TX Citizen 9.3.15

VOLUME FOURI S S U E 3 609 .03 .15

VOLUME FOURI S S U E 3 609 .03 .15

G ü t e n Ta g F i a s c o | F r e e m a n o n S p o r t s | A s k a M e x i c a n

P LUS : 7 DAY NEW BRAUNFELS L IVE MUS IC GU IDEP LUS : 7 DAY NEW BRAUNFELS L IVE MUS IC GU IDE

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Leave the Corporate Stuff for the Kids

Gourmage Has the Ice Cream You Crave

Ice Cream Decadence, Page 7

Leave the Corporate Stuff for the Kids

Gourmage Has the Ice Cream You Crave

Ice Cream Decadence, Page 7

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table of contents

11

8CitizenSoundcheckThe ONLY guide of i ts kindfor the NB/SM Metroplex!

12

31st WordYou're not going to believe what's been passing for taxpayer-funded marketing of New Braunfels.

7Cover Story

Forget about Brenham.The world's best ice cream

is made right here in ourfair city.

Ask a MexicanGustavo of fends intwo languages.

15Last WordOn weather.

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Freemanon Sports

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Güten tag, y’all.Today we’re going to talk about something you’ve probably never heard of: The daily video series put out by the Chamber of Commerce/Convention and Visitors Bureau called “Güten Tag”. It’s hosted by Nathan Manlove over at The AMMO Group, which is a local advertising agency the Chamber and Wurstfest use for all manner of stuff. You might remember AMMO’s work from a few years back - they’re the folks that gave a us the taxpayer-funded (through the Chamber/CVB) “Water the Rules” campaign, as well as this billboard referring web surfers to something called “wurtsfest.com”:

Anyway, this video series is clear evidence that broadcast work is an art, and shouldn’t be left in the hands of dilettantes. Not to mention that the Chamber is willing to blow tax dollars on something that:

A) Bites the Blue Whale, and B) Nobody consumes.Right now, Manlove and some members

of Chamber staff are having an apoplectic fit. “What do you mean nobody consumes them? The ones we put out on Fridays get hundreds of views!” Well, hmm, kinda. We’ll get to that in a bit. The total daily view count from the Chamber site in July was 217, spread out over 23 episodes, for an average view count per episode of 9.43. Or as we like to say, “less than ten”. And that counts all the views that have come in

on the July videos through August 29. So yeah. “Less than ten” is being downright charitable, especially when you factor in all the hits we gave them

while researching this column.Wait. AMMO or Chamber

staff must click on them each at least one time to make sure they’re

properly loaded onto the site, so we’re going to remove 23 clicks from their total. Let’s see, the new math works out to 194 possibly organic clicks, (which includes the ones we gave them), through August 29, on their July videos. That’s 8.43 views per. We’ll just call it “less than nine”. For consistency and all.

The UpshotFewer than nine people per day view these videos at the Chamber/CVB website. That’s probably for the best, because New Braunfels doesn’t come out looking real good in them. In fact, the word “lame” might be the most generous descriptor our fair city earns from the series. You can see for yourself right now on our Facebook page at facebook.com/txcitizen and have a look at one we posted from last Thursday. If its been pulled by Facebook by the time you get there, you can always see the latest one on the Chamber of Commerce/CVB website at innewbraunfels.com, or you can go directly to the YouTube channel that they originate from at youtube.com/user/nbjumpin/videos. That’s assuming the whole ball of wax doesn’t get sent to the dustbin after this column hits your eyeballs.

Continued on page 4.

WORD1STMIKE

REYNOLDSWITH

Working people everywhere, rejoice! Labor Day w�kend is upon us. We get an extra day away from the daily grind, and what a much deserved reward it is. But what does a Monday o� rea�y mean? It means we can spend more time drinking wine over the w�kend, and we get

a day built in for recovery. I'm going to do everyone a favor and plan your w�kend for you:

The party starts Friday night with live music and bo�omle� sangrias. Hit the river Saturday morning to deal with the last of this brutal heat. Swing by Longshot Saturday aftern�n for a refreshing gla� of our cactus white and a gourmet ch�se tray. Stay into the evening to work your way through our list of delicious vintage wines. Come back after breakfast on Sunday morning for bo�omle� mimosas. Do absolutely nothing on Monday. Whatever you do, enjoy the day o�. You've earned it. - Josh McFarling

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Continued from page 3. Seriously, go enjoy it right now. The link

is pinned to the top of our Facebook page and will look something like image below. Prepare to cringe.

