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7/25/2019 SUBBING Tweets
1/4
48 WWW.FACEBOOK .COM/ZOOMAGAZINE
A c ollec tion of th e most hi lar ious Twitterr amb ling s fr om this y ear
8Tim Vine @RealTimVineAug 8Im in Wagamama. Everybody loves Ramen
4OhNoSheTwitnt @OhNoSheTwitnt Sep 1Just tried to retweet my own tweet and now I know what it feels liketo be Kanye
11Seth MacFarlane@SethMacFarlaneOct 8Please dont show me a photo by handing me your phone. I know atsome point youve used it right after touching your balls
3Jon Richardson @RonJichardsonMay 29Ordered a porcini dish for lunch. Manager took my money thendenied all knowledge. Last time I order the Cep Platter#ohyesidid#fifafofum
6James Martin @PundamentalismJun 15Jurassic World takes $511 million in the opening weekend the biggestpayday for dinosaurs since the 2018 & 2022 FIFA World Cup bids
7John Cross @johncrossmirror Oct 3At least Englands rugby team won a World Cup match
9Summer Ray @SummerRayJan 12The most impressive thing about Arsenal is how its very nearly twobum words in one name
2Ed Byrne @MrEdByrneJul 3I hope thats just lightning outside, not the terminator arrivingbecause none of my clothes will fit him
5Boothby Graffoe@boobygraffoe Oct 6Theresa May too large to fit in studio so she has to stand outsideand be interviewed through the window
10Anne-Marie Tomchak @AMTomchak May 7Ha! #GE2015
1Tom Carter@Pointless_Alias Oct 6I couldnt believe what I saw on @C4Countdown today, it was justbang out of order
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49WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOMAGAZINE
12Wenger Knows Best@wengerknowsbest Oct 27
We played SheffieldWednesday, on a Tuesday. Theyplayed well, yes, but overallI believe we accidentallyplayed them one day too early
15Rhys James @RhysjamesyJun 29If video games encourage kids to be violent, then TimeTeamencourages kids to go grave robbing
13Rob Brydon@RobBrydonOct 29Bonds ability to pack an extensive wardrobe using onlyhand luggage is enviable
20Milton Jones
@themiltonjonesSep 22Squashed on the Tube. So this isbeing a Pringle
21Darth Vader @DepressedDarth Jun 3Because youre worth it
19JimmyCarr@jimmycarrMay31SeppBlattersstaying.IwouldntbesurprisedifthenextWorldCupwasheldinIslamicState(andIbetwereinthegroupofdeath)
22James Blunt@JamesBluntJan 16Unless I find your bum. RT @zomboy666:Ive got f**kingJames Blunt in my head. I suppose at least that means my daycant get any worse
16Rob Delaney @robdelaney Aug 19My decision to take my wife on an emergency two-weekno-Wi-Fi holiday in the Gobi Desert has nothing to do with theAshley Madison hack
24Accidental Partridge@AccidentalPMar 2
#AccidentalPartridge
(Via @martysaleh)
17Ickle Reviews @ickletweetsAug 1#Telly: BBC News uses new iPad hand as sports reporterbizarrely pretends to use a tablet
14Deluded Brendan @DeludedBrendanJul 21Raheem Sterling has blocked me. Thats disappointing
23Andrew Paterson @AndrewPaterson_ Feb 27Very happy to announce that Ive renewed my contract
with Asda and will continue working weekends for the near future
18JackWhitehall
@jackwhitehall
Sep20
Comeonguys,weve
allbeendrunkand
poppedourtodgerin
apigsmouth.
*Everyoneturnsand
stares.*
(Longsilence.)
Illgetmycoat
COMPILED
BY:JoeBarnesandGeorgeMartin
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50 WWW.FACEBOOK .COM/ZOOMAGAZINE
32CheekySport @CheekySport Oct 13Guess who didnt qualify for#Euro2016 #Holland
30Larry the Cat @Number10catAug 6BREAKING: The Government has sent in its topnegotiator to end the #tubestrike
33Faces in Things@FacesPicsJun 6Hi! Working on yer bike, are ya?
27Christian Ridley
@chrees_ridleyOct 13My new thesaurus is terrible.Not only that, but its alsoterrible
34Mrs Ronnie Pickering@PickeringMrsSep 28Ronnie went to a job interview yesterday.When they asked his name he punched thebloke. Still waiting to hear if hes got it
26BBC Sporf @BBCSporf
May 16FACT: Sadio Mane has scored moreleague goals in three minutesthan Mario Balotelli has managedin a whole season
25
35Patrick Smith @psmith Aug 6This is apparently a real thing that
happened on the London Overground. Doyou know this man?
31Funny Humour@funnyhumour Feb 7If Im not mistaken, Tipp-Ex is pretty useless28Funny Joke@funnyjokebook Jul 4Wi-Fi went down for five minutes,so I had to talk to my family. They seemlike nice people
50 W W W F A CE B OO K C O M / ZO O M AG A ZI N E
36Bad Dad Jokes @baddadjokesNov 1My son asked me to stop singing Oasissongs in public.I said maybe#joke #dadjoke #dadjokes
29@DxhtyMa
r2
@LAGalaxytodaysmyb
irthday!
CanIgetareplyfrommy
favouriteUSA
club?
LAGalaxy@LAGalaxy
Happybirthday
@Dxhty
.@LAGalaxyjokesyoure
sh*t.Everton
wouldsh*tonyou
LAGalaxy@LAGalax
y
@Dxhtyhilarious
@Dxhty
.@LAGalaxyhopeyouge
trelegated
LAGalaxy@LAGalaxy
@Dxhtythatsliterallyim
possible
Aug 6
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51WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOMAGAZINE
38First World Pains @FirstWorldPains Jun 7When you finally see that big-ass mosquito
39Frankie Boyle @frankieboyle Apr 7The only way to engage the British public with this electionwould be to put your policies in the PornHub sidebar
40Kevin Hart@KevinHart4realOct 15Nothing worse than taking a run and then having to take ash*t when youre a mile-and-a-half away from your bathroom. Ialmost sh*tted in a bush
37 Jeremy Clarkson @JeremyClarkson Feb 25Wanted: new presenter for Top Gear. Applicant should be old,badly dressed and pedantic but capable of getting to work on time
46Donald J. Trump@realDonaldTrumpMar 21
Its snowing and freezing in NYC.What the hell ever happened toglobal warming?
45David Schneider @davidschneiderAug 24Foursome to split and go their separate ways from March.#inevitable
Oh, you mean One Direction
44Maurie Sherman @DamnitMaurieSep 28Exclusive first photo of water on #Mars#MarsAnnouncement @KiSS925
42Conan OBrien @ConanOBrien Oct 23Sorry, Jeb Bush, talking about your favourite Marvelsuperheroes does not count as making yourself a DC outsider
47Sage Boggs@sageboggsApr 7
Thomas Edison: I have an idea.(A f**ked up rough draft of thelightbuld appears above his head)
43
Funny Tweets@FunnyThingsUKAug 2
Every time Cech makes a save for Arsenal #CommunityShield
41Mikey Smith @mikeysmithSep 28Pope revealed to be Dilophosaurus 49Cullen Crawford@HelloCullen
Sep 1My movie about horseswith attitudes:StraightOutta Clomptown
50Elizabeth Windsor@Queen_UK Sep 15Making a few spending cuts. Just traded the PMs Jaguar in forone of these. Were all in it together after all
48Russell Howard@russellhoward Apr 29Probably sit in the bath and watch myboobs float #AskRussell
Ella @EllaJadeDaly1If you were a woman for a day, what wouldyou do? #AskRussell