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Whitewater Strategies, Inc.

CONFLICTLEADERSHIP

An Experiential Workshop for Learning to Understand and Lead

Beyond Conflict

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Conflict’s Coming!!!!!

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Energy Collides!!!

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And Friends Emerge!!!

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NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Conflict Leadership Workshop Purposes

• Our primary focus is to explore Conflict…– What it is.– Why it is important.– How (as leaders) we can go beyond individual

conflicts effectively. • Our process will include using real – personal

examples. YOUR EXAMPLES!! – Please treat the things you will work on as

confidential and personal.– Please be open enough to let us work on your real

issues.• We believe that learning should be:

– Both Fun and Frustrating…– Both Energizing and Exasperating– Always an experience!!!

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Team Exercise #1Getting Connected

• As a team – please discuss the following and be prepared to share your most important responses with the other teams.– Share who you are, where you work and why you

are here.– Identify at least one unusual strength or interest

for each member of your team. – Make a list of the top three to five things your

group wants to get from this session.– Identify a “name” for your team which you feel

represents your interests or goals and by which you can be identified for the rest of the session.

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Group Exercise #1

• The Facilitator will read Slinky Sam. • Individually complete the

questionnaire at the bottom of the page indicating:– T = True Statement– F = False Statement– ? = Not sure if the Statement if True or

False• Be prepared to share the number you

identified in each category.

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THE NATURE OF CONFLICT

–Conflict is neutral – neither positive nor negative, it just is.

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“Conflict is an interference pattern of energies.”

“Nature uses conflict as its primary motivator for change, creating beautiful beaches,

canyons, mountains, and pearls.”

“It’s not whether you have conflict in your life, it’s what you do with that conflict that

makes a difference.”Thomas Crum

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THE NATURE OF CONFLICT– Conflict is neutral – neither positive nor

negative, it just is. (Thomas Krum)

–Conflict is not a contest!!

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“Winning and losing are goals for games, not for conflicts.”

“Learning, growing and cooperating are goals for resolving conflicts.”

“Conflict can be seen as a gift of energy, in which neither side loses and a new dance is created.”

“Resolving conflict is rarely about who is right. It is about acknowledgement and appreciation of difference.”

“Conflict begins within. As we unhitch the burden of belief systems and heighten our perceptions, we love more fully

and freely.”

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Conflict is Inherent in Our Time

• Change.....................

– The world is too big for us. Too much is going on, too many crimes, too much violence and excitement. Try as you will, you get behind in the race in spite of yourself. It is an incessant strain to keep pace, and still you lose ground. Science empties its discoveries on you so fast you stagger beneath them in hopeless bewilderment. The political world is changing so rapidly that you are out of breath trying to keep pace with who is in and who is out. Everything is high pressure. Human nature can’t endure much more!!

The Atlantic Journal -- June 16, 1883

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Team Exercise #2The Nature of Conflict

• As a team – discuss and draw conclusions about the following:– How do you first “feel” that there is a

conflict? – What are the initiators of conflict?– Where does the passions, or lack of

passion come from?– What do you like or value most about a

“good” conflict?– What do you most need to learn about

conflicts?

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Team Exercise #3Veginots in Conflict

• In each Team – select one person to be Dr. Smith and one person to be Dr. Harper. – The rest of the team will observe the process.– Dr. Smith and Dr. Harper will be given information on a

conflict which they have to resolve. They should not read their information to the others in the group until the end.

• Following the conflict period, discuss as a group:– What issues were actually in conflict?– What issues did they spend most of their time on?– How did the parties feel about their goals and needs?– How openly was information shared between the

parties?– As observers – what suggestions did you have as Dr.

Smith and Dr. Harper were talking?– What would you do if you could start the exercise

again?

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Individual Exercise #1Thomas Killman Conflict

Assessment• Each of us responds differently to conflict based

on a “preferred style.” • To better understand your style – complete the

Thomas-Kilman Instrument.• Answer the following in your workbook and we

will discuss as a group.– Which style requires the most energy from the

participants?– What are the positive effects of each style?

• Avoiding o Compromising• Competing o Accommodating• Collaborating

– What are the negative effects of each style?– What did you learn about yourself from this

instrument?

