By Julia Lammers

A recent dig in India re-vealed that a half-man half-bear half-dinosaur prowled the earth over 8,034,897 billion years ago. Archeologist Mat-thew Smith reports, “We were hunting for bigfoot skeletons when we stumbled across this odd looking bone. As we dug deeper, we found hundreds of bones. We used our extensive knowledge to piece together this amazing creature.” The skeleton of the animal shows a dinosaur body with a bear shaped skull and human arms and legs. Archeologists then collaborated with scien-tists to find out more about the half-man half-bear half-dino-saur. “We don’t know the ex-act ratios of the human to bear to dinosaur, but we do know that it’s 100 percent awe-some,” scientist John Rock acknowledged at a press con-ference last Thursday. The animal’s bone shape reveals that it had apparently evolved to stand on two legs. At full height, it stood 90 feet

tall. It had a large dinosaur tail with many spikes, used for whipping away its enemies. The bear skull had power-ful jaws that could crush al-most anything. The creature was relatively fast-moving, especially because its body and head weighed almost 800 times that of its legs. Its arms had leathery wings, but it could not fly. “The stomach’s content was well preserved so we could see exactly what it ate, which was very beneficial to our research,” says Rock. What the scientists found was astounding. “It seems to not only have eaten the usual Big Macs, McRib, Fi-let-o-Fish, French fries and Shamrock Shakes, but also orange chicken from Panda Express, fried chicken from KFC, whoppers from Burger King and a nice home cooked meal or two, not to mention an assortment of other ani-mals that it had to hunt, like squid, chimpanzees, poison-ous frogs, puppies, other dino-saurs, kittens, snakes, scorpi-ons, baby ducks and pandas!

This bad beast was hungry as heck,” the scientists said. From cave paintings, sci-entists also learned about the hunting and mating habits of this crazed fiend. When hunt-ing, it would creep around secretively, waiting until its fast-food restaurant of choice was about to open. Next, it would pounce, destroying ev-ery meal in sight. In the wild, it simply used its vacuum-like

sucker to suck up all the ani-mals it wanted. The half-man half-bear half-dinosaur mi-grated often, because it would eat whole cities in a day. Despite its name, there was also a female variety. As for reproduction, the females were pretty unlucky. After mating, the male would not call its partner back for days. When she would finally get a hold of him, he usually mum-

bled something along the lines of “I think we should see oth-er tri-halfs.” The female re-mained heartbroken for days. Scientists think that after a while, the half-women half-bear half-dinosaur got smart and stopped mating, and that’s what finally led to the extinc-tion of this amazing, albeit strange, species. To get a picture of just how fantastic this animal was, scientists performed a num-ber of studies and exams. The conclusion they came to was unanimous. Rock says, “The coolness of this beast is off the charts. We literally produced a graph and put amount of swag on the x-axis and fierceness on the y-axis and this thing was graphed into space. I mean we are talking about dangerously high levels of sick. All the other little animals looked up to the half-man half-bear half-dinosaur. They wished they could be it. It was an honor to be eaten by this beautiful creature.” Other scientists de-scribe the creature as “fineee” and “straight up cash money.”

Archeologists find half-man half-bear half-dinosaur

Subway to take over lunch service in school cafeteria Next year there will be a change seen in the cafeteria at North. All meals are to be pre-pared by Subway. Both lunch and breakfast will consist of sandwich op-tions from Subway. Regular school sides and day to day options such as pizza, and the pasta bar will also be avail-able. Why implement this change? The school decided to make the change in order to make students eat healthy op-tions when it comes to food. Subway’s slogan “eat fresh” inspired North to turn over meal making to the food fran-chise. “With more and more kids making unhealthy choices, we decided that we needed to see change here at Appleton North,” said a member of the school board. They hope that the new menu options will indeed help the kids make the right choices when it comes to food. “Students have been mak-

ing unhealthy choices for so long, we hope this change will make for healthier students,” the Board said. Subway has fresh healthy food that will make students more energetic throughout the day as studies have shown. A good diet also helps kids focus and learn better for the whole day. Plus, because Subway is so good, kids will stop focus-

ing on nachos and cheese, and instead actually do their home-work. People say breakfast is the most important meal of the day and this is true, but we must remember every meal is im-portant especially for students who continue to use their brain throughout the whole day. All Subway sandwiches will be prepared daily and fresh and

delivered to North for the stu-dent’s lunch, but breakfast op-tions will still be prepared by the school. The sandwich op-tions will be fairly basic with no “special” combos available on a regular basis, but the vari-ety of simple sandwiches will be great. Also students will have access to the sub embel-lishments such as mayonnaise, red vinaigrette and mustard. Not only is this decision im-pacting day to day life of the students, the cafeteria change will hopefully effect each stu-dent’s decision-making for years to come. It is a known idea that most of the habits you make in high school follow you for the rest of your life. If those habits are positive and encourage healthy eating, then the change really is for the better. The decision will be final-ized at the next school board meeting, and its members are hoping kids will enjoy the change and take advantage of it. Make sure to look forward to this change in next year’s cafeteria!

By Megha Uberoi Other ideas for lunch service

at North• LittleCaesar’sPizza

A scientist shows off the bones of the tri-half, quoting it as “one of the greatest and coolest finds ever.”Photo from MCT Campus

Hoping to force students to eat fresh, the School Board has now changed North’s food service to be catered by Subway. John VanBeekum/Miami Herald/MCT

• TacoBell

• HomeCookedMeals

• Free-for-allinthekitchen

• Leftoversfromfancyrestaurants

• Frenchcuisine

• KibbleandBits

• Whoneedslunchanyway?

the appleton north

APRILFOOLSAppleton, Wisconsin April 2013 Vol. XVIII Issue VII

NEWS Appleton, Wisconsin April 2013 Volume XVIII Issue VII Page 2

THE SECRET LIFE OF

RODNEY

All of Appleton North is quite familiar with our dear friend Rodney. Whether he has serenaded you on your birthday or launched a jolly rancher your way, he always finds a way to make your day. Despite the clever façade, Rodney is someone very dif-ferent. He is super secret agent 700, not to be confused for his friend, 007. The grand reveal has been made here at North! Our friendly head mainte-nance man is none other than the world’s top spy! He has played his cover well, but now the secret is out. While playing “Rodney”, agent 700 has been on his mis-sion to find the government file that holds the number of exactly how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie pop. The file of course, has now been moved to a se-cure location where it will be heavily guarded. Now that this secret has been revealed, agent 700 will now retire and has agreed to continue his current identity as Rodney. While Rodney may now be a retired spy, he still does his fair share. It is ru-mored that in his spare time he defends the school from ninjas and radioactive spiders... We only need one spider man after all. Rodney has mastered the art of public embarrassment so when he begins to sing to you in the lunch room, sit back and watch the show, because he is truly the best at what he does. Who knows? Maybe he still has connections. As the Tootsie pop riddle says…. the world may never know.

