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A corner of Our Destiny

58% in the +2 final examination and you are no good

student – you messed up your carrier because the

number is too low to secure any good college. Of 

course in my family no one ever got that high number ever but certainly that was not good enough to get

into a good college either. After being turned down

from the clerks of the reputed colleges I suddenly

 became a grown up frustrated student -. no longer a

goody goody little-known school boy.

On my return mom asked me whether I got admission in any good college or not. I could

not tell her that the Surendranath college was not a very reputed college either. That

night while sitting in the half finished terrace of our house and looking at the stars I

realized certain hard terms of my just finished school life - nobody gives a damn if your numbers are poor.

My mom understood that I was very upset so she sat by my side and gave a shake to my

head telling me not to bother so much and to study good next time. Moms are always

hopeful for their kids. The state JEE result was already out just a few days ago and my

name was somewhere below 4500 mark, no chance to get a college at this rank. Few

other good students of my school had got rank below 1500. I curse my silly mistakes in

the exams.

Kaushik got 7050 rank but being an SC student , he comfortably got Civil engineering in

Shibpur college. The hard fact that life is not fare & some are always more lucky is

slowly unfurling before my eyes.

The last entrance examination of the year – the Polytechnic entrance examination took 

 place. I sat for the exam and gave my short with lost heart. That exam was considered to

 be for 2nd grade boys as good student don't take this exam.

However, I secure a very good rank – I stood first. But since it was for 2nd grade boys

nobody noticed my performance. However, my grandma blessed me with her usual way – 'Be a king'.

I took admission in polytechnic college and my preparation for 2nd time for the JEE

continued in seclusion. Successful friends - Shantanu , Kaushik used to come home on

week ends and would play football with other friends. Though they would call me for 

game but I would always avoid with excuses. Suddenly they became the ideal for all the

students & parents around. A local daily even carried the success story of Shantanu.

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Sometimes I found them enthralling group of junior boys with the story of their hostel

life. A pain swelled up in my throat. Few weeks ago I was at per with them. Suddenly

this examination has made me a pauper.

 

Sometimes my Mom would sit beside me with her evening cup of tea.

 Next 6 months I maintained a precarious balance between polytechnic courses & JEE

  preparation. In these eight months I hardly took any time out for entertainment.

Whenever my entire family went out for wedding or picnic I remained home studying.

As luck would have it that year 5 marriages took place in our family & neighborhood.

 

The JEE examination took place in the month of April and it went good for me. After 

the last exam I slept and slept for god knows how many hours. When I woke up I could

not fathom out whether it was morning and evening. I came out to our half finished

terrace and it turned out to be late evening. The boys have gone home after days play. Along chain of migrating birds are still flying high in the sky. The Venus is hanging like a

 bright candle in the middle. Silently I made one promise to myself – I shall never feel

less than others. If Shantanu has a success story then I shall leave behind a fight back 

story. I was so confident of my success at that moment.

After two months the result was out and I got a very good rank. Next four years the

college and hostel sapped my energy to a great extent but I thoroughly enjoyed my role.

Today after 28 years when I look back those days I find that it was not a fight back – it

was rather a sheer choice and determination. Our life is shaped every moment by thesesmall or big choices that we are making every moment. Some choices don't show up so

fast and some choices works very long way deep into the future.

Once a choice is made it's easy to follow as our life flows like a river along it and the

moment it is swelled up & set in our life a tiny corner of our destiny is made over.

[as told by a friend on a train journey from Kolkata to Mumbai]

S. Bera

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