Banbury Utd Spencer 2012/2013

Banbury United

Spencer

Under 9

2012 - 2013 Season

MEET THE TEAM

Banbury United Spencer

Under 9

2012 - 2013 Season

CharlieBlee

POSITION: keeper

NICKNAME: Charlie

JamesColes

POSITION: Defender

NICKNAME: COLESy

GaryBlee

POSITION: Coach

NICKNAME: Gaz

Kevin Brand

POSITION: Manager

NICKNAME: Brandy

MatthewKnight

POSITION: Defender

NICKNAME: Knighty

MitchellShirley

POSITION: Defender

NICKNAME: Shirl

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Banbury United Spencer U9: 2012-2013 Season

CHARLIEMACDONALD

POSITION: FORWARD

NICKNAME: DIB DAB

TRISTANCLIFTON

POSITION: FORWARD

NICKNAME: TRIS

ThomasReam

POSITION: WIDE LEFT

NICKNAME: T BAG

JACOBBRAND

POSITION: midfield

NICKNAME: Jake

CALLUMBRAND

POSITION: MIDFIELD

NICKNAME: NIJINSKY

JAMESOXLEY

POSITION: WIDE RIGHT

NICKNAME: JINKEY

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Fixtures / Results

Banbury United Spencer

Under 9

2012 - 2013 Season

Date Opponents Score Result Competition

08 SEPT 2012 BICESTER TOWN COLTS 0-5 W W&DYF LEAGUE

15 SEPT 2012 BRACKLEY ATHLETIC 1-1 D W&DYF LEAGUE

22 SEPT 2012 CHADLINGTON 1-1 D W&DYF LEAGUE

29 SEPT 2012 HOOK NORTON 1-1 D W&DYF LEAGUE

06 OCT 2012 KINGSTON COLTS 3-1 L W&DYF LEAGUE

12 OCT 2012 MARSH GIBBON 0-6 W KNOCK-OUT CUP [2R]

20 OCT 2012 LAUNTON SPORTS 4-2 W W&DYF LEAGUE

10 NOV 2012 TOWER HILL STARS 4-1 L W&DYF LEAGUE

17 NOV 2012 YARNTON BLUES 5-2 W W&DYF LEAGUE

01 DEC 2012 BANBURY UNITED PURITANS 1-1 W KNOCK-OUT CUP [3R]

08 DEC 2012 BICESTER TOWN COLTS 8-0 W W&DYF LEAGUE

15 DEC 2012 BRACKLEY ATHLETIC 1-0 L W&DYF LEAGUE

05 JAN 2013 CHADLINGTON 4-0 W W&DYF LEAGUE

12 JAN 2013 HOOK NORTON 2-3 W W&DYF LEAGUE

19 JAN 2013 MORETON RANGERS 0-0 L KNOCK-OUT CUP [QF]

09 FEB 2013 YARNTON BLUES 1-2 W W&DYF LEAGUE

23 FEB 2013 KINGSTON COLTS 1-1 D W&DYF LEAGUE

02 MAR 2013 TOWER HILL STARS 2-0 W W&DYF LEAGUE

09 MAR 2013 LAUNTON BOYS 2-5 W W&DYF LEAGUE


League Table

Kingston Colts 16 12 3 1 39

Banbury United Spencer 16 9 4 3 31

Tower Hill Stars 16 10 1 5 31

Hook Norton 16 7 6 3 27

Brackley Athletic 16 7 4 5 25

Chadlington 16 6 2 8 20

Launton Boys 16 5 2 9 17

Yarnton Blues 16 4 2 10 14

Bicester Town Colts 16 0 0 16 0

Banbury Utd Spencer and tower

hill stars finished joint runners up

P W D L PTS

WITNEY AND district youth football – blue league

Despite the score, the only real negative to be taken

from the day was that after traveling far enough to

qualify for Duty Frees, the bacon rolls on offer were

nothing short of scandalous. Dry rolls and burnt bacon.

And they didn't come cheap.

Utd made a couple of changes from their midweek

Champions League win at Borrusia Monchengladbach,

reverting to their favoured pencil formation.

Banbury started the brighter of the two sides and

created a couple of excellent opportunities early on

that Thomas Ream and then Charlie Macdonald

couldn’t quite capitalise on.

Following injury to Jacob Brand, Tower Hill gradually

worked their way back into the game and as the half

wore on began to dictate the play without putting any

real pressure on Charlie Blee’s goal. This however was to

change 5 minutes before the break.

A Tower Hill corner routine failed to work and as the ball

bobbled around the box, some great vision by the

opposition’s Daniel Lovick played in a late run at the far

post and the ball was dispatched into the back of Utd’s

net.

Within a couple of minutes the lead was doubled. Good

work from Matthew Knight on the right flank kept Utd

possession, but excellent closing from the opposition’s

front pair made life difficult for Charlie Blee.

On working the ball out to James Coles, what appeared

to be a foul went unpunished and with the ball

breaking loose into the midfield void, Lovick again

showed great vision, floating the ball into the net via

the underside of the bar from 25 yards.

The Second half started brightly again for Utd and after

a beautiful passing move involving Matt Knight,

Mitchell Shirley, James Coles and Thomas Ream that

split the Tower Hill defence in two, Charlie Maconald

was unlucky not to convert a move that really did

deserve more.

After another long spell of pressure however, Utd were

An unflattering scoreline does no justice to what was a great performance by the boys ona boggy Burford Road pitch. Travelling to top of the league Tower Hill Stars was alwaysgoing to be a tough fixture, but it was one they can come away from with a lot to bepleased about.

Boys Defeated but Well Worthy of a PointBacon rolls the worst we've ever tasted complain the fans...

Saturday 10 November 2012

TOWER HILL STARS 4 - 1 BANBURY UTD SPENCER

finally rewarded. A corner from the right was floatedtowards the far post and met by an incoming JacobBrand, cannoning into the roof of the net through atouch off a defenders knee.

However, brief hope of a comeback was dismissed in atwo minute spell midway through the half. Theexcellent Lovick made the most of not being closeddown 20 yards out and rifled a right footed shot intothe top right hand corner.

His hat trick was completed two minutes later withanother rocket, again into the top right hand corner. Itwas nothing more than well deserved for a playershowing touch, technique and vision well beyond hisyears.

Utd continued to play nice, neat football throughoutthe rest of the game but struggled to carve out anyclear chances against a resolute defence.

The second game was once again a tight affair withboth sides struggling to get on top.

Tower Hill went in front when a long hoof from thekeeper found the Utd defence AWOL and the onrushingforward prodded the ball past the isolated Macdonaldin goal.

Mitchell Shirley levelled for Utd with a neat finish midway through the second half and despite a handful ofgood stops by replacement keeper Jacob Brand, Utdwill feel that they eventually carved out enoughchances to of won the game.

Manager Kevin Brand commented after the game“Things are starting to shape up nicely. Callum hassuddenly started doing Cruyff turns, West Ham aresitting pretty and I’m being allowed to use the newestlorry at work on Monday” Head coach Gary Blee wasunavailable for comment as he was busy polishing hisnew boots.


As was widely reported in the press, Food Giant andWDYFL’s main catering partner Bertie’s Bestest Bacon Bits &Bites had taken offence to comments made by Knight andwas looking to sue for the princely sum of £42.67p.

With the club giving Knight their full backing, today’smatch gave the lads a chance to forget the off-fielddistractions and focus was swiftly shifted to moreimportant matters as the game got underway.

Utd, unchanged from last week’s encouragingperformance at Tower Hill were once again out of theblocks like a gazelle on speed. Taking every opportunity topass the ball around their opponents, Utd were lookingthreatening and created several chances that once againthey failed to take.

Matthew Knight and James Coles were looking assured atthe back, handling Yarnton’s sporadic counter attacks withease. But, just as the home fans started to wonder whetherthe missed chances might come back to haunt them,disaster struck.

A clumsy challenge from Jacob Brand just outside the boxinitially went unpunished, only for the referee to committhe cardinal sin. Upon listening to appeals from the bench,he changed his mind and awarded a free kick.Unfortunately for the lads, the appeals were from the Utdbench and it just goes to prove John Motson wrong whenhe says, “don’t argue with the ref, he won’t change hismind”.

As the incoming free kick sailed over the wall, Charlie Blee

leapt like a salmon, beating the ball away to his right. In theensuing tangle, Utd failed to clear their lines and the ballwas eventually bundled across the line for a goal that cameagainst the run of play.