By Becca Bailey

Hashtags replace formal citations in CA classesBy Molly Biskupic Since Twitter began in 2006, hashtags have become a ubiquitous part of our lives. It started by replacing “no offense” with “#sorrynotsor-ry” in conversations. On Face-book, people hashtag when they’re angry about hashtags #hastagsaren’tforfacebook. You can hashtag anything anywhere, even in school. It’s reported that next year’s freshman will no longer be using MLA format when cit-ing their papers, they’ll be using hashtags. This decision was made by the school dis-trict in an effort to modern-ize CA classes #easya. Many parents have argued against the school district’s decision, saying MLA citations are an

extremely important skill to learn for college. In response Superinten-dent Lee Allinger says “This is very beneficial to students and teachers, because no extra instructional time is needed since most kids already use

hashtags in their papers.” Student’s responses have been mostly positive, except for the few who already have MLA format memorized and mastered #tryhards. Many colleges have already completely moved over to

hashtag citations, and almost all professors have encour-aged this by tweeting while their TA’s actually teach. It’s projected that in the next few years, all traditional forms of citation will completely die out. Of course many authors and historians complain that plagiarism will now go unno-ticed. People might actually care if historians had twitter followings #trending. The truth is no one cares about plagiarism anymore, copy & paste has made it way too hard to avoid. Let’s just base our grading system on who’s trending and how many likes your profile picture gets. That’s how it’ll work when you’re an adult #realworld.

Colleges start looking for the ‘awesomeness’ factorBy Marit Bakken

For most of us, there is no way we could ever get into a school as elite as Harvard or an Ivy League. In order to even get considered at one of these schools, one practically needs to save a small country from economic collapse, or create a program that elimi-nates poverty from a medi-um-sized city. Not to men-tion perfect grades, years of volunteer experience, lots of money, a sob story and a rec-ommendation from the mayor of your town. However, these requirements may be about to change. As one admissions counsel-or from Harvard states, “We are getting so sick of seeing all of these perfect children apply to our schools, so we decided to change our stan-dards. Anyone can get a 4.0 with moderate intelligence, but how many people can say that they are expert break dancers?” This change at Harvard matches the change taking place across the nation; with most colleges focusing on unique skills over traditional-ly “smart” skills that only are taken up to impress college admissions officers. Maybe you’re a talented violin play-er, but everyone plays the violin – it’s not an impressive skill anymore to colleges. Skills like having a wicked ping pong game or eating the highest amount of wasabi without throwing up are be-coming increasingly popular among admissions officers. “We get sort of bored staring at thousands of ad-

missions letters every year. And these admissions letters all look the same!” said one admissions counselor from Princeton. “If I have to see one more admissions letter with a 4.0 student with a 36 ACT who’s played piano at Carnegie Hall and has saved thousands of children from starvation with an innova-tive new food source...” After the admissions counselor had calmed down sufficiently, he stated “I don’t care if you have a 2.0 GPA and have never done volunteer work in your life, if you are the world champion at hang gliding – I’m immediately granting you admission.” Admissions counselors all over the country agree, the “awesomeness” of the activ-ity is way more important than the “smartness” value of the activity. One admissions counselor stated, “Why even

go to school anymore? Any-one can get good grades – it just shows that you try way too hard. In fact, why not drop school all together and ride the rails – that shows a lot more awesomeness than good grades.” Students seem to be em-bracing this idea readily, school dropout rates have al-ready started to increase. One student here at North commented “Yeah, I used to be a high achiever – 4.0 and everything. But, with these new guidelines I can now embrace my heartfelt passion – battling robots.” Another student responded “I can’t wait to skip this stupid home-work now that I know that it doesn’t matter. I’ve always wanted to learn how to make kites and fly them – this new admissions process will allow me to follow my dream.” This admissions change

seems to be embraced by ev-eryone except the 4.0 GPA over achievers. “What am I supposed to do now,” said one such student. “I wasted my whole life getting these good grades – and now these stupid grades won’t even get me into Harvard – my life-long goal.” Most students don’t seem to feel much sympathy for these over-achievers. So, over the next few years of high school – one may want to reevaluate their focus in life. Why waste time getting good grades when colleges are looking more for the “awesomeness” factor? There is no time like the present to follow your dream and open a food stand in New York City. Toss the violin in your case and go out to explore your passions. If they are awesome, you will have a lot more luck getting into an Ivy League college.

Teachers everywhere have decided MLA citation is no longer relevant, and look to hashtags for the fu-ture. Photo from Morguefile

Many students dream about attending a prestigious university like Harvard. Now, if you are deemed “awesome” enough, your dream could become a reality. Photo from MCT Campus

Super secret agent 700 Rodney hunts for a top secret government file. Photo by Nate Correia

FACTSNoctiluca Editorial

Appleton, Wisconsin April 2013 Volume XVIII Issue VII Page 3

Citing his years of public service and expertise at not committing crimes, beloved former president Richard Nixon is back in politics by popular demand.

Addressing a cheering crowd of millions on March 16, the elderly yet energet-ic Nixon laid his plans for America’s future, and fiercely denied allegations that he had passed away almost 20 years ago. “People are looking for a breath of fresh air in Washing-ton,” he said, “and I’m a new kind of politician. I am not a crook.” Fitting a displaced ear back in his head, he added: “Or a reanimated corpse. That too.”

Despite Nixon having been a conservative president in the middle of the 20th century, his numerous detractors say that Nixon is just too radical to be-come president again.

“I mean, he made the Envi-ronmental Protection Agency, introduced the Clean Air Act of 1970, and shook hands with Chairman Mao. I just don’t think America is ready for all of this radical hoo-hah” one conservative said.

Nonetheless, running un-der the campaign slogan “The jowls America needs”, Nixon has taken the nation by storm. Experts state that this is in large part due to his historic bipartisan victory in 1948, in which he won the nomination for Congress by both the Re-publican and Democrat par-ties.

Support Richard Nixon for president, 2016

To strengthen his non-par-tisan appeal, Nixon recently created the Tricky Richard party, after his old nickname, and it has already gained 100 million card-carrying mem-bers. “What can I say?” he asked, “With a name like Tricky Richard, who can’t find me charming?”

Possibly the most impos-ing challenge Nixon has yet to face is the new “deather” movement, which claims that he isn’t actually an American

Who will YOU vote for in the 2016 presidential election?

