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7/23/2019 Goldilocks Principle
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The Goldilocks ruleby Richard Unger
This is the original unedited version of Richard Ungers Goldilocks rule.Only about half of the following text made it into the nal version of
Richards book!ife"rints. #eci$hering life $ur$ose from your nger$rints.
Axiom One of Soul Psychology: Experience Reuired
Soul Psychology is based on the premise that the earth plane is an
arena for advancing souls to grow in consciousness. In order to
accomplish this goal, advancing souls seek experience.
This is not a new idea. Many religions and philosophical systems take thesame position, in whole or in part. If your worldview differs, please adust
!ife"rints language to suit your own. I like the !advancing souls"description because it offers a convenient way to picture what
fingerprints are saying. Instead of calling fingerprints a map of the soul s!ourney, we could simply label them a code book to one s core!
psychology. That works ust as well.
#dvancing souls seek experience$ simple enough% but a closerexamination reveals seven key principles that will make it easier to
understand the &ife Purpose Maps that follow.
Principle "# $ The life goal is %he experiencing process i%self&
Principle '( states that the life goal, from a soul level, is the
experiencing process itself, not a specific outcome. #s stated earlier, if
your &ife Purpose is &eadership, it is not necessarily your lifeassignment to become President of the )nited States, or president of
anything else for that matter. Then again, perhaps a presidency is inyour future. *ou will find out as your life movie unfolds. The important
thing is to inhabit your &eadership +onsciousness, dealing with
whatever comes your way. That is where your deepest meaning can be
found.
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This is a central tenet of Soul Psychology$ your &ife Purpose is not
about creating results that match an idealied picture of how your life is
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supposed to look. *our &ife Purpose may very well surprise
you. #s a
matter of fact, it would be surprising if it didn t. So what does it!
mean
then to have a &eadership &ife Purpose- It means two things$first, it is
in your interest to gain in experience so that your
&eadership
+onsciousness has full opportunity to emerge% and second, if
and when
it does, you are challenged to live with a wide range of
experiences in
this realm.
Principle "' $ One!s experiences al(ays seek %o unlockone!s )ife Purpose&
To continue with the example of &eadership as the &ife Purpose,
then,
given time and opportunity, the leader element within you will
naturally
find a form of expression ust by you being you. This is notnecessarily
as easy as it might sound, as we shall see. onetheless, The
&eader is
inside you and always has been. It merely awaits sufficient
experiential
material to reach a kindling point where its presence becomes
obvious
and everyday. /hen this happens you can say that you havereached
the main se0uence of your &ife Purpose. To illustrate, let1s look
at two
people reacting in their own way to a similar set of
circumstances.
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2ob from 2oise has a &eadership Purpose and a history of
abuse. 3is
father beat him, physically and emotionally. #t school, 2ob got
bullied by
the bigger kids% even his parakeet showed him no respect.Twenty five
years later, while accepting the +itien of the *ear #ward, 2ob
credits
his early experiences as pivotal in his development. 3aving been
on the
wrong end of the stick in his early life, his threshold for stoic
resignation
gone, he could not sit idly by watching one more instance of
inustice.
This time, someone needed to set things right. Surprising
himself with
his assertion, 2ob rose to the occasion and took the actions that
led to
this award. ow that he has gained some standing in the
community he
would like to dedicate himself to community service. 2obbecomes
2oise1s mayor 4/hy not- It1s ust a story.5 /hen he
exercises his
&eadership +onsciousness, the application is appropriate
to the
circumstances. 6thers1 needs are taken into account in the
context of
the larger picture. +onsidering 2ob1s prior experiences, howcould he do
otherwise-
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7red from 8ast 7rasalia had a similar childhood. 3owever 7red
moves in the opposite direction$ he becomes a power abuser. 3e
is too controlling in relationships. 3e has power battles with
legitimate authorities in the world and at work. 3e treats his
parakeet badly. Then an incident occurs that changes his wholelife around. 7red learns first hand what too much power applied
unconsciously can do. The details are not important here. The
important point is 7red1s awakening.
96h my :od, what have I done-9 It hurts 7red deeply to realie
the pain
he has caused. 3e makes amends where amends need
making. 3ebecomes particularly sensitive to any possibility that his
actions may
cause discomfort in others. /hen life presents 7red with
leadership
opportunities, having learned from past mistakes, 7red 4still
assertive
but now empathetic as well5 is better 0ualified for the bigger role
on the
larger stage that was outlined in his fingerprints before he wasborn.
In our illustration, similar circumstances yielded different
experiences but both led to the emergence of a &eadership &ife
Purpose. 6f course, there is always the alternate possibility$ 2ob
and 7red learn nothing from their earlier experiences.