Almost immediately from kick-off, Utd were level. MatthewKnight produced a superb piece of improvisation with athrow in routine that he’d obviously been practising in thegarden. This led to some neat build up play that eventuallyfound Thomas Ream in space, his through ball was expertlyshifted out of his feet by pocket dynamo CharlieMacdonald and duly dispatched past the Yarnton keeper.

Shortly before the interval, Utd were again rewarded fortheir free-flowing picture perfect passing. The balleventually making its way to Thomas Ream on the half wayline and he angled a beautiful ball to Mitchell Shirley on theopposite wing. After a couple of deflections and even morebobbles, Shirley collected the ball, drove towards thepenalty area and smashed the ball into the back of the net.

The second half followed the same pattern as the first, withUtd knocking the ball around nicely, happy to play the ballfrom the back, but mixed their game well when required.More Utd pressure forced a succession of corners andwhen Thomas Ream and Mitchell Shirley worked a shortone, the Yarnton defence were caught knapping, allowingShirley to rifle a right footed shot through the YarntonKeeper’s hands into the top right hand corner.

Just minutes later, Shirley found himself in a similarposition and again beat the keeper with aplomb for hishat-trick. It was well deserved by Shirley, who’d had a torrid

5 Star Spencer giveYarnton the BluesHat-trick hero Shirley stakes claim for two packs of Match Attax

All the talk before the game surrounded court action being taken against club presssecretary Paul Knight regarding defamatory comments on the state of catering amenitiesafforded to travelling supporters at last weeks away trip to Tower Hill.

BANBURY UTD SPENCER 5 - 2 YARNTON BLUES

Saturday 17 November 2012

end to his week after discovering his father was flashed aton Wednesday. The joy was clear to see as he celebratedwildly with his team mates – whilst the share-price atMatch Attax rocketed as traders anticipated a busyweekend for retailers – these boys sure know how tocelebrate...

As the home fans began to celebrate with chants of “wewant more” the result was thrown into doubt as MatthewKnight, who’d ironically been watching Uptown WithScooby-Doo and The Harlem Globetrotters the nightbefore, decided to try a bit of basketball freestyling in theUtd box. The resulting penalty was smashed into the backof Charlie Blee’s goal.

As the away fans suddenly sniffed blood, the withdrawal ofCharlie Macdonald for James Oxley did nothing to helptheir cause. The tricky little winger, affectionatelynicknamed “Jinky Joxley” by the home-side faithful wasstraight into the thick of the action and it was a piece of hiswing-wizardry that carved open the opening for ThomasReam to wrap up the game.

After a mazy run by “Jinky”, the ball fell to Ream’s feet a full18 inches outside the box, and with the home fansshouting for him to unleash one of his trademark fence-busters, he duly obliged with an angled effort that left theYarnton keeper “stranded”

The final whistle couldn’t come soon enough for a wearylooking Yarnton side, who knew they’d been well and trulybeaten.

Again, the second game was a close fought affair. Theintroduction of Callum Brand and Tristan Clifton added adifferent dimension to Utd’s style, and again Yarnton foundit hard to deal with. Brand was pulling the strings inmidfield, Yarnton struggling to cope with his mazy runsand ball trickery. The shouts of OLE that accompanied hisevery touch must’ve been music to the ears of a playerlooking full of confidence. I can only wonder as to whenthe management team make the obvious move and painta number 1 in front of the number 4 that currently adornshis shirt.

Great work by Oxley on the right led to a couple of goals,finished neatly by both centre backs and a neat header byYarnton’s right back made it a hat-trick of own goals. Jinkeyhas referred the two opening goals to the dubious goalspanel. They’re due to sit on Wednesday and we’ll keep youinformed through the website of their decision.

Matthew Knight produced a couple of world class savesthat kept Yarnton at bay and Clifton got on the score sheetwith a tidy finish and nearly doubled his tally with a volley –the last kick of the game – after some great work by JinkyJoxley on the right.

Head coach, Gary Blee couldn’t hide his disappointmentwith the referees performance on the final Whistle. “It was agreat performance from the lads today, brilliant football,I’m over the moon. But what the hell the ref was doing fortheir first, I’ve no Idea... All I did was shout and he listened...Kev never listens to me... ever – very disappointed. He’s offmy Christmas card list – that’s for sure”


BANBURY UTD SPENCER 1 - 1 BANBURY UTD PURITANS

[2-2 AET Spencer won 5-2 on Penalties]

Saturday 01 December 2012

While the lads went through their pre-match routines

looking tanned and relaxed, the out of pocket parents

found it hard to hide their dissatisfaction at having to

shell out for the trip in the middle of a busy Christmas

schedule.

One parent could clearly be heard airing his views on the

fact that he couldn’t even afford a cup of coffee to thaw

out his fingers as all of his money had been frittered away

on sun cream, ice cream and duty frees.

However, Portugal’s wonderfully ambient temperatures

must of seemed a million miles away for the players as the

game got underway. On a semi-frozen and bobbly pitch,

most looked like they were still on the beach as, direct from

kick off The Puritans mounted a raid on goal and it so very

nearly came to fruition.

It took great awareness from Charlie Blee in the Spencer

goal to spot the danger and he just managed to reach

the ball before the on-rushing forward.

Puritan’s sharp, direct style would go on to trouble

Spencer for the rest of the tie, and with great

movement pulling Matthew Knight and James Coles all

over the park, it seemed only a matter of time before

Puritan’s would break the deadlock.

Spencer’s usual fluid passing seemed to be having little

affect as they struggled with the pitch and a resolute

defence and it was well against the run of play that they

suddenly found themselves a goal to the good.

Neat movement between Jacob Brand and Mitchell

Shirley put Charlie Macdonald through on goal. As a

couple of challenges came in, Macdonald somehow

eluded them, only to miss-hit his shot, however the

bounce of the ball was kind and it somehow found its

way into the Puritans net.

The Puritans pilled on the pressure in the second half

and they eventually got their reward. Despite appeals

from the away fans, Puritans were rightly awarded a

corner and as the ball was swung in, Matthew Dollochin

was there to thump in an unstoppable header. Game

on.

The remainder of the second half followed a similar

pattern, with Spencer restricted to pot-shots from well

outside the area, and Puritans looking to hit them on

Spencer ScrapeThrough in Cup ThrillerBrand and Blee “over the moon”

The management's controversial decision to take the lads away to Portugal for 3 days inthe build up to this morning’s long awaited and much anticipated Under 9 local derbyagainst Banbury Puritans was the topic on everybody’s lips.

the counter with a quick, directed ball in ‘round the

corner.

Puritans were looking dangerous and it was taking

some desperate defending to keep them at bay. But, in

the end, neither side could manage to gain the

advantage and it was into extra-time for both teams.

As Spencer continued to do nothing more than shoot

from distance in frustration, it was more good fortune

that led to their second goal.

A long range Mitchell Shirley shot was blocked and fell

kindly for Jacob Brand, who managed to get a toe on

the ball and poke it into the back of the net.

With minutes remaining it seemed as though Spencer

would hold on for victory, but once again Puritans

showed their dogged determination and spirit and

worked a goal from yet another corner. A crisp finish that

Charlie Blee had no hope of stopping.

Off to penalties we went and with neither side

deserving to lose, it was a couple of lightning fast,

instinctive saves from Charlie Blee that managed to

carry Spencer past the post, eventually winning theshoot-out 5-2.

The second game took a while to get going due to thereplacement players all looking a little frozen and anyremaining players from the original game looking alittle tired.

Again, Tristan, Callum and Jinky Joxley showed someneat touches, but the game eventually petered out intoa 0-0 draw.

Manager Kevin Brand commented "We're absolutelyover the moon - couldn't be happier. Me and Gaz aregonna go out for a right royal knees up. Hope they'vegot a Joanna in the rub-a-dub..."

As I look out across the back of the press box, I can seethe lads warming down in the distance. Sod that – I’moff home to warm up – I can’t feel my feet and mytongue has well and truly frozen to the inside of mycheek...


BANBURY UTD SPENCER 8 - 0 Bicester Town Colts


The only bad news leading into the game was the loss of

influential play-maker Thomas Ream, who managed to

gash his head open at the players’ party late on Thursday

night.

Although initial reports were a little sketchy, an official

club statement apportioned the blame to an

overzealous pull on a Christmas cracker.

