away from his original format of DHE™, which apparently he is beginning to view as limited by NLP tools and language, to develop a more "organic" form which enables access to more unconscious internal resources. Metaphor appears to be the key. A particular piece of work known as Project Sanctuary, developed by NLP practitioner Silvia Hartmann-Kent, based on earlier metaphor work by others, appears to very much in alignment with what Richard Bandler is now beginning to work with. We feel quite thrilled to be able to bring you this new work which we feel will change the face of DHE™.

Project Sanctuary Question: "What if we had access to Mechano, Construx, bricks and mortar, metals, nanotechnology? What if we could take the IDEA of 'what else could there be?' and apply that to the models of experience themselves? What if we could just put aside the NLP descriptors for just a while, and begin to wonder how else we can describe experience, in ways that help us build some really useful and cool new ways to live and dance and sing? "


90

Answer: "Well, one way to do it would be to let the lego, mechano, and resources that you can't consciously think of, loose to play amongst themselves, to breed, hybridize, mutate, and go generally apeshit. Then regularly check in on the whole evolving ecosystem to prune, harvest, or just enjoy. In other words create an extensible, generative environment. That's the nearest I can get to a conscious, metaphorical understanding of what goes on in Project Sanctuary, and what makes it unique."

The above quotation picked up from the internet 28/08/00

The metaphors we construct in our minds, whether through dreaming or whether through conscious effort, cannot come from nowhere. They all come from us and therefore they are associated with some part of us -- they have meaning. The main premise of Project Sanctuary is that just as by altering submodalities we alter the meaning of experience, when we alter our metaphors we alter experience itself. This is a bold statement, but one that is borne out experientially by Silvia Hartmann-Kent and the handful of people around the world who are beginning to experience the power of this work. Try this exercise: Exercise 44 - In pairs. Your partner will help you to relax very deeply. Imagine that you have created a whole planet and everything on it. Every natural and man-made structure, every animal, every object, every atom, is your creation and represents something in you. There is a goal which you desire which you do not yet have. Somewhere on your planet is an object which represents that goal. It may be a tree, a church, an animal, a town, or something quite different. It probably does not logically relate to your goal in any way, shape or form. Fly over your planet now, observing the landscape below, until you feel drawn to a particular place where you can "come down to earth". There you will find a particular object which draws you attention. (Your partner may need to do this exercise auditorially or kinaesthetically. Not everyone visualizes easily or can even pretend to visualize!) What is this object? Is it perfect as far as you are concerned? What does it need? Alter or modify this object until you are completely satisfied with its appearance/function. Remember that here in Metaphorland, you have access to every resource imaginable: skilled craftspeople, scientific experts, artists, wise men/women, whoever you might like to call on for assistance. Your partner's job is to record your process as you locate and work with your goal symbol, and to gently ease your way back to us here, in this room.


91

What did you learn? Note: Do not analyse this exercise at this stage. Merely note in your journal which goal you used for the exercise, with a diary note to check its progress when you meet to study the next module. At that stage, without risk of interfering with important unconscious processing, you can analyse and evaluate to your heart’s content!


92


Module 5: Metaphor, Advanced Meta-Model, Logical Levels, Meta-Programs, Milton Model, Sleight of Mouth We have already experienced the power of metaphor when we studied goal achievement through the exploration of our own internal metaphors. Now we examine how we use metaphor in day to day language and experience what happens in our lives when we deliberately modify or change those metaphors. We quickly re-visit the Meta-Model first studied in Module 3 by gaining experience in applying the Meta-Model to more challenging real life situations and, more importantly, to our own self-talk. We’ve had some exposure to Logical Levels in our work on identifying and matching chunk size. Now we look at a more formal structure of Logical Levels of organisation and experience how knowledge of this “hierarchy” may be utilised to reach goals or solve problems with considerable ease. Meta-Programs are the content-free processes by which we act upon the world. The Milton Model can be thought of as the inverse of the Meta-Model, the art of speaking vaguely! We make use of the Milton Model to induce trance and also learn that in combination with exquisite rapport and state management skills, the Milton Model becomes even more effective. Sleight of Mouth is a term which refers to various language patterns which we use to influence ourselves and others away from problem states and toward solutions. Assessment Criteria for this Unit What will you need to be able to demonstrate to show that you’ve developed sufficient skills in these areas? 1 Identify metaphors in common usage and experience the result of using

alternative metaphors. 2 Demonstrate the ability to identify Meta-Model violations in day-to-day business

communication.


93

3 Demonstrate the ability to recognise and produce the hypnotic language of the Milton

Model. 4 Demonstrate the ability to induce trance by using rapport and state management skills in

combination with the Milton Model. 5 Demonstrate particular Sleight of Mouth patterns: embedded commands, reframing. 6 Demonstrate ability to use logical levels as a goal building tool. 7 Demonstrate ability to operate congruently out of several opposing Meta-Programs.

Metaphor Life’s a hard road. Bill’s steel-trap mind helps him perform in his job. If we’re to win this contract we’ve got to realise we’re in the race of our life! On the corporate battlefield, there are many fatalities. This problem is gnawing at me. (Fingers clenching at gut.) Metaphors (and similes and analogies) attribute rich meaning to things, people and places and are a good way to get meaning across in a very few words. Metaphors “tell stories”. Metaphors also limit or define meaning and prevent us from looking at the object of the metaphor in innovative ways! For instance the question “What is the process of solving a problem like for you?” might bring answers such as: It’s like teasing out the knots from a tangled ball of wool. It’s like being lost in a maze and trying out all possible exits. It’s like gardening: you look over your garden, see what you want to keep and what you want to remove, decide the best way to do it. It’s like going into battle: size up the enemy, set your strategy, weigh in! Etc, etc. What is it like for you? If it’s teasing out a ball of wool, you might be inclined to spend more time examining it, looking for the way in. You might be quite patient about the detail and the timing. Your attention might be very tightly focussed on the problem in a rather dreamy way.


94

If it’s like going into battle, you might feel a sense of urgency. You might imbue the problem with a sense of it being your enemy and therefore not conducive to being beaten! You might rush in violently for the big “victory” at the end. Our metaphors drive our attitudes and approaches to life! (Do metaphors really “drive”? ☺) So we need to be aware of our metaphors and understand that whilst they are helpful communication tools, they may also limit us. The next time you find yourself (or another) using a metaphor to describe a problem, ask yourself “What other metaphor could apply here?” Exercise 45 – Expanding a “Map of the World” through using metaphor. A co-worker you supervise has a problem with another staff member and asks for an appointment with you to discuss the problem. He says: “He gets me so angry with his constant attacks that I just have to put my shield up, batten down the hatches, dive into the trenches, just to stay sane!” What metaphors are in use? Are they useful? Together, write up a script which may help your co-worker to identify the limits of his metaphor, and offer 2 other metaphors which may expand his “map of the world” in this instance. Remember to create rapport by pacing your co-worker’s language etc. Make sure your script flows well, with language that helps to bridge from one metaphor to another. Discuss the relative merits of each script developed. Exercise 46 – Generating insights with metaphors In groups, each person takes turns to be A. A takes 5 minutes to explain to the group a current difficulty at/with work. The rest of the group listens carefully to the story and allows the details to trigger some memory of a story, film or anecdote that seems to mirror the problem described. For the best results, make your story far-fetched, way-out, surprising! Having listened in turn to the stories, A chooses one to work with, and the group plays with the story, milking it for all it's worth. Do not on any account draw correlations between the story and the original difficulty! (By “milking it for all it’s worth”, I mean asking questions to further elaborate the story, or explain the story, or challenge the story, or play with or experiment with the story.) When the "play-time" comes to an end (because the questions have dried up or the laughter has stopped, or you just feel “tired of it”), A takes a moment to re-examine his/her reported difficulty and comments how he/she feels now about the difficulty and any possible solutions.


95

Exercise 47 – Write down the main statements relating to the previous problem you described to your group. Share these with the group, who then identifies the Meta-Model violations and challenges the violation (do not answer the challenges!) Look back to the section on Meta-Model and cheat as much as you like! The faster and better you cheat with this, the more masterful you’ll become with the Meta-Model!

A Metaphor that Shocked the World! - GaugeWork GaugeWork was developed by brilliant NLP Master Practitioner Astra Johnston, one of our graduates. In GaugeWork, we use a metaphor of a gauge to represent an issue/challenge/problem which we wish to resolve. You need to imagine a gauge that runs from 0 to 100%. Everyone has a different idea about how this gauge should look. Some people immediately imagine a line that runs from left to right, with ‘0%’ on the left and ‘100%’ on the right, and some sort of ‘slider’ that moves along the line to show the ‘measure’. Other people imagine something that looks more like an old-style car odometer, a digital readout, a jug with levels marked on the side or even a thermometer. Children who have used this concept have been particularly creative. One boy used a visualisation of a boat race. The start line was the 0% mark and the finish line was the 100% mark. When his boat (indicating the percentage measure) reached the finish line, balloons and streamers would shoot up into the sky! Once you’ve decided on the appearance of your gauge, you need to give the gauge a name that represents the resolution of a problem, then ‘look’ to see whereabouts on the gauge the needle, slider, marker or level is sitting. For instance, if you would like to get more pleasure out of eating salads, you might call it the ‘I love eating salads’ gauge. Now, if you think salads are rabbit food, you will probably notice that your gauge is sitting at perhaps only 10%. Interestingly, when you direct your unconscious mind to ‘set that gauge on 100%’ and imagine moving the slider along, pouring liquid into the jug or whatever, you not only notice that it is very easy to imagine, but you also notice a very rapid change in your attitudes and behaviours! It’s not necessary to give your gauge a positive-sounding name. For instance, you could have a gauge called ‘No desire whatsoever for junk food’. In fact, as you gain more experience with using gauges, you will find it quite essential to include ‘absence of negative’ gauges in order to deal thoroughly with a particular problem. Most people are highly surprised that the gauge ‘works’. It really does seem to ‘cooperate’ with the task at hand—and why not when the subconscious operates in the language of metaphors? You are literally ‘talking the right language’ when you use metaphors to communicate with your subconscious.