)nconsciously trudging through life, they make no progress
towards the &eadership Purpose they share in common. If thiswere the case, 2ob and 7red would both live in their &ife
Purpose Inverses 4powerlessness for 2ob, tyranny for 7red5. If
they live this type of life long enough, maybe they will
eventually gain some momentum forward on their life paths,
but there are no guarantees. The planet is plenty big enough
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for any person to stay in The 2ig :aping 3ole 4life without
meaning5 for an indefinite period of time.
The more likely outcome for 2ob and 7red, however, is
somecombination of the examples given. &ife being the messy
business it is,
rarely does a straight;line diagram describe a person1s life. In
retrospect,
we can see The &eader slowly going through its developmental
phases
in both 2ob and 7red, while in the short term each ig and ag
seem
random and all consuming. The thing to remember is
that any
experience can serve a person1s progress. Too much power
applied
unconsciously or too little power employed when more would
have been
better$ either option is capable of generating uncomfortable
outcomes
while still advancing a person s &ife Purpose. +onversely,!either could
become a life;sied trap lasting for decades. In a similar vein, if
2ob and
7red have wonderful parents and wonderful bosses who use
power
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fairly and effectively, these experiences could also be models to
work from on their leadership life paths. 6r, alternately, 2ob and
7red might each miss the point, ignoring the opportunities laid
before them.
%eing alive creates o$$ortunities for ex$erience. &t is u$to each of us togain from our ex$eriences and' in so doing' move our!ife "ur$oseforward.
Principle "* $ )i+ing your )ife Purpose meansexperiencing all %ha% life brings your (ay&
#s stated before, a &ife Purpose is not a position to get into,
it is aconsciousness to inhabit. If you 0uit your desk ob to become a
painter
does that make you The #rtist- Maybe. Maybe you are a hack.
#s we
have seen, the actual role you play, your title at work, is notwhat is
important
&et1s say that you do learn
from your
experiences sufficiently foryour &ife
Purpose to clearly emerge. &ikePicasso
discovering his passion for art,
you have
opened the door into the main
se0uence of
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your &ife Purpose. *ou are
gaining
satisfaction points on a regular
basis.
+ongratulations.
8
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how much would have changed- ot much, I suggest. 3e
could have
afforded a more expensive sonar package for boat number two,
that1s
all.
&et1s put =ac0ues into our illustration, assuming he is right 6n
Purpose
with his life. /as =ac0ues +ousteau s existence trouble free-!/hat do
you think- #s the world1s top ocean explorer he got toexplore the
toughest ocean environments, to address challenges beyond the
scope
of anyone else.
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along. If he
were lucky, an old salt might have set him straight. 9The
problem,
=ac0ues, is that you are in the wrong life here. :o find you a
boat.9
+ousteau s super long little fingers indicate a +ode 2reaker Personality!
So you find your boat. #re you done, is your &ife Purposecomplete- ot
at all. *ou are ust beginning. /elcome to your ?ight &ife. ow,
what areyou going to do about the mutiny in the Miami office- The
hostile
takeover- /hat about time for your family now that you are so
busy-
#nd so on. Similarly, when Picasso unlocks The #rtist within,
when he
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fully inhabits his artistry, has he finished his &ife Purpose- 6f
course not. ow it is his ob to have a lifetime of artist
experiences and express this life on his canvas of choice.
&ife &essons work the same way. If your &ife &esson is :uiltIssues, it is
not your assignment to get over guilt so as to never feel guilty
again. It is
your assignment to be conscious of all experiences pertaining
to guilt,
hopefully learning from them. If your &ife Purpose is 7amily
Service it is
not expected 4nor even hoped5 that you will do only service for
others. It
is to be expected that you will experience a full range of
possibilities in
the service realm.
(s your ex$erience level increases' your ability tomake choices im$roves and your outcomes will bemore in your favor. )owever' you cannot get ex$erience
without trial and error.
&et1s apply the 8xperience ?e0uired concept in a hand reading.
# client will ask whether to stay or leave a relationship,
whether to keep or switch careers, or something of this sort.
These are important lifedefining 0uestions. +lients want some
perspective. 2ut the information revealed in fingerprints is both
as direct as a sledgehammer and as subtle as anything can
be.
If &eadership is a person1s &ife Purpose, does this mean that
signing up
for a 3arvard M2# Program is the best option available- It is
hard to
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say. /hat it certainly does mean is that on a life scale,
satisfaction will
be greatest as one s &eadership +onsciousness is!
accessed and
expressed. 2ut life is twisty;turny. Maybe the best road toleadership
and influence is by attending PT# meetings for years until one
day,
roused by the school s apparent lack of concern for the!
children, you
stand up and take a position. 6thers agree and align themselves
behind
you. *ou alter the course of your child1s high school
curriculum% and
even more$ a new attitude starts to pervade Smith 3igh. 3ow
could one
plot such an outcome on a life graph- /as staying at home
the best
route to leadership-
9/hat course of action should I take-9
asks myclient.
