7/29/2019 Understanding Sibling Rivalry

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Family and Consumer Sciences

Understanding Sibling Rivalry

Probably nothing upsets parents more from day today than bickering and fighting between brothersand sisters. Some rivalry and conflict is to be expectedamong siblings and is actually considered a normal partof growing up. Children are learning to get along withothers and this includes their brothers and sisters.

There are natural reasons for sibling rivalry:

siblings are often different sexes

they are different ages

they have different temperaments and personalities

competition for the attention of parents and otherfamily members

normal jealousy of what a sibling has or is allowed to do

ordinary teasing that children do

Handling the Bickering and Fighting

Try not to get involved in the fight or conflict; let thechildren work it out. The time to step in is before anyphysical violence or emotional abuse, such as bullyingbetween children.

If the children know you will not ordinarily step in,they usually can find a solution themselves. Do not getcaught in the middle where you have to take sides orplace blame without knowing all the details. If necessary,separate the children and do the detective work laterwhen everyone is calm and in control. Do not be too

quick to blame the older child; the younger sibling maysometimes be the one who started the conflict.

Ways to Reduce Sibling Rivalry

Give undivided attention. Try to spend time alone witheach child doing something that they enjoy each day.

Encourage feelings of worth. Praise children for whothey are, not just for what they can do.

Dont always insist on sharing. Each child is entitledto certain possessions that should not have to beshared with anyone.

Dont expect your children to play together all thetime. They need some freedom from each other.

Allow the older child to have his or her own wayat least half the time. Sometimes in our efforts toprotect the younger child, we treat or blame the olderchild unfairly.

Emphasize family unity and belonging. Remind your

children that no matter how unpleasant their behaviormight be, they will always belong to you and eachother. This will help provide inner security and helpthem feel brotherly and sisterly love.

Consult your children. A child can often give insighton what another sibling might be struggling with ortrying to express.

Dont focus on the misbehavior, but acknowledge andreward appropriate behavior.

More information on sibling rivalry can be foundon the Kidshealth.org website at http://kidshealth.org/

parent/emotions/feelings/sibling_rivalry.html#.

ReferencesGrowing Up With Brothers and Sisters. Love and Limits:

Parenting With Good Sense, Minnesota ExtensionService.

Molgaard. (February 2007).Sibling Rivalry. UnderstandingChildren. Iowa State University Extension. AccessedApril 2, 2010 at http://www.extension.iastate.edu/Publications/PM1529I.pdf.

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Understanding Sibling Rivalrypage 2

Here Is an Idea for Inside or Outside PlayAre you concerned that your child may be spending too much time watching television,

on the computer, or playing video games and not getting enough physical exercise? If so,

why not get them up and moving with a fun game of Exercise Tosser? The supplies youneed to play the game can be made from items around your home.

Materials:

Paper cut into a large circle (you may use a paper plate)ScissorsCrayons1 penny or other small object

Directions:

Help your child divide the circle into four sections with a crayon. In each section,write or draw an exercise (toe touches, jumping jacks, etc.) in a different color. Toss thepenny onto the plate. Have your child lead the exercise the penny hits. When an exerciseis repeated, your child can think of a new way to do this exercise (backwards, in slowmotion, etc.). This is a great game for siblings to play together, along with other kids inyour neighborhood. Have fun moving!

Source:

Grawemeyer, B. (November 2003). Fitness Is Fun. Cloverbud Program CurriculumInstruction Materials. 710 GPM 3.2. Ohio State University Extension.

Author: Kathy L. Jelley, Extension Educator, Family and Consumer Sciences, Brown County.

Revised by: Betsy DeMatteo, Extension Program CoordinatorFamily and Consumer Sciences, Hamilton County.

Edited by: Rose Fisher Merkowitz, Extension EducatorFamily and Consumer Sciences, Highland County.

Kathy L. Jelley, Extension EducatorFamily and Consumer Sciences, Brown County.

Scott Scheer, Professor and Extension SpecialistHuman and Community Resource Development and

4-H Youth Development, Ohio State University.