96

If you are thinking ‘This won’t work for me because I don’t see pictures’, or if you don’t like to make mental pictures or find it too challenging, you can use your hands as the gauge instead. Simply put your hands out in front of you, palms facing one another with perhaps an 800 cm gap in between, and nominate one hand to represent 0% and the other to represent 100%. You can then move the hand that represents 0% towards the hand that represents 100% instead of moving a marker. The GaugeWork process is as follows: 1. Decide on a problem you want to deal with. 2. Imagine a gauge (whatever type of gauge suits you best). 3. Give the gauge a name that represents the resolution of the problem you wish to deal

with. 4. Check where the ‘level’ of the gauge is. Don’t debate with yourself, just forget the name

you’ve given the gauge and merely focus on the gauge itself. If you’re using your hands as a gauge, move the hand that represents 0% towards the hand that represents 100% and see where it starts to feel awkward or less smooth. This is your starting level.

5. Now talk to your unconscious mind by commanding it to set this gauge on 100%: ‘Unconscious mind, set that gauge on 100%!’

6. In your imagination, move the gauge level to 100%. If you’re using your hands as a gauge, move the hand that represents 0% towards the hand that represents 100%. When your hands touch, that represents 100%.

Sometimes the gauge seems to ‘stick’, meaning that it seems to become stuck at a point below 100%, or that even though it gets to 100%, it keeps coming back. This problem is addressed below. Exercise Sit in a comfortable chair and allow yourself time to move into a relaxed and peaceful state. Imagine a mental gauge that runs from 0 to 100%. Let’s name this gauge ‘My perfect healthy weight is X kg’ (fill in the weight). Now let’s see how true this is for you, between 0 and 100%. Where on this gauge does the level or needle sit? If you are using your hands, how far along can you comfortably move one hand towards the other? Most likely your gauge will fall short of the 100% mark. In such a case, simply say to your unconscious mind in a commanding tone of voice ‘Set that on 100% and I mean it!’ and observe what happens next. For some people, the gauge will go up and stay up. For others, it will go up and slide back somewhat. If this happens, simply repeat the process regularly until one day you check your gauge and find that it stays up at 100% all by itself.


97

If the Gauge ‘Sticks’ It’s not unusual for some gauges to seem to ‘stick’. Your slider, gauge needle or level (or however you imagine your gauge) might seem to refuse to move to the 100% mark, or it might go to the 100% mark and then slip back. Here are some things you can experiment with in order to get your gauge to move to the 100% mark and stay there! 1. ‘Treat’ the gauge with your BSFF command word (which you’ll learn about shortly). To do

this, as you notice the gauge appear to stick, or as you get a feeling that it’s difficult to move, simply direct your unconscious mind to unblock whatever the problem is by treating it with your BSFF command word. With your attention on the gauge level, and for the moment forgetting all about the name of the gauge, simply say ‘Unconscious mind, treat that [command word]’. Remember to use command tonality! Often, this is enough to get the gauge moving smoothly along to the 100% mark.

2. Investigate the gauge more closely. What is stopping the needle from moving? Is there

some obstruction? A mechanical problem? Remember that in metaphorland you can call in any resources you wish to get your gauge working. You can take an orbital grinder to it to smooth it off, pour oil or anti-rust on it, and bring in cranes or a whole engineering team—whatever you need to make it work. One of my workshop participants reported that her gauge looked like a door runner and that it had grains of sand in it that were preventing the slider from moving along. I asked her what could help and she brought in an imaginary vacuum cleaner. That did the job beautifully!

3. Is there a negative thought that applies to the gauge—for example, ‘It’s too hard’, ‘It’s not

safe’ or ‘It might work for others but not for me’? In this case, a further gauge or two is called for. You might like to try gauges with these titles:

No reason whatsoever to be hard. Incredibly easy. No reason whatsoever to be unsafe. Absolutely safe. No reason not to work perfectly for me. Works perfectly easy for me.

Notice that I’ve used gauge names that firstly eliminate the negative thought and secondly affirm the positive thought. I call this ‘approaching the issue from two directions’. When you return to the original gauge, you’ll find it works easily and naturally without a hitch.

Using Gauges for Other Issues The things that gauges can be used to treat are limited only by your imagination. For example, one of my clients had a severe snake phobia that he had had since he was scared by a snake when he was eight years old. Now, as an elderly man living in the suburbs, he never went into his own backyard at night for fear a snake might be there.


98

I constructed one simple gauge for him, ‘I love snakes’, and worked this in the session until it stayed on 100%. The next week, when he arrived for his second session, I asked how his snake phobia was. He looked quite surprised as he realised that he had completely forgotten about it and had been out in his backyard five times at night in that one week. Are you angry with someone? Try a gauge for ‘No anger at X whatsoever’ and see what happens. Would you like more calm, more happiness? Gauge for them! Here is a way to use GaugeWork to enjoy more rewarding relationships with just about everyone you know. Building 100% Healthy Relationships It is very rare that we have a totally authentic, healthy, and unconditionally loving relationship with anyone or anything. Every single relationship we have is coloured by past experience. We may think we relate to our partner as just our partner, but in fact our emotional response depends very much on the stimulus-response bonds set up all through our lives. It is not an exaggeration to say that almost every emotional response we have is a patterned, learned response based on past events - not a clean response based solely on the evidence that now presents to us. This means that we are not relating with clarity. It also means that we are prisoners of our own unwanted emotional reactions. Now consider this: We do not need to have emotional pain in order to determine whether or not we will tolerate others actions towards us. We do not need to have emotional pain to help us determine right from wrong. We do not need to feel guilt or shame when we determine that the assistance we've been asked to give another is totally inappropriate. We do not need to react with anger when someone "disappoints" us. All of these emotions, and others like them, serve only to limit us and interfere with our clarity of thought and our ability to make helpful, healthy choices about what is best for us and best for others. Let's ditch those limiting emotional responses right now. Boundary work, using BSFF, is the fastest way I know of to eliminate these automatic, negative emotional responses to people, things, and situations. So What's a Healthy Boundary? When we have a healthy boundary between ourselves and another, we no longer have knee-jerk emotional responses to that person and instead are free to choose our responses from a much greater range of options. Such a boundary means that we can love another unconditionally and relate to them with total clarity, regardless of their actions or inactions.


99

This does not mean that we must keep that person in our lives, because it is not necessary to have someone physically in our lives in order to love them. Some people are better loved from a distance! When we’re no longer capable of kneejerk reaction to someone, we say we are “at 100% boundaries” with that person. As an example of boundary work I have an example from my own life. Some time ago I realised I was feeling angry with and stressed about my teenage daughter (perhaps one or two parents may have had this rare experience! ☺) Recognising that I was not "at choice" over my feelings, I decided to treat my boundaries with my daughter. The consequence of this was that I no longer felt anger towards her, no matter what she did, but this didn't really become fully conscious to me until I had an experience that made it glaringly obvious that I had changed. The illuminating situation in question was a time when once again her room had become the usual teenage pigsty and I was once again laying down the ground-rules for her room and directing her to clean it up. During my monologue I realised she wasn't actually taking much notice of me, and it was at that moment that I realised I truly didn't have any anger or stress. I clearly saw she wasn't paying much attention, deliberately made a decision to put anger/severity into my voice, and proceeded with my lecture. When I had finished, there was no residual anger, nor was there any residual negative feeling at all. My daughter gave me a smile and a hug and went to clean her room. I assure you that had not been the usual outcome of my lectures!

So what happened there? Firstly there was no real anger at all, and secondly I was coming from a position of clarity and unconditional love. Apart from that, the mechanics of the interaction are conjecture only - twenty people would have twenty different explanations. And does it matter? We demonstrate over and over again that healthy boundaries create healthy relationships, and that does matter. Treating Boundaries Simply construct your gauge and give it a name like “100% Boundaries with X (name)”. It may be that you can direct your unconscious mind to set that on 100% and that’s that! It may be that the gauge “sticks” and you need to deal with that. It could be that you become aware of other emotions or beliefs that have to be dealt with first. As an exercise, each person in the group should choose an acquaintance or family member whom they consider to be “difficult” (do not attempt to deal with highly distressing relationships!). Use GaugeWork to achieve 100% healthy boundaries with this person. Report back to the group when next you meet!


100

Logical Levels Logical levels refers to the model of “neurological levels” originated by anthropologist Gregory Bateson and developed by Robert Dilts. These are

Spirituality/Purpose Often a symbol or metaphorical representation of a higher ideal.

Identity Who am I? Beliefs & Values What do you believe? What’s important to you? Capabilities What capabilities govern a behaviour? Behaviour Particular behaviours one undertakes Environment What do we see around us?

This is a kind of chunking, isn’t it, with each level containing the information for the level below it. If we change something at one of the lower levels, it does not necessarily change that something all the way up the hierarchy. However if we change something at one of the higher levels, it causes changes in every level below. You can use logical levels to problem solve, to goal set, or to achieve more congruency in the way you live. Exercise 48 – Empowerment. Choose an empowering state or goal you would like to experience, as well as the context in which you would like to experience it. As a floor exercise, step out the various logical levels, commencing with the environment level and ending with the spiritual/purpose level, in each case describing out loud the significance of the level to that state. (Eg, at environment level, describe where you want to experience it; at behaviour level describe what you want to do that reflects that state; at capability level describe the skills and knowledge involved in that behaviour; at beliefs/values describe what you believe that allows you to use those capabilities; at identity level describe who you are that would have those beliefs, at spirituality/purpose describe your overall purpose or vision for your life (perhaps as a symbol). Notice how your vision of your purpose affects every other level. Maintaining that clarity of vision/purpose, step back into the level of identity and feel your identity merge with your purpose. Maintaining your purpose and identity, step back into the level of beliefs and feel them all merge.


101

Continue stepping back into each level, bringing the merged qualities of the other levels with you, until you are back at the level of environment, knowing that you have all these resources at your fingertips, perfectly aligned and congruent, whenever you wish to use them. Exercise 49 – How can you use your knowledge of logical levels to solve a problem? (Clue 1: At what level is the problem most apparent? Clue 2: At what level does the problem “collapse in on itself”?)