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I answer$ 9o matter what you choose to
do, the
challenge is to make your choice 4and
future
choices5 from inside The &eader that lives inyou. If
you can do so, your fingerprints indicate that
you will
feel 6n Purpose with your life. The 0uestion
is not
so much about choosing the right action
today. It is
about recogniing this part of yourself,learning to
recognie it in its ever;changing disguises,
learning
to access its potency as a compass pointing
towards
life;scale satisfaction. I cannot so much tell
you to
do this as I can bring the possibility to your
attentionso that The &eader that has been there all
along
may be more obvious to you on yournextencounter."
#ll your experiences are already arranged to teach you the
skills and bring you the opportunity to express your &ifePurpose. If you stay conscious, your life begins to evolve of
its own accord into the &ife Purpose shown in your fingerprints
five months prior to birth. *ou do not have to arrange it any more
than the acorn needs to take classes on proper oak tree
development.
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In summary$
, The more consciously you gain in experience- %hemore your
%rue self emerges&, The more your %rue self emerges- %he more your )ifePurpose
blossoms&
, The more your )ife Purpose blossoms- %he more you
(ill like %he
life you are li+ing&, .no(ing your )ife Purpose allo(s you %obetter
interpret theevents and relationships that already exist in your life, toenhance %he experiencing process-so you can move inthe direction your life wishes to go.
Principle "/ $ 0ou mus% be conscious of your feelings%o gain experience&
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I have been talking about experience as if you and I mean the
same thing when we use the word. Perhaps we do, but let1s
check this out in more detail. /ebster says experience means
a$ direct observation of or participation in events as a
basis ofknowledge
b$ the conscious events that make up a person1s life
c$ something personally encountered, undergone,
or lived through
d$ the act or process of directly perceived events orreality
Thank you
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trauma of his brother dying right before his eyes is so great the
young
man cannot cope with it. #ctually, to be more accurate, he is
coping with
the calamity by giving himself amnesia. #s a matter of fact, thismay be
the only and most elegant solution available. To consciously
feel the
pain and helplessness surrounding his brother1s death is more
than the
young boy can bear.
/e all know that he will have to deal with his feelings at some
point or
he will not be able to get on with his life. 3e sees a psychiatrist.
2it by
bit, as his therapy continues, he gets little glimpses of the
accident but
not the full picture. 3e is straining against his unconscious,
willing the
scene to play in his mind1s eye, the better to end the amnesia
that hasput his life on hold. /e in the audience strain with him, but we
have the
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larger view. /e know what he is straining against. 7inally, in one
fateful
therapy session, the floodgates open and it all comes pouring
out. Two
months earlier, awareness would have been premature, but nowhe is
strong enough to bear it. 3e lets out the guttural cry that has
been
froen in his throat since that day on the lake and we know he is
on the
road to recovery.
This is not a how;to book on the appropriate expression offeelings. That may be way too big a topic for any one book to
cover. 2ut humans are emotional creatures and there is no way
around this fact$ it is axiomatic in Soul Psychology that you
mus% become conscious of your feelings in order %ofully process experiences&
/hen our young man became conscious of the boating
accident, he had
his authentic reaction in its delayed form. #t this point, theworst was
over and the rest of his life could begin. 3e1ll never forget the
boating
accident that took his brother1s life. The pain will never
dissipate
completely. 2ut at some point he will be able to move on. Take
away the
melodrama and it is easy enough to see that we all have someamnesia
to various degrees. It is our challenge, everyone of us, to
awaken and
allow our lives to unfold.
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8arlier, you read that given time and opportunity, The &eader
within 4if
that were your &ife Purpose5 would naturally find a form of
expression in
your life, ust by being you. # more complete description wouldhave
been$ ust by you being you and consciously experiencingyour life@though as the Ordinary "eo$le example indicates, this may
not be as
easy as it sounds.
Principle "1 $ Experience is %he bes% %eacher&
It was not a popular success, but I liked it.,eremiah ,ohnson
is a (ABC
movie starring ?obert ?edford as a disaffected +ivil /ar soldier
#/6&
in the remote ?ocky Mountains. /hether it was the beautiful
scenery,
the heroic 0uest of a lone hero, or my own military imbroglioof the
times, I found myself identifying with the neophyte mountain
man
struggling to survive against the forces of nature. Somehow,
?obert
?edford standing knee deep in a freeing mountain stream,
flailing
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frantically, his prospective dinner laughing back at his feeble
fumbling fishing foray made me consider my own foibles in a
more noble light.
&uckily, ?edford s character is taken under the wing of a mentor!willing
to share the secrets he has garnered through years of
experience. /ill
:eer is the irreverent master of mountain wisdom who ushers
?edford,
the initiate, through his first winter, saving his bacon and getting a
laugh
or two to boot. :eer seemed to particularly savor the hot coals
scene$ a
campfire in the wilderness, warmth, a hot meal, safetyD
=eremiah1s
prospects are looking up. 3e watches as the master spreads
some
embers on the ground, covers them with a layer of dirt, then lays
down
his bedroll for a coy night. =eremiah copies the master1s
behavior andsettles in, satisfied with himself, a maybe;things;will;be;all;right;
after;all
look on his face.
