Love Systems Insider: Focus on Attraction

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Love Systems InsiderDate: October 2006

Focus on Attraction: Most Women You Approach ShouldBecome Attracted to You

Part I: Building Attraction

Most women you approach should become attracted to you.

Really.

Read that sentence again. Is this the case in your life?

If not, we have to talk. First, we need to define terms:

By "women," I mean women in whom you are interested. As you should already know, itdoesn't help you to make her friends intensely interested in you, since they might getjealous and poison the atmosphere. A little bit of attraction from her friends is okay, but

not too much.

By "you," I mean someone who has studied the teachings of Love Systems a fair bit.

By "attracted," I mean that a woman is interested in or curious about you as a man. ItDOES NOT mean that she will sleep with you, date you, or even give you her phonenumber. Women are attracted to men all the time. Social pressure and evolutionarybiology make it so that women hardly ever act on their attraction. [Advanced note: somewomen get scared when they feel "too attracted" to someone and break off contact withhim. So, the qualification and comfort phases taught by Love Systems serve the purposeof, among other things, helping women act on the attraction that it's so easy to create.]

Now that we agree on what attraction is, the next important thing is to be able to know when youhave achieved it. There are specific clues that many women will give when they are attracted;we call these Indicators of Interest (IOIs). Magic Bullets lists many of these; here are some ofthe most important ones:

She is laughing, smiling, and/or holding eye contact with you.
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She touches you.

She asks you personal questions about yourself (e.g., your name, your age, whether youhave a girlfriend).

She reinitiates conversation when you stop talking.

She compliments you.

She plays with her hair while talking to you.

None of these are hard and fast rules. A woman can engage in some or even all of thesebehaviors without being attracted to you, or she can engage in none of them and still beattracted. These are guides, not laws of physics. There's only one true way to tell if a woman isattracted to you, and that's to qualify her. You put on the frame that you are screening her.

Qualifying is a subtle, playful process. If you have trouble qualifying, get a copy ofMagic

Bullets and read it twice. We don't have time to cover it here again, but qualification is anabsolutely vital process that most people miss. It's also one of the key inventions taught by LoveSystems, and not much of the teachings will work properly if you can't qualify effectively.

We've reviewed what attraction is, what it isn't, and how to know when you're doing it right anddoing it wrong. Now, let's address some common sticking points.

Part II: Working Through Sticking Points

Basic Level

If you are not getting attraction most of the time, here are some tips that may help:

Get rid of the fluff: Quick what is a DHV? What is teasing? What's a false timeconstraint? What are the major types of DHVs? If you don't know this stuff off the top ofyour head, you are NOT going to attract most women. These are the fundamental
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building blocks of attraction, and anything else you are saying after the opener is just

fluff. If you don't know this stuff, go read up on attraction in Magic Bullets. The rest ofthis will just confuse you. I can't say this strongly enough if you don't know what typesof things really attract a woman, you can't possibly hope for success. It would be liketrying to play soccer without knowing the rules.

Let your body language telegraph confidence, not neediness: It is hard to teach thisoutside of a bootcamp, but if you think you have this problem, get your wingman towatch you. Do you lean in to hear what women are saying, or do you stand up straight?Do you open at an angle, or do you walk directly up to a woman? Are you clutching adrink in front of your chest, as a kind of protection mechanism? Do you fidget and move

around a lot while talking to women, or do you have a calm, relaxed posture? Watchsuccessful men or Love Systems instructors approach women it's vastly different from90% of the rest of the population.

Dial up the volume: A commanding, confident voice is an extremely powerful tool. Inloud venues, she has to be able to hear you clearly, and, in any venue, a quiet or timidvoice is as unattractive to women as a limp-wristed handshake. If a woman ever has tostrain to hear you during attraction or ask you to repeat what you said, that'sunacceptable. Make sure this never happens.Hint: almost every man is too quiet insteadof too loud.

False time constraint: You must give a time constraint at least once - within the firstminute or so of your interaction with a woman. Ideally within the first few seconds. "Ican only stay for a minute; my friends are here, but..." makes a great preface forwhatever it is you want to say early in the interaction.

Don't fluff the opener: As I've said before, problems in one phase are often attributable toproblems in a previous phase. For example, qualification is very difficult if you didn'tattract properly. Comfort can go awry several hours later because of mistakes you madeduring qualification. And, relevant here, attraction is much more difficult if you don'topen and transition smoothly. Every set should open. Opening is not difficult.

