Moonster-New Moon 2

7/30/2019 Moonster-New Moon 2

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Chapter 1: Change

I killed the engine as soon as I pulled into the driveway. I was edgy, having alternated between

extreme happiness and extreme rage all the way home as I thought of Bella and the jerk that she

was pining over. And I felt physically strange too, prickly all over, as if there were invisible hot

pins pricking at me from the inside of my skin.

I saw the light still on in the living room and sighed. Billy had waited up for me but I didnt want

to talk to anyone just now. I let myself out of the car quietly and walked slowly into the house.

Hey dad, I muttered, my voice sounding weird to my ears.

You look strange, Billy said critically, eyeing me with that same strange expectant look that he

had been using on me for weeks.

That did it. I was about to snap at him when I suddenly realized that I was no longer in control of

myself. The red hot feral rage that had been flickering just under the surface all day broke freeand washed through my body, causing every inch to flare up in piercing agony. I felt my head

start to spin wildly as the fury took over my brain. I struggled to stay upright as my whole body

shook and trembled from the feverish rage.

Calm down. Calm down, I said over and over in my head, but it couldnt penetrate that thick red

haze. Suddenly, the shaking got worse and my head was thrown back as my back arched and my

spine seemed to splinter from the heat. I felt myself exploding, as if my insides were about to

burst through my disintegrating skin. This was it. I was dying. I had to be.

And then, the boiling heat exploded through my skin and I felt myself falling dying

But before I hit the ground, my body suddenly caught itself and I found myself standing upright

again. The shaking had stopped but I could still feel the fiery wave of heat coursing through my

body. Disoriented and shell-shocked, I caught a glimpse of my surroundings which made me

jump up in surprise, and my head hit the ceiling hard before my feet even left the ground.

What the f*%#? Why am I so tall? What the hell just happened? I looked over at Billy and my

head began to spin again. I felt as if I were looking at him from on top of a platform. I had

somehow grown four feet taller in the past few minutes.

WHAT HAPPENED? WHATS GOING ON? I shouted at him, but it came out in this hideous

yowling sound. What the hell? I cant speak anymore?

I began to panic, which only made the swirling red heat rush through my veins even quicker.

WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?! I demanded as I took a step towards Billy. The room shook as

I moved.


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I heard growling and turned to look around, but there was no one there. Thats when I realized

that the growling was coming from me. I reached out to shake Billy, to demand that he answer

me, but as I reached my hand out, instead of my hand, I saw this gigantic clawed furry paw in its

place.

WHAT THE F*%#?!!

I stared at the two furry paws that had replaced my hands and I started to freak out. I yelled at the

top of my lungs, but all I could hear were terrified yelping sounds coming out of my mouth.

Calm down, Jake. Calm Down. Its okay. Everythings going to be okay, Billy said soothingly

as he backed away from me. But it only made me angrier that he was talking to me like I was

some cranky toddler who had just woken up from a nap.

And thats when I realized that Billy didnt look the least bit surprised or confused. Suddenly,

everything clicked into place in my head. He knew what was going on. He had been expecting

this. Thats why he had been looking at me weirdly for the past few weeks.

EXPLAIN THIS! TELL ME WHATS GOING ON! I started shouting at him but all I could hear

were angry snarls and growls.

Billy grabbed the phone and called someone. Sam, it happened, he said urgently.

That did it. The red hot rage spiked and spiraled through my body as I flipped out.

SAM?! SAM IS IN ON THIS!? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON! TELL ME! TELL ME!

I started to yell but all I heard were yelps and that uncontrollable fury began to spill over intomy brain again. I moved towards him, gesturing wildly, as I felt my anger taking over me. I was

right in his face, my jaws tensing to bite, when my mind suddenly registered the terrified

expression on Billys face.

I jerked myself back in horror. What the hell was I doing? Was I going to attack Billy? What was

wrong with me?!?!

Jacob.

I heard a voice in my head. A voice that wasnt mine.

Jacob. Its Sam. Calm down. Its okay.

I was confused. What the hell was going on? Was I hallucinating? Were these voices real?

Youre not crazy. Well explain everything. Just get out of the house.


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What the hell is going on? Tell me!!! I thought frantically as I tried to keep myself as far away

from Billy as I could in our tiny living room.

Jake, its okay. Its really okay, said a familiar voice.

Embry?

Jake, Im sorry. I dont know how to say this but

Embrys voice in my head died off but bizarrely, I realized that I was in his head and I could see

through his eyes. And I was staring at a gigantic black wolf. It turned to look at me, its eyes

intelligent and expectant, and it nodded once at me. And then suddenly, I knew.

Werewolf.

Embry and Sam didnt respond. But they didnt need to. I felt the tremor of their reactions and I

knew that I was right. I looked over at Billy who had tears in his eyes. I finally understood whyhe had been watching me so warily for months. He had known all along that this was going to

happen. That I was going to turn into a monster one day. The rage that I thought had died down

spiraled out of control again as I processed that thought.

Youre not a monster, Jacob, Sams voice echoed in my head piercing through my thoughts.

The hell if Im not. But I dont understand. Why? What? How? I pleaded with them, desperate

to make sense of what had happened.

Well tell you everything, Jake. I promise. Embry reassured me, But you have to get out of

the house first. Its too dangerous for you to be near Billy.

But I dont understand

Jake, listen to me. You have to get out of the house. Its not safe.

TELL ME WHATS GOING ON!

No, Jake. You have to get out. Now. Please, Embry urged Remember, how you almost took

off Billys head?

How did you how can you I sputtered in confusion.

The same way you can see in my head, he responded softly. Just get out of the house first.

Meet us in the forest. Well explain everything.

I nodded slowly and looked up to see that Billy had already eased by me and opened up the back

door. I barely fit through the doorway and had to turn sideways awkwardly to get out. I was


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careful to keep my hands or claws or paws or whatever the hell they were close to me and

away from Billy.

Walking on two legs felt unsteady and strange. I looked down and almost lost it again at the sight

of two hairy paws in place of my feet.

Calm, Jake. Calm. Sam cautioned.

I forced myself to relax and I was relieved to find that awful uncontrollable rage simmer slightly.

Once I got outside the door, I fell immediately onto four legs. It felt strange at first walking that

way, but after a few steps, it became natural and I took off into the forest at full speed.

Where are you guys? Where am I going? I dont understand my voice cracking from the

strain.

Keep going. Were a few miles straight ahead of you, in the empty logging field, Embry

instructed.

I raced through the forest utterly disoriented and confused. Even on four legs, I was taller than I

normally was or whatever the hell I was before this happened and so my new line of vision

seemed strange and off-kilter. I was surprised at how easily I was able to run through the forest

without crashing into trees, but the minute I started to think, I started to lose my agility and had a

few close calls.

Go with your instincts, Jacob. Dont think about it. Sams voice echoed inside my head.

I stopped thinking about it and suddenly, the same fluidity and grace that I had before returned. I

saw the clearing up ahead and raced to the middle before skidding to a stop.

Chapter 2: Horror

It was a horrifying sight. There were two gigantic wolves sitting in the middle of the clearing.

One was clearly the black beast that had been terrifying backpackers for the past year. It was

easily well over 11 feet tall standing on its hind legs and it was built like a horse, with claws the

size of a human head. The other was smaller and thinner, with light gray fur and black spots on

its back. The light gray wolf looked directly at me and I recognized the expression in its black

eyes.

Embry.

The wolf nodded. I looked at them both and suddenly, I felt my eyes tearing up.

So this is what I am. A monster.

But instead of the tears that I expected to come, I felt a strange itching in my eye. Wolves cant

cry I realized. And the realization only just made me want to cry more.


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Sam turned away from me suddenly and let out a loud howl. I jumped at the noise, startled to

hear it up close. Two more wolves came dashing out of the forest. Clearly they had been waiting

in the edges for the call. One was huge, almost as large as Sam, with dark brown fur, and the

other was a deep gray.

The La Push Gang, I realized.

Not so much a gang. More of a pack, Jared joked.

He and Paul chuckled as they high-fived each other. The sight of the two gigantic wolves leaping

up to slap each others' paws was a terrifyingly awesome sight, and I started to back away before I

remembered that I was one of them now.

Holy sh*t. Can we all hear each others thoughts? I asked, suddenly processing the addition

of the two new voices in my head.

Hear. See. Nothing is private when were in wolf form. Calm your mind and youll find outsoon enough, Sam responded gruffly.

I looked at him confused, but I tried to quiet my thoughts to figure out what he meant. And that's

when I heard the faint humming in the background that I hadn't noticed at first. As I strained to

listen in on the humming, I slowly began to distinguish actual voices. Or really, not voices, but

the blurred internal thoughts of all the others that were in the clearing with me.

"Reddish-brown fur, huh? That's good, we've got too many gray ones already ...."

