EFFECTIVE LISTENING

Mario G. BarlolongPUNP FacultyDISCUSSANT

10 Steps To Effective Listening

Step 1: Face the speaker and maintain eye contact.

Step 2: Be attentive, but relaxed.

be presentgive attentionapply or direct yourselfpay attentionremain ready to serve

Step 3: Keep an open mind.Don’t be a sentence-grabber. Listen without jumping to conclusions. Listen without judging the other person or mentally criticizing the things she tells you

Step 4: Listen to the words and try to picture what the speaker is saying.

Concentrate on what is being said, even if it bores you. When it’s your turn to listen, don’t spend the time planning what to say next. Allow your mind to create a mental model of the information being communicated.

Step 5: Don’t interrupt and don’t impose your “solutions.”

Interrupting sends a variety of messages. It says:“I’m more important than you are.”“What I have to say is more interesting, accurate or relevant.”“I don’t really care what you think.”“I don’t have time for your opinion.”“This isn’t a conversation, it’s a contest, and I’m going to win.”

Step 6: Wait for the speaker to pause to ask clarifying questions.

Step 7: Ask questions only to ensure understanding.

Questions that show interest and attention encourage both speaker and listener. Show your interest.

Step 8: Try to feel what the speaker is feeling.

Step 9: Give the speaker regular feedback.

The idea is to give the speaker some proof that you are listening, and that you are following the train of thought

Step 10: Pay attention to what isn’t said—to nonverbal cues.

“The most basic and powerful way to connect to another

person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other

is our attention.” -Rachel Naomi Remen

CONVERSATIONAL ROUTINES

Zunin (1972) stated that within 4 minutes of social interaction with a stranger, the participants will make a decision whether to continue talking or back off the conversation, or one may wish to continue while the other wishes to back off. Zunin defines and illustrates ways of making verbal contact.

The search for identifying data. In this category, primary questions about name, rank, address, mobile number are asked.Existential and personality topics. This consists of insights about a person’s personality, feelings and views about everyday life. Existential refers to subjects closely involved with your own existence, which are colored by your personality. Questions like Would you consider yourself happy? Or Are you happily married?

Identifying data offered simultaneously. The word gets its offensive significance when it is associated with extreme selfish motives. It involves manipulation in communication in constructive manner. For example if you ask your little sister to wash when she was so pre-occupied having fun in the muddy backyard, you are manipulating contact for mutually worthwhile reasons. The words you choose, the timing, and the others are all tools of creative manipulation.

Spontaneous offering on the existential and personality level. This is appropriate to the hard-to-reach contact with which you hope a personal note might lead to give and take. If both of you can be revealing without feeling vulnerable and ridiculous, there could be a gratifying response.

The art of compliments. Most people react positively to compliments because its hard to resist being liked.

Talking about here-and-now surroundings. You attempt to make contact through comments on the moment, usually not conversational. For instance, a lady comments how casually everyone is dressed at the party and she says it’s nice to be informal. Or she complains about cigar smoke, and when the guy says he will put it off, she says it isn’t necessary.

Focus on the external world. A communication exchange can reveal things not easily apparent about other people as well as ourselves.

The search for mutual interests and acquaintances. This is best when you want to establish communication with a new acquaintance- that is by finding friends and interests in common.

The creative gibe. This is characterized by playful insult. To have positive effect, the creative gibe must be well intended and have a good sense of humor. But this involves risk. People can be turned off or embarrassed by what sounds like your lack of sensitivity.

The humorous approach. This is characterized by remarks that are in good taste and are really humorous. Jokes or any something funny can lead the way to further contact but is advisable not to keep with it very long.

Social graces in action. The simplest way of display of courtesy or social grace is as a nice way as any to make contact with a friend or a stranger.

The hobby and fad approach. Talking about a hobby or a current enthusiasm that you share with someone can be an excellent means of positive contact, even if you don’t get everyone in the room involved.

Can you tell me…. This is characterized by

the spontaneous contact by means of asking for help or information.

Verbalizing the non-verbal. The fact that you noticed is the key to a many contact door. You may comment on the clothes and grooming, or any other feature or gesture, which deserves a positive response.

You remind me of…. A sincere ‘you remind me of….’ works best when the reference is unfamiliar to the other individual and you add a few exotic details.

Thank you For listening