JANE SAYS .. chapter30

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Chapter 30 !!!!!!!!!!!!

Marissa Varcho <[email protected]>

Apology

Marissa <[email protected]> Wed, Feb 5, 2014 at 10:42 AM

To: "Sen. OSCJC-Chair Coley" <[email protected]>

Cc: Groseclose Emily <[email protected]>

Senator Coley,

I'm very sorry about not being able to provide oral testimony today in committee. I very much so wanted to push

myself to do so, show up and just do it-- but sometimes I hit limits and I've learned that when I do, I have to

break or else I risk compromising the resiliency which with I maintain my mental-health recovery. Today was

such an example.

I wanted to apologize though, because I hate breaking my word. But in light of a follow up hearing and the

pending status of potential revisions to support the mental-health consumer-- I thought it best to see what plays

out as possible this week and present my closing remarks at the final hearing. Please note though, if you or any

other CJC members have any questions regarding any of the compromise suggestions, I will make myself

available at any time to promote better understanding and clear up any confusion that may otherwise persist.

I want more so than anything, to support the mental health consumer by being a part of the solution. I know it's

going to be a long process--one for which I'd like to be present along with you the entire way--but any small steps

we can take right now towards moving in a more hopeful direction for the future, would still be huge. Your two

ideas with the attorney requirement and removing the criminal reporting provisions would be a great start.

I look forward to hearing from you later today, and again, apologize for coming up short at the hearing this

morning. I will rest my mind and be back to full capacity very shortly. I promise.

In the meantime, I just want to thank you again for everything. Your support and willingness to accept me in as

part of the process and our mental-health crisis-resolution team, means everything. Such kindness and

compassion for a person struggling with "serious mental illness" is still yet rare in this society-- and is what

makes the kind-heartedness you have shown me, so extraordinary.

Sincerely,

Marissa Varcho

Sent from my iPhone


Status

Marissa <[email protected]> Wed, Feb 5, 2014 at 10:45 AM

To: Collver Geoffrey <[email protected]>

Hi Geoff,

If you get a quick moment and could provide me any noteworthy highlights from the hearing this morning, I would

be grateful. I wanted to be there and speak, but my mental health needed tending to and I had to make it the

priority.

Thanks again for all of your help,

Marissa

Sent from my iPhone


Status

Geoffrey Collver <[email protected]> Wed, Feb 5, 2014 at 10:48 AMTo: Marissa <[email protected]>

Nothing noteworthy, no witnesses appeared. Brief discussion of possible amendments for next week, and noticeof intent to report bill out next week. he mentioned you may appear next week.[Quoted text hidden]


SB Amendments Previously Discussed - Status Update

Marissa Varcho <[email protected]> Wed, Feb 5, 2014 at 1:06 PM

To: "Sen. Coley, OSCJC-Chair" <[email protected]>

Cc: "Groseclose, Emily" <[email protected]>

Bcc: Marissa Varcho <[email protected]>, April Friedman <[email protected]>, Rachel Varcho

<[email protected]>, Geoffrey Collver <[email protected]>, Michael Kirkman

<[email protected]>

Senator Coley,

Regarding the SB43 provision requiring reporting of all mentally-ill persons to the national bureau of criminal

investigation-- please see the comment at the bottom of this article, posted by "Rich Armstrong":

http://www.dispatch.com/content/stories/local/2013/12/12/bill-lets-courts-order-outpatient-care.html

For the mental-health consumer, it is not a matter of who has "access" to the R.C. 5122.311 list-- what's relevant is

the very public, legal link created between the "mentally ill" and persons that must automatically be reported for

investigation as "criminals". The legal link has to be extinguished. Otherwise, if left as-is, it just gives "Rich

Armstrong"s sociological justification to treat persons like me with cruelty-- justified by this assumption that we

are all "lesser" human beings.

I know that this would be a significant policy change, but it presents a phenomenal opportunity to begin

combatting our society's unsubstantiated stigmatic discrimination against our mentally-ill population.

Discrimination which poses as a barrier to persons with mental-illness who might otherwise actually be willing to

seek out treatment.

I'm telling you Senator Coley-- even if you're a "high functioning" person who struggles with "serious mental

illness" like me, there's no half "coming out of the closet". You either do, or you do not because of this paralyzing

fear of the stigmatic consequences. I decided to "come out" because I wanted to help save our kids, but also because

my life, as it used to be before I began this legislative-advocacy-- was simply no longer a life even worth living. I

didn't want to be afraid anymore-- I just couldn't go on any further living under the paralysis of fear.

