TX Citizen 4.9.15

2015KaninchenSchlag!

Sports, Page 6

VOLUME FOURI S S U E 1 504 .09 .15

VOLUME FOURI S S U E 1 504 .09 .15

Hatchet Job Loses Prophet | Wurst of the Wurst "Winners" | Colby on Rand Paul

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2015KaninchenSchlag!

Sports, Page 6

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table of contents

11 Wurst of the

Wurst ResultsWhile we tabulate 2015's "Best of"

votes, we of fer the very worst ofthe eld for your perusal.

8CitizenSoundcheckThe ONLY guide of i ts kindfor the NB/SM Metroplex!

12

31st Word

"Prophet" meets heat,leaves kitchen.

4County BeatDon't read this while you're eating. Or if you plan on eating in the future.

15Best of the WurstSample BallotFinally. Your vote counts for SOMEthing.

6SportsThe 2015 Bunny Thwack

Last WordColby talks Rand Paul. 14

The County sMost WantedLook Daddy!Mommys in the paper!

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Self-Proclaimed Prophet Requests TXC Revise HistoryIf youve been keeping track of the local doings, you know that a Christian production company has plans to come to town over Memorial Day weekend to save us from ourselves through the power of reality television.

Producer Jay Hix Jones intends to show how the rivers here are:

South Padre, Daytona, and Cancun combined and then multiplied by Vegas and Ibiza, and that furthermore, the cases of rapes, violence, indecent exposure, arrests, fights, accident, etc etc increase ten fold during the Holiday Weekend. TEN FOLD! And as if THAT werent bad enough, As we all know, there is a party culture on the river especially during Memorial Day, and with this culture brings an increase in fights, arrests, rapes, deaths, public intoxication, indecent exposure, accidents, trash on the river etc etc etc the list goes on and on. Yeah. As we all know. We all know all of that. Its why we lock ourselves in our homes all summer long.

Take a good look at the above quotes. And remember that Hix Jones runs a Christian production company as if businesses can relate to an Almighty. And then remember that when religion and media hook up, lies are certain to follow. I started my career in evangelical media, and I know that the people that work in the Jesus-Industrial Complex often consider ethical standards to be something that other people are subject to. Honesty is for the unsaved, or The World, as the JIC calls those not part of the Complex. Theyve got bigger things to worry about, and cant be constrained by rules created to keep the average worldly person in line.

Let me be very clear: Most Christians do not work in the Jesus-Industrial Complex. So given a choice between two Christian plumbers, always hire the one that doesnt have a fish in their ad. The fish is a flashing red sign that announces I dont have to earn your trust, and Ill find a way

to abuse it. Hix Jones has embraced that convention.

Except for what youve seen in the pages of the TXC, Hix Jones claims have gone unchallenged by the media.

Local coverage, from the San Antonio Express-News, to the

Houston-owned Herald-Zeitung, to KGNB radio has been positive. So imagine my surprise when I got an email from Dr Luke Holter, a man who markets himself as a prophet, refers to himself as St Luke on his website, and was slated to evangelize on the rivers as part of the production in hopes of taking credit for changing our notorious, violent river culture (what with all the rapes and stuff) backing out of the project, and blaming the media for the move. Ill get to his email in a moment. Theres something I have to show you first in order for this all to make sense.

Heres how Holters participation was publicized in the productions press release: FLOAT follows Jones, Grammy Award Winner Pastor Billy Dorsey and Best Selling Author Dr. Luke Holter as they immerse themselves into the local river party culture. Together the team investigates how the river party phenomenon began, so that they may effectively infiltrate & influence it using their unique spiritual gifts.

Ooh. Infiltrate. Sounds dramatic. Going into dangerous territory. A job for the bold, one might say.

Anyway, now that you know Dr Holters originally intended role in the project, heres what I got from him last Friday:

______________________________Hey Mike-Could you remove my name from the

FLOAT movie article you wrote? I am in no way associated with the film and have dealt with this on a lot of levels to try to correct. Please advise when my name has been removed from the write up.

Kind Regards,Luke Holter______________________________

Continued on page 5.