See, Güten Tag is a daily webcast that focuses on what’s happening in New Braunfels on the day that it’s released. It’s perishable. It expires late on the day it goes up on the Chamber site, and is completely irrelevant immediately thereafter. Nobody watches a prior day’s Güten Tag for the same reason nobody DVRs today’s newscast for tomorrow’s enjoyment. Or drinks last month’s milk.

Nuts. We just realized that we’re driving their views up. Well, what’s done is done. You already know they averaged less than nine hits per video before we gave them sweet TXC exposure. In fact, in the first six hours after we posted their August 27 video on our page, they went from six views to 161. As of this writing it’s at 541. That’s more than 532 over the average. You’re welcome, Chamber/CVB/AMMO!

Fridays Get Freaky

Every Friday, Manlove produces a weekend edition, where he tells you about stuff to do over the, you know, weekend. For instance, the August 28 edition mentioned two Friday night events, two Saturday events, and a single Sunday event. There is no question that information on this video became out-of-date on Sunday evening.

What makes the Friday videos special, is that they’re uploaded to another YouTube

account, one managed by Chamber Production-Creative Team employee Donna Meurin, (with its whopping 17 subscribers), where they sit for a few days, all but dormant, and then start generating hits days after they’ve expired.

On Friday at 5:29pm, the weekend video was at two hits on the Meurin page. At 10:44am Monday, the Meurin account clocked in at 14 hits. At 3:50pm Tuesday, the Meurin version was at 213. If this particular Friday video is anything like every last one of the others, hundreds of views will come in on it in the days and weeks to come, after the content is completely irrelevant. Here are the numbers from previous weeks, as of press time:

August 21 – 596 Views

August 14 – 805 Views

August 10 (Monday. They skipped Friday, 8/7.) – 679 Views

July 31 – 848 Views

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We have no idea who is watching these expired videos. They don’t show up on the Chamber’s Facebook page, which should be Destination #1. They don’t get sent out in Chamber emails (according to Chamber members we asked). They do get hundreds of clicks after their freshness date. We find it difficult to believe that anyone who has seen one would ever become a loyal, repeat clicker. Yet those anywhere-from-500-to-800 past-due clicks are consistently coming from somewhere, and being used to justify the program to Chamber management/membership. Hmm. Hmmmmm.

Let’s ReviewWhen a video is current, it’s posted to the Chamber/CVB website at innewbraunfels.com from a YouTube account called NBjumpin, and that’s where you can track the hits that the Chamber/CVB site generates.

According to NBjumpin’s counter, as of press time, the August 28 edition of Güten Tag has generated 28 total views from the NBjumpin account (We’ll take the blame for at least half of those, as the 8/28 video auto-launches after the 8/27 video we linked to on Facebook is viewed). However, at the Meurin account, it took on another 109 by on Monday, and another 90 on top of that as of Tuesday at 3:56pm. Which leaves us with these questions:

1) Why does a fresh, spankin’ new Güten Tag get less than nine views, while an out-of-date version, like the one from July 31, gets close to 900?

2) Why are they still generating hundreds of clicks WEEKS after they’re clearly out-of-date? Why? WHY?

Here’s why. Less than nine people watch each new one, but somebody, either a Chamber employee or volunteer or Google Plus robot or paid contractor in the Philippines sits at their desk and clicks on the old, expired ones over and over and over and over. Click click click click click. Drives up those views. Then reports back to Chamber management that Güten Tag is in high demand.

Yes, the gamesmanship bothers us, but what really sticks in our collective craw is that fact that it’s being done without the slightest bit of sophistication. It’s nice to have a window into Chamber operations, though.

I’m certain it’s nothing to worry about.