"Damnit, I can't believe he's a bigger wolf than I am. He's almost as big as Sam ..."

"Don't know why the kid is freaking out. This is best thing that's happened to me ..."

"I'm sorry, man. I wanted to tell you but I couldn't ..."

My head snapped up at that last sentence. I looked at Embry and we stared at each other for a

long time as I read the apology in his face.

I turned to Sam who was looking at me expectantly, "I don't understand. How? Why?"

"It'll be easier if I just show you,"he responded.

I got up onto my hind legs, expecting him to lead me somewhere when suddenly, I felt as if I had

fallen headlong into a movie theater with scenes flashing before me. Except it was a 3-D theater

and I was somehow standing in the middle of each scene, an invisible observer, just watching as

the stories unfolded around me. I realized that I was in Sam's head, the way I was in Embry's

head before, and Sam was showing me memories. Flashbacks of the past.


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I saw his own transformation two summers ago, triggered by a fight with Leah. He runs out of

the Clearwater's house, feeling like hes about to die. Hes able to get into the woods and out of

sight when the transformation happens. I see and hear the sheer panic and terror in his thoughts.

He has no idea what has happened to him and thinks that he had lost his mind.

The forest blurs past as I watch him run frantically through the woods, desperately searching foranswers or clues or anything to help explain what had happened to him. Then I see him looking

into a river and seeing his reflection for the first time the realization dawning in his eyes.

I saw Sam as a man again, shaking hands with Old Quil, who nearly jumps out of his seat when

he touches Sam's burning hot skin. The scene shifts again and I see Sam with Billy, Old Quil,

and Harry, who are urgently explaining to him what has happened. I couldnt help but stare at

my father, who was doing much of the explaining, horrified that he's known all along what

would one day happen to me. The low tones of their conversation wash over me and I am only

able to register parts of it, "...the legends are true ... happened to our grandfathers ... werewolves

... vampires..."

I jerked myself suddenly out of Sam's head in sheer horror.

"Vampires?! That can't be real ...

"All the legends are real, Jacob."

I was back in Sam's head again as he showed me scenes from the past few months, the murdered

hikers in the woods. My stomach retched at the sight of their blank eyes and drained corpses, not

an ounce of blood remaining in them. He changed the memory quickly before I could puke. And

then I saw the others transforming for the first time. It's a blur as I watched Sams memories of

each of their first transformations as they freak out before Sam explains to them the same wayhes explaining to me now.

"Does this happen to everyone?"I demanded.

"No. Only the descendants of the original wolves ..."

"Oh God. Billy ..."

"No. It hasn't happened since the days of Ephraim. Old Quil saw his grandfather transform.

That's how he knew what had happened to me."

"But then, why? If it hasn't happened for a hundred years, why now? Why us?"

They all looked at me as if I were an idiot. And then, I realized that I already knew the answer to

my own question.


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"The Cullens," I snarled. My head erupted with the red hot rage. "It's because of them! They're

the ones that did this. That's why Billy has always hated them. He knew this would happen when

they moved back. Damnit. Why can't we ...."

Suddenly, I felt hands - or paws - holding me in place. I look up surprised to see Paul and Embry

restraining me. I hadn't realized that I had jumped up and was crouching to attack.

"Jacob. The most important thing you need to know about being a werewolf is that our hallmark

- our curse - is the inability to control our rage. You have to be aware of that at all times. Or else

..."

Sam's voice faded off deliberately, but I didn't notice as I suddenly remembered something else.

"Oh my god. Bella! The Cullens! She ..."

"She knows."

"What?"I jerked my head up in confusion. I glared as they all shifted uncomfortably, avoiding

my eyes at all costs, except for Embry and Sam.

"She knows what they are,"Sam repeated.

"That's not possible ..."My voice trailed off as I suddenly remembered that day at the beach. Oh

sh*t. I was the one to tell her. Except I stupidly didn't know I was doing it.

"Well that explains it then,"Sam mused. "We always wondered how she found out."

"Does this mean he broke the treaty?"Jared demanded anxiously.

I looked up at him horrified. The treaty. It wasnt just a story. It was a real treaty. And I had

broken it, even if I hadn't known what I was doing at the time.

"I don't think so. Or at least they didn't seem to think so,"Sam responded gravely.

"But ... but ... she didn't believe me. She thought they were scary stories. She can't have known

..."I protested even though in my heart I knew that I was protesting in vain.

"She did know. She told Billy as much when he confronted her last spring."

My head spun as Sam flashed back to the memory of a phone call with Billy last spring. But I

didnt have to watch, because I was there, fuming in my room, when I accidentally overheard the

entire conversation. It hadn't made sense to me at the time. But now, re-watching the scene was

painful every moment a mockery of my naivet and ignorance.

" ... I don't know how the hell she dated a Vampire though. Can you imagine her kissing one of

those bloodsuckers?"


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I stared at Paul, horrified at this new train of thought that I hadnt considered. Images of Bella in

the arms of a monster started to flash through my head. My Bella. My best friend. The girl I was

in love with. With him. A bloodsucking vampire. And then I remembered that she was still

grieving over him, unable no unwilling to let go.

"...him kissing her, touching her ..."

I launched myself at Paul before I realized what I was doing. Sam and Embry grabbed me by the

neck and held me in place as I struggled to keep the burning rage in check. My breathing was

ragged as my stomach churned at the thought.

"Behave Paul,"Sam commanded, in a deep resonant timbre that sounded nothing like his voice.

Paul obeyed grumpily, cutting off the rest of his thoughts abruptly. I shut my eyes and forced

those images out of my head. I couldnt bear to think about them right now. I knew if I did, I

would completely lose it. I opened my eyes wearily and looked around.

"So what now? What does this mean?"

"We're the tribe's protectors. It's our job to keep the tribe safe from vampires."

"But if the Cullens are gone ..."

"There are others. They're not like the Cullens. They've been hunting,"Sam explained grimly.

I remembered suddenly the flashbacks that Sam showed me of the murdered hikers. The others

started to fill me in and I was suddenly overwhelmed with images ... the wolves running through

the woods ... coming across a series of murdered hikers ... fleeting glimpses of a tall black-hairedvampire with dreads and a female vampire with bright orange curly locks ... the wolves with

their noses close the ground sniffing at a burning sickly sweet smell ... the wolves running in the

shadows to avoid being seen by hikers ... chasing a trail through the woods but getting nowhere

...

"But can we destroy them? I mean, do we know how?"I asked.

"We haven't actually caught up with them yet so we don't know for sure,"Sam admitted. "All we

really know is what the legends tell us."

"So ..."I paused, grimacing as I realized that the grotesque descriptions from the scary storiesthat haunted me as a child would have to become reality.

"Rip and burn, baby. Rip and burn,"Paul laughed with a barking yelp.

"It's not that easy,"Jared scoffed. He turned to explain, "Old Quil said that their venom is

poisonous. That was one of the few things that his grandfather told him. So we have to be careful

when we attack."


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"Right"I agreed, stupidly, sounding as if I knew what I was talking about. "So how do we find

them?"I was raring to go. More than anything, I wanted to have an outlet for the million and one

emotions boiling over inside of me.

"We've been trying, but there's a lot of territory to cover. Now that the Cullens are gone, we've

been trying to cover beyond the treaty land - towards Forks,"Sam explained. "We basically splitup running patrols, in search of their scent so that we can track them down. Hopefully before

they kill again."

"But they're damned fast ..."Paul grumbled.

Embry jumped in, "We never seem to be able to catch them in the act. We always arrive a few

minutes too late."

I winced at his euphemism. The thought of seeing a vampire in the act of draining human blood

was making me light-headed with anger. When the faceless victim I was picturing in my head

turned into Bella, then my head really began to feel like it would explode.

Gritting my teeth to keep myself in check, I asked, "So how long are we ... you know, like this ..."

Suddenly, an even more terrible thought popped into my head. "This isn't permanent is it?

"No!"Sam reassured me. "The legends say that it'll take about 10 to 15 years before we regain

enough control to stop shifting."

"Ten to fifteen years!"

My heads flooded with images - of high school graduation, college, a job, a family - things that I

had taken for granted would be in my future. I had never thought much about them before, butnow, the painful realization that they weren't for me made me realize how much I had taken them

for granted.

"You have to still go to school in the meantime ..."

"... we have to keep up appearances, keep the secret..."Embry interrupted

" ... but forget about studying or your grades for now. The most important thing is not to kill

anyone,"Jared finished Embrys thought.

I looked at him in alarm. What do you mean kill someone?

"It's really dangerous for you to be around normal human beings right now, you could lose

control at any time and hurt those around you,"Sam explained. Then with a nod to the others, he

continued, "You have to hang out with your brothers.You need to stay close to each other,

because they are the only ones strong enough to restrain if you lose control."