Some time passes. =eremiah leaps awake, his bedroll
smoking, half
aflame. The master rolls over and calmly states 9ot enough dirt.
Saw itright off.9 o further comment is forthcoming and none isneeded.
=eremiah has learned his lesson better than any lecture could
have
accomplished. #nother demonstration will not be re0uired. So it
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is with
most of life s learning opportunities$ experience is the best!teacher.
2olonel 3us%ard 45n %he 2onser+a%ory (i%h %he 6rench7
+olonel Mustard s story gives us the opportunity to further!explore
#xiom 6ne$ Principle 'E. +olonel Mustard is my nickname for a
broker,
approximately thirty;five years of age, whose hands I read
several years
ago. 43is fingerprint chart can be found in #ppendix I, page
FG.5 3e
came into my office well dressed, hair slicked back so as to
present the
sleekest aerodynamic profile. /e shook hands and as he sat
down I got
the impression of an owl silently swooping off its perch at
midnight to
catch its prey. I didn1t get a sinister feeling. It was more an
appreciationfor an efficient, clean machine. 3e was smooth but not oily. I
found
myself liking him more than I wanted.
The reading was moving right along and at an appropriate time
he told
me his story. 3e was in the mustard business, he began. ?ight
now hecontrolled a half million ounces of the yellow herb. 9/hereis your
warehouse-9 I asked, wondering to myself what so much
mustard must
look like. /as it stored in huge vats, like wine- 9The ?othschild
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1BG is
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particularly excellent,9 the connoisseur of my imagination was
saying, preparing to partake of the perfect athan1s hot dog.
9So refined, yet slightly vulgar.9
2ut I had little time to indulge myself in further detours. I satin rapt fascination as my client told me the details of the
business. o warehouses, he explained. It is all on barges
offshore. 3e never even gets to sample the wares. 8verything
is on paper$ brokers, mustard futuresDa high stakes poker
game. If the price of mustard went up one half cent next week he
stood to make a fortune.
3e went on% 9I have made two fortunes in my lifetime only to
wind up
broke both times. I do not intend for this to happen again. The
first time I
lost my money to a freak of nature, an impossibly late
snowstorm that
wiped out a crop that caused a chain of events, the effect of
which was
to leave me over;exposed and bankrupt. The recovery was
slow andpainful, but I did it with the help of a partner. I was the brains% he
had the
cash% and we were a great team, or so I thought, until he
disappeared
on me without a trace and I was broke again. This time I
have left
nothing to chance.9 3e went on to describe the details of his
currentmustard gambit, leaning forward in his chair, eyes super alert.
I was
mesmeried.
3e sat back% my turn to speak. 92efore I tell you your &ife
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Purpose I would like to ask a 0uestion.9 9Shoot.9 #re you in
a relationship-9 9Three,9 was the surprising answer. 3e
described his three current girlfriends, each a beauty 0ueen
he assured me, whom he controlled like a card shark. one
of them knew about his plotting ways, he cleverly suggested.They were all on his string. That is how he came to my office.
6ne of his girlfriends had seen me a few weeks before and he
had decided to try it for himself.
Then it hit me. 3e was the guy !Mathilda" was talking about. ot
only did she know of his other girlfriends, the three of them
had met several times and were banded together with plans
of their own. 6oh la la. Things were getting interestinger and
interestinger as the reading moved to a discussion of his
fingerprints.
9*ou are a Master of Manifestation,9 I told him, 9a man
designed for
success in the world. *our entire purpose in coming into this
lifetime was
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to experience material success in the truest sense of the
phrase. The
line markings and shape of your palm and fingers are also so
arranged.
If I needed to make a million dollars by next Thursday Iwould pick
hands like yours at the cosmic hand store. They are the perfect
tool for
the ob.9
93owever, there is one catch, the same catch that everyone
faces$ we each have a &ife &esson. The only way for any of us to
reach our goal isto make progress in this particular
challenging arena of life. /ithout progress on your &ife &esson
no amount of effort will produce the &ife Purpose satisfaction
you seek.9
9Tell me,9 he said. 9I will do whatever it takes.9
96kay, but you may not want to hear it,9 I said. 9*our &ife
&esson is
Surrender to &ove. )ntil you can let go into a relationship, shareyourself
with a life partner, you will never reach the success that
is your
birthright.9
9/hat are you talking about- 3ow can sex with Mathilda or
sex with +amille affect the price of mustard- *ou are cray. I
have left no stone unturned. /hen the price of mustard goes upnext week, and it will, I am assured my fortune.9
9I know nothing about the price of mustard,9 I replied, 9but I do
know
about Soul Psychology and the laws of fingerprints.9 I described
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his &ife
&esson in greater detail and he agreed that he was
!intimacy
challenged."