\m/

Mike ReynoldsPublisher/Editor-in-Chief

Postscript for Chamber Staff Edification The following critiques were left by TX Citizen readers, on Facebook, in response to the August 27 video:

“Awful. Waste of money. No other words for it”

“What an absolute awful representation of, not only where I work, but the other establishments and this awesome town as well. Why would anyone want to make plans to spend their time/money here after viewing that? Horrible waste of money.”

“Wait, wha.....”“Was he trying to help the live music

venues, or embarrass them? I’m kind of embarrassed myself.”

“Who the #### is that tool?”“Some of the other Guten Tag videos

have zero views. What sense is this? It’s a waste of money and YouTube bandwidth.”

“Pretty much the only thing our benevolent masters in this town know how to do is waste ‘tax payer dollars’. Guten tag!”

“Complete waste, all harm and no good. At all!”


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TXCITIZEN.COM 7

What follows is an article about exceptional ice cream. However, in the true spirit of full disclosure, I have to come clean: I like ice cream. You could say that I have a bias toward ice cream. While I know this bias breaks the rules of journalistic ethics, I can’t help the way I feel.

Like other ice cream lovers, my affliction began when I was a child and has stayed with me, and I have no intention of stopping now.

The blistering and seemingly-endless Texas heat means that ice cream can be consumed pretty much year around. We have all experienced those Thanksgivings where the thermometers were pushing the 90s. To combat those conditions we simply put some ice cream on our pumpkin or pecan pies to not only cool us off, but to combat the dark funk that comes with an autumn holiday that is too hot to play football.

Recently, though, I had the best ice cream I have thus far tasted in New Braunfels at Gourmage. The stuff was so good that I wanted to run outside onto San Antonio Street to scream and weep. But I was told not to do such things anymore because there are always cops and questions.

Owner Stephanie Richardson and Chef Linsey Murker have taken the frozen dairy treat to new heights, not just with their unique combinations but also with the traditional vanilla and chocolate.

I’m not a foodie – I’m not urbane enough and I don’t look good in a turtleneck. But you don’t have to be a foodie to enjoy good food, anymore than you have to be a musician to recognize that Mozart was brilliant. Their ice cream tastes great and that’s all anyone needs to know.

Richardson said the idea to make ice cream came three years ago when they had leftover ingredients from their hot chocolate.

“Like every good idea, it started by accident,” she said. “We make hot chocolate in the winter. We had this really good chocolate left over and Linsey decided to make some chocolate ice cream bars. We started with that, and Lindsey said that she had a little ice cream maker at home, so she brought it in. We made a few batches and then, through divine intervention, a customer knew someone who was selling a commercial ice cream maker. Linsey’s been the ice-cream-making genius ever since.”

Stephanie added that the demand

for their ice cream became so strong that

it seemed the two spent most of their time

scooping ice cream.

There is no secret to the fact that great

ingredients help make great food. Their vanilla

bean ice cream is testament to that because

the flavor is fresh and the consistency is rich.

“It’s made from Madagascar vanilla

beans, real vanilla extract, heavy cream, whole milk and real cane sugar,” Linsey said.

“With the Madagascar vanilla bean, there’s

a heavier flavor.”

The vanilla bean is, naturally, a base for other ice creams, such as adding a caramel swirl. The beauty to this was the vanilla flavor was the first thing I tasted before the caramel seeped in, but never overpowering.

“We make the caramel sauce and it has really good Mediterranean sea salt in it,” Linsey said. “And we use a little vanilla salt, which we make here.”

One flavor I particularly enjoyed was the toasted marshmallow, which had the subtle undertone of burnt marshmallow, the best

part of a toasted marshmallow of course. The tastes of the toasted marshmallow and the vanilla held together perfectly and I could easily imagine eating a quart of the stuff.

My favorite, though, was the triple chocolate.

I have to shoot straight here: European chocolate is superior to American chocolate. I’m sorry, but it’s true. Gourmage uses three European chocolates for its triple chocolate and the flavor is full, rich and dark, but not even slightly bitter.

“The triple chocolate was the first ice cream we made,” Linsey said. “The chocolate is a Belgian chocolate. We use a combination

of different chocolates, a dark chocolate, a milk chocolate and Dutch processed coco powder.”

