Ascension Parish Schools2009-10

“Good” parents believe that they must control their children

“Good” parents believe that they are superior

A “good” parent also feels entitled “Good parents believe that they must be

perfect “Good” parents believe that they don’t

count

Responsible parents believe that the child can make decisions

They believe that their child is equal and not more or less worthwhile than others

Responsible parents believe in mutual respect

Responsible parents have the courage to be imperfect

They believe that all people are important including themselves

The program begins by teaching the parents that behavior is shaped by its consequences. A great deal of emphasis is placed on helping parents transform their usually global descriptions of their children’s functioning (he’s selfish) into specific behavioral descriptions (he doesn’t share his toys with his brothers)

They are then taught exactly how to pinpoint the specific behaviors that they would like to see their children engage in more frequently and those they would like to see less of. The pinpointing involves not only being specific about observable behaviors but indicating where and when the parent would like to see more or less of them (at bedtime, in the morning, at the dinner table, in the grocery store etc.)

The parents are taught to count and chart behavior so that they will have a record of what is or is not taking place.

Involvement and Contribution(I am interested in cooperating)

Responsibility for My Own Behavior( I can be responsible for my behavior)

Withdrawal from Conflict, Refusal to Fight, and Acceptance of Others Opinions

(I can decide to withdraw from conflict)

Parents are taught how to praise their children

Looking at the child Moving close to the child Saying positive things to the child Praising the child’s behavior and not the

child Being physically affectionate with the child

Moving into action immediately upon recognizing desirable behavior

(Effective Praise)

One of the most important of effective parenting is the use of clear and reasonable family rules. When we use clear and reasonable rules or expectations, we are modeling and teaching respectful behavior.

What are the reasons for the rule?Have we had a meeting or discussion about the Rule?Have we told the child the reasons for the rule?Have we explained the reasons in terms of Either child trustworthiness and growth, or Family togetherness, cooperation and pride?Is the child sure which behaviors the rule refers

to?Does the rule ask too much?

Does it ask from one equally capable child but not from another?

Is the child capable of doing what the rule requires?

Have we given the child consistent positive consequences for following the rule?

Have we given the child consistent corrective consequences for not following the rule?

Have we tried to prevent rule violations by reminding the child of the rule?

Seek other alternatives such as:

Mild Social DisapprovalThe Ignoring MethodThe Time-out MethodThe Point-System MethodChit Chat Time

Mild Social Disapproval Looking at the child Moving close to the child Disapproving facial expression A brief verbal comment Low intensity Non-verbal gesture consistent with

disapproval Immediate delivery

The verbal delivery is to be disapproving but not threatening

(Disapproval of negative behavior)

When all else fails and the child’s behavior exceeds reasonable limits. “It is time for time-out. (from social interaction and attention)

Time out is explained as having to go to a “cooling off” place for a short period of time when the child’s behavior has gone too far.

Parents are instructed to make a rule about how time out is to be used

For example: The parent may have a rule that destroying property automatically earns a child time out. Then when the child breaks the rule, the parents begin and follow through on the time out sequence.

Remain calm State the rule and its consequence Ignore the child’s extraneous verbalizations

and excuses Follow through quickly by initializing the

time out procedure

Soon after the child is removed from time-out, and when he/she is behaving appropriately again, parents are instructed to praise the child to show they still love the child and that they hold no grudges.

The essence of this ignoring skill is that it be used consistently in response to the behaviors that it seeks to reduce

-Looking away from the child-Moving away from the child-Neutral facial expression-ignoring the child’s verbalizations-ignoring immediately upon noticing misbehaviors

This system consists of having the child earn points, stars or tokens for engaging in specified desirable behaviors. The child turns these in for various tangible rewards and/or special privileges. The rewards or privileges are chosen from a Reward Menu which is negotiated cooperatively by the parent and the child.

Defining desirable behavior Counting the target behavior Creating the reward menu Establishing the exchange ratio Charting the behavior Praise for positive behavior changes Program adjustment Phasing out the program

Parents are given weekly homework assignments, including behavior-change projects.

Thought Provoking Parent Activities

Are we allowing our children to take care of their own nutritional well-being? Are we that

busy?

Parents are reminded to be aware of what their children are watching on TV and the internet.

CHILDREN ARE THE REWARD OF LIFE HE WHO LEARNS TEACHES WHEN THE HEART OVERFLOWS IT COMES OUT

THROUGH THE MOUTH IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD NOT TO KNOW IS BAD; NOT TO WISH TO KNOW IS

WORST A SHEPHARD DOES NOT STRIKE HIS SHEEP WISDOM DOES NOT COME OVERNIGHT LITTLE IS BETTER THAN NOTHING A SINGLE BRACELET DOES NOT JINGLE

Kathy Edmonston-Parent FacilitatorShirley Christopher-IEP Facilitator