In a seasoned frenzy to acquire himself a curly fortune

telling fish, Ream apparently slipped backwards and

smashed his head on the corner of the bar.

This appeared to be backed up when he was spotted at

the Primary School Christmas Fair just 24 hours later

wearing a cycling helmet. He was seen casually pulling

crackers before clearing out the tombola, taking three

bottles of fizzy pop and half a bottle of Gordons’ for his

20p stake.

New signing Jinkey Joxley was drafted in to cover Ream,

with Mitchell Shirley moving out left to accommodate.

Oxley himself had been a doubt all week after going

down with a suspected case of BoyFlu but had managed

to shake it off in time to attend the school fair.

The early kick off once again led to a slightly crispy

surface, but with their confidence growing week on

week, this was never going to be enough to contain the

lad’s even crisper passing.

Once again Utd knocked the ball around admirably, and

within 5 minutes, good work from Matthew Knight

found James Coles and his exquisite pass split open the

Bicester defence to release Charlie Macdonald.

Big Mac, who has been in superb form over the last

month, drew the keeper and expertly drilled the ball

beyond him and into the waiting net.

This was to set the pattern of play for the rest of the

match. Charlie Blee found himself with little to do as Utd

forced the issue and Matthew Knight and James Coles

were looking comfortable at the back and dealt with

anything that Bicester could muster.

The majority of play was coming down the left flank,

with good interplay between Jacob Brand and Mitchell

Shirley constantly opening up the Bicester defence, and

Macdonald FriesBicester in 8 Goal Rout4 Goal Hero Big Mac – “I’m lovin it”

There was an air of anticipation ringing around the ground before the last home gameprior to the Christmas break as the lads took on a Bicester side who found themselvesbottom of the table.

it was this combination, coupled with Macdonald’s

sublime movement that led to an easy hat-trick for

Macdonald before half time.

The second half continued in the same pattern, and with

Charlie Blee resigned to keeping himself warm by

reciting his Christmas list and singing a selection of his

favourite Christmas songs, it wasn’t long before the

whole South Bank were joining in his Christmas cheer.

As Blee’s dulcet tones belted out yet another rendition

of Slade’s Merry Christmas Everybody, Macdonald

bagged his fourth and further goals by James Oxley,

Jacob Brand and Mitchell Shirley rounded off what was a

magnificent performance and a fitting start to this year’s

festivities.

In fact there was even time for cameo appearances from

Callum Brand and Tristan Clifton and the only thing

stopping this being right up there with an Eastenders

Christmas Day Special was a family feud and a sprinkling

of snow.

Again, all the lads had a good run out in the second

game, resulting in another resounding win. Goals

coming from Mitchell Shirley, Matthew Knight (2),

Tristan Clifton and a long range effort from Charlie Blee.

Blee put in an inspired performance from Midfield

throughout and was at the centre of everything Utd did,

while Knight was unlucky not to get his hat-trick,

smashing a header against the bar from just inside the

box.

On manager Kevin Brand’s absence, head Coach Gary

Blee said “It’s nothing to worry about. Kev put in a really

long shift on the Victorian Market in Old Banbury Town

last night.

He’s taken a couple of days off the lorries to work the

Market over the Xmas period as the money that he takes

far outstrips what he earns on the road. And he doesn’t

have to buy diesel”

Banbury Police’s statement that a band of Dickensian

Cockney characters sporting Banbury Utd branded

fingerless gloves had been spotted pick-pocketing

throughout the week has since been labelled “farcical”

by the club...


Brackley Athletic 1 - 0 BANBURY UTD SPENCER


In a hastily assembled press statement, the club movedquickly to re-assure fans that Brand (46) had in fact beeninvolved in a motor vehicle collision.

Brand, having taken evasive action in narrowly missing alate signalling transit van, was not so lucky and his lorrywas then shunted from the rear by a car, which in turnwas hit by a postal van.

Shawn Macdonald, editor of Spencer’s fanzine “Let’s BeFrank” commented “Phew – he had us worried for amoment. He hadn’t been himself after having his (lorry)route switched from Portsmouth docks, so we weren’tsure at first whether it may of been a cry for help. As ithappens, it was only a crash – so good news all round... ”

Off field matters though, were clearly playing on thelads minds. Within minutes of the start it seemedapparent that the lads weren’t at the races and as a big,athletic Brackley side stifled the lads usual crisp passing,Spencer started to struggle.

For the first time this year, they lacked shape andpenetration. Jacob Brand battled well in centralmidfield, but was being over-run by Brackley’s midfieldtrio, whilst Mitchell Shirley and Thomas Ream were

struggling to provide any support up front and wereconstantly taking rear guard action.

Charlie Macdonald was ploughing a lone furrow upfront and with little support from his team mates lookedmore and more isolated as the half wore on.

For the first time this season, James Coles and MatthewKnight were looking under pressure at the back and if ithadn’t been for a couple of smart pieces of keeping fromCharlie Blee in the Spencer goal - including a superbpiece of anticipation and a smart block whenconfronted with a one on one – The lads could well ofgone in a couple of goals down at the break.

However – something happened at the half timeinterval – something that could of been miraculous, butwasn’t. In the second half the lads suddenly startedplaying out the Nativity. Charlie Macdonald took centrestage as the Christmas star, isolated up front, alone butshining brightly.

Midfield trio Mitchell Shirley, Jacob Brand and ThomasReam played shepherds – with some style –wanderingaround aimlessly looking for their sheep.

Virgin on the Ridiculousin The Naivety PlayChristmas Comes Early for Brackley as Spencer Slip

Another hectic seven days, has seen more off field troubles overshadow recent goodwork on the pitch. The club acted swiftly midweek to down-play news that teammanager Kevin Brand had had his back doors smashed-in in a lay-by just south ofKettering.

And at the back it was the three Kings. James Coles,Matthew Knight and Charlie Blee. Together theybrought gifts and together they gifted Brackley a goal.Weak defending led to a hopeful pot shot from outsidethe box which Blee uncharacteristically let squirmthrough his grasp. In all fairness the ball did take ahorrible bounce right in front of the unfortunate keeper.A true Christmas gift all the same.

Unconfirmed reports claim that manager Brand at thispoint exclaimed “Jesus”... something we don’t condone,but hey, it fits in well with the story.

As the final whistle blew and the curtain dropped on thelads final performance before an extended break, onecouldn’t help but think that maybe next week’s visitfrom the Big Guy had had a detrimental effect on thelads today.

They all looked a little tired, a little under-whelmed andready for a well deserved winter break that the Pro’s canonly dream of.

The second game saw a much better performanceagainst a much weakened Brackley side. The lads foundit easier to play their passing game and were soon

deservedly in front through a smart finish from JamesOxley, rifling the ball into the top right hand corner fromjust inside the box.

A resounding finish from Tristan Clifton when he foundhimself one on one after a superb through ball fromCharlie Blee made it 2-0 at half time.

Brackley tried to get themselves back into the game andmanaged to get a goal back, before a Third from JacobBrand sealed the game for Utd. Again it followed asuperb run and very clever pass from Charlie Blee.

Manager Kevin Brand said “It’s been a tough week andthe lads looked a little jaded today. However, onreflection it’s been a great year, the boys have improvedand on their day, play as good a football as we’ve seenfrom any team we’ve seen – if not better. Hopefullythey’ll all have a nice break and have a great Christmas.I’m sure the Big Guy will bring them everything theywished for and we’ll see them all in the New Year, raringto go”

Have a great Christmas everyone – see you in the NewYear.


BANBURY UTD SPENCER 4 - 0 Chadlington

Saturday 05 January 2013

The pair were snapped getting sweaty at an exclusive

club on January 1st and blatantly risked serious injury

as they ignored club officials by doing it “Gangnam

Style” well in to the early hours.

Both players refused to comment on the allegations,

but Macdonald appeared to take an underhand swipe

at manager Kevin Brand’s handling of the saga when he

moon-walked out of yesterday morning’s press

conference.

However, the pocket rocket let his magic boots do the

real talking on the pitch this morning in front of

another huge crowd at Bog Park. In keeping with the

famous old ground’s name, conditions underfoot were...

well, boggy and the lads struggled at times to move the

ball around. Occasionally though, Spencer broke into

something that resembled their trademark passing

game.