But definitely note, just over a month after I "came out" as a consumer in opposition to SB43, my employment was

terminated. The prior year, when I told my (then)husband that I wanted to move from private law practice into

mental-health advocacy, he terminated our marriage. The consequences for "coming out" are severe-- and the only

thing that's going to change that is a determination by our leadership that we are human beings worth protecting.

The consequences of your bold leadership example will trickle down to the masses, and begin the movement for

creating a more humane world within which "mentally-ill" people will hopefully one day be accepted as full,

valuable and worthwhile human beings.

The stigmatic harm created by R.C. 5122.311 for our mentally-ill population far outweighs the benefit to our police

force in knowing ahead of time whether or not they are dealing with a "normal" or "mentally ill" person. In

providing them with proper education and teaching them how to read the signs and symptoms of mental illness,

we can:

(1) Eliminate the need for a list which presumes all mentally-ill persons are criminal by nature;

(2) Initiate a significant stigma-busting force within our society;

(3) Begin building a police force which garners greater tolerance and compassion in dealing appropriately with

persons struggling with mental-health issues; and

(4) Eliminate the need for ongoing funding necessary to facilitate this "list" in the first place.

This would be a huge step. I know priorities must be made-- but I just wanted to take the opportunity to elaborate

on the case one more time from my perspective. (A) Providing appointed counsel to all AOT-respondents in the

midst of a mental-health crisis until such reasonable opportunity has been provided for the Respondent to make

his/her own arrangements for private representation, and (B) eliminating R.C. 5122.311 would be huge. I know

you're working on them, but I just wanted to give you this last elaboration on the criminal reporting provision in

hopes that you can use such an argument to overcome others current hesitations.

I appreciate all you are doing to create some significant good by means of SB43, and look forward to discussing

further here shortly. I will make myself available to discuss at anytime-- (614) 633-5155 --just let me know when.

Sincerely,

Marissa K. Varcho

[email protected]

http://thecultivationofbeauty.com

http://janesaysrise.com


Referral from Alan Johnson re: Pending Mental-Health Legislation Op-Ed Pitch

Glenn Sheller <[email protected]> Wed, Feb 5, 2014 at 3:17 PMTo: Marissa Varcho <[email protected]>

Dear Ms. Varcho:

In talking to several people involved in this legislation, it seems to me that the bill is not intended to be ageneral fix for all the serious shortcomings of the mental health system. It is narrowly focused on ensuringthat judges have the authority to order outpatient care. On the other hand, you appear to want the bill to bewidened to address the wider problems plaguing our dysfunctional health-‐care system.

Because of this disparity between what the bill was intended to do, and what you would like it to do, I’vedecided that a pro & con package of columns is not the way to go.

However, if you would like to write a letter to the editor, I would consider it. I don’t guarantee publication,but I would consider it. If that interests you, please keep it to no more than 450 words. Keep in mind that theletter should be written so as to be understandable to readers unfamiliar with this particular bill and who lackspecialist knowledge about the mental-‐health system.

Thanks,

Glenn Sheller

Editorial Page Editor

The Columbus Dispatch

Thursday February 6th, 2014 10:36am !Well…I’m in the middle of about 3 other journals right now too—that I’d really ought to finish first! But…what I figure instead—is really quite a big ‘ol fuck that ;0) !This journal feels relevant for some reason, and so you know how I work these days and all. The Universe my external compass; my heart, the inner. !I’m about to see Dr. Cottrell, and really, I’m not entirely sure what else to say! !I saw Geoffrey Collver yesterday at the Statehouse and it was…uhh…neutral (?), I guess…(?). I don’t know… !He was with Mary, and they were heading to the S.B.43 hearing from which I was leaving—but prior to which I’d made a big fuss about speaking…hah! !;0) !So I took the opportunity to explain and it was good—err, I mean okay, I guess… !They just seemed so separate. So separate from me, I guess. And they offered help with reviewing my AG proposal, and were impressed with my ideas in working with Senator Coley and very nice and cordial and all. So I’m not sure what it was—why they felt so very separate from me. !It felt at once, good and bad. I mean, great really—because when I walk around the Statehouse now, people know me and say “hi” and like to get to see me there, and I hold my head high and feel confident with purpose and conviction and genuine self-love and acceptance of myself for exactly who I am, and all that I represent. And that…for that—I have been dreaming in color by day and by night for what seems nearly an eternity now. It feels like a dream come true; except, not like any of the ones which came before it—all the ones I’d thought were dreams initially, but then all turned out to be nightmares instead. This time it feels genuine and hard-earned and legit… !It feels like an honor to be me—now…it feels like an honor—there’s just nothing quite like it, that I’ve ever felt before in my life. It’s phenomenal… !Without question, it is the beginning manifestation of my life dream coming true. And I still hustle for it every day—to keep it moving forward, and to keep it alive. But, to be it—to be her…I mean, to be me…I just can’t describe it yet, besides this feeling of living within a realized dream. !Alright, I’ll have to finish later because it’s Dr. Cottrell time. But suffice it to say, Miss Maris… !No matter what anyone else says, and no matter what happens next… !I am so proud of you—more than words can say. You are exactly where you are meant to be right now, heading in exactly the right direction now as well. It’s been a rocky, rough and tumbling…terrain. But all the more reason for this—as the former, competitive gymnast…you are meant to be. !All my heart and soul and love to you, bebe ;0)