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COUNTY BEATCOUNTY BEATWITH NICK ROGERSWITH NICK ROGERS

County Shigellosis Rate Outpacing 2014Seven cases of the relatively rare but highly contagious stomach illness were reported in Comal County in February.

The stomach ailments were the result of shigellosis, a bacterial illness that is caused by contact to feces from those infected by Shigella bacteria. While usually resistant to antibiotics, shigellosis usually runs its course in 5-7 days.

Where the cases originated from is unknown and a call to the Comal County Health Department was not returned by deadline. Reports of infectious diseases come to the county through physician offices, hospitals, medical laboratories and those who visit the Health Department.

Cases of Shigellosis in the United States usually come from schools or day care centers. While dysentery is the diseases worst form, it is almost unheard of in the United States.

Shigellosis is an uncommon bacterial illness. There were 15 cases of the disease in Comal County for all of last year, all of which came in the three months between October-December. There was only one reported case in 2013 and just three in 2012. Nationally, there are only 4.82 reported cases per 100,000 annually, about 500,000 people, according the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

Statewide, there are usually 2,000-3,000 reported cases annually, according to the Texas Department of State Health Services. Mostly resistant to antibiotics, the disease usually runs its course within a week.

In persons with healthy immune systems, symptoms usually last about 5 to 7 days, the CDC says. Persons with diarrhea usually recover completely, although it may be several months before their bowel habits are entirely normal. Once someone has had shigellosis, they are not likely to get infected with that specific type again for at least several years. However, they can still get infected with other types of Shigella.

The department advises Pepto-Bismol, fluids, bed rest and thorough cleaning. Anyone around the infected person should wash hands thoroughly and often.

Symptoms of shigellosis include: diarrhea (sometimes bloody), fever, abdominal pain and tenesmus, which is a painful sensation of needing to pass stools even when bowels are empty, according to the CDC.

The problem with shigellosis is that it can spread easily.

Shigella germs are present in the stools of infected persons while they have diarrhea and for up to a week or two after the diarrhea has gone away, the CDC says. Shigella is very contagious; exposure to even a tiny amount of contaminated fecal matter too small to see can cause infection. Transmission of Shigella occurs when people put something in their mouths or swallow something that has come into contact with stool of a person infected with Shigella.

Ways in the which the bacteria can be passed is through changing the diapers of infected children, eating infected food, produce that has come in contact with sewage (even flies can spread it to produce), swallowing lake or river water, and through sexual contact.

The best way to stop the spread of the bacteria is primarily through washing hands, according to the CDC, which you should do before eating and after changing a diaper.

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According to the Texas health department, if an adult or a child is suspected of having the illness, they should stay home from school or work until they are diarrhea free for 24 hours without the use of diarrhea suppressing medications and fever free for 24 hours without the use of fever suppressing medications.

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Continued from page 3. That struck me as weird. First of all, we

cant go back and remove his name from the 10,000 copies of the paper mentioning his connection to the project that were already printed. Thats impossible. A man would need supernatural powers to pull that off. I didnt bust his chops over that, as I wanted the conversation to continue.

He didnt say No longer associated with the film, he said In no way associated with the film. Was he ever a part of the production? Did Hix Jones use his name without permission? What the WHAT?

So I sent this in response. Had to clear up that ambiguity before moving forward:

______________________________Hi Luke,

Id be happy to publish an update in next

weeks issue. Why did you bow out of the project? It

seemed to have momentum o plenty.

Mike______________________________Thank you Mike. Im not really a

momentum guy :) Im an ex-drug addict & punk rocker who is just trying to enjoy his family and friends. Im built for different things is all.

Again thank you for removing my name from your site.

Kind Regards,Luke Holter______________________________Aha. Ok, so he didnt expect me to

change the print copies, he just wanted me go back and rewrite the digital versions of already published articles to remove any trace of his connection to the project.

