The Big Book of Enjolras

8/11/2019 The Big Book of Enjolras

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The Big Book Of Enjolras

By Enjolras

Published by Enjolras in Paris, France.

Copyright 1832 Enjolras

Twitter: @Let_Others_Rise and @mr_Enjolras


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Contents!

Chapter 1: Who am I? 3

Chapter 2: The June Rebellion according to Enjolras. 5Chapter 3: Fun Facts about me.. 18Chapter 4: Revolutionary Tips ... 21Chapter 5 My Favourite pictures ... 24Chapter 6 The Les Amis de lAbc ... 25Chapter 7 Frequently asked questions .. 28Chapter 8 The friendship agreement .. 29


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Chapter 1: Who am I?

Hello citizens.

My name is Enjolras and I am a 22-year-old law

student living in Paris, France. I was born in 1810 to

a wealthy family on the outskirt of the city of Paris.

I, myself, am a republican who has been largelyinspired by Robespierre and the Montagnards, a

political party during the last French Revolution with

a strong desire to abolish the monarchy. I have a deep

admiration for both Robespierre and Rousseau. I fight

for the end of all tyranny, whether it be from a king of

an emperor, and I believe that the people themselves

should have uncontested power over their country

and how it is rule. When dictatorship is a fact,revolution becomes a right.

I truly love liberty, and have done since a young age.

As a child, I would often use my mothers new red

curtains to make flags and the dining furniture to

make barricades.

After my mother sadly passed away, I ran away from

my childhood home to the center of Paris in order topursue my studies in law. It was here where I started

to realize more and more, just how bad the oppression

and injustice was.

On a day-to-day basis, people are thrown into jail for

having different political views from those who abuse

their power or for trying to make this world a better

place. What does freedom and equality mean in a


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country which only grants freedom to those who can

afford it, where the rich rule the poor? We need more

lower class empowerment and less upper class

privileges.

After moving to Paris, I started a secret society of

like-minded students called the Friends of the ABC.

We began to meet most evenings in the Caf Musain, a

small caf on the Place Saint-Michel.

The caf had a secret back room, with a private

stairway to enter and exit. Here, we discuss topics

regarding Patria and her peoples wellbeing and plan

to kindle the flames of Parisian laborers and rally

their support of a republic for France.

Yours sincerely,

Enjolras.


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Chapter 2: The June

Rebellion according toEnjolras

The story starts in 1815, 16 years after the end of the

French Revolution, when Cosettes soon-to-be hot papa,

Valjean was released from his 19 years imprisonment forstealing bread and trying to escape, by the inspector

Javert. Who doesnt love a man in uniform right?

Valjean then goes to a priests house, and tries to steal his

candlesticks. (This is not an innuendo unfortunately; he

really does try to steal candlesticks.) Anyway, blah blah

blah, he becomes an even hotter papa and people start to

call him Monsieur Madeleine and for some reason nobody

recognizes him until Javert comes to say hi with his new

hat and recognizes him by his super strength and calls

him 24601 something like that? (I dont know The guy


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seems to have so many names and then theres me who

doesnt even have a first name. Thanks Hugo.)

Meanwhile, a woman called Fantine is fired from her job

at the factory because its discovered she has a daughter

(Which turns out to be Cosette No seriously Cosettestagline should be Ruining Lives Since 1823)


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As it turns out, Fantine had left Cosette in the care of

some shifty innkeepers called the Thnardiers and has to

send them money. Because she loses her job, she has

some financial issues and is forced to sell her hair, teeth

and body. Javert decides she looks suspicious and soarrests her, but luckily Valjean with his super strength

comes to the rescue again and demands for her freedom

and then admits he is in fact, the criminal, 24601. (Like

no one could see that coming)

Unsurprisingly, Fantine later dies of an unspecified

disease (I bet 50 francs it was an STD but whatever.) but

not before Valjean promises her that hell be the new hot

papa to her daughter.

So Valjean goes on his heroic quest to find Cosette. He

finds Cosette in the woods, and clearly the Thnardiers

never taught Cosette the importance of not speaking to

strangers, but it takes her less than 5 minutes to agree to

letting Valjean be her hot papa.

It all seems like the stories going well (kind of likeMatilda where the poor child gets adopted by the nice hot


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parent) besides the part where Fantine died of an STD of

course.