“Probably not so surprising, but no matter how many other flavors we make, vanilla and chocolate are still the biggest sellers,” Stephanie said.

You can also get the triple chocolate with a peanut butter sauce that is Linsey’s own, secret creation. The combination was just right and neither of the flavors overpowered the other.

The crew also has a particularly good hazelnut, which uses a little cacao so it has a

taste similar to Nutella, but with a taste that is more nutty and less chocolaty.

If you’re more adventurous, then you can try the Chevre, which is made from goat cheese. The taste is like a phenomenal cheesecake. I’m serious.

“People are very surprised when they taste it,” Stephanie said. “They don’t know what to expect when you tell them it’s goat cheese but when they taste it, their eyes get very wide with surprise. It’s fun to watch.”

This, however, is only a small listing of the flavors Gourmage makes and they are always creating new combinations.

“We joke that we’ll make ice cream out of anything that’s not nailed down,” Stephanie said. “We’ve even made avocado ice cream with candied jalapenos, which is probably the most unusual flavor we’ve done.”

Linsey disagreed.“The most unusual was the tobacco-

infused ice cream with the bourbon caramel sauce,” she said. “It was really good, but it was polarizing – either people really loved it or they really hated it.”

One of their most popular sellers is their ice cream sandwich, made with vanilla bean ice cream in the middle of two salted caramel chocolate chip cookies. They add a sprinkle of vanilla sea salt around the edges so you get that perfect mixture of sweet and salty. The cookies blend right into the ice cream, becoming one flavor.

The ice cream sells for $3 a cup or $9 for a quart. The ice cream sandwiches are $3.

Gourmage is located at 270 W. San Antonio St., between Henne Hardware and the Brauntex Theater. They are open from 10 a.m.-6 p.m. Monday-Thursday and on Saturday. On Friday, they are open from 10-7. Gourmage serves lunch from 11 a.m.-2 p.m., but offers cheese plates and wine – and ice cream – all day.

You can call Gourmage at 830.214.6471, go online to gourmage.com or email them at [email protected].

“If you ever want food decadence, just come on over,” Linsey said.

Ice Cream DecadenceBy Nick Rogers

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Freemanon SportsFreemanon Sports WITH BRANT FREEMANWITH BRANT FREEMAN

Another week in the books so another week to review! I’ve finally got some meaningful football to discuss as well, so that means I get paid double. Let’s get to it.

Week in Review: High School Football Tough opening nights for both New Braunfels and Canyon, who each lost at home last Friday. The Unicorns looked good coming out of the gate against Alamo Heights, with a 14-6 lead with under five minutes to go in the first half, but a pair of late touchdowns by the Mules before half-time gave Heights the lead and momentum which seemed to trickle into the second half. A pair of pick-sixes didn’t help matters in the Unicorns’ 55-14 loss. New Braunfels has a great chance to bounce back this week though, in the annual Guadalupe River Bowl against Seguin. The Matadors lost their opener last week 49-8 to Cedar Park Vista Ridge. After Friday’s game against Seguin, New Braunfels’ schedule gets increasingly difficult so I expect the Unicorns to take care of business.

Canyon lost its opener to Round Rock Cedar Ridge 29-13 last Friday but there was plenty to be encouraged about. The Cougars may have some playmakers on their hands, after seeing Jonathan Rush go for 76 yards rushing on just eight carries, and receiver Kristian Drake catching four passes for 62 yards. Canyon’s non-district schedule isn’t quite as tough as New Braunfels’, so the Cougars may be able to get something going before the start of 25-6A play. Speaking of which, Smithson Valley, Judson, Steele and Clemens all won their openers last week. The Rangers beat Midland Lee 21-14 and host one of San Antonio’s top programs, Brennan, this Friday. If you’re going to go to a game this week, go to that one.

Week in Review: Major League BaseballHuzzah! The Astros got through last week’s road trip without face planting themselves in the batters box. A 3-3 record in the six games, (2-1 vs the Yankees, 1-2 vs the Twins), and now the Astros are home this week before embarking on another ten game road trip.

