How Not to Suck at Life

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Copyright © 2010 MYIA-J LLC, All Rights Reserved.

How Not to

Suck at Life

by Myia J



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You Suck If You Violate Copyright Laws

How Not to Suck at Life is copyrighted (2010 - all rights

reserved). It is illegal to copy, redistribute or quote this

book without the permission of the author. By reading

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★ All information contained herein is the property and

opinion of Myia J★ Any reference given in the book pertaining to medical

or legal should be verified by a licensed and/or board

certified professional★ Links contained in this document are verified before

publishing, but may change. Myia J is not responsible

for information contained on other websites.

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Any questions? email [email protected]

mailto:[email protected]







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Waiting on Tomorrow?Tomorrow never comes...

My godfather is quite a jovial fellow. Since he retired, he has a habit of going fishing. Often, when we can’t find him, we just assume he’s

headed down to the gulf to do some bonding with nature. Soon, our

freezer may be filled with enough tasty seafood to last us through the

month. You’re probably wondering what my godfather and his fishing

have to do with not sucking at life. My godfather made a decision to

follow Doris Day’s advice and live every day as if it were his last.

Despite what you may have heard, living like “que sera sera” (whatever

will be, will be) is not frivolous. He has learned to take his life day by

day and give time to reflection and relaxation. Fishing is something that

he enjoys greatly, and I take from him a couple of life lessons in his

quest for aquatic retirement therapy.

Plan your days as they comeThe other night my godfather

was scratching his head,

asking himself out loud “Do

I want to go f ishing

tomorrow or not? He hadn’t

made up his mind yet, but

he had the flexibility to

make the decision with only

a few hours notice. If someone were to come to him with

something more fun or more pressing, he probably would have changed



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his plans. That is the awesome power of flexible living - ruling life

instead of living rules.

In my purse there is a little notebook that I carry around everywhere I

go. My quirky ideas are contained in those notes as well as my daily to-do lists. Many times my plans change, so for the most part I write out

mini to-do lists, like “To-Do at the Office” or “To-Do After Work.” I

could plan my whole week or month out like most people seem to do in

corporate America, but it would be too rigid for me. You see, I love

spontaneity and even in my organization I leave room for on-the-fly

changes, like going to see a mid-week secret concert of my favorite

artists or dropping by my favorite restaurant with a friend. Besides, if I

leave a little room for spontaneity, I leave room for the unexpected. It is

often said that the only constant about life is change. When you leave

room for both the good and bad changes, your stress level goes down

and you’re able to bounce back from the craziness of life.

Take one and pass it onLike I said before, my godfather often

comes back with a boatload of fish and

usually he shares it with his family and

friends. Soon after the drop off, my

mom gets an itch to cook and a bowl of

potato salad appears in the refrigerator to

go along with the fresh fried goodies. Not only does my godfather get his fish

fried, but he gets the benefits of the extra

sides that come from a grateful cook.

The same type of appreciation happens



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at the other houses to whom he provides the fish. In providing

scrumptious vittles to the countryside, my godfather teaches me one

more principle: sharing what you have increases what you get.

Your gauge for life’s success shouldn’t be based on material goods like ahouse and a car, because those things demand constant maintenance and

hard work to keep them shiny-looking. Sharing insight with others is a

gift that keeps on giving. Mentorship is the key to investing in a brighter

future and extending the reach of what your legacy will be. You will be

surprised at what comes back to you.

Remember, there are those who watch history and

there are those who make it. Which one will you be?



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The Sky is FallingSo I brought my umbrella

During my elementary school days, adults all around me were worriedabout global warming, running out of oil resources and a few years later,

the world was going to end at midnight on January 1, 2000. Throughout

my life I had heard and eventually became a disbeliever in most of the

“world is about to end” theories. Besides, I had read in the bible once

that no man knew when God would end things, so I felt it was a waste of

my time to speculate. As cool a word as “Nostradamus” is, I decided not

to believe the hype of the masses, but rather focus on what I would do if

I had decades more to live.

I love my body

No one really likes going to the doctor

or swallowing those green vitamins, but

sometimes that is what is necessary for

us to have a healthy body. What I have

found (and what many experts state)

is that a healthy body is one of the

basics for having a healthy and stress

free life. When your diet is off and your

brain is not being physically fed the

right nutrients, you not only get pimplesand indigestion, but your mental health is in jeopardy as well.

A friend once told me that he was upset because he rented out several

houses and each time the tenants left, the house was trashed. He said he



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had learned his lesson and realized that other people will wear down

what is not theirs, but give their own items the best care. Often other

people will wear you down and push you to the edge because they are

not as in tune with your body as you are. Your bodily warning signs areyour mechanisms for servicing, just as the engine oil light is on a car.

