Men are from Mars, Women are from

Venus: Gender and

Communication

Dubuque Circles InitiativeLeadership Track Series

“Male-female conversation is cross-cultural communication.”

Why We Communicate

Women

Seeking connection Build and maintain

relationships with others

Talking is the essence of relationships

Men

Seeking status When it makes them

look good, strong, competitive, or independent

Communication Styles

Women

Express emotions Share personal

feelings Relate stories Listen empathically

(also called rapport talk)

Men

Competitive joking Assertive speech

that wins control of the conversation (report talk)

Differing Perceptions

Women: Connection Lens

Look for similarities to achieve connection

Try to achieve equality

Men: Status Lens

Look for differences to achieve status

Young boys try to “one up” each other

Strength of personalities means height of status

Non-Verbal Communication

Women

Direct, face-to-face gaze

Used to focus on connection

Misinterpret no eye contact as a sign of not listening

Men Avoid direct eye

contact Are still listening,

although they may not look directly at you

Misinterpret direct eye contact as a confrontational or flirtatious

Conversational Rituals

Women

Use compliments Related to the

connection dimension

Men

Use playful insults and teasing

Related to the status dimension

Small Talk

Women

Talking about personal subjects in order to give sense of connection

Ex: “How’s your family?”

Men

Focuses on information – details, statistics

Ex: sports and hobbies

Women

Men

Giving Orders

Women

Indirect Use strategies not to

appear bossy Men interpret this

as: Not being managerial Easier to say “NO”

Men

Direct Dictate orders Not bossy or

offensive Women interpret this

as: Impoliteness Overbearing

Expectations for how an authority figure

should speak is based upon men in authority If a woman is direct (masculine) she appears

pushy or bossy If a woman is indirect (feminine) she appears

incompetent

The “Double Blind” for Women

Most men and women don’t grasp that

“talking through their problems” with each other will only make things worse if it’s their divergent ways of talking that are causing the trouble in the first place

If we recognize and understand the differences, we can take them into account, adjust to, and learn from each other’s styles

This will allow us to confront real conflicts of interest

Why Is This Important?

Some Survival Tips

Women

Give ides outright without disclaimer

Be more concrete when giving orders

Men

Give compliments more freely

Use praise to temper criticism

Asks for another’s opinion to make them feel included