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Conflict Framework Thomas Killman

CompetingForcing

domination Win/lose

CollaboratingProblem-Solving

Integration Win/Win

CompromisingSharing

Win a little/ Lose a little

AvoidingUncooperative

Lose/Lose

Accommodating

CooperativeLose/Win

Low High

High

Degree of Cooperativeness

Deg

ree

of I

nvo

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Personal Energy Needed

CompetingForcing

domination Win/lose

Moderate Energy

Collaborating

Problem-Solving

Integration Win/Win

Low Energy

CompromisingSharing

Win a little/ Lose a little

Moderate Energy

AvoidingUncooperative

Lose/Lose

Low Energy

Accomodating

CooperativeLose/WinLow High

High

Degree of Cooperativeness

Deg

ree

of I

nvo

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Conflict

Energy

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Avoiding• “Head in the Sand” – Lose/Lose• Answers come slowly since the parties avoid

confronting the issues. • The personal costs may seem high.• Appropriate when:

– Time is needed to think…– Others should resolve the issues– Parties need time to cool off.

• Need to gain skills in effective confronting.

Low Ener

gy

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Competing• “Winning is Everything” – Win/Lose• Willing to play hardball, use position power,

the “fittest and toughest” wins.• Effective when quick decisions are needed

and power relationships are accepted.• May miss valuing the reasons others

disagree and risk alienating others.• Needs to learn “listening” and helping

others be winners too.

Moderate

Energy

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Accommodating

• “Have it Your Way” – Lose/Win• Values Relationship and cooperativeness

over issues and results.• May get “run over” or feel “run over” and

not know how to confront the reasons.• Effective where fast, reasonable group

direction must be taken and they trust the issues are technical, not personal.

• Must learn that it is “OK” to have conflict, express themselves openly, and put their ideas on the table.

Moderate

Energy

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Compromising• “Let’s Bargain” – Win a little/Lose a little• Best where the issues are complex, both

sides have equal power, and middle ground is the goal.

• Differs from Collaboration in that the focus is on “concessions” (what will each side give up to get to the middle) rather than new options.

• Need to learn to value the other parties needs and desires and seek new and creative win/win solutions.

Moderate

Energy

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Collaborating• “If you can dream it – You can do it” –

Win/Win• Requires the faith that a mutually beneficial

solution is possible – even though you don’t see it at the onset.

• Requires creative thinking, valuing the other person strongly, and significant personal energy.

• Use where the issues and the people are both important.

• Must learn that not every decision requires the time investment of a collaborative decision.

High Energ

y

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Conflict LeadershipA Framework

• Balancing and Valuing the Energy

• Seeking and Gaining Understanding

• Creating and Adhering to Process

• Building for Mutual Benefit (Win-Win)

• Sharing Responsibility and Accountability

Creating and Adhering

to ProcessShari

ng Res

ponsibili

ty

and A

ccountab

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Building for

Mutual Benefit

(Win-W

in)

Seek

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and

Gainin

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Under

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Balancing andValuing

the Energy

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Balanced and Valuing The Energy

When a Freight Train is coming directly at you – you cannot stay balanced and stand in the middle of the tracks. To stay balanced,

centered and steady – you have to move out of the direct path where you can observe and choose your

action.

Creating and Adhering

to Process

Sharing R

esponsib

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and A

ccountab

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Building for

Mutual Benefit

(Win-W

in)

Seek

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and

Gainin

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Under

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Balancing andValuing

the Energy

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Balanced and Valuing The Energy

• Leaders who effectively build “beyond” conflict are comfortable with themselves and with the nature of conflict.

• When a conflict arises – they:– Maintain personal balance – the approaching

“Freight Train” will not “push” them to respond.• They often “move to the balcony” to see what is

happening before evaluating the issues.– Value and appreciate the passion and energy

that others are bringing.• This passion can be directed to win-win solutions where

“I don’t care” attitudes cannot.

Creating and Adhering

to Process

Sharing R

esponsib

ility

and A

ccountab

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Building for

Mutual Benefit

(Win-W

in)

Seek

ing

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Gainin

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Under

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Balancing andValuing

the Energy

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Habit of Proactivity

• In “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” Steven Covey describes the Habit of Proactivity as – “Choosing your Response”

StimulusResponse

Under Pressure -- Many People Respond to Stimulus based on Habit.

Proactive People Seize the opportunity to

CHOOSE THEIR RESPONSEevery time!!

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Seeking and Gaining Understanding

• Another of the 7 Habits:– “Seek First to Understand, then to be

Understood.”• Effective Leaders make sure that

“understanding” happens.– The leader listens to understand the other

side(s) of the situation.– The leaders helps others listen and understand

all sides of the situation• The parties must come to a “common

understanding” of the “elements” of the situation. – At this point they do not necessarily agree on

the cause, remedy or action to be taken. That comes later.