Take care of your body as if you had to live in it for years to come.

Save the trauma

I’m a fan of CSI, Criminal Minds and the news shows about true crime.

Maybe it was because the first few years of my life I practically lived in

the legal system (my mom was an attorney). What these shows have

taught me is that we all experience trauma, from the smartest crime

scene guru to the most evil criminal in the prison system. There are

things about life that truly suck, one being that hurting people hurt other

people. The cycle continues and eventually we have a screwed up

community. To combat the inevitable hurt we will probably experience

in life, we must find ways to help us work through them to be stronger people.

There are studies to show that if you deal with your feelings within 72

hours of a trauma, long term damage to your psyche will diminish. Take

the Hudson River plane crash for example. The pilot that heroically

landed the plane, Chesley B. "Sully" Sullenberger, has talked out his

side of the story so many times, that he has probably worked out most of

his anxieties, wrote out his memoirs and has been a champion for air safety ever since. He took his trauma and made it his platform, helping

himself as he helps others.

One of the reasons why YouTube is so popular is that it creates an outlet

for people to vent about their anxieties, something that we all should do.



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Internet users also accomplish the same thing by blogging or writing

notes on Facebook. If those outlets do not help you get over your issues,

the best thing to do is employ a counselor to guide you through the

healing process. After all, it sucks to live with trauma.

Oh, gee... I better read more.

I really miss Saturday cartoons. Actually, the part of the cartoons that I

miss the most are the series that they broadcasted based on books.

Anyone remember that cat Cap’n O.G. Readmore? He always had a

cool story and encouraged reading for fun. Cap’n Readmore did not

suck at life (albeit he was an animated cat) because he knew that the power of knowledge was the

currency of life. Life is a learning

experience, and to navigate it we

must cont inue to pick up

knowledge here and there.

Sometimes we are required to

learn from history so that we do

not make the same mistakes as

those who came before us. These

principles are often contained in

the library or at the bookstore and

contribute to a healthier life as

well. Reading is one of the bestways to avoid sucking at life.

The Treasures of Life are hidden in a book.

Go forth and find them!



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Passion + Purpose = PrideSteam for your dream

In the bestselling book The Alchemist (by Paul Coelho), the young mannamed Santiago set off to find a treasure he had never seen but desired

more than anything. His safe bet was to remain a shepherd, but

something within him would not let him rest. There is a something

within all of us that pushes us to find the unknown. It is called our

purpose. What fuels our quest for purpose? Our passion does. What

happens when the two collide? We finally find the sense of pride, our

ultimate self esteem in knowing that we matter and our lives are part of a

bigger picture.

Out of the pan; into the fire

A friend of mine was upset because everything she had worked so hard

for seemed to be crashing down. She had done all the right things

according to what society told her, including going to school and getting

a good job. Let’s not forget the benefits, right? Pretty soon after she

started her first high-paying job, she felt empty inside and hated going in

every morning. Eventually, her work started to suffer and she was

placed on warning several times by her boss. Her passion was really in

sports, but her family had led her to believe that there was no money for

a woman in sports. One day she had enough of the rat race and started

her own sports business on the side. After a few months of workinghard, she started to replace her current job’s salary with the money she

was making in her sports business.

Sometimes the reason that we are so depressed going to our jobs

everyday is because we were placed on earth to do other things. Once



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we get complacent in our jobs, our passion begins to stir and we do not

feel comfortable anymore. In fact, we might feel downright angry! You

do not have to be angry to discover your passion, but often the anger is

what pushes a person to change things about their life that they do notlike.

Your skills are not your passion

Sometimes people confuse what they’re

good at with what they need to do

in life. Your skills are only a

portion of the the bigger plan

for which your life is made.

While my friend was busy

getting her sports company

established, she needed to make a

steady income. She used what came

naturally to her to get her businessdegree and to land her a job. The bigger

plan did not allow for her to stay at that

job, though. To satisfy her passion, she had

to move forward with her purpose. Once she

started pursuing her sports passion, her self image was boosted and she

felt that she was on the right track. Her job skills had set up a

framework for the structure in life she was meant to build.

Your heart will still beat when your soul is empty -

your moving body is the key to fulFILL it.



