How to flirt

How to Flirt

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Flirting is, at its most basic, a way to get toknow people you might be interested in dating.It might seem nerve-wracking to start flirtingand put yourself out there, but fear not—it'snormal to be nervous around someone youreally like, and there are ways to seemconfident and pull off a successful flirtation.Here are some pointers for flirting withsomeone over text, as well as in-person.

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Method 1 of 2: Flirting via Text or Chat


1) Keep your approach casual. Don't letyourself get so nervous that you forget basicconversational skills. Instead, try to stay calmand open the conversation with a low-pressureway. Here are some possible openers:

"Hey, how's it going?""Did you see/hear [insert event you both

know about here]?"





2) Don't talk about yourself too much. Here's afundamental tenet of talking to people you cankeep in mind: The majority of people are mostcomfortable talking about themselves becauseit's a topic they know well. Instead of taking theeasy way out and discussing you endlessly,encourage the other person to talk aboutthemselves. However, you can and shouldoccasionally throw some personal facts in theperson's direction to help them to in turn askquestions about you. The key is to leave it up tothem to pursue an interest in things relevant toyourself.

This tactic actually serves two purposes: Notonly does it keep the conversation going, but itallows you to find out more about your crush.





You don't have to possess prior information about theother person to do this step. If you don't know him or hervery well yet, you can ask:

"How'd your day go?""So, what do you do with your free time?"

If you do know the other person a bit, focus on a hobby orinterest you're already aware of. For instance, maybe he'sreally into basketball, or you know she loves to read. "Didyou see the game last night?" or "Have you read any goodbooks lately?" would be great starts.Know when to press for more information. You can keepthe discussion lively and interesting without probing toodeeply on personal topics. For instance, asking your crushwhat exactly he or she likes about running cross-countrywould be a great idea; asking him or her for more detailson family relationships or close friendships would be toomuch, too soon.





3) Compliment your crush early in the conversation.Don't chicken out and skip this step — it might seemdifficult, but it's incredibly important. A complimentcommunicates that you're potentially interested indating, and steers you away from the dreaded friend-zone. If you skip paying your crush a compliment andsimply keep the conversation on a friendly level, it mightbe too late next time. Here are some basic complimentsyou could use:

If you don't know your crush very well yet, but you'reworking on it, use a compliment oriented in thisdirection. Something like:

"You're fascinating. I LOVE talking with you.""I kind of can't believe I'm getting to know someone

as gorgeous and interesting as you."





Use your crush's other interests to your advantage. If youknow this person is dating (or interested in) someone else,you can use this to your advantage in a compliment.

Say something like, "I hope [other person] knows howlucky he/she is to be dating you."

Or, if that person comes up in the conversation, you couldjokingly throw out something like "I'm super jealous of[name], he/she has something I REALLY want ;)". If yourcrush presses and asks what it is, play coy and saysomething like, "I can't tell you, but it's about someonebeautiful/amazing/talented/[other adjective]."

Try weaving the compliment into the conversation. Forinstance, if the girl you like is talking about how she had aterrible day, you could say something like "I hate seeingsomeone as beautiful as you feel so unhappy. What can I doto help?"





Be careful about complimenting looks. A girl might like it if you notice her eyes, but she might label you as creepy if you say she has a nice figure too soon. Play it safe and stick to these physical features:

EyesSmileLipsHairHands

Be bold. If none of the suggestions above appeal to you, go for broke and pay your crush a bold compliment. Try these possibilities, using the adjective that fits your crush best or substituting your own:

"I hope you know you're gorgeous/beautiful/amazing/my favorite person to talk to/etc."

"Sorry if this is too forward, but I have to say that you're incredible/an amazing person/so beautiful/etc."





Avoid loading compliments with feelings too early. Leaving aperson slightly uncertain of the extent of your feelings forthem can increase your attractiveness, giving you a bit of amysterious edge. The point is not to make the personquestion whether you like them at all, but to make themwonder how much you like them. This will encourage themto interact with you more in order to find out, in essence,making them pursue you rather than the other way around.This is similar to the practice of "negging" in that the goal istoo convince the other person to pursue you instead of theopposite way around, however this method does not revolvearound negatively manipulating the target's self-esteem, andas such is much more ethical. To achieve this, try phrasingcompliments objectively rather than subjectively. Here areexamples of objective vs subjective compliments:





"I really like your eyes, they're so pretty.". On the surfacethis compliment may seem fine, and it probably would beappreciated. However a common flaw in phrasing a romanticcompliment is to constantly use the words "I like/love *inserttrait here*". They tell the person that they've succeeded inwinning your heart. This is great if you've already built up asolid relationship, but early on it can make you seem "tooeasy".

"You have great eyes, they're very pretty". Althoughtechnically both sentences are you conveying that you like theperson's eyes, this one makes it more of an observation than apersonal opinion. It implies that you find the person attractivebut does not confirm it outright. As such, the receiver will feelboth flattered and drawn to figure out how much attractiveyou find them.





