The Comp Science Boys

7/31/2019 The Comp Science Boys

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The Comp Science Boys


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For my Computer Science class, 2011

Copyright Daniel Nguyen 2011

Although the characters may be real the following events are (almost) entirely fictitious. Namechanges have been made for political reasons.


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Act One

Classroom

Spedding walks into the room; he is dressed in hiking gear. The boys follow him rushing onto the

stage and taking seats.

Munns: Ah Mr Spedding. Back from your latest exploits.

Spedding: Indeed Munns.

Browne: Which faraway land was it this time?

Spedding: The coffee shop My car broke down and the last thing I would do is get on thatdreadful system they call public transport.

(He removes his backpack and sunglasses)Right then, lets get started. Youre assignments were quite good however I had one problem.(Handing back assignments) dull.Dull.Abysmally dull.Ah, a triumph Munns The dullest of the lot.

Munns: But I wrote 50 pages.

Spedding: Exactly Munns, my point exactly. Curtin will offer you a glorious place, a nursingdegree at Murdoch is calling for you.

But I am from the Computer Science faculty at UWA and I have just read eight novels of flowing nonsense. You might as well get an arts degree, buy a Mac and be happy.

(Hugo walks in)

Spedding: Oh no, not now Hugo, get out!

Hugo: But my thumb drive-

Spedding: Hit that boy!

(Everyone rushes towards the door to hit Hugo)

Staffroom

Spedding: Browne came to see me yesterday. He had a problem.

Ms Lim: They still get problems in year 12?


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Browne: Sir, I think I may want to kill Munns

Spedding: I should have said you cant kill people yet.

Browne: Hes a narcissist.

Spedding: Does Munns know?

Browne: Yes. Its all quite silly. But h e does nt find it too surprising.(Play montage of each boy saying why they want to kill Munns hypothetically)

Spedding: I symapathised, though not to suggest I was in the same boat.

Ms Lim: With Munns?

Spedding: A few of them actually.

Browne: Is it a phase sir?

Spedding: Yes, we all go through it. It will pass.

Browne: Im single. Im small. I support West Coast.And I live in Kwinana .Im fucked.

Spedding (To Ms Lim): Hes a smart boy, Browne, the only reason why hes so good at thecourse is bec ause hes trying is to beat Munns. But then again, why else would you be trying?

Ms Lim: It seems too competitive. Theyre turning against each other. They need more unity. Isnt there something else which they can focus on trying for?

Spedding: Yes , your right. But we just havent found that thing.

Ms Lim: Did you talk about anything else?

Spedding: No. No, nothing.

Headmaster s study

Headmaster: Ah, Mr. Nguyen, I believe you made it as the top computer science student lastyear. Quite a nice achievement.

Nguyen: Yes erm, Thank you, Mr Hill.


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Headmaster: So, I hear you want to go to UWA?

Nguyen: Oh no sir, high expectations. Seems like I must get into UWA.

Headmaster: Yes, indeed. But, well you see, I was an average student. I studied German cinema.Im happy. I went to Edith Cowan.

Nguyen: Oh. Fail.

Headmaster: Everyone says that Edith Cowan, oh, fail. And theyre absolutely right. It was areal shithole.

Nguyen: Too right.

Headmaster: But only the best go to UWA. Are you the best Mr Nguyen?

Nguyen: No, no, everyone is really in their own way. I ts seems very competitive. Armin knowshis stuff, Dan Sia s doing very well, Mitch Browne is motivated A nd Munns is just Munnswith 50 page assignments and all. Its anyones game Ill say .

Headmaster: Ah y es, Munns. Hes the pin up boy for the course isn t he?

Nguyen: Um w ell, Im not sure pin-up is the ri ght choice of expression.

(Pause)

Headmaster: Hm. So how is Spedding? Teaching you well?

Nguyen: Erm, yes sir. Fine I suppose.

Headmaster: Why does he lock the door?

Nguyen: Normally to keep Hugo out Or Keayn . They want to do comp sci too you see.

Headmaster: Well the bad news for you is Im afraid his contract is long overdue.

Nguyen: Im s orry sir?

Headmaster: Spedding; he was supposed to be transferred to another school a long time ago.However weve kept him here because I b elieve his teaching might guarantee us success. Youboys are the best batch weve had. Do you know which school topped comp science last year?

Nguyen: Uh, no I dont.

Headmas ter: PLC! A bloody girls school! And you know what, they want Spedding now!


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Nguyen: What? Really? PLC? But t hats well thats preposterous!

Headmaster: Exactly my point. However I have a plan Mr. Nguyen, an ingenious one!

(Moment of silence before headmaster realises Nguyen wants to hear the plan)

We will pretend Spedding is taking long service leave however rest assured, he will still beteaching you. As cover though, in case the department does an inspection, someone hasvolunteered to act as the fake computer science teacher.

Nguyen: Fake? You mean they dont know anything about computer science?

Headmaster: Not a single thing, but we could only find one man. His name is Petrovski Doctor Mikhail Petrovski.

Nguyen: Petrovski That name sound vaguely familiar Oh no.Canteen line

Ferri: Hows your girlfriend Munns?

Munns: Which one?

Ferri: I dont know, that one whos always spamming your Facebook wall.

Munns: Ah yes, Rainforest-

Hartley: What? Who?

Ferri: She wants to be mysterious .

Hartley: Ive heard of strange code names but thats pretty fucking ridiculous.

(Nguyen runs into the line)

Ferri: (Mockingly) Back of the line Mr. Nguyen.

Nguyen: (Breathless) Boys, they want Spedding replaced.

Munns: What? By who?

Nguyen: Hell sti ll be our teacher but Dr Petrovski is going to pretend as cover.

Ferri: Petrovski? As in Perry s dad?


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Nguyen: Yes, him. H es going to pretend to be our teacher for a term. In case the inspectorsspring a spot check.

Hartley: Does he know anything about computers?

Nguyen: I dont thin k so. They won t have good computers where hes from.

Munns: But shit, with our exams comin g up hell just be a nother bloody liability. Hell get inSpedding s way.

Ferri: Im sure hell be a bit of fun.

Classroom

Spedding: Now then, weve got some spare time lets play a game. Who can speak binary here?

Browne: Yes! Or should I say, 01011

Armin: Hey Munns, 01011110011

Munns: Watch it.

Sia: 1100110101000110011101

Browne: 1011110000110011

Hartley: 1002166122

Spedding: Remember, binary and not hexicode Hartley.

Nguyen: Ill say , 11100110011101011

Spedding: Thats more like it.

Munns: 100010101001101, take that Ferri

Ferri: 010100101100010100011101011

Munns: What?

Ferri: 010100101100010100011101011,

Nevill: A whorehouse basically.

Munns: A tad inappropriate wouldnt you say?


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Spedding: Yes, one should say . But please, lets talk 01000101

Browne: 01001001

Munns: This is a silly game!

Spedding: 01000101!

Munns: Yes sir, 100110.

Armin: Alright everyone, Ha! Look at me! Im Munns. 0100010110

(Armin pulls down his pants)

Nevill: Oh god, I wish I could unsee this.

Spedding: For the last time everyone, speak binary!

(Headmaster enters)

Headmaster: What in the world?

Spedding: Binary! Ah, headmaster.

Headmaster: Why is this man not wearing any pants?

(Boys pause momentarily)

Munns: Armin? Well you see-

Browne: Were acting out Y2K.

Nguyen: Yeah, the worlds ending!

Rawle: The computers are on fire!

Ferri: Armins pants are on fire!

Nevill: ANARCHY!!

(Hartley roles around on the floor)

Headmaster: Alright, please. Just, just settle down you lot.

(He steps aside) Everyone, I would like you to meet Mr. Petrovski-


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Petrovski: Ah, Doctor actually.

Spedding: (Arms folded) Yes, this is Dr Petrovski. As you now probably know, hes going topretend to be your teacher because I shouldnt be here.

Armin: (Pulling his pants back up) Wait, you got fired Mr Spedding?

Spedding: No you ignorant twit, my contract expired.

Armin: Why didnt anyone tell me?

Ferri: Because youre Armin.

Headmaster: Anyway, for today he will be familiarising himself with you boys. Good luck Petrovski. You have the rest of the lesson to get to know them. Will you be staying Spedding?

Spedding: Actually, if youll excuse me I need a coffee.

(Spedding and the Headmaster walk out followed by an awkward silence)

Munns: Well g od, were wasting time already.

Petrovski: So my name is Doctor Petrovski. I am a research professor at the university.

Rawle: Question. Can you like, drop the accent?

Petrovski: I am from America. I thought you knew. You dont have sufficient knowledge tounderstand that? You are not geographically sound?