Meta-Programs These are the content-free processes which literally rule our lives through the behaviour patterns that arise out of thinking styles. Just as our language displays which sensory systems we are using to process our experience of the world, our language also displays the meta-programs which run behaviours, behaviours such as decision-making! When we ask people the right questions about their values (eg What’s important to you about X? What does that give you? What does that mean to you?) they will answer in ways which communicate the meta-programs behind their behaviour, including their buying behaviour. (You started to work with this in the last module.) Global/Specific Meta-Program Have you ever noticed how some people naturally go for the "big picture" while others go for the detail? When we fail to match our client’s preference for global thinking or specific thinking (including combinations) in a conversation, we risk breaking rapport. Unless we wished to break rapport, we would always pace first, by sticking to our client’s preferred style, before leading into a higher or lower order of information. Case Study Joe is a salesperson who wants to sell a particular machine to Fred, an engineer. Joe waxes lyrical about all the big benefits: faster throughput, less downtime, modularised components for ease of repair, get the jump on the competition, etc, etc. Fred keeps asking questions about the precise type of wiring, the exact width of the feeder, the gauges of materials the machine can cope with. He wants to go over all of the specifications one by one. Joe’s impatient because he knows that the specifications are all very standard and that the machine’s benefits are in the design. He keeps trying to draw Fred back to the appreciation of what the machine can actually do. In this scenario, even if Joe gets the sale, he is unlikely to build a relationship that could encourage Fred to continue buying from him in the future. Now what if Joe took the time to firstly get into rapport with Fred, and really listened to Fred’s language to discover what level of detail Fred liked to operate at? With that knowledge, do you


102

think Joe could simply take out the specifications and one by one go over them, until Fred got everything he needed to say “Yes”? Do you think that would increase Joe’s “hit rate”? Away From/Toward People who are motivated “away from” have their attention on the thing they wish to avoid. They make progress by moving away from problems, painful feelings, or situations of disadvantage. These people often plan well for contingencies! People who are motivated “toward” have their attention on the benefit, gain or advantage of the thing they wish to acquire. Whilst they tend to be goal driven and are unlikely to procrastinate, they may not see the pitfalls along the way! These are the extremes of “away from” and “toward”, but most of us are somewhere in between. Case Study Madeleine was a sales manager of a team of 8. Times were tough and the team was struggling, so Madeleine decided to “motivate” the team by offering bonuses for higher sales. 2 members of Madeleine’s team actually got higher sales. 2 were unchanged, and 4 actually got worse! What happened? The answer to this puzzle is easy once you understand that each of us is motivated away from pain and toward pleasure. However, we are motivated in different proportions of “toward” and “away” and individuals have a “critical point” along a continuum which is their prime motivating point. The 2 members who improved were almost entirely “toward” motivated, meaning that they were easily inspired by reward. The 2 who were unchanged actually needed to have a little “pain” built in. Without that, their motivation “recipe” wasn’t quite right. The 4 who got worse would possibly have improved if no bonus were offered, but instead the consequences of failure were made very clear! Necessity/Possibility We’ve all met people who are very concerned with rules and regulations and who experience the world as a set of limits to be lived within. These people are very good at fulfilling obligations and responsibilities. On the other hand, we’ve probably also experienced the more “free thinkers” who are more interested in possibilities or options and who easily move into a lateral thinking process in order to resolve challenges. Artists, inventors, and entrepreneurs are mostly amongst this group. Of course there are dangers in either of these extremes. The “necessity” thinker doesn’t see an obvious solution because it’s “outside the box”. The “possibility” thinker might fail to realise that a particular option is not exactly ethical or legal.


103

Case Study Joseph is the purchasing officer for a large printing firm, and is in the market for new printing equipment. He has asked sales rep Maria to call by. When Maria arrives, Joseph explains the situation. The company has grown considerably over the last 2 years and the present equipment, although not by any means outdated, just cannot keep up with the workload. The operations manager has given Joseph decision making power and a budget of $150,000, together with a list of key specifications relating to throughput, ease/cost of servicing, and speed of throughput. Joseph is very clear as he describes each of the requirements in turn. “It absolutely must come in below $150,000”. “It needs to print full colour at a rate of X pages per minute.” “It is essential that servicing costs be less than $1000 per quarter.” “We have to have a machine that meets these exact specifications.” Etc. It is immediately clear to Maria that the budgeted sum is insufficient to cover the cost of a machine that will meet the key specifications, whether purchased from her company or any other company. However it is also immediately clear to Maria that this client is “necessity” oriented. Recognising that, Maria, instead of explaining the benefits of the equipment she feels will best suit Joseph’s requirements, spends time going over the stated specifications and takes time to ask “And in addition to these very vital essentials, what else is important from your experience, Joseph?” She knows that Joseph, being “necessity” oriented is likely to have a whole lot more “musts” and “have to’s” lurking there waiting to be discovered and addressed! Now, when Maria returns, she will produce a report showing a range of equipment. She will include some that are indeed under $150,000, but which fall down not only on the company’s key specifications, but also on Joseph’s! She will include some that are over $150,000, but will recommend against buying the higher priced machines because they exceed specifications, including Joseph’s. She will recommend buying the first machine over $150,000 which exactly meets Joseph’s and the company’s specifications. Unless some other sales person has Maria’s special knowledge of meta-programs, it is highly likely that Joseph will buy from her. (Note: If Joseph had been “possibility” oriented, he would have had a more open and curious attitude to the type of machine he was willing to look at. He would have used terms like “at least X pages per minute” and he possibly would have asked more questions about the whole of the range and more recent developments in printing technology.) Convincer Just as some people are more visually oriented and some more auditory and some more kinaesthetic, people tend to “make up their minds” based on visual, auditory, or kinaesthetic information. This means, for example, that people who are highly visual will need to see


104

information, charts, data, pictures. People who are auditory will need to hear about it, and people who are kinaesthetic need to get a “feel” for it. You already know how to get a fairly good idea of what kind of person you are talking to from their eye movements. Present information in that style! In addition to that, people differ in:

• The number of times they need to experience the information

• The duration of time over which they experience the information

• The intensity of their experience of the information

• The consistency of their experience of the information For instance, most sales people have clients who seem to just love them. You know they’re never going to get quotes from anyone else because they’ll only buy from you. Some of those clients only needed to buy from you once, and that’s it. On the other hand, if you’ve been keeping statistics for a while, you might notice that some of these clients you had to visit maybe 5-8 times before they’d finally buy from you. And maybe you’ve also got clients you have to literally “sell” all over again every time you see them. These people need you to convince them every time. And did you ever have a client where one little thing went wrong and they dumped you like a hot cake? For them, absolute consistency is essential! Even one experience “to the contrary” destroys their conviction to buy. Case Study Peter had done our sales training and was very experienced in eliciting meta-programs to determine his clients’ buying strategies. When he visited Steve, before presenting his product, he took some time to ask Steve about the suppliers he had used before. Steve gave a litany of troubles. It seemed that none of these suppliers had met his expectations, and amongst them Steve recognised companies whom he knew were highly professional. When things did go wrong, he knew that at least some of them would have moved heaven and earth to rectify the situation and make the client very happy. Peter also knew that Steve had been married to the same person for over 20 years. Obviously he didn’t dump everything quite so fast when something went wrong! So Peter realised that he could probably win this particular sale, but at the same time he could easily lose the client at a future date if he failed to meet a deadline or there was even a small fault with a product. With the considerable cost of sourcing a new client, this had to be recouped early


105

in the relationship because of the risk of loss. So Peter’s quote had to be somewhat higher than he might ordinarily have offered. In addition, Peter was in a position to catalogue a list of things that could go wrong and agree in advance how those would be addressed and in what timeframe. He described the client-supplier relationship as a marriage, where sometimes things did go wrong, due to error or misunderstanding, but that with common goals in mind, and dealing quickly and fairly if any problems did come up, the relationship would be rewarding not just financially, but also in other ways as the supplier got to learn and understand so much more about Steve’s business and its needs. Focus of Interest What kinds of things do you notice most? What always “stands out” to you? Are you a “people person” who notices people and feels very interested in people? Or do you think more about activities or processes? Other types of foci are:

• Place: thinking about where you’ve been or where you want to be – the landscape, the buildings, the “look” of the place.

• Things: focussed on possessions, material objects, maybe wanting to “the best”.

• Activities: focussed on events, actions.

• Information: if you’re a data collector and believe yourself to be the information “expert” you’ve probably got an “information” focus.

Case Study Samantha is paying a sales call to business owner Thomas, whom she has never met before. As she shakes his hand across the table, she notes that he has photos of his wife and children on his desk. On the wall is a collection of finger paintings with “To Daddy” written in a child’s hand. Samantha mentions that it was Thomas’s friend Bill (another of Samantha’s clients) who recommended she call and have a chat with Thomas to see if there was anything she could do. Thomas immediately began to talk about Bill, explaining that they went “way back” and belonged to a group of friends who holidayed together each year. Samantha notes that Thomas is focussed on people and activities. When she presents her service, she talks about its impact on working relationships and the way this will enable the team to be more productive and move ahead to those common goals.


106

Similarity/Difference (Match/Mismatch) Have you ever met anyone who, the minute you said “black”, they said “white”? If you said it was a fine day, they’ve declared that indeed it was a pretty ordinary day, or even “what’s fine about it!”. That was probably a person who focuses on the differences, or habitually mismatches. Sometimes we refer to this type of person as a “polarity responder”. On the other hand, there’s that equally maddening person who’s constantly focussing on the things that are similar or in common, rather than on things that are different or even “new”. This type of thinking can be quite counter-productive for a student, for example, because instead of recognising new knowledge, they will discount it be saying something like “Oh yes, this is just like X, and I learned that last year!” They completely miss out on the differences, especially the subtle ones, and therefore fail to learn. Case Study Macey the sales consultant is chatting with Fred the business owner and Fred seems “argumentative”. First he says that he has a problem with a certain manufacturing process, and then when Macey, carefully using his own terminology, refers to “the manufacturing problem” he denies that there is a problem! This man is even mismatching his own statements. Macey, realising that a mismatcher is one of the easiest people to influence, merely says, “Fred, I don’t know that you’d agree with me that there could be a better way to run that process, but I wonder if you wouldn’t find it easier to ……” Later she says, “Fred, this new method isn’t for everyone and it may not suit you ……” Fred is the easiest client of all, if you recognise his meta-program and respond to it appropriately! In Time/Through Time This meta-program refers to the way people think about their experience of life in relation to the passing of time. People who are “in time” are often easily recognisable because they are often late and are natural procrastinators. They tend to be very much “in the moment”, whether they are at work, at a party, or thinking of the past. People who are “through time” have clear distinctions between work and play and tend to be very organised. They are the one with the tidy desk, who is never late for an appointment, and who can’t tolerate tardiness or procrastination by others. Procrastination is beyond their comprehension! If you ask this person “what time is it” they can probably answer you correctly even though they might not be wearing a watch. They have an incredible awareness of the passing of time, and for judging how long things take to do.