10/79

The hair on the back of my neck stood on end as I processed what he said. I imagined myself

losing control in class, pouncing on my classmates or in my garage with Bella

"You can't see her."

"What?!"I cried out, looking around at the others, who had just watched and listened to my trainof thoughts with me.

"Haven't you heard anything we've been saying?"Sam demanded

"But it's Bella. I won't hurt her ... she won't make me angry ..."I protested.

Paul cackled. "Kiddo, you clearly have never been in love before. Women drive you crazy, man!"

"But I would never hurt her! I can do this!"I insisted, my heart pounding loudly as I

contemplated a life without her.

"Enough!"

Sam closed his eyes and turned away from me. The silence among the group was deafening and I

saw them all looking away uncomfortably. Then Sam turned back to me and I jumped back in

shock at the haunted look on his face.

"I'm not trying to be unreasonable, Jacob. But you really are a danger to her. Believe me, you

don't want to want to make that mistake.

Abruptly, I was in the middle of another one of Sam's memories. He and Emily were in her

backyard there was snow on the ground so it must have been this past winter - and they werefighting. I couldnt quite make out what they were arguing about, but I could see Sam getting

more and more agitated. He grabbed Emily's shoulders with both arms and shook her, begging

her to listen to him. Emily said something cutting in response - which surprised me given how

sweet she normally was - and then suddenly, I knew what I was about to see.

I recognized the uncontrollable expression on Sam's face and I shut my eyes quickly, but it was

useless. I forgot that I was seeing this in my mind - through Sam's memories - and so I couldnt

shut it off. I saw him transform involuntarily, with his arms still around her. His left hand - now a

gigantic clawed paw - tore down the right side of her face as it jerked up uncontrollably during

the transformation. Emily screamed, crumpling to the ground, unconscious from the pain. There

was blood everywhere, pouring from the three jagged tears running down the entire right side ofher body.

Sam was crazed with horror and self-hatred, but he didnt dare go near her. He couldnt calm

himself down enough to phase back, so he unleashed a plaintive - almost unhinged sounding -

howl. Seconds later, Jared and Paul - as wolves - burst into the yard. They processed the scene

and Jared immediately phased to carry the unconscious Emily into the house while Paul dashed

back into the forest.


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Moments later, the Clearwater's car swung into the driveway with Paul at the wheel and Sue in

the front seat, carrying her nurse's bag. They entered the house as Sam frantically paced outside -

just in the shadows of the trees - afraid of being seen yet desperately wanting to see.

Because it was his memory that I was seeing, I could feel every ounce of the anguish, pain, and

blistering self-hatred that trapped him in his wolf form. I watched, sick to my bones, as theambulance arrived, paramedics shouting at each other about the "bear" attack, and Emily being

carted off on a stretcher.

I watched as Sam - still unable to phase - slinks into the woods and curls up under a tree.

Morning comes, but he is still unable to phase back as he torments himself by replaying what

happened over and over again in his head. Finally, it is nightfall again and Jared has come to find

him. He tells Sam that Emily will recover, and finally, Sam is able to relax. He forces himself to

calm down, clamping down on the red virulent rage of self-hatred, forcing it to ebb away

temporarily, and then suddenly, he is human again. The memory stopped abruptly but I didn't

look up.

"You can't see her. I can't let you risk that,"Sam choked out.

I nodded my head. I didnt argue with him because I knew that he was right. And I was right. I

am a monster.

I heard the others' chiming in on what I just thought - ranging from protesting (Jared) to mocking

(Paul) to soothing (Embry) to resignation (Sam). Suddenly, I was desperate to get away from the

hum of voices in my head, to get away from having my every thought open to the whole world.

That was when I remembered what I had seen in the memory - what Sam had done in order to

phase back. I grimaced as I forced myself to breathe slower and to force the red haze to wane. Itwasnt as hard as I had expected, mostly because I had already spent most of my anger and I was

too shell-shocked to react any more. Suddenly, as I felt the red haze slowly fade away, I

shimmered back into my human form.

The change back was disorienting. I was completely naked and every part of my body hurt like

hell from the transformation. The hot prickling that I felt before was nothing compared to the

searing heat that burned my skin now. I heard a faint shimmering sound around me as the rest of

them phased back too.

"How did you do that Jake?" Embry sputtered in shock, as he and the others pulled on the clothes

that they had brought with them, tied to that black string on their ankles. I laughed then. A bitterand mirthless laugh. So much for that black anklet being some stupid gang symbol.

Sam's low urgent tones interrupted my thoughts. "Jake, how did you do that?"

I looked back at them confused. "I saw what Sam did in the memory. I just calmed down and it

happened."


12/79

They looked at each other and then back at me with shock and confusion written over all their

faces.

"Was that wrong?" I asked, suddenly worried that I had broken some unspoken werewolf code.

"No, no! It just took me days to figure out how to do that," Embry shared.

"It took me a week," Jared added. He jerked his thumb over his shoulder. "It took Paul weeks."

"Oh." I didn't know how to respond.

"It's a good thing, Jake," Embry pressed on, half admiringly and half soothingly. "You're a

natural at this."

The irony. I had always wanted to be extraordinary at something in my life. And to find out that

my latent talent was being good at being a werewolf was suddenly too much for me to bear. With

my eyes stinging, I turned away and started stumbling into the darkness of the trees.

I heard someone - probably Embry - make a move to follow me, but Sam held him back and told

him to let me go. I used my hands to feel my way through the forest, my human eyes unable to

see as well in the dark as my wolf eyes could.

I wandered for what felt like hours in the forest - not caring where I was going - just lost in my

head as I replayed the evenings events over and over. I didnt seem possible that just a few

hours ago, I had been happier than I could ever have imagined possible with Bella. And now,

this.

I finally reached the ocean. I was on the beach, right by the white driftwood log where I hadchatted with Bella that fateful day. Thats when I curled up in the darkness and started to cry.

Chapter 3: Break-Up

When I returned home Sunday morning, I saw that Billy had left a pair of sweatpants and a t-

shirt hanging on the back door. I gratefully grabbed them and pulled them on. I could see the

light on in the living room, so I breathed deeply and turned the knob.

Billy was sitting at the kitchen table reading a book, but he looked up as soon as he heard the

door open. We looked at each other for a long time without saying anything.

Hey dad, I whispered, my voice rough and hoarse from two days of not saying a word.

Im glad youre home, he replied. And with that, I crossed the few feet between us and threw

myself into his arms. It had been years since he had hugged me like this comforting me and

soothing me as a child but I desperately needed it now.

Im sorry, son. Im sorry, he repeated over and over as he held me tightly.


13/79

I felt my eyes sting, but there were no tears left. I was all cried out. That first night, at the

driftwood log, I had cried like I had never cried before. I was a monster. And my life along

with everything that had ever meant anything to me was no longer mine.

When dawn broke over the forest, I realized that it wouldnt be good to be caught hanging out

naked at the beach, so I retreated into the forest pacing the deserted cliffs all day reliving everymoment of the past night trying to search for some way to make sense of it all - before I finally

fell into an exhausted sleep in a warm sunny meadow. When I woke up, it was the middle of the

night again and I made my way back to the beach to wait for dawn to break so that I could return

home.

You must be hungry.

Billy let go of me as he rolled himself over to the fridge to get some food. I got up to help him,

but he waved me off. I sat back down at the kitchen table in silence as he popped a gigantic

salad-sized bowl into the microwave.

I glanced curiously around the living room. The last time I saw it, it had been completely

demolished. The table and couch that had gotten in the way of my transformation had been flung

against the far wall, breaking the lamp and scattering books and papers all over the floor. But the

room had been cleaned up, everything put back in its place.

Embry and Sam came by to fix it up, Billy said as he saw me eying the new lamp on the end

table.

Oh Im sorry, I whispered, feeling guilty even though he knew that it wasnt my fault.

Its nothing, he dismissed as he grabbed the warm fragrant bowl from the microwave andplaced it in front of me with a fork.

I inhaled the delicious scent of Sues homemade ziti and realized that I was starving. I hadnt

eaten all day yesterday, and yet it never registered through the shock and confusion. We sat

quietly as I attacked the food, scarfing it all down in minutes. When I finished, I was shocked at

how much I ate. But I guess being a werewolf will do that to you.

They told me that you were able to phase back that night, Billy said. Something the others

werent able to do.

Yeah, I I choked up. What was I going to say? Apparently, Im a very talented werewolf?Im sorry I didnt come back right away. I just needed

I know, Billy interrupted. You had a good reason.

I looked up at him and we smiled at each other sadly. Billy grabbed the bowl and began to clean

up.


14/79

I guess Ill take a shower. I must stink, I half-joked, half-grimaced.

Billy didnt dispute me, so I got up and walked towards the bathroom. The phone rang and I

reached over to pick it up before I realized what I was doing.