Nixon, handsome as ever as he nears his hundredth birthday. Photo from biffpaints.blogspot.com/

citizen. Members of the movement

claim that Nixon lost his U.S. citizenship in his alleged death nearly two decades ago, and therefore has no right to be president. On the other hand, supporters, despite claiming Nixon to have been alive and well for almost 100 years, claim that the matter is irrel-evant, as there is no clause in the Constitution denying the right of citizenship in the event of death or resurrection.

Richard Nixon A stern Victorian-era man

Stephen Colbert

Write your ballot on a sheet of paper, and then throw it in the nearest trash can.

Every vote counts!

Photos from www.usa.gov, fineartamerica.com, auctions.find-target.com, and www.usa.gov, respectively

American business magnate Donald Trump has since of-fered $5 million to a charity of Nixon’s choice in exchange for the exhuming of his grave. “I’m just asking Former Presi-dent Nixon to show the public his mortal remains. Why’s he making an issue out of this?” he asked.

Even though Nixon is clear-ly favored to win the election, his campaign is by no means disregarding the competition. “I mean, a lot of Americans

really feel like they can relate to the stern Victorian-era gen-tleman,” said a Tricky Rich-ard campaign coordinator, “But he hasn’t really said any-thing. He just kind of... stares. It’s really kind of creeping us out.”

Another advantage that Nixon has over the opposition is in his strong grass-roots ap-peal, especially among high-

school students. Every day it seems another “Nixon 2016” or “Nixon’s the one” inscrip-tion is found among North’s many whiteboards and hall-ways. Being 100 years old and having a personality de-scribed by many as “para-noid,” it is no wonder that Nixon has a strong appeal with children.

For Nixon’s tremendous triumphs in conservation, for-eign relations, bipartisanship, and cheating death, the Nocti-luca has broken its hallowed tradition of impartiality and now places its support behind our 37th president in the up-coming election.

So please, donate your time, money, and best wishes to this great American, and join North’s student-run club for Nixon today!

“I am not a crook. Or a reanimated

corpse. That too.”

We’re not sure what this means, but it sounds im-pressive. Photo from www.usa.gov.

Editorial StaffAbbey Edmonds................................................Editor-In-ChiefMarit Bakken..........................................................News EditorSam Allen..........................................................Opinions EditorMonica Stoeger..................................................Features EditorAbbey Edmonds.........................................Centerspread EditorTrent Beilke...........................................................Sports EditorMaya Murzello.....................Culture and Entertainment EditorNate Correia.........................Photography and Graphics EditorMelissa Bougie.......................................................Copy EditorMr. Ramponi.........................................................Staff Advisor

FACTSLet your voice

be heardThe Noctiluca staff gra-ciously accepts any letters to the editor which will be pub-lished as space allows. Please limit submissions to no more than 250 words. Anonymous submissions will not be printed and all writing is sub-ject to editing via our policy statement below. All letters to the editor can be dropped off in the designated folder on the door of the Publica-tions Lab at the south end of the LMC, or e-mailed to Mr. Ramponi, the staff advisor, at: ramponiaaron@aasd.k12.wi.us.

Noctiluca Mission Statement

To publish news, informa-tion, entertainment and opin-ion articles for and about students, faculty and admin-istration activities, interests and policies. Our goal is to maintain high ethical stan-dards and provide a forum for free and responsible ex-pression of student views. The newspaper strives for a high level of competency and welcomes diversity of scope, depth and breadth of coverage in order to heighten mutual understanding and awareness through our entire school community.

Noctiluca

Policy StatementPublished nine times per year, the student newspa-per of Appleton North High School is a public forum in which its student editorial board makes decisions re-garding its contents.

Unsigned editorials ex-press the views of the ma-jority of the editorial board. Letters to the editor are wel-comed and will be published as space allows.

Letters must be signed, although the staff may with-hold the name in certain cir-cumstances.

The paper reserves the right to edit letters for gram-mar and clarity, and all letters are subject to laws governing obscenity, libel, privacy, and disruption of the school pro-cess, as are all contents of the paper.

Opinions in letters are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the Appleton North High School adminis-tration, unless so attributed.

The Noctiluca reserves the right to publish content in both print and online format.

Contact InformationAppleton North High School

5000 N. Ballard RoadAppleton, WI 54913

Phone: (920) 832-4300

Appleton, Wisconsin April 2013 Volume XVIII Issue VII Page 4

ContributorsSam AllenBecca BaileyTrent BeilkeMolly BiskupicRachel BrosmanNate CorreiaAbigail EdmondsIsabel EdmondsAlexandria FloodstrandJoey JandacekMiller Jozwiak

Julia LammersAlex LarsonAmanda LyonsJeff MillerMaya MurzelloElise PaintonLauren SassiSara SigmanMonica StoegerMegha UberoiAbigail Zabronsky

By Sam Allen

Appleton North to be converted to open-pit mine

Following the discovery of a large vein of iron ore in the Appleton area, what we cur-rently know as North High School will soon be convert-ed into a $1.5 billion open-pit mining operation. That’s right, kids: take one last look around you. Soon, you’ll have to find employment laboring thousands of feet under the Earth’s crust, being slowly evolved into a race of cave-dwelling mole people.

Despite undoing years of

environmental and education-al legislation, numerous Wis-consin lawmakers and civil-ians have determined that the temporary economic boost afforded by the mine will be well worth the destruction of North and its environs as we know them. I’d have to say that I wholeheartedly agree. In my opinion, schools are supposed to train kids for the workforce; if we don’t have these mining jobs for them right here in Appleton, then

what’s the point of educating them in the first place? Into the pit with them, I say.

Since everyone within a three mile radius has been told to either get out or join the mines, student’s reactions have been mixed. “I mean, I guess I like gym class and drinking water that isn’t poi-soned,” said one North stu-dent, “but a mine would be pretty cool too. I think.”

Others believe that back-breaking labor in the mines would encourage a produc-tive learning environment

Artist’s depiction of new Appleton North Pit Mine. Photo from www.usa.gov

This mining legislation is a step

in the right direction –backward

乾杯 嘲笑

Google tərcümə- üçünbütün mümkün edir. Çoxpis siz məktəb bağlanacaqedirik.

સામ એલન દવારા

вы- Вы вызначаюцца Жлоба, вы, знайшлі час, каб перавесці гэта.

Русско- для всех тех, обратном грн письмо.

স�েকর - হযা, স�েকর . িকভােব স�েকর একিট উ� পাচ পের বা িকছ.

Vi- se vi jam tradukis ĉi nun, mi konsilas ke vi havas vivon.