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Life is too shortAnd the body count still rises

There was a day when I felt that I could not take it anymore. My bodywas in so much pain that I could not make it through the day. Everyone

around me treated me as if I had hypochondria and for the bulk of

several months I tried to convince myself that it was hypochondria. The

migraines would not stop and the leg cramps were chronic and came at

the most inopportune times, like when I was on an elevator full of high-

powered executives. As a final plea for help, my body screamed through

my chest and led me to believe that I was in the middle of a mini heart

attack. My family doctor turned me over to a specialist and would you

believe that my body was in real pain? Yes, the hypochondria that others

had diagnosed me with turned into an ulcer. Imagine me going back to

tell everyone that I had an ulcer. Would you believe that even then I got

no sympathy? Soon after announcing my ailment, people were trying to

tell me what I was doing wrong to deserve the ulcer or they were telling

me that I was too young to have an ulcer. What lesson did I learn from

this experience? You never get the type of sympathy you THINK you

ought to have and no one can hear your body but you. Whether the

message is in your brain, your heart or your GUT, only you have the

power to answer the call.

I sucked at schoolThere are some parts of my college transcripts that I would decline to

show to anyone. Those records have been under lock and key for a long

time and I intend to keep them that way. I am in no ways a dummy (and

yes, I did graduate), but there were circumstances that I allowed into my



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life to overrun my studies. I heard a preacher once say that when you

are in college, your job is to get the knowledge. Everything else falls

behind. In my environment, going to school was only part of my job

description. I had to lend myself to other things lest I not be “blessed.”Often I would evaluate my situation and think “how is it that I’m blessed

making D’s?” (oops, I let out a secret!). The answer was, my priorities

and my environment were all wrong. Working too hard to do too much

is too stressful and leads to too early of a death. Do you hear me? Set

your own priorities and let others deal with it. My mom always says

“Every tub sits on its own bottom.” At the end of life, your satisfaction

will be based on what you felt that you achieved for yourself and not

what you achieved for others. Treat everyone with respect, but make

sure that you are writing your own blueprint for life. If you do not, you

may end up being angry with yourself for helping others succeed and

neglecting yourself.

It’s all mind over matterMy favorite childhood

c h a r a c t e r s w e r e t h e

Muppets. In one of my

favorite Muppet Show

episodes, Fozzie Bear was

trying to convince Kermit

to do a magic trick withhim. He coaxed and coaxed

until he finally said “It’s just mind over matter.” In response, Statler and

Waldorf (the old guys) quipped “Yeah, you don’t mind and he doesn’t

matter!” While that drew a lot of laughs, that saying is quite true when



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it comes to your hopes and dreams. Networking is very important and

friends are helpful to have as encouragement, but it is ALWAYS up to

you to make your dreams come true. At the end of the day, the only

thing that matters is the effort YOU put towards YOUR dream. If a person is not helping you move forward, they are either holding you

back or hanging as dead weight. Let us not forget that the ones that

know you the best are the ones that can get to you the best, but your

worst enemy might be yourself!

That reminds me of the situation that I had with one of my exes. Our

lives could have been complementary to each other and I tried as much

as I could to help him. You see, I had already gotten my degree and he

was working on his, so at times I would help him study and brainstorm

on papers. Soon it was just me doing his work for him because I “wrote

better and put [my] words together better,” according to him (is that

plagiarism? uh, oh.). He kept saying that we were a team and I

continued to believe it to be so. Eventually though, it dawned on me

that I was putting more effort into the relationship than he was. At mysuggestion of the thought, he kept telling me I was paranoid because

taking out the trash was equivalent to me writing papers, right? We had

only been dating for a few months when one day he introduced me to his

other girlfriend and after the shock wore off he announced to the both of

us:

“Just because I share my dreams withyou doesn’t mean that you’re in them.”

Oh, how true this was, because both of us were a means to an end. She

admitted that she knew about me, but that he swore to her that I was



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only helping him to get where he needed in life in order to reach his

goals. He still tried to convince me otherwise, countering that she was a

friend with whom he bounced his ideas back and forth, that I was

“number one” but I declined his offer, stating that I was interested in being the “only one.”

As we talked about earlier, everyone has a purpose

and passion in life. In dating, family and

business relationships, there is more

than one person and more

than one mind

involved, which

proves to be a bit

sticky sometimes,

especially when

you’re not sure of your

own priorities and

purpose in life. Just because a person is dynamic

or easy to love does not mean

that they are in your life to

move forward beside you. My ex was a learning experience, but he was

certainly not my cheerleader. Remember, how far you go and what you

do is ultimately up to you. You are your own cheerleader (or you

should be). The power you have is in your choices. Choosing to liveyour life for the purpose you were created is the ultimate power that you

can have on earth.



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What are you waiting for?