Armin: Oh no sir, I think that was a joke.

Petrovski : Im sorry, I havent heard that one.

Nevill: So what do you research Mr. Petrovski?

Petrovski: Doctor.

Nevill: Yes. Right.

Petrovski: I research forests.

Ferri: Hey, so does Munns.

Petrovski: Oh yes?

Ferri: Munns loves rainforests.


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Munns: No Devid.

Petrovski : Ah, they are fascinating aren t they? Full of wonders and awe when you enter deepinside them.

(Ferri and a few others laugh)

Petrovski: Was that also a Western joke?

Ferri: No d ont worry. Go on.

Petrovski: The best time to go into the rainforest is at night. It is asleep at that time, much morepeaceful It is not the noisy panic it is in the daytime.

Rawle: Munns would know eh?

Petrovski: Oh and the most important thing to remember when you go into the rainforest is towear protection. It is a very unpredictable environment.

(Everyone begins to laugh)

Ferri: Hear that Munns?

Munns: (Muttering under his breath) Not cool guys... not cool.

DanRav: Classic.

Schoolyard

Nguyen: Im beginning to dislike him more and more.

Nevill: Who? Me?

Nguyen: No, no you idiot. Petrovski.

Nevill: Ah, and whys that?

Nguyen: Hes been asking me strange questions. Where do you live? What movies do you like towatch? What interests you?

Nevill: Sounds like pedophilia.

Nguyen: A fair hypothesis. But n o, dont you see? All these questions arent relevant to him.Hes collecting personal information. To pass onto so meone else. To be blunt Nevill, he seemslike a spy.


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Ne vill: Oh Dan, youve been watching way too much classic Bond. Not every person with aRussian name is a spy.

Browne: Actually he poses a good point. Petrovski has been asking me some random questions

too. He asked me for my home phone number. I mean, what does that have to do with teaching?

Nguyen: Pretending to teach.

Browne: Perhaps he wants to tap our phone lines.

Nguyen: Yes, good one. Surveillance.

Nevill: Were not in the 1950s!

Nguyen: Yes but why would he volunteer for this job then? It s totally out of his field. Cant he

be content with whatever hes researching

Browne: Forests?

Nguyen: Exactly. Ill be getting to the bottom of this.

Classroom

Spedding: Alright listen up everyone. Last point I want to make. Our semester one exams will bein a few weeks now. Several questions that examiners will certainly ask will regard yourunderstanding of processor evolution.

Petrovski: Oh, sounds awfully complicated.

Spedding: I didnt ask for your opinion Petrovski, listen and dont tal k or keep reading yourbook. Now then, at the time of AMDs Phenon X4, finally a quad -core, there were alreadyfourteen established processors of Intel.

Ferri: Oh, d ont think were shocked by your mention of the Intel chip, sir.

Nevill: Most of us even have them sir.

Browne: Not Tom though, sir. He likes to be different when it comes to computers. Its one of the several things Tom doesnt have.

(McElhinney walks past the classroom and says fuck off.)

Browne: That s not unethical is it sir?


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Spedding : Its related. I mean, whoever has an Intel chip cant technically feel smarter and itdoesnt mean theyre socially superior. But on a more important note, its lunchtime!

Canteen

Ferri: R eady for the ball Munns? Its coming up quite soon.

Munns: I sure am.

Ferri: Who are you taking?

Munns: I dont know Maybe all five of them.

Armin: Ah h ells yeah Munns. Thats my boy.

Ferri: Haha, you good old kid Munns! But wont Rainforest feel left out?

Armin: Nah, shes got Petrovski doing some research on her for the night. How about youMitch? Any ideas?

Browne: Um nope. Sorry guys.

Ferri: Hmm, m aybe she starts with an M.

Munns: Oooh, who is it? Cough up now. Play the game.

Ferri: I No one? L?

Armin: Millman?

Ferri: No, dirty Ar min. Were not going there again E anyone?

Munns: Ah, Miley Nice.

Ferri: Out of your league Munns?

Munns: Nothing is out of my league.

Browne: I dont know, were just good friends I really dont know if I can ask her.

Armin: Screw that shit man, did Bill Gates hesitate to take down DOS? Nah man, he wentstraight for it. Even if it looked like he was going to lose. But see what happened in the end?

Ferri: Youre not going to lose Mitch, youre a nice guy. I mean, if I were a chick Id trust y ouover this guy right here.


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Munns: Hey! Ive got five.

Hartley: Four too many Munns.

Armin: Holy shit, howd you get here ?

Hartley: Its called n inja.

Browne: You know what guys? Y oure absolutely right. Ive been putting it off way too long.Its time I beat Munns at this game. The next time I see her Im going to just go for it .

Ferri: Haha! Now t hats the spirit!

Schoolyard, Dr Petrovski is sitting on a bench next to Miley. Nguyen and Nevill are standing at adistance away from them.

Nguyen: I was in the schoolyard when I saw him. He was supposedly doing lunchtime dutybut it looked far from it.Take a look at Petrovski, over there Nevill.

Nevill: Ah yeah, there he is.

Nguyen: Chatting to Miley now I see. H es out of control.

Nevill: What do you think hes talking about?

Nguyen: Oh I dont know, p robably fashion and Justin Bieber. What do you think Nevill? Doeshe look like the school yard fag? Hes probably trying to grab some information from her.Interrogation.

Nevill: They could be talking about the weather, Dan.

Nguyen: Poor girl Look at her, forced to laugh at his jokes.

Spedding: What are you two doing now?

Nguyen: Er m Mr Spedding, sir.

Spedding: Ah yes, observing Petrovski I see Strange, I rarely see h im talking to females otherthan his wife nowadays.

Nevill: You know him personally sir?

Spedding: I went to university with him. I thought you would have gathered that in yoursurveillance Mr. Nguyen.


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Nguyen: Oh, which one?

Spedding: Harvard in the United States. I was a Brit studying computer science. It seemed to bethe trend in the 1980s. Petrovski was from Ukraine. He was doing a doctorate in erm -

Nevill: Forestry?

Spedding: Yes thats it, forestry. Whoever needs that nonsense.

Nguyen: So did you two get along well?

Spedding: Not exactly. He was a bit of a lout if I remember correctly. Always wanted to havepower over everyone else. Rather uncontrollable on campus. Especially with women.

Nguyen: Well it appears h e hasnt changed since .

Spedding: God knows how both of us ended up here together in this god-forsaken place.

Nevill: Shenton College?

Spedding: Perth in general.

Nguyen: But why would a research professor of forests, want to teach here? Isnt it a bit oddhes follo wed you all the way here?

Spedding: Hes p retending to teach mind you. And i ts no coincident. The man wants to succeedme in whatever I do, wherever I go. Thats why he got his doctorate.

Nevill: Some people just want to have everything sir, its human nature.

Spedding: Yes but the happiest people are often those who are content with what they have.Remember that boys and youll be fine in life.

Classroom

Petrovski: So the er- the processor is like the uh well like the brain of the computer -

Spedd ing: No, no, no, dont say the brain of the computer. You can never compare a computer to a human. The examiner will move onto the next question if you say that! Forget what he saideveryone.

Petrovski: But why not? It does what a human says. This website said so!

Spedding: Listen here, a computer does not like or hate a particular film, it doesnt have anopinion in politics, it cannot love.


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Sia: Actually in Japan-

Spedding: Look, a computer is an object. Humans use them, theyre tools. Thats why theyrecalled machines. If the education department does a survey and hears you teaching these boysthat then trust me, theyll eat you alive.

Petrovski : W ell um, yes, ok then. I will remember that Mr. Spedding.

Spedding: And try to avoid the ums and ahs, try at least to look like you know what youretalking about Mr. Petrovski.

Petrovski: Doctor.

Spedding: What? Are you sick now?

Petrovski: No. My name is Doctor Petrovski. I have a PhD remember.

Spedding: For heaven s sake, does it bloody matter?

Petrovski: Of course it does. Its my title.

Spedding: Youre not a real doctor.

Petrovski: Excuse me?

Spedding: Do I have to explain this to you again? Everyone listen here. If youre on a plane andsay, Munns drops to the floor with back pains-

Ferri: More context please.

Hartley: Probably too much sex.

Spedding: And someone says: We need a doctor! Then youre not going to stand up and savethe day are you? So why flash your title to everyone you see?

Petrovski : I Well - you

Armin: Looks like Mr Spedding wins this one.

Petrovski: This is stupid! We should be talking about computers not names! And besides, thisis my time to teach. You shouldnt be here Spedding!

Nguyen: Wait a minute, wheres Mitch?