However, Javert decides hes going to pay Valjean

another visit but he manages to make a speedy getaway

with Cosette.

This now is where I come in. The year was 1832 and I,

Enjolras (The main character of this story despite

whatever anyone else says) was living in Paris with my

friends, planning the next rebellion against the monarchy

in France. The time was near, so near, it was stirring the

blood in our veins. Lamarque was ill, which meant our

barricade would soon arise. We formed a secret club

called the Friends of the ABC.

However, unfortunately, some members of the club

decided they wanted to hamper my efforts for Patria. One

of these people was the resident drunkard, Grantaire. His

wine bottle hardly left his hand along with his constant

intoxication, making him good for nothing. Along with

him comes Pontmercy, who despite his efforts to help the

cause, he terrorized many, including myself with the

horrors of his hopeless attempt of a love life. WhenCourfeyrac first brought him to the Musain, he told me


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how he thought Napoleon was a wonderful man (Um?)

and that Corsica made France great. (First of all, how

dare he?)

After a rally one day, whilst Marius is hanging out withthe Thnardiers daughter, Eponine (Who did I mention is

undeniably in love with Marius) he sees Cosette, who is

now so bourgeoisie she wears ridiculous hats, and he

immediately falls in love with her. What a nerd. She falls

in love with him back, and so he decides that the best

course of action is to start stalking her. Maybe I stress

that at this point he does not even know her name. He

interrupts my meeting on multiple occasions, telling us

tales of her until eventually, they talk face to face and

decides that theyre going to get married. Dumb idea.

One day, Valjean is snooping through Cosettes things, like

hot papas do, and finds a love letter the nerd wrote to his

daughter and so panics and tells Cosette theyre leaving

for England immediately. Or something like that anyway,

I dont really care about Mariuss lonely soul so I dont

really know what was going on at this point.


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More importantly, meanwhile, Lamarque dies and so we

decide to crash the old mans funeral and ride on top of his

wagon before running through the streets like man men

and building a barricade, whilst managing to sing at the

same time. Multitasking.

Thats a damn good barricade, huh?


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Javert now decides that he has been absent from the

story for too long and so comes back again, with yet

another hat. Because of his fancy new headwear, nobody

recognizes him as the inspector, so we let him spy for us

until, Gavroche kindly informs us he knew the man. He

went wild, kicking, punching and thrashing. A hard blowto my jaw got him nothing more than an even harder

blow to his head using a metal pole, causing him to pass

out. We tied him up in the back room of the Musain, but

the National Guard attacks us earlier than expected.


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Some creepy old guy then turned up, asking permission

to kill the prisoner, so we gave him a gun and it turns out,

he let him go instead?!??!! Like what the hell can you not

trust anyone these days?

The boys then started sombrely passing a wine bottle

around in a grim manner singing, "Drink With Me." I wassure not to actually drink with them, but I still sang

along, but all these feelings are really ruining my

reputation of being cold hearted. Of course it was

Grantaire who started the song, he was obviously just

looking for an excuse to get some final alcohol in him

before he died.


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Half way through the song, however, Pontmercy rudely

went off from the rest of the group and began singing

about Colette. (What happened to mates before dates

Marius)?

Considering we are all about to die, I find it a little

offensive that he is more concerned about some chick he

doesn't even know. How do you fall in love with someone

in a day anyway?

Soon the boys drifted off to sleep, and none were awake

except for the creepy old man and me. He started

watching Marius as he slept; I left when he started

singing to him, with his hand too close to Mariuss crotch

than was comfortable.

It turns out this creepy (yet hot) old guy was Valjean

again; who for some unknown reason had decided it

would be a good idea to let Cosette marry her stalker.

I left to go check the other barricades, and it was then

that I would discover the horrible truth. The people had

not stirred. The next morning, we all woke up to find the

gunpowder was wet through because someone (mymoney is on Marius) left it out in the rain! So not only


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were we the only barricade left, but we also were low on

ammunition. Gavroche jumped over the barricade to

collect more gunpowder and was consequently shot, and

then one of the guards with a weird moustache told me

that our revolution had no chance and so we should juststop? Well let me tell you, there was no way in hell I was

giving up now.