9So what- I1ll make my fortune and worry about it later.9
The owl was flapping its wings agitato but his eyes werebulging and he was straining with all his might to get the
connection.
9Maybe in a past life,9 I suggested 9you had succeeded in the
world,only to feel isolated and abandoned. /hat had it all added up8to- you!wondered in your post;life review. /ho knows for sure about
such
things- 2ut I can say that in this lifetime, in your soul1s
wisdom, your
goal is to avoid repeating such errors. ?emember Scrooge-
3e had
money but no love. /hen the angels visited he begged foranother
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chance to put things rightDand he did. *our &ife Purpose asks
the same of you.9
Most with this &ife &esson spend decades 4at least5 with too
muchsurrender as the governing theme. +olonel Mustard s girlfriend,!whom I
had read for, was one such example 43er fingerprints are in
#ppendix I,
page FG. Mathilda, coming up shortly on pages FH;FC, also
has the
same fingerprints.5 The Mustard Man was on the other side of
this coin$
too little surrender. I invented a story of a woman sufferingin an
uncaring relationship as we discussed the flip side of the
surrender skills
training program.
9I would never sacrifice so much for a relationship. She issuch a
sucker,9 he replied to my veiled description of his girlfriend1sdilemma.
92ut she is in the same classroom as you, seeking the same
skill you are. 3er &ife Purpose differs from yours, but the banana
peel under the foot of each of you 4your &ife &esson5 is
exactly the same. She surrenders too much, you surrender too
little.9
9/hy doesn1t she ust dump the erk- I would,9 suggested
+olonel Mustard, not realiing who the erk in 0uestion was.
9*ou would, but until she actually goes through the
experience, no amount of logic will convince her.9 I turned the
tables back on him. 9/hy can1t you let go enough to love
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anyone-9
3e started telling me the oys of his playboy lifestyle, but for such
a deft
salesman he made a weak case. 3e sensed this as well,or so itseemed, his argument fading out mid;stream. I borrowed a
poker story,
figuring I could use it to segue way back to his mustard
business. 9This
man loved poker,9 I began 9but he continually lost money. 3is
losses
were mounting up so he decided to get some help, hiring an
expert to
teach him the secrets of winning.9 The tape clicked off% we were
half way
through the session. +olonel Mustard was nervously tapping his
feet as
I flipped the tape over and reinserted it into the recorder.
9The man goes over to the expert1s house and hands over
his five;thousand;dollar fee and is told 1/ait a bit, I1ll be right back.1 The
expert
leaves the man alone in his living room for ten minutes. The
man gets
antsy, wonders what is going on. 3as he been ripped off- 3e
leaves the
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living room to find the poker expert in the kitchen reading a
newspaper and having a cup of coffee.9
91/hat1s the deal-1 he asks.9
91*our first lesson is patience,1 the expert replies 1and obviously
we are going to have to work 0uite a bit on that one.19
9Interesting,9 my client said with growing impatience. 92ut
what1s your
point-9
9The point is you can tell somebody something until you are
blue in the
face, but until they experience it, it is ust words. If the poker
expert had
said that patience was a key principle in poker it would not have
sunk in
the same way. In your case, Mr. Mustard, you came into this
lifetime to
learn how to love and be loved, without which any material
success willleave you the same empty shell as Scrooge before his
resurrection.
*our rules for this life are love first, succeed second. #ll attempts
to go in
the reverse order will not work, but this is something you must
learn for
yourself.9
+olonel Mustard was nothing if not 0uick. 3e countered my
pawn to >ueen 7our with his own en $assant. 92ut whenmustard goes up next week and I make a million your reading
will be all wet, won1t it-9
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9ot really. I have seen it again and again. )nless progress is
made in the &ife &esson, the &ife Purpose Inverse shows
up, not the &ife Purpose. I don1t know how it will happen. It
may take you losing ten or twenty million dollars before you
finally open up to another, if you ever do at all. 2ut until you doyou will not gain the satisfaction you seek. If however, having
experienced the pain of repeated failure, you eventually open
your heart, you will find your life shifting of its own accord.
True Success will come your way, material success a likely
component, but not until you grapple with your intimacy
demons.9
I didn1t really expect +olonel Mustard to get it. ot that he was
especially
hard headed or anything% his skepticism made total sense to
me. 3is
0uestions were appropriate. 2ut his pattern with women had
been
ongoing his entire adult life. I thought maybe his reading could
possibly
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be a seed that would start to bloom some time later. 2ut he
surprised
me.
