1. Why NOT To Do a Startup because You Will FAIL, Loser. Dave McClure 500startups.com FailCon India Bangalore Feb 2013 @DaveMcClure 2. DONT DO A STARTUP YOU WILL FAIL. #1: Yer a WANTrepreneur. Youre in this for all the Wrong reasons: You think its So Fucking Cool to do a startup You want to make LOTS of Money. You have Teh Awesome Technology Solution. The Right Reasons: You Live in Fear. You Cant Get Laid. Something has been PISSING you off FOREVER. YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT [SOLVING] A [CUSTOMER] PROBLEM 3. DONT DO A STARTUP YOU WILL FAIL. #2: You are a FAT and LAZY SLOB Youve worked at Microsoft for >5 yrs. You Drive a Nice Car & Its Paid For. You Live in a Big House. You Dont Worry About Paying Bills. You Want to Kiss The Kids Goodnight. You Your Spouse > Your Startup. tip: Doing a Startup is a Lesson in Pain & Sacrifice. 4. DONT DO A STARTUP YOU WILL FAIL. #3: You Have a BUSINESS PLAN, But No Product and No Customers. See: Startup Metrics for Pirates Bullshit Revenue Projection -----> (up & to the right) 5. DONT DO A STARTUP YOU WILL FAIL. #4: Your Idea SUCKS (and even your Mom thinks so) You Dont Have a Working Prototype. Worse: Have Prototype, But No One Uses It. It Sucks a Lot More than the Competition. See: Lean Startup (Ries) & Customer Development (Blank) 6. DONT DO A STARTUP YOU WILL FAIL. #5: You Have Teh Awesome SOLUTION to a PROBLEM that does not exist. See: Your Solution Is Not My Problem 7. DONT DO A STARTUP YOU WILL FAIL. #6: Youre a LOSER, not a LEADER. You Procrastinate. A Lot. Youre not Charismatic. You Get Beaten [Up] Regularly. Your Vision is usually Wrong. Youre Scared of Change. When Other People Tell You That Youre Wrong, You Believe Them. and youre Ugly too, bitch. Watch: Kick-Ass or Glee 8. DONT DO A STARTUP YOU WILL FAIL. #7: Your Pitch Sucks & You Wont Raise Money (or SuperAngels Collude to Screw You Over) 50 slides in your deck Technical Jargon Demo FAIL Clueless Investors EVIL Investors See: How To Pitch a VC 9. DONT DO A STARTUP YOU WILL FAIL. #8: Your Team Sucks, and You Have No Idea How to Hire (or Fire). No Technical Founders / Coders No Design / UX / Usability No Internet Mktg (Search, Social) No Mobile expertise No Enterprise Sales / Biz Dev No Recruiter, or They Suck Bad. 10. DONT DO A STARTUP YOU WILL FAIL. #9: CoFounders & Employees = Whiners. You WILL miss a payroll. Someone WILL eat last slice of pizza. There WILL be Office Politics. People WILL discover and compare salary & stock options. Someone WILL sue yer ass: Sexual Harassment Wrongful Termination Unhappy Customer Jealous Competitor 11. DONT DO A STARTUP YOU WILL FAIL. #10: You Cant Sell or Market 4 Shit. You Dont Know Marketing. You Think Marketing = TechCrunch. You Dont Know What SEO stands for. You Think SEM = SEO. You Dont Know or Use Social Platforms (Facebook, Twitter, YouTube). Youve never built Facebook or iPhone App, or a Social Game. Youve never sent an email campaign, written a blog post, or run an affiliate marketing campaign. See: Startup-Marketing.com (Ellis) 12. DONT DO A STARTUP YOU WILL FAIL. #11: Youd Rather Change the Channel Than Change The World. Wouldnt you rather watch Dabangg or T-20? Sure you would, Loser. Just relaaaaaxxxxxx. Fuck. That. Noise.