BannedCharismaSecretsUnleashed

LearnTheSecretsOfPersonalMagnetismAndHowToAttract,Inspire,Impress,InfluenceAndEnergizeAnyone

OnCommand

ByDanielSmith

Copyright2015byMakeProfitsEasyLLCprofitsdaily123@aol.com

TableofContentsChapter1:Charisma:TheSecretWeaponOfLeadershipChapter2:CharismaDefinedChapter3:TheInternalFoundationsOfCharismaChapter4:ExternalFoundations:UnderpinningCharisma’sOuterDimensionChapter5:TheCharismaticKey:ConfidenceChapter6:CharismaticBodyLanguageChapter7:AdaptOrDie:TheImportanceofEngagementChapter8:Meekness=Weakness:TheImportanceofAssertionChapter9:TheCharismaticMind:IntelligenceisYourAllyChapter10:Happiness:TheEmotionofCharismaChapter11:HowtoKillCharisma:Don’tDigYourOwnGraveChapter12:CharismaticRoleModelsDecodedChapter13:CharismaticConclusions

Chapter1:Charisma:TheSecretWeaponOfLeadership

Someofthemostpowerfulandinfluentialleadersthroughouthistoryhavehadasecretweapon.WhathelpedtomakeDr.MartinLutherKing,oneofthemostrespected,quoted,andfollowedmenofmoderntimes?WhatcausedJohnF.Kennedytobesoseductivetothegeneralpublicaswellastothemostbeautifulwomenofhisera?WhatledyoungmenandwomentomurderonthecommandofthederangedcultleaderCharlesManson?Simple;allthesepeople,andcountlessotherslikethem,possessoneepicweapon-charisma.

Thisbookisyourcompleteguidetoacquiringthemostpowerfulleadershiptacticthathistoryhaseverknown.Youwilllearnexactlywhatismeantby“charisma”and“beingcharismatic.”Itisatermoftenspoken,yetrarelyunderstood.Inthisbook’snextchapteryouwillhavethemysteryremovedfromcharisma,forever.

Definingcharismaisimportant,butnotenough.Youwilldelvedeeperintothenatureofcharismaandthecharismaticleader.Innerandouterdimensionsofcharismawillbeexplored,simplified,andapplied.Countlessbooksandarticlesofferbland,non-actionableadvicesuchas“behappy”or“useyourintelligence.”Thisbookwillnotwasteyourtimewithsuchemptyphrases;instead,themeaning,importance,andapplicationoftheseideaswillbeofferedinawayyoucanunderstandandapply.

Someoftheareasinwhichyouwilllearntouseyournewcharismaticsuperpowersincludereactingtodifferentsituations,audiences,andindividuals.Acomprehensiveguidetocharismaticbodylanguage,andwhyitworks,isprovided.

Thefirststeptobenefitingfromtheimmenseopportunitythatcharismarepresentsisacceptingthatpeoplearenotborncharismatic.Sure,somepeoplemaybemorenaturallyinclinedtowardscharismamorethanothers.Ultimately,however,charismaisaskillsetthatcanbelearned.Youmaybethemostextrovertedorintrovertedpersontoeverwalktheearth,butwithouttheunderstanding,implementation,andrepetitionofthebehaviorsandpracticesthatunderpincharisma,youwillnotprogress.

Doyouhaveafriendorrelativethateveryonelovestobearound?Afterreadingandapplyingthisbook,thatpersoncouldbeyou.Haveyoueverhadabossorcolleagueeveryoneseemstoloveworkingwithandgoingtheextramilefor?Charismacanhelpyouturbo-chargeyourprofessionallifelikethosepeople.

Ifyou’veeverbeeninarelationshipormarriageandfeltinsecureorjealous,charismaistheanswertoyourwoes.Charismaticpartnersarethebesttobewithandbecomingonewillallowyoutostaywith,orattract,thepersonofyourdreams.

Whatyoudowiththisbookisentirelyyourchoice.Youcantreatitasaninterestinginsightintotheworldofthecharismaticleaderandwhatmakeshimorhertick.Or,youcanrecognizetheimmensepowerofcharismaandunleashittoworkinyourownlife.Abettercareer,relationshipandlifeingeneralawait.Enjoy.

Chapter2:CharismaDefined

Thisbookisyourcompleteblueprinttounderstandingandapplyingthemostpowerfulandimportantaspectsofcharisma.Beforeyoucandelveintothedetails,itisimportanttohaveafoundationalunderstandingofwhatexactlyismeantby“charisma.”Thiswillhelpyoutoshatteryourmisconceptionsandbeginyourprogressionintoharnessingthepowerofbeingcharismatic.Charismaisdefinedaspossessingcompellingattractivenessorcharmthatcaninspiredevotioninothers.

Therearethreemaincomponentsofcharisma-personality,actions,andwords.Onceyouunderstandthefundamentalsofeachcomponent,wewillthenseehowtheycombineintoacompleteprocess,commonlyknownas“beingcharismatic.”

Personality

Personalitycanbeunderstoodasthe“inner”aspectofcharisma.Thisaspectincludesthethoughtprocesses,beliefs,experiences,andunderstandingsthathaveledtosomeoneattainingacharismaticoutlook.Manyoftheemotionalandpsychologicaldimensionsofcharismaareexplainedandappliedingreaterdepthinthebook’slaterchapters.First,thekeyaspectsofthepersonalityneedtobeexplored.

Pictureapersonsittingaloneinaroom.Iftheyarenotsayingordoinganything,canthatpersonstillbeconsideredcharismatic?Yes;theymaybeconsidered“internallycharismatic”becausetheypossessthenecessarymixtureofinneraspectsthatallowthemtooutwardlyexpresscharismacongruently.

Ifyouarequestioningtheuseorevenrealityofcharismaexistingasan“innerdimension,”letitbeexplainedfurther.Haveyouevercomeacrosssomeoneyoucoulddescribeascharming,butnotcharismatic?Thinkofawaitergreetingyou

coulddescribeascharming,butnotcharismatic?Thinkofawaitergreetingyouorapoliticiantryingtowinyourvote;heorshewilllikelydeployalotofcharm,butthisisunlikelytoresultinyoufeelingdeeplymovedbywhotheyare.Thisisthekeytounderstandingwhyinternalcharismamatters.Withonlytheoutersignsofcharisma,oneissimplywearingthemaskofacharismaticbeing,whileinternally,thatbeingisanythingbutcharismatic.Peoplearesurprisinglyadeptatnoticingthisincongruenceandarerepelledbyit.

Initssimplestform,innercharismacanbeunderstoodasasetofbeliefs,attitudes,andunderstandingsthatarereinforcedandbackedupbyreferenceexperiences.Whatdoesthismeaninreality?

Youmightgenuinely“believe”thatbeingpositiveandwarmtopeoplecanresultinbeingabletoinfluencethem.Youmayhavereaditorwitnesseditsecondhand.However,untilyouapplythisideatoyourownlifeandactuallyfeelthedifferenceitmakes,youwon’thaveinternalizedit.Everytimeanunderstandingisenforcedbyanoccurrencecanbeunderstoodasareferenceexperience.

Somepeoplemakethemistakeofseeingtheworldinblackandwhiteterms,withpeopleeitherbeingcharismaticorappalling.Thisisamistake;don’tthinkofcharismaassomethingthatcanbeturnedonoroff.Thinkofitasascale—peoplecanbemoreorlesscharismatic.Thisappliestocharismaasawhole,butalsotoinnercharismaasanaspect.Overtime,youcanbecome“more”or“less”internallycharismatic.Thisinvolvesprogressinggradually,overtime,inthemainareasofinternalcharisma.

Actions

Wehavelookedatanoversightofcharisma’sinternaldimension.Thishasshowedthatcharismaissomethingthatcan,andmust,existwithinaperson,aswellasoutwardlythroughtheirexpression.Wewillnowbrieflyexplorethe

wellasoutwardlythroughtheirexpression.Wewillnowbrieflyexplorethemainaspectsofthe“outerdimension”ofcharisma,knownas“actions.”

Outwardcharismaisnotasingularconcept.Rather,itconsistsofvariousdifferentexternalcharismaticmanifestationsworkinginharmonytoleaveacharismaticimpression.Theseincludeaperson’sbodylanguage(onamacroandmicroscale),thewordsyouspeak,thewayinwhichthewordsarespoken,thewayapersonbehaves,andalsoaperson’sbackgroundandtrackrecord.

Bodylanguagehasanentirechapterinthisbookduetoitsimportance.Someofthefacetsofbodylanguagethatcharismaticpeopleexhibitthemostincludetheirposture,mannerofsitting,mannerofstanding,gestures,eyecontact,facialexpressions,andchoiceofclothing.

Behaviorisavastlyimportantpartoftheouterdimensionofcharisma.Thisincludesaperson’sbehaviortowardshimorherself,hisorherpeers,thoseheorsheleads,andhisorherbehaviortowardsnon-interpersonalaspectsoflifesuchastheirorganization,efficiency,andtimemanagement.Aperson’strackrecord,aswellastheirpresentdaybehavior,isalsoimportantwithregardstotheircharisma,butlesssothanwhatapersondisplaysinthepresentmoment.

Asstated,itispossibletodisplaytheoutersignsofcharismawithouthavingtheinternalaspectstosupportthem.Suchpeopleareovertlycharmingwithoutbeingconvincinglycharismatic.Itisalsoverydifficulttosustaincharismaticouterbehaviorwithoutthesupportiveinternaldimensions.Longterm,sustainedcharismaticactionisthereforeusuallyindicativeofacharismaticinternaldimension.

Words

Aperson’suseofthespokenandwrittenwordisalsoakeycontributortotheoveralllevelofcharismaheorsheexudes.Ifyoustopandthinkofanycharismaticfigurethroughouthistory,famousorotherwise,youaresureto

charismaticfigurethroughouthistory,famousorotherwise,youaresuretorecognizehimorherbywithwordsconnectedtohim.Charismaticspeechhasaninnerandouterdimension,whichisexplainedfullylater.Italsohasanintellectualandemotionalsynchronicitywhichareequallyimportantforspeechtobeconsideredcharismatic.

Tobrieflyintroducetheideasofinternalandexternalcharismaticwords,andtheirintellectualandemotionaldimension,let’sconsideranexamplefromhistory—Dr.MartinLutherKingJunior’sfamous,“IHaveaDream”speech.

“WehavealsocometothishallowedspottoremindAmericaofthefierceurgencyofnow.Thisisnotimetoengageintheluxuryofcoolingoffortotakethetranquilizingdrugofgradualism.”

Thissmall,lesser-knownextractfrom“IHaveaDream”illustratesboththeinner,outer,intellectual,andemotionaldimensionsofcharismaticwordusage.AfulleranalysisofMartinLutherKingisfoundlaterinthisbook,asisamoredetailedexplanationofthedifferentdimensionsofcharismaticwordusage.

WhenDr.Kingsays,“thefierceurgencyofnow,”itisdrawingupontheemotionalpowerofcharismaticwordusage.“Fierce”isapoignanttermintendedtoarousearesponseinitsaudience.

King’sphrase,“thetranquilizingdrugofgradualism,”isanexampleofcombiningtheemotionalandintellectualappealofcharismaticwordssimultaneously.Theideaofa“tranquilizingdrug”impactsuponaperson’semotionswhereastheterm“gradualism”speaksprimarilytotheintellect.Bychoosingthesewords,inthiscombination,Kingisappealingtoboththeheartsandmindsofpeopleatonce.Thisisbeyondmorecharismaticthanappealingtoonlyoneortheother.

Sowhatoftheinnerandouterdimensionsofwords?Let’sbeginwiththeinner.

WhenKingspeaksofhis“fourlittlechildren”thesearenotmerewords.Theseareveryreal,preciousaspectsofKing’slife.Hehasanemotionalattachmenttothewordshespeaks-theycomefromwithinhisheartandmindaswellasthepageinfrontofhim.Thisiswhatismeantbytheinnerdimensionofcharismaticspeech:theabilitytoattachgenuineemotionalmeaningtochosenwords.

Bycontrast,theouterdimensionofwordsaretheactualwayinwhichthewordsaredelivered.ThinkaboutKing’sspeechor,evenbetter,goonlineandwatchit.Listentothewayinwhichhedelivershiswords.Doeshesoundconfident?Yes.Hopeful?Yes.Wise?Certainly.NoticehowKingpausestolethiswordsresonatewithhisaudience.Heevenelicitsresponsesinawaythatisparticularlyengagingtohischosenaudience,aconcepttobeexpandeduponlater.

Thisbrief,illustratedexampleintothepowerofcharismaticwordshasshownthatlanguageisatitsmostcharismaticwhenithasallfourdimensionsatonce–intellectual,emotional,inner,andouter.Thisistheformulaforspeakingascharismaticallyasthegreatestoratorsofalltime.

Process

Weexploredhowcharismaconsistsofpersonality,actions,andwords.Ifyounotice,eachoftheseisonlyanaspect,onepieceofalargerpuzzle.Whenpeoplespeakof“beingcharismatic,”whattheyareactuallytalkingaboutisaprocesswithanendresult.

Truecharisma,orbeingcharismatic,occurswhenapersonisabletoauthenticallyaligntheircharismaticpersonality,actions,andwords.Truecharismaoccursonlywhenallaspectsarepresent.Let’sexploreanexampletounderstandthisindepth.

Pictureapersonwhoisinternallycharismatic,butisnotabletoexpresstheseinneraspectsinanyway.Suchapersonhascharismaticpotential;however,

inneraspectsinanyway.Suchapersonhascharismaticpotential;however,withouthavingawaytodisplayhisorheractionsandwords,theycannotbeconsideredfullycharismatic.

Someonewhoisabletooffercharismaticactionswithoutwordsisunlikelytoevertrulybecharismaticeither.Anyonewhohaseverdatedsomeonewhoisexternallyattractive,butunabletoholdaconversationwillrelatetothisidea.Thewayinwhichapersonlooksandmovesmaysuggesttheyarecharismatic,butwithoutthepowerofwordstofinalizethisperception,theircharismaisultimatelylacking.

Considersomeonewhoisabletooffercharismaticspeech,butwithoutaninnerrealityoractiontocomplimentit.Suchapersonmightbeseenasaconman,charlatan,orsweet-talker.Theyknowhowtotalkthetalk,butnotwalkthewalk.Someonewhoisabletospeakcharmingly,butdoesnotliveacharismaticlife,islikelytoalsolacktheinternalelementsofcharisma.

Now,incontrast,let’sconsidersomeonewhopossessesallofthecharismaticaspects.Ifheorshehasthecorrectbeliefsandmindset,itisalmostinevitabletotranslateintocharismaticaction.Forexample,ifsomeonetrulybelievesinhelpingpeopleandmakingadifferenceintheworld,itisalmostinevitabletheywillactinthisway.Considertheinternalelementofcharismaasaseed.Italmostalwaysmanifestsinanouterrepresentationofitspotential.

Asapersonwhopossessesinnercharismaisalmostboundtotakecharismaticaction,thisreinforceshisorherinternalcharisma.Thetwoareaself-perpetuatingcycleofcharismaticcontinuation.

Ofallthethreeaspectsofcharisma,speechisperhapstheleastnatural.Eventhebestspeakerswillhavebeenheavilyinfluencedwithregardstotheirspeech.Thiscanoccurorganically,suchasthroughearlyexposuretoimpactfulspeakers,orconsciously,suchaswhenapersonmakesadeliberateeffortto

learntousecharismaeffectively.

TheCharismaticEquation

Younowhaveafoundationalunderstandingofcharisma.Ifanyoftheconceptsseemunconvincing,readon.Asyoudelvedeeperintothisbook,youwilllearnaboutallofthemingreatercomplexitythroughexamplesandcasestudies.

Tosummarizethemainideaofthischapter,pleaseconsiderthefollowingCharismaticEquation.

ACharismaticPersonality+CharismaticActions+CharismaticWords=theCharismaticProcessorBeingCharismatic

Chapter3:TheInternalFoundationsOfCharisma

Rememberhowthepreviouschapterdiscussedthepersonalityaspectofcharisma?

ItisthefirstaspectofourCharismaticEquation.Thepreviouschapteronlyintendedtointroducetheinternaldimensionofcharismaandexplainhow,withoutthisdimension,apersoncouldbecharming,butnottrulycharismatic.Wewillnowgodeeperintothespecificfacetsofcharisma’sinternaldimension,explaining,illustrating,andapplyingeachfeature.Eachapplicationwilldiscussthespecificreferenceexperiencesthatmaybesoughtinordertoreinforcetheparticularinternalaspect.

Theseinternalelementsarereferredtoasfoundations.Withoutthesefoundations,itisimpossibletobuildtruecharisma.Thefoundations,alone,donotconstitutecharisma-onlycharismaticpotential.

Someoftheparticularlyimportantinternalaspectsofcharismahavetheirownchapters.Ifthatisthecase,theconceptwillbetoucheduponinthischapterandelaboratedonlaterinthebook.Everyaspectofinternalcharismaisincludedhereinsomeforminordertoprovideafullpictureofthecharismaticfoundation,withoutwhichtruecharismaisimpossible.

TheImportanceofPersonalPower

Whatexactlyispersonalpower?Thisistheunshakeablefeelingofbeingapersonofinfluence,worth,andinherentvalue.Personalpowerisnotdependentuponthecircumstancesoflifeatanygiventime.Othernamesforthisfoundationofcharismaincludeself-belief,resilience,andstoicism.

Trulycharismaticpeople,particularlyleaders,areabsolutelyreliantupontheir

Trulycharismaticpeople,particularlyleaders,areabsolutelyreliantupontheirunshakeablesenseofpowerandvalue.Why?Ifsomeone’slevelofself-beliefandunderstandingoftheirabilitytoinfluenceasituationisdependentuponexternalcircumstances,itischangeableandnotreliable.

Toillustratethisidea,let’sdrawuponthelegendaryBritishPrimeMinister,WinstonChurchill.

Duringoneofthemostextremeandbrutalwarstheplanethaseverwitnessed,ChurchillwastaskedwithleadingtheBritishresistancetoAdolfHitlerandtheNazis.Churchillalreadyhadatrackrecordofleadershippriortothewar.Butthewarwasthetimewhenhispersonalpowertrulyexcelled.

Churchillfamouslystatedthathewould“ratherseeLondoninruinsthanavictoriousfoe.”

Ofallthecrisissituationsthatleadersface,itishardtoimaginemanybiggerthandefendinganationagainstAdolfHitler.Almostanyonewouldcrackorbackdownunderthisimmensepressure.Indeed,manygreatcountriesatthetimedid.Churchill,however,remainedresolvedandunshakeableinhispursuitofleadership.

AfullcharismaticcasestudyofWinstonChurchillisprovidedlaterinthisbook.Fornow,let’sexplorehisexamplethroughthelensofpersonalpower.

Churchill’spersonalpoweristhekeyreasonhewassuchacharismaticleader,reveredgenerationslaterbypeoplefromacrosstheworld.ImaginehowChurchill’slackofpersonalpowermighthavehurthiminsomealternativereality.Mostlikely,itwouldhavepreventedhimfromleadingtheUnitedKingdominthefirstplace.However,manyleaderswithoutpersonalpowerenduprunningcountries.

Suchleaders,however,wouldnothavestooduptoAdolfHitler.Theywouldnot

Suchleaders,however,wouldnothavestooduptoAdolfHitler.Theywouldnothavefoughthimandeveniftheydidtakesuchacourseofaction,theywouldnothavepursueditwiththeintensityofChurchill.

Churchillensuredhischarismawouldoutlivethewarregardlessofwhowon.Statingthathewouldratherseeacountryinruinsthantobackdownfromanevilfoeisperhapstheepitomeofpersonalpower.Itshowsanabsoluteconvictionthatcannotbeshakenoralterednomatterwhatthecircumstance.

Therefore,ispersonalpowerimportantforpeopleoutsideofwartimeleadership?Ofcourse!Ultimately,Churchill’sresponseduringthewarwasperhapsbestdescribedasthedecisive“crisisresponse.”Peoplewillfacecrisesofmanydiversetypesduringtheirlifetime.Personalpowerwillhelpsustaincharismathroughouteachandeverycrisis.

Onecommoncrisispeoplefaceisintheirprofessionallife.ThiscancomeinmanyformsandisequallyapplicabletoanhourlymanualworkerasitistotheCEOofaFortune500company.Anysignificant,prolonged,ornegativechangeimpactingaperson’sprofessionallifemaybeconsideredaprofessionalcrisis.Personalpowerhelpswitheachandeveryprofessionalcrisis.

Oneofthemostcommonprofessionalcrisesfacedisbeingfired,laidoff,ormaderedundant.Howeveritoccurs,asuddenchangeinemploymentsecurityisincrediblychallengingtoaperson’slifeandroutine.Ifthepersonhappenedtobereliantuponhisorhersituation,ratherthanhimorherself,fortheirfeelingofpowerandinfluence,thenaprofessionalcrisissuchasthiswouldrepresentasignificantlossofpowerforthepersonaffected.Suchaperson,lackingpersonalpowerandcharisma,maystruggletoreboundfromthecrisissituation.Therearemanyexamplesofthosewhomhavebeenabsolutelycrushedinmind,body,andspiritbyunemploymentatonetimeortheother.

Ifonewereinpossessionofstrongpersonalpower,heorshewouldbeableto

navigatehisorhertimeofcrisiswithgreatereaseandlessdisruption,feelingasifthesituationwastheprobleminsteadofhisorhercoreself.Asanemployer,wouldyouofferajobtothepersonwhoseemedresilientandstrong,orthepersonwhoseemedbrokenandweak?It’sanuncomplicatedillustrationofthepracticalbenefitsofpersonalpower.

Romanticrelationshipsandmarriagesareanotherareainwhichaperson’spowerdirectlyinfluenceshisorhersatisfaction.Haveyouevermetsomeonewhochangesdrasticallydependingonthepersontheyaredatingatthetime?Thiscanbeinsuperficialways,suchasthemusicheorshelistenstoandtheclothesheorshewears,ordeeperwayssuchasthereligionheorshepractices,theviewsheorsheespouses,andthecompanyheorshekeeps.

Let’scontrastthishighlychangeablepersonwithonewhohasstrongpersonalpower,nomatterwhatthestatusoftherelationship.Thispersonhasastrongunderstandingofwhoheorsheisandwhatheorsheisabout,bothofwhicharecoreaspectsofpersonalpower.Thismeansthatthepersonwithstrong,personalpowerfeelsnoble,powerful,andresilientinandoutofarelationship.

Whensuchaperson,facesarelationshipcrisis,heorshecopes.Ifsomeoneheorsheiswithchoosestoleave,heorshecanbouncebackquicklyandfully.Thepersonisnotarobotwhomdoesnotfeelsadness;instead,suchholdersofcharismaticpersonalpowerareabletodealwithemotionsappropriatelyandmoveon.Heorshehascontroloverhisorheremotionsratherthanviceversa.Thisisonlypossiblewithpersonalpower.

GainingPersonalPower

Nowthatwehaveexploredtheimportanceofpersonalpowertheoreticallyandunderstooditthroughappliedexamples,howdoyoucultivateitforyourself?

Thefirststepinincreasingyourlevelsofpersonalpowerarehavingafull,

Thefirststepinincreasingyourlevelsofpersonalpowerarehavingafull,emotional,aswellasintellectual,understandingofitsimportance.Theprecedingsectionmayfulfillyourunderstandingofpersonalpowerintellectually,butonlyyoucandosoemotionally.

Agreatbeginningtothisprocessistothinkbackoveryourlifeandtryandrecalltwoseparatesituations—onewhereyoushowedpersonalpower,anotherwhereyoudidnot.Reallytakethetimetofindsomeexamplesofhowpersonalpowerservedyouoryourlackofitharmedyou.Thiscanrangefromhugeeventssuchasadivorce,ajobloss,orabereavement,torelativelysmallones,suchasexercisingorsavingmoney.

Onlybyfindingrealexamplesfromyourownlifecanyoumakethepersonalaspectof“personalpower”real!Thenitwillnotjustbeintellectuallyfulfilling,butwillstarttobeemotionallyfulfillingforyouaswell.

Afterattainingabalancedintellectualandemotionalappreciationofpersonalpower,youmustproactivelyreinforceitsvalueinyourlifethroughthegatheringandunderstandingofreferenceexperiences.

Sowhatkindofreferenceexperiencescanhelpwithyourcultivationofpersonalpower?

Anytimesomethinggoeswronginyourlife,suchasasetbackprofessionally,arelationshipturnedsour,orafinancialmishap,trytoapplyandunderstandtheconceptofpersonalpowerinthatsituation.Utilizesomeofthesephrasestohelpyougainpersonalpower:Iamnotmysituation,Iamstrongerthanmycircumstance,Iamnotaprisonerofmysurroundings.Tryingtoreallyinternalize,experience,andagreewiththesestatesofmindisabsolutelyvitaltoachievingsufficientpersonalpower.

Onceyoureallyunderstandthisconcept,yourentirelifewillbecomeawin/winscenariorelatedtopersonalpower.Ifyouapplypersonalpowerandithelpsyou,

scenariorelatedtopersonalpower.Ifyouapplypersonalpowerandithelpsyou,great,youhavereinforceditsvalue.Ifsomethingbadhappensandyoudonotexhibitpersonalpower,thenyoucanusethesituationasameansoflearningandimprovingforthefuture.

TheImportanceofPresence

Presenceisanabsolutelyfundamentalconceptrelatedtocharisma.Whatismeantbypresence?Presenceistheabilitytofocus,tobeperceptive,andtoliveinthecurrentmomentratherthaninthepastorthefuture.Unfortunately,thisisoneofthemorewidelyneglectedcharismaticfoundations.

Howdoespresenceservecharisma?Picturemeetingtwoseparatepeople-onewithpresence,onelackingit.Asyouinteractwiththepersonwithoutpresence,theyseemdistracted;hisorherbodylanguageisdistractedandoff-putting.Thepersonisunabletomakeanytypeofeyecontactbeyondtheabsoluteminimumandseemsalittlebit“spacedout”ornotentirely“withit.”Suchapersonislikelytoelicitaresponseofannoyance,dislike,orevenpity.Thisisanexampleofsomeonelackingpresence.

Imagineinteractingwithsomeonewithastronglevelofpresence.Thispersonislikelytomakerobust,butnotintimidating,levelsofeyecontactwithyou.Heorsheseemsfully“inthemoment”andintouchwithwhatisbeingsaidand,moreimportantly,feltatthetime.Hisorherbodylanguageisappealingandopen-perhapsdeliberatelytomakeyoufeelespeciallyateaseandcomfortable.Thispersonelicitsfeelingsoffondness,trust,andvalue.