/e spent the rest of his session talking about other factorsregarding !success" in love. I could see his mind replaying past
relationships and coming to new conclusions. #s he left my
office he gave me a sincere hug and told me he felt like a new
man. 6f course, he may have been !seducing" me. Seduction
came so naturally, he could be doing it and not even realie it
himself.
/e1ll revisit Mr. Mustard at a later point, but for now, let1s go to
Principle 'G of #xiom 6ne.
Principle "9 $ 0ou need all your experiences %obecome %head+anced +ersion of you&
&ooking back, weren1t some of the biggest growth spurts of
your life in response to discomfort- #s a matter of fact, it isabsolutely clear you could not have gotten to where you are
today if things had been hunkydory day in and day out. 6f
course, that doesn1t mean it is in your interest to seek out pain
and displeasure.
&oving our children we want only the best for them, but we also
know
that we do them no favor if we take away all pain possibilities
4as if we
could anyway5. Parents must draw their own line. It is one thing
to take
away a privilege for a missed homework assignment, it is
another thing
entirely to let a child flunk out or allow one to get hit by a train.
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49I told
him not to play near the tracks. I guess now he1ll listen.95
ietsche said,
9That which doesn1t kill me makes me stronger,9 but how far
should wepress the theory-
I don1t know either, but consider this perspective. Imagine you
have a
:uardian #ngel, a cosmic personal trainer whose ob it is to
get you
ready to live your &ife Purpose. The advanced being in
0uestion
watches your life at the +osmic 2ar and :rill on 8arth T.
More your
advocate than any person could be, he will be standing at your
side at
the :ates of 3eaven when you take your entry exam. 93mm,
how tough
should I make this next &ife &esson incident-" your :# muses. !I
don1t
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want to discourage this precious human but I don1t want to make
things too easy.9
&et1s take the analogy one step further. *our :uardian #ngel can
makeall your dreams come true. 4
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tastes
the first porridge$ too hot. The second is too cold but the third
is ust
right. She goes into the next room where she finds three beds.
The firstone is too hard, the next is too soft but the third is ust right. If
you don1t
know what happens when the three bears come home to find a
dumb
blond asleep in their bedroom, you can look it up on the internet.
3owever, far from being a dumb blonde, :oldilocks is a true
master of
this three;dimensional plane. &ook at her experimental method$
she tries
something out, it is too this or that. She tries again, this time going
to the
opposite extreme. #gain she goes too far. 2ut she perseveres and
finds
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that which is ust right. Too much, too little, ust rightDthat1s the
master1s formula.
3ave you ever watched one of those black;and;white /orld
/ar II movies- The :I1s are in a foxhole% a mortar shell lands infront of them% another shell lands behind them% they leap out of
the foxhole ust before being blasted to kingdom come. They
knew they had been bracketed. The enemy had found out what
was too much and what was too little. =ust right could be
expected momentarily.
These exaggerated scenarios were designed as a memory
device to remind you of this central tenet of Soul Psychology. To
gain experiences, humans go too far and not far enough on their
way 4one hopes5 to ust right. The trick is to learn from one1s
experience, to follow :oldilocks1 example and not to get
stuck forever playing ping;pong between uncomfortable
extremes that represent inappropriate responses to
circumstance. To make this as clear as possible, let1s see if we
can spot the :oldilocks ?ule at work in the next story.
3a%hilda
Mathilda is totally infatuated with 7red. I guess that is why she
agreed to
give him the money she had been saving for college. The plan
is for
Mathilda to meet up with 7red in #laska in a few weeks where he
will be
building a cabin for them to live in. They will start an organicfarm and
live happily ever after. #rriving in #laska, Mathilda finds no
cabin, no
7red, no ucchinis. Maybe next time she won1t be sotrusting with
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someone she ust met.
7ast forward fifteen years$ Mathilda has not had a serious
relationship
since 7red. In effect, she has locked the barn door after thehorses have
gone, but she1s not complaining. She has become a therapist
and has
helped lots of people get their lives together. 9I don1t need a
man to be
happy,9 she says, and who wants to argue with that- Then Phil
shows
up. Mathilda helps Phil to sobriety. Phil is grateful. They fall in
love. They
move into Mathilda1s townhouse. Somehow, Phil loses his ob.
)3;63.
Mathilda1s ewelry is missing. They have a fight. Mathilda
shows up for
work the next day with a black eye. Things get worse. Phil gets
arrested,
not for the first time it turns out, and Mathilda uses her life savingsto bail
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him out. She comes home to find him in her bed with some ex;
girlfriend or other. It only gets worse from here. Take out the
ucchinis in #laska, rearrange a few details, and you have the
life story of thousands of people with fingerprints like
Mathilda s.!
Mathilda1s :# could have ust whispered in her ear 9
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man5. 3ere is surrender error 'C$ surrender too little. She
meets Phil$
surrender error 'F$ surrender too much again. This is the
:oldilocks
?ule in action. Too much, too little. ?epeat as necessary.