�ೂೕ��ಾ� - ತುಣುಕುಗಳನು� ಆವ���ೂಂ�ತು �ೕನುತುಪ� ಬಂಡಲ �ರುವ�ಗ� � ��ಸುವ �ಾರ

Twonpe moun ki fè mal inanime- objè-m apgade ou, papye.

Líklegasta shoddy þýða starf sem ég hef gert hér-hryggur óður í þessi. Ég reyndi mitt besta.

for adolescents. “I’ve always liked recess, and I think that keeping kids physically active helps them learn better,” said one student. “I sure wish my elementary school had been a massive, ore-laden pit.”

Some students were dis-mayed to find out that their schedules for next year con-sisted entirely of manual la-bor, and that reading time had been cancelled. Appleton North’s ACA, on the other hand, is happy to see so many hundreds of students taking an interest in hands-on work

experiences during their high school years.

It’s a well-known fact that kids these days have been growing up too soft. I certain-ly know that back in my day, “child labor” was considered a virtue, not a crime punish-able by $11,000. This mining legislation is a step in the right direction – backward – to an era in which hard, brutal work was valued over the environ-ment or learning things. So I, for one, will stand tall in sup-port of the pit with every fiber of my being; who’s with me?

FEATURESAppleton , Wisconsin April 2013 Vol. XVIII Issue VII Page 5

In the fall of next year, Ap-pleton North will be hosting a few students of the most pecu-liar kind: wizards.

These students will cross over the pond all the way from England. Previously, they at-tended a school named Hog-warts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

These students are unsure of what to expect coming from Hogwarts School. Angie Tyler, who attends Hogwarts, stated, “I am really excited to be com-ing over to a Muggle School to learn about the culture. It’s quite an exhilarating thought.”

These unique students will be traveling to Appleton North to experience the life of non-magic people, otherwise known as Muggles.

All of age 17, they will be

staying here due to a require-ment for their Muggle Studies course at their school.

Accompanying them on this journey is their headmaster, Albus Dumbledore. Professor Dumbledore will be at North aiding his students in adjust-ing to a life without the use of magic.

“I do believe it is exception-ally important that my students learn what the Muggles are forced to live with: no magic. They are required to learn the ways of navigating through their normal life, but without the extended help from their wands,” Dumbledore stated in a letter written to the students at North. The three Hogwarts students will be living with host fami-lies here in Appleton, rather than with their peers. Their families will be all pure-blood

“Muggles” and will treat these students like those who are not of magic. In other words, they will also help these students in adjusting to life both in the United States and of Muggle origins. One student will be staying with the Lyons family. Zach-ary Lyons, freshman, stated, “I think it will be cool to have a student stay in our home. I think it will be interesting to see his or her reactions to the things we do.”

Professor Dumbledore and his three students will be ar-riving early this summer. The students will become situated with their host families before they start the academic year.

They will participate in the same classes required of North students, so if any classes are shared, please give them a warm welcome.

By Amanda LyonsNorth welcomes unique exchange students

Students of Appleton North:

I am exceedingly excited to have the grand opportunity of travelling to your country. I, being the old age I am, have never acquired such chance in my youth. I do believe that this will be an exceptional oppor-tunity for the students at my school, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

My students were all born with magic in their blood, some coming from a long line of Witches and Wizards alike and others coming from Mug-gles much like yourselves. I do believe it is exceptionally im-portant that my students learn what Muggles are forced to live with: no magic.

They are required to learn the ways of navigating through

their normal life, but without the extended help from their wands. These wands are what fuel the fire within all of us.

Mr. Ollivander, a close ac-quaintance, often enlightens me that the wand chooses the wizard, and that much is very true, indeed.

My students are of the grandest, being the kind to work exceptionally hard, and I have no doubt in my mind that these students will become such peers you will look up to.

These students are of the most elite kind being the top rank in their class. They are the head students of their houses; Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Huf-flepuff, and Slytherin.

I, myself, will also be enjoy-ing the lovely life among you Muggles whilst I stay at Ap-pleton North. I plan to emulate the life of Muggles alongside

my students. I think it’s a rather interest-

ing life you all live. A good friend of mine, Mr. Arthur Weasley, has a rather exquisite collection of artefacts from your colourful world.

I look forward to seeing you all beginning in the fall. I will also be bringing my fair share of my favourite sweets and such.

For now, I hope you all en-joy one of my favourites… a chocolate frog. However, I do hope you are careful, they tend to like to… jump away.

Sincerely,Professor Albus Percival Wul-fric Brian Dumbledore

Headmaster

Hogwarts School of Witch-craft & Wizardry

Letter to students from Albus DumbledoreBy Amanda Lyons

TaurusYou will discover your inner creativity through pogo-sticking.

GeminiLearn to play an instrument. Rain stick perhaps?

CancerGrumpy Cat likes you. Just kidding.

LeoTry an exotic fruit, but avoid the thorns.

VirgoYou will discover the cure for acute viral rhinopharyngitis.

LibraYou will read this and be disappointed.

ScorpioTry a new sport, I hear Quid-ditch is fun.

SagittariusThe pet sloth you ordered two months ago is still not here.

CapricornThrow away your winter clothes; who are we kidding, this is Wisconsin!

AquariusTake time to smell the spring flowers. Well, unless you have allergies…

PiscesYou will draw a masterpiece while blindfolded.

AriesYou will find dinosaur foot-prints in the woods.

HoroscopesBy Sara Sigman and Monica Stoeger

Illustration by Abigail Zabronsky

A real zoo: Pets to be roaming the hallsBy Sara Sigman

The sounds of barking and meowing, squeaking and chirping will soon be heard throughout the halls of Apple-ton North High School. A new school policy has allowed stu-dents to bring pets to school. The halls will now be full of dogs, cats, hamsters, birds, guinea pigs, and pretty much any pet you can think of, in ad-dition to the typical teenagers. It will be a real zoo.

Many students are happy with the change. Junior Me-gan Stumpf said, “Having my puppy in school will be benefi-

cial for everyone because the excuse, ‘my dog ate my home-work,’ will actually become a reality for everyone!”

One staff member of the Administration said, “I think allowing pets in the school is a great idea. Perhaps stu-dents could make new friends through having similar pets, and school may be more excit-ing. I wish I could’ve brought my cats to school with me when I was in high school.”

The addition of pets to the school may also help reduce stress. Nothing can help take the edge off of a big test like having a soft, wiggling puppy

to cuddle and play with. According to Harvard

Health, pets may lower blood pressure, reduce rates of asth-ma, and improve psychologi-cal well-being and self-esteem.

However, the new rule does come with some restrictions. All animals must be on a leash or in a cage at all times, and if students do not properly clean up after their animals, they could be asked to leave their pets at home.