I would have considered doing that (with a note stating that he had been wrongly announced by Hix Jones) if he were fraudulently included in the production companys statements to the press, so I had to know if he was ever legitimately tied to the project. Off this went:

______________________________Hi Luke,

To clarify, were not going to remove your

name from the previous pieces on txcitizen.com,

as you were attached to the project at the time the

stories were published, but I will print an update

citing your current status.

Again, why did you decide against

participating in the production?

Thanks,

Mike______________________________Thank you Mike I understand the

clarification. I told you why in the previous email. Thank you for your assistance with this.

Kind Regards,Luke Holter______________________________Ok, so I had the answer I was digging

for - verification that he had been involved in the project for realsies - but he was dodging the other one, the why behind his quitting. So I pressed:

______________________________Hi Luke,

You mentioned that you beat drug addiction

and (presumably) punk rock, but Im looking

for something more specific than Im built for

different things is all. Youre making an effort to

remove your name from past associations with the

project. Im under no obligation to print an update,

but will do so as a courtesy - if you tell me why

youre disassociating yourself from the production.

Thank you,

Mike______________________________Lol I didnt kick punk rock I kicked a drug

addiction I still love punk rock music. The reason I pulled out is because I had

a dream that told me I should pull out of the film. I pay attention to my dreams and I think the dream was just telling me that it would be more stress than Im willing to deal with in my personal life.

Kind Regards,Luke Holter ______________________________Ok, fair enough. But this was Good

Friday, and the idea of a minister bailing on a high profile evangelical endeavor due to stress struck me as ironic as heck, considering what happened to the Jesus, the guy he presumably works for, on the same day a few years back. Very stressful. (See Mark 15:21-41, Luke 23:26-43, Matthew 27:32-56, John 19:17-37 The Bible)

At this point I had the answers I was looking for, so it was time to throw down the snark and wrap up the conversation. The conversation always stops after the snark. Usually:

______________________________

Thank you.

The incredible irony of you stating that youre

not willing to deal with the stress of a ministry

project, and making that statement on Good Friday,

is not lost on me. Id say you nailed it.

Mike______________________________And then the whole truth came out:______________________________Its the stress of the media not the ministry

Im still doing ministry.______________________________JACKPOT. Luke got cold feet because,

for probably the first time ever, he came up against resistance from a media outlet. Holter isnt a shy man and it doesnt look like he passes up many chances to promote himself. Accountability was a knockin, and these guys dont work in anything other than figurative arenas of happy feelings and good press. Heres what we know for sure: It wasnt the Express News, the HZ or KGNB that chased him off.

Anyway, heres the real end of the conversation. Extra snarky:

______________________________Luke,

You market yourself as a prophet. Im shocked

you didnt see this coming. ______________________________Oh ok I see. Well thanks anyways mike.Kind Regards,Luke Holter______________________________

Say what you will about the man, despite his shortcomings in the Grammar and Punctuation Department, hes very polite. I am a wee bit creeped out by Oh ok I see. What exactly does he see? OH MY LORD WHAT IF HE CAN SEE ME RIGHT NOW?

\m/

Mike ReynoldsPublisher/Editor-in-Chief

Postscript: We did contact Jay Hicks Jones for his comment on Holters withdrawal from the project. As one might expect, we have not heard back.

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Worst Medical ClinicsDr. Eugene Strap: Urology Clinic and Coee HausCharles The Hammer Martels College of Medieval MedicineOne Limb for Another Bartering HospitalYou Dont Need Teeth Emergency DentistryDr. Ferris Condential Clinic (Motto: How did you even get that in there?)

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Worst Places of WorshipSt. Leos of Creepy PerversionsHate MosqueThe Church of Scientology

Worst Parks for the KiddiesMrs. Ladybugs Playground of Mud, Broken Glass and NailsAnt TownFort Fun (Formerly Fort Bryant Munitions Disposal Base)Deranged Hobo Choo Choo CampClimb Our Big Ol Mayor

Worst Places to Experience HistoryMostly Buried City CemeteryTyphoid VillageJohn Wesley Hardin Shoots YouToast MuseumOut-of-Date Middle School Textbook Library

Worst Places to Strap on the FeedbagEverything Has MayonnaiseHouse of Suspicious PiesLikely FoodEggs and HaggisFooters

