Helping children go back to school a�er lockdown

Over recent weeks TRM Academy has been approached by foster carers, parents, youth workers and social workers foradvice in helping children transi�on back to school a�er the coronavirus lockdown. Whilst we are able to delivertraining to agencies we thought it would also be helpful to provide some freely available sugges�ons that may makethis process easier.

Dr Tricia Skuse, Consultant Child & Adolescent Clinical Psychologist, TRM Academy

Who is this guide for?This guide is aimed at parents, foster carers, social workers, teachers, youth workers and anyone else working with children who aresoon to make the move back into educa�on.

TRM Academy - The Training Room

Not all strategies will work for all children. Experiment and see which ones help. You also knowyour child – you will soon be able to see which ones fit. Most of the strategies should be useablewith both the younger age group and the Year 6 children. If there are par�cular considera�on forcertain ages groups this has been indicated.

Constant changeThe coronavirus has produced many challenges. A key one for most of us has been the constantly changing set of circumstances weare having to make sense of and respond to.

There was lots of uncertainty at the beginning of the year as to whether the virus would hit us, then an increasing level ofunderstanding that it was coming our way and we be�er prepare ourselves for it. Then there was the concern about when schoolswould close and when would the na�on go into lockdown. Next came the period of adjus�ng to lockdown and what that entailedfor our families and loved one. For some this was a �me of anxiety and panic, for others it was accompanied by a greater sense of

community and pulling together.

During the last couple of months of lockdown, some people have gone through the mosthorrendous hardships – loss of loved ones, loss of contact, loss of jobs, financial difficul�es etc. Others, have been muddling along with home-schooling, trying to work from home and s�ck to thegovernment guidelines. Many families have experienced it as an opportunity to pause, spend �mewith their immediate family and enjoy being together.

In sum, throughout the majority of this year, it has been a process of constant change. Each li�lestage has only lasted a few weeks before circumstances or informa�on changes and we have to adjust again.

And now, we have entered another phase: Coming out of lockdown. It will inevitably be a protracted period of uncertainty, worry,confusion and even dread. This is not helped by the fact that different na�ons of the UK are easing restric�ons at different �mes, indifferent ways and at a different pace. As I write, in England the plan is for shops to open in a couple of weeks, whilst in Walespeople are s�ll only allowed out of their homes for exercise, essen�al work and shopping.

An area which has created much anxiety is the process of returning children to school. Again,there are na�onal varia�ons. What does seem likely is that children in Recep�on or Years 1 and 6will be the first to return to school. There has been much discussion and media coverage aboutthe safety and value of returning children to school, which has added to the level of anxiety aboutthe process.

Whilst the debate rumbles on, parents, foster carers, and residen�al staff are le� wondering howbest to prepare children for the transi�on back to school. Uncertainty causes anxiety - the trick isto move to a posi�on where the uncertainty feels more manageable and as safe as possible.

What anxiety looks likeAnxiety has many presenta�ons. Whilst the stereotypic image is of someone looking �mid and frightened and talking about theirworries, maybe being a bit tearful.

However, anxiety also has a number of other manifesta�ons. Irritability is a common one. Children (and parents/carers) may haveless pa�ence and tolerance than normal. This can lead to frustra�ons and arguments. As hard as this is, it is important that adults areas mindful as possible about what may sit under their child’s (and their own) snappiness and a�tude may actually be heightenedanxiety.

Others (children and adults) can also present as being bossy or controlling. For those who feel that things are out of their control,there can be a tendency to try and regain some sense of certainty by exer�ng control over things, events or other people.

Who’s Worry is it Anyway?One of the best places to start is to think about who is doing the worrying. By that I mean, trying to separateout what are your worries as the carer and what are the child’s worries. These are likely to be quite different. However, unless the carer is mindful, it is very possible for some of the parent’s worries to be transmi�ed overto the child. For example, a child might be more concerned about being back in class si�ng next to a child theydon’t really like, or the fact that are back in school but their brother isn’t. Whilst parents might be more worriedabout whether their child is a risk of picking up the virus from the group se�ng and bringing it back home andeither being ill themselves or passing it to other more vulnerable members of the family. Other parents may befeeling anxious that the family �me they had during lockdown is coming to an end and the stress and demandsof normal life will soon be slowly creeping in.