4) Tease gently. Because you can't use body language to communicate over text or chat, you'll have to rely on your words to keep the mood light and fun. Rely on inside jokes (based on events you were both present for), sarcasm ("Yeah, I'm SURE you look like an ogre in the morning ;)"), and exaggeration ("You're probably a million times better at this than I am") in the beginning.

Make it clear that you're kidding. The drawback of using text to communicate is that you can't always read the emotion behind the words. If you're going to flirt with someone by teasing them, make extra sure that you're implying it's a joke. You can use winking smiley faces, all caps, or exclamation points to communicate this.

If you've already sent something that could be interpreted the wrong way, make your meaning crystal clear. Say something like "(joke)" or "jk" to make a quick save.





5) Always leave them wanting more. As much as you might want to text this person forever, it's best to bow out before the conversation goes stale (as all conversations are bound to do at some point). The best way to avoid an awkward pause is to leave before one happens.

Set up your next interaction before you go. Throw out something like "Hey, so I'll see you around tomorrow?" or "Text me again sometime."

Note that you enjoyed the conversation just before you leave. It doesn't have to be complicated — a simple "This was awesome" or "I had a good time talking to you" is enough.

Be careful not to over-compliment them. Your compliments will have a lot less meaning if you bestow them for every single positive trait the person has. Instead reserve them for meaningful things that are important to the person, such as complimenting a skill they take pride in.



Method 2 of 2: Flirting In-Person


1) Make eye contact. Eye contact is the best andeasiest thing you can do to start flirting.Consider using it in these ways:

Get caught looking. Don't stare, but do throwsmall glances at someone. Keep doing it until heor she catches you. Hold the gaze for a second,smile, and look away.

Look into his or her eyes when you talk,particularly at meaningful points in theconversation (for example, while you're paying acompliment).

Wink. It's cheesy, but it works if usedsparingly. Do it when you're looking at someonefrom across a room, or if you're talking in agroup and say something really meant for him orher.





2) Smile. You'll probably smile automatically ifyou're talking to someone you like, but you canuse your pearly whites to your advantage beforethe conversation even starts. Try these variations:

Smile slowly. If you're looking at someone butnot talking to them, try letting a slow smilespread over your face instead of breaking into aninsta-grin. It's hard to say why, but slow, languidsmiles are generally considered sexy.

Smile when you make eye contact. If you'resuddenly looking into someone's eyes, toss in asmile for extra appeal. (If it's a genuine smile, theother person will see it without even looking atyour mouth — it will crinkle your eyes, and isknown as a Duchenne smile.)





3) Start talking. Take the next opportunity tocasually say hello next time you see this person.You don't have to commit to a full conversation —acknowledging him or her in passing as you walkby can be sufficient for a first contact.

Make a habit of verbally acknowledging yourcrush. This can lead to conversation later.





4) Introduce yourself — or maintain the mystery(optional). If you don't already know the personyou're flirting with, an introduction (or lack of one)can be a great thing to build flirting around.

If your crush doesn't know your name and you'rea naturally gregarious person, try introducingyourself at some point. It can be as simple as, "Hi,I'm [name]. And you are...?" Make sure you get theother person's name. To help yourself remember it,try repeating it after he or she says it to you. (Suchas "Lily. I love that name.")

Or, if you want to make yourself seem like a bit ofa challenge, work to keep your identity a mystery fora little while. If the other person really wants toknow, he or she will ask around or keep pursuingyou.





5) Initiate a conversation. Whether you already knowthe other person or not, a conversation is the best wayto move the flirtation forward. Here are a fewguidelines:

Talk to someone you don't already know. Perhaps thebest way to strike up a conversation is to start with anobservation which ends with a question: "Nice day, isn'tit?" or "This place sure is packed, eh?" What you sayisn't important — you are simply inviting the person totalk with you.

Find common ground with someone you do know. Ifyou've already met the other person, strike up aconversation based on a shared experience or interest.For instance, you might talk about a class you're takingtogether, or the train you both take to work. Again, thetopic itself doesn't matter — what matters is that you'reinviting him or her to interact with you.





Gauge the response. If the person respondspleasantly, continue the conversation. If theperson doesn't respond or seems preoccupiedor disinterested, he or she probably isn'tinterested in flirting with you.Keep it light. Don't bring up anything toopersonal when you're talking. Talk about theenvironment around you, the show you justsaw, etc. Keep personal information (such asreligion, money, relationships, education, andso on) out of it, unless the person enjoysintellectual debates without becoming over-emotional. Generally, it's best to avoiddebating topics personally relevant to either ofyou (such as either yours or their religion), andto rather discuss topics you both don't have apersonal stake in.