107

Case Study Jamie the sales manager is talking to Bruce the sales consultant, in Bruce’s office, because there is a serious problem. Bruce is constantly late: late with his figures, late with reports, even late for appointments with clients, and there have been complaints. Jamie looks around the room and notices that Bruce’s desk is a snowstorm of papers. The diary is stuffed with notes on torn up bits of paper, and an open briefcase is on the floor, contents spilling out. Jamie understands that Bruce is most probably “in time” and also that he’s probably quite visual, since he seems to need to have everything he is working on displayed in front of him at the same time! Using some of the objects on Bruce’s desk, Jamie lays out a plan for Bruce’s day. On Bruce’s far left he places a photo of Bruce’s wife as he talks about the necessity of arriving at work on time: 8.00 am. Next to that he places Bruce’s mobile phone as he’s explaining that from 8.00 to 9.00 am Bruce needs to make his calls and plan his day. Next to that he places Bruce’s diary as he explains that he needs to leave the office in plenty of time to arrive at client’s premises on time. Next to that he places the desk clock as he explains that the daily report must be emailed prior to 5.30 pm. What Jamie has done is to sequentially “mark out” daily events in front of Bruce, giving Bruce a direct experience of viewing time as an onlooker, and simultaneously an experience of time passing in “packets” of planned activities. This simple technique can be very helpful to people who are struggling to manage time. Self/Others This simple little meta-program refers to whether a person sees the world in terms of “what’s in it for them” (self) or “what can I do for the world” (others). Both extremes are problematic. Discussion Mostly in sales we behave as if our client were the “what’s in it for me” type. Be aware however that this approach will fail dismally with someone at the extreme of “what can I do for the world”. Instead, stress not how your product or service will necessarily make the world a better place, but how your client’s purchase of your product or service will make the world a better place. Internal/External We’ve all had friends who’ve asked our opinion on everything and anything before making up their own minds. Maybe you’ve done that yourself? “Does this dress make me look big?” “I’m thinking of buying a new car; what do you think?” “Do you think I’m doing the right thing,


108

dating Susan?” “Should I buy the red one or the blue one?” This type of behaviour reflects an external source of validation or motivation. This is quite different from the person who comes out with statements (after the fact) like “I just knew I was doing the right thing.” “I’ve decided to marry Susan.” “I bought this dress because I thought it suited me better.” This reflects an internal source of validation or motivation. Again, the extremes of this meta-program are problematic. If we never took outside advice, we would be making decisions based on inadequate information. If we always acted on other people’s opinions, we would never live our own life! Discussion One of the fastest ways to determine the validation or motivation strategy of your client is to ask questions like “How did you make up your mind which supplier to use last time?” “Whose opinions matter most to you in determining which supplier you choose?” If a person is internally referenced, you can safely restrict discussion of benefits to the points of interest you elicit. If the person is externally referenced, you need to give examples of how other people made this same choice and what they then experienced and what they said about it. These are the contentless attitudes which spring from our values and beliefs, and which inform all of our actions. All of us have all of them operating, dependent upon context and circumstance, some more than others. Exercise 50 – Part 1 Each person in the group names someone they barely know. Go through each of the Meta-Programs and “guess” which they are. Knowledge of the Meta-Programs is often sold as part of training worth many thousands of dollars. For sure, this is incredibly powerful knowledge, because it gives you the ability to understand other human beings more deeply than ever before. However, as you can now see from doing this exercise, it is dead easy once you have some simple information, isn’t it!? Exercise 50 – Part 2 Planning a Party. With a partner, plan an imaginary party. Each person takes a different approach within each Meta-Program (eg, if one talks in “toward” terms, the other will talk in “away from” terms. Although this exercise also looks very simple, you no doubt found it easier to play certain roles than others. If you’re to be an exquisite communicator, you need total flexibility in moving from


109

one Meta-Program to another. This is, after all, an important part of the language your friend, colleague, client or family member is using.

The Milton Model The Milton Model is so named after brilliant hypnotherapist Milton Erickson, who absolutely changed the face of hypnosis in modern times. Erickson used what he called “artfully vague” language patterns to communicate more effectively. We are using Milton language when we ask questions like “Shall we make an appointment for Wednesday morning, or for Thursday afternoon?”, skillfully taking our listener’s focus away from the desirability or not of a meeting, and towards a decision between two similar outcomes. Milton language tends to induce trance because of its lack of specificity. On hearing Milton language, we tend to “go inside” (trans-derivational search) to search for and decide upon a more specific meaning. Essentially, the Milton Model is the inverse of the Meta-Model, and so uses nominalisations, presuppositions, complex equivalence etc quite deliberately. The Milton Model also includes: � Pacing current experience: “You are sitting there in your chair, looking at me and listening to

what I am saying.” � Double binds: “Would you like to make me a cup of coffee now or some time in the next 30

seconds?” � Conversational postulates: “Could you just close that door behind you?” “Can you reach that

book on the shelf?” We tend to simply comply, rather than question the command. � Extended quotes: “As I was coming in to work this morning I was listening to the radio as

the announcer talked about a guest he’d had on earlier who said “You really need to increase your exercise activity and lower your food intake now that summer is here.” This can mask a message, or where you “nest” several quotes or stories within one main story, induce trance and achieve amnesia for much of the material.

� Tag question: “And you can do that, can you not?” “So that has been a problem for you,

hadn’t it?” � Selectional restriction violation: “A table can have feelings.” “Your chair feels comfortable.”


110

� Ambiguity: Phonological (Hear/here) (Your unconscious) can cause confusion Syntactic (They are visiting consultants.) Scope (Speaking to you as a mother) � Punctuation: Run-on sentences “Notice your watch what you are doing.” Pauses “So you might find yourself deciding to relax now. Incomplete sentences “If you’re wondering about that ………” � Utilisation: Making use of immediate happenings in the environment to enhance

communication effectiveness “And the sound of the traffic serves to allow you to relax even more deeply.”

An important “utilisation” statement that Milton was famous for was “That’s right” said whenever Milton had suggested trance and the client responded in any way whatsoever ☺☺☺☺.

Exercise 51 – Script for trance. The best way to induce trance in others is to GO FIRST! How many of the above patterns can you use to write up a script for trance induction? In pairs, A paces B and then begins to relax deeply as he/she reads out the prepared script. Have B experiment by imagining him/herself (dissociated out in front) in a deep trance and altering/modifying submodalities to discover what increases trance and what decreases it. Have B allow his/her arm to rise using honest unconscious movement whenever a change in submodality increases trance, and lower whenever a change in submodality decreases trance. When trance is at its “maximum”, anchor this kinaesthetically. Now say to B “Now just as quickly as your arm begins to lower all the way down you can bring those learnings back to us now in this room, and as your arm touches your leg you’ll realise you’re fully awake, relaxed, invigorated and alert.” (Bring arm down manually if they appear to take too long ☺) So what did you learn?


111

Embedded Commands

An embedded command is a directive pattern of speech “hidden” within a communication. Although they are “hidden” from the conscious awareness of the listener, nevertheless they are not hidden from the subconscious, and the subconscious often responds to them very obediently. Many of the Milton patterns contained embedded commands, that is commands which are presented hidden within the communication, but which can be “marked out” easily for the unconscious mind to notice and comply with (without the interference of the conscious mind). It is easy to mark out such commands using command tonality (lower your voice towards the end of the command) and by pausing in your speech before and after the command. You can use hand gestures to further mark out and add oomph to the embedded command. Examples: I wouldn’t tell you, Joan, to get over this now ….because I realise that sometimes these things take time before you can say to yourself ….. just yet ….. “It’s time to ….let this go.” I’m wondering if you’re able to help me with this problem in such a way that you can arrange a credit for me today? Keep in mind that embedded commands were not invented. They were observed! What this means is that embedded commands are a natural part of our own language. We all use them all of the time. Trouble is, most of us use them negatively: Examples:: Teacher: “Now don’t FORGET TO BRING YOUR BOOK TOMORROW!” (most of the

class forgets) Mother: “Be careful Johnny or you’ll DROP THAT!” (Johnny starts to falter) Me: “Don’t THINK OF A BLUE ELEPHANT.” (how can you not!?) Positive embedded commands would be much more effective: Teacher: “Now REMEMBER TO BRING YOUR BOOK TOMORROW!” (most of the class

remember) Mother: “Be careful Johnny and KEEP THAT VERY BALANCED!” (Johnny stays on track) Me: “Can you IMAGINE A BLUE GIRAFFE?” (a blue elephant probably did not come

to mind) Why is it so? It is not possible to understand the first three examples without imagining forgetting, or dropping, or thinking of a blue elephant. In the second three examples, it is not


112

possible to understand them without thinking of remembering, or of keeping balanced, and you certainly wouldn’t have thought of an elephant when I first asked about a giraffe! Our actions tend to follow wherever the mind is pointing. Remember when you were learning to drive a car, and developing a sense of just where you were in relation to the centre line and the edge of the road? If you were focussed on the edge, the car would seem to veer towards it, and if you were focussed on the centre line the car would similarly veer towards that! The only way to keep steady on the road was to line up with a point other than the edge or the centre line and keep your focus there. Now that you know what an embedded command is, what embedded commands would you like to direct your client’s mind (and signing hand) toward? How about these: Take it today Make this yours today List with me Take delivery of this product Engage our services Make a commitment today Join our program Enjoy using this product Endorse this proposal Etc, etc, etc It is easy to mark out such commands using command tonality (lower your voice towards the end of the command) and by pausing in your speech before and after the command, and even by gesturing in time with the words with your hand/s. Example: Joan, you’ve told me that it’s important to you to lose weight so that you can fit into those gorgeous clothes in your wardrobe, and also so you can play with your grandchildren and actually enjoy it. You’ve explained that that would give you a sense of real satisfaction and achievement and a feeling that you really belong in the family and are part of it. If you did decide to JOIN OUR PROGRAM TODAY, JOAN, that would mean that you could start losing that weight right away, and when you MAKE THIS PROGRAM YOURS, NOW, you’ll enjoy being able to look in the mirror and see yourself in those gorgeous clothes again. It’s especially important, Joan, to MAKE A COMMITMENT TODAY so that you can again really enjoy the feeling of belonging in this family and of being able to fully take part in family life again, isn’t it, Joan. Let’s ENDORSE THIS AGREEMENT RIGHT NOW, shall we, so you can GET STARTED RIGHT AWAY.