Although the lads were having the better of the first

half, Chadlington were proving to be a tough cookie to

crack and the home fans were again showing signs of

anxiety when suddenly Macdonald provided a carrot at

the end of the tunnel.

A perfectly executed through-ball from Thomas Ream

split the Chadlington defence in two and Macdonald

raced onto the end of pass before expertly slotting

home with help from the left upright.

The second half saw more continued pressure from Utd

with Matthew Knight and James Coles at the back

having a very quiet morning. Charlie Blee in goal only

had one real piece of action to deal with, bravely saving

at the feet of the useful Chadlington No. 10 on a rare

excursion forward.

In midfield, Jacob Brand seemed to be everywhere on

the pitch and the stats at the end of the game revealed

that he tackled every Chadlington player forty-seven

times.

Eight minutes into the second half, Brand layed a

Champagne Charliedestroys ChadlingtonMacdonald Hat-Trick Silences Critics.

Spencer’s enigmatic striker Charlie Macdonald scored a stunning hat-trick this morning tosilence his doubters and fiercest critics. Macdonald, along with defender Matthew Knight, hadearlier been fined two week’s pocket money and a Curly Wurley after being spotted outpartying ‘till well past midnight only days before this morning’s crunch clash with Chadlington.

beautifully weighted 30 yard pass for Macdonald toagain latch onto and dispatch into the net. Great ball,great goal.

Mitchel Shirley and Thomas Ream were providing allsorts of problems for Chadligton down both flanks andit was good work between the pair that allowed Reamto unleash another of his famous fence-busters. It’sincredible how much power is generated from suchlittle back-lift and as the ball rifled towards the top rightcorner flag, it took a massive deflection past theunfortunate Chadlington ‘keeper to make it 3-0.

James Oxley, on for the ever reliable Mitchel Shirley,provided more trademark wing-wizardry late on. With amazy run that had 3 defenders on the back foot, Jinkeyhit the byline before sending in a searing cross that theexcellent Chadlington keeper found too hot to handle.Macdonald wasted no time in tucking the ball into thebottom corner from the ensuing scramble, to cap whathas been quite a crazy week for the young maestro.

There was nearly time for a fifth, as Tristan Clifton, on for

Macdonald who’d departed to rapturous applause fromthe home faithful, was denied at the death by goodwork from the Chadlington defence.

The second game saw more great play throughout fromthe lads. Fan favourite, flamboyant Callum Brandtreated the fans to a selection of skills from his little boxof tricks and Charlie Blee again looked commanding –this time playing from a slightly deeper role.

A comfortable victory, only marred by conceding a goalat the death, despite good work from Matthew Knightand Macdonald in goal.

In his post-match press conference Kevin Brand said“What a great start to the New Year. The end of 2012was a bit tough, what with losing my daily trip toPortsmouth docks and getting shunted in the rear inmy lorry. But now I’ve got some new golf clubs topolish, the lads have won by 4 and Joe Cole hasreturned to the Boleyn. Handsome”.


Hook Norton 2 - 3 BANBURY UTD SPENCER


A superb away turnout of 237 on a freezing cold morning, wasmade even more remarkable due to the fact that the game wasbeing shown live on Sky TV. Punctuated with flurries of snow, theweather did nothing to stop talk on the terraces of Kevin Brandsmidweek outburst.

Despite last week’s victory over Chadlington, Brand was reportedto be upset over his squads general fitness levels and instructedHead Coach Gary Blee to put the boys through a strict fitnessregime. Each player has been issued his own fitness program andin a further attempt to focus the players, girlfriends have beenbanned from both the training ground and attending matchdays.

According to Shaun Macdonald, editor of the Spencer Fanzine“Let’s be Frank” it is the move by Brand banning ALL players fromvisiting the tuck-shop on Thursday and Friday mornings that hasreally upset the lads. Brands own son, Callum is said to bedevastated at the withdrawal of his daily dose of OrangeadeSpangles, whilst James Coles and Matthew Knight both miss outon a pack of pickled onion Monster Munch each. The questionon everyone’s lips however is, “will goal scoring sensation CharlieMacdonald be able to maintain his goal scoring record withouthis daily sherbet dib dab?”

As play got underway, it wouldn’t take long for this question tobe answered.

United, once again reverting to their favoured “pencil” formationcame out of the blocks on fire. Playing down the slope and withthe wind, United were knocking the ball around with greatconfidence. Mitchell Shirley and Thomas Ream were stretchingHooky down the flanks, whilst Jacob Brand was breaking anyHooky possession up in the middle of the park. Macdonald was

getting plenty of service up front but not quite managing to takeadvantage.

That was all to change midway through the half. In a carbon copyof last week’s superb goal against Chadlington, Brand layed asuperb 30 yard ball through the middle that Macdonald wasonto in a flash. Before the Hooky defence could react, Macdonaldhad expertly placed the ball into the bottom corner of the net.

United were looking like scoring at every opportunity, but itwasn’t all one way traffic. Hooky were showing enough in theirapproach play that meant Utd would require a cushion beforehalf time. Hooky’s direct approach looked as though it maycause problems downhill and down-wind in the second half.

That cushion came after 10 minutes. Just as Hooky thought theywere in with a chance at drawing level, a superb late tackle fromMatthew Knight was followed by a lovely pass to Jacob Brand.Brand quickly shifted the ball wide to Mitchell Shirley and hisdriving run had the Hooky defence flapping. As he powered intothe box he unleashed a venomous right footed shot that thekeeper could only parry into the path of a grateful Macdonald,who wasn’t going to miss from just three yards out.

Just before the half time whistle, more continued pressure byUtd led to a free kick some 20 yards out from goal. MitchellShirley was entrusted with the kick, and once again struck apowerful shot over the wall. The ball dipped viciously in front ofthe keeper and bounced wickedly through his defences to make it3-0 and shed some much needed daylight between the two sides.

As late in the half as the third goal came, there was still time foranother assault on the Hooky goal that saw great interplaybetween James Coles, Jacob Brand and the all action Thomas

Utd Triumph to LeaveHooky BitterSpencer Hold Out for Hard Earned Win

A superb away turnout of 237 on a freezing cold morning, was made even moreremarkable due to the fact that the game was being shown live on Sky TV. Punctuatedwith flurries of snow, the weather did nothing to stop talk on the terraces of Kevin Brandsmidweek outburst.

Ream. Ream, was having a blinder and sat the right back on hisbottom before cutting back onto his right foot and swinging in asuperb cross to Macdonald at the far post. Big Mac managed tomake good contact with an audacious volley, but saw his effortfly agonisingly wide of the right hand post.

As the two sides headed for the changing rooms on the half timewhistle, the big question was whether three goals would beenough against an excellent Hooky side who now had theelements in their favour.

Hooky, as expected, started the second half well and put Utdunder immediate pressure. Matthew Knight and James Coleswere coping well however, holding a nice deep line to combatthe slope, wind and Hooky’s pace and Charlie Blee was relativelyquiet in goal despite Hooky’s possession.

Midway through the half, Hooky worked a short corner to theedge of the box. A well hit, but inaccurate shot looked to besailing wide of Blee’s goal, but Mitchell Shirley’s outstretched armwas caught by the ball and the referee had no hesitation inpointing to the spot. The penalty was smashed past Charlie Bleeby Hooky’s lively No.8.

Utd themselves were still managing to mount some excellentcounter attacks, but couldn’t quite put a finishing touch to thefinal pass. But it was at the other end of the pitch however wherethe majority of the action was taking place. Another Hookycorner was fired into the box and with Utd failing to clear the balldespite a couple of opportunities, the ball was eventuallybundled into the back of the net and put the away faithful’snerves on edge.

Could the lads hold on?

Yes. It took, some pretty desperate defending along the way,with brilliant last ditch tackles from Matthew Knight, James Colesand Jacob Brand all contributing, Brand being forced off afterinjuring himself applying one such tackle, but hold on they did.

The relief displayed by the travelling support on the final whistlewas quite evident. Many rushed to the warmth of the clubhouse

to buy a coffee, while others headed for their cars to defrost theirfinger. Supporters Club secretary Paul Shirley claims that his wifedidn’t breathe for the final 5 minutes, so tense was the finale. Hiswife Sian, disputed this claim however, saying that the actualreason she’d turned blue wasn’t excitement but was due to thesevere cold and the fact her snuggly boots were two sizes toosmall.