Worst Locally Brewed Beer/AleLabor Day (made from old work boots)Old Yeller (processed cheese food)Ah Caramba! (tamales)Dr. Feelgood (expired medicines)Two for $1 (convenience store hotdogs)

Worst Places to Buy GroceriesO.C. McFaminesAlberts Other Son, the Psychotic OneBoogersIrregular MREsMystery Cans

Worst Places to Stay OvernightThe Screaming Headless MaidenFire Codes Are For SissiesBarricade Your DoorWolves and Raccoons

Worst River OutttersDrown TownTubes Are For SissiesWhatever FloatsYou Know How To Swim, Right?The Trunk of Marios Buick

Worst Places to Get an EducationMachiavelli High SchoolStalin Elementary SchoolLearnin Is For Sissies AcademyBully Junior High SchoolDefrocked Priest Private School

Worst Travel AgentsYes, to Yemen!Find Your Way Back and Your Trip is FreeMexico Border Town ToursAround the Horn Rafting AdventuresPutins Awaitin

Compiled By Tony BellW URST

See next week's issue for 2015's Best of the Wurst Results!


By Gustavo Arellano

Dear Mexican: Im a 23-year-old Latina attending a Texas university. Im taking a class that is centered around Latino culture and history. Im a first generation Tex-Mex kid, and lately all of the documentaries and other course work have been making me feel some type of way angry/sad/and overall confused, for lack of better phrasing.

I dont know how to handle these feelings, and it is making me be more introspective about the Latino/Mexican part of my identityas if I didnt already have enough issues there. I dont want to overthink it, and I dont want to always wonder how people perceive me because of my background. But I dont know how to feel about what I am learning and if its okay what I am feeling. Did you ever go through something like this identity crisis type thing? And any advice on how to feel/handle it?

Down in Denton

Dear Mujer: Was I ever confused about my ethnic identity? Absolutelytell your Chicano Studies professor to assign Orange County: A Personal History to ustedes, and youll get the carne asada of the matter. But your situation deserves a more insightful perspective than mine, so I turn the columna over to one of my bosses: Alexandro Jos Gradilla, chair of the Department of Chicana and Chicano Studies at Cal State Fullerton, where Im an adjunct-at-large.

Dear Iztacchuat, you are experiencing Chicano Studies Rage 101, Gradilla writes.

Here is a synopsis of why you are feeling the way you do. After over decade in a K-12 school system that never really broached or addressed issues of institutional racism, most students of color coming out of high school would probably answer no if asked Have you ever experienced racism? Here is the double problem. Most students have not learned anything about their group. More importantly, they have not been taught about institutional racism. So taking a college level history or sociology courseor, as you experiencedan ethnic studies class where

systemic or structural racism analyses is par for the course. Then you get what happened to you. A sudden flood of cold, hard facts connected with theories of racismthen BAM! You are forever aware of the nature of social inequality in the United States.

You see how unfair and obscene racism is. Racismand not individual prejudice or bigotry but an embedded system of exclusion and denigrationis a profoundly ridiculous and irrational system. Whether you are learning about the Mendez, et al. vs Westminster case or the Felix Longoria affair and all within the short confines of a quarter or semestereven the most complacent coconuts are overwhelmed and bothered! The rage is famously captured by the quintessential Chicano movement poem I am/Yo soy Joaquin written by Rodolfo Corky Gonzales.

So my little brown Aztec volcano: your pending explosion within the classroom is nothing new. Just remember: use your new knowledge to heal, not to hate

Awesome job, profe jefe! Just one more thing Ill add: while its okay to feel angry, never let the other side get the better of your anger, as Ill show with the next question

Dear Mexican: Does your cesspool homeland of Mexico allow illegals to break the law and sneak in??? Hell nobut I guess its okay for the USA to allow it for you and your deadbeat wetback cousins. Go #### yourself, and I am sure that this is not the first time youve heard that from a fed-up USA taxpayer who is sick of you parasite moochers from down South. Clean up your land if you want a good life. Dont ride our coattails, you damn losers.