113

Notice we’ve replayed Joan’s words, and we’ve mirrored back her “towards” meta-program. If we had started talking about how if Joan didn’t join today she’d end up doing nothing and then she’d never lose weight, we would have mismatched her thinking style and her motivation style. Or if we tried to increase her pain in other ways by really getting into how she didn’t want to miss this chance to get back into those old clothes, or that if she didn’t lose weight she’d miss out on time with her grandchildren, the whole thing could backfire because Joan has told us nothing that would lead us to suspect she is motivated by pain! Now I must tell you that embedded commands are very powerful and manipulative. Certainly you can actually, quite often, get people to do things that benefit you rather than them. And you might be tempted to start thinking in terms of manipulating people, or having power over people. As always I strongly urge you to maintain an ethical approach: although embedded commands are certainly that powerful, to use that type of technique in an attempt to manipulate, immediately pulls you out of any rapport state you may have created with your client. What happens next for the client is usually quite unconscious. He or she becomes aware that “something is not right”. They can’t quite put their finger on it, but they have a sense of disquiet. They may very well go on and complete the deal, but I’ll tell you what -- you probably won’t get another deal from this person, and it is even less likely they will ever refer you to a friend or colleague. Never, never use embedded commands for your own advantage. Use them only for the advantage of the client when he or she has indicated, verbally or non-verbally that it is time to buy. By being aware of our language, and practicing embedded commands, we can make sure we use our powers for good ☺. Exercise 52 – Installing Good Stuff! Now that you know how to access trance, how exciting would it be to anchor powerful states like confidence, bliss, fascination, wantonness, abandon, and the famous “Go For It!”. Can you elicit all of these and stack them in one spot? Can you create a sliding anchor and double them and double them again? Can you anchor that in turn to a word which becomes a “power word” for yourself or another? What is there in your life that you’d like to powerfully attach this anchor to? I wonder how many embedded commands you can include? The Be Set Free Fasttm Technique (BSFF) Dr Larry Phillip Nims, an internationally-respected clinical psychologist, academic, author and researcher developed BSFF because he believed existing therapies were inadequate. He said that conventional talk therapies either did not work, or took too long (leaving people in distress). He also felt that although sometimes they appeared to work, success was often short-lived, with the subsequent "failure" causing people to lose hope altogether.


114

Whilst BSFF was developed directly from Dr Nims’ exposure to neuro-somatic therapy (specifically the same “Callahan Techniques” which Gary Craig based EFT on) it has always been also firmly rooted in NLP, and specifically in Ericksonian Language. If you are ever privileged to see Dr Nims work with a client, you will be amazed to see NLP techniques flying faster than you can track: calibration and rapport, trance induction and fractionation, metaphor, meta-model, sleight of mouth, Ericksonian language in bucketloads. Initially, Dr Nims used a combination of tapping on acupoints together with instructions to the subconscious mind to "break" the electromagnetic bonds and eliminate the emotional roots and deepest cause of any problem. Like the rest of us, he once thought we were impacting on our “energy” system, but he soon realised that the commands to the subconscious were the key.

Quite clearly, BSFF is hypnosis, without the need to formally induce trance at all! The process itself induces a light trance and ensures co-operation by the subconscious. Erickson would be delighted!

The Theoretical Basis of BSFF - The Role of Your Subconscious Mind No-one grows up unscarred from the experiences of life, so that all of us are affected to some extent by our experiences of our early environment. We do not have conscious knowledge of our many and varied "hurts", but we can appreciate, thanks to studies in hypnosis and neuro-science, that we subconsciously remember every single moment. However we don't have to consciously remember events in order to be affected by them and repeat the same response patterns endlessly. Our subconscious mind does this for us, primarily through the amygdala and hippocampus (two important brain structures relating to learning, memory and emotion), and this is how we can get an automatic emotional response to various stimuli such as smells, sights and sounds. This is the same reason we engage in unhelpful activity such as self-sabotage, and why we find ourselves unable to control things like panic attacks, for instance. These "hurtful" events from the past don't even have to be truly traumatic. All that matters is that our perception at the time was that the event was a threat. An excellent example of this is that of a new baby who has just been fed by mother a mere 1 1/2 hours ago but who has metabolised his/her last meal quickly and is now "starving" again. Mother does everything she can think of to soothe her much-loved child. She suspects colic and tries to "burp" and calm the baby; she suspects an uncomfortable nappy/diaper and changes the baby; she rocks and sings to her baby. Still the baby starves and screams. Finally mother feeds the baby again and it settles and sleeps. The baby wasn't in any real danger. The mother was at all times loving and caring. But still a threat to survival was registered and has had an effect. We all have been traumatised by such innocuous events which are in reality impossible to avoid.


115

It is generally considered to be fairly unusual to be significantly affected by any negative event occurring after the age of 7, and rare to be significantly affected by any negative event occurring after adolescence. Obvious exceptions to this are traumatic episodes, but even with these, it is possible that it is early experience which determines whether or not someone recovers quickly from such an episode experienced, or not. Dr Nims called the negative emotional experiences that lead to unhelpful behaviour and psycho-somatic disease/illness, emotional "roots", and he held that there could be thousands of these for each problem of which we are aware. He also said that locked into each set of emotional roots is a basic unhelpful belief, which he called "deepest cause". He thought that together the emotional roots and deepest cause exist as an electromagnetic pattern in the whole body, which results in set patterns of brain activity and mental/physical activity. This is probably as good a way as any to describe the complex interplay of conditioned responses that gives rise to so much of inner thoughts and outer behaviour. After all, many of the thoughts which we think and emotions which we experience are nothing more than knee-jerk "stimulus-response" activity -- that is, they are irrational, and not based on the needs of the moment, but on the needs of the distant past. Your Subconscious Mind is Your Servant The subconscious mind is certainly our "obedient servant". It appears to exist in order to fulfill two purposes only: firstly to ensure our physical survival, and secondly to carry out explicit orders. The subconscious mind effortlessly and faultlessly carries out many thousands of activities simultaneously at any given time. It has the capacity to control every single individual muscle fibre in the body. It runs unimaginably complex chemical and mechanical processes 24 hours a day. It is always seeking instruction and it always does what it is told, providing some simple rules are followed. Knowing how to communicate with your subconscious mind is both a science and an art. BSFF provides you with both! Instant BSFF for Instant Change Instant BSFF is one of the most important psychological interventions of the millennium. It makes it possible for us to permanently eradicate many, many, emotional roots of problems in a very short space of time, and to do this gently, thoroughly, and permanently. With Instant BSFF, we merely use a command word or phrase which represents the entire treatment. This is astounding, because it means that with a single word we can wipe out many aspects of many problems in a matter of minutes! The protocol overleaf may be used to set up BSFF so that it works for you. Remember that there is nothing magical about this, in commanding the subconscious in this way, we are recognizing tasks at which the subconscious excels, and simultaneously taking advantage of a conditioned response that is present in almost everyone: inner acceptance of command tonality!


116

And after all, it is not so surprising that the subconscious mind should be capable of “eliminating” or “undoing” unwanted conditioned responses such as anxiety or nervousness or anger. You could say that it was only logical that since the mind “put them there” it can also “take them away” or “undo” them. Setting Up BSFF and Confirming its Acceptance by the Subconscious Mind Step 1: Understand the Basic Premise BSFF may be explained as a new approach to gaining deep healing or freedom from the emotional pain which is at the root of almost every psychological or physical problem. If the problem does not have emotional roots, then BSFF probably cannot help to a great degree, but often physical problems certainly do have either emotional causes or emotional implications.

In this step, consider to yourself how the subconscious operates as such an obedient and reliable servant, and how BSFF unlocks unhelpful patterns which hold us back or keep us stuck so that we are free to make better choices in our lives, and we are free from emotional pain.

Step 2: Command the Subconscious Mind What to Do In this step tell your subconscious mind (actually speak out loud to it, reading the instruction below) that when the subconscious hears the treatment command (decide on any word or phrase you wish to act as your treatment command), "You will immediately go in and eliminate every single emotional root and deepest cause of any problem I may ever wish to treat. And you will do this in such a way that nothing could ever make me want to take it back, or passively or actively receive it back, or be receptive to it coming back, ever, in any way, shape or form." It doesn’t matter what word or phrase you use as your command word. Some people like computer terms like “delete” or “clear”, while others prefer magical words like “abracadabra”, or even fun phrases like “chocolate ice cream”. And of course you can change that word for a new one any time you feel like it. Step 3: Confirm Set-up You will now say the following statements:

1 I believe that I can use this simple technique to eliminate any problem I may ever wish to treat. 2 And my subconscious mind will do this for me.

The procedure is now in place. In order to run the procedure, all that is necessary is that we state a focus for the treatment and then merely say the command "subconscious mind, treat that, * (command word). It is important to make this a command, and not to say "please treat that" or "would you now treat that". Those are queries, not commands, and the subconscious mind responds best to a command.


117

Step 4: Apply BSFF to Problems You are now ready to treat any problem of which you are aware with the statement "Subconscious mind, treat that, * (code word)". It is not necessary to be able to verbalise the problem, merely to notice that something is not as we wish, and to direct the treatment at that "something". Although you can now commence treatment of any issue, it is highly recommended that self-esteem issues be the starting point. These can be dealt with exceedingly quickly, and will add to the ease of treating other issues. Step 5: Challenge Your Results! BSFF is a powerful, reliable intervention. It is not necessary to "convince" yourself of its effectiveness. The apparent changes which we've made are not fragile and do not need to be handled with kid gloves!

