Managing Conflicts And Difficult People

MANAGING CONFLICTS AND DIFFICULT PEOPLEABF Executive Secretaries and Personal Assistants Conference 17-18 Feb 2009

Kenny OngCNI Holdings Berhad

www.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com

About: CNI

1. 20 years old2. Core Business: MLM3. Others: Contract Manufacturing,

Export/Trading, eCommerce, F&B Retail4. Malaysia, Singapore, Brunei, Indonesia, India,

China, Hong Kong, Philippines, Italy, Taiwan5. Staff force: ± 5006. Distributors: 200,0007. Products: Consumer Goods and Services

Before we start

“You can get anything in life that you want if you can help enough people

get what they want”

Objectives

1. People Skills2. Managing Conflicts and Difficult People3. Avoiding Stress

Introduction: People Skills

Why is it so important to us?

Management Skills

7. Career

6. Attitude

5. Discipline

4. Relationship

3. Time

2. Boss

1. Job

What to Manage?

Conflict Mgmt

Law of the Ping-Pong Balla.k.a. Law of Cause and Effect

Managing your Relationships

Basics of Relationships1. Why? 2. Good performance & skill won't get you very

far. You need others to succeed3. You cannot get people to listen to you if they

don't like you.4. And if they don’t listen to you, you won’t

accomplish anything!

5. Relationships = Expectations.

But first…Do you know yourself?

Strengths? Limitations?Good listener?Emotionally stable?Biases or Prejudices?What is “Fair”?

Managing your Relationships: People Skills

1. People are interested in themselves, not in you2. What is the most interesting subject in the

world to them? THEMSELVES3. Take four words out of your vocabulary: “I, me,

my, mine” and substitute for the most powerful word: “YOU”

4. Remember that the more important you make people feel, the more they will respond to you.

5. Avoid arguing.

Listen with interest and praise

make the person feel Important

use their Name

Ask questions

Communication SF

PASSEPraise and encourage

Ask questions

allow the person to Save Face

use SMART goals

Encourage small improvements

Influence SF

S + FH + C

Firm Handshake

Compliment

Personality SF

Understanding Yourself and Others - Personalities

Closed Open

People

TaskPerfect: Melancholy Powerful: Choleric

Popular: SanguinePeaceful: Phlegmatic

Handout 1: Personality Types

Understanding Yourself and Others - Motives

Power (nPow)

Achievement(nAch)

Affiliative(nAff)

Handout 2: McClelland Motive Self Assessment

Handout 3: Motive Profiles Overview

Active Listening

1. Attending2. Paraphrasing3. Speaking4. Clarifying

5. Asking6. Encouraging7. Reflecting8. Summarizing

Personal Tip: ‘Picking’

Understanding Conflicts

What is…, Sources of…,

Why do Conflicts happen?

UnrealisticExpectations

InadequateResources

CONFLICTS

Lack of Cooperatio

Reduce Energy

Why do Conflicts happen?

UnrealisticExpectations

1. ‘I am always right’ opinion

2. Do not understand ourselves

3. Do not understand others

4. Different backgrounds

5. Aggressive, Selfish, Stubborn

6. Win-lose mentalitywww.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com

Conflict: Good or Bad?

Good 1.Clarification

2.Release emotions

3.Release stress

4.Understand each other

5.Build cooperation & trust

6.Develop problem solving

7.Create energywww.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com

Bad1.Diverts energy

2.Polarizes groups

3.Deepens differences

4. ‘Either-Or’ positions

5.Always right mentality

6.Develop negative feelings

Very Very Bad

1. Informal discussions

2.Mis-information

3.Positions

4.Factions

Sources of Conflicts

Instrumental

InterestPersonal

Instrumental1. Goals

2. Means

3. Procedures

4. Structures

Interest

1. Money

2. Time

3. Staff Space

4. Importance

5. Ownership

6. Competence

Personal

1. Identity

2. Self-image

3. Loyalty

4. Confidence breach

5. No respect

6. Friendship Betrayal

Managing Conflicts and Difficult People

The world is full of people who don’t like you… live with it.

But First…

Do you want to maintain the relationship?

Yes? No?

1. Compromise, if possible

2. Win-win, if possible

3. Adapt, to different people

4. Hide your Ego

5. Lower your Expectations

6. Find Common Ground

7. Same Destination, Different Paths

8. “I understand …”

9. Accept the fact

10. Face

How to avoid getting killed by stress

Avoid stress, conflict, and burnout in the workplace

1. Understand and use People Skills2. ‘Me’ Sdn Bhd3. Rules of Work4. Bad Bosses5. Who are you working for?

2. ‘Me’ Sdn Bhd

• Who do you work for?

3. Rules of Work

Rule 38: Don’t let it get to youRule 60: Know when to let goRule 76: Don’t bad mouth your bossRule 77: Don’t bad-mouth your teamRule 78: Accept that some things your bosses tell

you to do will be wrongRule 93: Maintain good friendships and

relationships (if possible)Rule 101: Remember that we are all humans

Refer to Handout 7 for

detailed explanation

4. Bad Bosses

If none of these strategies work, you have two choices:1. Choice A - If you have good personal reasons for

staying in your job -- you love your work, you're learning a lot, you like the people you're working with -- you can hold your nose and ignore your boss as best you can.

2. Choice B - Or, you can quit: life is too short too deal with this kind of abuse.

Refer to Handout 8 for detailed explanation

5. Who are you working for?

End Notes

Manage Stress and Avoid Depression

Decide on your Life priorities.

Remember who you are really working for.

Go home.

Who are you really working for?

“Anyone can become angry –that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not easy.”

Aristotle

Endnote

The rest is up to you.

Thank You.

soft copy of slides: http://totallyunrelatedrandomanddebatable.

blogspot.com

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