Creating and Adhering

to Process

Sharing R

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and A

ccountab

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Building for

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Balancing andValuing

the Energy

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Sources of ConflictUnderstanding Differences

• Conflicts generally arise out of differences between – FACTS – GOALS – METHODS -- VALUES.

FACTSGOALS

Rational

METHODSVALUES

Judgmental

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Team Exercise #4Sources of Conflict

• As a group – Identify a “real” conflict which you are facing or have faced in the past.

• For this conflict:– Clarify where there is disagreement and where

there is agreement in each of the areas outlined.– Summarize the top three or four areas of

disagreement.– Summarize the top three or four areas of

agreement.– Be prepared to share your results them with the

other groups.

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Differences in Facts

• Stop talking at each other and repeating facts.– “I think we’re saying the same things over and over...”

• Clarify that there is a difference over the facts.– “We see the same things differently...”--“we have

different facts. For example ...”• Establish criteria for acceptable facts.

– “We need some guidelines about which facts to accept.”• Decide whether the data you have is provable.

– “How can we prove the data in a way that’s acceptable to both of us?”

• Let go of the past. – Allow all previous opinions and views to exist as true for

the past – and move on. Decide now how to prevent future confusion over facts.

• Develop methods for resolving differences over facts (now and in the future).

FACTS

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Differences in Goals

• Clarify that there appears to be a difference in goals.– “We have different goals...”

• State your specific goals.– “My goals are...”

• Learn and state the other’s specific goals and be open for correction and clarification.– “Your goal appears to be...”

• Identify the difference between the goals.• Determine what will happen to the other’s goal if

yours is met.• Determine what will happen to your goal if the

other’s is met.• If a common goal is not possible, agree on someone

to decide which goal has priority.– “Since we can’t agree on a common goal, and each of us

feels strongly about our own – let’s choose someone to decide between them.”

GOALS

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Differences in Methods

• Clarify that the difference is over how and not what to do.– “We both want the same outcome; we have different ways

of going about it.”

• State clearly your method.– Learn and state clearly the other’s method and be open to

correction and clarification.

• Identify differences between the methods– “The real difference is...”

• Together establish criteria for judging the best method. Apply these criteria to your proposed methods.

• Try to establish alternative methods acceptable to both of you.

• Decide who will choose methods if you can’t resolve the difference yourselves.

METHODS

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Differences in Values

• Clarify that you’re talking about differing values that are important to each of you.– State clearly that underlying value you consider

important.

• Hear and repeat the other’s value and be open to correction and clarification.

• Acknowledge both values as legitimate. Avoid assigning right and wrong.

• State clearly the difference in values as it applies to this situation.

• Determine how both values can be preserved in this situation.

• Establish criteria for success. How will it look when our values are met in this situation?

VALUES

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The 5 Whys???Annoying, Frustrating and Enlightening

• The “real reason” is rarely found with a single question. – Often we have to probe deeply to

understanding the underlying feelings and discover the root causes.

• Whenever you want to build common understanding, purpose, and meaning, ask the “Five Whys.”

• Begin by exploring:– Why you are here -- Why you are doing what

you are doing – or Why do you want what you want.

• Then by following-up the initial discussion with the Five Probing Whys……

Why

?Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

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5 Probing Whys

Why is that important to you??Initial Response –

It is important because…

Why is THAT important to you??Response –

It is important because…

Why is THAT important to you??Response –

It is important because…

Why is THAT important to you??Response –

It is important because…

Why is THAT important to you??Deepest Response –

It is important because…

Why

?Why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

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Creating andAdhering to Process

• “Even the “Hokey Pokey” had a process.” (You put your right hand in,….)

• Understanding the Conflict is step one of the Process.

• To go from “understanding” to “resolution” or a new plan, we must be able to:– Build a step-by-step process to get to resolution.– Commit to follow the process.

Creating and Adhering

to Process

Sharing R

esponsib

ility

and A

ccountab

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Building for

Mutual Benefit

(Win-W

in)

Seek

ing

and

Gainin

g

Under

stand

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Balancing andValuing

the Energy

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Team Exercise #5Creating and Adhering to Process• With your team:

– Select a second Conflict and clarify the issues involved.

– Follow the “sample” process outlined in the workbook and create a specific plan for resolving conflict.

– Identify problems in the process which you would change or adjust in order to make it better.

– Be prepared to share your learning with the other groups.