Sticking Points: Intermediate

Remember the 90-10 rule: In the first few minutes of an interaction with a woman, youwill need to be doing about 90% of the talking. Often, attraction dies because a womanneeds to work too hard to keep the conversation going. Given that A) she doesn't know
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you, B) that you approached her, and C) that there are 10 other guys waiting to talk to her

who won't make her work so hard, she IS in a position of being able to make you do mostof the work. Deal with it. Keep it fun and exciting, without being the "dancing monkey."Until you are sure you have attraction, be prepared to talk 90% of the time. If shecontributes more than 10% of the conversation, great... but don't expect her to.

Don't overdo it: As men become proficient in the use of DHVs and teasing, it is easy toget addicted to the reactions they create from women. It's natural for this to happen. It's alot of fun to be able to approach women (especially the type of women who wouldn'thave been attracted to you before studying the methods taught by Love Systems) and getthem laughing, touching you, and showing interest in you. However, too much of this is

counterproductive, and it gets boring for women. Once you've attracted the woman youwant, move on to qualification. The end result is far more exciting than her touchingyour arm again.

Practice your storytelling: Telling stories is one of the effective ways to build attractionand comfort.

It matters what you do before you approach: If you are staring around like a shark,looking for women to approach, women will notice and will be instantly defensive (i.e.,not open to being attracted). What you do before you approach is as important as what

you do when you approach.

Pace your delivery. Many men speak too quickly when first meeting a woman. Thissuggests nervousness, as if you have to get everything out quickly before your listenersstop paying attention. Adopt the attitude that you are interesting, that what you have tosay is interesting, and that you are accustomed to people listening to what you have tosay. Even if you don't think you talk too quickly, try slowing it down in your next fewapproaches. You may well be quite surprised.

Sticking Points: Advanced

Watch the teasing: Teasing too much, especially to women who don't feel self-confidentat that moment or who are very "nice" can be taken the wrong way and destroyattraction. On the other hand, teasing too little or too late on very attractive women couldlead them to dismiss you. If what you're doing now isn't consistently generatingattraction, try this system: If she's friendly and responding positively, and not among themost attractive women in the room, try going without teasing. If she's not especially


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friendly, tease her. To the most beautiful women in the room, tease during the opener and

transition. There's nothing special about this system, but it's a rule of thumb and using itmight reveal opportunities to improve what you'd been doing previously.

Have you gotten too good? Women often try to regulate their attraction emotions. If theyfeel too attracted too quickly, they will sometimes pull back. There are two solutions tothis. 1) As you get better, start testing for qualification earlier and earlier. I was surprisedwhen I realized that, on a good day, I could move straight into qualification within 2-5minutes instead of the 10-15 minutes it always used to take. 2) Watch for "passive IOIs."A passive IOI is when a woman doesn't necessarily do something that conveys that she isattracted to you, but by NOT doing something that she might otherwise have been

expected to do shows that she might be attracted. For example, at a busy, excitingnightclub, if a woman spends 20 minutes talking to you, she is probably attracted to youwhether she gives you IOIs or not. Or if she doesn't go to the bathroom or to the dancefloor with her friends. Or if it's at a coffee shop, and she's there talking to you long afterher coffee is done. You get the idea...

Bring women into your reality: This is connected to frame control, but slightly different.If you have an air of excitement, an energy level slightly greater than hers, and a genuinepassion for what you are doing, you will get much better results. Enthusiasm iscontagious. How do you do that? Go out with confident, high-energy wingmen. Rewardyourself for a successful night out where success is defined as practicing and learning

so meeting women is fun rather than work. Personalize your openers, stories, androutines to things that you are genuinely passionate about. Someone with excitement andenthusiasm in his eyes talking about a model train set he built for his nephew (on thesurface, not that fascinating to women) will get far better results than someone walkingthrough the motions of talking about his career as a race car driver. If you go out at night,go to places where they play music you like. If you're practicing Day Game, go to venuesthat make you feel good.

Practice all of these. Study the resources that are available to you. Everyone should be able toopen 100% of the time and gain attraction at least 50% of the time (or significantly more). Idon't mind if you guys lose a potential relationship during the comfort stage once in a while, butthere's no excuse for losing often early on.

Savoy

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Love Systems Insider: Focus on Attraction