There is a poten�al problem here. Children are not immune to the atmosphere within the home, they are not deaf to the discussionsgoing on between parents or on the phone or to the media coverage. They may not get the reason behind things correct but they arevery astute at picking up the feeling. So, they may not be able to tell you exactly what has been happening at a poli�cal/teachersunion level but many children will know that there are concerns about how safe it is for them to go back to school. At the very leastthey will have picked up that there is a level of anxiety surrounding going back to school.

The point is this: unless carers are honest with themselves about what they are anxious about,this anxiety can be passed to children. This leaves the child not only worrying about the personthey are si�ng next to in school and the fact that their brother is going to have more fun athome, but they may also start to worry about whether they are safe and whether their parents orcarers are safe. This is par�cularly key for primary aged children as worries about illness, dyingand the possibility of parents/carers dying are common concerns during development.

Common Anxie�es About Going Back to SchoolThe prospect of going back to school is likely to have different impacts on different age groups. The Recep�on/Year 1 children are ata different stage of development and understanding from those in Year 6. Consequently, the fears and anxie�es they may haveabout returning to school will be different. And, whilst the principles may be similar, the strategies for interven�on may be different.

Children’s Anxie�es - Recep�on/Year 1Separa�on

Some recep�on and Year 1 children will sail through the process of going back to school. They may have exhausted the games andac�vi�es they have at home and may really enjoy the opportunity to play with other children again.

Others may find it more difficult. They have had a couple of months of being at home. The mostimportant thing we can give our children is our �me and a�en�on. Many parents have beenfurloughed or are homeworking which means they are around at home as well and there has beenmore �me for playing, baking, cuddling, talking, going out for walks, etc. Fantas�c stuff to be doingwith children and maybe the longest period ever families have had to do these things together. Toleave this to go back to school will be hard for some. The anxiety around being separated fromparents/carers may be intense.

Difficul�es returning to school may be par�cularly acute for children who struggled with the transi�onto school when they first started. Parents who managed to get through this may be dreading thepossibility of having to do this again. The important thing to remember is that it is not a given thatyour child will struggle again. And there are a number of strategies that you can use to help – seebelow.

Children in the looked a�er system who come from backgrounds of early neglect and abuse mayalso need extra support. At TRM Academy we have links with a number of foster care agenciesand residen�al homes and it is becoming apparent that some children are thriving in lockdownbecause they have had the opportunity to have what they need – a chance to develop a securebase, build trust, learn about rela�onships, develop language skills, learn emo�onal regula�onskills, play and generally make up for things they missed out on when they were younger. This�me will serve them well. But it may mean that the transi�on back to school and away from thissecurity is not easy. Some may just not be ready yet. Many families may be feeling this way –just not ready for it to end yet.

Children’s Anxie�es - Year 6Change

In my clinical experience the worries about transi�on start early – o�en towards the end of Year 5 – and then con�nue throughoutYear 6. Regardless of how much prepara�on and support children get, it can be a really anxious �me for children even in the best ofcircumstances.

It is easy to underes�mate the amount of stress Year 6 children feel about the transi�on to secondary school. Yes, it should be a yearof being at the top of the school, having more grown up responsibili�es within school, going on residen�al trips, having a leavingparty, and a �me of really close friendships. But is also a �me of great uncertainty for children. The prospect of leaving the small,predictable safety of their primary school to the uncertainty of entering a large secondary is ever present. The step to secondaryschool is massive. Overnight children go from being in the same classroom, with the same pupils and the same teacher to asignificantly bigger school, lots of different pupils, lots of different subjects, lots of different classrooms and lots of different rules andwhere they are at the ‘bo�om’ of the school. Moreover, the expecta�ons placed upon children are hugely different: there ishomework, new subjects, the possibility of deten�on, new ways of ge�ng to school, lots of new classrooms to find the way to, newsocial groups to establish, new bullies to deal with.

For Year 6 children this year, they have had li�le, if any, of the prepara�on schools commonly put in place for the transi�on to Year7. No visits to the new school, no visits to their school from secondary teachers or pupils, no residen�al trips with childrentransi�oning from other primaries. And, so far, no closure either – no leaving assembly, no planning for a leavers party, no summerfayre.