The second game was another thriller. Wholesale changes weremade to the lineup due to injuries to Mitchell Shirley (stomach),Charlie Macdonald (chest), Jacob Brand (ankle) and James Coles(wrist). In came Tristan Clifton, James Oxley, Callum Brand andCharlie Blee with Matthew Knight reverting to keeper.

Utd had the best of the first half, with a couple of great chancesfalling to Tristan Clifton. However he couldn’t quite manage totake them and an excellent display by Hooky’s stand-in verticallychallenged keeper was keeping Hooky in the game. Totallyagainst the run of play, Hooky took the lead the centre forwardsqueezing the ball through Matthew Knight’s legs as henarrowed the angle.

Hooky were two up 5 minutes into the second half and, now 2down and playing uphill, against the wind it was looking likecurtains for the boys.

The lads showed great determination though. First James Oxleysurged into the box before smashing an angled drive into the farcorner, then Tristan Clifton wriggled to the byline and clipped itpast the keeper at his near post. Victory was secured by CharlieBlee, with a composed finish after a mazy run past the entireHooky team, beating the left back three times in the process.

When questioned after the game, Kevin Brand was over themoon and cited head coach Gary Blee as the catalyst for today’soutstanding performance – especially in defence. “to be fair toGaz – he’s worked really hard on tacking with the boys intraining. I know he puts in a lot of defensive theory developmentwhile he sits with his plates up on his console at work eatingDOHnuts – he’s a right diamond.”


BANBURY UTD SPENCER 0 - 0 Moreton Rangers

[0-0 AET Spencer LOST 2-1 on Penalties]


Filop’s agent Innit Fardemurney refuted claims that hisclient turned down the move after being told that Englishburgers only contained 30% of his much beloved cheval.

And so, for the third January Transfer Window in a row,Brand failed to open his cheque book with the aim ofstrengthening his squad. Brand, renowned throughout thegame for his youth policies was adamant however that newsignings were not the way forward.

Supporters Club chairman Paul Shirley disagreed. “The ladsmay be young but watching them try to get the ball outfrom their feet is like watching a pantomime horse count”

Some good news did came out of the club to cheer up thefans however. After being targeted by both Stoke City andSouthampton, Spencer’s charismatic Keeper Charlie Blee hassigned a new 4 year deal – tying him to the club until 2017.

While the rest of his team mates enjoyed a short 3-daybreak skiing in the Alps, Blee was busy thrashing out a newdeal with the club’s bosses over a frantic 48 hour period atthe back of the Wheatsheaf. The deal is reported to beworth a Curly Wurly and a bag of Lemon Fizz Bombs aweek, plus a new pair of ‘keeper gloves every month andmakes Blee the highest paid keeper in the team.

On a beautiful, but cold winter’s morning, Cup fever hadgripped the club and a buzz of excitement could be felt

about the camp. The club shop had sold a record 12Spencer rosettes and 4 programmes resulting in recordtakings (overtaking last year’s 1st round triumph overArsenal in the Spencer Invitational Shield).

The management team had given the lads a cautionarywarning in their pre-match preparations, aware of an over-confident air that was bubbling below the surface. After all,4 divisions separated the two sides, nothing could gowrong, right?

As the game got underway, it became apparent early onthat Moreton would be no push-overs. The lads never reallygot going at all and struggled to put any cohesive footballtogether.

They struggled to get the ball out from their feet and stringany passes together on a boggy surface and Rangers’ pacedown the flanks was looking threatening on the counterattack.

Although, Utd would prove to be slightly the better teamover the tie, Charlie Blee was forced into several tidy saves,with one in particular showing just why the board had beenkeen for him to sign his contract extension.

Matthew Knight and James Coles definitely knew they’dbeen in a game this week, constantly tracking the mazy off-the-ball runs of the teeny tiny Moreton striker and

Rangers Break UnitedHearts in Cup Exit ShockGiant Killing Leaves Spencer Stunned in Shoot Out Shambles

In the week leading up to this much anticipated Cup Quarter Final, manager Kevin Brand,was once again the centre of attention. Brand was reputedly looking to sign wiry Frenchplaymaker Phillipe Filop. The young protige, whos reputation is growing due to hislightning fast feet and outrageous footwear, failed to agree personal terms at theeleventh hour.

overlapping runs of the pacey Moreton midfield.

Jacob Brand again showed fantastic fighting ability, butstruggled - along with everyone else - to distribute the balleconomically on a difficult, sticky pitch. Even so, he waswinning enough possession to feed Mitchell Shirley andThomas Ream with enough ball to create several excellentopportunities.

Striker Charlie Macdonald was getting no breaks up front -slightly wayward supply and the added pressure of theBristol City scouting team, here to watch their summertarget, took their toll and meant it was going to be one ofthose days for the little pocket dynamo.

As the generally even game drew to its finale, it becameapparent that we were heading for extra time.

This followed much the same pattern with Utd having morepossession yet failing to make clear cut chances andMoreton looking dangerous on the counter. As we enteredthe final five minutes, Utd suddenly started to play.

The Moreton goal was under siege, corner after cornerraining in on the goal. Surely, one chance would drop.

It did.

T Bag. It’s got to be a goallllllll?

Nooooo - Air Shot.

Penalties.

Moreton changed keeper for the shoot-out, electing to puttheir biggest, tallest player in goal in place of their injuredkeeper that had played throughout. His huge frame filled

the goal and he made a couple of smart saves from MitchellShirley and Thomas Ream. Moreton scored their first andCharlie Blee made a routine save from the second.

Matthew Knight stepped up for the third and for somereason elected to take a run up that Bob Willis would’vebeen proud of. As he thundered in, he dragged the ballhorribly wide. It was eventually taken at third slip in apassage of play that was more reminiscent of SteveHarmisson’s howler of a first ball in the 2007 Ashes thananything I’ve ever seen on a football pitch before...

Jacob Brand, bizarrely came in from a similar run up andplaced it neatly in the corner.

James Coles now had to score to take it to sudden-death.Again, he elected to use Knight’s marker for his run up andunfortunately dragged the ball wide of the post too.

Bu99er...

Angry scenes were witnessed after the contest, as boosechoed around the empty seats – fans demanding a refundfor the open top bus tour that had been pencilled in forMay Day.

When questioned on his failure to add to his squad duringthe transfer window, Brand commented: “I’m absolutelygutted, more than anybody, as this now means I’m notgoing to get to drive the bus during the celebrationparade... We have a perfectly good squad that can beatanybody on their day. You geezers must remember we havea young squad and it’s been a young squad for a very longtime and continues to get younger every season, which isgood for the future. ”


Yarnton Blues 1 - 2 BANBURY UTD SPENCER

Saturday 09 February 2013

The speculation had come about after centre back Matthew

Knight and influential left midfielder Thomas Ream had been

spotted roaming the streets of Middleton Cheney late on

Thursday evening. Both were reported to be wearing

unkempt, ragged clothing, sported rather unflattering beards

and were armed with what appeared to be daggers. Reports

that both were dipping bins have yet to be denied.

Fears that Brand had formed an even more violent and

dastardly gang were later laughed off when it transpired that

both players were actually taking part in a music video. In

what was supposed to be a closely guarded secret, the video

expose was made by Shawn Macdonald, editor of the Spencer

fanzine “Let’s be Frank”.

“I was sitting in the back of the Dolphin having a quiet pint”

commented Macdonald “when all of a sudden there was an

almighty commotion. A rather camp guy and his best boy

came into the Chinese and ordered 23 Chicken chop sueys and

a bag of prawn crackers to go... As I investigated further, I

happened across the video set and Callum Brand – dressed as

a tree - trying desperately to eat his meal with some rather

dodgy looking crows sitting on his branches”

Ream, who along with Knight had initially sparked the media

speculation, has recently signed a record contract with Sony

Music and his new band T:Ream release their first single

“Things Can Only Get Better” later this month. The track will be

available on 7” vinyl from all good record shops and will also

be available for digital download.

As T:Ream’s “Things Can Only Get Better” blasted from the PA

at a cold and snowy Yarnton Park, the lads emerged to a

rapturous reception from another huge away following. It was

clear that as head coach Gary Blee put Utd through an

extremely focused warm-up routine that last week’s penalty

shootout heartbreak was well and truly out of the system.

This focus carried into the game as the lads put on a

sensational performance in difficult conditions.

Charlie Blee’s handling could only be described as exceptional.