After a certain unfortunate incident in another school, students are asked not to bring fish to school as well as any other animals that require liv-

ing in water. Overall, it will be ex-citing to see the new policy

in effect, and it will hopefully be a policy that neighboring schools strive for as well.

Cats enjoy their last play days before school. The new policy will soon go into effect. Photo by Brian van der Brug/Los Angeles Times @ Observer/MCT.

ABIGAIL EDMONDS

“I prefer playing harmonica to really anything else. Playing with the club gives me a sense of purpose.”

“I used to be friendless. Harmonica Club really gave me the social breath that I needed. Without Harmonica Club, I would be by myself.”

“Harmonica Club is definitely an important time to me at Appleton North, as it helps me express myself physically, socially, and most impor-tantly musically.”

“I really love Harmonica Club. It makes me feel so great and happy and my life is totally different because of it.”

“When I was thinking about college, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do, but now it just makes sense. I never want to give this up.”

REBECCA FITTON

NAOMI ROSELAAR

ESTHER ROSELAAR

ISABEL EDMONDS

REVOLUTIONARY “Harmonica club is the most exclusive club in the school, so obviously, it’s where I need to be.” - Tyler DesRochers

The small group of

students who changed music forever

3

“When I was thinking about college, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do, but now it just makes sense. I never want to give this up.”

ISABEL EDMONDS

“Harmonica club is the most exclusive club in the school, so obviously, it’s where I need to be.” - Tyler DesRochers MIND AND BODY

harmonica’s numerous health benefits

ARMONYHarmonica club is North’s premiere musical talent. Recently inspired by Robert Bonfoglio, harmonica extraordinaire, the group has quickly gained national recognition, and has played in many famous music halls, most recently the lobby of the Performing Arts Center. They hold auditions annually, and accept only the most accomplished and committed players.

By Isabel Edmonds Want to do better in school? You may want to take up the harmonica, says a doctor. According to a recent study, adolescents who play the har-monica achieve better scores on tests. The reason? Oxygen. Recently published in the Journal of Science this study revolutionizes how we think about oxygen, which according to the article is “vitally important to the brain.” The study ran numerous tests on high school stu-dents and found that when taking a test, teens with a supply of oxygen did better than those who did not. “Harmonica playing is more beneficial than most instruments because you use oxygen 100 percent of the time you are playing,” said Abbey Edmonds a senior in Harmonica Club. “Especial-ly when you play fast notes you have to breathe a lot but it pays off because the extra oxygen is transferred into IQ points.” Harmonica has other benefits as well. Accord-ing to Science, the more oxygen you intake the bigger your muscles are. That’s why the newest equipment in the weight room isn’t a hip flexor- its 12 new harmonicas. “I was sceptical at first but after a few days I saw my muscles getting bigger and I haven’t looked back since,” said senior Torren Peebles.

“I owe so much to harmonica; my muscles wouldn’t be half as big if I didn’t play. And when Yale saw Harmonica on my list of extracurricular activities, they called me right away!”

The numerous benefits of playing harmonica has attracted the attention of many coaches as well. Coach Salm is very enthusiastic about the new Harmonica program. “When we found out about the benefits of oxygen it was a no brainier. Now instead of hav-ing our players grunt while doing jumping jacks and push ups, we hear beautiful music because we have attached harmonicas to their mouth guards,” said Salm. But will harmonica really help you make the team? Coach Salm says yes. “Next year the dif-ference between JV and Varsity is harmonica.”

This organ needs oxygen.

SWEET

FEATURESAppleton, Wisconsin April 2013 Vol. XVIII Issue VII Page 8

By Abigail Zabronsky

Student Spotlight

Name: Katniss EverdeenGrade: JuniorActivities: Hunting and spend-ing time with sister, Prim.Favorite Food: Herbed Lamb StewAnimal to Hunt: Anything I can findFavorite Part of the Hunger Games: When it was finally overLeast Favorite Part of the Hunger Games: Rue’s demisePets: A cat named ButtercupFavorite Song: “The Meadow Song”Favorite Animal: Mocking-jay

By Lauren Sassi

By Amanda Lyons

Name: Peter ParkerGrade: SeniorFavorite Subjects: Physics, Chemistry, GeneticsRole Model: My late uncleHobbies: Photography, par-kour, cracking jokes, adven-turing, and hacking into Tony Stark’s mainframeFavorite Quote: “With great power, there must also come great responsibility.” -Me

By Abigail Zabronsky

Name: Justin BieberGrade: SophomoreFavorite Color: PurpleFavorite Number: 6Sports: Basketball, soccer, and skateboarding. Favorite Food: SpaghettiFavorite TV Show: “Small-ville”Favorite Drink: Vitamin Wa-ter

By Alexandria Floodstrand

By Monica StoegerName: Taylor SwiftGrade: FreshmanHobbies: Playing guitar, sing-ing, and writing songsFavorite Number: 13Makeup Brand: CoverGirlFavorite Drink: Diet CokeFavorite Pair of Shoes: My red Keds

Top 10 Comedies

1. “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” 2. “Bridesmaids”3. “The Princess Bride” 4. “Spaceballs” 5. “Turner & Hooch”

6. “The Master Of Disguise” 7. “Coming and Going”8. “The Pink Panther” 9. “Evan Almighty” 10. “Marmaduke”

By Alexander LarsonHave a good laugh while watching these movies.

Due to a recently signed petition from the Appleton North student body, the North Administration has decided to add a new class to the Course Description Guide for the 2013-2014 school year: Sleep 101.

“Personally, I think it’s a great idea. My mom is always telling me to get more sleep, but my sports and homework schedules make that impos-sible,” said a senior. “Now, I can take a nap during the school day without getting reprimanded.”

The petition for Sleep 101 started with a group of juniors

overwhelmed with numerous AP classes. In mid-November, they each realized how depen-dent they became upon caf-feine to start the day.

“My coffee and energy drink consumption was off the charts,” said one of the ju-niors. “On one January morn-ing I began to experience heart palpitations while driv-ing to school. I drove straight to Appleton Medical Center’s emergency room. After getting my blood results back, the ER doc had a serious talk with me about my overconsumption of caffeine. Boy, I’m lucky to be alive.”

So many students signed the petition for the class that

the Administration could not avoid the popular opinion.

“I suppose it won’t hurt to add Sleep 101 as a class. If it benefits students’ health, I can’t ask for anything better. Perhaps grades will improve, and we won’t see as many zombies in the halls,” said one administrator.

Thus, Sleep 101 will now have its spot in the electives section of the Course Descrip-tion Guide.