Essen�ally, many Year 6 children will have had all of the worry but without any of the prepara�on that helps to reduce the worry. And certainly, none of the fun that comes with being in Year 6. For some, lockdown will have served as an opportunity to avoidthinking about it – they can be at home where they feel safe and not have the constant reminder that they will be leaving theirschool soon. For others, the worries may have been bubbling about quietly on the back burner. Either way, it is important thatschools and parents do as much as they can to support children with the transi�on.

Fear of missing outSome children will also be frustrated that they are having to go to school but their brothers and sisters are not. “Why do they get tostay at home and play games, watch TV and I have to go to school – It’s not fair!” may be the phrase echoing round homes the nightbefore. O�en this may not be about not liking school, or not wan�ng to go to school. Rather, it is connected to the concern thattheir siblings are ge�ng something that they are not.

Anxie�es about illnessSome children may worry about catching the virus if they return to school. Or may worry thattheir parents may catch the virus.

Children who have experienced a recent death within the family, due to coronavirus or because ofother reasons, may feel par�cularly anxious. During the primary years children’s understandingabout death changes. Commonly children begin to understand the universality, permanence andinevitability of death at around age 7. Children younger than this may s�ll be affected by a deathbut it will be more dependent upon how the loss is managed within the household. Older

children will feel the loss more personally.

Suppor�ng children through bereavement is beyond the scope of this guidance but it is importantthat schools are aware if there has been a bereavement within the family so that the school canensure addi�onal supports are in place if needed. It is important to bear in mind that somechildren may find being away from the security of home difficult and it may heighten anxie�esthat they may lose someone else. Others may welcome the distrac�on and the opportunity to beaway from the grief and the grieving. Just as with anyone who has suffered a loss, there is noright way to grieve. Healing takes �me and just because someone doesn’t talk about it doesn’tnecessarily mean they are not feeling it.

BullyingBullying is unfortunately a common occurrence within schools, even primary schools. The success, ability androbustness of an�-bullying responses from schools can be variable. It is possible that some children may bedreading going back to school because they do not want to be back in a situa�on where they are bullied again. They may have enjoyed the respite of being away from it.

If this is a problem for your child, it is essen�al that they are encouraged to talk about what is happening andthat the school is no�fied. A partnership approach between home and school is o�en the most successful andhas the added bonus of giving the child the message that adults are there to help them, and that adults can helpkeep them safe.

It’s going to be differentSome children may also be a bit uncertain because their normal rou�ne is different. Schools are being encouraged to stagger start�mes and have different groups of children in on different days. Class sizes are to be restricted to 15 and children are not permi�edto sit right next to each other. This means that classrooms will look different. Break �mes and lunch�mes are also likely to bemanaged differently from how they used to be. Teachers are clearly mindful that primary children will struggle to do socialdistancing, especially the younger ones but they will feel the pressure to try and keep children and themselves as safe as possible. This is going to be stressful for teachers.

Children of all ages will find social distancing hard. They want to be close to their friends, theywill want to sit by them, they will want to hug them. It is easy to see a situa�on where teachers’pa�ence is wearing thin by the end of the day a�er reminding the children to keep 2m away fromeach other every few minutes. This obviously increases the possibility that some children mayexperience the return to school as one where their teacher is always cross with them.

It is important to remember that home rou�ne is also likely to be different. Some children may beremaining at home. Parents/carers may also be working from home rather than dropping the childoff to school en route to work. Grandparents may not be picking children up a�er school.

It will take �me for everyone to adjust to another new normal.

Parent’s fearsThe ini�al fears that parents and carers have about children returning to school are likely to be very different, at least in thebeginning. Concerns about safety are likely to be very high on the agenda.

Will my child be safe?

Will the teacher be safe?

What is the risk of my child picking up coronavirus and bringing it home and transmi�ng it to other members of the family?

If my child does acquire the virus how badly might they be

affected?

What will happen if they, as parents or carers, become ill? Who will look a�er everyone?

Other parents may struggle with the logis�cs of ge�ng some children to school, having others at home, managing home-schooling,home-working with the various drop-off and pick-ups. Parents who normally relied on grandparents to do some of thetransporta�on may feel that their lives have just become too complicated.

