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The art of
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self-coachingEd Batista
Class 2: April 10, 2015
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Where are we
Self-engagement & mental models
Mindset & change
Goals & grit
going?
How will we
Short lectures
Work with your partners
Two coaching conversations
get there?
Photo by Chloe Fan [link]
Concepts 1 15 mins
A coaching conversation 30 mins
Concepts 2 15 mins
Another conversation 30 mins
For next time… 5 mins
Agenda
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Before we getdown to business
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Why do that?
Get you moving
Get you interacting
Get you thinking (a little) differently
Photo by lian xiaoxiao [link]
Self-engagement
Starting point
An attitude toward ourselves
A dialogue with ourselves
Mental models
Perceptions shape reality
Photo by Carmelo Speltino [link]
A mental model about ourselves
Carol Dweck
How do we perceive our abilities?
How do we perceive our mistakes?
Mindset
Photo by Mike Disharoon [link]
Talent & intelligence
are inherent traits
Mistakes are failures or
character flaws
Negative emotional
response to mistakes
Talent & intelligence
can be developed
Mistakes are learning
opportunities
Less upset by mistakes
(= More learning)
Fixed Growth
Mindset
Adapted from Carol Dweck [link]
Diminished sense of
agency
Seeking approval &
affirmation
Risk-averse & defeated
by setbacks
Heightened sense of
agency
Seeking challenges &
growth
Risk-tolerant & can
accept setbacks
Fixed Growth
Mindset
Adapted from Carol Dweck [link]
Mindset &self-coaching
Look for signs of a fixed or growth mindset
Recognize it as a mental model
One to challenge or affirm
Kurt Lewin & Edgar Schein
Why is change so difficult?
Why do we resist it?
Change
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Behavior is stable
We’re frozen in patterns
Change
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Driving forces favor change
Restraining forces resist it
Change
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Patterns keep these forces balanced
Change requires unfreezing
Change
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Driving force = Survival anxiety
I must change in order to
to achieve my goals
Change
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Restraining force = Learning anxiety
Change means a new identity
or loss of self-esteem
Change
Photo by ezioman [link]
Increase survival anxiety to change?
Or decrease learning anxiety?
Both are necessary
Change
Photo by ezioman [link]
Three steps to unfreezing
1. Disconfirmation
Dissatisfaction created
by confounding data
Necessary but insufficient
(Dismissal, denial, blame)
Change
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Three steps to unfreezing
2. A little survival anxiety
Confounding data =
I need to change
Change
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Three steps to unfreezing
3. Psychological safety
Critical to overcoming
defensiveness & denial
Change
Photo by ezioman [link]
Threat from survival anxiety must
be balanced by sufficient safety
to decrease learning anxiety
Change
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Change =
Survival anxiety > Learning anxiety
Psychological safety
Change
Photo by ezioman [link]
Change& mindset
We can be attached to our fixed mindset
Letting go can be threatening
We must feel safe to change
Change& mindset
Growth mindset = work in progress
New attitude or behavior ≠ new identity
Mistakes & setbacks = learning opportunities
Coaching tools
Ask, Listen, Empathize
Coaching tools
Ask
First, pure inquiry
Then, diagnostic inquiry
Only then, confrontational inquiry
Coaching tools
Ask, Listen
Hearing ≠ listening
Make them feel heard
Coaching tools
Ask, Listen, Empathize
Not “My problem’s worse”
Or “Look on the bright side”
Or “Here’s some advice…”
Coaching tools
Ask, Listen, Empathize
Avoid judgment
Acknowledge feelings
Express understanding
Photo by John Trainor [link]
When we are…
Able
Committed
Unconflicted
Goals support performance
Goals
However…
Learning > Performance?
Threats = Counter-productive
May diminish enjoyment & motivation
Goals
Photo by John Trainor [link]
Effective goals…
Generate feedback
Heighten commitment
Don’t obscure the big picture
Goals
Photo by John Trainor [link]
Goals &
Photo by John Trainor [link]
Goals ≠ bad
But be careful
Get curious about failure
self-coaching
Grit
Angela Duckworth
Perseverance matters
Long-term stamina > Short-term intensity
Photo by Maria Ly [link]
Grit
Positive correlation with achievement
Negative correlation with talent
More talent = Less persistence?
Photo by Maria Ly [link]
Grit
Highest achievers = Talent + grit?
Deliberate practice Achievement
Grittier people practice harder & longer
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Grit &
Tentative findings
Growth mindset & optimism
Emotion management (Next week)
Resilience (May 1)
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self-coaching
Grit &
One certainty…
Conscious willpower is insufficient
Photo by Maria Ly [link]
self-coaching
To sum up
Make it safe to change
Cultivate a growth mindset
Goals are medicine, not food
Grit may be a virtuous by-product
Photo by Pranav Yaddanapudi [link]
Photo by lian xiaoxiao [link]
Self-engagement
Our mental models of ourselves matter
An ongoing dialogue is essential
Coaching, journaling, reflection
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An exercise
Emotional Style Assessment
60 true/false questions
Generally true or generally false
Go with your gut; don’t deliberate
An exercise
Before next week’s class…
Complete it (10 mins)
Then score it (10 mins)
Then read Davidson
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An exercise
Take note…
“Resilience” in Davidson = “Recovery Time”
Photo by dotmatchbox [link]