Interested students are en-couraged to stop down in Guidance to request their changes to their schedules for next year as soon as possible. Sign up for Sleep 101 before the class is full.

North adds new class to course description guideBy Monica Stoeger

Jeff Blake/The State @ Ob-server/MCT.

Jeff Siner/Charlotte @ Ob-server/MCT

Robert Gauthier/Los Angeles Times @ Observer/MCT

Alan Solomon/Chicago Tri-bune @ Observer/MCT

CULTUREAppleton, Wisconsin April 2013 Vol. XVIII Issue VII Page 9

What’s on your playlist?By Maya Murzello

“Reflection” -Mulan“I’ll Make a Man out of You” - Captain Li Shang “True to Your Heart” - Mulan

“Part of your World” -Ariel“Under the Sea” -Sebastian “Kiss the Girl” -Sebastian

“Down in New Orleans” -Tiana“Almost There.” -Tiana“Dig a Little Deeper” -Mama Oldie

“Mother Knows Best” -Mother Gothel“I’ve got a Dream” -Rapunzel“Waiting for the Lights” - Rapunzel

Ariel

Tiana

Rapunzel

Mulan

Sloth tweets about journey to the fridgeBy Julia Lammers

“Today, a great and unex-pected journey commenced. It all started when I began to feel a little #hungry. It was at that moment in my life that I realized a monumental endeavor was about to be-gin. #food #AdventureToThe Fridge #YOLO”

“I have managed thus far to

lift an appendage. I extended an arm and reached my three claws to the stars. The world applauded me and I smiled blissfully. #BelieveInYourself #Inspired”

“This journey has been a stressful one; therefore, today, I took a nap. #SorryNotSorry”

“These last few days have been especially trying on my

body. I have worked non stop to reach my goal. I’ve gone without food, water or shelter. This life is an exhausting one, but I must endure to see this journey through. #Sloths4Ly-fe”

“#Trouble!The family dog was on the loose today. It ran up behind me and almost scared the hair off me. Luck-

ily, it didn’t seem to notice me cowering in a corner. #FreakedOut”

“Wow, I’m sooo hungry. #GenericTweet”

“Just one more nap. I prom-ise. #tired #sleepy #good-night”

“Back on the road today! #GoodLuckToMe”

“Half. Way. There. #YOLO”

Sure, we are all told to eat healthy and exercise and blah blah blah, but does anyone ac-tually have the time or patience for that stuff?

Let’s be honest, sweating is gross and working out isn’t even fun. Diet pills are sketch. And who the heck wants to eat vegetables and whole wheat things? Sick! Not to mention we are always being told that it doesn’t matter what’s on the outside! It’s what is underneath those saddlebags and fat rolls that really counts!

The easy-and delicious-route is to follow in the footsteps of great cooking masters like Paula Deen. With her cooking methods, you can have your cake--and deep fry it too.

This recipe comes from Deen’s latest cookbook, enti-tled I Have Type II Adult Onset Diabetes and I’m Not Afraid to Use it. It may sound a little rich at first glance, but once you taste this trans-fat masterpiece, you will never get up from your couch again. It fills your house with an odd smell and your ar-teries with cholesterol! Put on your apron and prepare for a heart attack of deliciousness.

Ingredients • 1 lb of hamburger meat, uncooked• 1 dozen eggs• 2 bags of frozen smiley fries (don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about)• Some nice Texas Toast, extra thick and buttery• 8 cups sugar• 4 Big Macs• Fried chicken (as much as needed)• 5 liters of Diet Coke• Assorted cheeses (Wiscon-sin made only)• 1 ham• 1 sheet cake • Tacos • As much butter as you can get your greasy paws on• 6 cans of frosting• 2 dozen assorted dough-nuts• 13 gallons of oil, for frying

InstructionsFirst and foremost, wash

your hands. We’re not pigs, are we?! Then find a way to heat enough oil to fill a bath-tub. Next, dump that hot oil into that tub! Take caution while do-ing so, because if the scalding liquid touches you, it will burn! Ow! **The Noctiluca is not re-sponsible for the injuries that will inevitably result from pour-ing hot oil into a bathtub. ** After

that, you should pick out some ingredients from the above list that may or may not taste good together. This is your time to let your creative beast out to play. Mix stuff. Get frisky with it. It re-ally won’t have much effect on the final product. Just decide on some food and put it in a blender and make a nice paste. Next, roll it into a ball and cover with butter! Then plunk it right into the bathtub. After about 20.3458 seconds, take out the food ball and set aside. Choose a few more ingredients and blend those up. Cover the deep fried food ball in the other food; roll in butter then into the bath-tub it goes again! Repeat these steps until all your ingredients are used up. What will result is an intensely hot, delicious and mildly radioactive meal. Cool in

a snow bank for a week or two, then enjoy!DISCLAIMER: THE NOCTI-LUCA IS NOT RESPONSI-BLE FOR ANY DIABETES, HEART CONDITIONS IN-CLUDING BUT NOT LIM-ITED TO HEART ATTACKS AND STROKE, FATALLY HIGH CHOLESTEROL, FA-TALLY HIGH BLOOD PRES-SURE, ANY WEIGHT GAIN, MYSTERIOUS BODILY FLUIDS, HALLUCINA-TIONS, PANIC ATTACKS, SLURRED SPEECH, LACK OF MOTIVATION, DIS-TORTED SENSE OF REAL-ITY, AND ANY AND ALL DECISIONS MADE WHILE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF THIS RECIPE.

Paula Deen releases new cookbook By Julia Lammers

Jason H. Whitley/ Charlotte Observer/ MCT

Provided by Disney/MCT

CULTUREAppleton, Wisconsin April 2013 Vol. XVIII Issue VII Page 10

Not interested in writing for the culture section in the Noctiluca? Don’t contact Maya Murzello via Facebook.

By Elise Painton

Lately, fashion trends have been off the walls. The run-ways are pulling out all the stops, including all the best styles of the mid 2000’s. Yes indeed; crocs, gauchos, and ponchos will be seen on ev-eryone all around town. Be the first to get on these new and improved trends from the elementary school days.

Skechers is a style all in it-self. As the best-selling and most famous pair of Skech-ers shoes, Shape-Ups will definitely go with any outfit. Tone up the glutes while strut-ting your stuff at the same time. Also, Twinkle Toes are a comfy pair of sneakers for any girly girl out there. Cause who doesn’t want their toes to be the focus of their outfit? Not to mention, Toms are a popu-lar shoe that started for a great cause. No worries though; Skechers went ahead and to-tally blew off their idea with

their own line of “charitable” shoes called Bobs, so make sure to get a pair of those as soon as possible.