"Hello?" My voice cracked as I tried to put on some semblance of normalcy.

"Oh, Jake."

It was Bella. For a moment, I forgot everything that had happened the past two days and just

relived the glorious two hours on Friday evening before the sh*t hit the fan.

She groaned sympathetically. "You sound horrible."

"I feel horrible," I whispered softly, trying to hide the hoarseness of my voice. My whole body

ached from the transformation - from the tips of my toes to the deepest recesses of my brain. And

the worst part was the constant burning and prickling underneath the skin, a constant reminder ofthe uncontrollable rage that now defined my life.

"I'm so sorry I made you go out with me. This sucks."

"I'm glad I went," I said softly but urgently. "Don't blame yourself. This isn't your fault."

Its that bloodsucker boyfriend of yours, I suddenly wanted to shout. Damn him and whatever

soul he has left to hell. I still couldnt wrap my head around the fact that she knew. That she had

known all along and yet she still wanted to be with him.

"You'll get better soon," she promised. "I woke up this morning, and I was fine."

"You were sick?" I asked dully.

"Yes, I got it, too. But I'm fine now."

"That's good, I whispered back, fighting the urge to either break down crying or start yelling at

her.

"So you'll probably be better in a few hours.

"I don't think I have the same thing you did, I replied sarcastically.

"Don't you have the stomach flu?" she asked, confused at my tone.

I wish. "No. This is something else."

"What's wrong with you?


15/79

I wish I could tell you. The words almost burst out of my mouth. Holding my thoughts and

feelings back from Bella just seemed wrong, and yet somehow I managed to bite my tongue.

"Every part of me hurts."

"What can I do, Jake? What can I bring you?"

Suddenly, reality hit me like a mack truck. I was a werewolf. And I was dangerous. I couldnt let

her come.

"Nothing. You can't come here, I replied swiftly and decisively despite the crack in my voice.

"I've already been exposed to whatever you have," she insisted. I could see her so clearly in my

mind, on the phone in Charlies kitchen, twisting the phone cord and knitting her forehead with

concern.

"I'll call you when I can. I'll let you know when you can come down again, I replied quickly

before she could get a chance to continue.

"Jacob"

What I wanted to say was, Im sorry Bells. Im so sorry that Im going to have to break my

promise to you, just like that other monster. But its not my fault. But instead, all I said was,

Ive got to go.

"Call me when you feel better, she persisted.

"Right," I said, bitterly, thinking of the months of exile ahead of me. Sam thought it might take

up to 6 months before I finally could see her again. Would she even take my call then I wonderedsadly. I waited for her to say goodbye, dreading the moment that she did because I didnt know

when - or if I would hear her voice again.

"I'll see you soon," she finally said, raising her voice slightly as if to make it into a question.

"Wait for me to call," I reminded her, my voice breaking up from the strain.

"Okay Bye, Jacob."

"Bella." I whispered her name as I hung up.

Billy looked at me with sympathy written all over his face. I held back the tears until I got into

the shower, and then they poured out of me, draining me completely.

Chapter 4: Hunt


16/79

Embry woke me up a few hours later. I had crawled into bed after the shower, drained and

exhausted, and fell into a fitful sleep full of crazy fantastical dreams. He knocked gently on the

door before letting himself in. I sat up groggily and swung my legs over to make room for him.

You okay? he asked quietly.

Never better, I replied sarcastically. But I regretted it immediately when I saw his face. We

were in this together. He was as much a victim of this horrible cruel practical joke as I was. Im

sorry, I didnt mean to ..

Its okay, he mumbled without looking at me. I understand.

So what now? I asked, even though I didn't actually want to know the answer.

Well, when you feel ready, youll join us on our patrols.

What does that mean?

We take shifts, Embry explained. The leeches have been killing very close to the reservation,

so we need to make sure that theres a wolf awake and alert and patrolling the boundary at all

time.

Leech, I chuckled in spite of myself. Not a bad word for the disgusting parasite that they were.

Because the rest of us are still in school, Sam usually takes the night shift and the daytime shift.

And then we split the rest of the time up. He frowned, Well Paul and Jared do. Sam has been

having me run with him at nights so that I can learn, but pretty soon I can take my own shifts.

I frowned too. It hadnt even occurred to me that I would have a lot of catch-up to do in terms of

learning how to be a good werewolf.

Is there a lot to learn? I asked.

Yes and no. A lot of it is just instinct. The number one rule is just to control the rage," Embry

explained anxiously. But youll be fine at least with the first part we were all amazed that

you were able to shift back. No one has that type of control yet, except maybe Sam.

It hurt me to hear that again. As if I needed to be reminded of how natural I was at being a

monster.

Its not all bad, Jake, really it isnt, he stumbled on seeing my pained expression. Youll love

the speed - we're so fast and we can run for ages. And then there are the heightened senses

I looked at him in confusion. Heightened senses? Not that having superhero powers would make

this okay, but ...


17/79

Just try it. Listen.

I did as he said, straining to hear something in the distance. But nothing. So much for being a

natural. Apparently, I was a defective werewolf.

No, no. You cant try that hard. The key is to let your animal instinct and your gut take over.Relax as much of your human side as possible

I followed his instructions, letting the thoughts in my brain quiet to nothingness. And then,

suddenly, it flooded through me my skin tingled as I felt the breeze drifting in through the

window, the dampness of the spring day tantalizing my sense of smell. I could hear the cars

whizzing by the highway and the sound of children laughing down at the beach almost a mile

away. My eyes widened as I realized that everything was in sharper focus. I could see minute

cracks on the walls and tiny cobwebs in the ceiling corners, as if they were magnified and

illuminated in front of me.

See? Not so bad, right? Embry asked encouragingly.

I was about to reply when we both tensed at the sound of someone turning onto my street. It was

Quil, his lumbering walk particularly distinctive. He was still a mile down the road, but we both

jumped up in alarm.

We cant see him. We cant tell him, Embry insisted he grabbed my arm and began to

shepherd me out of my room.

But hes our friend, cant we I protested feebly even though I knew the stupidity of what I

was saying.

No, he insisted. Its too dangerous. Especially since the two of you get pissed at each other all

the time.

Billy looked up quickly and nodded as we took off through the back door. We ran into the woods

behind the house. I heard Embry slow down to start pulling off his clothes. He threw a piece of

black leather at me and I understood immediately. I used the string to tie my clothes to my left

leg. And then I tensed as I prepared to morph for the first time voluntarily.

Embry was right. It was mostly instinct. I slowly loosened the hold on the rage within me and

suddenly, I was leaping through the air - the heat trembling down my spine and when I landed,

I was on all fours, fully phased. I threw my arms or paws out - stretching my back, feelingstrangely restful after the past two days of torment, anguish, and pain. I realized that as a wolf,

my human emotions were faded and weak, giving myself an outlet from all of the pain.

Look who decided to join the pack Paul cackled.

Damnit. I had forgotten about that mind connection. Suddenly, I wasnt sure if the outlet from

human emotions was worth having him in my head all the time.


18/79

Paul. Behave. Sams deep baritone sounded deeper if it were possible. Welcome to the pack,

Jake. You have a lot to learn.

The next two weeks passed in a blur. I trailed Sam on all his patrols as he taught me everything I

needed to know. I learned to isolate voices in my head from the rest of the noise, to distinguish

between the intentional thoughts that the others wanted to share with me and their internalmonologue that I tried to avoid at all costs. You never want to listen to what others are really

thinking. Trust me on this.

I also learned that the sickly sweet smell that I had first smelled at Bellas prom almost a year

ago was actually the scent of vampires. It was now burned in my head as we spent innumerable

hours searching for it and following faint trails that seemed to lead nowhere. I cut my hair too,

another thing that marked me as one of the pack. Long hair just made our fur too shaggy.

At school, I sat in a daze through my classes, focusing exclusively on moderating my internal

composure so that nothing would set me off. My teachers called Billy in concern at my zombie-

like state, but he put them off citing teenage rebellion. Not even the hurt looks that Quil gave meconstantly could penetrate the intense focus I used to stay calm during class. It didnt seem that

difficult, but the others constantly beat into my head how important it was, that it made me wary

that I wasnt finding it more difficult.

As for Quil, Embry and I avoided him at all costs and I was grateful for our super-heightened

senses that allowed us to detect his presence long before he could see us. It made it easier not

having to see him. In fact, it made it easier not to see anyone but the other wolves. It was easier

to forget that we werent normal when we stopped hanging out with normal people. And it was

easier to stay in wolf form as much as possible. Despite the irritating voices and complete lack of

privacy, it was worth the dulling of the pain that was present every time I shifted back to my

human self.

And mostly, I tried not think about Bella. But I couldnt help it. I knew that she called constantly.