Klein in Van Nuys

Dear Gabacho: Parasitic moochers riding coattails? Olla: meet hervidor. Or, in English: cant wait for your beautiful brown grandchildren to take Chicano Studies 101!

Ask the Mexican at [email protected],

be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano or follow him

on Instagram @gustavo_arellano!

ASK A MEXICAN!

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MOST WANTED

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COMAL COUNTY S

MEDELLIN, JESSE RODRIGUEZMale 507 200 lbsDOB: 01/01/1976CHARGE: Possession of a controlled substance pg 1 under 1 gram and theft of property under $1500 with 2 or more previous convictions

HELSTROM,SOREN MCKEEMale 601 208 lbsDOB: 05/14/1984CHARGE:

Possession of controlled substance

LOPEZ, ERICMale 509 180 lbsDOB: 11/30/1994CHARGE: Intoxicated assault w/vehicle and aggravated assault w/deadly weapon

MECKEL,LINDA GAYEFemale 505 160 lbsDOB: 11/27/1963CHARGE: Motion to revoke probation for possession of controlled substance

DAVIS,MICHELE COXFemale 507 150 lbsDOB: 07/05/1951CHARGE: Ttheft of property over $1500 under $20k

MEDINA,YOLANDA

Female 505 150 lbsDOB: 06/15/1963

CHARGE: Motion to proceed with

adjudication for theft of service over

$1500 under $20k

MELENDEZ,VANESSA

Female 504 130 lbsDOB: 06/04/1981

CHARGE: Motion to revoke probation for manufacture/ deliver controlled substance

VOILS, DEBORAH LEANN

Female 507 140 lbsDOB: 05/21/1987

CHARGE: Motion to proceed with adjudica-

tion for fraud deliver controlled substance/

prescription

ZAPATA,BEATRICE

Female 505 250 lbsDOB: 07/29/1981CHARGE: Three

counts interfere with child custody

PITTMAN,ALFRED

Male 510 182 lbsDOB: 08/18/1984CHARGE: Assault

family member

The names listed have been released in accordance with the Texas Public Information Act. This is a true and accurate account as of Monday, April 6, 2015 at 3:41 p.m. and may not be current by the time it is read. Do not try to apprehend anyone. These are listings of criminal warrants with the Comal County Sheriff s Office and are not indicative of guilt or innocence. Officers are to verify the status of each warrant prior to making an arrest. Any person is innocent of wrongdoing unless proven guilty in a court of law.

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On Rand PaulRand Paul has officially announced for the Republican primary for President of the United States. I couldnt be happier, but Im not offering my support for him just yet. I do think he will be an excellent opportunity for people to see how libertarian ideas might be combined with a serious candidate, though. Part of my personal concern over Paul is the likelihood that he will not follow the libertarian line as closely as I would, but thats the very thing that will make him a viable candidate. Republicans, Democrats, and [L]ibertarians should probably keep their eyes on his candidacy.

For Republicans, Rand Paul has moderated some of the most troubling (to Republicans anyway) of libertarian ideas. The most obvious area where this has happened is foreign policy. Paul has actively moved away from isolationist stances in an effort to court Republicans. Paul is hardly a warmonger, but he does appear to be accepting a more active role for America in world affairs than the typical libertarian, and he seems to be open to the typically Republican idea of a strong military.

Paul has also spent his time in the Senate building alliances with traditional, even establishment, Republicans. This is a reverse of Ted Cruz, who seems to have been trying to create conflict. Again Pauls stance is less than the libertarian norm. Libertarians are often tied so much to principle and ideology that they seem incapable of working with others. Politics, though, is about compromise, and it looks like Paul has been trying to show that he can work and play with others. This can be a balancing act. Paul has Tea Party roots and many in the Tea Party feel that they have been betrayed by deal makers repeatedly, but if he can show that he is capable of bringing together disparate factions to get things done, he will have proven the value of a little flexibility.