If Mathilda can raise her awareness to a +J in the surrender
skills training program her &ife Purpose will flower. Said
differently, if she can be at all conscious as she goes through
these events she will learn enough from them to enter into the
main se0uence of her &ife Purpose. 9Think of these experiences
as part of your therapist1s training. 3ealer heal thyself,
Mathilda.9
Two years after Phil, Mathilda has resumed dating again. #t
least this time she didn1t need a fifteen year hiatus. She is still
looking for her first good relationship, but the barn door is neither
carelessly flung open nor is it nailed shut. This is progress and
progress on one1s &ife &esson is what opens the door to &ife
Purpose. #fter all, how is Mathilda going to learn except through
trial and error-
Principle "= $ 0ou >a+e Permission %o )earn
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/hen people are in the throes of their &ife &esson, when
things are
looking the most bleak, sometimes the best I can hope for in a
reading is
to hold out the comfort that, as humans, we have permission tolearn.
Mathilda came into this life to learn advanced surrender
skills. The
experiences garnered by going through such a difficult training
program
are necessary for her &ife Purpose to blossom. 6f course, she
may self;
destruct, her &ife Purpose remaining hidden, out of reach. Thatis up to
Mathilda. /ith her fingerprints, either outcome 4or some
combination of
each5 is possible. 3owever, there is no way she can avoid
surrender
errors entirely. The only 0uestion is, can she learn from her
mistakes
and move forward on her life path- 8asy enough to say from
outside thebattle, but if you are Mathilda and you have ust withdrawn
your life
savings to bail out Phil, words to this effect may have a hollow
ring. It
would be like telling someone who ust lost a child to leukemia
that all is
right in :od1s kingdom. True or false, at that moment it may not
be thecomfort the speaker intends.
Mathilda knows full well she is in danger. She
remembers what
happened with 7red when she was fifteen. 2ut Phil has been
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sober for a
week now and when she saw him yesterday at the ail, their
love for
each other filled the room and everything else disappeared. 3er
logicaltherapist1s mind knows his relapse possibilities are high but
her heart
wants to believe. #nd there she is in my office, hands
outstretched,
hoping there is a sign that will allow her to do that which she
knows is
not in her own interests.
Instead, Mathilda hears that this is exactly the type of
circumstances one could expect if one had a &ife &esson like
the one that appears in her fingerprints. The challenge is to
recognie the surrender issue for what it is, to choose
consciously, taking responsibility for whatever may be the
outcome. #gain, so much easier to say than do.
3y ?ingerprin%s
&et s continue the permission to learn theme by using an!example from
my own fingerprints. 4My fingerprint chart is on page FGK,
second row,
right.5
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feelings about this early on, but &ife &essons imply blind
spots and I
refused to take my suspicions seriously, the better to avoid
having to
confront my adversaries. #s with all &ife &essons, however,things ust
don1t go away.
#nother incident occurred and I could no longer lie to myself. So
and so had deliberately done such and such. I decided to
confront the situation head on. 9Tomorrow, yes tomorrow would
be a better day to do this than today,9 a voice inside my head
said.
:ood. I didn1t want to have that conversation today anyway. I let it
pass. # few weeks later it all boiled over again. I was in a
meeting and so and so said such and such. !3old it one
second. /hat about my proposal last week that we all agreed
to-9 I was being bypassed again and it would do no good to
bring it up here. The problem was with the 2ig Poobah, not
this underling.
I decided to talk to him as soon as possible. I was scared 4he
was after
all the biggest Poobah this side of the ?ocky Mountains5, but
was I a
man or a mouse- I called up Poobah the 2ig and,
reaching his
secretary, set an appointment to get all this handled once and for
all. Sothere. The appointment was twelve days hence 4Poobahs are
busy, you
know5, so other than a bit of stewing, for the time being
there wasnothing to do.
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Twelve days hence came and I was ten minutes early
for my
appointment. I figured I d start with an acknowledgement of how!much
Poobah had helped me and why I respected all he hadaccomplished for
the organiation. Then I1d let him have it. /hy was he
undercutting me-
/e had agreed to my plan. /hy was it not being
implemented- /hy
wasn1t I even told about this- I had it all written down. I took
a deep
breath. I was ready. 7orty minutes passed. Poobahs like to do
that, I
thought% a power maneuver. I can see his game a mile away,
hah. 9Mr.
)nger, Mr. Poobah can1t see you today. Something big has come
up. 3e
asked me to reschedule with you for next month. 3e
regrets any
inconvenience.9
I exited$ half furiousDhalf relieved.
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ext month ensued, during which time all sorts of minor
incidents
occurred that validated my suspicions.
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and what I was going to talk about. 3e had orchestrated the
entire deal. I know that now, now that I am not in the throes of
it all. 2ut at the time I couldn1t be sure of anything. I was so
worked up. I was angry, scared, unsure, guilty, and who knows
what else all rolled up into a ball of confusion and frustration.