Any kind of keeping errors in such difficult circumstances

would of been forgivable, but Blees gloves, secured only last

week as part of his contract negotiations, were safe

throughout.

Matthew Knight and James Coles, both put in another tidy

performance at the back. Knight looked commanding in the

air and Coles’ covering gets better by the week. Coles, who’d

taken a flying visit to New York Fashion Week along with James

Oxley on Tuesday morning had obviously had his head turned

by the experience. Amidst the heavy snow that nearly forced

the cancellation of the world famous event, Coles had

2 Goal Ream takes Centre StageRecording Contract for Spencer Star in Showbiz Scoop of the Year

Mid week media speculation that manager Kevin Brand had reformed his victorianesqueband of street urchins was quickly put to bed by Club press officer Paul Knight. Brand,who has only just finished 40 hours community service for masterminding a pick-pocketing troupe that terrorised the Christmas market in Old Banbury Town, was said tobe distraught with the new allegations and vowed to clear his name.

managed to get his hands on a pair of “gants de cuisine” bylegendary French Designer Henri Uwjands. Not onlyfashionable, but practical too...

As Knight and Coles commanded the back, the midfield wereallowed to dictate play in the middle of the park. Jacob Brandagain put in an energetic performance, winning ball after balland the superb Mitchell Shirley was tearing the Yarntonrearguard to pieces. Shirley’s ability in either getting the balldown and taking on his man, or switching play with a 40 yarddiagonal pass was there for all to see as time and again hereleased Ream and Charlie Macdonald.

Coming in at half time, the 0-0 score line did nothing to reflectthe total domination that Utd had shown. The second halffollowed in much the same pattern. Charlie Macdonald’sintelligent runs and assured first touch was pulling the Yarntondefence in all directions, allowing Shirley to pick out Reamwith two magnificent balls for both of the midfielder’s goals.

Two neat finishes capped off the tricky little midfielder’s week.If he can keep a level head and avoid the distractions of girls,drugs and Chinese betting syndicates that will no doubt tempthim, it appears Ream has the world at his feet.

With 5 minutes to go, crowd favourite James Oxley replacedCharlie Macdonald and the flamboyant star didn’t disappoint.Oxley had been quoted in the press as being disillusioned withopposition defenders heavy handed tactics in dealing with hisJinky runs and his flying visit to NYFW along with James Colesobviously paid dividends.

Rumours that Oxley wasn’t wearing any socks were quicklydispelled when reports surfaced stating Oxley had beencollaborating with Japanese design firm ShinSoc and had

managed to return home with a prototype of their newoffering. The new socks are constructed from Graphene andare extremely light and offer excellent protection from kicks.

The new material is so lightweight that it renders itself virtuallyinvisible to the naked eye and the firm are now in the processof integrating the pad into the sock. “Oxley commented” Yeah,the only drawback with the product in its current form is thatyou tend to look half human, half RoboCop. Once the pad isintegrated into the sock it should resolve the problem,although I can deal with the unusual appearance at themoment as they’re so soft on the skin”

As Oxley took up a central position, Yarnton forced a couple ofcorners and eventually forced the ball into the Utd net, theYarnton striker for once eluding Knight and Coles beforesliding the ball under Charlie Blee. However, any fears of aYarnton comeback were laid to rest as Utd once more tookcontrol and ran down the clock until the final whistle.

A superb performance of which the team can be proud.

The second game was also a fantastic performance, CallumBrand joined the fray and demonstrated his growingconfidence on the ball. Twisting this way then that, Brand hadthe Yarnton midfield in knots. Charlie Blee kept theperformance ticking and set up Thomas Ream, who’sspeculative drive from 20 yards beat the keeper with a lovelybit of off-spin.

After the game manager Brand commented “Greatperformance today, which was a great end to yet anotherdifficult week. I suppose that when you’re in such a high profilejob as I am, rumours will follow you around. It doesn’t make itany easier when most of ‘em are true...”


BANBURY UTD SPENCER 1 - 1 Kingston Colts

Saturday 23 February 2013

Apparently, Brand had been pencilled in to cut the ribbon at thenewly re-furbished B&Q store opening on Southam Road at10am Friday morning. This clashed with his weekly media Q&A,which was promptly cancelled. It appears however, that Brandwas dropped by B&Q – the world’s first do-it-yourself store –when representatives of Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen made anapproach late on Thursday evening.

Brand was said to be furious when the store contacted him bymobile phone on Thursday evening as he left the Utd trainingground. One witness was quoted as saying that it was clearBrand was unhappy about the call and although exact detailscouldn’t be heard, the words dandy, long-haired and d’Artagnoncould be heard disappearing long into the night.

Whilst Brand refused to comment further on the matter, his long-time agent, brother Keith was left to face the press. “Kev’sobviously a little disappointed at being snubbed. He felt thatonce Dave Earl had dropped out of the running he was thenatural choice for such a prestigious occasion.” He continued “Asmost people know Kev is very good at do-it-yourself and hasbeen told so many times.”

When questioned on the re-scheduled press conference Brandreplied “Kev’s not really happy that nobody turned up thismorning that’s for sure. But Lawrence is a big draw you know –he’s been on telly and everything.”

Manager Brand was still clearly recovering from the ordeal as hewent into Saturday’s game. He once again elected to go with hispencil formation, but could quite clearly be heard telling theplayers that he didn’t care about the result.

Head coach Gary Blee, fresh off the back of the Brighton HalfMarathon in aid of Click Sargent (Taylor Mitchell’s chosen charity– donate here) looked visibly shocked and immediately tookover refereeing duties. He commented “It’s a big game against atough side. I’m not having him giving any more ludicrousdecisions and costing us goals. We can do it if we B&Q it... nooffence Kev”

As the game got underway on a bobbly pitch caused by anovernight frost, the crowd wondered whether this muchanticipated tie would deliver.

It did.

Spencer looked slightly the stronger of the two sides throughoutthe first half, with Charlie Blee’s handling again exceptional indifficult conditions. Kinston’s lively front pairing were marshalledmagnificently by Matthew Knight, looking stronger by the weekand fresh off the back of a new sponsorship with Red Bull andJames Coles, again showing excellent anticipation and onceagain wearing his “Gants to Cuisine” that he picked up a coupleof weeks ago in New York.

Jacob Brand was winning everything in the middle of the parkand getting good service out to Mitchell Shirley and ThomasReam on the flanks. Both were having excellent halves, but asmuch as Utd dominated, they couldn’t quite manage to breakdown a resilient Kingston defence. Pocket Dynamo CharlieMacdonald was making run after run but a combination of gooddefending and bad luck meant the final ball never really saw himthrough with a clear sight on goal.

Going into the break at 0-0 I’m sure Kingston wouldn’t of

Brand dropped forlong haired dandyManager Brand Distraught at Superstore Re-Opening Snub.

Media coverage during the week has once again focussed on off-field happenings.Manager Kevin Brand had mysteriously cancelled Friday morning’s press conference tothe dismay of the local media. Initially it wasn’t known why, but when the conference wasre-scheduled at the last minute, details behind the episode became clear.

complained if they’d been at least a couple down after neverreally getting into the game.

The second half continued in much the same pattern.

Kingston, for all their endeavour were not putting any realpressure on the Utd rear guard and Jacob Brand was at thecentre of everything positive that Utd achieved. After yet anothertackle in the middle of the park, Brand opened himself up andplayed a lovely ball out wide right to Mitchell Shirley in acres ofspace.

Shirley latched onto the ball and powered towards the Kingstonarea, sending a great ball in the direction of Thomas Ream. Amiss-read in the Kingston defence had the keeper scrambling. Asthe ball bounced free Ream was ideally placed to stroke the ballhome for a much deserved lead.

Kingston were clearly shocked into action by the goal. Theirmidfield for the first time in the game started to get support tothe front two and Utd were forced to soak up pressure for acouple of minutes. With 7 minutes remaining and just when itlooked as though Utd had done enough to weather the storm,disaster struck.

The lad’s constant failure to effectively clear their lines wasapparent again, as a feeble clearance fell to the feet of a Kingstonmidfielder 20 yards out. His neat through ball found their paceywinger who steered the ball home with a classy finish on theangle.

The goal gave Kingston fresh impetus. Charlie Macdonald wasreplaced by James Oxley in the hope his fresh legs may be ableto push the ever tiring Kingston Defence into an error.