Billy ran out of excuses so he just stopped answering the phone. She even came by the following

Saturday. I heard the orange Chevy drive up our street and I was paralyzed for a moment, before

Embry forced me out of the house and into the woods. We watched her get out of the truck and

peer into the empty windows before driving off again. I shifted into a wolf instantly. It didnt

hurt as much that way.

By the second week, I felt infinitely better. I hadnt phased uncontrollably again since that first

night something that none of the others had managed to do - and I felt the tension leave my

shoulders. Maybe this wasnt as hard as the others said it was. I mean, I still lost my temper all

the time, but I always managed to catch myself in time. Unlike, Paul who had been doing this for

a year and still seemed to have no control.

Sam decided that we should expand our patrols further beyond the reservation. Now that the

Cullens were gone, we didnt have to worry about staying within the treaty boundaries and our

first priority was to nail the bloodsuckers that had been killing hikers in the area.


19/79

The five of us headed east on Sunday, towards Forks. It was a beautiful spring-ish day, the first

weekend in March. I tried hard not to remember what had happened the first weekend in March

last year. Partially because it was too painful and partially because I didnt need to give Paul and

Jared more ammunition to make fun of me.

Even though we were covering new ground, we ran our patrol almost lazily. After two weeks offollowing faded scents and dead leads, we were exhausted and the cheeriness of the spring day

affected us all.

Embry and I raced each other, picking points in the distance and zooming towards them, thrilling

at our new-found speed and stamina. It felt like I could run for miles. Jared and Paul were

bantering about some chicks they had scoped out on the beach last night. Even Sam seemed to

relax a little in the warm sunshine, which meant a lot. Sam was always serious when it came to

our responsibilities. But then again, he was the Alpha Wolf, the leader of our little pack. It was

his responsibility to watch over us and I respected him because he took his job so seriously.

As Embry and I raced ahead to leap over a stream, the smell hit us in the face. That sickly sweetscent that I had come to know all too well. Except this was a fresh scent. I could tell by the way

my throat constricted and my eyes saw red.

Stay behind me, Sam commanded. We dont know what to expect, weve never actually

fought a vampire before. We have to work together.

We took off running due east following the trail. My anticipation built as I could feel the

adrenaline coursing through my veins, joining the red hot anger that always simmered in my

blood these days. After weeks of chasing stale trails that led us nowhere, this was it. I finally had

a chance to do what I had been dying to do for weeks. Take my revenge on one of those

disgusting parasites.

Jared, Sam demanded as the scent got stronger. Jared had eyesight like binoculars, he could

see for miles.

I see them, he responded, squinting off into the distance without breaking his stride. I see two

figures in a meadow, straight ahead. I stared ahead, seeing nothing but trees, but we all kicked

into full gear. I see the black-haired vampire, but the girl it doesnt look like her her hair

isnt red, its brown

A human? Maybe a backpacker? Paul interjected.

You dont see the female vampire anywhere? Sam demanded urgently.

Jared scanned back and forth. No nothing. The scent trail is too light for two anyways.

The pack had been too late time and time again, and we werent going to let it happen this time.

It was now that I fully appreciated our ability to read each others thoughts. It made planning our

attack that much easier and more effective. As we covered the remaining distance in a few


20/79

seconds, I could see the two figures standing in the meadow ahead two dots among the endless

green.

The other one is definitely human, but I cant really see her. Her back is to me Jared

continued.

I squinted my eyes and strained hard, determined not to let someone die if I could prevent it. I

saw long wavy chocolate brown hair and a familiar-looking coat. Suddenly, the girl turned her

head. She was glancing behind her in a vain attempt to back away.

Bella.

The roar in my head drowned out all of my thoughts. I overtook Sam as I kicked into another

gear that I never knew I had.

STOP! Stay behind me!

I heard Sams command in that deep timbre of the Alpha Wolf that I knew that I could not

disobey, but I tried anyways, fruitlessly, as my muscles refused to obey my mind. They locked

mid-stride and I almost crashed headfirst into a tree in surprise. It wasnt until Sam raced past me

that my muscles unlocked again. I caught up to him in seconds.

ITS BELLA! I growled frantically. We were still yards away. If we were too late

SILENCE! We dont want to tip him off, Sam hissed.Were on Cullen land. We may be

breaking the treaty

F*ck the treaty! They arent even here anymore!! I shouted in my head, careful not to make asound.

That may be one of their friends theyre talking, he hasnt attacked her yet. Sam replied

equally ferociously. I have to do whats best for the tribe, Jake.

SO YOURE GOING TO WAIT UNTIL HE ATTACKS HER BEFORE WE DO ANYTHING!

Shut up for a second, Sam commanded, Embry, what do you hear? The other three had

caught up with us in our sprint. Embry, like Jared, had heightened senses except in his case, he

had supersonic hearing.

Something about how shes lucky that he found her Embry frowned, straining to hear

above the rumbling of our paws as we covered the remaining distance,

Maybe he is a Cullen friend. Maybe he isnt the one Jared interjected. After all, we havent

actually caught them in the act.


21/79

Were not using Bella to test your theory, I growled holding my anger and fear barely in check

as I willed Sam to run faster. Bella was facing away from me again, so I couldnt see her face.

But I could see that she was tense in the way she held her shoulders. We were closing in on the

clearing now and into earshot. I watched in horror as the vampire stroked her face, sniffing the

breeze.

Mouthwatering, he said in a low seductive voice as he inhaled deeply

WHAT OTHER PROOF I growled, forgetting to stay silent, but Sam cut me off.

Jacobs right! Were taking him down! Follow my lead, and dont do anything until I tell you!

Sam turned his head to look at me as he said this. I nodded, refusing to take my eyes off of Bella.

The sound of my growl must have distracted the leech, because he looked away from her and

scanned the forest for the source of the sound.

We gotta take him down NOW, Paul urged Sam.

Not in front of Bella. Its too dangerous, I insisted. We have to chase him away first.

I heard Embry seconding my thoughts, while Jared backed Paul and insisted that we couldnt

afford to let him get away.

Wait for his reaction, Sam commanded and all the voices fell silent. They dont retreat in

the legends and so we fight here if thats what he does. Sam stopped suddenly, before he

continued. If that happens Jake, you get Bella out of here right away. Well take care of him.

I agreed, but I was torn suddenly between protecting Bella and wanting to rip the bastard toshreds.

Sam stepped out into the meadow first, with a grisly snarl that echoed around the little meadow.

Jared and Paul flanked him, followed by me and Embry at the wings.

I dont believe it, the bloodsucker whispered.

I was only a few feet away from Bella and I couldnt stop myself from turning my head to look

at her when I heard her gasp. For a moment, I forgot what I was doing as I was lost in the wonder

of seeing her again. Even though I saw her face in my head every time I closed my eyes, it was

nothing compared to seeing it in person. But the moment passed when I registered the sheerterror on her face as she stared at me. She thinks Im a monster, I realized. Shes more afraid of

me than the vampire.

Focus, Jake, Sam growled.


22/79

I whipped my head back to focus on the leech, who at this point was staring at us with

unconcealed shock and fear. Then suddenly, he spun and disappeared into the trees quicker than

lightening.

It stunned us for a moment. We werent expecting him to run away. But instinct kicked in and

we peeled after him, flying across the meadow with a few powerful bounds and straight into thewoods.

The damn bloodsucker was fast, but not fast enough. We closed on him within minutes, even

though he was zigzagging in an attempt to shake us off. Sam and I had pulled away from the

others, though I was careful to stay behind Sam.

Now, Sam shouted. And we both jumped at the same time and tackled the leech to the ground.

As Sam rolled over, gripping the leech tightly, I saw the chance and pounced in to rip off his

head - the only weapon they have against us. Even though I knew that they were the undead, I

was still momentarily shocked when no blood bled out. I threw the dismembered head to Jared

who had caught up with us, and then it was a free for all. Despite all of the mock practices wehad, instinct took over as Sam and I ripped the body to shreds with our teeth and claws and threw

the pieces to Jared and Paul.

Sam morphed suddenly back into his human form and started to fumble at the pouch tied to the

leather cord on his leg. He pulled out a butane lighter as the rest of us piled the pieces together. I

had never seen anything scarier than the decapitated pieces trying to inch together to reattach

themselves. Sam flicked on the lighter and threw it into the mess, and suddenly a black plume of

sweet stench filled the air.

We watched silently as the fire burned the pieces into ashes. The others were elated at our

success. I could hear their mental celebrations in my head, but I couldnt join them, not just yet.

Bella, shes wandering through the woods right now. What if the red-haired leech is around?

I pressed Sam anxiously.

Go, but do not let her see you. And stay in wolf form, Sam commanded in his Alpha voice that

I could not disobey.

I took off and followed her fresh human scent from the meadow, tracing her stumbling steps

through the forest. Damnit. I knew that she hadnt mastered the compass and grid method I had

taught her. What the hell was she doing in the woods by herself?

