Love Systems Insider: Routines, Bootcamp instructor ratio, Dating sisters

8/14/2019 Love Systems Insider: Routines, Bootcamp instructor ratio, Dating sisters

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Love Systems InsiderDate: March 2007

Q&A with Savoy

Q #1:Love Systems,

I'm hooked on theInterview Series! Savoy and The Don on Using and Creating Routinesopened my eyes.Every day I try to replace one "canned" routine with one that is from my life or that has some meaning tome and you guys are right, people react better. It's like they know what's real and what's not. And usingmy own routines is a lot more fun too! I didn't really understand it though when Savoy said that you usefewer routines the longer you talk to someone. Why is this?

- E.A., Albany, NYA:Dear E.A.,

There are a couple of simple reasons for this and a more complex one:

The simple reasons include the fact that at the beginning of a conversation I might be talking 90% of thetime, which is essentially a series of monologues, and later I might be talking 50% of the time, which is

more of a dialogue. Most, but not all, routines are either monologues or essentially function asmonologues (where her input does not generally change the direction of the routine). Another reason isthat earlier in an interaction, women are especially looking to be entertained, which lends itself toroutines more than connection, trust, curiosity, shared values, and so on. People in social environmentsare generally entertained by the same sorts of things. So a good entertaining routine will do. Whereaspeople feel the more complex psychological states of trust and curiosity in different ways. So even if I amgoing to use a routine, I will want to calibrate it to her.

This is related to the more complex reason. Let's say I meet someone, get to know her, and am at acertain point where the emotion that I'd like her to feel is one of commonality and being connected to me.Sure I have routines - stories from my life - that generally make people feel connected to me. My deserthot air balloon story is a good one here, since I can lead her on the same emotional journey that I took.The basic human emotions I felt - and can talk about - are ones that she can feel too. Any person can,which is why it's a good story (or routine), especially if I don't know much about the person I'm talkingto.

But, I can usually do better than that after I've gotten to know a woman. Let's say that I've learned that weboth love sailing. I'll probably tell her a sailing story from my life, even if it's not a polished routine. OrI'll create an imaginary future where we are both sailing together, and describe the scene full of so muchdescriptive detail that it will be real for her - and me - and we can share that psychological experience andconnection together. This should resonate more with her because it is personal to her psychology, thanwould a routine that is designed to resonate with her because she is a human, or because she is a woman.
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Put another way, I would rather do something that gets outstanding results with the woman I'm talking to

- even it wouldn't work with anyone else - than do something that I know gets very good results withmost women but outstanding results with none. As Voltaire said "the enemy of the good is the best."

If I can end a letter about routine structure and dating theory by quoting Voltaire, I'm going to. So let'smove onto the next one.

Take Care,

Savoy

Q #2:

Love Systems,

I don't get it. You have 8 guys on a bootcamp and one instructor. How does anyone learn anything? Isubscribe to your Interview Series and it has helped me a lot, but how does your instructor keep track ofso many people at night when he's supposed to be watching you and correcting your mistakes?

- J.S., Austin, TXA:Dear J.S.,

I agree. I don't see how 8 students and one instructor would work. And ourreviews would suffer. I don'tlet people stick around as instructors if their reviews aren't outstanding.

I'm not sure where this information comes from, but we always ensure that we have at least a 3:1student:instructor ratio, and usually much better. For example, even though a bootcamp in Vancouvermight be led by Tenmagnet, others will also be there. That's why a lot of the guys on ourinstructors' biopage don't appear to be teaching programs on ourschedule. In many cases, they are active instructors, buthave not yet reached the level of Mr. M, Tenmagnet, The Don, Braddock, or Soul where they are set upto be lead instructors.

The lead instructor is the one responsible for the overall performance of the workshop, and is also the onedoing most of the in-class teaching. Also, we don't usually have 8 students. Our capacity is usually set at6, 9, or 12 students, depending on the city, and our programs generally sell out. That's why we have awaiting list for some cities.

A little secret is that we actually like what we do and we like working with students. So even when aninstructor doesn't have a program on a specific weekend, he may still come to help out at a program. Lastyear I popped into several of our instructors' workshops and frequently they return the favor. It's fun to goto other instructors' bootcamps, we all like each other and learn from each other, and we like meetingstudents and helping them meet their goals.

Take care,
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Savoy

Q #3:Love Systems,

Thank you so much for what you do. I know you hear this all the time, but you changed my life. I'mseeing a girl who I'm pretty into. I've known her for about two months and now I'm getting to know herfamily too. Her sister is really, really cute (like, cuter than my girlfriend but I think my girlfriend'spersonality is better) and I think I'm getting signals from her. I'm really curious how you guys would playthis. I don't want to lose my girlfriend, but I'm wondering how I can get her sister too? Should I even be

thinking like this?

- E.M., Reno, NVA:Dear E.M.,

No.

Take Care,

Savoy

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Love Systems Insider: Routines, Bootcamp instructor ratio, Dating sisters