DAR AL-HARB By Murray Ross

The Denver Post New-Play Sampling Series

DAR AL-HARB: Scene 10 Lights up in Jack’s barber shop. Two chairs. Two barbers and one shop assistant pushing a broom. Bob Maiden enters with Sayyid Qutb.. BOB Hi guys ---brought you a new customer. This is Sayyid Qutob, our distinguished visitor from Egypt.

QUTB Qutb. JACK Very pleased to meet you Mr. Qutob --- Take a seat. MOE The usual, Bob? BOB Yup! Bob and Qutb are seated in the two chairs and attended to by Moe and Ed. JACK Anything special we can do for you, Mr. Qutob? QUTB I would be grateful for a simple haircut.

JACK You come to the right place for that. You got a lot of barbers in Cairo?

QUTB Yes . .

JACK Not much work for them I hear. . QUTB We have excellent barbers. JACK What with all you guys letting your beards grow QUTB I have never worn a beard. JACK Just a moustache. QUTB Yes. JACK Sure I can’t do something about that? QUTB No thank you. I prefer to trim it myself. JACK OK. It’s just not a real fashionable look over here right now. Reminds us of a certain Individual we had some disagreements with recently. QUTB I am not a German. JACK I’m not saying that--- excuse me. QUTB But at least the Germans were no friends of the English. Pause. The sound of scissors cutting hair. Moe changes the subject.

MOE You going to get yourself some wheels when you graduate, Bob? BOB Sure am. QUTB Will you be living in Greeley, Mr. Maiden?

BOB Hope so, yeah. After we graduate and Jinx and I get married. Might take a trip first. MOE In your new Chevy. BOB Right! ED (starting to sing) “See the USA, in your Chevrolet . …”Heard that one yet? BOB O yeah. JACK (joined by the others) “Drive your Chevrolet through the USA America's the greatest land of all”

BOB

Know what else I’ll be getting? One of those new mowers, a sit down Lawn Boy.

MOE Sears is selling them.

BOB They turn on a dime. High compression engines -- practically beat my coupe down the driveway. QUTB There are many lawns in America BOB There sure are.

QUTB And many in Greeley. JACK I’ll say. Paradise isn’t it? QUTB Yes, truly this place looks like paradise—gardens watered by running streams. But it is very strange. No one is out together on these beautiful wide streets. Everyone stays home and takes care of their lawns. I see them working in their yards. Mowing. Trimming. Fertilizing. Raking. Watering. Their own lawns in their own yards. Back and forth, round and round.

BOB Yeah, that’s the way it is. JACK Yup. MANNY Uh huh. MOE That’s right.

QUTB But that isn’t paradise. It is a kind of hell. BOB Think so? QUTB Even in the summer nights when the breezes waft over the city as in a dream, why do I never see a family outside enjoying themselves? BOB They’re probably inside watching their televisions.

MANNY Jack Benny! MOE Dinah Shore! QUTB

It is not like this in Cairo.

BOB We’ll get one of those too. The Emerson 600. ED Expensive. BOB Yeah—a Philco maybe. To start with. JACK You watch any television, Mr. Qutb? QUTB I have once seen the Texaco Star Theater. JACK Milton Berle! MOE What did you think of him? QUTB He is a very foolish individual. BOB He’s a crack up. QUTB There was one thing I did like. JACK What? QUTB The song the men sung at the beginning of the program. It is from a melody by Franz Lizst. MOE You mean, “The Men of Texaco” QUTB Yes, I think so. It had some innocent charm.

JACK We can do that one too. Want to join in? QUTB But I hardly know the words. JACK That’s OK---we’ll help you. Ready boys? The three men in the barber shop sing, joined by Bob, very much in the style of the classic commercial.

Oh we're the men of Texaco, we work from Maine to Mexico, There's nothing like this Texaco of ours. Our show tonight is powerful, we'll wow you with an hourful, Of howls from a showerful of stars. We're the merry Texaco men, tonight we may be showmen, Tomorrow we'll be servicing your car. JACK I wipe the pipe, I pump the gas; I rub the hub, I scrub the glass,

MANNY I touch the clutch, I mop the top; I poke the choke, I sell the pop,

MOE I clear the gear, I block the knock; I jack the back, I set the clock,

ALL So join the ranks of those who know, and fill your tanks with Texaco...

Sky Chief. Fill up with Sky Chief. And you will smile at the pile of new miles you will add. Fire Chief. Fill up with Fire Chief. You'll find that Texaco's the finest friend your car has ever had

BOB Once more. Come on, Sayyid!

They sing the chorus again, and this time Qutb does join in. When the song ends they all laugh and applaud. Qutb is, for a moment, happy in the company of these American men. Then Ed hands him a mirror . JACK What do you think? Qutb’s face falls and lights fade as he contemplates his less than elegant hair cut.. QUTB I am sorry. You have cut my hair like a lawn. Light Qutb fixing his tie and making tonsorial improvements. Lights fade as we hear the first minute of Nat King Cole’s “Nature Boy.”