Thursday February 6th, 2014 6:07pm !I feel like my heart is breaking into 15-million shards of glass right now and I have no idea why; and worst of all—it feels as though I just have to let it happen—let it break apart. Because there is nothing left to be done now. I just have to let it fall apart. !Thing is, I feel right now, like I am—finally—the Phoenix in Ani DiFranco’s “32 Flavors”. And accordingly, I do feel those thousand eyes watching me—smoldering with jealousy. It’s so strong—it’s almost enough to kill me. I don’t know…just so many things lately. !I was in Senator Coley’s office on Tuesday and I got there late and probably a week prior—I had asked his aide Emily if I could meet with Senator Coley to go over my compromise proposal and she said he was booked all day and could only afford a half-hour. !So anyways, on Tuesday, when it finally came—I sent out this big long email to Senator Coley with my Written Testimony and just all these other attachments—but I had to BCC it to everyone and so then, I was running late and the weather was horrible and the Statehouse parking garage was full. It was horrible. I damn near didn’t even go. I don’t think I even got myself parked in time to call Emily and let her know I was running late till 10:45am. The appointment was scheduled for 10:30am. I asked her if I should still come, apologized and said I was just very tired, and moving slowly. She said it was okay—and said to come. And so I went. !“Somewhere Over the Rainbow” is playing now on my iPad and I swear to god—I can feel it right now—I can feel this heart of mine inside of me, shattering. !I met with Senator Coley and then he had very shortly to run to a committee at 11am, but said, “can you stay?” He said, “stay here, I’ll be right back.” And so, I did—and I was walking around his office, looking at his books and his photos and all his things—and there was a framed photo of him in the middle with a big white matting surrounding it, within the frame. And it must have been a present from his campaign people to get him into his Senate office or something, because all these people signed it—the matting around his picture I mean, within the frame. And I read a couple comments, and at the end of the second… ;0) !Someone said, referring to Senator Coley—called him “Fly Boy”. Hah ;0) !Fly Boy… ;0) !I knew then—that I was exactly right where I was meant, to be. !He flies planes—Senator Coley…so I don’t know, I suppose it was a direct reference perhaps… !But it just made me think of Bob Anderson and Flytz Gymnastics and that sticker I have somewhere that says “fly girl” and the flowers Bob sent me after I’d quit, heartbroken—a dozen roses he sent to me at Hoover High with a note that just said, “Fly”. !He’d said when I told him I was quitting, “if only I’d gotten you just a few years earlier…” !Broke my heart. I’d arrived too late. !But this time.. !32 Flavors…poster-girl with no poster…32-years…just barely still, pre-fame. No poster…yet…

!I, am 32 flavors, and then some. I am there now…and I think my heart is breaking because this life I’ve been living now for so long…this hell of a life I’ve been living, trudging through again and again, one-day-more, time after time…it is about, to end. And the life I’ve been dreaming for…for so long—it’s just begun. I am in the middle now. !I am at the close of the prior and the start of the upcoming; and right now, this very moment in which I sit here, living—breathing…I am in the transition that is to lead me into the life I have for so long, been dreaming. And I am terrified… !And I can feel the hated surrounding me from all sides… !I had a dream about Lindsay Lowa two nights ago for god’s sake! I can feel the hate…as I rise. !I have begun ascent… !The time is now. !So holy hell and jesus chrimanetly and my FDC Queen and mother Mary! Here we go!!!

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JANE SAYS .. chapter30