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8/3/2019 New Cads Report Aug 2011
1/5
CADS Report publishes private, secret, and classified nonsense about the state of the UK from anonymous news sources.
CADS REPORTAug 2011
England beat some team called India
Issue No: Three http://cads-amsterdam.org/
CADSCRICKETLUNCH
ADMITONEFORTHE
CRICKETCLINIC.SOFTBALLSONLY.
non compos mentis
India were thumping their chest as they climbed out of their well deserved flight into the egosphere,
and stepped with confidence, or overconfidence depending upon how we see it, on to the Lords test
ground. They arrived as the No.1 test team in the world and World Cup winners. They were the giants
of the game. The unbeaten vindaloo victors with the little master Tendulkar on their shoulders.
During the summer, theres nothing quite like the
sweet sound of the willow striking leather. Especially if
you understand what Yorkshire fast bowler Fred
Trueman meant when he said Cricket is a great
leveler. India were Goliath fighting David, only they
didnt know how the story would end.
In just a few short, shocking weeks, England have
become the top-ranked nation in Test cricket after
crushing India by an innings and 242 runs in the third
Test match at Edgbaston. James Anderson set
England on the victory trail by removing Gautam
Gambhir, Rahul Dravid and VVS Laxman inside the
first hour in a brilliant spell of swing bowling.
England have now secured a 3-0 lead with only one
match remaining.
Its the first time England have occupied top spot
since the creation of the table back in 2003. Lets see
if histor y repeats itself with the one day
Internationals (as in that woeful one-day England
performance after we won the Ashes).
DONT FORGET
The Annual August CADS Cricket Lunch!
Friday Aug 26, 2011, 12 noon to 2pm.
Cricket Clinic from 12:30 noon to 1:00
Lunch 1:00 to 2pm
8/3/2019 New Cads Report Aug 2011
2/5
CADS Report publishes private, secret, and classified nonsense about the state of the UK from anonymous news sources.
The annual August CADS Cricket Lunch!If you dont know the difference between leg before wicket and a googly then youre in fora real treat this monthLUNCH AT A CRICKET CLUB. And for those of you fit andcrazy enough, we will also include a small 1/2 hr cricket clinic. Please arrive at 12 noon. Thecricket clinic will be held from 12:30 until 1pm. Lunch from 1pm until 2pm. (See travelguide below).
Venue: VRA Cricket Club,
Nieuwe Kal%eslaan 21B, 1182 AA Amstelveen
Telephone:& +31 (0) 206 418 525
Date: Friday Aug 26, 2011,
Time: 12:00 noon to 2pm
VRA Cricket Club Travel Directionshttp://www.vra.nl/vra/pages/map.php
8/3/2019 New Cads Report Aug 2011
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CADS Report publishes private, secret, and classified nonsense about the state of the UK from anonymous news sources.
DearCADs,
The outlook wasnt allbad for the
Prime Minister ashe arrivedback in
DowningStreet yesterday morning.
Having forsakenhis Italianvilla the
nightbefore,David Cameron could at
leastrecapturethatholidaybuzzsimply
bylookingoutofhisbackwindow.
Mamma mia! Whathadhappened to
HorseGuards Parade?The grand old
royaldrillsquarehadbeentransformed
intoabeach.Andtheonlycreatureson
parade yesterday weresome of the
fittestyoungwomenintheworld,their
bikinibottoms pointingsquarely in the
directionofNumber10.
YoursIn-Sincerely,
B.Allsup
CADS REPORTAug 2011
PM returns
from Tuscanyto keep eye onballs-up ofOlympicproportions.
Issue No: Three http://cads-amsterdam.org/
non compos mentis
GOLDMAN
HACHS Page 5
PM RETURNS
FROMTUSCANY TOKEEP EYE ONBALLS-UP OF
OLYMPICPROPORTIONS.
8/3/2019 New Cads Report Aug 2011
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CADS Report publishes private, secret, and classified nonsense about the state of the UK from anonymous news sources.
What is short selling?
It is a way to profit from falling prices. Someone sells
items bank shares, for example that they dont actually
own on the assumption that the price will fall, with the
aim of buying them back for less, making a profit.
Why are regulators banning it now?
Because market swings have been especially wild, partly
because of rumours about critical issues. Regulators fear
the rumours were started by those who stand to profit
short sellers, in other words.
So what are naked shorts?
Naked means you havent even borrowed the stock
you are shorting. Essentially, you're selling something you
don't own. Right then, who wants to buy 100 shares in
CADS? Only null euro per share.
WARWICK COUNCIL
Council spends four and a half years zealously pursuing
disabled pensioners for overpaid benefit despite the
fact they dont owe a penny.