However, there are plenty more shoe options out there. Crocs are the clear choice for teens around the nation, with their ultra-flattering foot de-sign, and peculiar similarity to Legos. With fur-lined Crocs also on the market, these ba-bies are great for any season. In addition, they come at a cost of only $35, although they cost less than a dollar to

make. If furry Crocs aren’t enough

to keep your feet warm, take a trip back to the Wild West or maybe just the costume shop

to pick up a pair of cowboy boots. Perfect so that when your horse gallops on up to school, you can giddy up and ride it home.

On the other hand, if the weather permits sandals as an option, flip flops are every-

one’s favorite. This season, don’t just go with the stan-dard flip flops, pick up a pair of platform ones. The higher the heel the better, a straight up thick sole as you clunk around school is sure to get you noticed. For an extra tip, pair these flip flops (or any sandals) with nice, long socks

for match a made in heaven.As previously mentioned,

gauchos and ponchos are mak-ing quite the comeback (as if they ever died out). Gauchos are flowy pants that hit mid-calf and are made of stretchy material, and they are rap-idly becoming the new yoga pants. They sure are comfy; just make sure not to get them caught on anything around you because of the extensive flared pant-legs. Also of Span-ish influence, ponchos are similar to blankets. If your teachers yell at you for wear-ing a Snuggie to school, just stick your head in the slit and wrap the blanket like material of a warm poncho around your torso, and you’re good to go.

If you’re in a fashion lump, just go back to the elementary school days. If you look back and think “what was I think-ing?” then that’s the green light to go ahead and give that style another try.

Crocs, gauchos, and ponchos will be seen by everyone around

town.

By Rachel Brosman

Fashion update: Blast from the past

Pop stars turn to rap With the recent success of

his last album, super celebrity and pop star Justin Bieber has some new ideas for the future.

In a recent interview with MTV, Bieber gave hints about some upcoming plans. “I’d re-ally like to take influence from some legendary rap artists, like 2 Chainz or Lil Wayne”, Bieber says. “Leaving behind my amazing pop image might be hard, but I’m really look-ing forward to some collabo-rations I’ll be able to make. Who knows what will come of it! Maybe more world tours and merchandise.”

Rumors about a rap group featuring the members of popular boy band One Direc-tion have also surfaced. The band makes no comment on the news, yet do not deny anything. With the new look of the hip-hop industry and the tiresome lyrics about “go-ing to the beach”, and “being young”, rap is looking like a brand new horizon for many artists, old and new. Many artists were taken aback by the recent trend, but others were happy to do whatever they could to maintain their celebrity status.

Taylor Swift and legend-ary rapper Pitbull are plan-ning on a duet that should be released in late June, perfect

for fun summer nights. In an interview, T-Swift gave the lowdown on the new single. “It should be a lot of me sing-ing about ex boyfriends, Pit-bull mumbling some things really quickly, and then say-ing ‘dale’ multiple times. I cried more than once during the writing process. The lyr-ics are very touching and dif-ferent from what either of us

have worked on before, so it should be an interesting expe-rience for the listener, and for Pitbull and I!”

Change is always good, especially when delivered in gold chains. The rap indus-try is looking like an amazing opportunity for many artists, and the radio can’t wait to see what’s coming next!

Jeff Siner/Char-lotte Observer/MCT

Justin Bieber plans to release rap album and move away from hip hop.

Taylor Swift plans to team up with Pitbull for her new album, Blue, in stores in late June. Allen J. Schaben/Los Angeles Times/MCT and Pedro Portal/El Nuevo Herald/MCT

Ponchos are coming back in style. Joe Fudge/ Newport News Daily Press/ MCT

Crocs, shown above, are replacing Uggs and mocca-sins as spring nears due to their water-proof quality and lightness.Joanne Ho-Young Lee/San Jose Mercury News/MCT

Hannah Montana, whether you love her or hate her, it doesn’t change the fact that she is making her comeback under the name Hannah Loui-siana. After her recent ex-treme haircut, she realized she can still get the publicity and decided it was time to get back in to the music business. After coming to this realization, she dyed her hair green and blue to make a bigger statement.

Although Ms. Louisiana wouldn’t speak to us person-ally, her manager, Billy Ray Louisiana, shared a few words with us. When asked at what point her first new song will come out, Mr. Louisiana told us “Well… she a… hasn’t really made a song yet, if ya know what I mean, but she will soon.” A confused re-porter then asked how she plans on performing a con-cert in May at the Appleton PAC if she doesn’t have any songs out yet. It was at this

point that Mr. Louisiana brings a close to the interview. So far, Hannah Louisiana’s concert “The Best of Three Worlds,” is almost completely sold out. So if you want tickets to this show, you had better get them soon.

By Joey Jandacek

Hannah Louisiana coming to the PAC

David Miller/Abaca Press/MCT

Hannah Montana will be making her return as Hannah Louisiana.

SPORTS Appleton, Wisconsin April 2013 Vol. XVIII Issue VII Page 11

Meet the athletes of the month

Junior Parker Witt-Video Games

Junior Kourtney Liebe- Shopping

1. When did you begin playing video games?I began playing video games around the 3rd grade when I got a Gamecube for Christmas.2. What is the weird-est thing that ever hap-pened while playing video games?Most people don’t believe me but I was in a Call of Duty game with Dane Cook.3. What is your favorite memory of playing video games? My favorite memory is playing Super Monkey Ball and Luigi’s Mansion

with my brother.4. Why should North stu-dents play video games with you?Everything is more fun with more people.5. Will you continue play-ing video games after high school?Yeah, I will probably al-ways love playing video games, especially FIFA.

1. When did you start shopping?My dad took me shopping with him three days after I was born.2. What is your favorite thing that you ever bought at the mall?My favorite thing ever was the very first pair of heels I bought. They were only an inch tall but I thought I was so cool.3. What is the weirdest thing that has ever hap-pened to you while shop-ping?I was checking out and this guy behind me thought I was cute and paid for me. It was awesome, but weird.

4. Why should a North students join you when you shop?They shouldn’t. 5. Do you plan on continu-ing to shopping after high school?I definitely plan on continu-ing to shop. It has become a part of my life now. Also, style doesn’t stop at high school, it’s a life long thing.