Perhaps more important than even winning the Republican nomination would be Paul showing Republicans a way to reach out to constituencies that they have had very little success with in the past. Paul has already shown

that he has appeal to a younger voter, and he may also be a candidate that is more palatable to minorities. Republicans need to broaden their appeal if they want to continue to be viable with a changing American demographic. Pauls ideas may be good ones to co-opt moving into the future for Republican candidates.

Rand Pauls candidacy might be even more important for Democrats than Republicans. Hard line and hard left Democrats will have nothing in common with Paul (they are typically hostile to any support of economic liberty), but people who lean Democrat may see in Paul something that is sorely missing in their own party. Pauls stances on Ferguson and on the surveillance state have angered some of his traditional allies, but they are really just part of a larger civil libertarian streak.

On Ferguson, Paul may not accept the entire narrative, but he seems very supportive of the overall notion of a too-heavy-handed police force, particularly in minority communities. Both sides of the aisle might try to misconstrue this, but if Paul is careful in his explanations, he might win over large groups of voters and make his detractors seem unreasonable.

Theres no question that poor, minority communities feel as though they are under siege. Certainly there is a crime problem in inner-city neighborhoods, but often, the police make matters worse by making day-to-day life unlivable for people within the community. Treating everyone as a criminal creates a level of ill will that can stand for years. Changes in policing policy that move away from minor issues and revenue generation in favor of protecting people from violent crime more vigorously might change the dynamic.

The surveillance state is an area where Democrats might find themselves more in line with Pauls thinking than with their own candidates. After eight years of the Obama administration, it seems that Democrats are no more trustworthy on civil liberties than Republicans are. A good number of Democrats have ignored this for partisan reasons, but many have not. Of all the candidates we see in the 2016 Presidential race, Paul may be the only one who takes this issue seriously.

Paul may have Democrats asking themselves how different their party has been from Republicans on major issues. Economics arent everything, and Paul may appear more liberal than Hillary Clinton in a good number of areas.

I really hope that Libertarians (and libertarians) keep an eye on Rand Paul. It will be easy for them to dismiss Paul as just another traitor to the cause, but this attitude reflects a traditional problem with the Libertarian Party.

Like most people with libertarian proclivities, I find that Libertarian Party candidates almost always represent my beliefs better than Republicans or Democrats. Of course, that doesnt make much difference if I am going to be stuck with the Republican or Democrat candidate anyway, and I most certainly will when the Libertarian candidate loses. Its enough to make a libertarian bitter, and it frequently does.

The Tea Party Movement saw a change in this. Libertarians, many already voting outside of the party, decided that it might be better to try to move winning candidates into more libertarian positions than to try to elect Libertarians. To do this, requires that these libertarians accept half a loaf and deal with political realities. (This is the flip-side of what I discussed regarding Republicans.) Its a hard lesson, but some of us are learning it. Rand Paul is at the forefront of those who seem to understand how this will have to work. He will not be able to have a perfectly libertarian perspective on every issue, but he may be able to move the Republican Party in a direction that makes libertarians more happy to be there.

Its too early to know if Rand Paul will have any serious chance in this Republican primary. Its even too early for me to say I will support him, though I suspect I will. It isnt too early to give him a look, though. If nothing else, Pauls campaign will be different from the traditional Republican field. I hope he doesnt disappoint.

Last WordWith Kelly Colby

You can read more from Kelly Colby at yourfirstshrug.blogspot.com.

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NOTICE TO CREDITORS. Notice is hereby given that original Letters Testamentary for the Estate of Vernon Thomas Harris, Sr., Deceased, were issued on April 2, 2015, in Cause No. 2011PC0075, pending in the County Court at Law of Comal County, Texas, to: Dorothy Jean Harris. All persons having claims against this Estate which is currently being administered are required to present them to the undersigned within the time and in the manner prescribed by law. DATED the 2nd day of April, 2015.

Frank B. Suhr, Attorney at Law,473 S. Seguin Ave, Ste 100, New Braunfels, TX 78130

State Bar No.: 19466300, Tel: (830) 625-4345, Fax: (830) 606-4511,

Attorney for Dorothy Jean Harris

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Documents

TX Citizen 4.9.15