Love Systems Insider: When Is It Okay to Hit on Your Friends?

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Love Systems InsiderDate: December 2008

When Is It Okay to Hit on Your Friends?

Last weekend I was leading a bootcamp in Los Angeles with top Love Systems instructorsBraddockandThe Don. In addition to all of the fun of students attracting beautiful women,showing some of the newest techniques, and all around turning average guys into rock stars, wehad a chance to talk about some Game 2.0 stuff.

Game 2.0 is just a fancy term for the next level in attracting beautiful women beyond going tobars and clubs and approaching women you dont know (which we call cold approach). Itincludes stuff likesocial circle game, day game, inner game,strippers and hired guns, and soon.

Braddock in particular has a ton of things to say about Social Circle game he should, ofcourse, since he andMr. Mdeveloped the Social Circle Mastery seminar. Social CircleMastery is all about getting into social groups full of beautiful women, finding and befriendinghigh-value people to attract more beautiful women, getting together with the lets just befriends girl, and more.

So, today we wanted to get his thoughts on a common question:

When and how do you try to hit on a female friend youre attracted to?

Over to Braddock...

Most guys make a move way too early or way too late. Both are problems.

If you wait too long, you may be stale to her and an easy candidate for the Lets-Just-Be-Friends zone.

If you make a move too early, you can come across as sleazy and make her feel awkward anduncomfortable. Like Savoy said in thebreakthrough interview on female psychology, women

react to social awkwardness the way men react to hand grenades. They run. So, dont be asocial hand grenade. Leave your cold approach game at home, and dont treat your social circlelike a nightclub.

(Credit for some of these ideas Savoy on Social Circle Game, which is an excellentintroduction for Mr. M and mySocial Circle Mastery Seminar.)

Ive gone to both extremes in my life, in part because this really wasnt easy to figure out.(Arent you glad I did all the hard work to learn all of this and all you have to do is read it?)
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For example, in cold approach fortune favors the bold but in social circle game this mentality

often does more harm than good...

... except, somehow, the guys I met who were consistently attracting the most beautiful fromwithin their social circle were among the boldest men Ive met.

So, be bold... but dont be bold... but do!?!?!?!??... anyone else confused? All I wanted to dowas know when to pull the trigger when Im around a woman who is already in my social circle.Fortunately... the basic answer is simple, and Im going to share it with you here. Write thisdown:

Social Circle attraction doesnt begin until investment begins.

Investment Increases = Frequency and Intensity of my attraction game increases. Investment Decreases = Frequency and Intensity of my attraction game decreases.

In this context, investment and specifically, investment momentum - is when a woman isfollowing your lead and responding to your suggestion. Investment can be something little (e.g.,going out to the patio for a quieter conversation with you when you first meet her) or big(coming over to your house when you call at 2am). Responding to a text message requires lessinvestment than answering the phone. [Thats why as youll see in my upcoming Phone andText Gameproduct if youre not sure how into you (invested in you) she is, you might want tostart with a text message.]

Understanding investment is CRUCIAL to social circle game.

The Three Secrets so she invests in you

People are more willing to invest and build investment momentum when these three factorsare in play. Each of them helps individually, and they all work together, so its best to establishas many of these as possible.

1. High Value: People will invest in higher-value members of a group. Everyone does it tosome extent, and women have a great radar for who is more important socially.

(The concept of social value is explained in Tenmagnet and Future's interview On Valueand in Chapter 3 ofMagic Bullets. Its the fundamental currency of attraction.)

2. Time: The longer you know someone and the more experience you have with that

person, the stronger you feel about any impression you have of him/her. So, even if shesees you as high value when you first meet, she might not feel strongly enough about thatimpression to invest in you. If shes bumped into you a few times and each timeconfirms and builds on her impression of you, she will be much more likely to invest.Building up trust also plays a role here if she learns that shes not going to go wrong

by following your lead, she will be much more open to doing so in the future.

(By the way, this is another great example of how Game 2.0 stuff like Social CircleMastery builds directly from the principles of cold approach in Magic Bullets. For
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example, theres a direct analogy to how people use time to solidify social impressions

from Savoy and Soul's interview on Female Psychology when they explain why, if awoman decides whether she wants to sleep with you in the first few minutes, it can takehours or even a couple of dates before she is willing.)

3. Shared experiences: The more experiences youve had with someone, the moreconnected you feel to that person. This is true even if some of these experiences arenegative. You will be more open to following that persons lead, unless youve learnedfrom experience or observation that this is a bad idea.

(The value of shared experiences is also important in showing how an average guy can easilykeep a 10 as a girlfriend without her wanting to be unfaithful - because of the power ofshared experiences. This is one of the cool things in the Love Systems Relationship Management

DVD set.)

So... how do these three things help me know when to pull the trigger?

Think back to when you first met one of your closest guy friends. You were probably both alittle formal and holding your cards pretty close to your chest. You didnt know each other wellor where the boundaries were. Over time, as you got to know each other, you learned whereeach others boundaries were and you opened up to each other. If you enjoy the time you spenttogether and he makes you feel good emotions, then you will see him as high value to you. Andyou will be willing to invest in each other. He can tease you and you can tease him. You aremore likely to comply with each others requests.

What about a guy friend you met 2 days ago? Likely, that dynamic wont have been establishedyet. All things being equal, you would be less likely to invest in each other.

Now, re-read the last two paragraphs and replace guy with girl. As you spend time with herin your social circle, you should open up to each other, learn each others boundaries, andbecome more willing to invest in each other. THIS is the time to escalate. Again:

Time + Shared Experience + Value = Investment

Example

Have you ever been the new guy at a house party and you were flirting with a woman and it wasgoing pretty well, and then a guy from her social circle yells from across the room for her to

come over and join them... and she does, regardless of how good things were going with you andher?

How did he pull her away from you? Is it because he's "so alpha?" No. Is it because he's amaster of Love Systems? No. Could that same guy go to any club in America and yell at arandom hot stranger and she would break her conversation and walk to him? Probably not.
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He can pull off this magical feat only in his social circle because he has more time, shared

experiences, and value with that woman than you do and as a result... he has more investmentfrom her than you do. He can get her to do more with less effort.

Or, have you ever noticed that you can make rougher and more risque jokes with women in yoursocial circle? Could you have said those things to those women when you first met? Of coursenot, but now they laugh. Chalk this up to time + shared experience + value = increase ininvestment.

So, when do you really turn up the attraction game??? Well, it should be obvious by now, butthe answer is... as investment increases, your attraction game can increase. Before then, you areessentially running cold approach game, hoping it hits.

This does not mean stay in friend mode until investment is high and this does not mean you

should not run attraction game until investment is high. It just means increase the frequency andintensity of your attraction game as investment increases.

What if investment decreases for some reason? Let's say she starts dating someone or forwhatever reason you can sense that you have lost some investment since the last time you hungout... Well, then the frequency and intensity of your attraction game should decrease. Thiscould go back and forth tons of times before it finally hits.

Good luck. And post your results on The Attraction Forumsfor feedback!

Braddock is a Love Systems lead instructor.

Read his bio here.

Check out his all-new blog here.

http://www.lovesystems.com/newsletters/12-08-hit-on-your-friends
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Love Systems Insider: When Is It Okay to Hit on Your Friends?