I stomped out into the parking lot and sat in my car for who
knows how
long until a voice inside my head popped up$ 9?ichard,9 it said.
9Three
months ago you blatantly disregarded the clues and your feelings
on this
mess. Two months ago you recognied what was going on but
you did
nothing about it. &ast month you tried to do something but let
it get
away. Today you confronted him and got about half of what you
wanted
to say off your chest. That1s progress young man. ot too bad.
This is
your &ife &esson here. It is as tough as anything gets for you.
*ou1re notsupposed to be good at this. *ou have permission to learn&Leep it up
and you1ll be 6L.9
I felt a little better. ot a lot mind you, but a little was a lot if
you know
what I mean. Three months later I left the organiation and as I
look
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back, I learned so much while I was there and, whether Mr.
Poobah saw
this or not, I needed to move on. Mr. Poobah had helped me to
do so.
2ack to Mathilda in my office wondering about Phil. /ell, you
read her story. She feels worse than ever and as the reading
unfolds it is clear that she has already made up her mind what
she is going to do. I hoped that the message 9*ou have
permission to learn9 would help her to keep her self esteem more
or less intact through the morass.
6ther times, people like Mathilda come in after the storm has
passed. Phil is gone and they are never going to make a
mistake like that again. I agree. They have gained in experience.
2ut these are fingerprints we are talking about and fingerprints do
not change. /e can expect another round of surrender issues to
emerge in Mathilda1s life at some time or another. In a new
disguise, to be sure, but expect the same dragon to attack
another wall of the castle. 6f this you can be certain. 3owever, if
Mathilda can learn from prior errors the attack will be less
effective and her &ife Purpose will continue to blossom.
Twenty years from now, when Mathilda is asked to be the +hair
Person
for the ational +ommission on Therapy and 3ealth +are,
surrender
issues will work their wiggly way right back into Mathilda1s life
story.
Should she let some 2ig Poobah pressure her to put so and soon the
+ommission or should she stand her ground- If she has been
paying
attention to her experiencing process, the lessons garnered
dealing with
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Phil, and 7red, and their ilk may provide the guidance she
needs to
steer an appropriate course.
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-y Red)eaded #aughter and !ong #ivision
/#addy' &0m never going to become a functional adult'/sighed my redheaded daughter. /1hat0s u$2/ & asked abit tentatively' not having a clue as to the sub3ect athand. /&n class today we were working in our mathbook and ,ohn was doing long division and & can0tremember the rst thing about it. &0m never going toget out of fourth grade./ 4he was a full two days intofourth grade at this $oint.
/Oh'/ & re$lied' relieved. )ow many functional adults
remember long division anyway2
/!et me check your math book. (ha5 6ou didn0t coverlong division in third grade. & thought so. &s ,ohn thatkid that 3ust moved here from -innea$olis2 )e musthave covered long division in third grade. 6ou haven0tstarted it yet./ & rose to em$hasi7e my $oint.
/Remember' dear one' when you didn0t know how to tie
your shoes but you $racticed and now it0s easy2 (nd
your bicycle' remember8/
/Thanks #ad./ & was being interru$ted 3ust as &
a$$roached my nal summation. /)old the s$eech'/she declared as she left the room. /That0s all & neededto know./
Each of us has come %o %he Ear%h Uni+ersi%y (i%hsome%hing %o learn and some%hing %o do&
6e empa%hi@e (i%h our children as %hey s%ruggle (i%h%heir lessons- bu% can (e be as kind %o oursel+es as (e
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go %hrough %he %raining program prin%ed on our
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Axiom One of Soul Psychology:Experience Reuired 4summary5
The earth plane is an arena for advancing souls togrow in consciousness.
In order to accomplish this goal, advancing souls seekexperience.
Principle '( ; The life goal is the experiencing process itself.
Principle 'C ; 6ne s experiences always seek to unlock!one s &ife!Purpose.
Principle 'F ; &iving your &ife Purpose means experiencing all
that life brings your way.
, #s your experience level increases, your ability to makechoices
improves and your outcomes will be more in your favor.
3owever, you cannot get experience without trial and error.
, The more consciously you gain in experience, the moreyour true
self emerges.
, The more your true self emerges, the more your &ifePurpose
blossoms.
, The more your &ife Purpose blossoms, the more you willlike the
life you are living., Lnowing your &ife Purpose allows you to betterinterpret the
events and relationships that already exist in your life, toenhance the experiencing process-so you can move inthe direction your life wishes to go.
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Principle 'K ; *ou must be conscious of your feelings togain
experience.
Principle 'E ; 8xperience is the best teacher.
Principle 'G ; *ou need all your experiences to become the
advanced version of you.
, The :oldilocks ?ule$ Too muchtoo little leads to ust right
Principle 'B ; *ou have permission to learn.