I finally caught up with her, she was stumbling through the muddy ground, in the completely

wrong direction, seemingly paying no attention to where she was going. I had never seen her so

terrified and I wondered if it was a reaction to the leech or to me.

Knowing that I couldnt disobey Sams orders, I stayed hidden in the forest, following her just

out of her sight. She seemed to know someone was following her, as she turned her head often in

my direction looking fearfully out into the dim light of the forest around her. I began to worry


23/79

that she wouldnt be able to make it out of the forest before dark, but she finally started to get her

bearings and was able to use the compass correctly - laying it on the ground every few minutes to

check her direction the way that I had taught her. She finally arrived at the parking lot and I

watched as she stumbled into the orange Chevy and headed back to Forks.

Chapter 5: Truth

I couldnt stop seeing Bellas terrified face in the meadow. It was there every time I closed my

eyes, tormenting me and mocking me in my sleep. I couldnt help wondering how she

rationalized to herself what she saw.

The others were thrilled about the hunt. Billy was proud of me and told me so incessantly, trying

to make me feel better. But it didnt help. And neither did the fact that everyone kept telling me

how good I was at this. How I was able to control my episodes for the lack of a better

word, better than anyone else. It took Sam half a year to get to the point where I already was in

two weeks.

Regardless, now that we finally had a notch under our belts, we were pumped. Which was good,

because the red-haired vampire was back. And so our hunt continued. We half-expected her to

come seek us out, since our legends had always said that vampire mates were strongly attached

to each other and would seek revenge. But she seemed to play by her own rules, dancing around

the edges of the reservation, as if she were looking for a way around us and into Forks.

And that made me worry even more about Bella. She seemed to attract vampires wherever she

went, so I started sleeping in the woods outside her house at nights, just in case. I caught

glimpses of her through the windows, eating dinner with Charlie and doing homework in the

living room. I also watched as she called me and left messages. One evening, I watched as she

picked up the phone every half hour, only to slam it down in frustration after a few minutes. Ithurt to watch. But it was hard to know which hurt more. Witnessing the pain that I had caused

her or worrying about the day that she would stop calling.

Sam tolerated my stalking, as long as I participated fully in patrols and kept up appearances at

school. But one thing he wouldnt tolerate was my wanting to see her, even though I was

growing confident that I could handle it. I also started thinking that Bella might be able to handle

this too whatever it is that I am. She could accept a bloodsucker, why not a werewolf? But

whenever I mentioned it to Sam, his eyes would darken with pain and regret, and I could tell that

he was thinking about Emily. And it silenced me better than anything he could have said.

But Bella was persistent. Which was one of the things that I loved about her. Once she wantedsomething, she would hold on to it with everything she had. And deep-down, I couldnt help

thanking the gods that she thought that I was something someone - worth holding on to.

I didnt realize how persistent she could be, until two days after the hunt, while hanging out at

my house, we heard the rumbling sound of a familiar Chevy coming down the street. The rest of

the pack immediately started heading out the back door, but I couldnt move. My heart was in


24/79

my throat as I stood there, frozen in the doorway, unsure of whether I should be running to her or

away from her.

Jacob. Dont.

I jumped when Sam grabbed my arm to shake me out of my trance. The others gathered aroundhim, their faces ranging from annoyance (Paul) to pity (Jared) to compassion (Embry).

I should see her. Ill have to talk to her at some point, I said softly to the others, though mostly

to Sam.

Sam looked at me carefully. No. Absolutely not. You know you cant see her, its too

dangerous

I have to. I cant let her continue to My voice trailed off. I didnt know if she would

continue calling and coming by. Surely, at some point, she would just stop. Pushing that thought

from my mind, I continued hoarsely, I cant let her continue worrying about what happened tome. Its better if I tell her that its over. Ill tell her to stop coming by. Itll be easier for everyone

.

Sam let out a long sigh. Fine. But then in that alpha voice that I had begun to detest he

ordered, But you cannot tell her the truth. And you must say whatever you have to in order to

keep her away from now on.

Our eyes met. I knew Sam hated to play Alpha with me more than the others but I knew that

he was right. I saw Emily every day, tangible proof of what could happen in a split second.

The rain was pouring furiously, cold and stinging despite the fact that it was April. I tried torehearse what to say, but my mind came up blank. What I was about to do seemed to go against

every fiber within me. But it would be easiest for her and for me if I kept this quick. No

details. I couldnt trust myself to keep up the act for any longer than I had to. So I would just tell

her that she couldnt come by anymore, insinuate that she should take the hint when a guy wasnt

interested. I knew her well enough to know unerringly what buttons to push and the things that I

needed to say that would make her unable to forgive me. Embry patted me on the pack, bringing

me back to reality.

Lets get this over with, I muttered as I stepped out into the yard and walked around the side of

the house.

Bella was sitting in the truck doodling as we approached, the loudness of the rain drowning out

the sound of our footsteps. Not that there was much sound to drown out, we were pretty silent

these days.

My heart wrenched at the sight of her scrawling rows of diamonds in a notebook. She looked

tired and weary, almost the way she looked when she first started coming out here a few months


25/79

ago. I could have stood there and watched her forever, but Sam coughed loudly and gave me a

nudge. I rapped the door sharply.

Bella jumped, looking up at me in surprise as she rolled down the window.

"What are you doing here, Bella.'" I growled as my hands gripped the window frame. I neededsomething, anything to hold myself together, and I could feel the metal beginning to bend under

the pressure.

I watched as she stared at me, taking in the new hair, the new muscles, and new attitude. She

frowned, getting that adorable wrinkle in her forehead just above her nose. I expected to see fear

and disappointment in her eyes, but instead I saw worry and defiance.

"Jacob?" she asked softly.

I stared at her, forcing myself to stay tense and angry. This is for her safety, I reminded myself.

She looked away from suddenly and her eyes fell on the others. Her eyes widened as she took

them in the hostility that I was sure was in all of their eyes. And then she locked eyes with

Sam, who I knew had his Alpha face on that serene and impenetrable glare that said that he

was in control of the situation. And he was. I would do what he said. Not only because he had

ordered me to. But because I knew that it was the best thing to do for Bella.

Bella continued to glare at Sam when suddenly, something hit her and she looked away quickly,

and a familiar expression came back onto her face. She wrapped her arms around herself, as if

she were trying to hold the pieces of herself together. I knew that expression and that gesture all

too well. It was what happened when she thought about Cullen the damn leech - I didnt need

to pretend to be hostile now.

What do you want, Bella? I demanded angrily.

I want to talk to you, she said weakly.

"Go ahead.

Alone, she demanded, even though I could see that she was visibly torn up by my behavior.

I turned to look at Sam and he nodded once, his face unperturbed.

We wont listen, but dont forget you must do whatever you have to in order to keep her

away, he said swiftly in Quileute.

And then he turned, followed by the others, and walked into the house where Billy was watching

anxiously from the window. Sam didnt bother to wait to make sure I understood him. I turned

my head back to her when I knew they had all entered the house.


26/79

Okay. I ratcheted down the anger in my voice now that they were gone.

She took a deep breath. "You know what I want to know."

I continued to stare at her my head running through hundreds of things none of which I could

tell her. The concern on her face unnerved me, but I forced my expression to remain the same. Itwas surprising how easy it was to wear a mask. I had been wearing one the past two weeks and it

really seemed second-nature to me.

"Can we walk?" she finally asked softly.

I didnt respond, but she pushed open the car door and walked out towards the trees. The rain

was coming down hard and she didnt have an umbrella, but she didnt seem to care as she

stumbled through the mud.

I followed her, staying as close as I could, in case she slipped. But who was I fooling. I was

staying close because I couldnt bear to be away. This was quite possibly my last chance to benear her and I wasnt going to let that slip away.

She walked all the way to the edge of the forest, away from any prying eyes that might have been

watching from the house. Torn between needing to pull the band-aid off quickly and not wanting

to end this our last meeting for a long time I walked silently behind her. But as we passed a

hollowed-up tree, it brought back my memory of Sams memory where he had curled up for

two days after Emilys accident - I relived the pain, the agony, the utter fear of hurting the one

you love the most. I was being a coward. I had to do this. I picked up my pace, moving past her

before swinging around abruptly to face her.

"Let's get this over with," I said in a hard voice.

She waited, her eyes both angry and hurt as she waited for an explanation.

"It's not what you think." I said wearily, knowing that she thought that I was now part of Sams

gang. She was partially right. It just wasnt a gang. "It's not what I thoughtI was way off."

"So what is it, then?" she demanded angrily.

I studied her face for a long time, desperately wanting to tell her the truth. But I couldnt say the

words. Sams orders rang true. "I can't tell you," I finally admitted.

