Key Facets of Marriage
• Human evolution and value system • Happiness and value of personal space • Togetherness • Attitudes, behavior and culture • Cooperation with commitment • Dealing with situations in life • Compatibility of goals • Significance of love and compassion • References
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Human Evolution
• Everyone aspires to pitch into evolution of human society through – Procreation leading to betterment of humankind – Quality, effectiveness and efficiency of actions – Ongoing enrichment of one’s own character
throughout life • Everyone achieves each of the above at
varying degrees depending on their inclination • Value system is key to enriching character
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Value System
• Compatibility of value systems of a couple is critical. Some important values are – Sense of purpose – Trust, Transparency, Integrity – Basic code of conduct – Compassion – Constructive interactions with spouse and family – Work ethic, Passion – Symbiotic interactions with society
• Sense of purpose is the key driver for life
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Sense of Purpose
• All living beings have a sense of purpose built into their genes enabling them to evolve over a period of time
• Over and above this built-in sense of purpose, human beings have an opportunity to evolve at a faster rate because of their creative urge
• Family is the basic unit for supporting human evolution based on a shared sense of purpose
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Happiness
• Everyone wants to be happy • Some types of happiness and its duration
– Satiation of cravings (extremely short term) – Possession of desirable objects (short term)
– Sustaining personal relationships (longer term) – Cohesive family (long term) – Joy experienced while dealing with all situations in
life - leveraging knowledge of true self (longest)
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Value of Personal Space
• Achieving long term happiness calls for ongoing attention to – Knowing one’s own strengths, and more
importantly weaknesses – Perception of the personality of individuals
around you – Dealing with situations in life based on the above
• This requires sound mind in a sound body and some personal space to achieve that
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Togetherness
• Family provides a foundation for – Warmth experienced in togetherness
• Sense of security • Emotional support among the members to enable them
to develop tenderness and toughness
– The art of living with the help of family members – Teaching children from parents’ own mistakes
• For a new couple, attitudinal, behavioral and cultural cohesiveness is a challenge
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Attitudes
• Constructive – in your own mind are you happy – For each other’s achievements ? – To be supporting independent interests of spouse? – To provide complementary reinforcement? – To be adding value to the spouse ?
• Counter-productive – in your own mind do you – Have goals and time demands substantially conflicting
with the spouse’s? – Compete with or are envious of your spouse ?
• Attitudes make or break a relationship
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Cooperation with Commitment • Cooperation is easier when there is commitment
from the couple to – Each other and to children – Speech with tone and style that is beneficial to the
listener, non-provocative and truthful but inoffensive – Demonstrate behavioral and cultural cohesiveness – The institute of marriage – Larger family, friends and families of friends – Community
• This prepares all family members to deal with situations in life
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Dealing with Situations • Usually a mix of three types of approaches
– Instinctual reactions found in all living beings – Responses driven by emotions – Considered decisions
• Spouses need to level their approaches – To enrich each other and the family – To support each other in times of need
• In dealing with situations in life, balancing instinctual, emotional and thoughtful approaches leads to sustainable relationships and achievement of goals
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Compatibility of Goals
• Personal – Health , Hobbies etc.
• Occupational – attitude to work – Work is fun – dedication to whatever you do – Earn money to support a pre-determined life style – Work to support open ended lifestyle needs – Engagement in professional communities
• Social – related to – Immediate family, Larger family, Social work
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Prioritization of Goals
• Mutual understanding and acceptance of prioritization of goals is key
• Complementary priorities are sustainable • Anticipate and accommodate changes in
priorities over time due to – Personal growth – Progression in the occupation – Extent of time commitment to children by parents,
grand parents – Family events, Health events
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Long Term Goals
• Goals as an individual • Shared goals as a family • Seeking work-life balance ? • Level of commitment to goals • Time demands over a period for each goal • A considered mix of shared and
complementary goals in a family promotes harmony and love
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Significance of Love
• Love as an emotion is exhilarating and impacts a small number of people
• Love as a commitment is fulfilling and has a deeper impact
• Love as an attitude is inspiring and transformative, and has the deepest and the widest impact
• Mutual sharing, adjusting, understanding, accepting and forgiving nurtures affection
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Summary • Family is the basic unit for supporting human
evolution based on a shared sense of purpose. It is vital for each member to be happy and evolve as an individual
• This requires sound mind in a sound body and some personal space is critical to achieve that
• For a new couple, attitudinal, behavioral and cultural cohesiveness is a challenge and is a key as well as a lever
• Expect and accommodate changes in priority of goals over a period of time
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Summary • In dealing with situations in life, balancing
instinctual, emotional and thoughtful approaches leads to sustainable relationships and achievement of goals
• A considered mix of shared and complementary goals in a family promotes harmony and love1
• Mutual sharing, adjusting, understanding, accepting and forgiving nurtures love and affection
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References
1. “A Ready Reckoner for Experiential Learning - The Context” - A personal perspective by Amit V Mehta
This two page document is available on www.slideshare.net and www.issuu.com
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