Thinkaboutanyperson,throughoutyourlife,whowaswidelylikedforhowheorshemadepeoplefeel.Thisislikelytobeapersonwhowasabletoapplypresenceanduseittofurtherhisorherowncharisma.Itisverydifficulttocommunicateeffectivelywithpeopleifyouareunabletoexhibitpresencewheninteractingwiththem.

interactingwiththem.

Presencealsostronglyunderpinstheactionsaspectofcharisma.How?Ifyouhavestronglevelsofpresenceandtheabilitytoapplyit,youwillbebetterabletofocusonthetasksinfrontofyouandtheparticularadvantagesofanygivenmomentintime.Peoplewholackpresence,however,areoftenmiserablebecauseoftheirpastormentallylivingoutimaginedfutureworriesbeforetheyactuallyhappen.Doyouknowanyonelikethis?Haveyoueverbeenthatpersonyourself?

Presenceallowsyoutobecomefullyawareof,andreceptiveto,themomentyouareinatthetime.Thisunburdensyoufromyourpast-youarenotlivinginthepastanymore,soyoucanenjoythefreedomofthepresent!Italsohaltsyourfutureworryingandinsteadallowsyoutoplanforit.Toplaneffectively,youmustbefullyfocusedandpresent.Thisisyetanotherexampleoftheliberatingimpactofpresence.

TheDalaiLamaisprobablythemostwellknownBuddhistfigureintheworld.Healsohasincrediblepresence.Many,manypeoplewhohavepersonallymethimtelltalesofhowabsolutelyandfullyinterestedheappearedatthetime.LeadingpsychologicalexpertshavemarveledattheabilityoftheDalaiLamatoappreciateboththelargerandmoreintricatedetailsofanygivenmomentintime.

Countlesstimes,whenwalkingthroughcrowdsatevents,theDalaiLamahasspottedsomeonehefeelsmaybeinpainorturmoil.Thisinitselfrequiresextraordinarylevelsoffocusandawarenessofthecurrentmoment—imaginebeingabletoaccuratelyassessemotionalnuancesamongstaseaofpeople!Notonlydoesheidentifypeopleinpain,theDalaiLamazonesinonthemandgivesthemthefullpowerofhispresence.Manypeopleareabsolutelyovercomewhenthishappensandbreakdownintearsofhappiness.

Presenceisn’tjustforBuddhistleaders,however.Presencecanmakeamassiveimpactonyourprofessionallife,nomatterwhichfieldyoupursue.Imaginebeingfullypresentinajobinterview.Itenablesyoutobecompletelyintouchwiththeinterviewersandtheirinquiries.Youarenotdistractedorcaptivetofearsandworries.Instead,yourattentionisonthepeopleyouneedtoimpress,aninvaluableobjectivetopossess.

Presencealsoservesinterpersonalaspectsofworkinmanyways.Ifyoudeveloppresence,yourcolleaguesarelikelytofeelasifyouvalueandrespectthem.Clientsyoumeetwithwillbeimpressedbyyourabilitytorespondattentivelyandcomprehensivelytowhattheyaresayinginanygivensituation.

Thepowerofpresenceinpracticaltasks,relatedtodifferentprofessionalfields,isanotherkeyadvantage.Thisisrelevantforliterallyanyjobonthespectrumofemployment—fromafoodservicejobtoabrainsurgeon.Customerservice,foodservice,retailarealljobsthatmanypeoplework,butoftenstruggletomakethebestof.Theyarestressful,demanding,andoftenrepetitive.

Beingpresenttotheworkathandabsolutelyhelpstheemployeeimmensely.Byfocusingonthetaskathand,theemployeeismorelikelytoentera“flow”state.Thiscausestheperceptionoftimepassingslowlytovanishentirely.Thinkofatimewhenyouweretotallyengagedwithyourwork.Didthetimeflyby?

Detailed,skilledjobsarealsoimportantoutletsforthepowerofpresence.Surgeons,policeofficers,andmilitaryoperativesallarerequiredtohaveincrediblelevelsofpresenceinordertocarryouttheirtaskseffectively.Thesepositionsareexamplesofhowfocus,orpresence,canbethedifferencebetweenlifeanddeath.

GainingPresence

Therearemanydifferentaspectstobecomingpresent.Peopleareuniqueandrespondtodifferentthings.Foryoutogainthemaximumpossiblebenefitfrompresence,itissuggestedyoutryseveralofthesemethodsoutandseewhichseemstohelpyouthemost.Whatworksforothersmaynotworkforyou;gettingtoknowyourself,andwhatyourespondto,isakeyelementofthisprocess.

Aphysicalwayofgainingpresenceistohandlethelifestylechoicesthateitheraidorinhibityourlevelsoffocus.Again,thisvariesforindividuals,buttherearesomewidelyapplicableprinciplesinwhichtowork.Nutritionhasbeenabsolutelyproven,beyondanydoubt,tohelpwithpresence.Alotofpeoplefeelthateating“clean”foods,whichdonottriggerspikesandcrashesinbloodsugar,isoneofthebestwaystoallownutritiontosupportpresence.Otherpeopleactuallyfindthatindulging,moderately,intheirfavoritefoodsanddrinkshelpthemtobecomepresent.Tryoutdifferentideasandestablishwhathelpsyoufeelthemostfocused.

Yourchoiceofdrinksisanotherpracticalaspectofpresence.Stayinghydratedisalmostuniversallyapplicableasaidingpresenceinpeople.Thespecificsofhowtodothisvaryfrompersontoperson.Exactcalculatorsexistthatdeterminetheamountofwaterapersonofagivensizeandweightshoulddrinkperday.Anotheroptionissimplytoself-experimentandobservewhatworksforyou.Itisalmostimpossibletopinpointtherelationshipbetweenhydrationandyourpersonalpresence,butveryeasytounderstandapproximatelyhowdifferentlevelsofhydrationinfluenceyourpresence.

Choosingtherightamountofcaffeineisanotheraspectofpresencethatmanypeopleneedtofigureout.Somepeoplefindtheyareattheirmostpresentafterfullydetoxingfromcaffeineandswitchingtootherbeveragetypes.Thisisnotarequirementtobecomingpresenthowever!It’sanideaworthknowingaboutand

possiblyexploringatsomepoint,however.Ifyoudon’twanttoquitcaffeine,findouttheoptimumlevel,theamountthathelpsyouto“zonein”onyourtaskwithoutbecomingjittery,nervous,ordistracted,foryourownneeds.Again,thisisaprocessoftrialanderroraswellasunderstandingyourownbody’sresponses.

Nowthatwe’veexploredhowfoodanddrinkrelatetopresence,let’sthinkaboutsleep.Theabsolutefirstmistaketoavoidhereisblindlysubscribingtoanideathattherightamountofsleepforallpeopleexists.Thisisabsolutelywrong.Dopeoplehavedifferentappetites?Differentphysicalcapabilities?Ofcourse!Hence,whyshouldtheyallneedthesameamountofsleep?

Understandthatthelengthofsleepisonlyonefactorinthepresencedevelopmentprocess.Thequalityofsleepmattersimmenselyaswell.Haveyoueversleptforashortperiodoftimeandfeltveryrestedandenergeticuponwaking,yetsleptforalongperiodoftimeandperhapsfeltsluggishandevensleepythenextday?Thisisclearproofthatmoresleepdoesnotequalmorerest.Itisnotthatsimple.

Improvingyoursleepiseasierinthemodernerathaniteverhasbeen.AlmosteveryonehasaSmartphone.Ifyoudo,thenyoucandownloadasleeptrackerapp.Thisusesyourphonetomonitoryoursleep.Youwillwakeuptoagraphdetailinghowmuchdeepsleepyougot,yoursleepcycle,andotherusefulpiecesofinformation.Theseappsarealsoabletotimeyourwakeninginanoptimumway.Thepointinyoursleepcycleatwhichyouwakeupisakeyfactorimpactingyourlevelsofalertness.Thisextraadvantagecangreatlyhelpwithpresence.

Consideringthelimitsofthe“traditional”sleepcycleisanotherwayoffurtheringyourpresencethroughsleepmodification.

Alotofpeoplefindthatsleepinginanunconventionalwayhelpsthemto

Alotofpeoplefindthatsleepinginanunconventionalwayhelpsthemtobecomemorefocused,andpresent,onlesssleep.

Anexamplewouldbehavingamainsleepperiodatnight,whichhappenstobeshorterthanthewidelypreachedmantraof“eighthours”foreveryone.Thesleeperthentopsthisupwithapowernaplaterintheday.Theseunconventionalsleeppatternsaretriedandtestedformanypeople.Lookintothemyourselfifyoufeelyourcurrentapproachtosleepisreducingthepresenceyoufeelinyourlife.

Nowthatthephysiologicalaspectsofpresencehavebeenexplored,let’scheckoutsomebehavioralwaysofbecomingpresent.

Meditationisanexcellenttoolthatcanhelpyoubecomepresent.Ifthewordmeditationgoesagainstyourliking,thinkofitinsteadasa“focusprocess.”Therearemany,manyvariationsofmeditation,sothereisalmostdefinitelyonesuitableforyououtthere.ItisnotallBuddhistorreligious,ifyouareworriedaboutthat.If,however,youfindspiritualmeditationappealing,thereareplentyofwaystoexplorethataswell.

Oneofthesimplestandbestformsofmeditationisfocusingonbreathing.Breathingissomethingthat,exceptinamedicalemergency,occurswithorwithoutourfocus.Unlikemanyotherinvoluntaryaspectsoflife,suchasourheartbeat,breathingcanalsobecontrolled.Ifyouwanttotakeadeepbreath,youcan.Ifyouwanttobreathequickly,that’sinyourpoweraswell.Sohowcanbreathingbeusedtohelpyoudevelopthecharismaticpowerofpresence?

Thetechniqueforusingbreathingasanimproveroffocusis,initially,tosimplybecomeawareofyourbreathing.Shiftyourattentiontoit.Reallyfeeleverystepofit-yourlungsfillingwithair,theprocessofexhaling,thesensationofyourbreathleavingandreenteringyourbody.Atwhatpointdoesaninhalationbecomeanexhalation?Simplyfocusonthis,asfullyasyoucan,forasetperiod

becomeanexhalation?Simplyfocusonthis,asfullyasyoucan,forasetperiodoftime.Startslowly,evenaimingforaslittleasaminuteaday.Asthisbecomeseasier,increasethetimegradually.Thisallowsyoutobuildyourpresenceasyouwouldamuscle—steadilyandsustainably.

Meditationdoesnothavetofocusonbreathingalone,however.Manypeoplefindguidedmeditationagreatoptiontohelpimprovetheirfocus.OneofthebestandmostaccessibleformsofguidedmeditationistodownloadanapporuseavideofoundontheInternet.Mostguidedmeditationsinvolvefollowingaseriesofrecorded,verbalinstructions.Theseinstructionswillusuallyfocusonteachingyoutobecomeself-aware,relaxed,andpresenttothemoment.

Physicalformsofmeditationarealsopossible.Forexample,goforawalkwillallowyoutofocusintenselyononephysicalsensation,suchasthegroundunderyourfeetortheairagainstyourface.Everytimeyoufindyourselfthinking,refocusonthephysicalsensation.Bydoingthis,youlearntobecomefocusedonthepresentmoment.Manypeoplepreferthistypeofmediation,orfocustraining,totraditionaltypes,particularlyiftheyareactiveandrestlessbynature.

TheImportanceofCompassion

Compassionisprobablythemostpolarizingoftheinternalaspectsofcharisma.Peoplehearingthatcompassionrelatestocharismaforthefirsttimeareeitherattractedorrepelled,rarelyreachingmiddleground.Ifyouareputoffbytheideaofcompassion,lookingatitinadifferentwaymighthelpyoutounderstandwhyitisanimportantelementofcharisma.

Onewayofseeingcompassionisinthetraditionalsense,viewingcompassionasaheartfelt,sincerecareforothers.Theotherwayofviewingcompassionisunderstandingwhatpeopleneed.Ifyouareputoffbythetraditionalviewofcompassion,thenseeingitinamorestrategic,Machiavellianlightmightemphasizeitsimportancetoyou.

Eitherway,compassionessentiallyboilsdowntothesametakeawaylesson—itisimportantforcharisma,ascompassionaidsinfluence.Whetheryoudothisfromaheartfeltoracalculatingperspectiveisentirelyyourchoice.Findingaformofcompassionthatworksforyouisanessentialaspectofbuildingyourcharismaticfoundation.

Whyisheartfeltcompassionusefulincharismaticterms?Ifyouwanttoleadpeople,itisaloteasiertodoiftheybelieveyouarelookingoutfortheirbestinterests.Akeypartofleadershipisconvincingpeopletofollowyouonajourney.Peoplearemuchmorelikelytodothisiftheyfeelthepersonsteeringtheshipcaresaboutthem.

Heartfeltcompassionisalsoimportantininterpersonalrelationships,eitherromanticorplatonic.Imagineactingcompassionatelytowardssomeone—itislikelytobeabreathoffreshair.Manypeopletodayviewaconversationas“waitingtoshowhowIamright.”Ifyoustepbackandaimtounderstandandcareforthepersonyouareinteractingwith,heorsheislikelytorespondpositivelytoyou.

Strategiccompassioncanalsobeusedintheworldofbusiness.Withoutasenseofstrategiccompassion,itisdifficulttoseekandachieveagenuinewin/winoutcome.Inordertothinkintermsofwin/win,itisvitaltohaveaclearunderstandingoftheotherparty’sneeds.Strategiccompassionis,therefore,anabsolutelyvitalbusinessskilltopossess.

GainingCompassion

Compassionisabroadtermandoneopentointerpretation.Tomakeitusefulforyourownpurposes,thefirststepistofigureoutthetypeofcompassionthatwillmakeyoumostcharismatic.Inordertoincreaseyourlevelsofheartfeltcompassion,youmaywanttobeginbylookingatyourbeliefs.Seeingeveryone

compassion,youmaywanttobeginbylookingatyourbeliefs.Seeingeveryoneasafellowhumanbeingisagoodplacetostart.Removingtheautomaticmodeofjudgingpeopleisanother.Justacceptingpeopleaspeople,ontheirownjourney,canlaythegroundworkforgenuineheartfeltcompassiontoemerge.

Ifyouarepushedbackbytheideaofbeingheartfelt,thinkofcompassionasyoulearninghowtoinfluenceanexploitablehumanresource.ThinkabouttheclassicmovieTheGodfather;byknowingsomeone’sneedsanddoingthemafavor,youownthem.Youwillbeabletogetthemtodoalotmoreforyou,furtherdowntheline,whenyouneedthemto.

TheImportanceofAcceptance

Thisisoneofthemostfundamentalaspectsoffulfillingthecompletecharismaticequation.Afailureto“accept”isamassiveroadblockthatwilldestroyyourjourneytowardsbeingcharismaticcompletely.Whatdoesthismean?

Charismaticleaders“accept”things,butonlyinanarrowsenseoftheword.Perhapswhenyouhearaccept,youhearsurrender,meekness,orpassivity.Thisisnotthecharismaticversionofacceptance.

Acceptingthingsinacharismaticwaymeansseeingthemastheyreallyareatthetime.Thismeansbeingcompletelyhonest,straightup,andnothingbutrealaboutwhatrealityisandwhatitmeans.

Wewillexaminethescenarioofacceptanceversusnon-acceptanceusingthescenarioofacompanyindecline.Acharismaticleaderutilizingthepowerofacceptancewouldbeabletoseethestateofbusinessasittrulywasratherthanhowheorshewisheditcouldbe.Notonlywouldhisorhercommitmenttothetruthpositionthepersoninawaywhichofferedthebestchanceofrecovery,buthisorheroverallcharismawouldassistthestaffonboardwiththeturnaround.

Aleaderwithouttheabilitytoacceptthingsfullywouldinsteadputsomeformofcognitivedistortionontothesituation.Heorshemayseethingsasbetterthantheyreallyareifthepersonbelievesinoptimismorasunrealisticallybad,ifheorshebelievesinexcessiveconservatism.

Toillustratethisideadifferently,let’staketheexampleofasickperson.Manysickpeopleareafraidtolearnabouttheirsymptomsandwouldrather“carryonbravely.”Often,thisendsupinpreventablehealthconditionsgrowing,spreading,anddestroyingtheirlifeinthelongrun.Ifthepersonwereabletofaceuptothingsintheearlystagesandacceptthem,heorshewouldhaveabetterchanceofrecovery.

GainingAcceptance

Thefirststeptobecomingacharismaticleader,whoisabletoacceptthingsastheyreallyare,istounderstandtheimportanceofdoingso.Findanillustrativeexamplethatresonatesforyou.Perhapsitisacceptanceasamedicallifesaverorasthekeytosavingacompanyfromfailure.Findwhicheverexampleworksforyouandfocusonitintently.

Afterunderstandingtheconceptonapersonal,intellectuallevel,trytorelateittosomeexperiencesinyourlife.Isthereatimeyoufaceduptosomethinganditbenefitedyoumorethanhidingawayfromitwouldhave?Perhapsthereisanoppositeexamplefromyourpast.Didyouhideawayfromacceptingthetruthofasituation,onlyforittoturnaroundandhurtyouinthelongrun?

Onceyouhavetheintellectualandpersonalhistoryofacceptance,startactivelypursuinganacceptingapproachinyourlife.Alotofcharismaticleaderskeepjournalstounderstandwhattheyarehandlingandnothandlingandtolearnlong-termlessonsfromtheiractions.

Ifyoubegintoactivelymakeaneffortinrecordingandunderstandingtimeswhereacceptancehasorhasnotoccurredandwhattheconsequenceshavebeen,thenitwillleadtoanongoingcultivationoftheacceptancehabit.Overtime,itwillbeincreasinglyingrainedintoyourpatternsofthoughtandbehavior,tothepointwhereyoudon’thavetoconsciouslyfocusonitanylonger.

TheImportanceofIntelligence

Itisnotpossibleforaleadertobetrulycharismaticwithoutintelligence,inoneformoranother,runningthroughthecoreoftheirbeing.

Whenalotofpeoplehearthis,theyscoff.PeopleassumeintelligencemeanshavingaPHDinastrophysicsorsomeotherintellectualvarietyofastuteness.Whilemanycharismaticleadersdoinfacthappentobeacademicallyexceptional,itisbynomeansaprerequisite.Therearemanyothervalidandpowerfulformsofintelligenceapersonmayhave.

Everydayacumenisaformofnon-academicintelligencethatcanservecharismawell.Let’slookattheexamplesofpeoplewholeaveschoolwithlittletonothingintheformofqualifications.Despitethis,suchpeopleseeanopportunity,makethemostofit,andsucceed.

WhenayoungRichardBransonleftschoolattheageofsixteen,hedidsowithapooracademicrecord.Inspiteofthis,henowhasanetworthofaround$5billion,aprivateisland,andalifefullofadventure,fun,andphilanthropy.

Otherpeoplemaybeastoundinglyandemotionallyintelligent.Thisformofcharismaispotentwhenleadingotherpeople.Ifsomeonecanspeaktoaperson’sheartandsouleloquently,itmattersnotwhattheirconventionalintellectreflects.Emotionalintelligenceissomethingthatservestruecharismaexcellently.

excellently.

Intelligenceissupportiveofmanyoftheothercharismaticfoundations,aswellastheactionsandwordsaspectsoftheCharismaticEquation.Withoutintelligence,itishardtounderstandbodylanguagecorrectly,hardtothinkintermsofstrategicwin/win,andalmostimpossibletobetrulycharismatic.

Adistinctionmustbedrawnbetweeninformationandintelligence.Someonewhosimplyknowsalot,butisunabletoimplementit,isnotintelligentinthecharismaticsenseoftheword.Truecharismaticintelligencecanbesummarizedas“knowingtherightamountofinformationtobeeffectiveinadesiredsituation.”

Let’slookatthisselective,focusedintelligencethroughtheeyesofaCEO.Heorsheislikelytoneedtohaveacertainunderstandingofthekeyconceptsofmanyareasofthebusinessbeingrun,butnotanin-depth,expertunderstandingofeveryarea.Knowingtheusefulaspectsofsomethingisakeytocharismaticintelligence.Collectinginformationforinformation’ssakeisdifferent.

GainingIntelligence

Ifyoubelievethatpeopleareeitherbornintelligentornot,youaremistaken.Whileitistruethatthereisageneticfactorinfluencing,butnotdetermining,conventionalIQintelligence,wehavealreadyestablishedtherearemanyotherformsofintelligencethatareusefulforcharisma.

Evenconventionalintelligencecanbecultivatedandimprovedupon.Keepingthebrainsharpthroughthepursuitofintellectualactivity,exercise,andnutritioncanhelpanysinglepersonmaximizetheirgeneticpotentialwithregardstointelligence.

Emotionalintelligencecanbecultivatedthroughtechniquessuchasthepursuitofactivelistening,acommitmenttoreademotionalcues,anacademic

ofactivelistening,acommitmenttoreademotionalcues,anacademicunderstandingofhowandwhyemotionsaffectpeople,andacommitmenttopracticingandimprovinguponemotionalintelligenceinthecourseofeverydaylife.

Toacquirepracticalintelligence,suchasthebusinessacumenofRichardBranson,thereareafewthingsyoucantry.Itistruethatmanyentrepreneursshowagiftforprofitablebehaviorfromayoungage.Thisisbynomeansthewholestory,however.ColonelSanders,ofKentuckyFriedChickenfame,didnotfranchisethecompanyuntilhewasinhismid-60s!Ifyouareusingageasanexcusefornotpursuingpracticalintelligence,youareonlyholdingbackyourselfandyourcharismaticpotential.

Chapter4:ExternalFoundations:UnderpinningCharisma’sOuterDimension

Inthischapteryouwilllearnabouttheouterdimensionsofcharismathatunderpinallofthespecifictraits,techniques,andtipsyouwilllearnaboutlaterinthebook.Justastheprecedingchaptershowedtheinternalthoughtprocesses,attitudes,andmindsetsthatarethefoundationoftheentirecharismaticequation,thischapterdealswiththe“externalfoundations”thatunderpinbothcharismaticactionsandwords.

Whatexactlydoesthismean?Well,throughoutourexplorationofcharisma,youwillwitnessthe“internalaspect”inalloftheouteraspects.Forexample,acharismaticleaderwillspeakwithcompassion,intelligence,andpresence.Theseareallinnertraitsmanifestedinanexternalway.Youwillseeelementsofeverythinginthischapterthroughoutthebook;however,itisusefultofirstunderstandtheseideasfortheirownsakebeforeyouunderstandhowtheyareapplied.

ComfortintheSpotlight

Oneofthehallmarksofacharismaticleaderiscomfortwhentheyfindthespotlightisonthem.Peopleoftenthinkofanattentionseekeroregotisticalpersonwhentheyhearthisconcept.Therealityisverydifferentthough.Charismaticleadersdonot“need”thespotlighttobeonthem.Theyare,however,comfortablewhenithappenstobe.

Howdoesthiseaseinthespotlightrelatetotheouteraspectsofcharisma?Animportantmanifestationofbeingcomfortableasthefocusofsomeone’s,ormanypeople’sattention,isanabilitytohavecharismaticbodylanguage.Thespecificdetailsofhowtousecharismaticbodylanguagecanbefoundlaterin

thebook.Fornow,theideaofcharismaticbodylanguagewillbeusedtoshowtheimportanceofbeingateaseinthespotlight.

Imaginestandinginfrontofalargeaudience,givingatalk,suchasanaddressatalargecompanyevent,forexample.Whatwouldcharismaticbodylanguagelooklike?Thecharismaticleaderwouldshowanabilitytobeopen,energized,present,andexpressive.Heorsheisabletomoveacrossthestageatease,withoutawkwardnessorself-doubt.Watchatalkdeliveredbyanyofthegreatspeakersofthemodernera,suchasTonyRobbinsorEricThomas,towitnessthepowerofbeingcomfortableinfrontofanaudienceforyou.

Totakeoneexample,thereisaTEDtalkfromTonyRobbinsdeliveredtoanincrediblyinfluentialaudiencethatwouldintimidatemanypeople.NotTonythough!Duringthecourseofthetalk,hewasincrediblyatease.SpottingAlGoreinthecrowd,hecasuallyinteractedwithhiminawarm,open,andattentiveway.TonyRobbinswassoatease,heevenrandowntothecrowdatonepointandhigh-fivedAlGore.Thisisalmosttheepitomeofcomfortinthespotlight.

Let’scontrastthischarismaticexampleofcomfortinthespotlightwithaleader,orspeaker,wholacksthiscomfortinthefaceofattention.Haveyoueverhadateacher,professor,orbosswhojustcannotcaptivatetheattentionofanaudience?Thisisoftenduetodiscomfortatbeingthefocusofattention.Whenapersonisnervous,reserved,andworried,thisisevidentinthewayheorshestands,speaks,andtheamountof“warmth”or“energy”theyareabletoprotect.Aleaderlackingcomfortinthespotlightisunabletoinspireoreveninterestthosetheyspeakto.Theircharismaisalmostclosetonon-existent.

Comfortinthespotlightisnotonlyanimportantexternalfoundationfordeliveringspeechesandtalks.Itisalsoabsolutelyakeyfactorforpressuredinterpersonalsituations.Jobinterviews,particularlypanelinterviews,areentirelymadeeasierwhenthepersonbeinginterviewedpossessescomfortinthe

entirelymadeeasierwhenthepersonbeinginterviewedpossessescomfortinthespotlight.Theinternalcharismaticdimensionofpresencesupportsthisexternalfoundationheavily.Ifsomeoneisabletobepresentinthemoment,theyarelikelytofocusentirelyonrespondingtointerviewquestionswithwarmth,attention,andexpressiveness.Contrastthiswithsomeonewhoisnotpresent.Theirdistracted,panickedmindislikelytobesobusydoubtingitselfthatthepersonbecomesincrediblynervous,self-conscious,anddesperatetoleavethespotlight.

Anypressuredsituationatallisaidedbycomfortinthespotlight.Thisisalsoapplicableintheworldofinterpersonalandromanticrelationships.Imagineafirstdatescenario;oneofthekeymistakesthatalotofnon-charismaticpeoplemakeinthissituationislettingtheirinneranxietyandfearleakoutintotheirwords,behaviors,andgestures.Thisinturnlosesthedate'sattractiontothem.