Spedding: Actually t hats a good question, where is Browne? Hes not here.


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Ferri: Done a runner sir- oh wait, no thats Mikus.

Spedding: Wed better find him.

School oval

Hartley: Hey Mitch, watcha doing? Just kicking a football.

Browne: Yeah.

Hartley: Whats the special occasion:

Browne: What do you mean?

Hartley: Well it is the middle of class. But I guess the coach wanted you to practice a bitmore? Now that youre on the team I hear?

Browne: No, its not that.

Hartley: Here, give me a shot.

(Hartley picks up a ball and kicks it away. Sound of a window being smashed)

Hartley: Oh shit, well oops.

Browne: Theyll get it fixed eventually.

Hartley: Unlikely. They still cant afford another goalpost.

Browne: True. Its Shenton.

Hartley: You seem to be getting your shots on target Mitch. Hey, I read somewhere that sportsplayers are more motivated if they have anger, they perform better with that sort of mentality. Doyou know what I mean?

Browne: Did you get that off the internet?

Hartley: Yeah.

Browne: Dont tell Mr. Spedding, he hates it when we do that.

Hartley: But it makes sense. Youre more motivated if something or someone pisses you off; youwant to show them youre better . So whats working you up then?

Browne: (Puts down the ball) Oh I dont know, maybe its the fact that when I managed to ask Miley earlier today she said she was already going with Perry.


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Hartley: Perry? Who, Dr Petrovski s son ? Perry Petrovski ?

Browne: Yes, that s him. But I mean Ive never seen him say a word to her. Of all the guys outthere, Munns and the like, how did Perry Petrovski do it? Its just not fair.

Hartley: Ah, life rarely is. I would know. The only thing I seem to be good at is kicking goalsand today I cant even get my fucking shot right.

Browne: I might as well forget about it for now. Weve got an exam coming up. So is Speddingangry?

Hartley: At you? No. Spedding and Petrovski just had another classroom standoff. Typical thesedays, I think Spedding enjoys it. Its entertaining for us.

Browne: Well I might as well head back. If anyone asks who broke that window, well say Perry

did it.

Hartley: Of course.

Canteen

Munns: So did you hear what happened with Mitch?

Nguyen: You havent killed him have you?

Munns: No, no. But its p retty bad, apparently Perry Petrovski asked Miley to the school ball before he did. Hes rather peeved off about it.

Nguyen: Perry? What, that Yank?

Munns: The one and only.

Nevill: I believe American is a more correct term. And there could be more Perry Petrovskis outthere, I mean there are nearly seven billion people in the world, millions would have Englishnames so-

Munns: Did you hear what I said Nevill?

Ferri: Perry Petrovski eh? Who would have thought? I guess youve got competition nowMunns.

Nevill: Credit should go to Perry though, it takes a lot of guts to do something like that. Andoften youll just crash and burn.

Nguyen: Oh Perry didnt ask


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Munns: What?

Nguyen: Not personally anyway, Nevill and I saw Dr Petrovski talking to Miley the other day.Thats what he was talking about. Perry got his dad to ask for him.

Armin: But that doesn t make sense man. Why would Perry want to ask her if hes never talkedto her?

Nguyen: I dont know that Maybe Dr Petrovski needs more of our information.

Nevill: Oh god, here we go again.

Ferri: Corporate espionage . Arent we learning about that? It happens folks.

Nguyen: Damn right. Corporate, political, personal whatever it is, that man is a spy.

Ferri: Its possible; after all, he is Ukrainian. Im not a geography boy but wasnt that in theformer Soviet Union?

Hugo: Indeed it was people!

Munns: Hugo, how did you get here? Go back to Geogs!

Hartley: Yes, Petrovski a Communist Soviet spy! But more importantly someone teaching usfuck all in the classroom.

Munns: Yeah, I dont think hes doing my education any favours.

Nguyen: Precisely. And I say the sooner we get rid of him the better.

Nevill: I think hes alright as a teacher and I doubt hes doing anything wrong. He hasn t setanything on fire like our other relief, Mr Orr once did.

Armin: Not yet Nevill

Nguyen: We are unanimous then.

Ferri: What about Mitch? Does he know that it was Dr Petrovski who actually asked her?

Nguyen: Yeah, hes bound to find out soon e nough. Maybe you should tell him Devid.

Armin: And then the shit is going to hit the fan.

Nevill: Well this may end badly. You know they used to shoot spies on sight.


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Nguyen: Only in America Nevill, only in America. Keep an eye on that man, boys.

***

The exams came and went, we were somewhat prepared for what was in them. Obviously, I felt

there were places I could have done better in next time round. And there certainly would be anext time.

Staffroom

Headmaster: Mr Spedding.

Spedding: Headmaster?

Headmaster: These computer science boys of yours, any special plans?

Spedding: They did well in the semester one exam.

Headmaster: They did very well. In fact, I think we may have an edge over PLC now. Thatswhy I wanted to keep you. We have nt had a top comp science student in a while, or a groupwhich is so good and can beat the other schools. But I have a feeling well do it in the WACEexams at the end of this year. Put us on the map for good.

Spedding: Of course. But I think they could have done even better if I had more time to teachthem things. I need more class time, Headmaster.

Headmaster: Well I cannot offer you that promotion. Not until this year is over perhaps. Im justafraid thats the way it is now with Petrovski. You should be grateful for his presence at themoment Spedding, the boys need some time to wind down.

Classroom

(Petrovski sings the final verse of Edward Khils Trololololo as he paces around the classroom)

Ferri: (clapping) Bravo!

Armin: Man, Ive been waiting a term just for that.

Sia: Semester one exams are done!

Ferri: So Dr Petrovski, I suppose this is your period to teach us. W hy dont you tell us moreabout rainforests?

Petrovski: What do you want to know?

Munns: Nothing. We want to know nothing.


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Armin: Don t worry about Munns, I heard he had a bad day yesterday while trekking throughone, a branch fell on him, and he got stranded.

Petrovski : Oh dear, but I dont recall there being any rainforests around Perth.

Ferri: Youd be s urprised.

Petrovski: Well, I remember one time when I went into the rainforest, I took Perry along too. Itwas great bonding time.

(The boys laugh)

Petrovski: I know boys, it is very fun when youre with someone. Youre laughing with me yes?

Armin: All the way sir. All the way.

Petrovski: I believe Perry slipped over, it was a very wet day. Rainforests, as the name suggests,are very wet.

Munns: This is getting worse and worse.

Petrovski: Yes, it did get worse, you see, Perry forgot to wear adequate protection so-

(Petrovski s mobile rings)

Petrovski: Excuse me, I have to take this. (Steps outside) Da? Ah Dmitry!

Nguyen: Hes ordering something. I better see what hes up to. A quick toilet break. (Nguyenslips out of the room).

Munns: Where is Spedding these days? Why cant he just teach us while Petrovski s goeswalkabout.

Armin: According to the timetable, this is Petrovski s teaching time. Spedding doesnt get toteach today. But oh well, more time to learn about rainforests!

Ferri: And do nt you worry Munns, hes got plenty more of those stories. Oh, hey Mitch , Ive gotto tell you something

Staffroom

Ms Lim: The new man seems stupid.

Spedding: He does. Depressingly so. But he manages to amuse the boys.


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Ms Lim: Substitute teachers a re, at teaching real things of course. But I feel theyre starting todislike this set up. They seem to be falling apart Graeme, you need to keep them together. Youcant have the boys wishing they were better than one another. Spend more time with them or something.

Spedding: Im afraid thats just not possible anymore. Headmaster thinks the Gestapo will springcheck s on the first half of the week so thats his time. But I will always encourage them to try their best no matter what our situation is, tha ts

all a teacher can do nowadays to make them do well , unless they want to end up with a lawsuit

Ms Lim: I suppose youre right. Theyll probably all eventually find something which they canagree on to motivate them.

Their ball is on tonight isnt it?

Spedding: I believe so.

Ms Lim: And youre not going?

Spedding: Me? Oh no, no. Their teacher is officially Petrovski now.

Ms Lim: Thats a shame, I would have thought for these past years youve been teaching them,the Headmaster would have at least allowed you in the class photo tonight.

Spedding: Theyll be fine without me. And Id rather be at home drinking tea than watchingPetrovski get rowdy.

Classroom

(Spedding is helping Browne with programming)

Armin: (Whispering) Well, I think the ball was quite enjoyable, eh guys?

Nguyen: Certainly was. Except for the bit when Perth Modern gate-crashed our afters.

Sia: Aw man, I took all of them down in the carpark.

Armin: Best part of the night that was Sia.

