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The art of
Photo by Seth Anderson [link]
self-coachingEd Batista
Class 6: May 8, 2015
Photo by Alex Eflon [link]
Where are weShame & empathy
Vulnerability myths (& questions)
Meta-emotion
going?
How will weStories in small groups
One coaching conversation
Photo by Chloe Fan [link]
get there?
Photo by Theresa Thompson [link]
Small groups 35 mins
Concepts 25 mins
A coaching conversation 20 mins
For next time… 5 mins
Agenda
Shame &
Seeking help can trigger shame (in some
form)
So can any expression of vulnerability
Empathy is the antidote
empathy
Shame &
But typical responses often block
empathy
“My problem’s worse”
“Look on the bright side”
“Here’s some advice…”
empathy
Shame &
Instead…
Avoid judgment
Acknowledge feelings
Express understanding
empathy
Vulnerability
Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link]
A vulnerability story
I’ll start
Vulnerability
Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link]
Now it’s your turn
4 minutes to tell your story
2 minutes for group to respond
Timing will be key
Vulnerability
Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link]
How might you push yourself?
What would be too far?
Reflect for a minute
What happened?
Photo courtesy Felix Baumgartner [link]
Self-awareness
What do I know about myself?
Am I aware of my thoughts & feelings?
Photo by ЕленАндреа [link]
Crucible stories
Photo by Dave Hogg [link]
Meaning-making
Mental models
Connections
Empathy
VulnerabilityBrené Brown
Vulnerability = weakness or oversharing
I don’t “do” vulnerability
I can go it alone
myths
VulnerabilitySo…
If vulnerability ≠ weakness, what is it?
If vulnerability ≠ oversharing, what’s
enough?
How do we build boundaries & trust?
questions
Meta-emotionJohn Gottman
How do we feel about how we feel?
Meta-emotionFeelings & thoughts about emotion
Yet another set of mental models
Meta-emotionDiscomfort with emotion
Feelings themselves become triggers
Meta-emotionPotential factor with any emotions
Particularly with vulnerability
Meta-emotion(A metaphor)
Meta-emotion
INTENSI
TY
(+)BEHAVIORCHANGE(-)
Meta-emotionRemors
e
Guilt
Embarrassme
nt
Regret
ShameINTENSI
TY
(+)BEHAVIORCHANGE(-)
Meta-emotionManagerial goal? Remorse > guilt >
shame
Evoke just the right emotion
Meta-emotionSelf-coaching goal? Comfort with
discomfort
Acclimate through emotional experiences
Self-awareness
What are my mental models about
emotion?
How do my meta-emotions influence me?
Photo by ЕленАндреа [link]
Why this mattersA powerful tool when we can manage it
A destructive force when we can’t
Build connections…or fail to
Build a culture, regardless
Photo by Leo Reynolds [link]
UnhappinessSubjective points of view
Stoicism, Pema Chödrön, Viktor Frankl
Which ones are most meaningful to
you?
Note: David Foster Wallace in Class 8