Askanymanorwomaniftheyfindconfidence,andparticularlycomfortduringattention,asattractive.Themajorityofpeoplewillfindthisanappealingtraitinbothmenandwomen.Thisisn’tbecauseexhibitingcomfortissomehowinherentlysexy.Whatitsaysaboutaperson,however,isdeeplyattractive.Sowhatdoesdisplayingcomfortsayaboutsomeoneonadeeperlevel?

Theunderlyingmessagesrepresentedbyadisplayofcomfortinthespotlightare:“IamOKwithmyself,Iamhappy,andIhavemylifetogethersoIdon’tmindwhenpeoplefocusonme.”

Contrastthiswiththebehaviorofsomeonewhoshiesawayfromthespotlight.Heorsheisusuallylikelytodosoduetotheirworry,self-doubt,andgeneralunease.Theunderlyingmessagescommunicatedbynervousbehaviorare“Iamunsureaboutmyself,IamworriedIamnotgoodenoughforyou,andIwouldratheryoudon’tfocusonme.”

Whenexploredatthisdeeperlevelofsubcommunication,theimportanceof

Whenexploredatthisdeeperlevelofsubcommunication,theimportanceofcomforttocharismamakesalotofsense.Thinkaboutyourfavoriteperformer,perhapsamusicianorcomedian.Ifyouwatchoneperformanceyouarelikelytoseehowthecomfortlevelenhancesthecontent.Rockstarsareusedtobeingunderthespotlight,literally,ofteninarenaswiththousandsoffansexpectingagoodreturnonthemoneytheypaidforaticket.Imagineifarockstarlookedworried,sad,orunsureofwhatheorshewasdoing.Itwouldkillthemagicoftheperformance.Theaudiencewouldbecomedistractedbythebehavioroftheperformerandloseappreciationforthemusicitself.

Contrastthisideaofanervousperformerwithonewhoiswhollyateaseandexpressiveunderthespotlight.Thisperformerisso“inthemoment,”orpresent,thatheorshereallyletgoandbeexpressiveduringtheperformance.Thisenergytransfersdirectlyontotheaudienceandfreesthemtoalsofeelcomfortableandenjoytheperformancecompletely.

Whateveryouhappentodoinlifeisyour“performance.”Ifyouaretryingtowinsomeoneoveronadateorleadingaprofessionalteamduringacrisis,youareperforming.Thelevelofcomfortyouexhibitduringyourperformanceislikelytohaveakeyimpactonitssuccessandthewayitisreceived.

CultivatingComfortinTheSpotlight:PracticalIdeas

Youmighthavereadthelastsectionandunderstoodtheimportanceandappealofacharismaticleaderwhoexhibitsgreatlevelsofcomfortwhenthespotlightison.Youmight,however,haveworriedthatthisdidnotsoundlikeyou.Ifthatisthecase,don’tworry;likeeveryaspectoftheCharismaticEquation,youcanworkhardonimprovingitforyourself.

Asinanything,comfortissomethingthatbecomesmorenaturalwithrepetition.Itis,therefore,agoodideatoseekoutasmany“underthespotlight”experiencesaspossible.Bydoingthis,youincreaseyourleveloffamiliaritywithpressure

aspossible.Bydoingthis,youincreaseyourleveloffamiliaritywithpressureandyourabilitytothriveunderit.Whenapressuredsituationmakesitswayintoyourlife,whichitinevitablywill,youwillbereadytofaceit.

Sowhatarethetypesofexperiencesyoucanseekout?Givingtalksorspeechesisoneofthemostbeneficialandrapidwaystoimproveyourcomfortinthespotlight.Therearemanydifferentorganizationsthatarededicatedtohelpingsomeonetofeelateaseinfrontofanaudience.Tofindoutaboutthese,itisworthsearchingonlineunderpublicspeaking(yourlocalarea).Thereisagoodchanceyouwillbeabletofindpeopletohelpyoudevelopthischarismaticqualityinasupportiveandusefulenvironment.

Puttingyourselfjustbeyondtheedgeofyourcomfortzoneisanotherpowerfulwaytoachievegreatereaseinthespotlight.Ifthereissomethingyouareparticularlyscaredof,confrontit.Forexample,whenitcomestoworkingout,alotofpeopleareafraidtodoitbecausetheydon’twanttobejudgedbyothers.Ifthisisyou,trythistechniqueofconfrontingyouranxiety.Itwillhelpyouovercomeyourfearinasinglehourifyoufullycommittoit.Dressinsomeworkoutwearthatissuitable,butnottootame,perhapsabrightNikeshirt.Gorunninginapublicplaceforaslongasyoucan.Evenifyouareout-of-shape,trythis.Youwillnoticethatyourworstfearsdonotcometrue.Peoplearesobusyintheirownlifethattheyareunabletopayyouanyattention.

Byforcingyourselfintosituationssuchasexercisinginpublic,youtrainyourbodyandpsychetofeelnaturallyandautomaticallyateasewhentheattentionisonyou.Dependingonyourlevelsofbravery,youcantakethistoextremes.Whatdoesanextremewayofbuildingconfidencelooklike?

Let’ssayyouhaveafearoftalkingtostrangers.Arapidandpowerfulwaytoovercomethisistogoouttoabar,nightclub,orothersocialvenueappropriateforinteraction.Makeapromisetoyourselftostrikeuptenpoliteconversationsbeforeyouleave.Ifyoufollowthesetechniques,youwillnoticethatyour

confidenceinthespotlightincreasesinmanyareasofyourlife.Overcominginsecurityinoneareafiltersthroughautomaticallytotheothers.

Anothergreattechniqueforbecomingmorecomfortableinthespotlightistoseekoutamentororadvisorofsomekind.Thiscouldbesomeoneyoumeetwithinpersonorsomeonewhoinspiresyousecondhand,suchasthroughtheirbooksorvideos.Ideally,youwillfindsomeonewhohasbeenthroughthesamejourneyyouaretryingtomakeandhassucceeded.Findingapersonlikethisallowsyourmindandbodytorealizethatdifficultsituationsarenotimpossible.Theycanbeachievedandthereareplentyofpeopleouttherewhowillhelpyouinthispursuit.

Ifyoutakeactionontheseideas,besuretolookbackandappreciatewhatyouhaveachieved.Allowyourselftofeelhappinessatyourprogressandbravery.Also,understandthatthisprocessisa“snowballeffect”scenario.

Takingthefirstsmallstepsisthehardestpartoftheprocess.Afteryouhavetakenthisinitialleapoffaith,youwilldeveloptheroutineofbecomingmoreconfidentandalsobenefitfromtheresultsyouwitness.

Extroversion

Extroversioniscloselyrelatedtocomfortinthespotlight,butismorewidelyapplicable.Likemanytermsinpopularusage,extroversionisonewhichmanypeoplewillusewithoutunderstanding.Thus,let’sbeginbyexploringthetruedifferencesbetweenintrovertsandextroverts.

Manypeoplemistakenlyassociateextroversionandintroversionwiththebehaviorsofthepeoplewhoexhibitthem.Intheeyesofmany,extrovertsarelikelytobetalkingtolotsofpeople,whileintrovertsaretimidlypursuingtheirownsolitarypastimes.Thisisfarfromthetruth.Sowhatactuallymakessomeoneanextrovertoranintrovert?

someoneanextrovertoranintrovert?

Thedefinitionofbeinganintrovertorextrovertisnotreliantuponsomeonedoingonethingoranother,butratheruponhisorherresponsetodifferentactivities.Thekeyiswhetherapersonfeelsmorecomfortableand“recharged”afteratimearoundpeopleoratimeontheirown.

Manypeoplewhoarenaturallyintrovertedareforcedintosituationswheretheymayseemtobe,fromanoutsiderperspective,extroverts.Whatstopsthisfrombeingtrueisthefactthat,internally,theyareunhappyanduncomfortablewiththeextrovertbehaviorstheyareexhibiting.

Theconverseprincipleappliestonaturalextrovertsforcedintosolitarylifestyles.Whydoyouthinksolitaryconfinementisseenassuchanextremepunishment?

Now,howdoesextroversionaidcharisma?Asyoulearnedearlier,beingcharismaticcannotoccurinisolation.Acharismaticleaderwhodoesnotleadothersisonly“internally”or“potentially”charismatic.Beingaroundpeople,andfeelinggoodduringtheexperience,isakeypartofcharismaticleadership.

Inordertobepresent,comfortable,andconfident,itisimportantthatthecharismaticindividualisinternallypositiveaboutwhatishappening.Excessiveintroversion,suchasseeinginteractionasachoreratherthanapleasure,isoneofthemainroadblockstobeingcharismatic.

ExploringExtroversion

Nowthatwehaveconsideredthenatureofextroversionandhowitisconducivetocharisma,let’sconsidersomeofthewaysinwhichpeoplecanbecomemoreextroverted.

Likealmostanyothercharismatictrait,thereisagoodprobabilitythatgenetics,

Likealmostanyothercharismatictrait,thereisagoodprobabilitythatgenetics,earlyenvironment,etc.,inclinedyoutowardseitherintroversionorextroversion.Likeanythingelseinlife,thisisnotanexcuseforovercomingit.

Aretherewaysforenhancingextroversionforthosewhoalreadypossessit?Inaddition,isitinitiallyattainableforseriousintroverts?Exploringwaystoanswerthesequestionswillhelptoexplainhowtobecomemoreextroverted.

Ifyoualreadyfeelasifyouareanextrovert,oratleasthaveasidetoyourselfwhichcouldbedescribedasextroverted,itisimportanttogainadeeperunderstandingofthis.Whataboutyouisextroverted?Howhasithelpedyou?Howcanyouincreasetheextrovertedsideofyouwhiledecreasingtheintrovertedside?

Likealmostanyotheraspectofcharisma,thetraits,actions,andwordsaren’tinherentlybetter—theyjusthelpyoubecomemorecharismatic.Extroversionisnodifferent;however,ifyouwanttobecomeanextrovertorampupyourexistingextroversion,itisimportanttotrainyourmindtofocusonthebenefitsofextroversionandtheharmsofintroversion.

Ifyoufeelyouareincredibly,oratleastmostly,introverted,it’simportanttoberealisticaboutthespeedofyourtransitionintoextroversion.Don’texpecttogofromshytothemostconfidentpersoninacrowdovernight.Setsmall,achievablestepstowardsyourgoalandrewardyourselfforfollowingthem.

Itisalsoimportanttorealizethatintroversionandextroversionarenot“allornothing.”Ifyoufindyourselfslippingbackwardsattimes,don’tworry.Thinkaboutyourprogressionasalinechart;aslongasitistrendingupwardsovertime,minorsetbacksarenottoodetrimentaltolong-termsuccess.

Avaluableinfluenceonyourlevelsofextroversionisyourpeergroup.Ifyousurroundyourselfwithextrovertedpeople,theirbehaviorisnaturallyboundtotransferontoyouovertime.Ifyouwanttoencouragesomething,suchas

transferontoyouovertime.Ifyouwanttoencouragesomething,suchasextroversion,withinyourself,makeityour“newnormal.”Bydoingthis,youallowextroversiontobecome“fittingin”andintroversiontobecome“awkwardlystandingout.”Thisisincrediblypowerfulinthelongrun.

Attention

Attentioncanbeunderstoodastheoutwardmanifestationofpresence.Presenceistheabilitytobeinthemomentonyourownorwithothers.Attentionistheabilitytotransferthisinternalpresenceoutwardsinavarietyofdifferentscenarios.Wewillexplorehowthisisusefulforcharisma,howitappliestodifferentaspectsoflife,andhowyoucanimproveyourownlevelsofattention.

Alloftheinternalaspectsofattentionhavebeencoveredcomprehensivelyinthebook’ssectiononpresence.Sowhataresomeoftheexamplesofhowthisinnerpresencecanbeusedintheformofoutwardattention?

Onesituationinwhichattentionisinvaluableiswhenyouareinteractingwithsomeoneonaone-to-onebasis.Thepersonislikelytofeelmorecomfortablewithyou,moreopentoyou,andmoregratefulabouthavinginteractedwithyouandyourfullattention.So,howcanthisoccur?

Oneaspectofpayingsomeoneattentionistolistenactivelytowhattheyaresaying.Thisinvolvesbothverbalandnonverbalaspectsoflistening.Ifsomeonemakesapoint,takethetimetorephraseitslightlyandcheckyouhaveunderstoodtheirmeaning.Thisshowsalevelofinterestandcareabouttheirwords;insteadofyouarenotjustsittingthere,countingdownthesecondsuntilitisyourturntospeak.

Attentioncanalsobeprovidedbyyourphysicalpresenceduringaninteraction.Fidgeting,lookingawayexcessively,checkingyourphone—theseareallwaystoinstantlydestroyanyattentionyouhavemanagedtoconveyuntilthatpoint.

toinstantlydestroyanyattentionyouhavemanagedtoconveyuntilthatpoint.

Attentionisequallyimportantfortasksasitisforpeople.Themoderneraisthehardestevertofocusin.WeareconstantlyfacingthetemptationofSmartphonesandsocialnetworksandendlesswaystoprocrastinateandletthesecondsofourlivesgotowaste.

Payingattentiontoourtasksisatwofoldprocess-first,figureoutexactlywhatyouneedtodoinanygivenday,week,orothertimeperiod,andtheorderinwhichitshouldbedone.Then,committoitandgiveityourfullenergyandeffort,intheirproperorder.Thisisfareasiersaidthandone,sowhatmakesthisprocessachievable?

Inordertofacilitateyourattentiontotasks,beverystrictanddisciplinedwithyourself.Forexample,makeastrictruleof“noFacebookforfourhours,ornostoppinguntilIreachmytargetfortoday.”Tomakethiseasier,attachmassivementalsignificancetoyourworksuchasfrequentlyremindingyourselfofalltherewardsyouwillenjoyafterhandlingyourtasks.Remindyourselfthateverysecondspentscrollingthroughsocialmediaisoneyouwillnevergetback.

Onlybyreframingthewayinwhichyouseeworkwillyoubeabletogiveityourfullattention,passion,andenergy.

Chapter5:TheCharismaticKey:Confidence

Asofyet,wehaveexploredtheimportanceofcharisma,whatitreallyis,theelementsthatformtheCharismaticEquation,andtheinternalandexternalfoundationsforbecomingcharismatic.

YoucanconsiderthebookupuntilthispointtobeCharisma101.Now,youwilltakethingstothenextlevel.Theremainingchaptersexplain,explore,andapplythemostpowerfulcharismatictechniquesinexistence.Thereisonekeythatisessentialtomaketherestofthebookwork—confidence.

Iftheinnerdimensionsarecharisma’sskeleton,theouterdimensions,itslimbs,arederivedfromconfidence—thelifebloodessentialforeverythingtoworkasitshould.

YouCanBeConfident

Let’sstartbyaddressingthemostimportanttopicrelatedtoconfidence—thenecessityofseeingitasalearnableskill.Thebiggestandmostpowerfulblockageofbecomingconfidentisabeliefthatpeopleareoraren’tconfidentandchangingthisisn’tbeingtruetowhoIam.Thisisahugeerrorthatwillcauseuntoldamountsofpainandfrustrationinaperson’slifeiftheydonotfixit.

Confidenceisnodifferenttobodyfat,forexample.Yourlevelofconfidenceissomethingyouhaveaccumulatedasaresultofyourlifechoicesmixedwithyourgeneticpredisposition.Wouldyoutellyourself“beingfatisjustwhoIam?”Hopefullynot;justbecauseconfidenceislessvisiblethanbodyfat,itdoesnotmakeitanylessimportanttocontrolandinfluencetoworkinyourfavor.

Likealmostanyaspectofhumanbehavior,confidencehasaninnerandanouter

Likealmostanyaspectofhumanbehavior,confidencehasaninnerandanouterdimension.Inthebook’searlierchapterexploringtheinnerdimensionsofcharisma,personalpowerwasexploredasoneofthemostimportantinnerdimensionsofcharismapossible.Confidencecanbeseenastheoutwardmanifestationofpersonalpower.Thankfully,boththeinnerandouteraspectsofconfidencecanbelearned,understood,andapplied.Thesectiononpersonalpowerdealswiththeinneraspectsofconfidence.

Self-confidence

Self-confidencecanbeunderstoodasthewaysinwhichpeople’sinherentself-beliefandfeelingsofpersonalpowerareexpressedoutwardly.Whataresomeofthesituationsinwhichthisbecomesrelevant?Whendealingwiththeabilitytoacceptcompliments,theabilitytotrustyourowndecisionregardlessofthejudgmentofothers,andtheneedtoavoidbraggingandseekingvalidation.Dealingwithcomplimentsgraciouslyissomethingthatisaclearpointofdifferentiationbetweencharismaticpeopleandpeoplelackingcharisma.

Ifsomeonewhohasagoodlevelofself-confidenceiscomplimented,heorshewillacceptthecomplimentinagraciousandwarmwayandarelikelytosincerelythankthepersoncomplimentinghimorherandmoveon.Thecomplimentisappreciated,butnotoverlyimportanttoatrulyself-confidentperson.

Someonelackinginself-confidenceisfarlesslikelytorespondcharismaticallytoacompliment.Ifsomeonecomplimentssomeonewithlowself-confidence,theresponseislikelytogooneoftwoways.Thefirstresponseisthepersonreceivingthecomplimentrejectingitentirely.Let’slookatanexampleofthis.

Person1:“Nicejobtoday,welldone.”

Person2(withlowself-confidence):“No,Ididn’tdoagoodjob,Imadealotof

mistakes.AnyonecouldhavedonewhatIdid,butbetter.”

So,whatisgoingoninthissituation?Thepersonwithlowself-confidencedoesnotbelieveinwhotheyareandwhattheyarecapableofdoing.Therefore,whencomplimented,heorsheisunabletosimplyacceptitandmoveonduetoalowself-worth,makingacomplimentunacceptabletothem.

Thesecondpossibleresponsetoacomplimentbysomeonewithlowself-esteemistoturnthecomplimentbackonthepersongivingit,butinanexcessiveway.Let’slookatanexample.

Person1:“Cooloutfit.”

Person2(withlowself-confidence):“No,it’snot,yoursiswaycooler.Ilovehowyoulook,IwishIwasyou.”

Thisisacombinationofverylowself-worthcoupledwithadesiretopleaseotherstoadegradingextent.

Sonowthatwe’velookedatexamplesofhowlowself-confidencecanmanifestinrelationtocompliments;inthefirstcase,thepersonwassincerelytryingtobepositiveandfriendly.Byhavingsuchanegativeresponseoffered,thisintentionwasruinedintwoways.First,thepersonfeelsdejectedandhisorhermoodlowersasaresultofthepersonwithlowself-confidencetransferringhisorheremotionsontothem.Secondly,thesituationisincrediblysociallyawkward,asknowinghowtorespondisdifficult.Asimplesituationcansuddenlybecomeaminefield.Thisislikelytoresultinthepersonwithlowself-confidencebeingavoidedinthefutureasaresult.

Dealingwithdecision-makingisanotherwayinwhichself-confidence,orlackthereof,impactsuponaperson’slife.Ifapersonisselfconfident,heorsheislikelytotrustintheirowndecisionmaking,evenifotherpeoplegoagainstit.

likelytotrustintheirowndecisionmaking,evenifotherpeoplegoagainstit.

Let’ssay,forexample,someonewithhighself-confidencehasmadeaparticularlifestylechoice,perhapstryingoutanewdietoranewformofexercise.Evenifeveryoneinhisorherpeergroupdisagreeswiththischoice,thehighlyconfidentpersonwillcontinuewithitregardless.Defensivenessorangerwillnotcloudthemind;instead,heorshewilljustcalmlypersistwiththedecision,trustinginhisorherjudgment.

Someonewithlowself-confidence,ontheotherhand,isveryunsureofhimorherself,aswellashisorherfeelingsandbeliefs.Eagertoimpressothers,thispersonisquicktochangetheintendedcourseofactioninhisorherlifeorpreviouslyheldbeliefs.Thisis,obviously,incrediblydangerous.Someonewhosebeliefsandactionsaresoeasilyswayedisunabletocommittoanything,particularlyinthelong-term.Thisweaknessandindecisionisantitheticaltocharismaanditspractice.

Thefinalpracticalaspectrelatedtoself-confidenceisvalidationseeking.Haveyouevermetsomeoneinlifewholivestobeapprovedandlikedbyothers?Therearevariouswaysthiscantakeplace.Somepeopleareconstantlytryingtodominateaconversationwithoverzealoustalesoftheirownachievementsandimportance.

Notonlythis,suchpeoplereactextremelywelltobeingpraisedandextremelypoorlytobeingcriticized.Thistypeofbehaviorisknownas“validationseeking,”asymptomofpeoplenotknowingorbelievingthattheyareinherentlygoodenough.Theyrelyonotherstofillthatdoubtforthem.

Validationseekingisnotatraityouwillfindinpeoplewithhighlevelsofself-confidence.LookattruegreatslikeSteveJobs;duringhisfamouspresentations,didheeverbrag,boast,ordemandpraisefromothers?No.Hejustrelentlesslypursuedhisidealsandvisionandletthechipsfallwheretheymay.

SteveJobs’isagoodexampleofsomeonewithhighlevelsofself-confidenceandvoidoftheneedtoseekvalidationfromothers.Peoplewhoalreadyknow,accept,andstrivetoimprovewhotheyaredonothavetobereliantonothersforhowtheyfeel.Theyhavetakenthetimetoacquireagoodlevelofself-understanding,whichinturnleadstotheirself-confidence.

Thefirststeptobecomingself-confidentisgettingtoknowandacceptyourself.Thisinvolveshavinganhonestandclearunderstandingofwhoyouare,whatyoudo,andwhyyoudoit.

Thisunderstandingshouldbereasonedandbackedbyexperience.Suchanunderstandingisthenrocksolidandnotsusceptibletojudgmentorinfluencebyothers.Bygainingthislevelofself-confidence,youwillbeabletocontinuethroughlifewithoutneedingorwantingtheapprovalofothers.Avoidingvalidationseekingduetolowself-confidenceisabsolutelyvitalforbecomingcharismatic.

Tobeacharismaticleader,peopleneedtofeellikefollowingyouisagood,secure,andbeneficialoption.Followingsomeonewhoissoweaktheyneedtoconstantlybemadetofeelgoodbyotherpeopleisnotanattractiveoptionforanyoneworthleading.

Situationalvs.CoreConfidence

Anotherkeyconceptinrelationtocharismaistheideaofconfidencebeingeither“situational”or“core”innature.Manypeoplewronglybelievethatpeopleeitherhavesituationalorcoreconfidence,notboth.Thisisinaccurate.

Aperson’scoreconfidenceistheirbaselevelofconfidence,whichtheycarryoutatalltimes,regardlessofwheretheyareorwhattheyaredoing.Thisistheneitherincreasedordecreasedslightlybasedonthesituationalconfidence

relevanttoanygivencontext.Theseideasbecomeclearerthroughtheuseofexamples.

First,let’sunderstandcoreconfidence.Thisissomeone’sbaselevelofself-confidence,personalpower,andgeneralcertaintyandefficacyinlife.Itisintrinsicratherthanextrinsic—itisnotreliantonfactorsoutsideoftheperson.

Someonewithahighlevelofcoreconfidenceischarismaticinawiderangeofsituations.Theyareabletousetheircoreconfidencetoexudecharismaandinfluence,nomatterwhattheparticularrealityinfrontofthematthetime.

Signsofthishighdegreeofcoreconfidencecanbeseenthroughouthistory.Leaderswhoareasabletoleadinthegoodtimesastheyareinthebadarethemostusefultoorganizationsandthepeoplewithinthem.

Situationalconfidencerelatestotheenvironmentalboost,orloss,thataperson’scoreconfidenceexperiencesdependingonthecircumstancefacing.Forexample,thinkofaprofessorwhoisverywellrespectedwithinaspecificuniversity.Withinthatenvironment,heisconfident,asheisafigureofauthorityandrespect.Placedinanunfamiliarenvironment,suchasanightclub,hisconfidencemaydecreasesignificantlyduetothelackofcontextualfactors,whichprovidedhissituationalconfidence.

Sohowdoesanidealcharismaticleadermakethebestuseofbothcoreandsituationalconfidence?Simplybycombiningthemforamaximumadvantage;bydevelopingcoreconfidence,overtime,thecharismaticleaderensurestobereliantononlyhisorherself,experiences,andhistoryfortheconfidencetheyfeeleachandeveryday.Ontopofthis,understandinghowtodrawsituationalconfidencefromarangeofdifferentenvironmentsallowstheleadertheabilitytotopuphisorheralreadyhighcoreconfidence.Forexample,acharismaticleaderthatisabletowintheheartsandmindsofdifferenttypesofaudiencesdrawssituationalconfidencefromdifferentcontexts.

drawssituationalconfidencefromdifferentcontexts.

Thinkofapersonwhoisrespectedwithinhisorherfamily,workplace,andreligiousinstitution.Eachofthesesituationsdiffers,yettherespectedpersonisabletomakeallofthemservehisorherownlevelsofconfidence.

ContinuousConfidenceImprovement

Theideaofcontinuousimprovementisoriginallyfoundinthemacro,ororganizational,contextofbusiness.Itreferstotheideaofmakingqualityanongoingaimofanorganization,withthecompanymakingsmall,yetpowerful,changesonaneverendingbasis.

Continuousimprovementcanbepowerfullyappliedtothecultivationofcharismaticconfidence.Thisisachievedbyseeingconfidenceasajourney,ratherthanadestination.Whatmattersistakingactiontowardsimprovingbothcoreandsituationalconfidence,atalltimes,andneverallowingprogresstostagnate.Thisideaofcontinuousimprovementisespeciallyusefulasitallowspeopleseekingcharismatohaveablueprintformovingforward,nomatterthelevelofconfidencetheyhappentohavealreadyachieved.

Topursuecontinuousconfidenceimprovement,itisvitaltofocussincerelyonassessingbothcoreandsituationalconfidencefromtheperspectiveof:Howaretheseservingme?Wherearemyweakestareas?WhatpracticalstepscanItaketoimprove?Whatwillmymeasuresofsuccessbe?

Keepingtrackofcontinuousimprovementeffortsinajournal,oranyotherformat,isagreatwaytoensureprogressisongoing,understood,anduseful.Bychroniclingconfidenceinthisway,thecharismaticleaderisabletodrawuponpersonalexperiencesandtrackrecordatanygiventime.Thisoffersthemarangeofusefulreferenceexperiencestodrawupon.Insightintothelessonsofthepast,intermsofwhathasandhasn’tworked,isalsoanimportantelementof

thepast,intermsofwhathasandhasn’tworked,isalsoanimportantelementofthis.