Hartley: Nah, best part of the night was when Miley slapped Perry.

Ferri: Wait SHE DID WHAT?

Spedding: Theres a huddle! I dont like huddles! Theyre counter -productive.

Ferri: (whispering) Wow, Perry didnt do too well then did he?


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Armin: Good on her then. Perry totally deserved that. So did Mitch take the chance and youknow with Miley?

Nguyen: Unfortunately I dont think anything else happened , sorry Armin.But I think Mitch is still pretty peeved off about this whole Dr Petrovski thing.

Library

Munns : So were plotting Petrovski s downfall in the relative sanctuary of the library.

Nguyen: Well, It seemed like the most secretive place I could find since the only person who sitsaround here is Lukas, and thats just to pick up girls.

I think his main library pick- up line is So have you read Twilight?

Munns: He has a lot to learn.

Nguyen: Anyway, so I figured theres no chance of being overheard.

Browne: So what are we going to do?

Nguyen: Well the funs over. Weve got exams coming up in a few weeks and frankly were notprepared thanks to a portion of our time being taken by Petrovski. I suppose the easiest way is tosimply take the matter up to the headmaster.

Munns: Yeah, but Mr Hill doesnt give a shit about what we think.

Nguyen: No, but Ferri and Sia have announced they are going to drop computer science. Haveyou heard?

Browne: What? Really? But why? It cant be because of Petrovski can it?

Nguyen: I would presume not. It might be personal reasons I dont know. But what we can dois use it to our advantage.

What if we say to Hill, that Devid and Dan are dropping because Petrovski s presence is justmaking Comp Sci worse Our glorious headmaster wouldnt want to lose two of his beststudents because of this would he?

Munns: No t bad but is it enough?

Nguyen: And of course, tell him Petrovski knows shit all about the course too and its not doingany favours for our education. But do nt mention all this spying stuff.

Munns: I dont think those allegations are very convincing .

Nguyen: No, not yet. But I think Im getting some good evidence. Hows Rainforest going?


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Munns: What-oh, yeah fine.

Browne: You er dont seem very animated.

Munns: What? No, no. Everythings fine.

Nguyen: (Glancing at Browne) Really? You have nt talked about her ever since the ball.

Munns: Everythings fine. Really.

***

Browne: Towards the end of the second term, with the final term of school on the horizon,something happened. The headmaster, Mr. Hill, clearly irate, Spedding summoned, Rainforestfading from class discussions.

Headmasters study

Spedding: It would be so kind of you to offer me tea perhaps?

Headmaster: Im afraid we can only limit staff to one drink per day here at Shenton. On thatnote, someones been stealing our tea supplies . You wouldnt happen to know who would you?

(Pause)

Spedding: Um No no, not at all.

Headmaster: Well then, now to my actual point. Spedding, you do not seem to display a greatdeal of enthusiasm for Dr Petrovski being around in your class.

Spedding: On occasion I try to. But usually on ly if its a good day.

Headmaster: Why is that so?

Spedding: Hes often a disruption.

Headmaster: Because its personal?

(Pause)

Spedding: I beg your pardon?

Headmaster: I am very angry.Yesterday, your boys approached me in the study and requested a meeting with me. I usually

enjoy input from my students; it is rare nowadays that any of them discuss student life with me.


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However your boys began to question Dr Petrovski s ability at t eaching the class. I believe twoof them have even threatened to quit!

Have you nothing to say?

Spedding: Computer science is a competitive field. You only survive if you know what youre

doing. Petrovski obviously doesn t. He is like an old PC in an Apple store. I dont see how hecould possibly fit in.

Headmaster: This isnt the time for your computer filled nonsense.

Spedding: Oh but its always time.

Headmaster: Did I say I was angry.

Spedding: You might have.

Headmaster: Have you no control over your students?Spedding: Ah control the control structures of programming can often reflect the actionshuman mind. All the loops, conditions and iteration.

Likewise, a human will only do something if a certain condition is met. Its amazing howcomputer language has evolved around the human mind. Its all logic.

Headmaster: Were straying off the point here. I am assuming Petrovski doesnt know.

Spedding: I have no idea; the man is a mystery to me. However he seems to know me quite wellfrom all his years stalking me.

Headmaster: Are you going to tell him?

Spedding: I dont know. The man thinks hes still contributing to the class. He thinks they areimproving while he rambles on about biology and whatnot. Im not sure hed be interested if Itold him what we think of him?

Headmaster: We? There you go Spedding, youve admitted you have influenced the boys tocomplain to me about Petrovski. Youre behind all this. Youre turning them against their ownteacher!

Spedding: I am their teacher.I didnt tell them to do anything but Ill admit it anyway . Im sick of all this silly time from

Petrovski. Im sick of the way he is trying to take over my class. Frankly Im sick of the way heis trying to take over my whole bloody life!

Headmaste r: Well heres another thing.


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Strange how these events will resolve the timetable. Petrovski wants some more bondingtime with the boys, get to know them better so when the education department arrives, he canshow them they are being taught well.

Spedding: If you want that, tell him not to teach at all.

Headmaster: I have planned for Petrovski to merge with your classes. Your teaching may seemmore effective to the boys than his.

Spedding: A bit of an understatement.

Headmaster: But as of tom orrow, youll be sharing classes with him.That way, if the education inspector wants a tour of the school at anytime, well certainly have

Petrovski on site and he can take over the class. But if you just retired Spedding, and declined theinvitation from PLC, it would make this situation much easier.

Spedding is going

Spedding: And leave the boys with Petrovski for the most important term of their lives?I dont think so.Petrovski is like a redundancy in your database. Remove him and the integrity of the data, in

this case, the class is maintained. If you want to clean up your system, you usually remove thething which is ca using the problem. You dont spread it . You see in computer science-

Headmaster: Fuck computer science. And fuck databases and programming and all that wiredshit. Im not removing Petrovski because this is real life. Money, prestige, power runs the world.Not bloody programming logic.

Spedding has seen the headmaster and now, in hiking gear, is sitting in an empty c lassroom at his computer.

Browne comes in.

Spedding: Ah, Browne.Here by yourself?

Browne: Everyones gone home, but I saw Armin with Dr Petrovski, sir. Hes trying to get his network account back because it got banned sir.

Spedding: Ah, must have been pornography.Some bonding time with Petrovski though. Of course.

Browne: Spying time perhaps or so Dan would say .

Spedding: Never mind about them then, we must carry on ourselves.The last test for the term is over now. How did you go?


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Browne: Alright I think sir, there was one part though. Networking sir, I came across a termcalled the hidden station problem . Its when two transmitters are trying to transmit a message atthe same time to one receiver.

Spedding: Yes, good. The messages will collide and it will end up a mess.

Its like having someone else teach you at the same time as I am. Youll be receiving twomessages at once and muddle them up. Especially if one message only contains a load of nonsense in it.

Browne: I get you sir. So to overcome this problem you should position your transmitter toreach the receiver as well as the other transmitters so they can be coordinated?

Spedding: Good, spot on. Full marks I hope your answers werent too dull. I remember last year when Morgan drew a llama on the

exam paper because he had time. I gave him an extra mark for that. Remember Browne,computer science should never be too boring.

Browne: Yes sir, are you marking our tests over the holidays?

Spedding: Yes, if I come back from my bushwalking trip in time. Those exams may be the lastones I ll ever mark.

Browne: Sir?

Spedding: No, never mind. Have a good holiday. Ill see you next term.

Act Two

Munns is about ten years older , in a chefs uniform and talking to a camera.

Munns: (Speaking with a Londoner accent) So youve got to cut the onions yeah? Then add emto the frying pan. Nice and quick right? And while thats cookin, weve got to sort this pie out.Right then, were going to add some of this lovely - oh, shit, the pans on fire, stop recording! (Hedouses the flame and coughs from the smoke).

Cameraman comes on stage

Cameraman: Are you ok Giles?

Munns: Fine mate. Well start over eh?

Cameraman: Lets take five; well get everything cleaned up for you. A title screen called Cooking with Giles appears and Munns walks over to someone whos beenwatching and takes a seat beside him.

Munns: Have I met you before mate?


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Man: Yes, you might have. I ts been a while. Youve changed, why the Britis h accent?

Munns: I was born in West Ham, grew up there, moved here to Melbourne a few years ago.

Man: No you didnt , and youre name is not Giles Owen, its Matthew Munns. Y ou were born inPerth with Australian parents.The only reason why you say y oure from West Ham is because youre old geography teacher

comes from there.

Munns: What, no mate, I dont know a Munns. Thats nonsense innit? I mean Ive never beento Perth.