6) Use body language to communicate yourintentions. Non-verbal cues can say a lot moreabout how you feel than what's actuallycoming out of your mouth, so make sureyou're communicating how you feel. Try thefollowing:

Keep your stance "open." Don't cross yourarms or legs, as these are generally signs thatyou wish to isolate yourself from the otherperson.

Turn your body toward the other person.Stand or sit so that you're facing the personyou're flirting up. Angle your torso toward himor her, or point your feet in that direction.





Break the "touch barrier". Casually initiate physicalcontact by touching him or her on the forearm as youtalk, or by "accidentally" walking too close andbrushing up against the other person.

The first few times you touch your crush, be carefulnot to "trap" them. Depending on the area thecontact should be long enough to be more thanaccidental, but no more. Avoid grasping a hand orarm, and instead try gestures such as brushing animaginary speck of dirt off of their arm, or"accidentally" touching feet or knees without pullingaway. All of these touches can be rejected withouthumiliation or offense, so if your crush is not readyfor that kind of contact, you will not be forcing themto reject you entirely.





Play with your hair (girls). Playing with yourhair is usually a sign of nervousness, which is agood thing if you like the other person — youalmost want him or her to know you'renervous, because it means you're interested.To consciously communicate this, slowly twirl astrand of hair around your finger as you talk.





7) Compliment the other person early in theconversation. It might seem too forward, butletting him or her know you're interested indating before a solid friendship begins is theeasiest way to detour around the friend-zone.Get confident, and don't let the opportunityslip by — you never know when you'll getanother one. Here are some techniques to try:

Maintain eye contact while you'recomplimenting. Looking away mightaccidentally make you seem insincere.





Lower the tone and volume of your voiceslightly. Paying a compliment in a slightly lowerregister than your usual speaking voice makesit seem intimate and sexy. Plus, it might alsocoax the other person to come closer to hearyou.If you don't know your crush very well yet, butyou're working on it, use a complimentoriented in this direction. Something like:

"You're fascinating. I LOVE talking with you.""I kind of can't believe I'm getting to know

someone as gorgeous and interesting as you."





Use your crush's other interests to your advantage. If youknow this person is dating (or interested in) someone else,you can use this to your advantage in a compliment.

Say something like, "I hope [other person] knows howlucky he/she is to be dating you."

Or, if that person comes up in the conversation, you couldjokingly throw out something like "I'm super jealous of[name], he/she has something I REALLY want." If your crushpresses and asks what it is, play coy and say something like,"I can't tell you, but it's about someonebeautiful/amazing/talented/[other adjective]."

Try weaving the compliment into the conversation. Forinstance, if the girl you like is talking about how she had aterrible day, you could say something like "I hate seeingsomeone as beautiful as you feel so unhappy. What can I doto help?"





Be careful about complimenting looks. A girl might like itif you notice her eyes, but she might label you as creepy ifyou say she has a nice figure too soon. Play it safe andstick to these physical features:

EyesSmileLipsHairHands

Be bold. If none of the suggestions above appeal to you,go for broke and pay your crush a bold compliment. Trythese possibilities, using the adjective that fits your crushbest or substituting your own:

"I hope you know you'regorgeous/beautiful/amazing/my favorite person to talkto/etc."

"Sorry if this is too forward, but I have to say that you'reincredible/an amazing person/so beautiful/etc."





8) Keep your interactions short and sweet. Rememberthat the key to creating demand is making supplyscarce, so try to limit your interactions with the objectof your flirtations. Consider these limits:

Don't talk to him or her every single day. Make it aspecial event and save it for a few times a week.

Don't let conversations drag on for more than 5 or10 minutes. The longer they go on, the higher yourodds of running into an awkward silence.

Let the other person come to you. After you've putin the work of starting up the interaction and sparkingan interest, pull back a bit and see if he or she seeksyou out for an interaction. This can be a good way togauge interest, as well as build tension.





9) Close the deal. If your flirting has been successfulso far, and you want to get to know the other personbetter, it's time to see if you can turn it into a date.Here are a few approaches:

Ask if the other person has plans at a later date.For instance, you might say, "So, what are you up toon Saturday night?" Try to keep this an openquestion, instead of one that requires a yes or noanswer — you'll get more information that way.

Don't ask someone what he or she is doingtonight, or even tomorrow. Try to schedule the date afew days out so that you don't come off as overlydesperate.





Suggest a specific event, and ask if he or shewould like to come along. This is the bestapproach if you're trying to arrange a groupdate. You could say something like, "So abunch of us were going to see a movie onFriday, and I'd really like it if you came with us.“

Be straightforward. If you're feeling extraconfident, go in for the kill without anypretense. For instance, you could saysomething like, "I'd really love to take you on adate. When are you free?"





10) Don't take it too seriously. Keep inmind that flirting is supposed to be fun,and try not to be crushed if your effortsaren't successful — not everyinteraction will be a perfect 10. Staypositive, and try again with someoneelse. As with anything else, flirtingimproves with practice.





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How to flirt