Appendix A.6: Eliminating Clutter

The bottom line:

Use no more words than necessary.Don’t be wordy.

“I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.”

--Blaise Pascal

Unnecessary Introductions

• As I look back on what I have said in this memo, it seems as if we have the potential to succeed.

• For all practical purposes, we cannot continue to operate.

• In this day and age, we cannot afford complacency.

Submerged Verbs

• Verbs that have been hidden as another part of speech, usually a noun (nominalization).

• Conduct an investigation• Bring about an end• Initiate contact

Long-Winded Phrases

• At this point in time =• In many instances =• Upon the condition =• Enclosed herein =• In this day an age =• With the exception of =

Obvious Modifiers

• Red in color• Past history• Future prospects• Few in number• Annual fundraiser held each year

Repetitious Wording

• Our business must earn a profit this quarter. In addition, our business needs to conduct research into new products. We also should implement an investigation of new markets.

• Our business must earn a profit this quarter, research new products, and investigate new markets.

Exercises

1. In the event that the conductor becomes hot, shut down the unit.

2. This airbrush has a tendency to leak.

3. Fire drills are important because fire drills provide students with practice in emergency evacuation procedures that they will have to know in the event of an actual fire.

Fire drills are important because they allow students to practice evacuating for a real fire.

OR Fire drills are important because they allow

students to practice emergency evacuation procedures.

4. The Desert Storm war was relatively brief in duration.

5. Prior to entering the factory, please sign the visitors’ log book.

Appendix 7: Use Simple Language

• In general, don’t use big, fancy words when short, common ones will do the job.

• Advantages: short, common words are understood more quickly by more readers; less chance of misuse or misspelling

• But, choose your words with the reader in mind (e.g. technical terms).

Examples

• Remunerate =• Endeavor =• Terminate =• Customary =• Solicit =