Man: Christ, how did it come to this? Look, I travelled across the country to get here. WhyMunns, have you wound up all the way here in Melbourne?

Munns: For the last time-

Man: Because I know who you are, Munns. And you know who I am.Youre hiding something, its quite obvious that you are . I know that something happened ten

years ago that changed you. Something which happened in our computer science class of 2011. Iwant to know what that thing was.

Munns: What? Computer Science? I remember doing food science but never-

Man: Listen man! We all want to know why you re here, trust me, what happened between youand Rainforest, why are you here now, with a cooking show on ABC3 which no one watches,putting on a ridiculously fake British accent?

Munns: Hey, the show and my accent are pretty wicked thanks, mate.

(Pause)

Munns: Alright then, what happened at UWA?

Man: Nothing much for me. Im a journalist now.

Munns: Is that so. I thought you were the type. So is this your story? Giles Owen: The Secret behind the Great Chef? I doubt anyone will be interested.

Man: No, this is for the good of our old class; they want to know what happened to you. Andbesides, no one actually watches your show back in Perth Im afraid to say

Munns: Then who do they watch?

Man: Miley. Do you remember her?


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Munns: You cant be serious.

Man: She became quite a celebrity after she won Masterchef. Didnt you hear?

Munns: She won Masterchef? Fuck it, all this has been for nothing then. Mate, I cant even getchicks around here with this accent? Disgraceful innit?

Man: Yes, very. But I want to know why you left Perth? Was it because of what happened withPetrovski and Spedding? Or was it more to do with your relationships? There are so manymissing links to your story.

Munns: Youve always been the nosy one in the class haven t you? Trying to piece everythingtogether. Im here because I want to be.

Man: I just wanted to know what happened between you and the class.

Munns: Nothing happened.

Man: I think it did. It involved Petrovski ? It did didnt it?

Munns: Why? How does this matter to you?

Man: Its a chance to tell your side of the story. Why are you one the run? Why do you have adifferent identity?

Munns: Im not on the bloody run! There is no story!Wait, are you wired?God, you are. Who told you to do this?

Man: I cant say.

Munns: What is this? Corporate espionage? Is Nguyen trying to prove Im a spy or something? Ithought we had put that all behind us at school.

Man: It was Rainforest.

Munns: What? Who? Why?

Man: Only you would remember why. Youre here because y ou didnt want to be seen makingany more mistakes like the ones you made back there. I just want to know what those mistakeswere.

You didnt want a life back there where it all fell apart. You ve always wanted to be the besthaven t you?


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Munns: There is no better feeling than to be number one, to be at the top. Dear old Petrovskiactually taught me that. The world is full of competition. Be the best at any cost.

Man: Nobody is perfect. We all like to hide behind an image of who we really arent.Munns, youre a computer scientist , a damn good one. Not a TV chef with a fake accent who

no one watches . Now why dont you come back to Perth? Forget about everything else thatshappened. Rainforest doesnt matter anymore. Its your home Munns.

Munns: No. Im not going back there.Now if you excuse me, filming begins.

Man: Would you sign your cookbook then?

Munns: Who should I make it out to? I don t remember you being called by your first name.Ever. Ill just addre ss it to Nevill.

***

Classroom

Spedding: Alright everyone, I have something to tell you all.

Nevill: We know sir, Devid and Sia are quit the class. Sad new really. I wonder why though?

Spedding: No, well, that too. But I have something else to tell you-

Hugo: Now that theyve quit, does that mean Im in?

Spedding: How the devil did you get in here? I thought I locked the door.

Hugo: Im looking for my bag sir, I left it somewhere.

Spedding: No, you cannot join, now get out.And somebody hit that boy!

Browne: Done sir! (Browne hits him and Hugo scrambles out)

Spedding: Right, what I was going to tell you was that the Headmaster wants us to share lessonswith Petrovski.

Hartley: Shared lessons sir? Does that mean-

Spedding: It means I ll still get to teach you, though Petrovski will be sitting in the backgroundtwiddling his thumbs. It would be helpful for yourselves if youd just ignore him.

Nguyen: So will this set up be for the rest of the year?


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Spedding: It seems so. No matter, we must carry on and ignore the inconveniences. One beingthat Petrovski is yet to show up at all.

Browne: Well it might be better than having Petrovski teach us for half of the time like lastsemester.

Spedding: Yes, but if the inspector comes in, rem ember, hes your teacher, not me.

(Petrovski walks into the room)

Spedding: Ah, nice of you to finally show up Petrovski. Take a seat.

Petrovski: I believe this is a shared lesson, yes?

Spedding: Yes, a shared lesson. Would you like to start?

Petrovski: How do you normally start?

Spedding: I thought wed learn about normalization today.

Nevill: Is that even in the syllabus?

Spedding: Of course, it comes under databases. Now gather round everyone, lets talk about thistogether. When a database is spread out in different tables, you get anomalies and redundancywithin your data obviously. And why is this a problem?

Armin: Makes the system slower doesnt it?

Browne: Wastes memory space, and also there are more errors within the system.

Spedding: Good, the process of normalizing a database can be very complicated, its best if youtry it yourselves on the computer. However you need to remember the reason why we normalizedatabases and that is to what?

Munns: To make it more efficient.

Spedding: Yes, and what have we learnt about efficiency?

Browne: So we dont waste time , sir. There is nothing worst in computer science than wastingtime. You said that once.

Spedding: Exactly. Everything has to be on schedule, to the users needs, per fection is veryimportant, it means the system-

Petrovski: Is the best yes? That is why you need perfection .


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Spedding: Yes Petrovski However perfection should come in the form of perfecting your owngoals when developing the system. Not trying to outd o someone elses.

Petrovski: But the workplace is full of competition. Life is full of competition, yes?

Munns: Hes right; you have to beat everyone else to be the best, sir.

Spedding: Forget about everyone else. What you want to achieve is more important. Well, then,lunch time!

(Nevill, Nguyen and Petrovski remain in the room)

Nevill: Mr Petrovski Sorry, Dr Petrovski, Nguyen and I were just having a discussion; wewanted to ask you something.

Nguyen: We want to know what your political views a re

Petrovski : I er dont know really I usually do one of those votes when you put numbers oneto ten on the paper.

Nevill: A donkey vote sir?

Petrovski : Yes, thats it.

Nguyen: Do you ever wear jeans?

Petrovski : Im sorry?

Nguyen: Jeans Ive never seen you wear them.

Petrovski: No, actually. Wearing jeans is the last thing I do.

Nguyen: What about McDonalds? Do you go there a lot?

Petrovski: Not really. But my son enjoys it. Maybe you should go there with him sometimes.You could have a Large Mac.

Nevill: Uh, Big Mac, sir. Not Large Mac.

Petrovski: Yes.

Nguyen: What about the colour red? Do you like red?

Petrovski : Well, I dont really see how thats important.

Nguyen: My favourite colour is blue, you know.


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Petrovski: Oh yes? S o is Perrys. You two could get along well But I dont really have afavourite colour.

Canteen

Nevill: I dont see what his jeans have anything to do with spying.

Nguyen: Communists hate jeans. They never wear them because they ll think they are Yank inventions, worn by The capitalistic scum of the earth!

Nevill: Then why did Petrovski study in the US? He went to Harvard remember?

Nguyen: Soviet government needed some info from Americas top university. It all adds up. Idont understand it; I h ave never wanted to prove someone a fake so much as Petrovski.

Nevill: McCarthyism? Nguyen: Perhaps. Speddings going at the end of the year.

Nevill: Retiring? He looks a long way off from retiring.

Nguyen: He flies you know, hes a pilot too.

Nevill: Maybe he wants an extra-long holiday.

Nguyen: Who wouldnt, Petrovski will probably try to follow him though.

Armin: Ah, heres Nguyen and Nevill.

(Nguyen and Nevill join the canteen line)

Nevill: Hey Ferri, so why did you quit?

Ferri: It s rather complicated.

Browne: You know, w ere missing you and Sia already.

Ferri: Ah dont worry, my heir to the throne, this skuxx has just returned.*Skuxx: A flirting man hitting on anyone purely in the hopes of a quick hookup.

Rawle: Hey guys.

Browne: Ah, Rawle! W e havent seen you since, well, quite a while ago.


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Rawle: Yeah, well some shit went down called Portal 2. Put me out of action for a few months...and the first exams. But Im back now.

Armin: Hey Nguyen, Petrovski is still asking me weird questions. Hes Facebook chat spammingme too. I think I may need to block him.

Nguyen: Yeah, the questions get weirder every time. Then he talks about how I should comeover to his place for a Ukrainian dinner.

Nevill: Sounds good, did you accept?