Parents/carers may also be reluctant to return to the stress and chaos of pre-COVID life. Lockdown hasprovided many families with the opportuni�es to be together over extended periods. Whilst few would arguethat this is not without its challenges, the chance to spend �me with their children has been a luxury. For manyof us, this is going to be hard to give up. It is important to be honest with oneself about this. Firstly, becausedoing so allows one to think about what ac�ons need to be taken to priori�se family life going forward. Secondly, not recognising it risks confusing a reluctance to return a child to school with other things e.g. safetyconcerns. If this happens there is a possibility that a child incorrectly picks up on the safety issues and thenfeels scared to return to school.

Strategies to help

Talking about itIt is always helpful for parents and carers to try to talk with their children.

Phrases to use

“I wonder” can be a useful start to a lot of sentences. It avoids things feeling like aninterroga�on:

I wonder what it feels like to go back to school?

I wonder how the classroom is going to look?

I wonder what you will do on your first day back?

I wonder how other children feel about going back to school?

“Wow!” is also useful as it draws a�en�on to things children can be interested in.

Wow! – look at that, all your tables are in different places

Wow! – there are only 15 children in your class. How cool is that?

Wow! You are only in school on Mondays and Wednesday – so, you have two days with Mrs Jones in School and then we get 3

days at home all together. What shall we on those days?!

As you know, empathy is key to paren�ng. No more so than when children are worrying and feeling anxious. It never helps us whenour worries are dismissed as not important. Neither does it help children. Le�ng your child know you have heard their worry andacknowledge how big it is for them goes a long way in actually managing the worry.

For example: words to the effect of “Wow, you are 6 years old and you are worrying about catchingthe virus. That’s a pre�y big worry. I am sorry you are feeling so worried about that. Tell me moreabout how that feels….Shall we try to think of some things that we can do stop thathappening…..first of all what things do you think everyone can to do help stop the virusspreading….second, everyone worries some�mes, can you think of things that might be good wayto help you stop worrying…?

Build up to going back: prepara�on is keyIt can be very helpful to break the return to school into stages for children. The overall prospect can feel overwhelming for childrenbut doing it in stages can be a gentler introduc�on.

As clearly indicated by Neil Davies and Wendy Steer in their children’s book “Harry the Hound Returns to School”, stages mayinclude:

Taking a drive or a walk past the school to help introduce the idea of school. Following the route that children would normally

take to school may be helpful. A gentle, incidental conversa�on about what things used to happen at school, how nice it will be

to see friends, what their teacher is like etc. may also help.

For children who wear school uniform, ge�ng children to try it on can be really useful. Not only does this allow parents/carers

to check to see if it s�ll fits but psychologically it can help children to step back into the role of being a school child. Making this

a fun ac�vity, being playful, being amazed at how much the child has grown (children like to know that they are growing taller)

can all make the no�on of ge�ng into the ‘school zone’ more tolerable.

Parents and carers can also help orientate children towards school by helping them dig out their school bag, get all their pens,

pencils and books together. Talking about what snacks they would like to take to school or what they would like in their packed

lunch. Each li�le thing, done over a number of days prior to the return to school will gradually help children get used to the idea

of going back to school.

Older children may benefit from talking or video-calling friends beforehand. Not knowing whether your

friends are wearing a skirt or summer dress, or shorts or long trousers may seem trivial but can be big

sources of worry for children. Elimina�ng as many of these easily managed worries as possible will just

make life simpler. Arranging to meet friends at the gate before school may be appropriate providing

social distancing requirements can be managed. Having a friend to walk into school with o�en makes

the separa�on from parents/carers easier, for both child and adult.

It is important to remember that children vary in their understanding of �me and of the days of the

week. For younger children the likely reality of only being in school on certain days may be confusing. Simply telling them you

are in school on Tuesdays and Thursdays, is only meaningful if you know the days of the week and know them in the correct

order. Commonly children have an understanding of past, present and future by around age 5. This doesn’t mean that they will

know their days of the week. This doesn’t come un�l much later. Most Year 6 children will be able to do this, although it is

essen�al to remember that children who have missed large periods of school in the past or who come from complex

backgrounds where informal educa�on has been compromised because of parental substance misuse, domes�c violence, serious

mental illness or abuse or neglect may not have yet developed these skills.

