slides from my talk on "Why NOT to Do a Startup". (updated from Tahoe Tech Talk - Oct 2010)
Why NOTTo Do a Startup because You Will FAIL, Loser. Dave McClure 500startups.com Master of 500 Hats Tahoe Tech Talk - Oct 2010 @DaveMcClure
#1: Yer a WANTrepreneur. Youre in this for all the Wrong reasons: You think its So Fucking Cool to do a startup You want to make LOTS of Money. You have Teh AwesomeTechnology Solution. The Right Reasons: You Live in Fear. You Cant Get Laid. Something has been PISSING you off FOREVER. YOU ARE PASSIONATEABOUT [SOLVING] A [CUSTOMER] PROBLEM
#2: You are a FAT and LAZY SLOB Youve worked at Microsoft for >5 yrs. You Drive a Nice Car & Its Paid For. You Live in a Big House. You Dont Worry About Paying Bills. You Want to Kiss The KidsGoodnight. You Your Spouse > Your Startup. tip: Doing a Startup is a Lesson in Pain & Sacrifice.
#3: You Have a BUSINESS PLAN,But No Product and No Customers. Bullshit Revenue Projection -----> (up & to the right) See: Startup Metrics for Pirates
#4: Your Idea SUCKS(and even your Mom thinks so) You Dont Have a Working Prototype. Worse: Have Prototype, But No One Uses It. It Sucks a Lot More than the Competition. See: Lean Startup (Ries) & Customer Development (Blank)
#5: You Have Teh Awesome SOLUTIONto a PROBLEM that does not exist. See: Your Solution Is Not My Problem
#6: Youre a LOSER, not a LEADER. You Procrastinate. A Lot. Youre not Charismatic. You Get Beaten [Up] Regularly. Your Vision is usually Wrong. Youre Scared of Change. When Other People Tell You That Youre Wrong, You Believe Them. and youre Uglytoo, bitch. Watch: Kick-Ass or Glee
#7: Your Pitch Sucks & You Wont Raise Money (or SuperAngelsCollude to Screw You Over) 50 slides in your deck Technical Jargon Demo FAIL Clueless Investors EVIL Investors See: How To Pitch a VC
#8: Your Team Sucks, and You Have No Idea How to Hire (or Fire). No Technical Founders / Coders No Design / UX / Usability No Internet Mktg (Search, Social) No Mobileexpertise No Enterprise Sales / Biz Dev No Recruiter, or They Suck Bad.
#9: CoFounders& Employees =Whiners. You WILL miss a payroll. Someone WILL eat last slice of pizza. There WILL be Office Politics. People WILL discover and compare salary & stock options. Someone WILL sueyer ass: Sexual Harassment Wrongful Termination Unhappy Customer Jealous Competitor
#10: You Cant Sell or Market 4 Shit. You Dont Know Marketing. You Think Marketing = TechCrunch. You Dont Know What SEO stands for. You Think SEM = SEO. You Dont Know or Use Social Platforms (Facebook, Twitter, YouTube). Youve never built Facebook or iPhone App, or a Social Game. Youve never sent an email campaign, written a blog post, or run an affiliate marketing campaign. See: Startup-Marketing.com (Ellis)
#11: Youd Rather Change the Channel Than Change The World. Wouldnt you rather watch GLEE or Monday Night Football? Sure you would, Loser. Just relaaaaaxxxxxx. Fuck. That. Noise.
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