Nguyen: No way man, Im not goi ng to be brainwashed over some roasted goat and vodka.

Armin: Actually he asked me that too. Somethings going on eh? Maybe I should go, just do a bitof trolling.

Nguyen: Well lets hope you dont end up with any Marxist ideas afterwards.

Miley: Mitch!

Browne: Oh, uh- hi Miley.

Miley: Its a long line to get food isnt it? So this must be your computer science class. Hows itgoing guys? Been playing some COD or WOW?

Nguyen: What does COD stand for?

Miley: Pfft Ive got better things to remember thank you very much.

Browne: Hows food science?

Miley: Good! I didnt burn anything today so I think thats an improvement .

Browne: Thats a lways good to hear.

Miley: Haha, but will you look at this line! You know what? Forget it. I might just come back later. See you guys! (Miley goes)

Armin: Wow nice.

Nevill: Mitch, I thought you were still upset with Miley for going with Perry to the ball.

Browne: Of course not, never with Miley. Im just upset th at I didnt get to see her slap him.

Ferri: That was quite a skuxx moment Mitch.


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Nguyen: She seems fond eh?

Armin: Speaking of Skuxx, where is the Munns ?

Browne: Munns is a noun is he?

Armin: You know, t hats the reason why we need you back in comp sci Devid, we needRainforest jokes again.

Nguyen: Well, considering we have an assignment due next week, hes probably trying to cramas many pages in as possible so that means he could only be in one place.

In the library, Munns is sitting at a computer terminal typing frantically

Nguyen: Mr Munns.

Munns: Ah, Dan. (Spinning around in his chair) I have to tell you something. And I dont wantanyone else to know . Its best if this is just between you and me . Understand?

Nguyen: Alright, go on.

Munns: We broke up.

Nguyen: Oh wow Munns... You broke up. (Sarcastically) That was so exciting . I never eversaw it coming.

Munns: Really?

Nguyen: No. Even Twilight had a better anti-climax. You havent talked about her for a wholeterm, everyone knows that. What else is new then?

Munns: Well actually theres more you see, I looked t hrough her phone and found some, letssay, revealing texts.

Nguyen: Ah, now were talking.

Munns: I came across a name in particular; um Petrovski.

Nguyen: W hat? Im sorry? Petrovski did you say?

Munns: I took Rainforests phone and look what was on it. (Munns pulls out a phone and passesit to Nguyen)

Nguyen: Justin Bieber?

Munns: No, no below that.


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Nguyen: Oh, well these are some provocative texts we ve got here.

Munns: Yes. So as it turns out, Ive been cheat ed on! By my teacher!

Nguyen: Woah now, Im pretty sure theres another Petrovski in this school, perhaps a youngerone

Munns: Oh, right, that makes more sense.

Nguyen: These are some strange messages though Perry has some um, strange fantasies.But lets not get too upset. I mean, Munns, dont you have like four other girlfriends . It sounds

like you have a supply depot of them or something.

Munns: Yeah well

Nguyen: Oh, now don t tell me that was all bullshit.

Munns: The bit about Rainforest was true but other than that...

Nguyen: So all this stuff about you having five girls has been all made up?

Munns: There are lots of lies in the world of computer science.

Nguyen: But all the things you were saying about picking up and the tricks?

Munns: Yeah, that was kind off the internet. Rainforest was kind of desperate when we met andthings well happened.

Nguyen: Oh erm, alright. Well, I think that story probably should end there.

Munns: What do I do now? I can t be seen without a girlfriend! Not in this public school, t heyllthink I m gay!

Nguyen: Look Munns, why dont you take a break from all this relationship stuff. Its not the endof the world, and besides, you can just be yourself.

I mean, look at me, i ts great!

Munns: Alright, but dont tell anyone Ive been making all this multiple relationship stuff up.

Nguyen: Yeah, ok then.

Munns: Im still doing better than Browne right?

Nguyen: Uh well Im not too sure, personally.


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Classroom

Petrovski: So where is Spedding? He is late this time!

Nevill: No matter, we can carry on.

Petrovski: Well what should I teach, are you boys still interested in Rainforests?

Munns: No! No, were not.

Petrovski: Ok t hen Well, Im, out of ideas. Maybe Ill try to find him. (Going) Oh, Speddingleft this note on the table, he says: The end of school is near! I have marked your assignments,they are on the table.

Armin: Here Munns, this ninety page one is yours.

Mu nns: He never gives an inch, does he for my work? Compelling to a point that if you threw ina plot it would make a good novel. However completely off the topic of database structures.

Browne: Maybe youll have to write more next time.

Munns: Alright, I will. Two hundred pages perhaps?

Nevill: You complacent fuck.

Rawle: So I havent heard much about Rainforest since I left , Munns. What happened?

Nevill: Well Munns is refusing to tell us anything.

Munns: More of the same. Theres not much to sa y. (He goes).

Nevill : I think theyve broken up. No more entering the Rainforest in rough condititons then.

Hartley: No shit, he seems preoccupied with things eh?

Browne: Thats good, means he wont be doing two hundred page assignments.I guess this competitive feeling against Munns is just a phase though. Spedding was right, it

will pass, but I dont want it to.

Rawle: You know man, Im sure we all have it. A s much as I want to prove Petrovski wrong, Idhate to admit that hes righ t. Life is all about competition.

Armin: You know, our friend Munns needs to learn something.It doesnt matter how big your assignment is. Its how you use it that counts.

Spedding and Petrovski are sitting behind a table, pretending to the interview panel.


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Spedding: Now then, the interview panel usually consists of two people, theyll ask you non -academic questions, so mostly about your interests and whatnot.

Petrovski: Mr Armin-

Armin: I have a last name you know.

Petrovski : Do you? I didnt know. Ok, good. How do you describe yourself?

Armin: Foreign.

Spedding: Haha, very smart, and not bad.

Petrovski: I have not heard of that Western joke. But very well then. Next please.

Nevill sits to be interviewed

Spedding: Now then Nevill, you have an i nterest in cinema Any film in particular?

Nevill: I like Apocalypse Now.

Petrovski : Thats too much violent. They will think you are a madman.

Nguyen: Oh no, Im sure people love seeing commies getting blown up by napalm. Didnt youenjoy it Dr Petrovski?

Petrovski : Well why dont you say something more normal?

Nguyen: What about Red Dawn? A communist invasion of the USA.

Nevill: Aw, thats a shit film. So unrealistic.

Nguyen: Inglorious Basterds is unrealistic, but brilliant.

Petrovski: Yes, you can say Inglorious Basterds.

Nguyen: So you can say Inglorious Basterds which is incredibly graphic in content but notApocalypse Now?

Spedding: Alright then Nevill, you can say what you like, but you have to give a good reason forit, your own point of view. Remember that.

Now, Mr Hartley, take a seat. You did computer science, how would you define it?

Hartley: How do I define computer science sir?Its just one fucking code after the other.


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(Pause)

Spedding: Not bad.

Hartley: Not bad sir? Dont you want to hit me for that?

Spedding: Perhaps if you were Hugo. But do well in your exam and theyll see that you have a point. Computer science can be very methodical.

Petrovski: What? But h e cant say that!

Spedding: Come now, Ive heard there are much more inappropriate interviews which take place.

Miley: Hey guys, is Mitch in here?

Spedding: What a rare event! Theres a girl in here! Well, the lesson is nearly finished. We will finish the interviews tomorrow. And make surethey arent dull! Im looking at you Munns.

Munns: Yes sir.

(Everyone begins to leave)

Browne: Im o ver here Miley.

Miley: Um, can we talk kind of alone?

Browne: Yeah, sure. Storeroom?

Armin: Ay, Browne, you lad, asking a girl into the storeroom with you. Very skuxx.

Spedding: Actually the storeroom is often a ground for various secretive corporate discussions inany workplace. Go on then.

(Browne and Miley goes off stage into the storeroom, Spedding goes leaving Nevill, Munns andNguyen behind)

Nevill : Hes learning fast youd better watch out Munns.

Munns: I dont think I have anything to worry about.

Nguyen: What do you think about Petrovski then Nevill? He said he liked Inglorious Basterdsbut seemed to detest Apocalypse Now.


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Nevill: I suppose its possible. He seems quite conservative in an old fashioned sense. But Idon t know about communism. The communists of today seem to be the younger, morerebellious generation.

Nguyen: So you think hes clean.

Nevill: Dan, even if you prove hes a spy what good will it do? What would it change?

(Browne walks back out)

Munns: That was quick.

Nevill: He d idnt try anything stupid Munns. Y ou would though, I know.

Browne: Hey guys, we dont have any homework tonight do we?