Meanwhile, starting pitcher Dallas Keuchel continues making his case for AL Cy Young. His strikeout-to-walk ratio since the end of June is 71 to 11. His ERA in the month of August was 1.94. If he faced the Dodgers (who were no hit AGAIN on Sunday) in every start he would go 33-1. Seriously, the Dodgers would be better off swinging a paper towel roll than a bat right now.

The Rangers, man… they were as relevant in the baseball standings six weeks ago as the Jacksonville Jaguars are to every NFL season (read: NOT VERY). After a 4-2 week, including a sweep of the Orioles, Texas is still within striking distance of Houston, and if that doesn’t work out, the Rangers are very much in position for one of the two AL Wild Card spots. And how about the week for Delino Deshields and Adrian Beltre? 19 combined hits, three triples, two homers and just three strikeouts. This team is no longer the Jaguars of MLB (but maybe just as good at football as the Jags).

Week in Review: NFLJust as I was typing this, I got an ESPN alert telling me that a panel of their 70+ experts ranked J.J. Watt as the best player in the NFL. I didn’t need ESPN to tell me this, the dude faces my team twice a year, mocking its quarterbacks - I’M AWARE. The rankings were part of ESPN’s yearly analysis of the league’s Top 100 players. Seattle had the most, with nine, and Dallas tied Green Bay for second most, with six. The Cowboys’ highest ranked player was Dez Bryant (tied for sixth overall with Calvin Johnson). Of the 32 teams, only one failed to have a player make that list. Freaking Tennessee. Dammit. The living dumpster fire of Washington had three players. 2-14 Tampa Bay had two players. Even the @#&ing Jaguars had one. I hate this week.

Brant Freeman is a seasoned local sportscaster, serving as the radio voice of Texas State University, hosting television coverage of Texas State Athletics and delivering the goods as a reporter for major pro and collegiate sporting events in the greater San Antonio area for over a decade.

MOST WANTED

$300REWARD

COMAL COUNTY ’S

MEDELLIN, JESSE RODRIGUEZMale • 5’07” • 200 lbsDOB: 01/01/1976CHARGE: Possession of a controlled substance pg 1 under 1 gram and theft of property under $1500 with 2 or more previous convictions

ESTRADA,PAUL ROBERTMale • 5’10” • 230 lbsDOB: 03/24/1978CHARGE: Theft property over $1500 2/more previous convictions

GRUNDMAN,JOSHUA EDWARDMale • 5’09” • 160 lbsDOB: 03/07/1995CHARGE: Accident involving injury- Fail to render aid

HERRERA,OMEROMale • 6’01” • 295 lbsDOB: 04/08/1979CHARGE: Assault faimly/ household member impede breath/ circulation

ALLISON,MELISSA JEANFemale • 5’04” • 170 lbsDOB: 10/21/1967CHARGE: Aggravated assault w/deadly weapon CT I

JENKINS, KIMBERLY

CAROLEFemale • 5’03” • 150 lbs

DOB: 04/12/1968CHARGE: Failure to appear for possession

of controlled substance pg1 under

1 gram

LOPEZ, JOSE GERARDOMale • 5’06” • 140 lbs

DOB: 08/28/1984CHARGE: Motion to revoke probation for

driving while intoxicated 3rd or more

ROE, ANDREW DURAN

Male • 6’02” • 190 lbsDOB: 02/22/1987

CHARGE: Assault family/ household

member w/previous conviction CT II

ZAMORA,JESSE ANTHONY

Male • 5’09” • 185 lbsDOB: 01/03/1971

CHARGE: 2 counts bail jumping and failure

to appear

REED, CLIFTON FRAZIER

Male • 5’09” • 145 lbsDOB: 02/04/1961

CHARGE: Possession of a controlled substance pg1 under 1 grtam

The names listed have been released in accordance with the Texas Public Information Act. This is a true and accurate account as of Monday, August 31, 2015 at 8:57 a.m. and may not be current by the time it is read. Do not try to apprehend anyone. These are listings of criminal warrants with the Comal County Sheriff ’s Office and are not indicative of guilt or innocence. Officers are to verify the status of each warrant prior to making an arrest. Any person is innocent of wrongdoing unless proven guilty in a court of law.