My cousin Robin and I were having a conversation going on maybe 6

years ago. Somewhere in the conversation she made a statement to the

effect that I could not stand around waiting for our older relatives to die before doing something significant with my life. At the time, the

statement was quite harsh, because I was raised to contribute to the

family and stay close. Looking back, though, “contribution” equalled

“stalling.” Living my life for my family took me through a deep

depression and loss of my own identity. I was one with the group and

could not think or do for myself, because there was always a safety net.

Robin, on the other hand, waived the safety net and plunged wholly intoa completely new culture called “New York City.” Through hard work

and risk taking, she made a name for herself in the “eco-friendly living”

arena, recently releasing a book about the Kennedy house project that

she oversaw. [www.kennedygreenhouse.com]

Over the course of a year I lost my granny and my daddy within months

of each other. Two of the anchors in my life had suddenly vanished and

had left me to figure out life on my own. There were no more trips to

the nursing home and no driving my dad to cancer treatments. That time

was completely open to whatever my heart desired. For awhile, it

seemed so wrong and so right at the same time. They both were in the

cheering section of my life, nudging me into my purpose. At a certain

point though, it was only my actions that could help me succeed and the

safety net was taken to show me that the safest place for me was in themiddle of my vision, fulfilling my life’s purpose.

http://www.kennedygreenhouse.com/






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How does this apply to me?The recipe for not sucking at life

I am violently allergic to mushrooms. When they get into my system, Ifeel like I’m going to die and the oxygen starts to seep from my body as

my throat closes and my face swells. Once upon a time one of my

students was so kind to me and brought me fried goodies to share in the

classroom. On the way home that evening, my body went through a

tingling fit and my head started to pound a hip-hop beat of its own. My

throat dried up and started to shrivel as I burned rubber on the interstate.

Eventually I had to quickly stop by my local drugstore and buy some

Benadryl to counteract the symptoms that I recognized as an allergy.

What was done in a goodwill spirit turned out to be a near tragedy.

Later it was revealed that the student had fried my goodies with the same

batter as the fried mushrooms. I did not blame the student, though.

They didn’t know that the mere contact would evoke my allergies. This

brings us to the two main principles for how not to suck at life.

T o x i c !



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What is toxic for you may not be toxic for everyone

Anyone can give you advice. Your childhood, school career and life

lessons can teach you the boundaries of life. The plate of life, however,

is one filled with many daily specials. The menu is vast and there are

plenty of combinations. Your combination will always be different from

everyone else. What works for you may not work for your friends. Like

my mushroom allergy, taking on another’s idea for your life could be

dangerous. Meanwhile, they are sitting back, chewing on life’s goodies

while you recover.

You are in charge of what goes on your plate

If someone claims to have a good idea for what you should do for your

life, please run and exit quickly. People give you what they want you to

have and not necessarily what is good for you. You may find yourself

sipping a smoothie when what you really need is a thick juicy steak. It

is your job to find out the best options for you. Based on what I just told

you about my allergy, you know that I definitely should not placemushrooms on my plate, so it would be highly idiotic of me to insist that

mushrooms belong on my plate. Remember, only you have the definite

answer within you because only you have access to the inner workings

of your body, including your soul and its desire.

Take your plate and fill up on what life has to offer.



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Life is tasty.

Would you rather suck it

up or savor every moment?



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Official Release

June 20, 2010

A portion of sales benefits The Prostate Cancer Foundatio



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on June 20, 2010to find out how!This promotion is not affiliated with Apple or its partners

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Copyright © 2010 MYIA J LLC All Rights Reserved

Career Highlights:

• Author of The Diva Dating Manual, Be A Blessing “Write” Now

and The Theory of Daddy’s Girl• Former Radio Host of “Walking Through The

Madness” (WorldTalk Radio) • Social Media Consulting for various media clients

Bio: Myia J was pegged a "daddy's girl" from the beginning, getting her name

from her father, who put "My Maria" together to form "My-ia." That trusting

partnership grew into a business later in life as her father supported her in a

venture into DNA paternity testing, providing evidence for such shows asMaury, Judge Mathis, and Jerry Springer. Managing cases with paternity clients

and mentoring young women triggered a passion for family healing in Myia.

Today her books and seminars target family, personal and dating solutions that

relate to strong male relationships in addition to finding out "Whose your

daddy?"

Educational Background:

• A.S. Business Administration (2003)

• B.S. Information Technology (2004)

• M.S. Entertainment Business (2010)

• Faith-Based Counseling Certification (2010)

!"#$"!"

Maria “ Myia J ” Jonas

Available for booki ngs






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How Not to Suck at Life