Her jaw tightened. I thought we were friends, she ground out through her teeth.

"We were." There could be no doubt where the emphasis was in that statement.

"But you don't need friends anymore, she said sourly. "You have Sam. Isn't that niceyou've

always looked up to him so much."


27/79

"I didn't understand him before.

"And now you've seen the light. Hallelujah." She laughed bitterly

"It wasn't like I thought it was. This isn't Sam's fault. He's helping me as much as he can, I said

bitterly.

"He's helping you," she repeated dubiously. "Naturally."

I felt my emotions frustration, anguish, pain begin to rage out of control, triggering a familiar

prickling under my skin. My hands shook as I forced myself to take deep breaths and calm down.

I didnt want to feel the slightest inkling of that uncontrollable rage anywhere within the vicinity

of Bella.

"Jacob, please," she whispered "Won't you tell me what happened? Maybe I can help."

"No one can help me now. I choked up, when I realized how true that statement was. There wasnothing in this world that could change what had happened. I was a werewolf. Until I died. End

of story.

"What did he do to you?" she demanded. I could see the tears glistening in her eyes, as she

reached out to me with her arms wide open as if to give me a hug.

No, dont touch me! I stammered as I backed away. I held my hands up defensively. This was

hard enough, but if she touched me I knew I would lose it entirely. Maybe they were right, I

wasnt ready for this.

"Is Sam catching?" she asked as tears began to escape from the corners of her eyes. She wipedthem away and folded her arms against her chest, mirroring my stance.

"Stop blaming Sam," I cursed myself as I watched her tears flow freely now.

"Then who should I blame?" she retorted angrily.

I laughed angrily. I couldnt help it. "You don't want to hear that."

"The hell I don't!" she snapped, angrier than I ever thought she could possibly be. "I want to

know, and I want to know now."

"You're wrong," I snapped back, more harshly than I had intended.

"Don't you dare tell me I'm wrongI'm not the one who got brainwashed! Tell me now whose

fault this all is, if it's not your precious Sam!"

"You asked for it," I ground on. "If you want to blame someone, why don't you point your finger

at those filthy, reeking bloodsuckers that you love so much?"


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Her mouth fell open. I felt as if I had taken a knife and driven it straight into her, and then into

myself. Seeing the pain in her eyes made my skin tingle and my head spin rage at myself for

doing this to her and rage at her for having had anything to do with the leeches to begin with.

"I don't understand who you mean," she whispered brokenly.

I raised one eyebrow in disbelief. "I think you understand exactly who I mean. You're not going

to make me say it, are you? I don't like hurting you."

"I don't understand who you mean," she repeated mechanically.

"The Cullens," I said slowly, drawing out every syllable, scrutinizing her face as I said it. "I saw

thatI can see in your eyes what it does to you when I say their name."

She shook her head back and forth. I could see the emotions play across her face. She had always

been so easy to read for me, but I wished now that I couldnt. It hurt too much to watch concern

for the Cullens flash all over her face and to fully realize that she had known all along what theytruly were.

Don't tell me you're listening to Billy's superstitious nonsense now," she said feebly after a long

time.

"He knows more than I gave him credit for."

"Be serious, Jacob." I glared at her. She was accusing me of not being serious? "Superstitions

aside," she continued quickly. "I still don't see what you're accusing the... Cullensof. They left

more than half a year ago. How can you blame them for what Sam is doing now?"

"Sam isn't doing anything, Bella. And I know they're gone. But sometimes things are set in

motion, and then it's too late."

"What's set in motion? What's too late? What are you blaming them for?"

"For existing, I snapped. I couldnt believe that she was defending them. After all this, she was

defending them. I was suddenly in her face, the fury in me spiking as I listened to her defend the

bloodsucking leeches. After all that they did to her. And to me. I stumbled when I realized that I

was right in her face. I jerked myself back in horror, clenching my eyes shut as I counted to ten.

"Fine, I continued, taking deep breaths. "I won't argue with you. It doesn't matter anyway, the

damage is done." I had to get out of here. Now.

"What damage?" Bella wouldn't let it go that easily.

"Let's head back. There's nothing more to say, I said abruptly as I strode past her towards the

house.


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She gaped. "There's everything more to say! You haven't said anything yet!" I ignored her and

continued walking. "I ran into Quil today," she yelled at me.

I could hear her fumbling footsteps as she tried to keep pace. I paused misstep, but didnt stop.

Quil had seen me and Embry disappear into the forest earlier this afternoon and had followed us,

stumbling around the forest for an hour shouting our names. No matter how hard we tried,Embry and I couldnt shut out the sound of his voice.

"You remember your friend, Quil? Yeah, he's terrified.

I whirled around to face her. I knew how hard it had been when Embry had disappeared, but at

least I had Quil. And now, both of us were my face grimaced with pain as I let the thoughts

flood through me. Quil I finally said softly.

"He's worried about you, too. He's freaked out."

I stared past her desperately, too scared to meet her eyes. I couldnt do this. I couldnt be hereright now.

She continued, "He's frightened that he's next."

I grabbed a tree as I muttered, "He won't be next. He can't be. It's over now. This shouldn't still

be happening. Why? Why?" I slammed my fist against the tree and it snapped instantly as if it

were a twig. I hadnt even realized I was doing it. Shocked into action by my lack of control, I

whirled away, desperate to get back to where the others could see us.

"I have to get back." This was too risky. Sam was right. I wasnt as in control of myself as I

thought.

"Back to Sam!"

"That's one way of looking at it," I said as I strode away from her quickly.

"Wait!" she called scrambling to keep up.

I spun around to face her, my hands shaking and quivering with all of the emotions running

through me. Mustering all of my strength, I willed myself to just get it over with. "Go home,

Bella. I can't hang out with you anymore."

Tears welled up in her face, "Are you breaking up with me?" she choked out.

I laughed bitterly. "Hardly. If that were the case, I'd say 'Let's stay friends.' I can't even say that."

"Jacob why? Sam won't let you have other friends? Please, Jake. You promised. I need you!"

Say whatever you have to say. Sams voice floated through my head.


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"I'm sorry, Bella," I said, pronouncing each word as distinctly as I could. I stared at her willing

her to read between the lines and see that I had no choice in what I was saying.

Her face fell in anguish and then I heard her choke out softly, "I'm sorry that I couldn't

before I wish I could change how I feel about you, Jacob." The tears continued to roll down

her cheeks. "Maybe maybe I would change. Maybe, if you gave me some timejust don't quiton me now, Jake. I can't take it."

Her face crumpled as she begged. My bravado deflated immediately. My hands felt numb as I

reached out to grab her shoulders. "No. Don't think like that, Bella, please. Don't blame yourself,

don't think this is your fault. This one is all me. I swear, it's not about you."

"It's not you, it's me," she whispered. "There's a new one."

"I mean it, Bella. I'm not" I struggled to find the words. "I'm not good enough to be your

friend anymore, or anything else. I'm not what I was before. I'm not good."

"What?" she almost shouted at me. "What are you saying? You're much better than I am, Jake.

You are good! Who told you that you aren't? Sam? It's a vicious lie, Jacob! Don't let him tell you

that!"

I wish it were a lie. But I knew it was true. I could feel it even now in the prickly fiery rage

that was barely contained under my skin. "No one had to tell me anything. I know what I am."

"You're my friend, that's what you are! Jakedon't!"

I started to back away from her towards the house. I couldnt take it anymore. I couldnt take

this. I had to get away. I needed to phase I was inches away from losing control.

I'm sorry, Bella," I whispered softly. And then I turned and dashed into the house straight

through the hall and out the back door that Billy had left open. He had known that I would need

the escape. I took off into the forest, tearing off my clothes as soon as I reached the trees,

desperately seeking the protection of my wolf brain where this wouldnt hurt as much. I phased

immediately and took off running. But it didnt make a difference.

Chapter 6: Intruder

I didnt want to think. And mostly, I didnt want to feel. And so I kept running. Letting the

repetitive motion of placing one foot in front of the next drown out any thoughts, any emotions,and any tears. But it didnt help. It also didnt help that there was no damn privacy as a wolf. As

hard as I tried, I couldnt completely tune out the rest of the pack. Their voices infiltrated my

head like a crappy radio station that I couldnt turn off.

Not sure what he sees in her shes kinda pale and skinny AND she kisses leeches ...

Shut up, Paul. Leave him alone.


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Oooh, Im scared, Call. I guess Black needs you to fight his battles for him, huh?

Shove it, you two!

Hey man, whose side are you on, Jared?

Yours, but Sam wont be happy if he hears you guys talking like this.

Who died and made you BETA, huh?

Well I was the second one to phase, so Im the obvious choice.

No way. Im bigger and stronger, I should totally be the BETA.

Right. But youre also dumb as a box of rocks, so that counts against you.

Shut up, Embry.