Having a calendar at child height, with the days children are in school clearly marked on it and a habit of crossingoff each day before bed can be a helpful introduc�on. This can then give the child a sense of autonomy andindependence.

If they are uncertain about whether they are in school the next day, they can just go and check the calendar ratherthan having to rely on mum or dad to tell them.

Similarly, a visual �metable detailing the jobs they have to do in the morning (ge�ng dress, brushing hair, cleaningteeth etc.) can help children get back into the school rou�ne. Younger children or children who struggle with

literacy may need a pictorial �metable – i.e. pictures of clothes, hairbrush and toothbrush.

Children who can’t sleep:Children worry when they can’t sleep. They worry about what they are worrying about and they worry about being the only oneawake in the house. There is so much I could say about sleep and strategies to help children sleep but it is beyond the remit of thisshort guide. However, here are a couple of strategies that might be useful.

Rou�ne

Most of us have probably let normal bed�mes slip over the course of the pandemic. They are going to bed later and are ge�ng uplater. Normal disciplines around screen �me have become more flexible and the usual bed�me rou�nes are almost distantmemories. If your child has difficul�es sleeping rou�ne is your friend. Having a rou�ne around preparing for bed cues your child’sbody up for sleep. For example:

Bath or shower

PJs on

Warm milk to drink

Brush teeth

Cuddle or chat with mum or dad

Read to themselves or have story read to them

Lights out

The addi�on of certain smells (e.g. lavender) only to be used at bed�me can also be helpful as it helps cue the body for sleep. Itdoesn’t really need saying but I will – a bed�me rou�ne is exactly that – a rou�ne. This means that it happens every night.

Ge�ng the worry out is key.

We all struggle to sleep if we have a worry we keep thinking about. It can be useful for all of us to learn how to manage thecha�ering monkeys in our heads. I find it useful to make a list of things before I go to bed, then tell myself I can’t do anything aboutany of them now. The only thing I have to remember is where I have put the list. In effect it narrows my tasks down to 1. We cando a similar thing with children, although in my experience it is best done in stages depending on the age of the child.

Ge�ng the worry out is important for children too. Get them to draw their worry or write itdown. Ask the child to tell you about their picture or talk more about what they have wri�en. This helps get the worry out of their head. Some�mes this is enough. For other children whoworry a lot, it can be useful to have a set �me of day when you do this. The evening can be usefulas it helps children feel they have a dedicated slot where they can empty out their worries andthen se�le down to sleep. As a strategy it is, of course, only as good as the adults delivering it. Adults need to be prepared to consistently make the �me available to their child.

With older children an extension of this is to suggest that if they have worries over the day, they write them down, put them in aWorry Box and then use this dedicated �me slot to talk about each of them. As children become more confident that you are thereto help you may wish to suggest that they choose their top 3 worries to talk about. This not only keeps the �me spent morecontained but also teaches children about priori�sa�on. The final extension to be done weeks later, is to

reflect on how all the other worries in the Worry Box, the ones that weren’t talked about, just went away by themselves. There is noneed to go over them and review them, just men�on how they aren’t worries any more. Ask the child what they want to do withthese pieces of paper now – keep them or throw them away? Leave it up to the child to decide. They will throw them away whenthey are ready.

Reassurance:It can be temp�ng to say “Don’t worry” to an anxious child and work on the assump�on that this will be enough to stop themworrying. But when was the last �me you were able to do that when someone said “don’t worry” to you? It’s not that easy is it?

For older primary/early secondary aged children a useful alterna�ve can be to enlist thehelp of a hero figure. Simply ask your child to iden�fy someone they like and aspire tobe – someone who is confident, always knows what to do, and who is brave andsuccessful. It doesn’t ma�er who it is – a footballer, film star, pop star, rela�ve, etc. Ifyour child is worried about walking back into school get them to think about what theirhero figure might do and say in that situa�on. For example, what posi�ve messagemight Ronaldo say to himself as he walks up to take a penalty in a cup final? Usuallychildren are able to recognise that their hero would say something posi�ve tothemselves “Go on, you can do this. Focus and concentrate. Be brave,” etc. Once your

child has iden�fied what their hero says, get them to think about having their hero say that to them as they walk back into school. Prac�ce this a few �mes, at first out loud and then in their own heads. Helping children learn a strategy like this teaches them a toolthat they can use in lots of different situa�ons. It’s very different from simply telling them not to worry.