WhyConfidenceistheLifebloodofCharisma

Asdiscussedearlierinthischapter,confidencecanbeconsideredanalogoustothe“bloodofcharisma.”Thisisn’tsimplyanemptyidea;confidenceplaysasupportive,sustaining,andstrengtheningroleineveryotheraspectoftheCharismaticEquation.

Confidenceisabsolutelyessentialinacquiringandincreasingtheinternalfoundationsofcharisma.Withoutastrongconfidenceinwhytheseinternalaspectsareneeded,itisalmostimpossibletopursuethemwithanydedicationorcommitment.Italsohelpspeopletopersistthroughdifficulties,especiallyinrelationtothemorehardtograspaspectsofconfidence,suchaspresence.

Theouterfoundationsofcharisma,suchastheabilitytostepoutsideofone’scomfortzone,faceuptofears,andpushthroughbarriers,areallabsolutelyreliantonsufficientconfidencebeinginplace.Withoutconfidence,peoplearelikelytofeeldejected,jaded,anddiscouraged.

Charismaisabsolutelydependentontheleaderhavingsufficientunderstandingandusageofthevarioustypesofconfidencedescribedinthischapter.Asyouprogressthroughthebook,thinkoftheimportanceofconfidenceineveryideayoucomeacross.Considerhowanunderstandingofconfidence,andaproperapplicationofit,canleadtocharisma’spowerincreasingexponentially.

Chapter6:CharismaticBodyLanguage

Charismaticbodylanguageisoneofthemostimpactfulaspectsofcharismaticleadership.Knowinghowtoholdoneselfinanygivensituationisanaspectofinfluencethatsetsapartcharismaticleadersfrommereleaders.

Inthischapter,thedetailedaspectsofcharismaticbodylanguagewillbeexploredaswellashowtousetheseaspectseffectively.Youwillbegiventhetheorybehindthebodylanguagetips,examplesofwhentouseeachtechnique,andanunderstandingofhowbodylanguagesupportsandreinforcesotheraspectsofcharisma.

WhyActionsSpeakLouderThanWords

Thehumanmindisdesignedtoderivemeaningfromthedetailsofcommunicationoutsideofactualwordsspoken.Hence,someone’sbodylanguage,andtoneofvoice,areoftenmoreindicativeofhisorhermeaningandmessageratherthantheactualchosenwords.

Thinkaboutthephrase“GoodMorning;”dependingonhowitisspokenandthebodylanguageofthepersonsayingit,itcanmeanalmostanythingfrom,“Hello,mygoodfriend,”throughto“Leavemealone.Iamfeelingverysadtoday.”

Justlikeeveryotheraspectofcharisma,andtheequationthatunderpinsit,bodylanguageismostcharismaticandeffectivewhenitisusedincongruentharmonywithotheraspectsofaperson’scommunicativeefforts.EveryaspectoftheCharismaticEquationworksinharmonywiththeothers.Quitesimply,acongruentequationisparalleltogreatercharisma.

Tounderstandthisideaoftheequationformingacongruent,reinforcing,unitedstructure,ratherthanmentionalloftheaspects,wewillfocusonafewspecific

structure,ratherthanmentionalloftheaspects,wewillfocusonafewspecificaspectsforthesakeofsimplicity.

Let’sbeginbypicturingaleaderdeliveringaspeech.Thisleaderhappenstohavehighlevelsofpresenceandcompassion,whichtheyhaveattainedthroughtheirpursuitoftheinnerfoundationsofcharisma.This,inturn,isreinforcedbythewarm,expressiveattentiontheygivetotheiraudience—theoutermanifestationoftheirinnerfoundations.

Thisgeneralattitudeisthenfurtherenhancedbyanintelligentandemotionallyimpactfulchoiceoflanguage,deliveredthroughbodilystance,andinatoneofvoice,whicharetotallyinharmonywiththeleader’sinternalandexternalcharisma.

Theaboveexampleshowshowcharismaismaximizedwheneveryelementworkstosupporteveryother.Ifsomeoneisdeliveringanemotionallyenergeticchoiceofwords,butstandingandspeakinginawaythatisdullandflat,themessagelosesitscongruenceandimpact.Thefollowingaresomespecificaspectsofbodylanguage,andhowtousethemcongruentlyforthemaximumcharismaticeffect.

Stance

Howacharismaticcommunicatorstandsorsitsisakeyaspectoftheirbodylanguage.

Thefirstelementofthisideatofullygraspisthatthechoiceofpostureshouldbeappropriateforboththemessagebeingdeliveredandthepersonalityofthepersondeliveringit.Thereareseveraldifferentstancesacharismaticleadercanadoptwhilestanding.

Generallyspeaking,standingwithyourfeetslightlywiderthanshoulderlength,withshouldersbackandchinslightlyraised,isthemost“powerful”wayfora

withshouldersbackandchinslightlyraised,isthemost“powerful”wayforapersontostand.Thisbasestancecanthenbeadapted,increased,ordecreasedslightlydependinguponthespecificmessagebeingdelivered.Howdoesthislookinpractice?

Let’ssayacharismaticbusinessleaderwantedtodeliveraspeechfollowingaperiodofgoodperformanceforthecompany.Standingpowerfullywouldbeabsolutelyappropriateforthisscenario.Thespeakerwouldwanttoenergizeandcongratulatehisorheraudienceandwould,therefore,incorporateanadditionalmotionandexcitementtothestance.

Thisshouldbecarefullylimited,however.Thereisathinlinebetweenmotionandhyperactivity.Thekeyinstayingontherightsideofthatdivideistoensuretheleaderisincontroloftheirmovementsatalltimes;themovementsshouldbedeliberateandnotrushed,ratherthaninvoluntaryandjerky.

Stancecanalsobecarefullymatchedtothetoneofaleader’svoice,inordertoaddimpacttothewaytheyspeak.Forexample,imaginealeaderisdeliveringatalkcontainingamixtureofbravadoandemotionalsensitivity.Iftheleaderwishesfortheaudiencetofeelthefullemotionalforceoftheseideas,itisimportantfortheleadertoadjusthisorherstancetosomethingless“fullon”duringtheemotionalaspectsofthetalk.Thepersonmaywishtodecreasethegapbetweenhisorherfeetand/oradjusttheangleofhisorhershoulderstobeslightlylessopentotheaudience.

Stayingwiththeaboveexample,whentheleaderisreadytodeliverthemoreconfidentsectionsofthetalk,heorshecanshiftstancestobemoreopen,powerful,anddirect.Theaudienceisunlikelytobeconsciouslyawareofwhattheleaderisdoing,buttheywillfeeltheimpactnonetheless.Thisissimilartothechoiceofcameraworktakingplaceduringamovie.Goodcameraanglesandcutswillabsolutelyenhancethecontentandtoneofthestorytakingplace,eventhoughtheaudiencewillnotconsciouslyunderstandwhy.

thoughtheaudiencewillnotconsciouslyunderstandwhy.

Thestancealeaderchooseswhilesittingisanotherimportantaspectofcharismaticbodylanguage.Thisstanceisdependentupontheparticularsituationatthetime.Whenspeakingtoone,orasmallnumberofpeople,itisgoodtobeawarethatleaningforwardcanindicateinterestandattention.Thisshouldnotbecarriedoutnon-stop,however,asitmakestheleaderlookwoodenandone-dimensional.Timesofinterest,shownbyleaningforward,shouldbealternatedwithtimesofleaningbackinanopenandpowerfulway.

Whensittingandspeakingtoabiggergroup,suchasinaboardroomorsomeformofseateddiscussion,itisawiseideaforthecharismaticleadertositupstraight.Thechinshouldbetiltedslightlybackandoneshouldnotbeafraidtotakeupspace,asthissub-communicatesconfidenceandhighstatus.

Ifyouareinneedofarolemodelforthisidea,checkoutDonDraperinMadMen.Hisbodylanguageduringpitches,meetings,andotheroccasionsisabsolutelyappropriateforacharacterofhisstatusandreputation.

Emulatingsomeofthesetraitsisagreatwaytoincreasetheconfidencelistenersfeelinyourchoiceofwords.

Wehavefocusedonconveyingpower,interestandemotionalcongruencethroughstancesofar.Itisalsoausefultoolforconveyinghumilityandcontrition,whenneeded.Aninterestingexampleofthisisthestanceusedbyhigh-rankingexecutivesfromSonyduringthefalloutfromahighprofilehackoftheirPlayStationservice.

Whentheexecutiveschosetodeliverapublicapology,theydidsothroughbowing!Thiswasadisplayofstanceabsolutelyreinforcingmessage,particularlyinlightofthebodylanguagecodesoftheirculturalcontext.

EyeContact

EyeContact

Therightuseofeyecontactisperhapsthemostpowerfulbodylanguagetoolfoundinthisentirebook.Why?Haveyoueverheardtheexpression“eyesarethewindowstothesoul?”Itbasicallymeansthataperson’seyesareexpressiveandofferaglimpseintowhatapersonisthinkingorfeelingatthetime.Acharismaticleadercanusethisideatoreinforceandsupportthecommunicationconveying.

Astrong,calmeyecontactisaveryattractiveandpowerfulformofcharisma.Whatdoesthismean?Itisbasicallyalevelofcomfortinlookingsomeoneintheeyeforalongperiodoftime.Peopleoftenhearthistipandtakeittoofar,staringdisturbingly;thisisnotwhatismeant.

Theeyecontactshouldideallyfeelcalmasabaselevel.Theprojectedvibeshouldbe,“Iamcomfortablewithmyselfandthereforewithyou,”ratherthan,“Iamtryingtostareyoudownandintimidateyou.”

Theuseofeyecontactdiffersslightlydependingonthesituationofthetime.Ifsomeoneisspeakingtoanindividualone-on-one,eyecontactiseasiertouse,astherearelessvariablesinplay.Inasituationsuchasthis,thekeyistomaintainabaselevelofeyecontactwithoccasionalslow,controlledglancestoreducethe“pressure”andmaintainthelistener’slevelofcomfort.

Aresponsive,charismaticuserofeyecontactwillalsobeawareof,andreactiveto,theextenttowhichthepersontheyarespeakingwithiscomfortablewitheyecontact.Ifthelistenerisveryshy,theintensityofeyecontactshouldbelessenedtopreservetheircomfort.Conversely,ifthelistenerisveryconfident,theintensityofeyecontactcanbeincreasedinordertoholdthelistener’sattentionandrespect.

Eyecontactcanalsobeusedbyacharismaticleaderto“read”thepersontheyareinteractingwith.Ifsomeoneismakingalotofjerky,erraticeyemovements,

areinteractingwith.Ifsomeoneismakingalotofjerky,erraticeyemovements,itsuggeststheyareuncomfortableornervousinsomeway.Iftheylookawayatcertainpoints,itmayindicateuntruthfulness.

Aleader’sabilitytousetheirknowledgeofcharismaticbodylanguagetoreadsomeone’seyecontactisreliantupontheleader’sknowledgeofbodylanguageingeneral,andthepersontheyareinteractingwithinparticular.

Aleader’suseofeyecontactwhenspeakingtoanaudienceisalsoimportant.Onewaytoprojectanimageofstrength,confidence,butalsointimacy,istoalternatebetweenlookingstronglyaheadandmakingoccasional,slow,deliberateeyecontactwithparticularmembersoftheaudience.Thisshouldbeusedsparingly;ifaspeakerisconstantlytryingtolookdifferentmembersofthecrowdintheeye,itresultsinthemappearingtobenervousandunsureofwhattheyaredoing.

Ifacharismaticspeakerisbeingfilmed,theirabilitytolookatthecameracorrectlybecomeskey.Lookingdirectlyintothecamerais,byandlarge,thebeststrategy,butifthisispursued,itisimportantfortheleadertoswitchuptheirfacialexpressionstoavoidseemingtooroboticorasiftheyaresimplystaring.

Handshake

Agoodhandshakeisawellknowntooltobeusedinthepursuitofcharismaticinfluence.Almosteveryoneknowsthebasics:adrypalm,shakefirmly,butnotaggressively,holdthehandshakeforafewseconds,makeeyecontactwhiledoingso.Thereare,somesubtlevariationsonthisidea,however.

Ifyoulookatvideosofpoliticalleadersshakinghandsduringmeetings,summits,etc.,youwilloftenseeoneleaderplacehissecondhandoverthetopoftheexistinghandshake.Themorecharismaticleaderextendshislefthandand

theexistinghandshake.Themorecharismaticleaderextendshislefthandandgraspsthetworighthandsinasignofsubtledominanceandconfidence.

Anothersimilartechniquetotheaboveistouchingsomeonebrieflyontheshoulderorarmasyoushakehandswithhimorher.Thisisagesturethatconveysbothrapportanddominance.Itshouldonlybeusedinsituationswherethecharismaticleaderfeelsitwillbeappropriate,however.Misguideduseofbodylanguagecanabsolutelydestroycharisma.AprimeexampleofthisiswhenGeorgeW.BushattemptedtogiveChancellorMerkelofGermanyasurpriseshoulderrubduringahighlevelpoliticalsummit.ChancellorMerkelreactedinvisibledisgustandBush’scharismawasdiminishedasaresult.

Breathing

Breathingmaysoundstrangeinrelationtobodylanguage,butitisimportantandunderpinseveryotheraspectofcharismaticdelivery.Onekeycomponentofthisisfillingthelungswithbreathbeforestartingtospeak.Thisallowsacharismaticfiguretocarefullycontrolhisorhervoicetomakeitsoundpowerfulandresonant.Thisisatechniqueusedbyoperasingersandisequallyapplicabletopeoplegivingspeechesoreventalkinginformallytoothers.

Afailuretobreathesufficientlyandfrequentlyenoughisamassiveroadblocktocharisma.Ifyouhaveeverheardaspeakerwhoisnervous,ahallmarkofthisistheirinabilitytobreathecomfortablyandconsistently.Theymayevenliterallyrunoutofbreathwhilespeaking.Whenthishappens,thespeakerlooksawkwardandunsureanddiminishesanyinfluencetheyhadmanagedtoaccumulateuntilthatpoint.

Gestures

Theuseofgesturesisoneofthemorecomplexaspectsofcharismaticbodylanguagetogetrightandusecorrectly.Manypeople,whenhearingthatgesturescanbeusedtoincreasecharisma,begintomakethemistakeofgesticulating

canbeusedtoincreasecharisma,begintomakethemistakeofgesticulatingwildlyandwithoutthoughtwhilespeaking.Thewordgesticulatereferstoanuncalibrated,nervouslookingdeploymentofthehandswhiletalking.Someonedoingthisinacarelesswayislikelytocomeacrossasworriedandoutofcontrolratherthanpowerfulandcharismatic.Sowhatistherightwaytousegestures?

Themainprincipleofcharismaticgesturingistoensurethatthechosengesturesaredeliberate,intendedandappropriateforwhatistakingplace.Forexample,iftheleaderistalkingaboutopeninguporhonesty,heorshemayslowlyanddeliberatelyopenthehandsinanexpansivemotion.Thisisusedtoaddavisualreinforcementtowhatisbeingsaidandembedthemessagedeeperintothemindsofthelisteners.

Agestureknownasthe“handchop”isanotherpowerfuluseofcharismaticbodylanguage.Thisissimilartoasmall“karatechop”motion,whichcanbeusedtoemphasizekeypointsofemphasis.Thiswillbeillustratedthroughthefollowingscenarioimaginingaleadergivingaspeechtoanexecutiveteam.

Leader:“Wewillincreaserevenuehandchop,expandourmarketsharehandchopandofferhigherqualitythanourcompetitorshandchop.”

Thehandchopgestureshouldbeusedatthesametimeasthekeypartsofaspeech,notjustafterthekeywords.Itshouldalsobeusedinmoderationtoretainitsemphaticpower,ratherthanmakingthepersonusingitlooklikeheorsheisfightingthinair.

Laugh

Haveyoueverfoundanotherperson’slaughverycontagiousandinfluential?Somepeopleseemtobeblessedwithaveryappealinglaughthatishardtoresist.Otherpeoplehavetheoppositeeffect—theirlaughisverynasallyandoffputting.Isn’titinterestinghowsomethingasseeminglyminorasalaughcanbe

usedtoexudecharisma?

Thereisnosuchthingas“theperfectcharismaticlaugh.”Everyonehastofindoutwhatworksforhimorher.Thewaytodothisistotrytonoticetimeswhenyourlaughterhasbeenmetwithotherlaughterand/orothertimeswhenyourlaughterhasbeenmetwithawkwardsilence.Didyoulaughmoreopenlyandexpressivelyonetimeortheother?Didsomeothermovementsuchasleaningforwardaccompanyyourlaughtotryandsuppressit?Alaughworksbestwhenitseemscongruenttothepersonlaughingandthesituation.Imagineanalphamaleleaderwithahigh-pitchedgiggle;suchalaughwoulddiminishcharismagreatly.Findinganappropriatelaughthatworksforyourcircumstanceisanimportantpartofcharismaticbodylanguage.

FacialExpressions

Facialexpressionsarekeyforexudingcharismaticinfluence,asaperson’sfaceislikelytobethefocusofattentionforanyonetheyareinteractingwith.Subtleuseoffacialexpressionsisagoodwaytoincreasecharismaticperception.Thisshouldbeusedwithrestraint,however.Someonewhobecomesexcessivelyexpressivewiththeirfacestartstolooklikeamimeoraclownratherthanacharismaticleader.

Ifaleaderwishestoconveywarmthandcompassion,findinganeffectivesmileisanimportantelement.Scientificstudieshaveshownthatasmileismostimpactfulwhenitisseeninboththeeyesandthemouthatthesametime.Focusingonlyononeortheotherleadstoasmileseemingalittleinsincereorforced.Smallsmilescanalsobeusedtolightenthemoodduringtimesofhardshiporsadness,butshouldbesubtle,suchasasmallmotionatthecornerofthemouth,ratherthanafullgrin.Themessageofasadsmileis,“thissituationisdifficult,butwewillremainpositive,”ratherthan,“Iaminappropriatelyenjoyingthismoment.”

LearnfromtheBest

Nowyouknowsomeofthespecificfacetsofcharismaticbodylanguage.Thischapterisintendedasamapratherthanaphotograph.Whatdoesthismean?Itshouldpointyouinthedirectionofhowtoacquirecharismaticbodylanguageratherthanteachingyoudirectly.Sowhatisthebestwaytolearnandmastersuchbodylanguage?

Thefirststepintheprocessistoknowthetypeoftechniqueyouwishtolearn.Forexample,ifsomeonewishestoimprovehisorherstance,thinkingspecificallyaboutthetypeofstanceheorshewantstoacquireshouldbetheinitialstep.

Next,apersonmustseekoutrolemodelswhoareknownforusingthedesiredtypeofbodylanguageandanalyzewhattheyaredoingandwhyitworks.Intoday’sworld,withtheInternet,thisiseasy.Peoplecanwatchandanalyzethemostcharismaticpeoplefromhistoryatthetouchofabutton.Oncesuchrolemodelshavebeenfoundandanalyzed,itisimportanttoconsistentlyapplythenewfoundtechniques.Otherwise,thetimespentlearningiswasted,asthereisnotangiblebenefitorimprovement.

Chapter7:AdaptOrDie:TheImportanceofEngagement

WhatDoesitMeantoEngage?

Theabilitytoadaptaspectsofcharismainordertoengagepeopleisavitalpartoftheentireprocess.Inthischapter,youwilllearnhowtoadaptandengagedependingonthesituationyoufaceatthetimeandwhetheryouareengagingalargeaudienceoranindividual.Theimportanceofpursuingadaptationandengagementwillbeexplained,aswillthereasonswhytheprinciplesareimpactfulinpractice.

Thekeyideaunderpinningthischapteristhatacharismaticleadermustberesponsivetohisorhersituation,notsomekindof“onesizefitsall”puppet.Thecorereasonforthisistheabilitytoadaptasignofintelligenthumanity.Someonewhocanmodifyhisorherbehavior,language,andgeneralenergyissomeonewhoconveysintelligence,awareness,andinfluence.

Itisimportantforcharismaticleaderstonottakethisprincipletoofar;beingadaptableandflexibledoesnotmeanbecomingachameleonwithoutanidentityorgenuinepersonality.Truecharismaticleadershavethementalitythat,“Ineedtoshowthesideofmyselfmostsuitedtothissituation”ratherthan,“Ineedtobecomethepersonnecessaryforthissituation.”Thisisanimportantdistinctionbecausehumanbeingsrespondwelltocharacterandauthenticity.Ifaleaderhasacorepersonalitythatheorshecanshowindifferentwaysatdifferenttimes,itisaclearsignofadaptabilityandexperience.However,aleaderthataltershisorherenergyandimagetooseverelyisunabletoconveyanysenseoflastingself.Thebalancebetweenflexibilityandauthenticityisthereforevital.

SituationalEngagement

Thefollowingtwosectionsofthischapterdealwithengagingpeople.Thischapter,ontheotherhand,focusesonadaptingtoandengagingwithinaspecificsituation.

Thefirstaspectofsituationalengagementistohaveaclearleadershipaimthatisappropriatetothecontext.Forexample,ifacharismaticleaderisgivingaspeech,whatisitspurpose?Isittoengage?Inspire?Warn?Reassure?Havinganoverallaim,orseveralharmoniousaims,isanimportantfirststepinsituationalengagement.

Aimsareimportantforleadershipscenariosotherthanspeeches.Forinstance,ifacharismaticindividualtakesoverapositionofinfluenceinacompany,developingaclearstrategicobjectiveisavitalfirststeptoexertinginfluence.Withoutthis,itisimpossibletoleadeffectively.Acharismaticleadershouldaskquestionssuchas:Whereisthiscompanycurrently?Whereisitgoing?Whatareitsstrengthsandweaknesses?Whataretheopportunitiesandthreatsitfaces?Onlybydevelopingafullpictureofwhatistakingplaceatthetimedoestheleaderthenhavethenecessaryinformationtodecideuponadirectionandobjective.

Culturalfactorsarealsovitalconsiderationswhencharismaticallyinfluencingasituation.Thiscanapplyinalocalorcompanysensesuchasthefactthatdifferentcountrieshavedifferentcustoms,norms,andappropriatemodesofbehavior,asdodifferentaudiencedemographics.Acharismaticleadershouldbeawareofthesecontextualnormsandadapthisorherownbehaviortoworkwithintheboundariesoftheaudience.

Companycultureisasimportantaslocalornationalculture.Differentcompanieshavedifferentwaysofdoingthings,whichisreflectedintheirchoiceofbranding,companystructure,andgeneralphilosophiesinfluencingeverydayoperations.Acharismaticleaderisabletoascertainsuchculturalfactorsanduse

operations.Acharismaticleaderisabletoascertainsuchculturalfactorsandusethemtoboostcharisma.Sowhatarethefactorstolookfor?

Let’scomparetwotypesofcompanies:thetraditionalbureaucraticcompanyandthemodern,moreliberaltypeofcompany,suchasatechstartup.Thedresscode,choiceoflanguage,andgeneral“energy”ofeachcompanyislikelytobevastlydifferent.Tooperateeffectivelyineitherenvironment,acharismaticleaderisrequiredtobeabletoalmostconstructaVenndiagrambetweenhisorherselfandthecompanyculture,seekingasmanyareasofadaptiveoverlapaspossibleinordertobecomeeffectivewithinanyparticularculturalcontext.

Oncetheculturalblueprintofeitheraregionorcompanyhasbeendetermined,andthecharismaticleaderhasthoughtaboutwaysofoverlappingwhotheyarewithwhattheyface,itisimportanttotranslatethesespecificideasofoverlapintoactionablebehaviors,words,anddeeds.

If,forexample,acharismaticleaderisgivingaspeechwithinabureaucraticcontext,theleadershouldseekastoryfromhisorherlifethatcanresonatewithinsuchacontext.Thestorycanthenalsobedeliveredusinglanguagethatissuitablefortheenvironmentandwithbodylanguageappropriateforthesituation.Theleaderisstillbeingauthenticandcharismatic,butinawaysuitablefortheenvironment.

Somepeoplehaveabeliefthatthisformofsituationaladaptationissomehowdishonestorimmoral.Thisisfarfromthetruth.Ifyouwerecasuallygoingforcoffeewithfriends,wouldyoudressandtalkacertainway?Probably.Ifyouweregoingtoafuneral,wouldyoudressandtalkdifferently?Let’shopeso!Inbothsituations,youwouldbeyourauthenticself,justanappropriateversionforthesituation.Leadershipscenariosarenodifferentfromeverydaylifeinthissense.

LargeAudienceEngagement

LargeAudienceEngagement

Engagingalargegroupofpeopleisacontextthatcallsforadaptation.Thissectionwillusethescenarioofdeliveringatalktoalargeaudiencetoexplainandillustratethisconcept.

Thefirsttypeofsituationalengagementacharismaticleadershouldseektodeployisanunderstandingofhowtointeractwiththeirgivenaudience.Somepossibletypesofinteractionincludeacall-and-response,askingforvolunteerparticipation,orpausingforlaughterorapplause.Itisimperativetonotethateachofthesetacticsisdependentuponthesituationencounteredandtheappropriatenessofthegivensituation.

Acall-and-responsestyleofdeliveryisappropriateforhigherenergy,lessformalcontexts.Amotivationaltalkisagreatexampleofthis.WhenmotivationalspeakerTonyRobbinsisinteractingwithacrowd,hewillfrequentlyelicitverbalagreementresponsesfromthecrowd.Whatisthepurposeofdoingso?Itisthreefold.First,theaudienceremainsfocused,astheyareengagingwith,ratherthanpassivelyreceiving,thecontent.Secondly,theaudience’senergylevelriseswiththecollectivesoundoftheroom.Haveyoueverbeeninanenvironmentwherepeoplearecollectivelyverbalizing,perhapsatarockconcert,religiousservice,orsportingevent?Ifso,youwillknowthepowerofcollectiveverbalresponse.Thethirdandfinalpurposeforcall-and-responseaudienceengagementistoestablishtheframeofthespeakerbeingincontrol.

Askingforvolunteersfromtheaudiencehasbothrisksandrewards.Therightvolunteerswilladdaudienceinterestinthetalkandalsomakeitmorerelatable.However,thewrongtypeofvolunteercanchangethevibeofatalkinappropriatelyorruinitssmoothprogression.Agreatwayaroundthisistoplantknownvolunteersintheaudience,whichallowsallofthebenefitsofvolunteerparticipationtoberetainedwhilethenegativeaspectsareeliminated.

volunteerparticipationtoberetainedwhilethenegativeaspectsareeliminated.