Rather, in order to be thorough and to be sure we have done our job, we need to strongly challenge the results. Use your own bodily felt sensations to test each part of a sequence which represents an imagined event. Don’t even think about placing yourself in an actual event until you “pass with flying colours” with the imagined event! If, in testing your work, you get any kind of unwanted physical or emotional response, keep treating that with your BSFF command until it has been entirely eliminated. Unconscious Injunctions (or Secondary Gain Issues) Sometimes Slow or Prevent Progress Sometimes progress may seem slow or non-existent when in fact much is being done subconsciously but there are such a vast number of aspects which must be dealt with. After all, it is thought that no problem exists in isolation: instead, each problem is part of an interconnecting personal “ecology”. So you can understand that sometimes there are secondary gain issues which may impact on the progress of treatment, and which in turn may be treated with BSFF. Some of these may be: Safety (for me and others) Deservedness OKness Comfort Enjoyment Readiness


118

Loss It makes sense that progress is sometimes slow or non-existent when these secondary gain issues are at play. The subconscious mind simply will not accept an instruction that is in conflict with something it has coded as a "survival" issue. This gives us wonderful confidence in the method because we simply cannot eliminate anything whatsoever that is good for us! If progress seems slow, say each of the following statements and then command your subconscious mind to “treat that”. Notice that there is an array of positive and negative statements. That’s fine, because we want to remove unwanted conditioned responses around all of it! It's unconditionally OK for me to be over this problem now. I want to keep this problem. I want this problem to get much worse. There are no disadvantages to my being over this problem. I'm not ready to be over this problem. There is another problem which must be dealt with first. I'll enjoy getting over this problem. I'm comfortable getting over this problem. I want to be free of this problem. I want to get over this problem. I want to get over this problem now. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get over this problem now. It's safe for me to get over this problem now. It's safe for others for me to get over this problem now. I'm afraid to get over this problem now. I deserve to get over this problem now. It's possible for me to get over this problem now. I have the resources to get over this problem now. I give myself permission to get over this problem now. It's good for me to get over this problem now. It's good for others for me to get over this problem now. If others have this problem, then I should also have this problem. People wouldn't like me so much if got over this problem now. I'll feel deprived if I get over this problem now. I don't believe I can get over this problem now. I don't believe I can easily get over this problem now. I'm afraid of the consequences of getting over this problem now. It will be difficult for me to get over this problem now. It will be painful for me to get over this problem now. I'll lose part of my identity if I get over this problem now.


119

Even if I get over this problem now, I'm afraid it will come back. There's at least one other reason that will stop me from getting over this problem now. More tips for more rapid progress Going for a deeper change: I have found the following statement to be most helpful in gaining faster progress when things seem to be moving slowly. I stress that it is experimental at this stage, and not yet tested in the international community. When using this statement myself, I am aware of a definite change, as are many clients.

After saying "Unconscious mind, treat that, * (code word)", you might like to try adding "and treat the roots of that, and the roots of the roots, and the roots of the roots of the roots, and so on and so on, all the way back through my life, through my birth, through my time in the womb, and even before, treat all of that, * (code word)".

By saying "and even before" I am not indicating "past lives", although some people may be quite comfortable with that term. I certainly am indicating that patterns learned both verbally and non-verbally from previous generations are present in all of us and are very amenable to BSFF.

Going for a faster change (and often obviating the need to check through the secondary gain aspects): Merely say in a very firm tone “Unconscious mind, treat that 50 million times right now and I mean it! *(code word)”. BSFF for Self-Confidence Right Now! Self-confidence and self-esteem issues are at the heart of most problems, so that sooner or later, whether we want to or not, we are faced with the need for dealing with those core issues. Good statements to treat are: I like myself. I unconditionally adore myself. I'm a good person. I’m a wonderful person. I have personal value and worth. I am beyond price. I deserve good things in life. I deserve only the very best that life can offer.


120

I deserve to be loved. I deserve to be loved totally unconditionally. I deserve God's love. (Even if we don’t believe in God, we may have old programming which is problematic around the word “God”.) I deserve to be adored by God. I have a good mind. I am an intellectual genius. I have a good body. I have the most beautiful, sexy body in the entire universe. I want to live. I want to live life to the full every day. I want to be happy. I want to be gloriously blissful. I'm willing to be happy. I’m willing to be gloriously blissful now. I’m willing to do everything necessary to see to it that I am happy now. I’m willing to do everything necessary to see to it that I am gloriously happy now. I am good at things. I am great at things. I am a capable person. I am an amazingly capable person. I can learn to do almost anything and do it well. I can easily learn to do almost anything extremely well. I have a skilful mind. I have an amazingly skilful mind. I have a skilful body. I have an amazingly skilful body. My body is attractive. My body is incredibly attractive. I run my life well. I run my life incredibly well. I want to be successful. I want to be highly successful. I'm willing to be successful. I’m willing to be highly successful. I'm willing to be successful now. I’m willing to be highly successful now. I'm willing to do everything necessary to see to it that I am successful now. I’m willing to do everything necessary to see to it that I am highly successful now. I want to be well. I want to be gloriously well. I'm willing to be well. I’m willing to be gloriously well.


121

I'm willing to be well now. I’m willing to be gloriously well now. I'm willing to do everything necessary to see to it that I am well now. I’m willing to do everything necessary to see to it that I am gloriously well now. I get well extremely quickly. I am confident. I am exceptionally confident. I need to be in control. I am free to choose to control or not control. I am comfortable without having to be in control. I need to excel. I have no need to excel. I can choose to excel or not. I need to be perfect. I am already perfect. I need to learn/know a lot in order to be happy. I choose to be happy regardless of what I learn or know. I have love pain. I have no love pain whatsoever. I have fear of love pain. I have no fear whatsoever of love pain. I welcome love in my life. I unconditionally welcome love in my life. I am responsible for others. I am not responsible for any other human being. It's not ok for me to have things when others don't. I may have what I wish, when I wish, regardless of what others may choose. It's not right for me to have more than others. It is right for me to have all that I wish for. If others are struggling then I must struggle too. Struggle has no part in my life. It's ok for me to earn more than …………….. a year. Life is too hard. Life is a piece of cake! I care a lot about what others think of me. I am totally unconcerned with what others think of me. It's ok to express my thoughts. I am 100% comfortable expressing my thoughts. It's ok to express my feelings. I am 100% comfortable expressing my feelings.


122

I have a problem with: God The Devil Hell Mum and Dad Family member Teachers I have no problems with any person, place or thing. I fear public speaking. I adore public speaking. I still have at least one problem which lowers my self-confidence. If this last statement tests strong, you will need to discover how many other problems exist which lower self-confidence by testing "There is more than 1" etc until you get the exact number. It’s not necessary to believe in a god or the devil to get mileage out of the work above. As adults we may have made our own decisions about the world that definitely don’t include such constructs, however most of us still have inner responses to those concepts that were installed when we were very young. It is those inner responses that we interested in, because they may serve to limit us in unhelpful ways. Warning: We all have aspects of narcissism and/or grandiosity which are not only out of kilter with reality, but which can make us rather unpleasant to be around. In many people this is subtle and unspoken, and of course with some disorders it is so blatant that the person becomes dysfunctional and even dangerous. Do not use these exercises to buy into narcissistic or grandiose ideals. Keep it real. You can do that by keeping in mind that building self-esteem or self-respect does not mean making ourselves better than others, that we remain accountable and responsible for our actions, and that kindness, courtesy and humility are still worthwhile endeavours! Public Speaking with Comfort and Confidence The fear of public speaking is the number one fear in most developed countries, and affects people from all walks of life, from the retired lady who is afraid to make conversation, to the corporate high flyer who is terrified of making presentations or talking in board meetings, to the performer who suffers great distress every time he/she takes to the stage. In many polls, this fear rates higher than the fear of being eaten alive by a shark! And it is all so unnecessary. Whatever your own experience it is almost certain that a quick resolution may be had through the application of BSFF. The old approaches (desensitisation, willpower, and cognitive therapy) are quite unnecessary, and this is good news because none of them got to the seat of the problem anyway! The mystery is why we ever thought they did, because such problems are neither driven by nor controlled by the conscious mind. They are mediated by the unconscious mind.


123

How do these fears arise! We do not, of course, consciously "decide" to be fearful. What happens is that an event occurs where a stimulus-response bond is formed (the flight/fight syndrome, for example). Our wonderful brain is constantly forming these bonds, but most were laid down when we were very young, thanks to the activities of brain structures known as the thalamus, hippocampus and amygdala. Together these structures receive information and then code it for future use, providing the basis for memory, learning and emotion. The event is long gone, but the problem continues to exist purely as a biochemical/electrochemical stimulus-response bond. This is the first time in the history of psychology that we have been able to treat such problems at their root because never before have we had such access to powerful tools which are now available to everyone. Ease of communication is your birthright! Every human being on this planet has the capacity to communication with total ease and comfort. That doesn't necessarily mean we will communicate with clarity or skill, but you know what? When you speak with passion, congruently and from the heart, people will listen! Those things don't take skill -- they take an internal attitude that is already there! It's just that we've learned stuff early in life that got in the way. Once we use BSFF to eliminate the old blocks, we find to our delight that our natural abilities to communicate are indeed already there. Sure we can polish them, and now even the process of learning to speak more and more skillfully is easy and comfortable too! Now we notice great speakers and realise how easy it is to do that ourselves. Now we feel free to play with communication!