Make me, Meraz.

Dont tempt me!

Hey guys , I think I smell Emilys blueberry muffins!

Sw-eet! Eat my dirt, Call!

Did I mention that you really dont ever want to hear peoples inner thoughts? Trust me.

Listening to that for hours on end was enough to make you want to shoot myself. Thank God forEmilys blueberry muffins.

I felt the other wolves phase back as they reached Emilys house and suddenly, my mind was my

own again. No buzzing of other voices running like non-stop shock-jock commentary in the back

of the mind. No constant self-editing so that I wouldnt give too away about how I was feeling.

Weak with relief and exhaustion, I stopped running and slumped down in a grassy knoll to think.

Even though I had been calling myself a monster for weeks, today was the first day that I truly

felt like one. I couldnt stop replaying the memory of Bella from this afternoon, her eyes wet

with tears and dull with pain, pain that I caused as I broke my promise to her. Just like that

bloodsucker. I was no better than he was.

But I am better! I argued to myself. I didnt have a choice! I didnt want to hurt her. Saying all

those things this afternoon hurt me as much as they hurt her. I had to fight every instinct and

every natural reaction in order to force myself to say the things that would keep her safe.

In some ways, it was good that Sam had ordered me not to tell her. I didnt know if I would have

been strong enough otherwise to do the right thing. I didnt want to do to Bella what Sam did to


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Emily. But I wondered if I didnt scar Bella today just as much as Sam had scarred Emily. It was

just a different type of scar.

Lost in my thoughts, the evening turned into night. I felt the wind pick up, a sure sign that a

serious storm was about to roll in. I got up reluctantly and began to head home. A cold light

drizzle began to come down, so I quickened my steps and broke into a full-out sprint.

Just as I arrived home, I felt the others start to phase back in time for the night patrol. I was

supposed to work tonight, but I figured that Sam would cut me some slack just this once. I

phased immediately, not wanting to give up the peace and quiet of my mind just yet. But as I

reached the back door, I saw Billy reading in the kitchen, waiting up for me.

I wasnt ready to talk. Not yet. And so I snuck around the side of the house into the garage,

where I grabbed the Harley Sprint and walked it halfway down the street, before revving the

engine and taking off into the night.

Biking was really the closest equivalent to what running as a wolf felt like. The coolness of thenight air combined with freshness of the misting rain was soothing. I hopped onto the 101

without thinking about where I was going. But I wasnt surprised when I found myself pulling up

to Bellas street ten minutes later.

I cut the engine as soon as I pulled onto her street to avoid waking the neighbors and I sat on the

bike for what felt like hours - debating, rationalizing, trying to justify what I was about to do.

I just wanted to see her, I told myself. To make sure she was okay. After all, Sam didnt

technically forbid me to see her. He just said that I couldnt tell her the truth. I couldnt stand

knowing that I hurt her. I just had to try to do something anything to make her feel better. It

would be so much easier if she just knew the truth. That all of this really had nothing to do withher and everything to do with me. It was stupid for her to be suffering when there was no real

reason for it. In fact, once she found out the truth, she might not want to hang out with me

anymore. The thought pained me. But it was better than knowing that she was in pain.

Suddenly, like the proverbial lightening bolt, I realized that Bella already knew the truth. She just

didnt know that it was true. That day at the beach, I had told her all of our legends. Including the

ones about werewolves. It was ingenious. She already knew what had happened - I just needed to

push her in the right direction so that she would realize it.

Buoyed by my plan, I left the Harley Sprint hidden in the trees and jogged the rest of the way to

her house. The lights were out, which made sense since it was probably close to midnight. But Iknew that Bellas room faced the front while Charlies room faced the back. A large spruce tree

stood in the front yard, large enough to reach the second floor, but still young enough that its

lowest branches were still reachable.

Gripping the bottom branch, I swung myself up easily. I hadnt climbed a tree since I was about

10, but this wolf thing had its perks. I pulled myself up to the second floor without breaking a


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sweat and peered into Bellas dark bedroom. I could barely make out Bella, a tiny bump under a

gigantic purple quilt. I chuckled quietly as I leaned over and tapped softly on the window.

I saw her stir slightly in her sleep, so I leaned over again pulling the spruce tree towards the

house with all my weight and tapped again.

Bella! Bella! I whispered loudly praying that Charlie wouldnt catch me.

Suddenly, I felt the spruce branch I was holding onto buckling under my weight. I quickly swung

to another branch, but not before the original branch snapped and giving me a nasty cut down the

entire length of my arm. It was a good thing werewolves healed fast.

"Ouch! Damn it, open the window! OUCH!"

I heard the sound of Bella getting out of bed and rushing to the window. Just as I pulled myself

level to the window again, it flew open almost smashing me in the face.

Jacob, what are you doing? Bella gasped, her eyes wide with shock and worry.

Im trying to keep- I huffed as the new branch began to buckle under my weight and I had to

quickly switch branches again. I was beginning to feel like George of the Jungle here. -my

promise!

Are you crazy? When did you ever promise to kill yourself by falling out of my tree? she

hissed at me, more awake now.

I snorted as I swung my legs around to improve my balance. Get out of the way!

What?

Get out of the way!

"No, Jake!" Bella protested. But she moved just in time, as I swung my legs, pushed off of the

tree trunk, and catapulted myself neatly and softly with a low thud - into her room.

We both stood there for a moment as we stared at the door, dreading the sound of Charlies

footsteps. But a few moments passed and then we heard the distinct sound of Charlie still snoring

away blissfully.

I grinned. Not bad. Not bad. Having wolf senses was finally paying off. At least there were a few

good perks about being half-wolf half-man.

But then I looked at Bella and I stopped smiling. Her skin was blotchy. Her eyes were dull. And

her nose was red she had clearly cried herself to sleep. She crossed her arms over her chest,

hugging herself as she often did when she was hurting, and tried to stare me down. But I could

see the cracks in her bravado, the trembling of her hands, the glassiness in her eyes, and the tense


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tilt to her chin. This is why I had come here. Bella was hurt. And I was good at making her

happy. Except, of course, this time, I was the one who had hurt her.

Chapter 7: Secret

Blinking back her tears, Bella suddenly pushed me with all her strength. "Get out!"

I didnt move, but I felt my jaw drop in shock at the anger in her voice.

No no I protested. I came to apologize.

"I don't accept!" She shoved me again towards the window. If the situation wasnt so tense, I

would have laughed. Even though I knew that she was pushing me with all of her strength, it was

like a kitten nudging you to get you out of its favorite chair.

She pushed me one more time before giving up. She dropped her hands and instead, crossed her

arms protectively around herself as she stepped back. The air blowing throw the window feltwarm to me, but I could see that it made her shiver in her thin knit tank-top and pajamas.

Suddenly, I realized that we both standing in her room, in the middle of the night, with very little

clothes on. I had forgotten to bring a t-shirt so I was just wearing cutoffs and I could still feel the

cool touch of Bellas hands against my bare chest. And I knew she wasnt immune either. She

kept glancing furtively at me, taking in all the physical changes that had occurred in the past few

weeks. I looked down, self-conscious suddenly. I saw her gingerly flex her hands as if they had

been burned by my touch.

Bella shivered again as another cool breeze came through the window. Her tank-top and pajamas

left little to the imagination and I felt my face flush and my entire body warming up in response.I reached over and closed the window abruptly. I didnt need more provocation. When I turned

back around, it was just in time to see Bella sway unsteadily on her feet.

Bella?

Catching her by the elbow before she fell flat on her face, I steered her back to the bed. She

seemed unable to walk without stumbling and I almost picked her up, before realizing that

probably wasnt a good idea given our current state of partial undress. I sat her down on the

mattress and hunkered down next to her to prevent her from crumpling into a limp ball on the

floor.

"Hey, are you okay?" I asked as I began to worry that maybe she was sick or something too.

Bella looked up at me wearily. I could still see the traces of tears on her cheeks. "Why in the

world would I be okay, Jacob?"

Oh right. Thats right. I forgot. Ive been an *sshole to you the past few weeks. "Crap. Well

II'm so sorry, Bella."


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"Why did you come here? I don't want apologies from you, Jake."

"I know," I whispered. "But I couldn't leave things the way I did this afternoon. That was

horrible. I'm sorry."

She shook her head as she looked away from me. "I don't understand anything."

"I know, I paused as I tried to figure out how to best do this. I want to explain" I broke off

suddenly. It was as if one moment I was talking and the next moment someone had cut off my

windpipe. I literally couldnt say the next words that were coming out of my mouth. Damn Sam

and his Alpha status. I took a deep breath and continued, But I can't explain. I wish I could."

She brought her knees up to the bed, so she could lean down and put her head down in her arms,

still refusing to meet my eye. Why?

God damn*t. There had to be some way

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Moonster-New Moon 2