Oxley had reverted back to conventional socks after a majorfallout with his one-time business partners ShinSoc. Oxley statedin a press release last Tuesday, “everything was looking HunkyDory and then they said they wanted me to go on Dragon’s Den.I refused cause I’d look ridiculous standing next to Peter Jones

and it all went downhill from there.” He continued “shame, theyreally were lovely to the touch...”

Although Oxley looked a little less easy to pick out without hisrobo-legs he still managed to create a half chance against therun of play for Thomas Ream, but he just couldn’t quite manageto convert.

With the clock running down and Kingston looking stronger asthe game progressed, Utd settled for a point and the final whistlewas met with loud cheers from the home faithful. A point againstthe champions-elect is a very good result, but one that onanother day could easily of been more fruitful. Excellentperformance that the boys and management should be proud of.

The second game was another excellent game from both sides.Kingston took the lead within the first 20 seconds, their forwardguiding the ball past the totally exposed Matthew Knight in goal.Despite looking as though he’d done enough to thwart thestriker, a cheeky flick through the keepers legs put the visitors agoal up.

What followed was an extremely good, end to end battle that,like the first game, was a pleasure to watch. Utd eventually gotthe equaliser they’d been searching for when Jacob Brandexecuted a controlled volley from 3 yards out following anexcellent Mitchell Shirley corner.

At 1-1 Charlie Blee tried his hardest to open up the Kingstondefence in search of the winner, but somehow managed to runinto a brick wall. It what was arguably the biggest “air” ever seenat Horton View, Blee took a full three minutes to return to earthafter initiating take-off. Remarkable.

After the game manager Brand commented “Great performancetoday, which was a great end to yet another difficult week. I stillcan’t believe they got the long haired, Welsh dandy in to openB&Q – gutted. I know he’s been on TV, but it was only presentingBullseye... I’d even bought some new scissors.”


BANBURY UTD SPENCER 2 - 0 Tower Hill Stars

Saturday 02 March 2013

A battling, gritty display on yet another awful, bobbly pitch sawUtd claim the win, a fine way to finish off yet anothertroublesome week for manager Kevin Brand.

The week had started well for Brand, who celebrates his 67thbirthday next week, when he put pen to paper on a new deal,tying him at the club until 2018. However things took a turn forthe worse when it transpired that Brand had broken his own10pm curfew on Tuesday night to stay up and watch his backcatalogue of The Jeremy Kyle Show USA, followed by Kyle’sstunning cameo performance as part of Ant & Dec’s SaturdayNight Takeaway.

Brand has been a long time admirer of the gritty TV and Radiohost. The Utd manager often delivers his pre-match prep talks inthe style of the star and often asks players to call him “Jezza” as atribute to the great man. When photos of Brand appeared onTwitter watching the episodes wearing nothing more than aonesie and a smile, rumours spread across social platformsquicker than the recent Harlem Shake video meme.

Brand defended his corner at his pre-match press conference onFriday morning, stating that he was doing nothing more thanhaving a rehearsal for the upcoming fancy dress celebration, andat the time of the social explosion, he was in-fact tucked up inbed with a mug of hot chocolate. The club declined to comment.

As Brand had stated in his press conference, it has becomecustomary for Utds massive home following to don fancy dressto celebrate the last home game of the season and this year wasno exception. Around 80 people turned up dressed as clownsand although it added great colour to the celebrations, it isthought to be purely circumstantial that, to a man, they allsported the name BRAND on the back of their costumes andthey weren’t staging any kind of protest about the Utd Manager’s

new contract extension or the Jeremy Kyle onesie episode.

Shawn Macdonald, editor of Spencer fanzine “Let’s be Frank”commented on the fans’ efforts “It’s great to see such a greatturnout again this year. We’ve got clowns, pantomime horses acouple of Ali Gs and a Dave Earl. Supporters Club secretary PaulShirley has even come dressed as an electrician, but doesn’t lookanything like one... on a personal note, I’d like to thank Gary Bleefor lending me his speedos so I could come as Mark Spitz... bitchilly though”

Dave Earl, attending the match as guest of honour, was said to beupset at the fanzine editor’s remark and was later seen showinghim a few of his legendary moves, one of which was trying toilluminate a part of Macdonald’s inner anatomy with his Olympictorch. Paul Shirley, also unhappy at the editor’s ill advisedoutburst was also seen attempting to electrocute Macdonald’sbudgie.

The game eventually got underway amongst a partyatmosphere and to a stunning ticker tape reception reminiscentof the 1978 FIFA World Cup Final in Buenos Aires. It soon becameapparent that the game would hinge on the central midfieldbattle between Jacob Brand and Tower Hill’s midfield maestroDaniel Lovick.

Lovick, arguably the league’s best ball player can tear teamsapart with his excellent movement, beautiful passing and rakingshot and Brand had gone out under instructions not to give theyoung “Jan Molby” any time or space. As both sides struggled toput together any fluid moves due to the awkward pitch, it wasBrand having the better of things in the middle of the park.Occasionally Lovick would manage to get a ball away, but undersuch intense pressure he rarely made it tell. On the odd occasionthat the Utd defence was put under pressure, the danger was

Spencer Claim MaSsiveWin To keep on trackLast Home Game of the Season Goes Off In Style

Goals from Charlie Macdonald and Thomas Ream were the difference between Spencerand Tower Hill in a pulsating fixture at Bog Park this morning. Tower Hill have shown allseason what a difficult team they are to beat, so it was going to take a massive effort fromthe lads to secure a result that would leave Utd with an outside chance of securing therunners-up position.

quickly averted by Charlie Blee, Matthew Knight and JamesColes. Blee commanded his box excellently once more, whilstKnight and Coles look stronger as a pairing with each passingweek.

Brand had managed to stop Lovick’s attacking impetus and wasnow dragging him deeper and deeper into his own half. MitchellShirley and Thomas Ream were seeing a lot of ball and withCharlie Macdonald pulling the Tower Hill defence all over thepark, it seemed only a matter of time before the deadlock wouldbe broken. Broken it was. Five minutes before the interval, Brandplayed the ball out wide to Thomas Ream. Quick footwork tookhim away from his man and he fired in a shot low to the keeper’sright. What should’ve been a fairly routine save was made verydifficult by a horrible bounce and as the ball squirmed throughthe keeper’s fingers, the ever alert Charlie Macdonald pounced,spinning 180 degrees before firing low into the net.

It was nothing more than the lads deserved and the half timerallying cry from manager Brand was for more of the same.

The second half was equally as exciting as the first, with Utdpushing for a second and easily dealing with Tower Hill’s sporadiccounter attacks. Lovick had dropped so deep he no longer posedany threat as an attacking force and indeed had reverted totaking goal kicks – a long searing ball appearing to be theoppositions only hope of creating a chance. One such ball wasexpertly snubbed out by Matthew Knight and his precise passfound Brand in the middle of the park. Brands first time ballfound Mitchell Shirley out wide right and his positive run left hismarker for dead. He released a searching ball into the heart ofthe Tower Hill penalty area.

A miss judge from the defender left an unsighted Jamie Oxley inthe path of the ball which cannoned off his right knee. The balltravelled upwards at tremendous speed reaching heights onlypreviously experienced by Felix Baumgartner and Charlie Bleeand took three and a half hours to return from orbit. Being anopportunist, the Tower Hill keeper saw his chance and seized itwith both hands – in the absence of the ball he made a maddash for Richmond Stores in the high street to buy a bag ofwarm sausage rolls for himself and his team-mates.Unfortunately for the hapless soul, he hadn’t allowed for theSaturday lunchtime rush and got stuck in a queue behind at

least half a dozen blue rinses.

After borrowing a mobility scooter to aid his return, the youngkeeper’s sausage aroma could be smelt from a distance just asthe ball came back into view. In a desperate attempt to denyThomas Ream, who was now standing below the balls projectedlanding point, the keeper reverted to throwing his sausage at thewide midfielder.

Undeterred by the sausage stench and greasy stain that nowadourned his shirt, Ream calmly volleyed the ball into thebottom right corner of the net and set off on a lap of honour,utilising the mobility scooter abandoned by the Tower Hillkeeper who’d collapsed in the goalmouth amidst a pile of puffpastry.

