MCAS Long Composition

Grade 4 Writing Samples

2013 Writing Prompt

Score Description6 •Rich topic/idea development

•Careful and/or subtle organization•Effective/rich use of language

5 •Full topic/idea development•Logical organization•Strong details•Appropriate use of language

4 •Moderate topic/idea development and organization•Adequate, relevant details•Some variety in language

3 •Rudimentary topic/idea development and/or organization•Basic supporting details•Simplistic language

2 •Limited or weak topic/idea development, organization, and/or details•Limited awareness of audience and/or task

1 •Little topic/idea development, organization, and/or details•Little or no awareness of audience and/or task

Scoring Guide for Topic/Idea Development

2013 MCASGrade 4 English Language Arts CompositionTopic/Idea Development - Score Point 1The writer mentions "diging" and finding a "gold trunck" containing a "toy truck." It is clear that the writer has addressed the prompt, but there is no significant development of the topic. The task seems to be understood, but minimally. There is no sense of audience awareness in this very limited list of weakly connected statements.

2013 MCASGrade 4 English Language Arts CompositionTopic/Idea Development - Score Point 2This composition is organized in a weak structure, and there is little topic development. The composition provides a very brief overview of the experience of finding "a chest" containing "fossils from an uncharted dinosaur." The writing is coherent and includes a description of the chest that "was very dusty and it was blue with golden decorations on it." However, idea development is weak, offering little more than a straightforward list of details. The conclusion shows some awareness of the task and brings a sense of closure: "So later today I'm going to bring the fossils to a local museum. That is my story of the chest." A monotonous string of many simple sentences adds to the impression that the writer is only vaguely aware of an audience.

Grade 4 English Language Arts CompositionTopic/Idea Development - Score Point 3This composition is rudimentary in topic development, development of supporting details, and organization. Details are clustered in five brief paragraphs structured with point-by-point ideas, including "I found an old wooden trunk" and "I'm so happy to find a trunk in my backyard." The writer uses some descriptive language in the lively account of opening the trunk, including "This time with all my strength I slammed the rock against the padlock and BOOM! The padlock broke in half." Beyond this glimmer of voice, the writing remains simplistic. Though the excitement of discovery of baseball memorabilia is only partially expressed, the composition contains basic idea development and basic supporting details. The conclusion is weak with a brief summary of the writer's feelings about finding the trunk.

2013 MCASGrade 4 English Language Arts CompositionTopic/Idea Development - Score Point 4This composition is moderately developed. Adequate and relevant details build the writer's comical account of the consequences of finding a buried wooden trunk containing "The Book of Magic Spells." In the introduction, the book is described as something that "looked like it hadn't been used in about a centurie." Everything about this mysterious book suggests that it should be examined in secret. This slight sense of anticipation prepares the reader for what follows: "When I opened the book the first two pages flew out" and, upon reading a spell, "everything went silent as if the Earth seemed to be listening to me." The book is, in fact, annoying the writer since it refuses to be thrown away, and to make matters worse, it contains this message: "If you lose the first two pages of this book your DOOMED!" The clear ridiculousness of the situation is revealed on the book's "secret page," which states, "'All you have to do to get rid of me is put me back where I started.'" The composition ends with an appropriate sentiment: "I wonder if the next person who finds this wooden trunk will go through as much trouble as I did." Despite somewhat point-to-point organization, the writing is coherent and language is varied.

2013 MCASGrade 4 English Language Arts CompositionTopic/Idea Development - Score Point 5This composition is fully developed and logically organized. Strong, relevant details support the central idea of a magical adventure that begins with the discovery of an empty trunk. The introduction initially presents an uneventful scene of a father and son (the writer) preparing for a fishing trip. The ordinary act of digging for worms leads to quite a surprise when the writer finds an old trunk with "an invisible force" so strong that it sucks the writer "into the trunk," and everything goes "black." The writer enters another world, landing "in a shallow pool of water in a cave." The scene is clear and almost vivid with details, including "The water felt cold on my skin. Across from me laid a trunk exactly like the one I found. Could the two trunks be conected?" The writer meets George, who takes him on a tour of this otherworldly village where "food vendors in tents" sell, among other things, "large bugs on sticks" and "rainbow colored fruit" that tastes "like bubble gum." This level of description does not extend to the conclusion, where the return trip home, again through the portal in the trunk, seems a bit uneventful. However, the father's comment on hearing of the adventure adds an effective point of closure: "'Man, you kids have crazy [i]maginations." Language is always appropriate and sometimes descriptive.

2013 MCASGrade 4 English Language Arts CompositionTopic/Idea Development - Score Point 6The opening paragraph of this richly developed composition provides an appropriate setting for further development: "some little creature has gone right ahead and eaten a few of our tulip bulbs." The first body paragraph introduces the reader to the presence of something underground. The writer effectively uses dialogue to create a sense of anticipation which enhances description, including "'Oh great, now there is a huge rock in the way." Tension continues to build as the excitement of finding a buried chest carries into the next paragraph: "'Mom! Come quick!' I screamed as I ran inside. 'I found something…!'" The difficulty of unearthing the trunk, in addition to its size and appearance, seem to predict that it would contain something of great importance. Rich, descriptive details build and connect many stages of discovery from finding and opening the trunk to uncovering its contents that consist of family heirlooms to be inherited by the writer. The writer effectively uses adjectives to help create vivid, descriptive images. All of these details help to lead to the discovery of what is perhaps the most important item-a sketch book- found "at the very bottom of the chest" and filled with drawings "of my great great great grandmother…except for the very last page." This discovery sets up a stylistic conclusion that focuses meaning: the blank "last page" is reserved-appropriately-for a portrait of the writer, the great-great-great-granddaughter.