Now, we are more aware of our audience and their feedback and more willing and able to “be with” them and respond easily and appropriately to that feedback. The Steps to Claiming Confidence in Public Speaking Firstly let me address a common concern that people have about losing their anxiety about public speaking. Many people fear that without anxiety they will somehow perform badly. They’re afraid they won’t pay enough attention to preparation, or that they won’t “stay on their toes”. In fact the opposite is the case. Studies clearly show that we cannot think as rationally, or creatively when we are anxious. Clearly, anxiety gets in the way of both the preparation and the presentation and we need to eliminate every last shred of it! Even if you don't want to bother with this whole procedure, you will eventually get fantastic results if you just keep saying "Unconscious mind, treat that *code word"" each time you notice


124

nervousness. However if you want rapid, practically overnight results, the following information will assist most people. Step 1 Say out loud and treat all of the unconscious injunctions which might prevent you from getting over your public speaking problem now. (They’re the “stoppers” mentioned earlier.) Make quite certain that there is no emotion or body tension around any of these before proceeding. You might also have your own additional injunctions to add, depending on your knowledge of your own problem. Some people might like to add "If I get over this problem now I will lose at least one friend." or "I'd have a big head if I get over this problem now." Those things can get in the way. Step 2 State and treat: "There is no problem whatsoever, under any conditions whatsoever, that prevents me in any way, shape or form from getting over my public speaking problem now." Make sure that when you say this you feel completely relaxed physically and there is no discernible emotion. If something should “come up” treat it until it no longer arises, even when you deliberately try to get it back! Step 3 Make a list of all of the statements you can think of that relate to your public speaking problem. This problem may consist of many aspects: I deserve to be heard I don’t deserve to be heard I deserve to be listened to I don’t deserve to be listened to I have the right to speak I don’t have the right to speak I like being the centre of attention I hate being the centre of attention Other statements might involve: Fearing not having the right words Not liking people's eyes looking at you Believing people are judging you harshly


125

Believing people don't like you Believing you can't cope if people don't like you Believing everyone must like you Heart palpitating Chest squeezing Palms sweating and many others Identify and treat as many aspects as you can think of until you feel perfectly calm and relaxed even as you consider/imagine each one. Step 4 Imagine the sequence of preparing and then executing a public speaking opportunity. Do you feel any discomfort at any stage as you imagine? If so, treat every aspect of that discomfort until you can comfortably imagine going through the process with confidence. Step 5 Now state and treat for the "left-overs", the shock and trauma to your system from having had all these problems you've treated, anger, blame/criticism/judgement, unforgiveness. My system has been shocked and traumatised by having had this problem. I am angry at ……. for my having had this problem. I am angry at the world for my having had this problem. I am angry at God for my having had this problem. I have judgement, criticism and blame at …… for my having had this problem. I have judgement, criticism and blame at the world for my having had this problem. I have judgement, criticism and blame at God for my having had this problem. I have judgement, criticism and blame at myself for having had this problem. I have unforgiveness towards ……. for my having had this problem. I have unforgiveness towards the world for my having had this problem. I have unforgiveness towards God for my having had this problem. I have unforgiveness towards myself for my having had this problem. Step 6 This is the "clincher". This treatment is not complete until you've given it the ultimate challenge. Does it hold up in real life? If it does, congratulations! You've been thorough and seemingly got all the aspects. I found that for a while, after treating myself for my own public speaking anxiety, that each time I spoke at a new venue I would get nervous and have to treat myself on the spot. After doing that some five or six times, I now no longer get nervous no matter what the venue or how large the crowd.


126

If your treatment does not hold up in real life, this merely means there are additional aspects to treat. Keep treating yourself persistently and eventually you will get them all and then really enjoy your opportunities to speak publicly. Note: When testing in real life, remember to stop and “check” yourself at each part of the sequence. How do you feel when you are merely getting ready to speak? Don’t allow yourself out of your chair until you feel perfectly calm and relaxed about getting up. How do you feel about walking to the front of the room. Stand by your chair and don’t allow yourself to go to the front until you feel perfectly calm and relaxed about that. When you are at the front of the room, how do you feel as you look around and make really good eye contact with each person in the room? Do not allow yourself to proceed until that also feels good to you. As you are talking, stop and consider how you feel, physically and emotionally. Treat any little thing that is “going on”. When you are finished, stop at the front of the room and check how you feel about just having done what you did? Treat anything that remains. This is an excellent exercise to do with your group, even if you already believe yourself to be confident in this area. When you are very confident, play around with having group members play roles like “bored”, “disagree”, or “asleep” and check your reactions to those!

Eliminating Limits to Money/Success Most of us go about our lives believing that our experience of wealth, abundance and success should be under our own control, but that “something” prevents us from doing so. Certainly, up till now, most of us have believed that it required great effort to be successful, that we could be successful only up to a point, or that if we were successful our success would not last. It is an enormous relief to know that our success or otherwise is precisely mediated by the unconscious mind, and that finally there are ways to quickly and dramatically remove the blocks! They Myths about Wealthy People Many of us were brought up to think ill of the wealthy; that they got that way through greed or dishonesty, that wealth equated a lack of care or consideration of others. How wrong that was. Do you know that the truly wealthy are our greatest contributors to charitable causes? Do you realise that it's just about impossible to become wealthy in your professional field unless you care passionately about the quality of service or product that you provide? How many times have you seen a sad story in the news and wished from the depths of your heart that you could write a cheque for a million dollars and just send it off where it was needed? Those who are truly wealthy can and do! Would you like to be able to do that too?


127

How Do Our Money Limits Arise? We do not, of course, consciously “decide” to exist with limitations to our success. What happens is that generally over time (and in early childhood) we unconsciously learn lessons relating to money and success. How were wealthy people talked about in your household as you grew up? What were the verbal messages you received about what was possible for you? Even more relevant, what were the non-verbal messages you received? For most people, what they are earning/receiving now relates to the messages they got from mum and the messages they got from dad. That’s our limit. And if we do do any better, it is usually at great cost: stress, health, family disunity. The good news is that these problems are not “real”, in that we cannot put them on a bench and actually look at them. They cannot be seen, heard, touched, tasted or smelled. They exist only in our neurology! They are no more than conditioned responses or conditioned beliefs. You now know that you do not have to “talk positively” to yourself, use affirmations, willpower or determination to deal with these types of problems. In the face of negative unconscious beliefs, that old approach will take you nowhere even in the short term. You can actually eliminate the problems so that you naturally and easily think differently, make different sorts of decisions, and welcome success into your life with every cell of your being. Step 1 Decide what amount you would like to earn more than. I recommend that you choose something "sensible yet challenging", not because I believe there are limits, but because generally it will be quicker to see the results of working on a goal of 50% more than you currently earn, than working on a goal of 5000% more than you currently earn! Also keep this point in mind: if you choose a goal of 5000% more than you currently earn, you may not in fact currently have the knowledge to do that. Your unconscious mind may well find ways to get that knowledge, and that may well involve financial failure! Remember that many of our truly wealthy individuals have lost money several times before they finally “put it all together”. Step 2 State and treat all of the unconscious injunctions which might prevent you from getting over your money limit problem now. (The “stoppers”.) Whenever you get a physical or emotional response to any such statement, use BSFF to treat that until you feel perfected calm and relaxed about the statement. You might have your own additional injunctions to add, depending on your knowledge of your


128

own problem. Some people might like to add "If I get over this problem now I will lose at least one friend." or "My family would hassle me for money if I earned that." or "I'd have to be greedy to earn that." or “I’d have to burn myself out to do that.” Those things can get in the way. Step 3 State and treat the statement: "There is no problem whatsoever, under any conditions whatsoever, that prevents me in any way, shape or form from getting over my money problem now." Make sure you treat this until you feel perfectly relaxed and calm about this statement. It should feel “effortlessly real” to you! Step 4 Treat your money problem. You might have aspects to your money problem that you are consciously aware of and these can be treated quite easily. It’s often good in a group to write everyone’s thoughts about money and wealth up on a whiteboard. Put positive as well as negative statements, and when you can’t think of any more, treat the whole lot! Step 5 State and treat: "It is absolutely OK for me to earn more than $xxxxx per year, easily and consistently, with great joy, confidence and comfort, working less than x hours per week in a job that I passionately adore, and there is nothing whatsoever that stands in my way in any way, shape or form." Make sure you feel perfectly calm and relaxed about this and that it feels “effortlessly real”. Step 6 Now test and treat for the "left-overs", the shock and trauma to your system from having had all these problems you've treated, anger, blame/criticism/judgement, unforgiveness. State and treat the following statements: My system has been shocked and traumatised by having had this problem. I am angry at ……. for my having had this problem. I am angry at the world for my having had this problem. I am angry at God for my having had this problem. I have judgement, criticism and blame at …… for my having had this problem. I have judgement, criticism and blame at the world for my having had this problem. I have judgement, criticism and blame at God for my having had this problem. I have judgement, criticism and blame at myself for having had this problem. I have unforgiveness towards ……. for my having had this problem. I have unforgiveness towards the world for my having had this problem.


129

I have unforgiveness towards God for my having had this problem. I have unforgiveness towards myself for my having had this problem. Step 7 This is the "clincher". This treatment is not complete until you've given it the ultimate challenge. Does it hold up in real life? Are you now thinking differently about money? Are you actually learning new things (or new skills) and behaving in new ways that earn or bring more money? Is money becoming easier? Do you have different attitudes to wealth and wealthy people? Are you earning what you wished for? Do you now genuinely feel comfortable with that degree of success? Are you at ease about your worth? If these things are happening - congratulations! If these things are not yet happening - there is more to treat. Dyna-Charged BSFF Multi-Instant BSFF 1 Pacman Style Another BSFF technique being trialed with considerable success is the use of the

command word to set up a permanent, comprehensive, continuing treatment which is a free-ranging instruction for the unconscious mind to sort through itself and eliminate any negative emotion which it can find whatsoever. This instruction may need to be "topped up" from time to time, and reports so far are favourable.

When I use this technique, I imagine that my code word splits off inside my head into

millions and millions of little "Pacman" creatures that then race around my brain eating every single negative emotional root or belief they come across. Some other type of imagined technique may work better for you, depending on whether you prefer to work with pictures, sounds or feelings.

2 “Roots of the Roots”

This is a method that came to me one night as I was treating something (that I now forget!) and was aware that there was a bit left over that just wasn’t moving. As I was pondering what it was about, the following words just came to me “And treat the roots of that, and the roots of the roots, and the roots of the roots of the roots, all the way back through my life, through my birth, through my time in the womb, and even before. Treat all of that.” Followed by my command word. As I finished speaking the words I felt a strong physical sensation swirling down my body and seemingly out through my toes and


130

I knew with certainty that now the issue was “done”. A dramatic change in internal state can result in this or other types of physical sensation.