WILDERS' PARTY JOURNALIST SCREEN AGAINST LAW
The anti-Islam party PVV asks journalists for their
personal data, including their citizen service number
(BSN), when they apply to attend a press conference, news
agency GPD reports on Thursday.
Asking for someone's BSN number is against the law,
the GPD quotes privacy experts as saying. And for a
political party to do so is entirely unacceptable. The PVV
says they ask for the information at the request of the
national terrorism coordinator and the royal and
diplomatic security service (DKDB) responsible for the
security of Geert Wilders.
SMURFS OUTRAGED AT BAN ON SHORTING THE EURO
GARDENING LEAVE:Rebekah Brooks, on three
months gardening
leave, after which she will
pocket 4m so long as she
behaves
"NEWS International declines to comment on
the financial arrangements of any individual, is what
the ex-publisher of the News of the World steadfastly
tells anyone who asks whether it is still paying
Rebekah Brooks following her resignation a month
ago. CADS, however, is quite happy to comment.
Brooks is currently on three months gardening
leave, at the end of which she will (providing she
keeps her nose clean) receive a payoff of around
4m.
HACKING:THE
PHONEYWAR
How are we short people going to benefit if we cant spread our false rumours. says
UK Smurfs head of short selling. I mean its not as though we actually do or make
anything useful. The only way we can profit is by spreading our bare falsities.
8/3/2019 New Cads Report Aug 2011
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CADS Report publishes private, secret, and classified nonsense about the state of the UK from anonymous news sources.
We had a very pleasant,well-attended lunch last month,
with a short debate on the BBC
World Service radio, proposed by
yours truly after the fashion of
Mark Anthony at Caesars funeral.
After a spirited rebuttal by Allan
Poot based on the ecological
benefits of closing the transmitters,
the result was pretty much a 50/50
vote on the motion. So there it
rests, with no mandate for furtheraction. We were joined by the BBC
Awards sponsors GNE, and their
President Abel Rasterhoff, who
gave us excellent insight on the
current affairs disasters resulting
from the cucumber genocide earlier
in the year. If only the police force
of London had been present, they
might have better understood what
was about to be visited on them!
Ilse van den Meijdenberg, the new
Chair of the IoD in TheNetherlands, was also present, and
has offered to tell us a little more of
her organisation at a future lunch. This month we have a mostt i m e l y o u t i n g t o t h e
Amsterdamsebos to revisit the
International Cricket Ground. As
you may know, English men and
women everywhere can hold their
heads high at the moment when
cricket is mentioned, having just
regained the position of the best
cricket team in the world. John
Richardson has organized the
outing, and we will enjoy a cricket
clinic, followed by an excellent
pavilion lunch. Next month we have thefirst formal lunch of the autumn
term, and the CADS golf day. The
g o l f w i l l b e h e l d a t
Haarlemmermeersche on Friday
the 16th September, starting at
1230 for the golf and 1800 for the
dinner. Costs are roughly
50 Euros for the golf, and
35 Euros for the dinner
with wine. Please let me
have your entries by 5th
September, together with
your handicap if you are
golfing. Recently we havehad dreadful events on the
streets of London and
Manchester, with looting
and violence by some
young gang members and
the criminals who incite them. Lost
amid the media storm was a report
from Income Data Services, that
directors in Britain's top 100
companies have accumulated final
salary retirement pots worth 2.8meach on average, widening the gap
between pensions awarded to
boardroom executives and the shop
floor. Whilst over 75% of final
salary schemes have closed to new
workers over the past 10 years, only
3% of the directors schemes have
closed in the same period. And
some company directors have
awarded themselves pension pot
contributions of up to 29 times
salary over the past year! All well
and good if the company belonged
to them, but when they rob other
stakeholders to enrich themselves, it
is as much a crime as looting the
local store. And these are the top
100 companies all of them
publicly quoted. Is it any wonder
that the public is revolting
Circulating on the Internet is the
program developers version of the
story. This large Wall Street institution
has for the past 10 years been tapping
into the SEC servers, buying all theshares available for sale on the NYSE,
and then selling them on to buyers
who are offering to buy, at a rounded
up price. The process happens in
microseconds, and the Gold and Sex
intervention remains secret from both
buyer and the seller, since their servers
are co-located with those of the
NYSE 30 miles out of town, and the
extra transactions are completed
before the screens downtown can
react. Gold and Sex reaps ~1% ofthe NYSE turnover from this little
fraud. Since the turnover is ~175bn
USD per day, the profit for Gold and
Sex is over 40bn USD every year!
Several federal inquiries have been
started, but so far no one has had the
political clout to overcome the hordes
of senators and representatives paid
off with Gold and Sex.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
CHAIRMANS CORNERAfirmo
nWallStreetisscammingthemarket?
Best wishes, Mike
by OLD MAN HACHS