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This turned out to be the wrong decision, as then all my

friends died and I ended up backed into a corner, against

the window, holding Grantaires hand before being shot 8

times in the chest.


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Chapter 3: Fun facts about

meFact 1 Patria is forever the most important priority

above all other things. It is my honorable and devoted

duty to serve her as one of her citizens and forever

protect her from abusive tyrannical grasps. She is my

mistress and motherland, the only woman I could everlove. (Except mother)

Fact 2 I believe monarchy is an outdated concept and

brings nothing good or worthwhile to France.

Fact 3 I am willing to give my life for Patria and my

ideals. There is only one choice, liberty or death. I would

rather die fighting for liberty and equality than live to

watch people starve and allow a ruler to abuse his power.In the words of Joan of Arc, One life is all we have and

we live it as we believe in living it. But to sacrifice what

you are and to live without belief, that is a fate more

terrible than dying.

Fact 4 If I fall alongside my friends, I fall. That is the

time to let others rise to take our place, until the earth is

free. (Unless God resurrects us, in which case we fight

again)

Fact 5 I only work in red, and sometimes very dark

orange.

Fact 6 My hair is precious to me. Almost as important

as Patria.

Fact 7 I dont believe in love at first sight, however, I dobelieve in hate at first sight.


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Fact 8 An Enjolras turned to crime is called a Criminal.

Just kidding, an Enjolras would never turn to crime.

Fact 9 I have a deep fear for glass wine bottles.

(GRANTAIRE PUT THAT BOTTLE DOWN!)

Fact 10 We have a strong dislike for drunkards,

particularly ones who dress in green.

Fact 11 Im not an overly big fan of windows.

Fact 12 I dont like physical contact with other humans.

The humidity from the other persons body causes my

curls to frizz.

Fact 13 - Im not like a regular revolutionary. Im a cool

revolutionary.

Fact 14 Im not allowed to play Jenga anymore because

I always get out of hand.

Fact 15 The volume of my hair is almost equal to thevolume of the Earth.

Fact 16 The average amount of hot air than I expel

during my speech is enough to heat a cup of coffee.

Fact 17 - All babies are born without hair and hair does

not appear until after an Enjolras permits it

Fact 18 - Unlike popular belief, I am not constantly

offended, sometimes I am asleep

Fact 19 I used to have a twin brother named Sarlojne.

But I ate him and absorbed his revolutionary powers.

Fact 20 - Im secretly really ticklish

Fact 21 I do NOT wear a wig or dye my hair. Theundeniable beauty of my hair is 100% natural.


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Fact 22 I prefer all things in red.

Fact 23 An Enjolras never gets jealous. Unless someone

has a bigger barricade than them.

Fact 24 Despite rumors, the ABC in Les Amis de lABC

actually stands for Awesome Barricade Club, not

Abaisss. That is just really depressing.

Fact 25 Our red coat is our most prized possession

Fact 26 I am incapable of growing facial hair due to my

17-year-old-girl complexion

Fact 27 If you say Liberty three times in front of a

mirror, I will appear to you and inform you about the

importance of liberty and equality.

Fact 28 - Im banned from Ikea for obvious reasons.

Fact 29 - To kill me would make you feel as if you were

shooting a flower. Thanks Hugo.


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Chapter 4: Revolution Tips

Seeing as I myself am a revolutionary, I thought it was

only fair of me to share some of my revolutionary tips

with you, in case you yourself wish to start your own

revolution.

Tip 1 When rebelling against a tyrannical rule, you need

to accept the fact that nobody cares about your lonely

soul and do what is best for the people. We strive towardsa much larger goal than just happiness in own our

personal lives. Do not let a false idea of love get in the way

of the cause. Our dear friend Marius Pontmercy has

helped teach that.

Tip 2 There is a fine line between love for Patria and

love for another person. NEVER confuse them. Only to

love Patria is to love the face of God.

Tip 3 In the case of a jewelry burglary, ALWAYS give

Courfeyrac the watch.

Tip 4 Dont trust elderly men volunteers who wear

weird hats.

Tip 5 In fact, dont trust any volunteers. Chances are,

they will be a spy.

Tip 6 Always hand the spies over to the hot mature men

whose first names are almost the same as their

surnames.

Tip 7 Dont be late. Punctuality is key to keeping an

overall good mood.