3 Millions We know that the unconscious mind can process 2 million bits of information each

second, so it is probably child’s play for our unconscious mind to run BSFF a few million times! On many occasions we have greatly cut down on the time involved to process through problems by simply saying “Unconscious mind, treat that 50 million times and I mean it!” followed by, of course, our command word.

4 Calling in the Big Guns Most of us have some concept for “something” that is “more than” us and maybe which

even includes us at the same time. For some people that is Higher Self, whilst others may have: God, Jesus, Universe, Spirit, Wisdom, Life, etc. Even if we don’t, we can test whether our unconscious mind has this concept and will co-operate with us.

State and treat the statement: “My unconscious mind totally, permanently and immediately obeys my Higher Self (or whatever term you prefer).” Make sure you get a sound “truth” feeling physically and emotionally in response to this statement. i) Make the command “Higher self, now command my unconscious mind to heal,

eliminate and release …….. (the problem) and to do that immediately, totally, comprehensively, permanently, gracefully, safely and joyfully.” Some time after I developed this approach, I added in elements of time and space which certainly seem to make a difference, perhaps because they deepen trance, or perhaps because they increase the complexity of the metaphorical representation of change.

ii) State and treat: “My unconscious mind has received that command.” and “My

unconscious mind has obeyed that command absolutely.”

This “Higher Self” Method seems to allow faster, more comprehensive progress through an issue. Remember that whether or not we’re talking about “reality” here, if you have any unconscious beliefs running about these types of “entities” then it’s certainly possible to make use of that to achieve positive change! Your unconscious mind is incredibly co-operative in that way. What are we doing here? Well for one thing we are not moving into la-la land and no-one should mistake this work for new-age snake oil. We are merely using metaphor, hypnotic language and hypnotic concepts to achieve a particular outcome.

Warning! Be very careful before attempting to rush through an issue which seems slow or “sticky” or “blocked”. The experience of sudden or dramatic change, even though highly positive, can be exceedingly distressing. To push ourselves in that way is tantamount to self abuse.


131

Warning 2! Although the only “test” of our work that really matters is the “reality test”, you should never, ever, risk testing things such as food or other allergies except under the direct supervision of a doctor or other medical specialist. It is a bit late to discover the process is incomplete when you are dead! Retrospective BSFF! A further development of Dr Nims (September 1999) has been a retrospective form of BSFF. With great success, he has taught clients to direct their subconscious minds to go back and apply the whole BSFF protocol to every single problem they have ever been treated or counselled for, or have ever tried self-help with, or have ever attended to in any way (even without consciously remembering what these problems may have been!). You can do this with your own subconscious mind merely by ordering it to do so.

Sleight of Mouth Sleight of Mouth is possibly the most fun thing to learn in NLP, and we only have one rule when it comes to learning Sleight of Mouth: Have Fun With It! The more you enjoy learning SOM, the more rapidly and powerfully you’ll be able to put it to use in day to day life! Here’s the theory: We start with a complex equivalence, eg “Looking that way means you’re angry.” This can be expressed as: X = Y To “rattle the slots” of this belief in the speaker’s mind we can flexibly fry it in many ways ☺ 1 Reframe Y

I’m not angry – I’m thoughtful I’m not angry – I’m distracted I’m not angry – I’m just trying to concentrate

2 Reframe X

I’m not looking that way, I’m trying to find my wallet.” I’m not looking that way, I’m looking this way.” I’m not looking that way, I was nearly asleep.” 3 Chunk down X or Y

What specifically is that look?


132

What do you mean, angry?

4 Chunk sideways (anther x or another y) (These are counter-examples) No, when I shout, that means I’m angry. (other x) That look means I’m concentrating. (other y) 5 Chunk up (Exaggerate, eg, Universal Quantifier, Modal Operator of Necessity) So everyone who likes like that is angry? Looking like that always means anger? 6 Consequence If you keep believing that you’re going to make it very difficult for us to have an honest

relationship. 7 Intent Your bringing this up must mean you care a great deal about our relationship.

My intent was to express my feelings honestly in order to build trust in our relationship. 8 Apply to X You’ve got that look yourself! 9 Apply to Y Only an angry person could say that! 10 Hierarchy of Criteria Isn’t it more important to be genuine than to worry about the look on my face? What’s more important to you, how a person looks, or what a person does? 11 Change Temporal Frame

Twenty-five years from now, do you think that will really matter? 12 Changed Context

Would that look mean I was angry if I were worrying over a problem?


133

13 Model of the World

Who says? According to whom?

14 Reality Strategy

How do you know that look means I’m angry? 15 Meta Frame

You’re only saying that to try to take control of me. This is really about improving our communication, isn’t it?

16 Other Outcomes The issue here isn’t whether I had a certain look or whether I was angry; this is about

whether we can have a genuine relationship where we’re both free to be honest with each other.

17 Metaphor I once knew a man who was always misunderstood by his family. He had a habit of

grinding his teeth and his family thought he was showing irritation towards them. 18 The Big Outframe

This has nothing to do with anger, or looking a certain way, this is about world peace.

Exercise 53 – In groups, share your Sleight of Mouth patterns by applying the 18 patterns to the following Complex Equivalences (some may not quite fit, but try them on anyway ☺☺☺☺ ). Saying mean things means you’re a bad person. Being late means you don’t care.


134

Recommended References We hope you’ve enjoyed our NLP Practitioner Training, including NeuroStim, and that you feel inspired to move on now and master these powerful skills and attitudes you have started to bring into your life. There are so many wonderful NLP resources, from fantastic internet chat groups, to professional journals, to books and tapes, to study groups, to live training. If you’ve been able to discover anything at all from your time with us, it’s that using these skills will transform your life and the lives of those you love. Please continue to learn and grow at warp speed, having more joy and more fun than you dreamed possible! The Internet The internet is a wonderful resource and there are many fine sites. Here are several great starting places: Lifeworks: www.lifeworks-group.com.au Jonathan Altfeld: www.altfeld.com/mastery/index.html Richard Bandler: www.NLP-DHE.com Rex Sikes: http://www.idea-seminars.com John & Kathleen La Valle: www.purenlp.com Steve & Connirae Andreas: www.nlpcomprehensive.com WeightChoice: www.weightchoice.com.au Speed Business Networking www.speedbusinessnetworking.com Magazines and Journals Anchorpoint: See www.nlpanchorpoint.com Recommended Books Take Your Team to the Top! How to Double Your Sales in 30 Days! Sutherland, Christine Beat Cravings, Lose Weight!, Sutherland, Christine NLP in 21 Days, Harry Alder and Beryl Heather Heart of the Mind, Connirae Andreas and Steve Andreas Time for a Change, Richard Bandler Insider’s Guide to Sub-Modalities, Richard Bandler and Will MacDonald Time Line Therapy and the Structure of Personality, Tad James and Wyatt Woodsmall Advanced Techniques - An NLP Workbook, Phill Boas with Jane Brooks Virginia Satir - The Patterns of her Magic, Steve Andreas Patterns of the Hypnotic Techniques of Milton H Erickson I & II, Grinder, Delozier, Bandler TRANCE-formations, Grinder and Bandler The New Peoplemaking, Virginia Satir The Psychobiology of Mind-Body Healing, Rossi Prometheus Rising, Wilson


135

Further Training This is just the beginning of your study and use of NLP in order to achieve more productivity, more fun, and more sheer pleasure out of life than you could ever have imagined. Here are some choices you might like to make to continue what you have begun: Master Practitioner Training – Also Available by Distance Learning Consider repeating this program, this time at a higher level of skill development, as a Master Practitioner of NLP. This program also requires you to undertake an off-course project based on your NLP knowledge and skills, mentored by Lifeworks staff. Previous graduates have chosen projects like these:

• A marketing manager for a financial services company had us review their 2-hour public sales presentation and we worked with him to completely rejuvenate that with NLP skills and strategies. For the first time in the history of the company they had people signing up immediately after the presentation, for a program priced from a minimum of $4500!

• An inventor used his project to develop, test and market a device to lower road accidents

through driver inattention.

• A young sportsman put up a modeling project to go from scratch into a corporate coaching role.

• Astra Johnston developed the GaugeWork process and wrote that up as her project.

• A lawyer used her project to model successful share traders.

• A teacher used her project to develop and disseminate an NLP approach to learning.

We especially enjoy working with our Master Practitioner students on projects which directly and dramatically increase their income! Telephone us on 61 8 9246 1977 if you’d like to enquire about Master Practitioner training. Take Your Team to the Top! – Also Available by Distance Learning This is a 4-day training over 4 weeks, monitored daily to ensure you meet your sales goals. To date, based on statistical data collected as an ongoing activity, and despite the fact that some people simply will not use what they’ve learned, the average increase in sales by our graduates is 598%. Telephone us on 61 8 9246 1977 if you’d like to enquire about Take Your Team to the Top!


136

Customised Corporate Training Lifeworks does outcome-oriented corporate training only, and specialises in the areas of: Stress reduction Communication and team building Creative approaches to problem solving Leadership and management Professional Sales If the results can’t be measured in cold, hard figures such as reduced absenteeism, increased productivity, reduced turnover, and increased income, we won’t involve ourselves. Training must get results! Telephone us on 61 8 9246 1977 if you’d like to discuss corporate training. Short Public Courses From time to time Lifeworks runs short public courses on topics like: Public Speaking Stress Goal Acquisition Communication and influence Etc If you’d like to be notified of these, make sure you’re on our mailing list by emailing the office on [email protected] WeightChoice WeightChoice is the only weight loss program in the world which can actually guarantee no weight regain! This is a weight management program based not around dieting (which we ban!) but around discovering and eliminating the conditioned responses around food and exercise (eg emotional or non-hungry eating) and treating those with many of the techniques you’ve learned in this book. WeightChoice also includes up-to-date information on healthy, scientific ways to ramp up your metabolic rate, and advice on healthy food, food portions, and appropriate exercise. Check out www.weightchoice.com.au.

Documents

An NLP Practitioner Certification Manual · Copyright Lifeworks Group – 2005-2008 Phone: 61 8 9246 1977 Email: [email protected] Web: 1