Sensory reminders:For children who are anxious about leaving their parents or carers the introduc�on of a sensory reminder canbe really helpful.

A sensory reminder is an object that helps a child stay connected with their main secure base, usually aparent or carer. Many children will go off happily to school knowing that they have a photo of mum and dadin their bag, or a keyring from home on their pencil case. Having something tangible to touch can when theyneed it can be very comfor�ng. It doesn’t have to be an object. Children can be very sensi�ve to smell. Thesmell of mum’s perfume on a �ssue in their pocket or their uniform smelling of home can also be soothing. Younger children may want to take their favourite teddy to school. Sensible schools will realise that this alsoserves as a wonderful opportunity for children to talk, through their teddy, about what lockdown was like, orwhat their worries were about coming back to school. Children who are reluctant to talk will o�en do so indirectly, through anothermedium. Teddies are great for this.

Gree�ng kids when they get homeRegardless of the age of the child it is really important that parents and carers make special efforts to reconnectwith their child when they come home from school. It can be really temp�ng to just finish that text, get to the endof that bit of work, get some food ready, etc. I can’t emphasise enough how important it is to resist the tempta�onto do these things before reconnec�ng with the child. The child needs to get the message that you are pleased tosee them, enjoy them and have �me for them. Undivided a�en�on is especially important if other siblings havebeen at home with you all day.

Things to look forward to.Having something to look forward to may also be helpful to keep children posi�ve. A family film/curry/pizza night. Or a game in thepark at the weekend or a�er school will help give children the message that they are not missing out on all the fun by going back toschool.

Year 6 childrenWhilst all of the above strategies can be useful to all year groups, Year 6 children may need some par�cular considera�on.

As indicated, this year’s Year 6 have missed out on a lot of the prepara�on for moving to a senior school and also the closures ofleaving primary. Some children will be feeling increasingly anxious about moving onto Year 7. This anxiety may well increasefollowing the return to school for the final term as it necessarily comes back into focus.

Concerns children may have include:

Friendships . Will I lose my exis�ng friends when I go to my new school? Will I make new friends? Will my exis�ng friends make

new friends and leave me behind? Will people like me?

Bullying . Will I get bullied? What do I do if I get bullied?

Ge�ng to school. In my personal experience there is a lot of unnecessary angst about buses – am I going to be on the same bus

as my friend? Where does the bus go from? Where do I get off the bus? What �me does the bus go? How will I know which bus

to get on to come home? Ordinarily some of these are easier to resolve than others. O�en educa�on authori�es cannot specify

who is on which bus un�l a few days before the start of term when they know exactly who needs transport. This year, with

social distancing restric�ons, it is likely that there will be even more uncertainty.

School work. Will I be able to do the work? What happens if I can’t? Will I have deten�ons if I can’t do the work? Will there be

a lot of homework? Will I be able to do it? Is there anyone to help me?

A�er school. What happens a�er school? Will anybody be at home when I get home.

Again, prepara�on is key. Parents and carers can do a lot to help children prepare and orientate children to the transi�on. Things totry might include:

Driving by the new school together

Looking at the school prospectus, highligh�ng all the different ac�vi�es that are on offer. Talking about the things the child

might like to do. Of course, it is unclear at the moment exactly what will be possible. In COVID terms September is a long way

off. But we are not endeavouring to sign children up here - rather just orientate them towards going to school and help them

feel more posi�ve about it.

It is important to make �me to talk with your child about the transi�on ahead of them. Talk about what it was like for you when

you moved school. Knowing that you had worries but have survived them is helpful for children.

Talking about how the child will be ge�ng to school. What the plan is if they miss the bus. Reassure them that they won’t get

into trouble if they miss the bus.