FOR INFORMATION LEADING TO THE ARREST OF COMAL COUNTY’S MOST WANTED. Callers will remain anonymous. 830.620.3400 - 24-Hour830.620.3411 - Mon-Fri 8am to 5pm

ANTONINO, FRANK JOSEPH JRMale • 6’01” • 185 lbsDOB: 01/01/1957CHARGE: Driving while intoxicated 3rd or more

ARRESTED


By Gustavo Arellano

Dear Readers: The Mexican is currently in the rancho, scheming about how to get close enough to Donald Trump so I can smear a bean burrito in his face…HA! But I did want to share two cosas. A couple of weeks back, I published a letter by one Dickhead in Denver, who asked eight pendejo questions, everything from why Mexicans are so fat to why Mexicans aren’t good in math. Your humble paisa easily knocked him down, but so did many of ustedes in letters sent to me—chingao!

One I wish I could quote directly, but let’s just say an executive from a major American company told me they hire more engineers from Mexico than the United States, and showed me the numbers to prove it—chingao! The following letter is one I’m allowed to share in its entirety:

I can’t address some of the B.S. addressed by this individual so aptly named, but here’s something: I taught as an intern and then as a substitute teacher in Albuquerque, almost exclusively at Dolores Gonzalez Elementary by the BioPark for two years. The kids from Mexico were better in Math, Science, and Language skills (Spanish, of course) than local kids, and in one of the classes where I acted as a teaching assistant while an unpaid intern, there were five of them that were placed in advanced classes the following year. Where the kids got screwed up was a three-fold thing: 1) Dealing with “cooperative learning” crap. They were used to traditional, old-school methods with the teacher in front of the class and the kids listening, taking notes, etc. When you broke them up into groups, that’s when problems began. 2) Learning a new language. 3) Pressures from IDIOT local Hispanic/Latino kids that

ridiculed them and sometimes beat them up because they were diligently trying to learn, and pressures at home from parents that were also dealing with a number of issues. Le tengo odio a mitoteros/mentirosos como Dickhead—“todo el dia, tuercen mis palabras…” Salmos 56.5

‘Burque Babe

For those who don’t habla: the maestra said at the end, “I hate nosy idiots/liars like Dickhead”—“’All day long, they twist my words…” Psalms 56:5.’” Biblical retribution? Chingao! See, America? Mexicans come to this country all perfect and precious—and it’s this country that destroys them by making them become Americans.

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HELP WANTED

Apply in person at:523 FM 306

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NOTICE TO CREDITORS. Notice is hereby given that original Letters Testamentary for the Estate of Consuelo C. Cantu, Deceased, were issued on July 25,2015, in Cause No. 2015PCB0222, pending in the County Court of Comal County, Texas, to: Dollie Lagunas. All persons having claims against this Estate which is currently being administered are required to present them to the undersigned within the time and in the manner prescribed by law. DATED the 27th day of August, 2015.

Frank B. Suhr, Attorney at Law473 S. Seguin Ave, Ste. 100, New Braunfels, Texas 78130

State Bar No.: 19466300Tel: (830) 625-4345 I Fax: (830) 606-4511

Attorney for Martha Gunckel

LEG A L NOTICES

LEGAL NOTICEApplication has been made with

the Texas Alcohol Beverage Commission for a Beer Retail

Dealer’s On-Premise License by Rumaldo L. Aguirre

dba Kings & Queens Ballroom,To be located at 442 Stolte Rd.

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On WeatherSouth Dakota was the end of our family road trip, so stories of my summer vacation are rapidly coming to an end, but I’ve been reminded, “You can’t start telling about coming home. You’ve forgotten some of the best parts! What about the tornado? What about the hailstorm?”

“Oh, I did that last week.” I said. “Mike just hasn’t published it yet. You’ll see. It’ll be great.”

So, where was I? Oh yes, the tornado.On our first night in Adrian, MN. We

were all very tired from the road and setting up. Having Wifi was a pleasant change of pace and after we all cleaned up and got into our jammies, I decided to get online. It had been a while, but when I looked at the notifications on my Facebook page, I was flabbergasted.