Tip 8 Dont let anyone tell you your hair isnt fabulous.


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Tip 9 Do you hear the people sing? If you dont, I suggest

you go and buy yourself a hearing aid.

Tip 10- Dont ever let the national guardsmen with the

weird moustache tell you that you have no chance.

Tip 11 Never use Patrias name in vain

Tip 12 Dont let the resident cynical drunk go around

telling everyone theyre going to die.

Tip 13 - Always ask your parents before building a

barricade or making a flag out of your mothers new

fancy red curtains.

Tip 14 If you ever find yourself in a difficult situation,

think to yourself What would Marius Pontmercy do and

then do NOT do that under any circumstance

Tip 15 Keep all Thenardier children on the correct side

of the barricade at all times.

Tip 16 When trying to imitate my godly hair, rollers

work better than a curling iron.

Tip 17 Dont tell Marius to finish off the barricade by

putting the last few chairs and tables on it, because he

WILL forget.

Tip 18 Dont try any form of flirting with us, as it will

not be reciprocated and you will end up with a severe

nosebleed.

Tip 19 Do NOT under any circumstance, give Marius

Pontmercy a torch.

Tip 20 Try not to allow yourself to get cornered by the

enemy against a window,


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Tip 21 - Revolution fact: citizens who do not rise are

highly frowned upon; don't be one of them

Tip 22 Do not let your relationship issues affect your

revolution.

Tip 23 There is no cant in republiCAN.

Remember citizens, rebel responsibly. Drunk

and ignorant revolutionaries are dead

revolutionaries.


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Chapter 5: My Favourite

pictures.


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Chapter 6: The Les Amis

de l#ABCMarius: A fishy rich young boy who pretends to be poor

and is deluded by love and his own lonely desires.

Grantaire: The drunken mess who doesn't believe in

anything.

Combeferre: My guide. Perhaps the only man out of thegroup I actually trust.


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Courfeyrac: The center. Go to him if you need personal

advice.

Jehan: A gentle soul who is pleasured with poetry and art

yet supports the cause.

Joly: A medical student who is scared of anythingmedical and anything that is not medical.

Bossuet: That bold guy who wears a wig and falls over all

the time


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Bahorel: Bold and brash. Tries to match my fashion with

daring waistcoats and he thrives on conflict.

Feuilly: Likes Poland more than France maybe???

Gavroche: A young street urchin who is perhaps bravest

of us all.


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Chapter 7: Frequently asked

questionsFull name: I can make up life changing speeches off thetop of my head in less than a minute Enjolras.

Favourite Colour: Red. (Closely followed by red. Closely

followed by blue. Closely followed by white.)

Favourite Food: Barricake

Favourite Song: The song of angry men.

Favourite Place: Outside Lamarques house or the Musain.

Favourite Book: General Lamarques Autobiography

Favourite Day: 5thJune

Least Favourite Day: 6thJune

Things I like most:

, Liberty

, Freedom

, Red Things

, France

Things I like least:, Monarchy

, Oppression

, Rich young boys who think theyre in

love

, People who are indifferent to politics

, People who are late

,

Hobbies: Building barricades, rallying the people, having

revolutions


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Chapter 8: The friendship

agreementIf you wish to be my friend, you must comply with these

friendship rules.

1.You will help Enjolras plan the rebellion and destroy the

monarchy.

2.

Enjolras can call for emergency meetings, whenever Ifeel the need and you must be present.

3.Our flag is the French tricolor flag or the red

revolutionary flag.

4.If you obtain superpowers, you are to name Enjolras asyour sidekick.

5.

You will take Enjolras as your plus one to dinner atGeneral Lamarques house, should you ever be invited.

6.You have the option of nullifying the friendship

agreement, however this would result in the

termination of the friendship.

7.You must not sit in Enjolrass spot in the Musain. This

is the table in the corner with the clear view of the world

being reborn. Pick another empty table. (Marius, I knowI said empty table. Please dont cry on your friendshipagreement)

8.You must notify Enjolras at least 12 hours in advance if

you wish to bring a female to the Musain.

9.Enjolras settles all ties.

10. Any changes in furnishings of the Musain must beapproved by the furnishing committee (who is Enjolras)


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Documents

The Big Book of Enjolras