Apauseforlaughterisanappropriateaudienceresponseduringalightheartedorpositivetalk.Acoupleofwell-timedjokesarepowerfultoolstoraisetheenergyandmoodoftheroom.Therearesomeimportantcaveatstobeawareofsuchasutilizingjokessparingly.Toomanyjokeswillturnaspeechintoastand-upcomedyperformanceandreduceitsimpact.Also,pausingforlaughterrequirescarefulattunementfromtheleaderspeaking.Iftheaudienceisnotlaughing,donotpauseawkwardlyanddonotrepeatthejokeinadesperateneedforaresponse.Ifaparticularjokedoesn’thit,nobigdeal.Moveonlikenothinghappened.

Pausingforapplauseissimilartopausingforlaughterinsomeways.Itisagoodideatohave“impactpoints”inaspeechinwhichapplausemightbeappropriate.Acharismaticspeakershouldbeawareoftheseinordertoknowwhentopotentiallypauseforapplause.Similarlytopausingforlaughter,pausingforapplauseshouldnotbesustainedorforced.Ifthecrowddoesn’tapplaud,that’sfineandyoushouldjustmoveon.Don’twaitawkwardlyorlookvisiblydisturbedbyalackofresponse.Stayingincontrolatalltimesisessentialtomaintainacharismaticpresencewhilepublicspeaking.

Thefinalprincipleunderpinningaudienceengagementistheunderstandingoftheheartsandmindsofthepeopleyouarespeakingto.Bymodifyingyourtalkorspeechtoincludeaspectsoflifetheaudiencearepassionateaboutandwillrespondstronglyto,youareensuringtheaudiencewillfeelappreciated,understood,andinfluenced.Whencarryingoutthistechniqueitisimportanttodosoauthentically.Tryingtoshoehorninacoupleoftokenreferencestosomethingyouhalf-heartedlyexpectyouraudiencetorespondtowillkillcharismarapidly.Theepitomeofthisistherockbandthatgreetsthewrongcitywhileperforming.Avoidsuchmistakesatallcosts,orkissyourcharismagoodbye.

IndividualEngagement

Therearebothsimilaritiesanddifferenceswhenadaptingtoandengagingwithindividualsratherthanaudiences.Thefirstapproachtotakeistothinkthroughthefollowingthreequestions.

1. WhoamIinteractingwith?2. Whatisthesituationathand?3. Whatistherightwaytoapproachthisparticularpersoninthis

particularsituation?

Thisflexible,nuancedformofpersonalmanagementisakeytechniqueforadaptingto,andinfluencing,individuals.

Let’sexploreeachstageinfurtherdetail.

Steponeistherecognitionthatpeoplearedifferent.Somepeopleareconfident,othersshy.Somepeoplearepositive,othersnegative.Therearemany,manyvariationsofindividualpersonality.Knowingtherightwaytoreachthespecificpersonyouareengagingwithatthetimeisanessentialpartofinfluencingthemcharismatically.

Knowingthesituation,aswellastheperson,iscrucial.Areyouspeakingtothemtocongratulatethem?Areyouwarningthem?Firingthem?Whateverthesituationhappenstobe,youarerequiredtoadaptyourapproachaccordingly.

Onceyouhaveafullunderstandingofthepersonyouareinteractingwithandthereasonyouareinteractingwiththem,youcanprepareyourapproach.Differentpeoplewillneedtobespokenwithindifferentwaysdependingontheirspecificsituationatthetime.Forexample,thesamepersonwouldrequireatotallydifferentapproachdependingonwhetheryouweretryingtowarnorreassurehimorher.

reassurehimorher.

Somefactorstothinkaboutwhenpreparingyourapproachtoindividualengagementincludebeingawareofthelanguageyouareusing,thetypeofenergyyouareprojecting,thepaceatwhichyouspeak,andyourbodylanguage.Theguidingprinciplebehindallofthesespecificchangesshouldbe“whatdoIneedtodotogettheoutcomeIwant?”

Eventhebestapproachislimited.Youneedtobepreparedtoadaptyourintentionsasthecourseoftheinteractionprogresses.Forexample,ifyouhadintendedtoboostaperson’smorale,youmayhavefeltthatsomeappropriatejokeswouldbeagoodwaytogoaboutthis.If,however,thejokesarenothelping,letthemgo.Thereisnothinglesscharismaticthanstubbornlypersistingwithanintendedapproachregardlessofwhetheritisworking.Realtimecalibrationandadjustmentisthereforecrucialduringindividualinteraction.

Manyinfluencersofthepastwentintointeractionswiththeoutlookof“winning.”Theywantedtogetasmuchastheycouldfromtheothersidewhilegivinglittleinreturn.Thisisanexampleofshort-termthinking,whichisnotsustainableinthelongrun.Ifanotherpartyreceivesabaddeal,theywillbecomeunhappyandunwillingtodobusinessinthefuture.Itisthereforeimportanttofindawin/winagreement.

Whatismeantbywin/win?Itisfindinganoverlapbetweenthetwoparties’interestsandaims.Forexample,imagineyouareanemployeraskinganemployeetoworklongerhours.Goingintothisinteractionwiththeoutlookof“Iamtheboss;doasyouaretoldorfindanewjob,”mayormaynotwork,butitisunlikelytoworkwell.Itisanexampleofyouwinningandyourworkerlosing.Thisisnotgoodinthelongrun.Abetterapproachwouldbetoexplainthat,inexchangeforlongerhours,heorshewouldgainsomethingvaluableinreturn.Thiscouldbeextravacationday,afinancialbonus—whateverisbothvaluableandrealisticforyoutooffer.

andrealisticforyoutooffer.

Itisalsoimportanttoremaincalm,collected,andincontrolduringanyone-on-oneinteraction.Thesesituationscanbeincrediblystressfulandtaxingonaleader’spowersofcalmandresolve.Nomatterhowmuchprovocationtakesplace,itisimportantfortheleadertonotlettheiroutwardcharismaticaspectsdeteriorate.Whatdoesthismeaninpractice?Ifyousetouttobeupbeat,friendly,andpositive,donotsuddenlybecomeangry,aggressive,andbitterifthepersondoesn’trespondasyouhoped.Atruecharismaticleaderisabletoremainincontrolandfollowtheintendedcourseofaction,nomatterwhatoccurs.

Chapter8:Meekness=Weakness:TheImportanceofAssertion

WhatisAssertion?

Assertionisanabsolutelyvitaltraitforcharismaticleaderstopossess.Likemanyotherconceptsfoundwithinthisbook,assertionisoftenmisunderstood.Inthepopularimagination,beingassertiveinvolvesbeingaggressive,forceful,andgettingyourownwaynomatterwhat.Thisisamistakenview.Inactuality,assertionrelatestounderstandingyourownneedsandrights,theneedsandrightsofothers,andfindingtheoverlapbetweenthetwo.

Theoppositeofbeingassertiveisbeingmeek.Meeknessisalsoknownasbeingapushover,a“walkinthepark,”orsomeonewhoisotherwiseweakandunabletogetwhattheyneedoutofasituation.Nosuchpersonischarismatic.Itisimpossibleforthemtobeso.

Inthischapter,youwilllearnaboutthecontrastbetweentheassertiveandthemeekandwhyoneispreferabletotheotherforcharismaticpurposes.Boththetheorybehindassertionanditspracticalapplicationwillbeexplored.Practicalstepsinyourpursuitofassertionwillbeofferedandtoolstoovercomeanystumblingblockswillbeprovided.

MeeknessDoesNotEquatewithCharisma

Thefirstimportantthingtounderstandismeeknessisnotbeinglabeledpoorly;itisjustworseforachievingcharisma.Ifyouknowameekperson,thisbookisnotcallinghimorher“bad.”Itisjustexplainingthatthepersonisnotlikelytobealeaderanytimesoon.Meekpeopleoftenreceivemanylabelssuchasnice,sweet,kind,etc.Whatpeoplereallymeanismeekpeopleareinoffensiveandno

threat;theydeservenospecialattention.

Thinkofthecontrastbetweensomeonewhoinherentlyleadsandsomeonewhoinherentlyfollows.Theleaderwishestoexertinfluence,pullthestrings,andremainincontrolinordertowitnessthemanifestationofhisorherworld.Afollowerdoesnothavesuchavision,noradesiretoinfluence,andishappytoplaytheroleofthefollowerinthegrandschemeofthings.

However,bothleadersandfollowersarenecessaryforlifetoworkasintended.Ifyouaredevelopingyourcharisma,youarelikelytobeinclinedtowardsleadershipandunderstandingandembracingyourroleisimportant.

Sowhataboutanassertivepersonissocharismatic?Someonedisplayingthetypeofassertivebehaviordescribedinthischapterisindicatingthattheyareincontrolofhisorherlife.Anassertivepersonhasahighlevelofself-awarenessandhisorherneedsinanygivenscenario.Thereisalsoahighlevelofsocialawareness,asassertivepeopleareabletoensuretheirneedsaremet.

Asweprogressthroughthischapter,youwillseethedistinctivefeatureofassertivepeopleistheirabilitytogetwhattheywantinawaythatisacceptabletoothers.Thisisthedifferencebetweenacharismaticpersonpracticingassertionasopposedtoaselfishpersonouttogetasmuchastheycan.

Calm,PositiveAssertion

Inordertoensurethatassertionremainscharismatic,itisimportanttokeepitcalmandcontrolled.Onecommonreactiontopeoplebeingunabletogetwhattheywantistolosetheirtemperandstartmakingdemands,threats,andgettingangry.Ifyouhaveeverbeenaroundathree-year-old,youwillbefamiliarwiththisconcept.Genuinecharismaticadults,however,havelearnedthataskingforthingsintherightwayisamoreproductiveapproach.Eveniftheyareunabletogettheirneedsmetinaparticularscenario,theyarelikelytosomewhereelse

gettheirneedsmetinaparticularscenario,theyarelikelytosomewhereelsewhilealsokeepingtheirdignityandreputationintactintheprocess.

Thereasonwhythiscalmstyleofassertionischarismaticissomeonewhogetsangryisshowingthatheorsheisnotincontrolofhimorherself,letaloneanythingelse.Angerandaggressionalsoshutalotofpeopledowninstantly.Therearemanyscenariosinlifewherepeoplecouldhaveeventuallyacquiredwhattheywantediftheyhadremainedcalmandpersistentlysoughtitintherightway.Byshoutingormakingthreats,ontheotherhand,itoftenself-sabotagesanychanceofmakingthingsgoaccordingtoplan.

Thisisnottosaythatforcefulbehaviorandwordshavenoplaceatall,buttheyarenottherightapproachwithregardstocharismaticassertion.

SeekingWin/Win

Theideaofwin/winwasintroducedinthelastchapterbutitwillbeappliedmorefullynow.

Charismaticassertionisabsolutelyinharmonywiththewin/winidealbecauseanassertivelycharismaticpersonisabletofindanoverlapbetweentheneedsofothersandthevisiontheleaderhasinmind.Peopleareonlyreallyreadytogiveeverythingtoaleader,andhisorhervision,iftheybelieveinitaswellandseethebenefits.

Onecommonareaofapplicationforwin/winiswhenseekingapayrise.Alotofemployeesintheworldfeeltheydeservearaise,butareafraidtoaskforoneorunsureofhowtodoso.Theprinciplesofwin/winareincrediblyusefulinthisscenario.Acharismaticemployeeisabletocalmlyandconvincinglystatetotheemployerwhyheorshedeservessucharaiseandwhyitwillbenefitbothparties.Eveniftheemployerisunabletogranttheraiseatthetimeofasking,heorshemaybeimpressedbythecalmlyassertivewayinwhichtherequesttookplace.Thisislikelytobebeneficialfortheemployeeinthelongrun.

place.Thisislikelytobebeneficialfortheemployeeinthelongrun.

Thinkingaboutromanticrelationshipsthroughthelensofcharismatic,win/winassertionisalsoahelpfulapproachtotake.Manyofthebehaviorsthatdestroyrelationshipsstemfromgoingaboutthingsinawaycontrarytothischarismaticidea.Forexample,alotofpeopleinrelationshipsaresofocusedongettingtheirownwaythattheyendupneglectingtheneedsofthepersontheyarewith.Itispossible,andpreferable,tohaveawin/winapproachtoromance.Byknowingwhatyourpartner,andyou,needfromarelationship,itiseasiertoensurebothpeoplearehappy.

TakingAction

Anotherkeycomponentofcharismaticassertionisbeingabletoensurethatanyideasyouhavearetranslatedintoaction.Thereisnouseinreadingcountlessbooks,includingthisone,ifyouareunwillingtoactuponwhatyouhaveread.Assertionisintendedasanactionratherthananidea.Let’slookatsomepracticalstepsyoucanusetoincreaseyourlevelsofcharismaticassertion.

Thefirstimportantsteptotakeistounderstandtheplaceinyourlifeyouarein.Thisinvolvesassessingthedegreetowhichyouarecurrentlyassertive.Askyourselfquestionssuchas:WhendidIlastactassertively?Whatwastheoutcome?AretheretimesIfinditdifficulttobeassertive?Whendotheseoccur?Why?Onceyouunderstandyourcurrentassertiveability,yougainabasisuponwhichtoimproveit.

Onceyouhaveestablishedtheaspectsofassertionyouneedtoworkon,youcanbegintochartyourprogressandgainanunderstanding.Applytheideasinthischapterandseehowtheyworkforyou.Whichdoyoufeelareuseful?Whichdoyoufeelaremoredifficultthanothers?Onceyoubegintoestablishthislevelofinformation,youwillbeabletostartmakingassertionworkforyourlifeandtheobjectivesyouhave.

objectivesyouhave.

ChoiceofWords

Interestingly,thewordsyouusetoexpressyourselfareanimportantpartofyourabilitytobeassertive.Choosewordswhichempoweryouandarecompatiblewithyourcharismaticaims.Precisely,whichwordsshouldyoubethinkingabout?

Alotofthetime,peopleconsciouslyusedisempoweringlanguagethroughhabit.Howmanytimeshaveyouheardsomeonesay,“Ihadto”or“You/theymademe”?Thinkaboutthesephrasesforasecond.Aretheyreallytrue?Outsideofsomeoneholdingaguntoyourhead,howoftendoyou“have”todothingsintoday’sworld?Dowenothaveachoiceinmostsituations?Evenifthechoiceisnarrow,itstillexists.Reframing“Ihadto”as“Ichosetoforthesereasons”changesthissimplelinguisticphraseintoanempoweredandassertiveone.

Let’slookat“You/theymademe”;isthisassertiveorcharismatic?Quitetheopposite.Itisapersonevadingtheirpersonalresponsibilityforthechoicestheymade.Contrastthiswith“Imadethatchoice.Iowntheconsequencesofit,”whichisamuchmorecharismaticapproachtoassertion.Thepersonspeakingregainscontrolofthesituationrecognizesthefactheorsheinfluencedit,andacceptswhateverarisesfromthedecisiontheymade.

OvercomingLimitingBeliefs

Alimitingbeliefisanyingrainedpatternofthoughtwhichpreventssomeonereachinghisorheraimsinlifeorholdsthembackfromahabit,whichwouldmovethemtowardsthelifetheywanttolive.Let’stakealookatsomeofthelimitingbeliefsrelatedtoassertionandhowtoovercomethem.

“Beingassertiveisrude.”Perhapsthemostcommonlyheldlimitingbeliefrelatingtoassertionisthat

Perhapsthemostcommonlyheldlimitingbeliefrelatingtoassertionisthatbeingassertiveisimpolite.Peopleoftenhavehadsomekindofbadexperiencewithapushypersonthathasinfluencedtheiropinionofassertiontowardsnegativity.Peoplealsooftenholdthisbeliefduetoamisunderstandingofwhatassertionis.

Toovercomethislimitingbelief,peoplemustfirstrealizewhytheyholdit.Somepeoplehavehadabadexperienceinthepast.Byrevisitingwheretheiroriginalopinionofassertionstemsfrom,suchpeopleareabletounderstandthereasonswhytheirviewofassertionisincorrect.Clearingpastbaggageoutthewayisanimportantfirststepinbecomingassertive.

Overcomingthelimitingbeliefrelatedtoanincorrectviewofassertioniseasier.Itisfairlystraightforwardtoexplaintosomeonethatassertioninvolvesamutualunderstandingandrespectbetweentheneedsandwantsoftwoparties.Oncethismistakenviewofassertionhasbeencorrected,itisuptoapersontounderstandhowassertionisinfactmutuallybeneficialandpositive.

“That’snothowIwasraised.”Beingheldbackbythebehavioroffamilymembersisastumblingblocktowardsassertionthatcanbedifficulttoovercome.Peoplewhofeelastrongsenseofconnectionwiththevaluesinstilledinthembytheirfamilymayseebecomingadifferentperson,anassertiveperson,assomeformofrebellionagainsttheirupbringing.Thiscanbedifficulttoovercome.

Thefirststepinovercomingalimitingbeliefofthistypeishelpingapersontoseethatchangingoneaspectofhowtheyaretowardsothersisnotarejectionoftheirfamily.Itisnothingmorethanasmall,manageablepersonalchange.Afterpeoplereallystopandconfrontthislimitingbelieflogically,itisusuallypossibletohelpthemseethattheirfamilywantsthemtobehappy,andifassertionhelpswithhappiness,itissomethingtheirfamilywouldsupport.

“Itgoesagainstmyculture.”Itisanundeniablefactthatdifferencesbetweenculturalnormsexistbetweencountries.Tosaysoisnotinanywayprejudicedordiscriminatory.Itissimplyrecognizingthattheworldisarichplacefullofdiverseculturesandideas.Theproblemoccurswhensomeoneletshisorhernationalidentityholdhimorherbackfrombecomingassertive.Therearetwomainformsofthislimitingbelief:someoneoperatingwithinhisorherownnationalcultureandsomeoneoperatingoutsidehisorherownnationalculture.

Ifsomeonewasraisedinaculturelessassertivethantheoneheorshenowoperatesin,itispossibletohelphimorherovercometheseboundariesquickly.Pointingouttothepersonthathisorherlackofassertionmayhavebeenappropriateforanotherculture,butislesssofortheonecurrentlyin,helpshimorhertounderstandtheculturalrelativityofbehavior.Explainingtothepersonthatbecomingassertivewithinadifferentnationalcultureisnotrude,butsensible,canhelppeoplefindthepracticalbenefitsofdoingso.

“I’vetriedbeforeanditdidn’tworkforme.”Thisisanexcuseyouhearinmanyareasoflifeandassertionisnodifferent.Peoplewhofeelthattheyhavetriedtobemoreassertiveinthepast,butitdidn’tworkoutwellforthem,oftenassumethatitwon’tinthefuture.Thereismorethanonereasonwhysomeonemayholdabeliefsuchasthis.

Thefirstmajorreasonisamisunderstandingofwhatbeingassertiveis.Perhapssomeonetriedtobeaggressiveinthepast,itdidn’twork,andasaresulthavemistakenlywritten-offbeingassertiveinthepresent.Ifsomeoneholdsthislimitingbelief,itisimportanttoexplorepastactions.Itwilloftenbethecasethatheorshedidnottrygenuineassertioninthepastandhavesincedismissedtheconceptincorrectlyorperhapstriedsomethingclosetogenuineassertion,butinawrongsituation.

inawrongsituation.

Onlybyfindingthepastmistakeisitpossibletocorrectthefutureaction.Untilsomeoneknowswhereheorshewentwrong,itwillbedifficulttomakethingsgoright.Fixingthislimitingbelief,andthetechniquefordoingso,cangreatlyhelppeopleinalmostanyareaoflifecurrentlyfailing.

“There’snopoint.”Thelimitingbeliefofthinkingassertionispointlesstypicallystemsfromtwopossibleareas:agenuineviewthatitispointlessorusingthisideaasanexcusetoavoidtakingaction.Eachcanbeovercomeinaslightlydifferentway.

Ifsomeonethinksthatassertionisinfactpointless,thewaytoovercomethisbeliefistohelphimorherrealizethemanybenefitsofassertion,bothfortheindividualandthepeopletheyinteractwith.Suchapersoncanhaveanewviewofassertionreinforcedthroughself-examinationandthecultivationofreferenceexperiences.

Ifsomeoneisusingthislimitingbeliefasanexcusefortakingaction,theremedyistomakethepainofinactiongreaterthanthepainofaction.Whatdoesthismean?Peopleavoiddoingsomethingbecauseitseemslikethebestchoiceforthem.Thehumanbrainisrationalandweighsthebenefitsofactionagainstthecostofaction.Whenyoucanmaketakingactiononbecomingassertivemorepopularandattractivethanremaininginactive,itisalmostinevitablethatthejourneytowardsassertionwillbegin.

Chapter9:TheCharismaticMind:IntelligenceisYourAlly

Thischapterwillexplorethefacetsofintelligence,initsvarioustypes,thathelptosupportcharisma.Theimportanceofcombiningemotionalintelligencewithcognitiveintelligencetoformcharismaticintelligencewillbeemphasizedandappliedtovariouspossiblescenariosyouwillfaceinyourlife.Youwilllearnthepowerofmakingbigideasunderstandableandwhyitisimportanttouseexamplestoillustratewhenexplainingthingstopeople.Thechapterwillconcludewithanexplorationofintelligentstorytellingandhowitcanserveyourcharismaticjourney.

EmotionalIntelligence+CognitiveAbility=CharismaticIntelligence

Throughoutthisbook,theideaofbeingeithercognitivelyintelligentoremotionallyintelligentalonehasbeenshowntonotbeenough.Combiningthesetwoideastomakeapotentformulaleadtocharismaticintelligence.

Acommonmistakewhenattemptingtocultivatecharismaticintelligenceistopursueemotionalandcognitiveintelligenceseparatelyatfirst,beforeattemptingtoforcethemtogetherinsomehaphazardwayfurtherdowntheline.Thisapproachcanwork,butitisnotoptimal.Abetterideaistofocusoncultivatingcomplementaryformsofemotionalandcognitiveintelligencesinthefirstplace.

Howcanemotionalandcognitiveintelligencebecultivatedtogetherinthesameprocess?Itisimportanttothinkabouthoweachformofintelligenceyouarepursuingwillworkwiththeotherinthelongrun.Thisideaiseasierunderstoodthroughexamples.

Imagineyouaretryingtopursuecharismarelatedtoprovidingfinancialadvice.Whatarethetwoareasofintelligencethatwouldserveyou?Thefirstwouldbe

Whatarethetwoareasofintelligencethatwouldserveyou?Thefirstwouldbecognitivefinancialintelligence;thesecondwouldbeemotionalfinancialintelligence.Let’stakealookattheseinturnbeforeexploringhowtheyworktogether.

Cognitivefinancialintelligencerelatestothetechnical,mental,andmathematicalaspectoffinance.Forexample,understandingincome,taxation,savings,interest,compounding,anddebt.Thisisthetechnicalsideoffinance,the“logical”intelligenceasopposedtotheemotional.Withoutagoodamountofcognitivefinancialintelligence,itisdoubtfulthatanyoneyouwishtoadvisewouldbehappytofollowyourideas.Soisthiscognitivefinancialintelligenceenoughalone?

Itisn’t.Withanyhumanbehavior,thereisarationalandanemotionalsideatplay.Charismaticleadersunderstandthisandareabletomakeuseoftheconcepttoservetheirownaimsinlife,whatevertheyhappentobe.Usingourexampleofsomeoneseekingtobecomeacharismaticfinancialadvisor,itisimportanttounderstandthatpeoplewillnotbecharismaticallyinfluencedbysomeonewhohasahighdegreeoftechnicalknowledgealone.Ifheorshecannotconveythisknowledgetopeopleinanimpactfulway,itisasgoodasuseless.Sohowwouldacharismaticfinancialadvisorseektodevelophisorheremotionalintelligence?

Someaspectsofemotionalintelligencethatarerelatedtothefieldoffinanceincludethereasonswhypeoplespendwhattheydo,thepsychologicalmotivationsandfearsrelatedtofinance,andanytypeofemotionaltechniquewhichhasprovedpowerfultofinancialadvisorsofthepast.Aswehavediscussed,itisessentialtopossessrelevantemotionalintelligencealongsidecognitiveintelligence.Buthowcantheybepursuedjointlytoprovidetheoptimumlevelofcharismaticintelligence?

Insteadofthinkingofthetwoareasasseparatefieldsofstudy,thecharismaticlearnershouldthinkofcognitiveandemotionalintelligenceastwostrandsofthe

learnershouldthinkofcognitiveandemotionalintelligenceastwostrandsofthesamerope.Knowinghowthestrandslinktogether,andtherightwayinwhichtheylink,helpstostrengthentheropeandmakeitasdurableaspossible.Sohow,inpracticalterms,canthisropeanalogybeapplied?

Whilethinkingaboutacognitivefinancialtopic,thepossessorofcharismaticintelligencewouldseektoconstantlythink,“Howdoesthisidealinkintomyemotionalknowledge?”Conversely,whenpursuinganemotionaltopic,thequestion,“Howdoesthistieintothecognitivesideoffinance?”shouldbeaskedregularly.Wewillexploreaspecificexplorationofthisthroughtheuseoftwotopics-motivationandinterest.

Acharismaticfinancialadvisorwouldseektounderstandmotivationandinterestseparately,butalsohowtheytieintooneanother.Forexample,whenconsideringcompoundinterest,thecharismaticadvisorwouldalsoconsiderhowpeoplecanbeemotionallyimpactedtounderstandthevalueofcompoundinterestandpursueitthroughaction.Emotionalandcognitivetopicsarenotviewedinisolationbutasinterlinkingpiecesofthesamepuzzle.Thisisthetrulycharismaticapproachtothepursuitofappliedintelligence.

SimplifyBrilliance

Theabilityofacharismaticindividualtomakeadifficultconceptrelatabletoeverydaypeopleisahallmarkoftruecharisma.Italsotiesinwiththetheoryoflookingatboththecognitiveandemotionalaspectsofatopicandmakingthemworkinharmony.Thisideacanbeunderstoodthroughtheconceptofnewspaperheadlines.

