Relationships in teams

Teams, Relationship Rooms and Basic Love

The most important question in team relationships

• How much room do I have in my heart for team members?

• The sklerokardia problem• Five most important rooms:

1. Directness

2. Continuity

3. Multiplexity

4. Parity

5. Commonality

Small hard heart

12

34

5

Five important relationship rooms

1. Directness: Direct face to face communication

2. Continuity: Frequency, regularity and duration

3. Multiplexity: Contact in ≥ 1 context / role

4. Parity: good balance of power / influence

5. Commonality: Sharing common purpose / values

What do we often find in these rooms?

1. Directness: gossip; indirect communication; feeling of distance or alienation

2. Continuity: high staff turnover; irregular contact; who is that?

3. Multiplexity: only one context one-sided knowledge of one another

4. Parity: misuse of power; disrespect

5. Commonality: no shared values; conflicting purposes

What should we find in the five Relationship Rooms?

• BASIC LOVE: Choosing and acting for the highest good for all parties involved even if it means making sacrifices

1. It is a choice

2. It leads to ethical behaviour

3. It considers the interests of relevant parties

4. It places a million euros in the relationship bank right at the beginning even before the other party has lifted a finger or given a friendly smile

4 3 2 1

Directness

Continuity

Multiplexity

Parity

CommonalityRelationship

Radar Diagram

Relationship Radar Diagram

• Go through the four questions about each room

• Count how many times you say YES for each room

• Enter your score on the Radar Diagram

4 3 2 1

Directness

Continuity

Multiplexity

Parity

CommonalityRelationship

Radar Diagram

X

X

X

XX

Test: Directness

1. Do your co-workers think you spend enough face-to-face time with them in the workplace?

2. Do your co-workers think you are accessible enough?

3. Do your co-workers think you respond well when they try to contact you?

4. Do your co-workers think you are a good listener?

4 3 2 1

Directness

Continuity

Multiplexity

Parity

CommonalityRelationship

Radar Diagram

Test: Continuity

1. Do your co-workers think you make enough effort to understand their point of view?

2. Do your co-workers think that you have enough contact with them? (frequency / duration)

3. Do your co-workers think that there is a growth of trust and understanding in the team?

4. Does your contribution to the team inspire others to remain on the team?

4 3 2 1

Directness

Continuity

Multiplexity

Parity

CommonalityRelationship

Radar Diagram

Test: Multiplexity

1. Do your co-workers think you know enough about their total life situation?

2. Do your co-workers think you know enough about their talents, gifts, skills and performance in different situations?

3. Do you have both formal and non-formal contact with your colleagues?

4. Do your colleagues think that you take enough initiative to build good relationships?

4 3 2 1

Directness

Continuity

Multiplexity

Parity

CommonalityRelationship

Radar Diagram

Test: Parity

1. Do your colleagues think you seek their participation in decisions that affect them?

2. Do your colleagues think you give credit to people for the work they do?

3. Do your colleagues think you share risks and rewards fairly with them?

4. Do your colleagues think you address the right topics in the right settings?

4 3 2 1

Directness

Continuity

Multiplexity

Parity

CommonalityRelationship

Radar Diagram

Test: Commonality

1. Do your colleagues think you share the same values and goals about the work?

2. Do your colleagues think you understand the organizational culture of your company?

3. Do your colleagues think you are honest about your ability to make mistakes and that you handle conflicts well?

4. Do your colleagues think you use the diversity of the team to promote creativity and collaboration?

4 3 2 1

Directness

Continuity

Multiplexity

Parity

CommonalityRelationship

Radar Diagram

How do you fill the five rooms with basic love?

• By building heart to heart bridges

• How do you do that?

DirectnessContinuity

MultiplexityParity

Commonality

Know

ing

Trusting

Serving

Building the Relationship Bridge

What are you going to do to:

• Build Basic Love bridges?• Make larger the five

relationship rooms in the workplace?

1. Directness

2. Continuity

3. Multiplexity

4. Parity

5. Commonality

Sources

• Schluter, M & Lee, DJ; The R Option; Relationships Foundation: Cambridge; ISBN 0-9543879-0-2

• Schluter, M & Lee, DJ; The R Factor; Relationships Foundation: Cambridge; ISBN 0-340-58892-6