“Wow, 80 notifications. Apparently I need to get a life.” I said.

“Oh we have Wifi? I hadn’t even considered it.” My mother said.

Steve was the only holdout at this point. Steve’s a neo-Luddite, at least where the internet is concerned. My mother and I are true addicts, and both of us can spend hours online doing little or nothing.

As I waded through the pent up cat videos, Steve began to feel left out. He got out his phone and opened his weather application. It was still set for New England, but he decided to reset it for Adrian since we were going to be there for nearly a month.

Almost immediately Steve said, “Look at this! We have a storm coming this way.”

He held out his phone, and the multicolored blob on the middle of the screen meant little to me. It wasn’t moving, but as I squinted, I could see that Adrian was a small dot directly above the festive looking storm. I had just enough time to ask when it was scheduled to hit us before the wind came up.

Now, I have lived in the rolling hills of Vermont for 10 years now, and my mother and Steve for even longer. Perhaps we can

be forgiven for forgetting our flatlander roots, but each of us gasped when the wind hit the trailer and rocked it more than any of us felt comfortable with.

The rain was next. It came down in a deluge. The machine gun staccato of individual rain drops on the aluminum siding lasted only a second or two before it sounded more like we were traveling through a car wash than anything else. One last weather alert came over Steve’s phone before all our connections were lost.

Bleep!Steve checked his phone. “Uh oh. We

have a tornado alert.”My mother asked, “What should we do?”None of us were panicking yet, but it was

looking like it might be time to start pretty soon.Steve said, “I’m not really sure there’s

much we can do.” He looked deep in thought and he added, “If a tornado is sighted or forecast to hit the area, we should hear a siren, I think. Usually you go to a shelter. I think the bathroom would be the best place here.”

There was a knock on the door, and I got up to answer, more than a little surprised.

When I opened the door, I saw a very wet, heavy-set woman. I opened the screen, but she didn’t make any move to come in.

She said, “Hi. I’m your neighbor next door, but I’m also a meteorologist. This is just the type of storm that might lead to a tornado. I wanted to make sure you knew that if you heard a siren, you should head for the bathrooms.”

I asked her if we should head out there now, feeling more than a little bad that I was asking her questions while she stood outside in the wrath of God. She didn’t seem to mind, though.

“I doubt everyone would fit comfortably in there, and it would probably be unnecessary unless there is a tornado.” She said. “On the other hand, you might want to keep an eye on my camper. If you see me headed for the bathroom in a hurry, you might want to try to keep up.”

I assured her I would, and she ran off into the wind and rain. Apparently weather people swear some sort of oath like doctors do because you can be sure I wouldn’t have been running around outside.

The storm went on this way for about a half hour before the wind picked up some more. Things had been dicey before, but now the trailer was being hit by the wind regularly. It would tip up on two wheels and drop back down over and over again. During this the awning whipped as the wind passed over it. When the material tightened up, it snapped like a bullwhip, and more than once we expected it to come off completely.

I looked over to our neighbors periodically, but I never saw Weather Woman make a mad dash. Within another hour it was all over. Things had slowly tapered off until it was almost like nothing had happed.

Steve and I waited until the next day to check damage. It was dark and still pretty wet outside. We did find that the awning was done for. The wind had rattled it so badly that the arms used to extend it had bent and a piece of pot metal used to hold one of the arms to the body of the trailer had broken in two. Leaves and branches were everywhere, and the campground had lost several trees that I wouldn’t have expected to snap short of a nuclear blast.

There was little doubt that we should have taken the awning down, but Steve and I consoled ourselves that by the time we aware of a need, things were really too bad to be outside grabbing at what is essentially a kite.

As terrifying as this was to someone not familiar to weather in the plains, there was no tornado. We did read later that one had touched down some 20 miles down the road, but all we had gotten was a little summer thunderstorm. And of course, that was not the worst of it. There was more to come.

Last WordWith Kelly Colby

You can read more from Kelly Colby at yourfirstshrug.blogspot.com.

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