New school uniform. This is tricky. Uniforms are expensive and nobody wants to buy too early only to have their child grow out

of it before September, especially in the current climate where finances may be especially short. However, having the uniform in

advance can be a really helpful way to help orientate a child towards their future. Speaking from personal experience, I was

amazed by the degree to which just pu�ng on the uniform from the new school helped my daughter embody her new self and

feel that she no longer went to that school (primary) but rather she belonged to this school (secondary). The transforma�on was

almost instant. We complimented her on how she looked and took photographs and she never really looked back. Of course,

this won’t be the same for all children, but as with all these strategies, it is a ma�er of finding the ones that work for your child.

Closure and honouring �me spent at primary school

Given that many Year 6 children will have limited �me to work towards a closure of their primary years, any efforts to mark this arewelcome. There will be marked na�onal differences in the �me available for this through the school route. Some schools may beable to have final assemblies or End of Primary ac�vi�es, other may not.

The point to bear in mind here, is that these events are not just about children enjoyingthemselves. They are rituals that help bring closure and an end to things. They are part of thegoodbye and as such help children move forward.

If your child is not able to take part in these events, either because the schools are not back orbecause they are not in school because of safety concerns, you can s�ll do things to help.

Making a photo album of your child’s years in primary. Trawl through your phone and print off

as many pictures as you are able, put them in an album together with any cer�ficates, badges and records from school you have.

Many schools have a parents’ WhatsApp group or similar. Share ideas and materials with other parents, even if it is just a few

parents from your child’s friendship group

Have a virtual sleepover/film night/games night, etc. to mark the end of term.

Start a secondary school scrapbook where informa�on and pictures of the new school are held.

Special considera�on for Year 6 girlsOne thing to bear in mind if you are the carer of a Year 6 girl is the issue of puberty and the onset of periods. Parents o�en tell methat Year 6 and into Year 7 is a difficult year. Many parents feel frustrated by their daughter’s increasing moodiness and poora�tude. There may be a number of different reasons for this, one of which is the changing hormones that precede menarche

(commencement of periods). In the UK most girls start their periods between the ages of 10 and 16. The average age is 12, althoughsome girls can start as young as 8. Whilst the strops and the moods can be frustra�ng, it can be helpful to bear in mind that it maybe hormonal and largely out of your child’s conscious control. If you suspect that it may be hormone related, plot the moods on acalendar as this may help things become more predictable. Overall, be gentle. It is hard being 11 and 12. They do have a lot to bemaking sense of and they need you to walk with them through it.

DisclosuresThere is evidence to suggest that rates of domes�c violence have increased during the past few month and thereare likely to be children within these homes.

Professionals should be mindful of the increased chance of disclosure from the children they are working with.

The TRM Academy book on working with children who disclosure provides informa�on about how best to supportthem.

You don’t have to be perfectIt is hard being a parent at the best of �mes. Paren�ng through lockdown can be a real challenge, especially if you have had caringresponsibili�es for others outside the home, or if you are juggling it all on your own with limited resources and/or have lost lovedones. None of us are perfect parents. We are all just muddling along as best we can. The knowledge that they are loved and caredabout is the greatest gi� we can give our children. A few minutes where they have our undivided a�en�on is priceless. Andsome�mes that is all we can do.

It is also important that you take care of you too. Managing the stress of caring for child(ren) doesn’t come easily. It is something welearn how to do. And even then, most of us need reminders on how to do it well. Jonny Ma�hew’s book and our online course‘Looking A�er No. 1” provides useful �ps on how to avoid ge�ng burned out and how to take be�er care of ourselves.

Resources

Aimed at age 6-11 year-oldsNeil Davies & Wendy Steer (2020) Harry the Hound Returns to School. Part picture book, part workbook. The worksheet can beused with children of all aged who may be nervous about returning to school.

Early primaryIronside, V. (1996) The Huge Bag of Worries. Hodder Children’s Books, London - A great book to read with younger children who areprone to worrying a lot.

Year 6 GirlsHolyoke N. (2018) Drama, Rumors & Secrets: Staying True to Yourself in Changing Times. American Girl Publishing.

Woodburn J. & Holyoake N. (2018) Worry: How to feel less stressed and have more fun. American Girl Publishing.

For parents and carersMa�hew, J. (2016) Looking A�er No.1: Self-Care for People Working with Troubled Children. Also available as an Online Course.

Ma�hew, J. (2019) What to do When Children Disclose

Last modified: Wednesday, 3 June 2020, 8:35 AM