Nguyen: No, its Friday anyway. Why?

Browne: Oh, nothing, Miley invited me to dinner. Ill see you guys on Monday.

Nguyen: Have a good time then.

Munns: What? Browne now? FML.

(Everyone leaves)

Schoolyard

Ferri: So are you ready for the final exam?

Nguyen: Hopefully. Itll be a tough one. Thats for sure.

Ferri: I wish I could be back.

Nguyen: You were doing well? We all want to know why you quit.

Ferri: Do you really want to know?

Nguyen: Of course, you know I like a good conspiracy. I t wasnt because of any of us was it? Imean, I know we have our flaws

Ferri: No, not at all.You see, when Browne found out Dr Petrovski asked Miley for Perry he was, as you saw,

pretty upset. Well, I think it was unfair for him at the time. We all want to see good thingshappen to good people.


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I thought of a way to con the Petrovskis. So I pretended to be Perry and texted Rainforest.Miley found out, got pissed off at Perry at the ball, probably realised Browne was the right guyand now I heard they went out on the weekend right?

Nguyen: Yes Very ingenious Mr Ferri. Does Browne know?

Ferri: Of course not, that would ruin the fairytale feel wouldnt it. Its taken a whole semester towork out.

Nguyen: But you broke Munns up at the same time.

Ferri: Ah, but hell be alright. Rainforest really wasnt much of a looker anyway. Hes probablygot a better one in his girl collection.

Nguyen: Haha Funny you mention that.

(Pause)But anyway, I dont see why you had to leave the class?

Ferri: The problem was, Petrovski found out. Someone hacked the messages and actually foundout they were mine. Someone in the class but Im not sure who. Dr Petrovski knows now.

Ive been trying to keep my distance But god, Ill have to meet him at uni. Maybe I won ttake the course on forestry. But thats pretty much the whole conspiracy .

Nguyen: Ah, I see then. And Sia? Was he involved in this?

Ferri: No, Sia just didnt like the whole set up. A shame really. We would have been better off without Dr Petrovski this year. But shit happens, you know.

Nguyen: Welcome to the world of comp science.

Ferri: What were you planning on doing after exams and interviews?

Nguyen: I think we were all heading off to Bali, the comp sci class. Browne said he knows sometour guide there You should come too. Youre always going to be a comp science boy.

Ferri: Yeah, I like that idea. Good luck in the exams. See you on the other side.

Staffroom

Ms Lim: I suppose this is it, what twelve years of school life has prepar ed them for

Spedding: They will do well. Theyre driven by their own motivation.


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Petrovski: I would say they are driven by competition. You see, that is what I teach my children,what I teach my pupils. Victory means you must defeat everyone else.

Spedding: In your case it means everyone else hates the victor.

Petrovski: They have lost. It is irrelevant.

Ms Lim: What does the headmaster want us for anyway?

Spedding: Either a pep talk or much more unlikely, a word of congratulations.

Ms Lim: Where do you teach Dr Petrovski?

Petrovski: At UWA, forestry department. I am top professor there. Best at research!

Spedding: Thats good for you Petrovski.

Ms Lim: And you Graeme? What will you do when you retire?

Spedding: Me? Ive got this idea o f buying a yellow house, tying hundreds of balloons onto itand flying off to wherever it takes me.

Ms Lim: Actually I think theyve made a movie out of that already.

Petrovski: Yes, it is Toy Story, no?

Ms Lim: God, you dont get out much do you Petrovski?It is a shame he wants you to retire though Graeme. Computer science wont be the same

without you.

Headmaster: Ms Lim, could I see you in the study for a moment please?

Ms Lim: Good luck for the exams. I hope the boys do well. They will th ough, Im sure.

(Ms Lim and Headmaster leave)

Petrovski: I heard you were going with the boys to Bali after the exams. Any chance I could gotoo? I hear there are lots of rainforests in Bali. They boys will be very keen to go inside them.

Spedding: Let me ask you a question Petrovski.Why is it that every time I do something, go somewhere, you always follow me. I dont

understand Petrovski Why?

Petrovski : Lets be honest Spedding. Weve never got along well.

Spedding: A bloody understatement that is.


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Petrovski: Well, I think it is important to get to know your competition, to even be friends withthem. Some people have lifelong enemies but you are my lifelong competition.

Spedding: So all this time youve been peeving me off; going to ridiculous lengths to be more

successful than me is to make friends?

Petrovski: We are friends then, yes?

Spedding: Listen, you know what Petrovski? Y our problem is you dont understand people. Idont think you taking over my job can make us friends .

Petrovski: Well, I hope we can get along now that all of this is finished.

***

Munns: I filled up all the pages in my exam, it was pretty easy . I dont think the supervisor wasappreciative when I asked him an exercise book for extra pages. I was called into ECU for myinterviews; I wanted to do the aviation course there. The interviews were fine, I managed toshow off my extensive prowess in my knowledge of aviation as well as computer science.

Oh, and I did manage to reach that target of 200 pages in the final assignment. Ive never received it back actually, come to think of it.

Nguyen: I was given a tour of the UWA grounds after my interviews (which went off without ahitch). It all seemed nice and the pressure from the exams and whatnot was finally gone.

When we walked into the forestry department they had a book of all the research professorswho were based there, so I looked at that for a bit.

Browne: There were questions in the exam that I had prepared extensively for so I was gladabout that. The interviews wer e good too, I didnt say much admittedly, but I didnt want to seemtoo much of a narcissist. I wanted to say the right things, not try and be someone else likePetrovski wanted us to be.

But I think this years gone well.

***

Boys and Miley walk onto the stage, a sign with Soekarno-Hatta Airport hangs above them.

Ferri: Goddamnit , its s o hot outside!

Armin: Yeah man, I want to go back to the air-conditioning.

Browne: Alright then, we have arrived! The comp sci boys are in Bali!

Miley: So Im a comp sci boy now am I?


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Nevill: Wasnt our tour guide supposed to meet us here? Whats his name? Gede?

Browne: Ah yes, Gede Bali tours. The best value tour I could find.

Hartley: Um, Mitch the sign says Jakarta. I think. Arent we supposed to be in Bali? Thats on

a different island isnt it?

Hugo: Sure is Tim, Bali is on-

Browne: Wait, Hugo? Who invited you along?

Armin: My turn to hit!

Ferri: Hold on, wait guys. Our man, Gede is waiting at Bali airport which mean s

Nevill: Oh shit, we have to find our way to Bali?

Thats what we get for flying on Jetstar!

Browne: Dont worry; Im sure theres a connecting flight .

Ferri: I ll try and haggle the staff for some new plane tickets. Sia, I need some support.

Sia: Yeah, right with you.

Browne: But where are Nguyen and Petrovski?

Nevill: Theyre talking in the caf. Ill go get them .

Caf

Nguyen: God, this caf line is almost as bad as the canteen line at school. The food better becheaper though.

You know Dr Petrovski, I visited the forestry department at UWA. I looked up your name andyou werent there.

Petrovski: Oh yes? Maybe you looked at the wrong list.

Nguyen: Forestry?

Petrovski: No I said I was in farming.

Nguyen: Im certain you said you were in forestry.

Petrovski: No.

Nguyen: You did.


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Petrovski: What does it matter? It is still biology.

Nguyen: Because I dont believe half the things you say. Youve been teaching us for almost ayear, youve survived the department inspections because youve been lying the whole time

about your being a teacher.

(Pause)

That s a gerund actually: your being.Spedding taught us about those in databases.

Petrovski: I never was at UWAI work for a private company.Does that make a difference?

Nguyen: For most people, no.But for me, I want to know what you really are.

Petrovski : Im sorry?

Nguyen: Youre a suspicious man Dr Petrovski . Youre someone I would suspect of hidingthings. Tell me Petrovski, what were you before you moved here.

Petrovski: I really did go to Harvard you know.

Nguyen: What were you back in Ukraine?

Petrovski: I uh , how does it matter?

Nguyen: Perhaps we can discuss this over a cup of coffee.Look, forget that euphemism.Youre a spy arent you Petrovski? A communist spy. And y ouve been sent here by them to

spy on us havent you?

Petrovski: What? No! Of course I m not a spy, where did you get that idea from? Youve beenwatching too much of that classic James Bond havent you?

Nguyen: Hmm, what Nevill said. But you strike me as the type Petrovski.Listen, youre not my teacher and Im not your student anymore.So just tell me this then. Why have you walked into the classroom, taken over our education

for a year when you re not even a proper teacher?

Petrovski: Because because I wanted to see for myself how good you people were. I wantedPerry to have friends.


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Nguyen: What?

