Thankyouforauditioningfor

SOMETHINGROTTEN

NON-UNIONNATIONALTOUR

ROLE:NIGEL

Presentintheroomforprescreens/appointments/callbackswillbevariouscombinationsofdirector,musicsupervisor,choreographer&casting.Producing

teamwillalsobepresentatcallbacks.

Fortheinitialcall,pleaseprepareacontemporarycomedicmusicaltheatresonginthestyleof(orfrom)theshow,andSIDE1.

Ifyouarecalledback,pleasepreparetheentirepacket.

INSTRUCTIONS:Besuretobringyourpictureandresume,otherwisewewillnothaveoneintheroom!

Thankssomuch!W|SCasting

NICKNigel, please. I need you, now more than ever. I’ve got to go find us a new backer and that means you need to come up with a new idea. Please tell me I can count on you for that!

Nick exits in a huff. MUSIC STARTS.

NIGELYes, you can. Yes, you can.

(he tries to write)Uggggh, no you can’t.

He stands to leave and is stopped by A WOMAN IN A CLOAK (Portia).

NIGELOh. Good day, mistress.

PORTIA“Good days were those when lit with love, till dusk of death did herald th’eternal night”

NIGELHey -- I wrote that.

The woman turns and lowers her hood, revealing herself to be Portia.

PORTIAYes, I know.

(holding up a page)I accidentally took this after our first encounter. Your sonnet. It’s -- perfection.

NIGELReally? You thought it was... good?

PORTIAIt... touched me in places I did not know could be touched.

Portia suddenly realizes how that sounded, turns away - embarrassed.

PORTIA (CONT’D)Forgive me. Poetry is forbidden in my house, especially poems of earthly love.

(melodramatically; to the heavens)OH, IS THERE NO PITY IN THE CLOUDS THAT SEES INTO THE BOTTOM OF MY GRIEF?!

NIGELRomeo and Juliet, Act 3, Scene 5.

6/21/15 41.

SOMETHING ROTTEN

START:

NIGEL Side 1 of 2

1/4

PORTIAYou’ve seen it?

NIGELSix times. And you?

PORTIAEight! If my father knew, he would disown me.

NIGELMy brother, too.

PORTIAI adore Shakespeare.

NIGELMe, too! I’ve got a Comedy of Errors, first edition.

PORTIAI’ve got Sonnet number 1. Signed!

NIGELWow!

PORTIAI know! Heh-heh...

NIGELHeh-heh...

They giggle together - a pause, then...

PORTIAI think you’re his equal - if not better.

NIGELWhat??? No way.

PORTIAOh yes. Your sonnet has Shakespearean sophistication mixed with the complexity of Daniel Webster and the sensitivity of Samuel Daniel.

6/21/15 42.SOMETHING ROTTEN

2/4

NIGELWow. You really love poetry.

PORTIAOh, I do. I really, really do.

(she sings)I LOVE SIDNEY AND MARLOWEAND OFTEN I BORROW THEIR WORDS TO EXPRESS HOW I FEELI LOVE POEMS OF MYSTERY, FANTASY, HISTORYOH WHAT SEDUCTIVE APPEAL

AT NIGHT, ALONE IN MY BEDROOM, SATISFYING MY NEEDTHE CANDLELIGHT FIRE IGNITES MY DESIRE - TO READ

OHHHHH… EVERY TIME I HEAR A PERFECT RHYME I GET ALL TINGLYBECAUSE I KNOW THAT TO FIND A PERFECT RHYME IS NOT AN EASY THING-LY

I LOVE THE PLACES THAT WORDS LET ME GOI LOVE THE WAY THAT YOUR WORDS MOVE ME SO

(moving closer, facing him)NO WORDS HAVE TOUCHED ME THE WAY THAT YOURS DOAND I… LOVE…

PORTIA (CONT'D)Youuuuuuu are really doing something to me, Mr. Poetry Man. Forgive me. I never get to discuss poems in this way.

NIGELIt’s okay. I never knew poetry could affect someone the way it affects me.

PORTIAMe neither.

NIGEL (singing)

IT’S THE END ALL THE BE ALL OH YOU OUGHTA SEE ALL THE BOOKSTHAT I HAVE ON MY SHELF

PORTIAMe, too!

(singing)I FIND PLEASURE PERUSING THOSE WRITINGS AND MUSINGSSO OFTEN I PLEASURE MYSELFWAIT, THAT DIDN’T SOUND RIGHT

NIGELNO, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEANWHEN I’M DEEP IN THE THROES OF IMPASSIONATE PROSE - I COULD SCREAM

6/21/15 43-45.SOMETHING ROTTEN

3/4

PORTIAYou scream? So do I!

(singing)OH... I LOVE A LILTING LINEOF LYRICAL ALLITERATION

NIGELWHO DOESN’T LOVE ALLITERATION

PORTIAAND THEN I’M LIKE WHOA...WHEN THE PHRASES COME TOGETHER LIKE A CONSUMMATION

NIGELWHAT SWEET ELATION!

PORTIA/NIGELI LOVE THE PLACES THAT WORDS LET ME GOI LOVE THE WAY THAT YOUR WORDS MOVE ME SOI LOVE THAT YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY I DO AND I LOVEYOU KNOW THAT I LOVE, YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE...

NIGELMe, too.

APPLAUSE as they stand there awkward.

NIGEL (CONT’D)Okay, I want to show you something.

He reaches into his pants - then pulls out a piece of paper.

NIGEL (CONT’D)I keep it hidden from my brother. It’s a letter. To me. From the Bard. Saying he has received my sonnet.

PORTIAYou sent him a sonnet? And he’s read it??

NIGELWell, he said he would.