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Thoughts on Process• Building a process often starts with asking

the right questions. Below are several questions which may help you get to a great process.– Who are all the individuals who need to be

involved in resolving this issue?– How can we make sure that all parties are

heard?– How will we collect – assemble the data?– When will we meet?– When must we have resolution?– Are we willing to commit to resolve it together?– What other resources or tools do we need to be

effective?

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A Sample Process• Take the appropriate immediate response

– Interrupt the conflict and suspend discussion --Move to a neutral site• Set ground rules & get agreement• Clarify what is in conflict

– Separate the people from the problem – Separate fact from opinion/perceptions– Decide what is trivial and what is important– Identify the issues (incompatible options, differences, understandings,

opinions, or beliefs related to:)• Goals, Methods, Ideas, Facts, Values, Needs, Roles/Responsibilities

– Identify Resources Needed• People involved, with information/knowledge

– Complete the discovery process• Set a time and place for resolving the conflict

– Re-clarify expectations, ground rules & goals• Get commitment to finding a solution together• Brainstorm options• Evaluate the options (possible consequences, etc.)• Select an option (seek win/win)• Clarify agreements, set action items & responsibility and get

commitments• Follow up to insure accountability

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Building for Mutual Benefit(Win/Win)

• “If you can Dream it – You can do it” (Walt Disney)

• Conflict Leadership requires that we transcend our preferred or “natural” style and work toward a collaborative, win-win option which meets the greater portion of all the participants needs.

• Finding Win/Win Solutions Requires:– An “Abundance Mentality”– Creative Thinking– Exploring Possibilities rather than Defending

Positions

Creating and Adhering

to Process

Sharing R

esponsib

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and A

ccountab

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Building for

Mutual Benefit

(Win-W

in)

Seek

ing

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Balancing andValuing

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Group Exercise #2Brainstorming Win/Win Solutions

• A “real situation” will be selected from the teams. Please remember these are personal, real and confidential situations.

• As a group – we will attempt to brainstorm solutions to this situation. The genuinely “new and creative” “win/win” solutions seldom come until after:– The ideas that “everyone could have figured

out.”– The ideas that were “really silly.”– The ideas that “could not possibly work.”– The ideas that require a scientific

breakthrough.– The ideas that were just plain stupid.– Sooooo – let’s list all of the above!!!

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Sharing Responsibilityand Accountability

• “Establishing a Budget is a great first step to financial responsibility. Following, Reviewing, and accounting to that budget are required if you expect to retire before you are 98 ½.”

• Resolution is not an end point – it’s the beginning of a new agreement. That agreement must be:– Clear– Actionable– Mutual (involve both or all parties)– Accountable (reviewed, improved and

recommitted to regularly.)

Creating and Adhering

to Process

Sharing R

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Team Exercise #6Leading Beyond Conflict

• As a Team:– Select another specific conflict which is of

immediate interest to a member of the team. – Talk through the entire process and build a

specific strategy that will help that team member to:

• Balance and Value the energy• Seek and Gain Understanding• Create and Adhere to Process• Build for Mutual Benefit (Win-Win)• Share Responsibility and Accountability

– Identify your key learnings from this exercise and be prepared to share your thoughts with the group.

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Things Leaders Need & Need to Do…

• Need:– Support – from above and from each other– Courage – to do what’s “Right”– Understanding – of people as well as issues

• Need to:– Expect more of each other– Build consistency at a higher standard– Put ourselves in order before we fix everyone

else– Learn to balance a basic conflict between:

• Maintaining high standards and • Maintaining relationships, including people &

working together Fred Price --Williams Communications

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Reading Review“How Management Teams Can Have a Good

Fight”• What are the key advantages of a “team”

in which the members do not always “get along?”

• What are the key disadvantages of a team which “gets along” all the time?

• In what way can being a “team player” be used to stifle creative and beneficial conflict?

• Why do we avoid assembling a team of “fighters” rather than “team players?”

• What is the most important point of this article for you? … for your organization?

HomeWork

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Reading Review“Don’t avoid Conflicts – Manage Them”

• Which key concept do you personally have to work on most and why?

• Which key concept should you work on most in your organization and why?

• How can we help each other, as leaders, resolve rather than avoid conflicts?

HomeWork

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The Challenge• “In this new world, you and I make it

up as we go along, not because we lack expertise or planning skills, but because that is the nature of reality. Reality changes shape and meaning because of our activity. And it is constantly new. We are required to be there, as active participants. It can’t happen without us and nobody can do it for us.”

—Margaret Wheatley