A canvas for painting a happy marriage

A Canvas for Painting a Happy Marriage

A perspective by Amit V Mehta June 26, 2016

Key Facets of Marriage

• Human evolution and value system • Happiness and value of personal space • Togetherness • Attitudes, behavior and culture • Cooperation with commitment • Dealing with situations in life • Compatibility of goals • Significance of love and compassion • References

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Human Evolution

• Everyone aspires to pitch into evolution of human society through – Procreation leading to betterment of humankind – Quality, effectiveness and efficiency of actions – Ongoing enrichment of one’s own character

throughout life • Everyone achieves each of the above at

varying degrees depending on their inclination • Value system is key to enriching character


Value System

• Compatibility of value systems of a couple is critical. Some important values are – Sense of purpose – Trust, Transparency, Integrity – Basic code of conduct – Compassion – Constructive interactions with spouse and family – Work ethic, Passion – Symbiotic interactions with society

• Sense of purpose is the key driver for life


Sense of Purpose

• All living beings have a sense of purpose built into their genes enabling them to evolve over a period of time

• Over and above this built-in sense of purpose, human beings have an opportunity to evolve at a faster rate because of their creative urge

• Family is the basic unit for supporting human evolution based on a shared sense of purpose


Happiness

• Everyone wants to be happy • Some types of happiness and its duration

– Satiation of cravings (extremely short term) – Possession of desirable objects (short term)

– Sustaining personal relationships (longer term) – Cohesive family (long term) – Joy experienced while dealing with all situations in

life - leveraging knowledge of true self (longest)


Value of Personal Space

• Achieving long term happiness calls for ongoing attention to – Knowing one’s own strengths, and more

importantly weaknesses – Perception of the personality of individuals

around you – Dealing with situations in life based on the above

• This requires sound mind in a sound body and some personal space to achieve that


Togetherness

• Family provides a foundation for – Warmth experienced in togetherness

• Sense of security • Emotional support among the members to enable them

to develop tenderness and toughness

– The art of living with the help of family members – Teaching children from parents’ own mistakes

• For a new couple, attitudinal, behavioral and cultural cohesiveness is a challenge


Attitudes

• Constructive – in your own mind are you happy – For each other’s achievements ? – To be supporting independent interests of spouse? – To provide complementary reinforcement? – To be adding value to the spouse ?

• Counter-productive – in your own mind do you – Have goals and time demands substantially conflicting

with the spouse’s? – Compete with or are envious of your spouse ?

• Attitudes make or break a relationship


Cooperation with Commitment • Cooperation is easier when there is commitment

from the couple to – Each other and to children – Speech with tone and style that is beneficial to the

listener, non-provocative and truthful but inoffensive – Demonstrate behavioral and cultural cohesiveness – The institute of marriage – Larger family, friends and families of friends – Community

• This prepares all family members to deal with situations in life

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Dealing with Situations • Usually a mix of three types of approaches

– Instinctual reactions found in all living beings – Responses driven by emotions – Considered decisions

• Spouses need to level their approaches – To enrich each other and the family – To support each other in times of need

• In dealing with situations in life, balancing instinctual, emotional and thoughtful approaches leads to sustainable relationships and achievement of goals

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Compatibility of Goals

• Personal – Health , Hobbies etc.

• Occupational – attitude to work – Work is fun – dedication to whatever you do – Earn money to support a pre-determined life style – Work to support open ended lifestyle needs – Engagement in professional communities

• Social – related to – Immediate family, Larger family, Social work

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Prioritization of Goals

• Mutual understanding and acceptance of prioritization of goals is key

• Complementary priorities are sustainable • Anticipate and accommodate changes in

priorities over time due to – Personal growth – Progression in the occupation – Extent of time commitment to children by parents,

grand parents – Family events, Health events

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Long Term Goals

• Goals as an individual • Shared goals as a family • Seeking work-life balance ? • Level of commitment to goals • Time demands over a period for each goal • A considered mix of shared and

complementary goals in a family promotes harmony and love

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Significance of Love

• Love as an emotion is exhilarating and impacts a small number of people

• Love as a commitment is fulfilling and has a deeper impact

• Love as an attitude is inspiring and transformative, and has the deepest and the widest impact

• Mutual sharing, adjusting, understanding, accepting and forgiving nurtures affection

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Summary • Family is the basic unit for supporting human

evolution based on a shared sense of purpose. It is vital for each member to be happy and evolve as an individual

• This requires sound mind in a sound body and some personal space is critical to achieve that

• For a new couple, attitudinal, behavioral and cultural cohesiveness is a challenge and is a key as well as a lever

• Expect and accommodate changes in priority of goals over a period of time

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Summary • In dealing with situations in life, balancing

instinctual, emotional and thoughtful approaches leads to sustainable relationships and achievement of goals

• A considered mix of shared and complementary goals in a family promotes harmony and love1

• Mutual sharing, adjusting, understanding, accepting and forgiving nurtures love and affection

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References

1. “A Ready Reckoner for Experiential Learning - The Context” - A personal perspective by Amit V Mehta

This two page document is available on www.slideshare.net and www.issuu.com

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http://www.slideshare.net/

Self Improvement

A canvas for painting a happy marriage