Wordy SentencesLong sentences are not necessarily wordy, nor are short sentences always concise. A

sentence is wordy if it can be tightened without loss of meaning.

Eliminate Redundancies

Writers often repeat themselves unnecessarily, thinking that

expressions such as cooperate together, yellow in color, or basic essentials add emphasis to their

writing. In reality, such redundancies do just the

opposite. There is no need to say the same thing twice.

Example 1“Daniel is now employed at a private

rehabilitation center working as a registered physical therapist.”

“Daniel works at a private rehabilitation center as a registered

physical therapist.”

Example 2“Sylvia very hurriedly scribbled her

name, address, and phone number on a greasy napkin.”

“Sylvia scribbled her name, address, and phone number on a greasy

napkin.”

Example 2“Gabriele Muccino’s film The Pursuit

of Happyness tells the story of a single father determined in his mind

to pull himself and his son out of homelessness.”

“Gabriele Muccino’s film The Pursuit of Happyness tells the story of a single father determined to pull himself and

his son out of homelessness.”

Avoid unnecessary repetition of words

Example 1

“Our fifth patient, in room six, is a mentally ill patient.”

“Our fifth patient, in room six, is mentally ill.”

Example 2A study by the Henry J. Kaiser Family

Foundation (2004) studied the effects of diet and exercise on childhood obesity.”

A study by the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation (2004) measured the effects of diet

and exercise on childhood obesity.”

Cut empty words or inflated phrases

An empty phrase can be cut with little or no loss of meaning. Common examples are

introductory word groups that weaken the writer’s authority by apologizing or hedging: In my opinion, I think that, it seems that, one

must admit that.

These phrases will also be known as “Slow Wind-ups” when applied to the

Paramedic Method.

Inflated Concise1.along the lines of

2.as a matter of fact

3.at all times

4.at the present time

5.at this point in time

6.because of the fact that

7.in fact

8.always

9.now, currently

10.now, currently

11.because

12.jbikj

1. like

2. in fact

3. always

4. now, currently

5. now, currently

6. because

Inflated Concise1.by means of

2.by virtue of the fact that

3.due to the fact that

4.for the purpose of

5.for the reason that

6.have the ability to

1. by

2. because

3. because

4. for

5. because

6. be able to, can

Inflated Concise1.in light of the fact

that

2.in order to

3.in spite of the fact that

4.in the even that

5.in the final analysis

6.in the nature of

1. because

2. to

3. although, though

4. if

5. finally

6. like

Examples“In my opinion, our current

immigration policy is misguided.”

“Our current immigration policy is misguided.”“We are unable to provide funding, at this

point in time.”“We are unable to provide funding now.”

Simplify the structure

If the structure of a sentence is needlessly indirect, try simplifying it. Look for opportunities

to strengthen the verb.

Example 1“The financial analyst claimed that because of a volatile market conditions she could not make an estimate of the company’s future

profits.” “The financial analyst claimed that because of a

volatile market conditions she could not estimate the company’s future profits.”

Example 2“Investigators were involved in examining

the effect of classical music on unborn babies.”

“Investigators examined the effect of classical music on unborn babies.”

Example 4“There is another module that tells the story of

Charles Darwin and introduces the theory of evolution.”

“Another module tells the story of Charles Darwin and introduces the theory of evolution.”

Example 5“It is imperative that all night managers follow strict procedures when locking the

safe.”“All night managers must follow strict procedures when locking the safe.”

Reduce clause to phrases, phrases to single words

Example 1“We took a side trip to Monticello, which was the home of Thomas

Jefferson.”

“We took a side trip to Monticello, the home of Thomas Jefferson.”

Example 2“In the essay, that follows, I argue against

Immanuel Kant’s claim that we should not lie under any circumstances, which is a

problematic assertion.”“In this essay, I argue against Immanuel Kant’s problematic claim that we should

not lie under any circumstances.