PORTIAYou know him!!?

NIGELUm, kinda sorta. He was in the same acting troupe as my brother, but I was just a kid then. It’s not like he knows who I am or anything.

MESSENGERMaster Nigel Bottom?

6/21/15 43-45A.SOMETHING ROTTEN

4/4

END

Nigel points. THE HAGGARD GYPSY WOMAN has stepped in front of Portia.

NICKWow. I guess a guy can only wait so long.

NIGELNot her. Her.

The gypsy woman moves away revealing Portia -- who is standing next to BROTHER JEREMIAH.

NICKA Puritan!? Are you mad?? DO YOU KNOW WHO HER FATHER IS??

Jeremiah walks through the market flanked by PORTIA and OTHER PURITANS as they pass out leaflets and he preaches liked a crazed street evangelist.

BROTHER JEREMIAHBrethren, I say unto thee... the theaters are a scourge upon our land! Where men dress as women and kiss other men. I have seen it myself and it did stiffen my... resolve!

(is he getting aroused?)For such sinful role-play is the gateway to lustful desires and fantasies of the flesh!

NICKYou really want that guy giving a speech at your wedding reception?

BROTHER JEREMIAH(as he’s exiting)

Let not thy sacred soul be poisoned by the playwrights and poets whose dark invention diverts simple minds from the one true book...(before exiting, to his men) C’mon, boys.

He pulls Nigel away, not noticing that he is still staring at Portia. She throws him one last glance before she exits.

NICK Forget about her. It’ll never work. Now listen. You know the big idea we’re looking for? Well, I’ve got it.

NIGELYou have?

6/21/15 33.SOMETHING ROTTEN

START:

1/3

NIGEL Side 2 of 2

NICKYes. Now, I want you to listen with an open mind because it’s a bit radical.

NIGELOkay. What is it?

NICK(painting it in the sky)

A MUSICAL.(Nigel looks confused)

It’s a play with songs -- but the songs advance the plot and develop character as they seamlessly segue from dialogue into singing.

Nigel thinks about it for a beat.

NIGELThat...is...the most...amazing idea.

NICKYeah?

NIGELIt’s brilliant actually. How better to express the inner longings of the human soul than with music? And you’re always writing songs on your lute.

NICKI already dusted it off and started banging out a few tunes. And all those poems of yours? -- there’s your lyrics!

NIGELWow. It’s perfect for us. How did you come up with this?

NICK (quickly diverting question)

You know, that doesn’t matter. But this is good, right?

NIGELYeah. “A MUSICAL.” I love it.

NICKWe just need to figure out what it’s about.

NIGELI still say we should tell our...

6/21/15 34.SOMETHING ROTTEN

2/3

NICKPlease don’t say two brothers from Cornwall.

NIGELBut why not? I think we should just write something emotionally true, something from the heart.

NICKNo! We need to think bigger. Was the Bible written from the heart?

NIGELWell, I would hope so.

NICKOkay, it probably was but my point is - Matthew, Mark, Luke? Those writers were writing about an event. Something big, epic, world-changing.

(suddenly hit with an idea)I’ve got it! Yes! Why didn’t I think of this before?

NIGELWhat?!

NICKThe most significant historical event in the last thousand years!

LIGHTS OUT on them, up on their troupe who appear on the stage behind them.

6/21/15 35.SOMETHING ROTTEN

3/3

END

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22 ∑œœnn œœ œœ œœ œœ œœ

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NICK:

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NIGEL:

Waltz, in 1 h.=56

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-4- #3-God, I Hate Shakespeare03-26-15NIGEL Song 1 of 2

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30 œ œ œpo e try

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33˙ œlin. God's

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34œ .œ Jœown in spi

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35œ œ œra tion like

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38œ œ œcap tures my

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39 .˙soul!

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40 ∑

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NICK: Jesus, yousound just like him!NIGEL: Really? Thanks.

œ œ œ œ œ œ

41 ∑

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-5- #3-God, I Hate Shakespeare03-26-15

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76Œ œœœ œœœPORTIA: Youuuuuu are really doing something to me, Mr. Poetry Man. Forgive me. [GO]

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PORTIA: I never get to discuss poetry in this way.NIGEL: It's okay. I never knew poetry could affect someone the way it affects me. PORTIA: Me neither.

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95œ œ œend all the

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-5- #7-I Love The Way04-03-15

START:

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137œb œ œ œn œ œwhen the phra ses come to

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143œ œ œI love the

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Am7

145œ œ œrhy thm of

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NIGEL:

146˙ Œrhyme

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œœ œ œ œ œŒ œœ œ..˙̇C 69

147œ œ œI love the

˙ Œtoo.

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148œ œ œsen su al

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149œ œ œson nets sub

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152œ Jœ .œway that all

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153œ œ œpo e try

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Œ . .œ..˙̇G/B

154œn œ œspeaks to myœ œ œspeaks to myœœn œœ œœŒ œ œ..˙̇C

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-8- #7-I Love The Way04-03-15

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155 .˙soul.˙soul

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PORTIA:

NIGEL:

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164œ œ œway that your

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165œ œ œwords move me...œœœ ...œœœ

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166 .˙soœœœ œœœ œœœŒ œœ œœ..˙̇C

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169œœ œœ œœnsame way I...œœœ ...œœœ

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-9- #7-I Love The Way04-03-15

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170 ..˙̇ndo...˙̇̇n

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174 ..˙̇I

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175 ..˙̇

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179 ..˙̇I

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180˙̇ œœ œœ

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184 .˙I

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185 .˙

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-10- #7-I Love The Way04-03-15

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186 .˙love

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187˙ Œ

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-11- #7-I Love The Way04-03-15

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