Thinkofanewspaperheadline.Itspurposeistoconveybothcognitiveandemotionalinformationtoareaderinasuccinctway.Headlineswillusuallyrelatetoaverycomplexissueaboutwhichthousandsofwordscanbewritten.Theskillinaneffectiveheadlinethoughisboilingdownthecomplextothe

Theskillinaneffectiveheadlinethoughisboilingdownthecomplextothesimpleandmakingitworkonbotharationalandemotionallevel.Charismaticinfluencersareabletodosomethingsimilar.

Manycomplexideasovertheyearshavebeenboileddowntotheirfactual,butalsocaptivating,essence,andthishashelpedpeopletounderstandandappreciatethem.ThinkabouttheBigBangTheoryforexample;ifyoureadaboutthisindetail,yourheadwillspin.Itinvolvessomeofthemostcomplextechnicalideasthatmankindhaseverdiscovered.Thesimplecombinationoftwowords-BigBang-makessomethingverydifficultverysimple.Thephrasecapturestheessenceoftheideaanddoessoinaninterestingway.

Totakeanotherexample,thinkoftheterm“Smartphone;”thisissimple,understandable,andworksonanemotionallevel—thephoneis“smart.”Howfuturisticandenticingisthat?Imagineanalternativename,possibly“Internetenabledmulti-functionalcommunicationsdevice.”Thisismorecognitive,butlacksanyemotionalimpactandisalsonotsimple.Mostpeoplewillswitchoff,nottakeinthenameandbeturnedoffbytheconceptcompletelybecauseofit.

Tobecometrulycharismaticinwhicheverfieldoflifeyouchoosetopursue,youneedtocultivatetheabilitytotakedifficultconceptsandsimplifytheminawaywhichcanbeunderstoodbothintellectuallyandemotionallyatthesametime.Doingthisprovidesagreatdealofpowerandalsovalueforthoseyouareaimingtoinfluence.Peoplearealwaysgratefulandfascinatedwhensomethingpreviouslyoutofreachismadeaccessible.

TheAbilitytoIllustratewithExamples

Usingcharismaintelligentlyismorethanjustbeingabletotakedifficultconcepts,relatethemonanemotionalandintellectuallevel,andboilthemdownforthesakeofsimplicity.Alotofpeoplewillfindthisconceptinteresting,butnotnecessarilyuseful.Tobecometrulycharismatic,youneedtobeabletoshow

peoplewhyanideamattersfortheirlifeandhowtheycanuseit.Thisisknownascharismaticapplication.Beingabletoexplainwhypeoplecan,andshould,useyourideasisapowerfultoolinyourcharismaticarsenal.

Tofindthemostusefulcharismaticexamplestoofferwithinanysphereofinfluence,itisusefultothinkaboutthemainproblemsyouraudiencefaceandhowyoucanhelpthemsolvethem.Thisisusefulfortworeasons;first,byhelpingpeopledealwiththethingsthatmattermostintheirlives,youareofferingahugeamountofvalueandmakingarealdifference.Thisinandofitselfwillenhanceyourreputationasacharismaticleader.Secondly,byengagingpeopleonthisdeeplevelofvalue,youareshowingyourintellectualandemotionalintelligencesimultaneously.

Sohowdocharismaticleadersgoaboutfindingtherightareasoflifetohelptheirfollowers?Onecommonwayofapproachingthisistobeginwiththeareaoflifethatthecharismaticpersondealswithpersonally.Let’stakeabusinessleaderwhohasrisenthroughtherankstobecomeaninfluentialexecutive.Thispersonwillbeabletorelatetothestruggleandchallengesthatpeoplesettingoutonthesamejourneywillexperience.Fromhispersonalexperiences,thisleaderwillbeabletodrawuponintellectuallyandemotionallyrelevantexamplesandspeakdirectlytothoseheleads.

Indirectexperienceisalsousefulforfindingthepainpointswithwhichtohelpfollowers.Let’staketheexampleofatherapistwhohasspentyearstreatingpatients.Overtheyearsthistherapistislikelytohaveencounteredsimilarsituationsarisingagainandagain.Thisprovidesanexperiencedroadmaptowardsthepainpointsthataremostcommonwithinthisparticularareaoftherapyandhowtosolvethem.Ifthistherapistwishestoexpandtheirsphereofcharismaticinfluencebeyondtheirimmediatetherapeuticservices,heorshehasaroadmapthatwillhelpidentifythekeyareastoreachawiderfollowinginthefuture.

future.

IntelligentStorytelling

Storytellingisatechniquewhichcanbeusedintelligentlyforthepurposesofcharismaticinfluence.Whatarethewaysinwhichintelligentcharismaticstorytellingdiffersfromregularstorytelling?Intelligentstorytellingdrawsuponalloftheprecedingconceptsinthischapterinordertomakeapowerfulimpactuponthosewhoencounterit.Wewillnowbreakdownandanalyzehowalloftheseconceptscombineintocharismaticstorytellingandhowthetechniquecanbeusedinvariousareasoflife.

First,anintelligentcharismaticstoryshouldneverbetoldforitsownsakeormerelytoentertain.Itshouldbeintendedtoinfluenceandimpactthosewhohearitaccordingtothevisionandwishesofthecharismaticleadertellingthestory.Keepingthepurposeofanygivencharismaticstoryfirmlyinmindisessentialtomakesureitisasusefulaspossible.

Secondly,anygivencharismaticstoryshouldbeeithercreatedor,attheveryleast,adaptedfortheaudiencethathearsit.Keepinmindthevaluesandreferencestheaudiencesharesandworktheseintothestorywhereverpossible.Ifanaudiencefeelsasifthestorytheyhearhasbeencreatedfortheirparticularneeds,itislikelytohaveafargreaterimpact.

Third,thestorymustworkonbothanintellectualandemotionallevelsimultaneously.Whatdoesthismean?Thestoryshouldmakesense,haveaflow,andworkonabasicintellectuallevel.Thisonitsownisnotenoughthough;thestoryisalsorequiredtocontainembeddedemotionalspikes.Thismeansthatthelogicalpathofthestoryisnotenoughonitsown.Thelogicalplotalsoneedstocontaindetails,whichresonatewiththeheartofthosehearingit.

Finally,thestoryshouldbeabletoexplainapowerfulconceptinasimpleway.Thinkaboutsomeofthemostcharismaticpeoplethroughouthistory.The

Thinkaboutsomeofthemostcharismaticpeoplethroughouthistory.TheparablesofJesusChristmadespiritualwisdomaccessiblethroughmemorablestoriesthatwereeasytounderstand.ThespeechesofDr.MartinLutherKingmadecomplexracialandsocialideasemotionallyandintellectuallymovinginthefewestwordspossible.

HowtoApplyIntelligentStorytelling

Storytellingtoldusingtheprinciplesofcharismaticintelligenceisabletoreachawiderangeoflife’sareas.Withintheprofessionalsphere,almosteveryindustrymakesuseofthistypeofstorytellingatonetimeoranother.Thiscanhappenonbothindustrialandcompanylevels.

Thinkofanygivenindustry.Let’stakeprofessionalsports,forexample.Legendarystoriesareoftentoldofthegreatplayersandcoachesofthepast.ThinkaboutthestoryofMichaelJordanorVinceLombardi.Theirtalesaretoldinawaywhichinfluencesandinspirespeoplewithintheworldofsportsandoutsideit.Whenthesestoriesaretoldtheyarelikelytosatisfybothlogicallyandemotionally.Thisisanexampleofpowerfulstoriesoccurringatanindustriallevel.

Companieswithastrongculturearealsolikelytousecharismaticstorytellingtoenhancethefeelingofunitywithintheranksandalsotofurtherthecompany’svalues.Let’stakeAppleforexample.Appleisknownthroughoutthebusinessworldforhavingoneofthemostimmersiveandcharismaticculturesoutthere.Theirlateleader,SteveJobs,wastreatedasasaintbymanyfansandworkersofApple.Afterhisdeath,peoplearoundtheworldheldvigilsandtreatedhimlikeadepartedmartyr.Jobswastheepitomeofanabsolutecorporatelegend.Hisstatusandreputationwasenhancedbycharismaticpresentations.

Chapter10:Happiness:TheEmotionofCharisma

Thecoreemotionaldimensionofcharismaishappiness,whichmaysoundlikeastrangewordtouseforcharismaticpeople.Charismaticpeoplearetrulyhappy,however,nottheshallowimitationofhappiness,whichhasperhapscometobeassociatedwiththewordinthepopularimagination.

Inthischapter,wewillexplorethedifferencebetweengenuinehappinessandforcedhappinessandwhyonehelps,astheotherharms,charisma.Wewilllookattheprocessofutilizinghappinessinpursuitofcharismaandhowitcanbespecificallyappliedtoarangeofdifferentsituations.Theimportanceofwidespread,ratherthanselective,happinesswillbestated.Theimportanceoftherelationshipbetweenvalue,contribution,andhappinesswillbeexplored.Howtoradiatethesepositiveaspectsoutwardisthechapter’sfinalfocus.

Realvs.ForcedHappiness

Thefirstkeydistinctionthatmustbemadeisbetweenauthentichappinessandapaleimitationofhappinessthatmanypeoplemistakenlyassociatewiththeterm.

Ifforcedtoimagineahappyperson,youmightthinkofanannoyingindividualwhoisexcessivelyandirritatinglyupbeatallthetime;thekindofpersonwhoseenthusiasmisalwayssetto100%orsomeonewithabigcheesysmileandanemptysounding“positivephrase”foranyparticularoccasion.Thistypeofhappinesscanbeconsideredforcedandisnotthetypethatisassociatedwithcharisma.Sowhatisrealhappiness?

Realhappinessissubtle,supportedbytruth,andupliftingtothosewhoencounterit.Unlikefalsehappiness,peoplewhoarearoundgenuinehappinesswillfeelgratefulfor,ratherthanannoyedby,theexperience.Authentichappinessisunconditional,forthoseluckyenoughtopossessit,butnotinthe

happinessisunconditional,forthoseluckyenoughtopossessit,butnotinthesamewaythatfalsehappinessis.Whenasked,someonetakingthepathoffalsehappinesswouldprobablysaytheyarehappybecause“it’sthebestwaytobe”withoutbeingabletoexplainfurther.Someonewithrealhappinessisabletoidentifyspecificthingsinhisorherlifeheorsheisgratefulforandseeopportunitiesandblessingsineventhetoughestoftimes.Someonewithrealhappinessisapowerfulcharismaticleader.Thisisbecausetheyareabletoinspirethefeelingofauthenticpositivityandhappinessinothersaswellasthemselves.

GeneratePositivityInternallyFirst

Somepeoplemakethemistakeofthinkingthattheywillbeabletoinspireotherstobepositivewithoutfocusingontheirownlifefirst.Thisisamistake.Untilsomeonehasexperiencedgenuinehappinessandthebenefitsitoffers,thereisnopossiblewayheorshecanauthenticallyteachothersaboutsomethingheorshedoesnothavefirsthandknowledgein.Let’sconsiderthelogicofthisthroughtheuseofexamples.

Wouldyoubeinspiredtobecomerichbyapoorpersonbeggingonthestreet?Definitelynot.Similarly,ifanoverweightpersonwasgivingyouexerciseandworkouttips,wouldyoubelikelytotakethem?It’sdoubtful.Sohowcouldsomeonewhoisnotauthenticallyhappyhopetospreadthefeelingtoothers?

Ifyouarepursuingcharismaandfeelthatauthenticpositivityandhappinesscouldassistinyouraim,pleasetryoutthefollowingideasingeneratingitinyourself.Respectingyourbodyandmindisthefirststeptotake.Thismeansyouneedtoliveabalancedlife.Whatismeantbythis?

Tolivealifeofbalance,apersonmustidentifythevariousaspectsoflifethatmattertothem.Thesecouldincludework,relaxation,learning,health,hobbies,

etc.Afterfindingoutwhatmatterstoyou,youcanbegintoexaminehowmuchtimeyouspendbetweenthedifferentareas.Indoingthis,youwillbeabletoidentifyareasthatfeelunbalanced.Perhapsyouspendtoomuchtimeinoneareaandtoolittleinanother.Byrecognizingthisimbalance,youcanbegintotakestepstoreadjusthowyouspendyourtime.

Afterfindingoutifyouarelivingabalancedlife,itisimportanttomakebetteruseofyourtime.Schedulingactivitiescanbeusefulforthispurpose.Thisiseasierthaneverbefore.YourSmartphoneorlaptopwillhaveagreatcalendarfeature,whichyoucanusetoprioritizethethingsyouwanttogetdoneandallocateyourtimebetweenthedifferentareasofyourlifethatareimportanttoyou.

Anotherwayofcultivatingauthentichappinessinyourselfistofocusonspendingtimeconsciouslybeinggratefulforanythinginyourlifethatyouarehappyaboutorthankfulfor.Thishelpstobuildanattitudeofdeephappinessandpositivitythatisbasedonrealityratherthannaivety.Themoreyoutrainyourmindtofocusonthegoodthingsinlife,themoreitwilldoso.Gratitudeisanessentialsteptowardsbecomingaspositiveaspossibleonautopilot.Thehardestpartofdevelopingthishabitisthebeginning.Afterawhile,itwillbecomeyourdefaultmode,andanythingotherthangratitudewillseemstrange.

SpreadInternalPositivityUnconditionally

Wehavenowlookedatwaystocultivategenuineinternalpositivity.Thisisagreatfoundationtobeingabletousethetraitcharismatically.Itisnotenough,however.Thenextstepintheprocessistobegintransferringthisexternalattitudeofpositivityontoothers.Onecommonmistakepeoplemake,whenbeginningtotryandusethiselementofcharisma,istobecomeselectiveaboutwhomtobepositivearound.Let’stakealookatwhythismistakeissoseriousandhowitisdetrimentaltocharismainthelongrun.

Theproblemwithbeingpositivearoundsomepeopleandnotothersisthatitleadstopositivitycomingacrossassyntheticandshallow.Duetothenecessityofbeingauthenticinordertocomeacrossascharismatic,itisnotpossibletochoosewhenandhowtodisplaypositivity.Let’stakealookatanexampleinordertounderstandthisconceptmorefully.

Pictureaworkerwithinatypicalofficeenvironment.Thispersonmayhavedecided,rightly,thatbecomingmorecharismaticwillhelptogetfurtherinhisorherchosenprofessionalfield.Mistakenly,however,heorshethinksthatthisexpressionofpositivefeelingissomethingthatistobeusedcarefullyandonlyonpeople“worthy”ofinfluence.Duetothismistakenbelief,thepersonispositivearoundpeopleheorsheconsiderstobehighstatusandworthyofhisorherefforts.Otherpeople,however,noticethatthepersonisnotauthenticallypositiveandareabletoseethroughthedeceptionwhichistakingplace.

Theadditionalproblemwithbeingselectivelypositiveisitislikelytobenoticedbythepeopleitisintendedtoimpress.Forexample,ifsomeoneispositivetomanagersandotherauthorityfiguresonly,thesemanagersarealmostcertaintoknowthatthepersonisputtingonapositiveactratherthanshowingwhotheyreallyare.Howisthispossible?Peopleareabsolutelyattunedtosignsofauthenticbehavioronadeeplevel.Ifsomeoneis“acting”positively,therearelikelytobesmallcuesandindicationsintheirbehaviorthatdenotethisisnotwhotheyreallyare.Suchsmallsignsofinauthenticityarelikelytotriggeranuncomfortableresponseinthepeoplepickinguponthem.Thus,itisimportanttounderstandthatpositivityisonlyconducivetocharismawhenusedauthentically.

Sowhatdoestheoppositeofthislooklike?Howdoessomeonewhoisauthenticallypositiveseem?First,theyarenotselectiveaboutwhotheyexpresstheirpositivityaround.Atopmanagerisasworthyofpositivetreatmentasthe

personwhodeliversthecoffeeatlunchtime.Positivityistrulyandfreelyappliedtoanyonewhohappenstocomeacrosssuchacharismaticindividual,notjustaselectgroupthathavebeenchosenforstrategic,calculatedreasons.Wewillillustratethislimitlesspositivitywitharealworldexampleofaverycharismaticbusinessleader—SirRichardBranson,headoftheVirgingroup.

Inoneofhismanybusinessbooks,Bransonstateswhathebelievestobetheimportanceofgoingaboutlifeinanenthusiasticandpositiveway.Healsotalksaboutthenecessityofdeeplyvaluingeveryonewithinanorganization,notjustacertainfewpeople.ThisideaisfurthersupportedbyBranson’spersonaldesiretogettoknoweverymemberofhisstaffhepossiblycan,rightdowntothoseresponsibleforcleaningandothersimilarduties.Heexplainsthisisimportantduetothefactthatalmostanyonecanpossessvaluabletalentsandskillthatmaybeofusetothebusiness.HeillustratesthisideabyrecountingastoryofhowacleaningladyforVirginRecordsendedupbecomingatopmanagerduetothepositiveattitudeandotherintangiblequalitiesshewasabletodisplay.

Inordertomakeuseofthisunreservedpositivityinyourownlife,itisimportanttoactivelycultivatethecharacteristic.Thestartingpointistoexamineyourexistingapproachtopositivityandhowyouuseit.Areyoupositivearoundeveryoneoronlycertainpeople?Iftherearesomepeople,ortypesofpeople,thatyouarenotpositivearound,whydoyouthinkthiscouldbe?Istheresomementalstumblingblockholdingyoubackfrombeingmoreuniversallypositive?

Youneedtomakeclearinyourmindthebenefitsofbeingpositiveasadefaultstate.Thinkabouthoweveryoneisdeservingofyourpositivity.Thinkabouthowyounevertrulyknowwhois“deserving”ofpositivity,asjudgingpeoplebytheirstatusisamistake.Also,keepinmindthatifyouareselectivelypositive,itislikelytoresultinthoseyouneedtoperceiveyouaspositiveinsteadseeingyouasinauthentic.Theultimatetakehomemessageofallthisisbeingselectivelypositivewillhurtyoudeeply,whereasbeingauthenticallypositive

willdonothingbuthelp.

Sowhataresomesignsofgenuinepositivityyoucanshowtopeople?Smallthingsarepowerfulinthisarea.Forexample,greetingpeoplewithasmile,evenifyouaretiredorsad,makesahugedifference.Tryingtobringaslightlyhigherlevelofenergytothetablethanthepersonyouareinteractingwithalsomakesahugedifference.Findingsomethinggoodtosayaboutanygivensituationisanotherwayinwhichyoucanshowyourabilitytofindthepositiveaspectsoflife.

ProvideValue

Oneofthekeyconceptstokeepinmindwithregardstogenuine,charismaticpositivityistheprovisionofvalue.Thisisawayinwhichauthentic,charismaticpositivitydiffersfromshallow,inauthenticpositivity.Whatismeantbyvalue?Whenmanypeopleheartheexpressiontheythinkoffinancialvalue.Thisisnotreallythewayinwhichthewordisusedinthiscontext.Sowhatdowemeanbycharismaticvalue?

Value,inthissense,isbasicallybeingapersonwhoisabletooffersomethingtotheworldthatpeopleappreciate.Exactlywhatthisconstitutesisdifferentineveryinstance.Forexample,informationisvalue,butonlyifitisinformationthatpeopleneedandcanmakeuseof.Therefore,thetypeofinformationthatconstitutesvalueinagivensituationisentirelydependentuponwhatthepeopleareseekinginthatsituation.Let’stakealookatsomeofthesituationalwaysinwhichvaluecanbeunderstood.

Let’staketheexampleofalifecoachwhoaimstoinspirepeopletotakecontroloftheirlivesandmeettheirgoalsinvariousareas.Suchacoachwouldbeprovidingvaluetohisclients,butonlyaslongaswhathetaughtthemwasuseful.Ifsuchacoachhadstrategies,information,andideasthatcouldbegenuinelyutilized,suchacoachwouldbeprovidingvalue.

genuinelyutilized,suchacoachwouldbeprovidingvalue.

Outsideoftheabovecontext,however,suchacoachmightnotbeprovidingvalue,eveniftheywereofferingexactlythesameinformation.Let’ssay,forexample,thecoachofferedthesameinformationtoagroupofpeoplewhowerelookingtobetterunderstandnutrition.Althoughvaluabletothefirstcontext,theinformationwouldnotbevaluableinthecontextofthesecondscenario.Whatdoesthisgotodemonstrate?Thereisnoabsoluteideaofwhatconstitutesvalue.Thereareonlysituationaldemands.Socanyoufigureouthowtobevaluableinanygivensituation?

Thestartingpointofprovidingvalueistoapproachanygivensituationorpersonwithtwoquestionsinmind:Whatisneededhere?Howcanmyownskillsandexperiencesmatchwhatisneeded?Byaskingthesetwoquestions,apersonisabletodeterminetheoverlapbetweenwhatthesituationrequiresandwhatthepersonisabletooffer.Thisisthestartingpointforofferingvalue.

Anotherusefulapproachtotakeistheproblemsolvingmentality.Thisinvolvesfiguringoutwhatproblemsanorganization,personorsituationisfacing.Then,simplytryandfindanswerstotheproblems.Thisisoneofthekeydifferencesbetweensomeonewhoprovidesvalue,andisthereforecharismatic,andsomeonewhoisnotabletooffervalue.Peoplewhoarenotcharismaticareoftenabletoidentifyandfocusonproblems,butareunlikelytoknowhowtosolvethem.Charismaticpeopleare,atleast,abletofocusonthepotentialsolutionasmuchastheyareontheproblemitself.

AppropriatePositivity

Thefinalimportantnuancerelatingtocharismaticpositivityistheabilitytobe“appropriatelypositive”foranygivensituation.Whatismeantbythis?Justasprovidingvaluerequiresunderstandingwhatisneededinaparticularsituation,beingappropriatelypositiverequiresanunderstandingofthesituationalso.Let’s

beingappropriatelypositiverequiresanunderstandingofthesituationalso.Let’stakealookatsomeexamplesofhowtodeterminetheappropriatelevelofpositivityandwhatconstitutesappropriatepositivityandwhatarethemajormistakestoavoid.

Tobegin,whatexactlydowemeanby“appropriatepositivity?”Appropriatepositivityessentiallyinvolvesmatchingthepositiveprojectiontothesituationatthetime.Thisisbetterunderstoodthroughsomeexamples.Imagineasalesteamhasnotonlymet,butalsovastlyexceeded,theirquarterlysalestarget.Thisisatimewherepositivityshouldbefullyandenthusiasticallyexpressed.Languageborderingonthehyperboliccanbeused,whereasinothersituationsitwouldseemliketoomuch.

Let’scontrastthisabovescenariowiththeoppositeoutcome—asalesteamhasfailedtomeettheirexpectationsandtargetgoal.Somepeoplemightthinkthatsuchatimeisnotappropriateforpositivityinanyway.Theywouldbewrong.Charismaticleadersareabletobeappropriateinalmosteverysituation,butintherightway.Sowhatwouldbetherightwayinthisscenario?Itwouldinvolvestatingthattherearevaluablelessonstobelearned,anotherchancetomeetandexceedtargetsinthenextquarter,andthatmanypeoplehadgivenexcellentlevelsofeffort.

Sodoesbeingpositiveinthefaceofnegativecircumstancesmeanignoringthetruerealityofthesituation?Notatall;instead,itinvolveschoosingtofindandfocusonanygoodaspectsthathaveoccurred.Itisimportanttonotethatsuchgoodaspectsmustgenuinelyexist.Peopleknowwhentheyarebeingliedto,sosimplystatingpositiveshaveoccurredwhichhavenot,isabadtactictotake.

Let’slookatsomepracticalwaystoberealisticallyandappropriatelypositive.Themainwaytogoaboutthisisbyactivelyseekingtotrainthemindtofindsomethinggoodinanysituation.Thisismostdifficultwhenitisfirstpursued,butbecomeseasierovertime.Let’suseananalogytoexplainwhatismeantby

butbecomeseasierovertime.Let’suseananalogytoexplainwhatismeantbythis.

Imagineasportsteamjustplayedabigmatch,buthavefallenfarshortofexpectationsandwerebeatensoundly.Despitetheoveralloutcome,perhapstherewasoneperiodofthematchoroneplayerinparticular,whohadexcelled.Acharismaticleaderwouldbeabletorecognizethesebeneficialevents,whilestillbeingcompletelyrealisticaboutthedownsidesofwhathadoccurred.

Somepeoplewillbeaskingthequestion:Whatifthereisasituationwherenooneperformedwellandnothingwentright?Suchsituationsareveryrare,butlet’ssayonehasoccurred.Thiswouldbeagreatchanceforacharismaticleadertoexplainthatthelowestpointhadbeenreachedandonlygoodthingswouldfollow.

Youarenowequippedwithathoroughunderstandingofhowhappiness,andgenuinepositivity,contributetocharisma.Wewillnowexplorethemajormistakesyoucanavoidmaking,beforegoingontolookatsomeofthemostcharismaticpeoplethehumanracehaseverwitnessed,andthelessonsyoucanlearnfromthem.

Chapter11:HowtoKillCharisma:Don’tDigYourOwnGrave

Uptothispoint,wehaveexploredexactlywhatcharismaisandlookedatspecificwaysofbecomingmorecharismatic.Thebook’sfocushasbeenentirelyonwhatshouldbedoneandwaysofbecomingmorecharismatic.Wewillnowswitchfocustolookingattheforemostmistakestoavoidmakinginyourpursuitofcharismaticinfluence.Itisvitaltoknowwhattoavoidsince,likemanythingsinlife,charismacantakeyearstodevelop,butaninstanttokill.Toavoidself-sabotagingyourowncharisma,wewilllookatspecifictraitstoavoidandhowtheyapplyinawiderangeofdifferentsituations.

Indecisiveness

Indecisivenessisabsolutelycountertothecharismaticpersonality.Oneofthethingsaboutacharismaticleaderthatmakeshimorhersoappealingtofollowistheabilitytomakecleardecisionsandsticktothem.Ifyouthinkofanycharismaticleaderinanyfield,youaresuretorecognizehisorherabilitytoassessasituation,makeadecision,andstandbythatdecisiontoinciteoneofthemostpowerfulcharismatictechniquesavailabletohimorher.Sowhatexactlydowemeanbyindecisiveness?Whichsituationsdoesitapplytoandhowcanitbeavoided?

Indecisionissimplythestateofnotknowingwhattodo.Whyexactlyisthissodetrimentaltocharisma?Alargepartofcharismaticinfluenceandleadershipisinspiringpeopletotakeacertaincourseofaction.Ifyouareunabletomakeadecisionregardingthecorrectcourseofactiontofollow,itisimpossibletoinspireothers.Sowhataresomeofthemainreasonswhypeopleareindecisive?