Budget cuts strike North footballBy Trent Beilke

have made this decision years ago!” The cut of the program saves the school district millions of dollars. Since all public employees’ wag-es are open to the public, we were able to find that the coaching salary alone

reached slightly over $6 million with head coach Rob Salm’s pay being $2.6 million a year. Another large portion of money is saved from cut-ting the program because the football team will no longer have to purchase ev-

ery player a new uniform before every game. When asked why it was necessary to buy new uniforms before every game, Rob Salm re-sponded, “You cannot play your best if you do not look your best.” However, this “look good, play good” philoso-phy hasn’t been working for North, who have looked completely uninteresting in scoring touchdowns be-cause it might mess up their clean jerseys. The North team hasn’t won a game in over 5 years. “Not every team can be the greatest but every team can look the greatest!”

said Rob Salm when asked about the team’s record. “We must instill the life lessons of good looks and personal hygiene into these young men.” The budget cuts are set to take effect next season with the 2013 football schedule already cancelled. There has been no indication of what will be done with all the football’s physical as-sets (pads, balls, practice field, stadium, and hot tubes) but the board mem-bers purposes either selling all of it at auction or just blowing all of it up to re-lieve the pain of watching 5 winless seasons.

Last Thursday the AASD Board of Trustees made their final revisions to the 2013-2014 budget. In this budget, the board had to cut $20 million. Its choices were either to cut Ferber Elementary School or to cut the under-performing Appleton North Football program. The final deci-sion was to cut the North Football program. This decision did not come as a surprise to many people. In fact, one board member was quoted, “Why did it take us so long to cut the program? We should

The North football team learns the news about its pro-gram being cut. Photo by Lenore Beilke

APPLY TODAY!www.marianuniversity.edu/apply

45 S. National Ave. l Fond du Lac, WI 54935 l 1-800-2-MARIANFounded 1936 • Sponsored by the Congregation of Sisters of St. Agnes

Inspiring your potential.

Attend Marian for undergraduate studies that will inspire you to achieve personal and professional success. Let us inspire you…so that you can inspire the world.

The cost of a North football player per gameHelmet: $1,530 Mouth Piece: $435

Shoulder Pads: $1,724

Football: $575

Towel: $179

Jersey: $1,189

Pants: $1,155

Leg Pads: $1,462

Socks: $290

Shoes: $760

Total= $9,299 per game

SPORTS Appleton, Wisconsin April 2013 Vol. XVIII Issue VII Page 12

The unheard story of Trevor CarliBy Miller Jozwiak

Volleyball receives blemish on their perfect yearBy Jeff Miller

Carli was heavily recruit-ed during his little league years. His playing abil-ity in the Appleton youth system was unmatched by any other. Senior recruit to Arkansas, Clark Eagan even admitted “Kids would shake in their cleats when playing Trevor.”

Carli was so good it caused some to question his incredible natural tal-ent. Stunned by Carli’s 101 MPH curve at the age of 12 the commissioner of Ap-pleton Little League Base-ball launched an investiga-tion to ensure Carli wasn’t doping. Unfortunately on June 12

2007, Carli tested positive for steroids and was given a six year ban from base-ball. The past six years have been dark for Trevor Carli but on June 12 of this year the clouds will finally lift for him when his ban is over. With knowledge that the ban will soon be lift-ed, Madison has agreed to guarantee Carli the ace pitching position next sea-son in Madison, a 75 per-cent scholarship, $5,000 cash a semester, and a brand new car. This deal may sound per-fect, but Carli was offered a six year $112 million dol-lar contract with the Chi-cago Cubs as well. When asked why he declined the deal Carli said, “I could never play on a team Jus-tus is a fan of.” Who knew we were blessed with such great baseball talent in the halls of Appleton North High?

Trevor has begun practicing for his return. He hopes the rust will rub off fast. Photos by Trent Beilke

Senior stand out Peter Dagliesh looks at his ring in disgust. Photo by Trent Beilke

After an undefeated state championship season, the Appleton North Lightning boy’s volleyball team re-ceived trophies and rings. These rings, crafted of pure gold and white dia-monds, took over 3 months to make. With such a long produc-tion time, all of the players couldn’t wait for their rings to come in. They were all

expecting perfection. Once they got them, all of the players were showing off their new bling, taking pic-tures, and uploading those pictures to their favorite so-cial media websites. That’s when Connor Gross noticed the typo, “Appleton North Lighting.” An honest mistake by the company turned into a huge deal for all of the players. “We are the Appleton North

Lightning, not an Appleton Lighting company. It is un-acceptable and I refuse to wear this ring,” said Clark Eagan. The feeling was mutual for the entire team. The company received com-plaints from all of the play-ers and coaches and agreed to send them their new rings. They are expecting their rings in the next few weeks.

TrenT Beilke

SportsStrike

What will life be like after North football Now that the North foot-ball program is finally cut, how will North differ with-out the sport? I decided to go around school asking that same question and here is what I found. “Without football, I won’t have to get peer pressured into going to watch a los-ing team playing a boring game. Now I will finally be able to go watch a good North team, like girls’ curl-ing,” said avid sports fan Miller Jozwiak. “Ahhhhh…” mumbled former football player Saw-

yer Schultz. “Yes, football was a fun to play sometimes, especial-ly when I received my new uniform before every game.

But this will actually give me the proper time to hang out with all my girls now,” said senior ex-football play-er Troy Vande Voort. “I’m really not going to miss it that much,” said coach Rob Salm. “Without football I can finally get the cast that I have always dreamed about to put on The Lion King,” exclaimed an excited Mr. Parker. “Now that I don’t have to focus on next year’s foot-ball season I can now devote my time to my real passion:

ballet. I can perfect my five positions,” Squealed next year’s captain Mark Gajew-ski. “The North football team is really getting cut? Does that mean I wouldn’t be forced into buying one of those stupid coupon cards again?” expressed a local man. “I have 10 boys a day coming up to my door and trying to sell me those things.” The only people that I could find that were sad that the North team won’t be playing anymore were its

opponents. “They were the one team where our fresh-man and eighth graders could get some varsity play-ing time. That game was a great break in the season and it boosted our record. That game will be sorely missed.” sobbed Oshkosh North’s football coach. Now, I don’t want to say that North will be bet-ter without its football pro-gram next year, but there is no evidence to say that it is worse. I guess only time will tell now, we will see how it is next year.

When you think of Mark Gajewski you think foot-ball, when you think of Connor Gross you think of volleyball, and when you think of Mike Lukas you think of basketball. But when 6’1” Senior Trevor Carli comes to mind, base-ball should always be at-tached. Earlier this month Carli secured a 75 percent base-ball scholarship to Univer-sity of Wisconsin Madison. Madison boasts no small baseball program. Its team is among the best in the nation winning the Big 10 conference the last four seasons. Some of you may be thinking, “Wait, Trev-or doesn’t even play for North, does he?” That is correct, Carli hasn’t played baseball since the age of 12; that is what makes this young man’s story so stu-pefying.

“Kids would shake in their cleats when play-

ing Trevor.”-Clark Eagan