At 2-0 the home fans sensed victory and wild celebrationsensued. The clowns in the upper tier were going crazy and asthey belted out their own crazy version of the Beach Boys “I GetAround” the referee brought the game to an end. It’s been a longtime since such scenes have been witnessed and many didn’tthink they’d ever get a chance to witness such scenes again.Many actually can’t believe they happened, but such is theunpredictable, volatile nature of kids football these things seemto happen week in week out.

The second game, although not quite living up to the highs ofthe first game still had a couple of unforgettable moments.Charlie Blee, had somehow managed to pilfer the only sausageroll left in the bottom of the paper bag left by the Tower Hillkeeper. However in putting in one of his world famous back-tracking runs he somehow managed to chew too hard and lost atooth. At the other end Tristan Clifton managed to claim a goalwith a smart finish and then good work from Callum Brand andJames Oxley resulted in the tooth fairy setting up Clifton for hissecond. Try as he might Clifton couldn’t quite manage to find histhird despite an excellent performance.

Another well deserved win for the lads.

After the game manager Brand commented “Great performancetoday, which was a great end to yet another difficult week. It wasa great win but I’ve gone right off Jeremy Kyle and now thanks totheir keeper I’ve got a sausage stain down the front of myonesie.”


Launton Boys 2 - 5 BANBURY UTD SPENCER

Saturday 09 March 2013

Enraged at the gruelling hours and working abroad for longperiods, Brand had campaigned to be transferred back to hisoriginal position, citing disruption to his football commitmentsas basis of his claim along with the fact he had picked up astrange accent after getting lost in France. Earlier this week, aruling panel at German led European transportation body,Transportation via Arbitration Talks (TvAT) had ruled that Brandshould be re-appointed to his old position.

“Initially I was over the moon” commented Brand at this week’spre-match press conference, “but five minutes after opening thatlittle buff envelope and realising I’d secured by old Portsmouthroute back, news came through that I’d missed out on drivingBonnie Tyler’s rig when she appears at the 2013 Eurovision SongContest in Malmo, Sweden on 18 May.”

“Not only am I a Eurovision fan – I have been since Sandie Shawcaptivated the UK in 1967 and I still take my shoes and socks offwhen I go to a disco – but I’m a massive Bonnie Tyler fan. I’ve gotall her records and used to follow her around when she toured,until the (banning) order...” he continued, “I even bought one ofher leather jackets off eBay last year, but it didn’t fit me – hershoulders are a little broader than mine...”

Brand went on, “ironic really – that I get my old route back aftergetting lost in France”

Brand managed to pull himself together in time for today’scrucial away fixture against Launton, and proudly took his placedriving the team coach this morning, the first of 24 long wheelbased DAF Powered VAN HOOL luxury touring coaches thatmade the short trip south.

As Brand arrived at his destination, he honked his horn twice andasked his team the question “Can you get yourselves in with a

shout of finishing the season second?”

Immediately from kick off the lads looked up to the task. Withinthe first minute Utd could’ve been a goal up, neat footballbetween Matthew Knight, Thomas Ream and Jacob Brand foundMitchell Shirley in acres of space out wide on the right. His pinpoint cross found Charlie Macdonald in the centre and just as itappeared that the pocket dynamo was about to score, a horriblebobble took the ball away from him.

It was a sign of things to come... the bobble was to play a fairlymajor part throughout the game.

More Utd pressure followed. Great football, making the most ofthe width that was available saw the lads tearing the oppositionapart, but a mixture of good defending and poor luck due to theuneven pitch kept the scores level. Within the first 5 minutes, Utdcould easily of been three goals to the good, but Launton startedto get a foot hold in the game and began to look a little moredangerous on the break.

Launton compacted the middle of the park and made it difficultfor Jacob Brand to get the ball out wide. Lack of supply pulledboth Mitchell Shirley and Thomas Ream in tighter and thenarrower shape suited Launton better. James Coles and MatthewKnight were getting a little more action as the half progressed,yet the pairs’ excellent anticipation meant that Charlie Blee hadhardly had a touch let alone had to make a save.

Then, completely against the run of play, a long ball was held upby the excellent Launton centre forward. His turn was a littlelucky to beat Knight, but he made the most of his good fortuneby firing in a rasping shot that squeezed inside Charlie Blee’s nearpost, beating the keeper on the bounce.

It looked like it was going to be one of those days...

Knight delights In Shandy Bass HeavenSpencer Sink Launton to Stake Claim on Second Spot.

After last week’s West Ham onesie episode, there was more bad news for BanburySpencer manager Kevin Brand this week. Brand had been upset at losing his regulardriving route to Portsmouth docks with Hero Haulage at the back end of last yearfollowing an automobile accident. He’d subsequently been transferred to Hero Haulage’sIntercontinental sister company Suckitan Sea.

However, just a minute before half time, Mitchell Shirley forced acorner. As he fired the ball into the area, the ball was cleared tomidway in the Launton half. Matthew Knight had positionedhimself perfectly and despite being under pressure managed toget his shot away from 35 yards out. The ball rifled into the topright hand corner with the keeper well beaten, for his first andUtd’s 40th goal of the campaign. With that strike, Knight securedhimself a celebratory drink of Shandy Bass and slap up mealthanks to his father's first goal bet on his way to the game. Youhave to ask yourself what kind of a father does that to his son...

As the half time whistle sounded, Brand’s half time team talk hadjust become a little easier.

Utd began the second half as they had the first and put theLaunton defence under severe pressure. Two minutes in, awonderful teasing cross from Mitchell Shirley had the defenderin all sorts of trouble and all he could do was fire past thestranded keeper. It was no more than the ball in deserved.

More pressure saw Charlie Macdonald, Thomas Ream and Brandall go close, before yet another excellent Mitchell Shirley cornerhad the Launton rear guard panicking. However, midwaythrough the half, the tide was to turn again.

What looked like a foul on Brand went unpunished midway inthe Launton half. As the referee waved play on, Launton foundthemselves three against two and made the most of theirnumerical advantage to slide the ball past the despairing CharlieBlee.

The lads were now up against it, as both the score-line and thereferee’s watch were both working against them. With 5 minutesto go, Utd forced a corner and as Shirley swung the ball in, a halfhearted clearance fell to Jacob Brand on the edge of the box. Hisfirst time effort wasn’t the sweetest connection, but still hadenough on it to beat the keeper.

Matthew Knight was replaced by fan favourite James Oxley afterthe goal. Apparently Knight had smelt the bacon rolls beingcooked in the clubhouse and was afforded the chance to top uphis calorie count in an effort to feed yet another growth spurt. At7’ 2”, Knight is the tallest player in the league and with his size 11feet also breaking records, it was left to manager Brand to

explain to the Merton yokels that having such big feet doesn’tnecessarily mean you’re a hobbit.

A couple of minutes later and it was a carbon copy goal forBrand. This time he was a good 25 yards out and connectedbeautifully, the ball arrowing past the keeper, leaving him withno chance.

As the game entered its final minute, Oxley jinked past 3 molesforming new hills wide on the left before playing a neat ballthrough to Charlie Macdonald. His clever turn was too quick forhis defender and as he span away, struck an unstoppable shotpast the keeper to produce a score-line that reflected the lad’soverall performance.

The second game was another entertaining match. MatthewKnight moved into the middle of the park, Jinkey played up topwith Charlie Blee slotting in at the back.

Wing wizard Callum Brand again treated the crowd to a selectionof his favourite tricks and had the entire away end eating out ofthe palm of his hand. Brand’s much publicised 6 hour dailysessions in an oxygen tank over the past month have clearly paidoff. Not only was his silky footwork extra quick, but his desire andability to cover the turf was there for all to see. It’s not hard tounderstand why the fans have taken such a shine to thecharismatic star and affectionately nicknamed him “Nijinsky”.

Jinkey Joxley again showed why his price tag has doubled overthe last three months, two goals, one a delicious finish after anexquisite through ball from Matthew Knight was no more thanhe deserved.

Last word on this fantastic season though, went to that man –Callum Brand. A superb piece of anticipation allowed him to nipin front of his full back following a short goal kick from theLaunton keeper, before delightfully chipping in from the edge ofthe box. Simply superb from the little man.

After the game manager Brand commented “Great performancetoday, which was a great end to yet another difficult week. It’sbeen a truly brilliant finish to the season to be fair, but I can’tbelieve I’m gonna miss out on driving for leather clad Eightiesbelter Bonnie Tyler after getting lost in France – It’s a Heartache...nothing but a heartache”


Documents

Banbury Utd Spencer 2012/2013