Oneprimaryreasonforindecisionisgenuinelynotknowingthebestcourseof

actiontotake.Thiscanoccurforanumberofreasons;tostart,sometimespeopleareunawareofthefieldorcontextthattheirdecisionmustapplyto.Forexample,ifamanagerjoinsanewcompany,heorshemaybeunawareofthenuancesofthatparticularindustryandthusunabletooperateeffectivelywithinit.Inexperienceisthereforeamajorreasonforbeingunawareofthebestdecisiontomake.

Secondly,peopleareoftenunsureoftherightdecisiontomakeduetobeingpresentedwithdifferentoptionsandbeingunabletodecidebetweenthem.Thiscanbeavoidedifaleaderisequippedwiththeskilltoevaluatearangeofoptions,chooseone,andpursueitrelentlessly.Sohowdoesaleadergoaboutthisprocessofevaluation?Thekeyprincipleistothink,“whataretheaimsofthesituationandwhichofmychoicesisbestsuitedtotheaims?”Thisideaiseasiertounderstandthroughtheexplorationofanexample.

Let’stakeahumanresourcesmanagerwhohasbeentaskedwithhiringanewmemberofthestaff.Themanagermayhavearangeofstrongapplicants,butisimpressedbytwoinparticular.Ofthesetwostrongcandidates,itwouldbeuptothemanagerinchargeofhiringtochoosea“bestfit”approach.Thebesthirewouldbetheonethatwastheclosestmatchfortherequirementsoftherole.Thisprinciplecanbeappliedinanyothersituation,notjusthiring.Whicheveroptionoutofarangethatisthemostsuitableforasetofneedsistheonewhichshouldbechosen.Thisishugelybeneficialforcharisma.

Onereasonwhysomepeoplestrugglewiththeissueofindecisionisduetoaninabilitytounderstandtheimportanceofbeingdecisive.Peoplesuchasthismaynotseethatthereissomethinginherentlylackingcharismaaboutfailingtoevaluate,choose,andpursueadecision.Forsuchpeople,itisabsolutelyvitaltoovercomethismentalstumblingblockbeforebeingabletoharnessthepowerofdecisiveactionandavoidthepitfallsofindecisionandthenegativeimpactithasuponcharisma.

uponcharisma.

Anothermajorproblemwithindecisionisthatevenafteranindecisivepersonmakesadecision,peopleareunlikelytofeelinspiredbyitorwillingtofollowit.Thisisduetothefactthatithasnotbeenchosenwithanyconfidenceanditisthereforeunappealingforpeople.Ifpeopledohavetofollowadecisionlikethis,whichhasbeenchosenwithoutconfidence,theyarelikelytodosowithcautionandhesitationandwillalwaysbeexpectingittofail.Thisleadstoalackofconcertedeffortandislikelytosabotageanychancethedecisionhadofachievingitsintendedpurpose.

Sowhataresomeofthedecisionsinlifeinwhichpeoplebecomeindecisive?Oneisintheirchoiceofacareer.Somepeoplearesoparalyzedbythefearofchoosingawrongcareerpaththattheyfailtochooseanyatall.Otherpeopledon’tunderstandthattheyareincontroloftheirownlivesandareabletopursuewhichevercareertheychoose.Becauseofthislackofknowledgeoftheirownpowerandchoice,theyfallhaphazardlyintowhateverhappenstobeinfrontofthem.Ifyouwishtobecometrulycharismaticitisworthalwaysavoidingdetrimentalindecisionwhenitcomestoyourcareerandprofessionallife.

Anothercommonareaofindecisionrelatestoromanticrelationships.Thestartingpointforthistypeofindecisionisnotknowingwhatyouwant.Howmanypeopledoyouknowwhodriftbetweenrelationshipswithoutseemingtohaveaclearideaofwhattheyactuallyrequirefromthesituation?Toavoidthis,thevitalstartingpointistohaveaclearideaofwhatyouneedinyourlifeatanygiventime.Perhapsyourlifecircumstancesmeanitisbestyouaresingleandfree.Ifso,keepthisinmind,anddonotinvolveyourselfwithpeoplewhoarelookingforsomethingmoreserious.

Alternatively,perhapsyoudecidethatarelationshipisinfactrightforyou.Ifso,whattypeofrelationshipdoyouneed?Doyouneedsomeonewhoisfunny,kind,smart,orsomethingelseentirely?Ifyouareunabletoknowwhatitisyou

personallywantandrequire,youareunabletobedecisive.

Indecisioncanalsonegativelyimpactuponromanceinadifferentway.Often,peoplewillbescaredofactingdecisivelyinarelationship,throughfearingofoffendingthepersontheyarewith.Acommonexampleofthisiswhensomeoneisunabletochoosearestaurantorsaywhereheorshewantsgoonvacation.Althoughtheirintentioninthisindecisionisgood,theyenduphurtingthemselves.Thisisduetothefactthatdecisivenessischarismaticand,therefore,attractive.Indecision,ontheotherhand,isnotcharismatic,andisthereforeunattractive.

Trythisprincipleoutforyourselfinyourownrelationships.Thenexttimeyouareaskedsomething,giveadecisiveanswer.Evenifthepersonyouarewithdisagreeswithyourchoice,heorshewillalmostcertainlyrespectyouforhavingmadeit.Onlybytryingthisforyourself,andwitnessingthebenefitsfirsthand,areyoulikelytounderstandhowimportantitistobecomemoredecisiveineveryareaofyourlife.

Negativity

Negativityisanabsolutecharismakillerandonethatmustbeavoidedatallcosts.Wewillnowexploresomewaysinwhichnegativityharmscharisma,differentsituationsinwhichnegativityisoftenfound,andwaysofavoidingslippingintonegativepatterns,evenwhenitistemptingtodoso.

Earlierinthisbookweexploredhowpositivityandauthentichappinessarekeycomponentsforsomeonewhowishestoexertcharismaticinfluence.Itnaturallyfollowsthatnegativityiscontrarytocharismaandthereforeharmful.Whatmanypeoplefailtounderstand,however,isthatnegativityharmscharismamorethanpositivityhelpsit.Thispointcannotbeemphasizedenough.Positivityaidscharisma,butnotnearlyasmuchasnegativityharmsit.Sowhataresomeofthe

mostcommonsituationsinwhichpeoplearenegative?

Perhapsthemostcommonmanifestationofnegativitywithregardstocharismaiswhenpeoplearenegativetowardsthemselves.Somecommonexamplesofthisarepeoplefailingtorecognizetheirownstrengths,peoplefeelinginsecure,andpeoplebeingpessimisticaboutthefuture.

Interestingly,manypeopledonotactuallyrealizetheyarebeingnegative.Whyisthis?Oneofthemainreasonsthatpeoplefailtounderstandtheyarebeingnegativeisduetoabelieftheyaresimplybeing“realistic.”Peopleoftenthinkthatbyfocusingonthenegativeaspectsoflife,theyarebeingmorehonestandauthenticthanpeoplewhochoosetomaintainapositiveoutlook.Thisviewpointismistaken.

Althoughitisimportanttohaveafullandhonestunderstandingofasituationandwhatitentails,focusingonthenegativeaspectsisnotbeingrealistic.Thisisbecausebyfocusingprimarilyonwhatisbad,itisgivingadistortedpictureofthesituationinitsentirety.Avisualanalogyforthisispeoplelookingatagardenandseeingonlytheweeds,ratherthanthegardenasawhole.

Anothernegativesituationthatisharmfulforcharismaiswhenpeopleallowtheirviewoftheirownstrengthsandweaknessestobeoverlyinfluencedbyothers.Thisisusuallydowntoafailingtounderstandandknowoneselffully.Insuchasituation,peopleareeasilyledandinfluenced.Let’stakeacloserlookatthisideathroughanexample.

Imaginesomeonewhoinitiallybelievedthattheywereaskilledcommunicator.Iftheysimplythoughtthiswithoutknowingthespecificreasonswhy,theywouldnothaveaclearpictureintheirownmindofwhytheyfelttheywereeffective.Suchapersonisthereforeopentoinfluencebyothers.Why?Ifsomeonesays,“youarenotagoodcommunicator,”andoffersseveralreasonsforthis,thepersonhasnothingtocounterwith,astheirpersonalviewpointis

forthis,thepersonhasnothingtocounterwith,astheirpersonalviewpointisbasedonignorance.Theytrusttheotherperson’sopinionovertheirown,asitseemsmorelogical,andbecomenegativeaboutsomethingtheypreviouslybelievedtobeastrength.

Sohowdoesapersoncounterthisinfluencefromothersleadingtonegativity?Thefirststepistohaveaclearreasonwhyyoufeelthewayyoudo.Forexample,ifyouthinkyouaregoodwithpeople,thenbeabletojustifythisviewpointandhaveexamplesfromyourownlifewhichsupportit.Withoutsuchjustification,youarevulnerabletotheinfluenceofothers.Thiscanleadtonegativity,oratleastthepotentialfornegativity.Don’tallowthis.Protectyourowncharismabyunderstandingwhyyoufeelpositiveaboutyourself.

Otherpeoplearenegativeasastrangeformofprotectionandself-preservation.Suchpeoplethinkthatiftheyarenotpositiveandenthusiastic,theycannotbehurt.Let’stakealookatsomeofthemostcommonsituationsinwhichthisproblemrelatingtoalackofcharismaarises.

Aperson’scareerisoneareawherenegativityasaformofprotectionoftenoccurs.Imaginesomeonewhohasjustgotanewjob.Ifhisorherfriendsaskaboutthisjob,thepersonwilloftendownplayitssignificanceandexpressmorenegativityaboutitthantheyactuallyfeel.Thisisbecausetheydonotwanttosetthemselvesupforafailure,sotospeak.

Sohowelsecanthis“protectivenegativity”occur?Onesituationiswithinaromanticrelationship.Someonemightbeinanewrelationship,orevenjustcontinuingalong-termrelationship,butdespitefeelingverypositiveaboutit,heorshemayholdbackfromexpressingthispositivity.Similarlytotheexampleofprotectivenegativitywithintheworldofcareers,suchpeopleareaimingtopreventthemselvesfromgettinghurtbybeingoverlycautious.Ironically,bybeingoverlynegative,youarehurtingyourcharismaandwithittheprospectsofahappyandsuccessfulrelationship.

ahappyandsuccessfulrelationship.

Howcanthisprotectivenegativitybeavoided?Theessentialfirststepistounderstandhowsuchnegativitymayfeelprotective,butinfactisonlygoingtocauseharmdowntheroad.Untiloneisabletograspthat,inspiteoffeelingprotective,suchnegativityisinfactharmful,itisdoubtfulonewillbeabletoavoidthiscommonkillerofcharisma.

Negativitycanalsoinvolvespeakingbadlyofothersandfailingtorecognizetheirstrengths.Therearearangeofmotivationsforthisparticularcharismakillingbehavior.First,whenpeoplespeakpoorlyaboutothers,theyaresometimesdoingsoinordertomakethemselvesseemcomparativelybetter.Ifyouthinkaboutsomeonewhoisthebestintheirfield,theyarelikelytobewellawareoftheirowntalentsandabilitiesandnotneedtoemphasizethemtoothersasaresult.Thinkabout,forexample,aleadingactor.Howmuchtimedoesheorshespendstatingthatotheractorsarenotasgoodastheyare?Probablylittletononebecausesomeonewhoisconfidentinhisorherownabilitiesknowsthattalentspeaksforitself.Thereisnoneedtodiminishtheabilitiesoreffortsofothersinordertoseembetterincomparison.

Notonlyisbeingnegativeaboutothersineffectiveforthepurposeofmakingyourselfseembetter,itactuallyachievestheoppositeeffect.Peopleareawareofthefactthatonlyinsecurepeoplewithdeeplevelsofself-doubtfeeltheneedtodiminishothers.Therefore,peoplewhogaininthisoutwardprojectionofnegativityareharmingtheirowncharisma,reputation,andimageintheeyesofothersasanendresult.

Itisalsopossibleforpeopletobroadlyhaveanegativeoutlookonlifeingeneral.Whatdoesthisconsistof?Typically,agenerallynegativeoutlookinvolvesholdingaseriesofbeliefsandideasabouttheworldwhichmakeitseemlikealesspositiveplacethanitisinreality.Whataresomeexamplesofthesebeliefs?Commonexamplesinclude:mostpeopleareselfish,thereare

thesebeliefs?Commonexamplesinclude:mostpeopleareselfish,therearescarceopportunities,orthereisnojusticeintheworld.Sowhyaresuchbeliefscontrarytotheprinciplesofcharisma?

Whenpeopleholdnegativebeliefs,theendresultiswithdrawalfromseeingtheworldasitreallyis.Bydecidingtoseelifethroughadistortedlens,theycutthemselvesofffrommanygoodthings,whichwouldotherwisebepossibleiftheychosetohaveamorebalancedpictureoftheworld.Ironically,manypeoplewhoholdsuchnegativeviewsthinktheyarebeingcautiousandseeingtheworldhowitreallyis,wheninfactthisisfarfromthetruth.

Sohowdopeopleavoidfallingintohavingsuchanegativeoutlookoverall,giventhatitissobadfortheircharismaandabilitytoholdinfluenceovertheworld?Itisimportanttoseetheworldinabalancedway.Thisinvolvesnottakingwhatotherssayasfactatfacevalue.Oneofthemostcommonreasonsforhavinganoverallnegativeoutlookisbelievingwhatotherpeoplesaywithoutquestioningit.Tocombatthisdirectly,itisimportantforapersontolookathisorherviewsabouttheworldandreallydeterminewheretheyhaveoriginated.Hassomeonefedtheinformationtohimorhertoskewhisorherviewofreality?Hashisorherchildhoodhadanegativeimpact?

Oncesomeonehasidentifiedthesourceofasmanynegativelimitingbeliefsasitispossible,thenextvitalstepistothinkofarangeofmoreempoweringbeliefstoreplacethemwith.Whattypeofbeliefsshouldapersonchoose?Mainlybeliefsthatbetterenhancecharismaandalsoviewtheworldinamorepositivelight.Theguidingprinciplefordoingthisshouldbetoaskthequestions:IsthewayIseetheworldpositive?Doesthisviewaidcharisma?Inordertoexplorethisconceptingreaterdepth,wewilllookatsomeexamplesofold,negativebeliefs,andtheempoweringbeliefsthatcanreplacethem.

Oneofthemostcommonnegative,limitingbeliefsis,“theworldisanunfriendlyplace.”Peopleoftenhavethisviewafterbeinghurtandtakingtheir

unfriendlyplace.”Peopleoftenhavethisviewafterbeinghurtandtakingtheirown,limitedexperienceasrepresentativeofallpeople,insteadofthesmallamountofpeopletheyhaveactuallycomeacross.Abetterbelieftohaveis,“Theworldcontainsalltypesofpeople.Iwillfindtheonesthatarerightforme.”Analyzingwhythisisapreferableviewpointtohold,wenoticeitrecognizesthatalthoughtheworlddoeshavethepotentialtohavebadpeoplein,itdoesnotconsistonlyofsuchpeople.Secondly,thisbeliefmakesclearthatpeopleareempoweredtofindtherightpeople.Itplacesautonomy,andthereforecharisma,inthehandsoftheperson,ratherthanmakinghimorherpowerlessandforcedtoexpectwhicheverpeoplehappentocomeintohisorherlife.

Let’slookatanothernegativebeliefandhowtoreplaceitwithamoreusefulone—“peopleareselfishandonlyouttotakeandnotgive.”Peoplewilloftenendupwiththisviewpointaftercomingacrosssuchselfishpeople.Abetterbelieftoholdis,“Whilesomepeopleprefertobeselfish,thisissomethingthatonlyharmstheminthelongrun.Iamthetypeofpersonwhowishestogiveandtherearemanypeoplelikeme.”Noticehowthisbeliefisrealisticandbalanced?Itdoesnotshyawayfromthefactthatthereare,infact,selfishpeopleintheworld.Instead,itrecognizesthattheyarenottheentiretyofthepopulationandseekstomakethepersonwiththenew,empoweringbelieffeelthatheorsheisnotalone.

Finally,anegativelimitingbeliefregardingtheworldis,“Theworldisanunfairplaceandpeopledonotgetwhattheydeserveandbecauseofthis,Iwon’tmakeanyeffort.”Thisviewpointisoftenheldasanexampleofprotectivenegativity,exploredearlierinthischapter.Bydecidingthatthereisnopointinacting,peoplemakethechoicetoavoidtakingrisksandpotentiallybeinghurt.Insteadofholdingthisview,amorerealistic,andalsouseful,beliefis“AlthoughIcan’tcontroltheoutcomeofevents,Icaninfluencethemasmuchaspossible.Thus,Iwillexerteffortinmovingtowardsmygoals,asthisgivesmethebestchanceofthingsworkingoutinmyfavor.”

Noticethatalloftheaboveempoweringbeliefsarenotunrealistic.Theydonotpainttheworldasaperfectplace.Instead,theysimplyavoiddistortingrealityinanoverlynegativelightandharmingoneselfintheprocess.Youmightfinditusefultotakesometimetolookatallofthebeliefsyouhold,inanygivenareaoflife,andseeifyoucanreplacethemwithsomethingmorehelpfuloruseful.

Discomfort

Wewillnowlookatthevariouswaysinwhichalackofcomfortharmsnegativity,thesituationsthisproblemiscommonlyfoundin,andthewaysofovercomingthisblocktocharisma.

Discomfortisbasicallyalackofeasewithanygivensituation.Itrelatestopeoplefeelingworried,nervous,sad,oranythingotherthancalmlyacceptingwhatistakingplace.Discomfortcanbephysicalormentalaswellassituationalorgeneral.

Onetypeofdiscomfortisphysical.Strangely,thisisoneoftheeasiesttoovercome,butoneofthetypesthatoftenpeopleseemunwillingtotakeactiontocorrect.Whatexactlydoesphysicaldiscomfortmean?Itisamixtureofseveralthings-sittingorstandinginawaythathinderscharisma,wearingclothesthatreducesomeone’sfeelingofconfidenceorbeinguncomfortableinsituationsofphysicalproximityorcontact,suchasshakingthehandofanotherperson.Let’stakealookattheseindividuallyandexplorewhytheyareharmfulforcharisma.

Thefirstissuerelatestobodylanguage.Youwillhavehopefullynoticedthatsittingorstandinguncomfortablyisindirectcontradictiontotheprinciplesofcharismaticbodylanguage,whichwelookedatearlierinthebook.Thatchapterprimarilyfocusedontherightbodylanguage,ratherthanthattoavoid.Sowhatexactlyisatypeofbodylanguagewhichshowsphysicaldiscomfort?

Oneofthemostcommontypesofphysicaldiscomfort,relatedtoposture,iswhensomeonesitsorstandsinapositiontheyarenotateaseinorcannotsustainandthereforemustfrequentlymovefrom.Forexample,manypeoplestandorsitwiththeirshouldershunchedup,ratherthanrelaxedandatease.Thispositionisphysicallyuncomfortableandthereforemustbechangedafterashortperiodoftime.Becauseoftheneedtochangethis,itresultsinsomeonefrequentlychangingtheirposture.Thisresultsinthemappearingtobefidgetyandunfocusedanddistractsfromtheirwords.Bynow,youwillclearlyunderstandthatthisisincrediblybadforcharisma.

Itmaysoundstrange,butwearingthewrongclothescanbeverydetrimentaltocharisma!Whatdowemeanbythe“wrong”clothes?Therearebasicallytwotypesofclothingthatcanharmthecharismaticofaperson:clothesthatfitpoorlyandclothesthatmakesomeonefeeluncomfortableinsomeotherway.Thismaysoundverytrivial,butyouaremakingabigmistakeifyouunderestimatehowserioustheimpactofthesetwotypesofclothingmistakes.

Poorlyfittingclothingcomesintwovarieties—toobaggyortooloose.Ifsomeoneiswearingclothingthatistoobaggy,itreduceshisorherphysicalcharisma.Ifyouneedaclearexampleofthisconcept,searchforimagesof“poorlyfittingsuit”ontheInternet.Itmaybeshallow,butashumanbeingswejudgeothersbasedonhisorherappearance.Thereisnogettingroundthis.Thankfully,thisisoneoftheeasiesttypesofcharismaticroadblockstoovercome.Simply,haveaclearunderstandingofwhatclothingsizeyouareandmakesureyousticktoitnomatterwhat!

Thesecondtypeofclothingerrorthatcanharmcharismaiswhensomeoneiswearinganoutfitthatmakeshimorherfeeluncomfortableinanywayunrelatedtofit.Let’slookatsomeofthecommonwaysinwhichthiscanoccur.First,ifsomeonewearsclothesthatarelessformalthanasituationrequires,itislikelyto

harmcharismabymakingthepersonfeelunderdressed,andthereforenotpresenttothemoment,orpeoplewilljudgethepersonfornotdressingsuitablyfortheoccasion,causingthepersontofeeldiscomfortandinappropriate.

Sohowcanweovercometheproblemofwearingunsuitableattire?Itisquitesimple—haveacarefulunderstandingofwhatthenormsareforanygivensituationanddressaccordingly.Itmaysoundobvious,butmanypeopleoverlookthisandstrugglewithit.Somesituationshaveaformaldresscode.Ifthisexists,followit,butfollowitaccurately.Yourunderstandingof“smartcasual”maydifferfromthegeneralunderstanding.Ifyouareeverunawareofwhatadresscodeactuallymeans,justresearchthemeaningonlinefromareputablesource.

Othersituationswillnothaveaformaldresscodetofollowsuchasanightcluborsomeparties.Insituationssuchasthese,thereisobviouslyalittlemoreflexibility,butitisstillimportanttotryanddressinawaynotbeoffputtingtoothers.If,forexample,thevenueinquestionisanightclub,tryandtakealookattheirwebsiteorsocialmediapagetoseeifthereareanyphotographsindicatingtherightorwrongwaytodress.Failingthis,dressinthesamewayasthepeopleyouknowwhoareattendingdo.Thiswillmean,attheveryleast,youarenottheonlypersondressedacertainway!

Physicalproximity/contactisoneofthemainsituationsinwhichalotofpeopleshowphysicaldiscomfort.Someofthemainsignsoffeelingalackofconfidenceandcomfortbeingaroundotherpeopleincludefidgeting,movingaroundinadistractedway,avoidingstandingnearpeople,orshrinkingandwithdrawingbodylanguagewhenclosetosomeoneelse.Thisisasignofdeepdiscomfortandisverybadindeedforcharisma.Instead,peopleshouldseektobeateasearoundothers.Ifthisisaninitialstumblingpoint,itcanbeovercomebyseekingouttheproximityofothersandlearningtobeOKwithit.Thenwhenasituationisnotchosen,butrathernecessary,therewillnotbeaproblem

relatingtophysicalproximity,asthepersonwillalreadybeusedtoit.

Mentaldiscomfortistheothermaintypeofdiscomfortthatharmscharisma.Sowhatarethemaintypesofmentaldiscomfortandhowdotheymanifestoutwardly?First,findingyourselfinaneworunfamiliarenvironmentisakeytriggerformentaldiscomfort.Peoplenaturallyaremorerelaxedandateasewhentheyarearoundplacesandpeoplethattheyhaveatrackrecordofinteractingwith.Sohowdoesapersonovercomethismentaldiscomfortrelatedtounfamiliarity?

Obviously,itisimpossibleforsomeonetoseekout,andbecomecomfortablewith,everypossibletypeofsituationtheycouldface.Soifpeopleareunabletodothis,willtheyalwaysbeboundtobementallyuncomfortableinunfamiliarsituations?No.Whileitisimpossibletobecomecomfortablewitheverysituation,itispossibletobecomecomfortablewithnewsituationsingeneral.Inordertodothis,peopleshouldseekoutnewopportunitieswhenevertheycan.Thisresultsinthemindbecomingmoreateaseingeneralwithpeopleandplacesthatithasnotencounteredbefore.Ifyoutryoutthistechnique,youwillnoticearapiddifferenceinthelevelofcomfortyouexperience.

Situationaldiscomfortisatypeofdiscomfortwhichonlymanifestsinspecificsituations,notothers.Forinstance,somepeoplearefinewithspeakinginfrontofanaudienceingeneral,butfinditveryuncomfortablewhentheaudienceisconsistedofpeopleofa“higherstatus,”suchasasuperiorcolleagueoranelder..Otherpeoplearefinewithmeetingnewpeople,butstruggleiftheymeetpeopleandalanguagebarrierhappenstoexistbetweenthem.Anysituationthatisuncomfortableifacertainfactorispresent,butcomfortableotherwise,isanexampleofsituationaldiscomfort.

Thewaytoovercomesituationaldiscomfortisbytakingthetimetositdownandhaveacarefullookatdifferentsituationsinlife.Perhapsthereisatimeyou

noticedyoufeltdiscomfortanditsurprisedyoubecauseusuallythatisthetypeofsituationyouarefinein?Thisisoftenanindicationthatsituationaldiscomfortisaproblem.

Let’stakeacommonlyfoundtypeofsituationaldiscomfortrelatedtotheworldofromanceanddating—talkingtoaspecifictypeofstranger.Peoplemayfindthemselvesabletointeractsociallyingeneral,butwhentheyareinteractingwithanunusuallybeautifulmemberoftheoppositesex,itbecomesdifficulttodoso.Thisisaprimeexampleofsituationaldiscomfort.Inordertoovercomethis,thepersonwouldfirstneedtoidentifyspecificallytheissue.Isitpeoplewholookacertainway?Isitbeautyingeneral?Oncethesourceofthesituationaldiscomforthasbeenclearlyfound,thepersoncanthenbegintoactivelyseekitout.Overtime,assuchuncomfortablesituationsbecomeroutine,theyloseanypowertheyhadovertheperson.

Generaldiscomfortcontrastsdirectlywithsituationaldiscomfort,whereasinthecaseofsituationaldiscomfort,specificsourcesofworryexistforaperson,generaldiscomfortinvolvesnosuchobvioustriggers.Generaldiscomfortmeansthatapersonisuncomfortableregardlessoftheexternaltriggersinplace.Itisimportanttonotethatthisdoesnotmeansuchapersonisuncomfortableineachandeverysituation.Rather,apersonexperiencesdiscomfortinarangeofdifferentsituations,butwithoutanykindofobviouscauseortrigger.Thissoundslikesomethingverydifficulttoovercome!Worrynot;itispossibletodoso.How?Ifgeneraldiscomfortisaproblemtoyou,theremedyistofocusdeeplyontheinternalpillarsofcharismathatarefoundearlierinthisbook.Thiswillnotberecappedhere,merelyexpandedupon.Inthecaseofgeneraldiscomfort,themostimportanttoolthatexiststoovercomeitistoseekoutanysituationorpracticewhichresultsinafeelingofwellbeingandrelaxation.Ifsomeoneteachestheirbodytofeeldeeplevelsofrelaxation,itisgoodforstress,bothphysicallyandmentally.Sowhataresometechniquesthatcanaidwithgeneraldiscomfortandthereforepromotephysicalwellbeing?

generaldiscomfortandthereforepromotephysicalwellbeing?