Petrovski: Perry, I wanted him to be included, its what any parent hopes for yes? For their children to be part of the group. Thats what your class was.

You had your ups and downs but in the end you were just one bunch of good friends.

Any parent would have wanted their children to be a part of the class you had. I wish Perry hadchosen that class. I wanted him to get to know some of you boys better, I wish it worked out butit didnt.

Nguyen: So all this about spying is just

Nevill: Paranoid bullshit?

Nguyen: Damn. I suppose you were right Nevill.

Petrovski : Ive bee n meaning to ask you this Mr Nguyen and Mr Nevill.

Would you like to join us for dinner? Maybe get to know Perry a bit more or something? Itwould be nice, I think.

Nguyen: Well, yeah alright I suppose.Im sorry for calling you a communist.

Petrovski: I used to get it all the time back at Harvard.

Arrivals lounge

Browne: Hey Dan, wheres Petrovski?

Nguyen: Eating lunch in the cafe. Rage quitted that line.

Browne: Ive got some bad news. Firstly, as it turns out, weve ended up in the wron g place.Furthermore weve got a bigger problem.

Nguyen: What?

Browne: Munns has ended up in Hanoi.

Nguyen: What? Hanoi? How the hell did Munns get to Hanoi? Thats on the other side of South -East Asia!

Nevill: He must have boarded the wrong plane.

Nguyen: Shit, but how? And what do we do now?

Browne: Well Dan, you know Vietnamese I presume, so Speddings goin g to fly you over thereand sort out the whole business with Munns.


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The rest of us will fly to Bali , and well wait for you there. Then hopefully everything will befine.

Nguyen: Alright.

Spedding: (Walking in, he is wearing hiking gear) I have some splendid news!Browne, this is for you. Nguyen, Armin, Nevill (handing them letters), Ill keep this one for Munns when we find him in Vietnam.

Browne: Oh look, scholarships! I got in!

Nevill: We all got in! Well done guys!Hartley? Isnt there a letter for you?

Hartley: Nope, but Im still going to UWA, they just want to keep it hush-hush.Dad once saved my interview ers life it appears. From ninja attackers or something. Anyway,

so I got in! Nguyen: Excellent, well this year hasnt been a waste of time has it?

Did we beat PLC?

Spedding: Completely annihilated them in terms of exam marks actually. And Mr. Hill isoffering me a new contract!

Nguyen: We all broke through in the end didnt we? Got where we wanted to be.

Ferri: Some in more ways than one, eh Browne?

Miley: Why thank you, for that disturbing piece of innuendo Devid.

Ferri: Used to do it all the time in comp sci. Im going to miss the days of Rainforest now thatits over.

Armin: Actually Mitch , Ive got something for you and Miley Its my take on a Bieber song

Spedding: BEBA? Binary exponential back-off algorithm?

Nevill: No sir, Justin Bieber Hes a singer.

Spedding: Im listening.

Armin: Hit it Rawle.

Rawle pulls out a guitar and plays the first chords of Baby

Armin: (sings)


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My name is Perry, I know you careStop trying to ignore me, I know youre there You are my love, you are my life,In Alabama youd already by my wife

I own at COD, Im pro at playin Youre with Mitch Browne, what are you sayin Cause I got 8 kills from only 15 lives Flashback, when you slapped me for the first time

(Boys join in)

And I was like Miley, Miley, Miley oh,Like Miley, Miley, Miley, noLike Miley, Miley, Miley, ohI thought youd always be mine, not Brownes

Armin: Sorry sir, thats all weve got.

Miley: Aww, how nice Armin.

Browne: Youre a talented man Armin.Bieber will need to watch out in the future.

Spedding: Oh dear, what has become of music these days?

(Spedding puts his sunglasses on)

Alright then, Nguyen ready for a free trip to Vietnam?

Nguyen: Ready as ever, sir.

(Petrovski comes in)

Petrovski : No, no, Nguyen doesnt need to go, let him enjoy his time I will go. He can staywith the rest of the boys. They know how to get to Bali themselves.

Spedding: Sure, I suppose. Why not?

Morgan: Storms brewing out there.Prepare for a face full of old man penis.

Browne: What?

Morgan: Oh nothing, its just my way of saying I have a feeling something will go wrong.


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Browne: Ah, you had me worried just for a moment there.

Nevill: There are various theories about what happened, why they found the wreckage and onlyone survivor. It is inconceivable Petrovski ever purposely touched or tampered with the controls.

There wasnt much information in the crash; it was very much a mystery, like Petrovski

himself. The biggest mystery was only one person was found in the plane when it crash-landed.Spedding was very lucky to have guided the plane down onto a flat patch of grass.However Petrovski was no where to be seen. Did he jump? There was one parachute in the

plane. They never found his body. Did it fail to open? Did he land in the sea?It was found that the plane stalled at one stage. Petrovski had a habit of stalling things.

Spedding: (Now on crutches)With no memory of what happened, I am of no help. I only remember the crash as the plane hit

the ground in the wet conditions. A pilots worst nightmare that was.

Nguyen: Maybe he landed in the sea and was picked up by a secret submarine. Thats what

happened to Harold Holt right?Nevill and I never got a chance to follow up the dinner invitation.

Nevill: Nothing quite adds up anymore.

The plane that the boys have flown on to Bali has landed and they are collecting their luggage from the baggage claim

Browne: Ive just received s ome information from customs . Theyve found the wreckage,Spedding is alive , hes fine.

Ferri: And Petrovski?

Browne: No information. They apparently cant find him. He might be alive; they say he couldhave parachuted out.

Nguyen: Damn, what a way to ruin this holiday.

Browne: No, dont say that, our holiday hasnt been ruined. We re all together, except Munnsmaybe. Hell find his way here eventually, dont worry.

Nevill: He never did.

Browne: Now that were here, we should think of everything weve been through , we ve allended up here, all standing together now as a class.

Ferri: O ur quest has come to an end.

Nevill: Looking back the boys on that plane its hard to believe how they changed in one year tochange their whole lives. Thanks to my often overriding curiosity, I presumably became a


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journalist, keen on exposing all sorts of stories. Only two people has attempted to kill me so far,which is good.

One of the boys became architect, designing big, very liberal and money consumingconstructions.

Nguyen takes his suitcase and walks off

Two of the boys became chemists; infamously, they have been known to set fire to theuniversity labs on many occasions with their experiments.

Armin: Hey Ferri, do you think there are many rainforests in Bali?

Ferri: Definitely, well have a lot of time exploring them I think.

Armin and Devid collect their luggage and walk off

Nevill: One designs some intense games which I think are close to impossible to pass.

Hartley: Is that supposed to be me? Impossible Psycho Zombie Ninja is possible to pass youknow Noob.

Hartley picks up his suitcase and walks away

Nevill: One of them lives in Japan designing robots for the good of the future.

Sia takes his bag and walks off

Another boy started a garage band which rose up and didnt do badly at all on the charts.

Rawle picks up a guitar shaped bag and walks away

Munns, ah, now Munns We never knew what happened to him really. All we know is hewent wherever he though success called for him.

Munns: I like chasing success, especially if you ever grab a hold of it.Who doesn t?

Nevill: Spedding actually did retire after the plane crash. He lives somewhere in Margaret Riveroften drinking tea and hiking around but never thinking in terms of computer science anymore. Ithink hes earned his break.

Still, of all Speddings comp science boys, there is only one who truly took everything to heart,remembers what he was taught, the logic, the steps, the way of thinking. He has followed in thefootsteps of Spedding into comp science.

Browne and Miley take their luggage, hold hands and leave together


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He shares an unassuming apartment with Miley which they renovated themselves. His whole lifeis really just unassuming. But I think he likes to keep it that way.

He still likes to open his programming books, likes to build databases and catch up with ourcomp science class. He remembers the good times.

He has long since stopped asking himself how everything suddenly changed for him in that last

term. Life w asnt about competition. It was more luck, unfair sometimes, rewarding at othertimes.

Spedding: Finish my good man, for the program has nearly ended.

Petrovski: I hope there is still room for Spedding in todays world. I have seen that he is a goodman, a man who knows what he is doing. A man who could never be a fake.

Browne: Spedding once told us: Be content with what you have and youll be fine in life. Its the only life worth having.Oh, right, and since were done

Party!

Nevill: Wait. What?

Rick Asleys Never Gonna Give You Up starts playing and Nevill is picked up and begins tocrowdsurfs over the boys.

Spedding: Pass the Nevill.Thats sometimes all you can do.Take him, throw him in the air, and pass him on.Pass him on boys.Thats the game I wanted you to learn.Pass him on.

Fin

Documents

The Comp Science Boys