Exerciseisveryimportant.Thiscanbeanythingapersonhappenstoenjoy.Indeed,itisvitaltofindaformofexercisethatisenjoyable,asthismakesitmorelikelytobeadheredto.Byexercising,apersonhelpshisorherbodytogetridofstress.Theyalsoreleasevarious“feelgoodchemicals”intothebrain,whichpromoteageneralsenseofcalmandpositivity.Thisthenmanifestsinagreaterlevelofgeneralcomfortandsubsequentcharisma.Takingthetimetoindulgeincalm,pleasurableactivitiescanalsoreducegeneraldiscomfort.Thesecanincludereading,learningsomethinginteresting,orlisteningtomusic.Anythingthatmakesyoufeelcalmandateasewillhelpyourcomfortlevelsingeneralandboostyourcharismainthelongrun.

Coldness

Throughoutthisbook,youwillhavenoticedtheimportanceofexpressingwarmthandcareinbeingcharismatic.Similarlytootherideasinthischapter,theoppositebehaviorharmscharismaagreatdeal.First,wewillexplorewhatismeantbybeingcold.Second,wewilllookatwhyitissobadforcharisma.Finally,wewilllookatwaysofavoidingthisroadblocktocharisma.

Charismakillingcoldnesscantakeavarietyofforms.Generally,however,itwillinvolveaperson’sthoughts,words,oractions.Let’stakealookatsomeofthemainexamplesofhowthesethreeaspectscancomeacrossascoldandwhyitisbadwhentheydo.

Coldthoughtsaresomeofthemostdamagingtohave.Why?Ifyouarethinkinginacold,compassionlessway,itisalmostcertaintomanifestoutwardlyinthewayyoutreat,andcomeacrossto,otherpeople.Sowhatexactlydoesa“cold”thoughtlooklike?Someexamplesinclude:Idon’tcareaboutothers,Ionlywanttohelpmyself,Idon’towetheworldanything,oranyothermodeofthoughtwhichinvolvesselfishness,orbeingclosedoff.

whichinvolvesselfishness,orbeingclosedoff.

Coldwordsareverbal,orwritten,manifestationsofalackofcompassion.Itisimportanttonotethatmanypeoplemakethemistakeofcomingacrosscoldwithoutmeaningto.Thereareplentyofpeoplewhoreducetheirowncharismabyusingwordsthatdonotreflecthowtheyreallyfeel!Someexamplesofthisincludesigningemailsoffinanabruptmanner,usinglanguagecontrarytogoodmanners,beingoverly“dry”or“technical”whenspeaking,oranythingelsethatreducesthelevelofcompassion,andthereforecharisma,whichisexpressedthroughwords.

Inordertoovercometheproblemofspeakingorwriting,inacoldmanner,itisimportanttogetthefeedbackofsomeoneneutralwhomyoutrust.Thisshouldnotbesomeoneveryclose,suchasaspouseorarelative,astheyareunlikelytofeelcompletelyfreetobehonestwithyou.Someoneinyourprofessionalnetworkoradispassionatefriendisagoodchoice.Then,solicitactionablefeedbackfromthispersonwithregardstoyourchoiceofwords,tone,andotheraspects.Besuretotaketheiradviceonboardandmakeadefiniteanddeliberateefforttobecomemorecharismaticthroughwarmth.

Coldactionsarethefinalaspectofcoldnessknowntoharmcharisma.Thesecanincludeaperson’sbodylanguageandeventhewayinwhichonemakesdecisions.Coldbodylanguageisanythingwhichrunscontrarytothebodylanguagechapterfoundearlierinthisbook.Itiseasytoovercome—simplyimplementtheprinciplesrelatingtostance,gesture,facialexpression,andsoforth.Dependingonhowdeeplycoldbodylanguageisingrained,itmaytakealongperiodoftimetoovercome.Itisverymuchworthit,however,ascoldbodylanguageisoneofthefastestwaystokillcharisma.

Colddecisionsareaformofcoldnessthatharmscharismagreatly.Whatexactlyismeantbyacolddecision?Basically,anycourseofchosenactionwhichseemstohavebeenmadewithoutthefeelingsofothersinmindcanbeseenascold.

Thisdoesn’tmeanthatdecisionscanonlybemadewhicharepleasingtoeveryone.Farfromit!Difficultchoicesstillcan,andshould,bemade.Theimportantthingistoensurethattheappearanceofcareandconsiderationisgiven.Aslongaspeoplehavetheperceptionthattheirneedshavebeenconsidered,theyarelikelytoforgivealmostanything.

Inflexibility

Inflexibilityisthefinalmajorroadblocktocharismawhichapersonmustactivelyseektoovercome.Wewillnowtakealookatexactlywhatinflexibilityis,whyitharmscharismasomuch,someofthesituationsinwhichitcommonlyoccursandhowtoovercomeit.

So,whatexactlyisinflexibility?Itiswhensomeonehasaveryrigidviewoftheworldandtheyareeithertotallyunwilling,orveryslow,tochangethewaytheyseethings.Thisusuallycomesacrossaswantingthingstobeacertainway.Rigidpeoplelikeaverypredictable,routinelife,andaredisturbedtoonedegreeoranotherwhenthingsdonotmatchtheirmodelofthewaytheworldshouldbe.

Inflexibilityisbadforcharismaasitshowsaleaderisunabletodealwiththeworldasitreallyis.Peopleneedtofollowcharismaticleaderswhohaveagood,carefulunderstandingofthewaytheworldworks.Ifsomeoneisinflexibleandrigid,itisindicativethattheyarelivinginanidealizedversionoftheworld,whichfailstoreflecttherealcircumstances.Ifsomeonecannotseetheworldasitreallyis,howcantheybeexpectedtooperateeffectivelywithinit?

Inflexibilityisalsobadforcharisma,asitmeansthatpeopleareonlyabletobeinfluentialwhentheirsituationatthetimehappenstoconformexactlytotheirpreference.Anydeviationfromthisidealizedrealityhampersaleader’sabilitytoact.Astheabilitytoactistantamounttocharismaticinfluence,inflexibilityisaseriousformofself-sabotagewhenitcomestobeingcharismatic,thefinalaspectoftheCharismaticEquation.

aspectoftheCharismaticEquation.

Inflexibilitycanoccurinalmostanysituation,buttherearesomemorecommonthanothers.Culturalinflexibilitycanoccureitheronanationalorcompanylevel.Culturalinflexibilityinvolvesaleaderbeingeffectivewithinthenormsoftheirnationalculture,butineffectiveoutsideofit.Companyculturalflexibilityoccurswhenacharismaticleaderisonlyeffectivewithinacertaintypeofcompanycontext,forexample,abureaucraticcompanyculturewithstrictrulesoramoreflexiblecompanyculture.

Interpersonalinflexibilityisperhapsthemostcommon,andalsomostserious,typeofinflexibilitythatharmsaperson’scharisma.Thisinvolvesonlyknowing,orbeingabletoshow,onewayofinteractingwithotherpeople.Asyouhaveseeninthebook’searlierchapters,itisabsolutelyvitaltointeractwithpeopleasindividualsandtotreatthemaccordingly.Awayofcommunicatingwithonepersonisdifferentfromanotherandthismustbeclearlyunderstood.Ifsomeoneisinterpersonallyinflexible,theyareunabletooperatecharismaticallywiththevarioustypesofpeopletheworldcontains.Theyarethereforelimitedintheinfluencetheycanexert.

Overcominginflexibilitycanbeworkedoninbothspecificandgeneralways.Toovercomeinflexibilityingeneral,youshouldchallengeyourselftofinddifferent,butequallyeffective,waysofoperating.Forexample,makealistunderanygivenheading,suchas“communication.”Thenlistallofthedifferentwaysinwhichyoucancommunicateeffectively.Bydoingthis,youwillshowyourselfthatthereismorethanonevalidwaytobe.Thisispowerfulasittrainsyourmindtorealizethatthereisno“onerightway.”Doingthisexerciseindifferentareasalsoprovidespracticalwaysofhowflexibilitycanbeapplied,ratherthanmerelyunderstood.

Overcominginflexibilityinaspecificareaofliferequiresyoutounderstandexactlyhowyouareinflexibleinacertainareaandwhybeingthatwayis

exactlyhowyouareinflexibleinacertainareaandwhybeingthatwayisharmingyou.Youmightbeawareofyourinflexibility,butunawareofhowtochangeit.Alternatively,youmaynotknowtheareasinwhichyouareinflexible.Askingothersandgettingfeedbackcanhelpwiththis.

Onceyouhaveidentifiedaspecificareainwhichyoufeelyourinflexibilityisaproblem,itisimportanttogetaclearpictureofwhatatextbookflexibleresponsetothissituationwouldlooklike.Writingthisdowncanhelp;forexample,inthesituationofculturalinflexibility,youcouldwritedownallofthewaysinwhichsomeonewhoisculturallyflexiblewouldact,talk,andcomeacrossingeneral.Bydoingthis,youcanthenfindwaystoapplytheseidealbehaviorstoyourownlifeandbenefitfromthembybecomingmorecharismatic.

FinalThoughts

Younowhaveabetterunderstandingofthemanywaysinwhichcharismacanbeself-sabotagedandhowthisproblemcanbeavoided.Understandthatthischapterisnotascomprehensiveasyourowninsight.Onceyouunderstandcharisma,youintuitivelywillbeabletounderstandyourownlifeandhowcharismaticitis.Itisimportanttoconstantlythinkofcharismainatwofoldway—improvingcharismawhileremovingroadblockstocharisma.Bybothdevelopingcertainbehaviorsandavoidingothers,youarehelpingtoensureyouliveascharismaticlifeaspossible.Itisimportanttorealizethisisanongoingprocessandyouwillexperiencesetbacksalongtheway.Aslongasyouarealwaysaimingtomoveintherightdirection,however,youaresuretobecometrulycharismaticeventually.

Chapter12:CharismaticRoleModelsDecoded

Inthischapter,wewillexploresomeofthekeycharismaticideasfoundinthisbookinanappliedway.Thechaptertakesalookatfourofthemostcharismaticpeoplefoundinourhistory,thewaysinwhichtheywerecharismatic,andthelessonsthatcanbelearntandappliedfromeach.Thefourindividualshavebeenchosenastheyallshowthepowerofcharismainrelationtoleadership,andtheyarefiguresthatmostpeoplewillhaveageneralawarenessandknowledgeof.Thischapter’smainaimistoshowhowcharismaisapowerfulforceintheworldandtoanalyzeanddecodethebehavioroffamouslycharismaticfigures.

MartinLutherKingJr.hasbeenchoseninparticularforhismasteryofcharismaticlanguageandemotionalintelligence.PresidentJohnF.Kennedyhasbeenselectedbothforhischarismaticlifeandalsoasanexampleofhowcharismacanprovokestrongreactionsinpeople.WinstonChurchillhasbeenusedasasignofhowcharismacanbefoundinpeoplewhomaylackbehaviors,traits,orappearances,whichsomepeoplemayassumeareneededforcharisma.Finally,cultleaderCharlesMansonhasbeenchosentoshowhowcharismacanhaveaverydarksideandhowitsprinciplesarenotselective,butuniversal,regardlessofmorality.

Foreachofthefourcharismaticfigures,theirlifewillbrieflybeexploredandrelatedtocharismaticideasfoundinthisbookbeforespecificlessonsfromeachindividualareextractedandapplied.

Dr.MartinLutherKing

Dr.MartinLutherKingisauniqueexampleofhowcharismacannotonlyimpactuponindividuals,butuponsocietyasawhole.Wewilllookatsomeoftheachievementsthatthisgreatman’scharismahelpedachieveandthenseektounderstandhowhisexamplecanbeappliedtoeveryday,modernlife.

understandhowhisexamplecanbeappliedtoeveryday,modernlife.

Dr.Kingwasabletomaketheideasofracialequalityandfairnessseemimportanttopeoplewhomayneverhavehadtoconsiderthembefore.AlthoughblackcitizensofAmericawereacutely,painfullyawareofthestruggleofracialinequality,itisnotsomethingthatthemajorityofthepopulationmayhaveparticularlystoppedtoconsideratthetime.Dr.Kingwasabletochangethat.Howdidhedothisdifficulttask?

OneofthereasonsthatKingwasabletoimpactuponpeopleoutsideoftheblackcommunitywasduetohisabilitytomakeracialissuesseemrelevanttoAmericaasawhole,ratherthanjusttheblackcommunityspecifically.Howdidhedothis?Bydrawingonemotionalandculturalintelligencetomakecomplexideasrelatable,suchasdrawingupontheprinciplesoftheConstitutionandshowinghowracialinequalityrancontrarytosomeoftheideasandphilosophiesfoundinthisdocument.TheConstitutionisimportantandclosetotheheartsofmanyAmericans,sobymakingreferencetoit,Kingwasabletomaketheracialstruggleseemrelevanttothosewhomaynothavethoughtaboutitbefore.

Kingwasalsoabletousetheideasofintellectualandemotionalintelligenceworkinginparalleltoimpactuponpeople’sheartsandmindssimultaneously.Howdidhedothis?Oftenwithinthesamesentence,Kingwasabletotouchuponboththeemotionalandintellectualdimensionsofatopic.Thisisakeyexampleofbothemotionalandintellectualintelligencebeingneededtobetrulycharismatic.Notonlyaretheybothneeded,theymustbeusedtogether,ratherthanseparately,tohavethemaximumamountofimpact.

Kingisalsoaprimeexampleofthecharismaticpowerofempathy,understanding,andwarmth.WhenyoulistentoKingspeak,orwitnesshiminteractingwithothers,itisclearthatheseemstocaredeeply.Heisnotmerelytalkingabouthisideasintheabstract;theyareclosetohisheartandhiswordsanddeedsconveythislevelofsincere,personalcare.

anddeedsconveythislevelofsincere,personalcare.

SohowcanyouapplyideasfromDr.Kingtoyourownsituation?Thereisnoneedtothinkhisideasapplyonlytothepoliticalorsocialdimensionoflife.Instead,theyareuniversal.BylookingatthewayinwhichKingcombinesintellectuallyandemotionallyintelligentlanguage,youcanusethisasablueprintforyourownwords.Nomatterwhetheryouareaprofessionaloperatingwithinacareercontextoranindividualoperatingwithinaromanticcontext,King’sintelligencecombinationisapowerfulcharismaticforce.

YoucanalsomodelKing’sbodylanguageandfacialexpressionsforyourownbenefit.Forexample,watchsomefootageofKinggreetingpeople.Lookatthewayinwhichheshakestheirhandsandhisfacialexpressions,whichseemtoconveywarmthandsincerity.Youmayfindthatyouareinspiredbythesetotrytheminyourownlifeandseeifpeoplerespondwellwhenyoudo.

PresidentJohnF.Kennedy

IfyoueverreadaboutPresidentKennedyyouaresuretoencountertheword“charisma”overandoveragain.DespitethefactthatKennedyissofrequentlydescribedascharismatic,thereisoftenalackofinformationregardingwhatexactlycausedhimtobeperceivedinthisway.

OnereasonwhyKennedywassocharismaticwashisapparentvigorandenthusiasm.Hewasoneoftheyoungestpeopletoeverholdinfluentialpoliticalstatus.Atthetime,theyouthofAmericawereenjoyingasocialstatustheyrarelyhadbeforeandKennedywasrepresentativeofthistrend.

Kennedyalsocameacrossasdeeplycompassionate.Muchofhislegacyrelatestoattemptingtospreadthecauseofhumanrightsaroundtheworld.Thisisanexampleofhowprojectinganimageofwarmthandcarecausespeopletorespondwelltoaleader.Noonewilleverknowhowmuchofthiswasfor

respondwelltoaleader.Noonewilleverknowhowmuchofthiswasforpoliticalreasonsorwhetheritwastrulyheartfelt.Thelesson,however,isthataslongasyoucomeacrossascompassionateandcaring,peoplewillrespondwell.

Kennedywasalsocharismaticduetothisseemingmixtureofintellectualandemotionalintelligence.Kennedywasabletoshowhimselfascompassionateand,therefore,emotionallyintelligent.Ontopofthis,however,KennedyhadastrongtrackrecordofacademicperformanceatsomeofthemostprestigiousAmericaninstitutionsoflearning.Peoplerespectedthefactthattheirpresidentwasabletoshowintelligenceinmultipleways.

SohowcanyoudrawuponthecharismaticexampleofPresidentKennedyandmakeuseofitinyourownlife?First,Kennedyshowshowhavingastrongintellectualappearance,withoutbraggingaboutit,canleadtoincreasedlevelsofcharisma.Thisdoesn’tmeanthatyouneedtobecomealeadingacademic.Instead,simplybeawareofwhereyourownacademicstrengthsareandbeconfidentaboutexpressingthem.Whendoingthis,avoidthemistakeofbragging,orshowingoff.

Kennedy’slevelofcompassioncanalsobeusedasacharismaticexampletofollowinyourownlife.WhatmadeKennedysocharismaticinthisarea?Hewasnotsimplycaringwhenitsuitedhim;heseemedtocaredeeplyaboutallpeople.Youcanapplythisbymakingsuretoexpresscompassionatewordsandsentimentsaboutpeoplewhoareoutsideyourimmediatecircleofsocialcloseness.So,forexample,don’tjustbecompassionateaboutyourownfamily,friends,andcolleagues;thisisexpectedofalmosteveryone!Youcanstandoutfromthecrowdbyshowingcareandheartfeltgoodintentionstowardspeoplewhohavenothingtoofferyouinlife.Thisisasignoftruecompassionandisverycharismatictobearound.

WinstonChurchill

WinstonChurchillisoneofthemostfamouspoliticalleadersofalltimeanda

WinstonChurchillisoneofthemostfamouspoliticalleadersofalltimeandaprimeexampleofhowsomeonecanbecharismaticevenifheorshelacksa“conventional”charismaticappearance.HowexactlydoesthisdescriptionapplytoChurchill?

OneofthemostwellknownandfamousfactsaboutChurchillwasthathesufferedfromdepression.Churchillreferredtothisashis“blackdog.”Thisdescription,inandofitself,isanexampleofthecharismaticabilitytoboildownanideathatiscomplexanddifficultintoasuccinctandunderstandableform.Bybeingupfrontabouthisdepression,Churchillwontheadmirationofthosewhoknewaboutitbydisplayingstrengthinthefaceofadversity.Inthewordsofthemanhimself,“Ifyouaregoingthroughhell,keepgoing.”

AnotherwayinwhichChurchillwascharismaticwashistrackrecord.Churchillhadarangeofmilitaryexperiencesinhislifetimeandhadwitnessedconflictfirsthand.ThismeantthatpeoplesawChurchillasamanwhowasabletounderstandandrelatetowar,notadistant,detachedleadersittinginanivorytower.

SohowcanthecharismaticexampleofWinstonChurchillbeapplied?First,Churchill’sdepressionisakeyexampleofhowamentalhealthconditiondoesnotexcludesomeonefrombeingcharismatic.Ifyouhappentosufferfromdepressionoranymentalillness,realizethatitwillnotautomaticallycauseyoutolackcharisma.Thisdoesnotmeanyoucanignoreyourcondition;instead,understanditandtakecontrolofit.Peoplewillrespectandadmireyouforbeingsobraveandcontrolledinthefaceofadversity.

Churchill’sabilitytomakehisownbackgroundsomethingwhichisrelatable,andthereforeinspirational,isanotherwayinwhichyoucanharnesshischarismaforyourownpurposes.Howisthisdone?Whicheversituationyouarein,thinkofwhatthepeopleyouaretryingtoleadaregoingthrough.Forexample,ifyouareasalesmanager,haveaclearunderstandinginyourmind

example,ifyouareasalesmanager,haveaclearunderstandinginyourmindthatthepeopleyouareleadingareunderimmensepressure.Byshowingthemthatyouyourselfhavebeenthroughthisinyourlifetime,theyarelikelytoseeyouasasympathetic,relatablefigure.Thismakesthemmorelikelytowanttofollowyou.

CharlesManson

TheinclusionofCharlesMansoninthisbookiscontroversial.Thatdoesnotmakeitwrong,however.Mansonisnotintendedtoserveassomekindofinspirationorrolemodelworthyofemulation.Instead,Mansonisincludedbothasawarningandalesson.Let’slookathowMansonwascharismatictoalethaleffect,literally.

InwhatwaywasMansoncharismatic?HeledacultwhichcommittedsomeofthemostnotoriousandgraphicmurdersinAmericanhistory.Mansonhimself,however,didnotkill.Hewassimplyabletoinspireotherstocarryoutevildeedsforhim.How,exactly,didthisoccur?

Mansonwasabletocomeacrossasverycharismatictopeoplebyrelatingtotheminawaytheyunderstood.Hedrewupontheculturallegacyoftheeratomakehimselfseemlikeafigureworthyofadmiration,atleastamonghisfollowers.Hedidthisbyportrayinghimselfaswiseandabletoofferinsightintothecontemporarycircumstancewhichwasaspowerfulasitwasunusual.

Mansonwasalsonotoriousforusinghisbodylanguage,inparticularhiseyecontactandfacialexpressions,toinfluencepeople.Manyofhisfollowershavesincestatedthathislevelofeyecontactwasalmosthypnotic.Evenduringhistrial,Mansonfrequentlymadeflirtatiousgesturestopeopleinthecourtroom,whichtheyrespondedto.Takeamomenttostopandthinkaboutthat.Aserialkiller/cultleaderwasabletoflirtsuccessfullywithpeoplefullyawareoftheaccusationsagainsthim.Ifthatdoesn’tillustratethepowerofcharisma,nothing

accusationsagainsthim.Ifthatdoesn’tillustratethepowerofcharisma,nothingdoes.

So,whatlessonscanbelearnedandappliedfromCharlesManson?Thefirstlessontotakeonboardiscautionaryinnature.Ifyoufindyourselfrespondingfavorablytoacharismaticindividual,questioncarefullywhattheirmotivesare.BesureyouarecomfortableandOKpersonallywiththeirintentionsforyou.Thisappliestotheworldofbusinessaswellastheworldofromanticrelationships.

YoumayalsodrawlessonsfromManson’scharismaticbodylanguage.Obviously,donotusethistostartyourowncult!However,youcanusestrongeyecontactandtheabilitytobephysicallyateasearoundthoseyouleadforyourown,hopefullynoblepurposes.

Chapter13:CharismaticConclusions

Younowhaveacompletepictureofwhatittakestobecomecharismaticinvariousareasoflife.Let’stakeamomenttorecapourCharismaticEquation.ACharismaticPersonality+CharismaticActions+CharismaticWords=The

CharismaticProcessorBeingCharismatic

Youknowthevariousinnerdimensionsofcharismathatmustbedevelopedandhowtheseleadtopotential,orinner,charisma.Youalsoknowhowthesealonearenotenough;tobetrulycharismaticyoumustexpressyourinnercharismaoutwardlythroughtheuseofcharismaticactionsandwords.Youhaveaclearunderstandingofwhatthesebothare,andhowtheycanbeusedinvarioussituations.

Oneofthemostimportantlessonsyouneedtotakeawayfromthisbookisthattheinnerdimensionsofcharismaarenotsomethingthatcanbeoverlooked.Withoutthem,themostyouwilleverachieveinlifeisgivinganappearanceofsuperficialcharm.Whilethisshallowimitationoftruecharismamayserveyouinsomesituations,itislikelytoleaveyouunsatisfied,andleaveyouopentothethreatofpeopleseeingstraightthroughyouandnotwantingtofollowyou.

Youshouldalsobesuretoheedthewarningofthechapterlistingthebehaviorsthathurtcharisma.Considercharismatobeafragilehouseofcards.Itwilltakeyouaverylongtimetobuild,butitcanbedestroyedinaninstant.Therefore,youneedtoalwaysthinkofdevelopingcharismaintwoways:developingpositivebehaviorsandavoidingnegativebehaviors.

Charismaticfiguresfromhistoryhavealsobeenofferedtoyouasbothawarningandaninspiration.Youareurgedtoneverstopseekingoutadditionalcharismaticfigures.Nowthatyouknowwhatcharismaisandisnot,youhave

charismaticfigures.Nowthatyouknowwhatcharismaisandisnot,youhavethetoolkityouneedtoanalyzeanygivenhumanbeingandseehowcharismaticheorshemaybe.Inthissense,charismaislikealensthroughwhichtoseetheworld.Neverstoplookingattheworldinthisway.

Perhapsthemostimportantthingforyoutokeepinmindonceyoufinishthisbookisonesingleword:application.Knowingaboutcharismaisimportant,infactvital.But,ifyouwanttohaveamoresatisfyingcareer,amoreauthenticrelationship,andamoreimpactfulinterpersonallife,youneedtoapplytheseideas.

Knowthatcharismaisnotallornothing.Itexistsindegrees.Youwillnotgofrom“zerotohero,”sotospeak,overnight.Likeanythinginlife,therearenocheatcodesforcharisma.Youneedtobewillingtoputintheworkandtostrivewithconsciousefforttobecomeamorecharismaticpersonineveryaspectofyourlife.

Onceyouhavedevelopedthecharismaticabilityforyourself,youmaywishtousethetoolsandtechniquesyounowpossesstohelpothersaswell.Ifyouareamanager,thinkhoweffectiveyourstaffwillbecomeiftheirownlevelsofcharismaincrease.Ifyouhaveafamily,imaginethesatisfactionyourchildrenwillexperienceshouldtheyincreasetheircharismainvariousways.Understandcharismaisoneofthemostpowerfulandimportantgiftsyoucangive.Begenerouswithit.

Finally,pleaseuseyourpowersforgood.Charismaisabsolutelypowerfulbeyondmeasure,asexamplesofcharismaticevil,suchasCharlesMansonshow.Understandthatyourcharismawillgiveyouunimaginedlevelsofinfluenceoveralmostanyone.Howyouutilizethisisuptoyou.Justbecareful.

Younowareapotentialmasteroflife’smostpowerfulweapon.Whatwillyoudowithit?

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