Two cultures- One relationshipTwo cultures- One relationship(How does your culture impact (How does your culture impact

your relationship)your relationship)2015 FRSA Conference

Presenters:Kia Antoniadis (Australian Greek Welfare Society)

Angela Damianopoulos (Family Relationships Institute Inc.)

How the idea came aboutHow the idea came about

Family Relationships Institute (Relatewell)- Delivering marriage and relationship support to couples including pre- marital courses and counselling since 1978

Australian Greek Welfare Society (AGWS)-Providing support services to the Greek speaking community since 1972 and family relationship support re bicultural issues since 2000

Trends in the community-Australia becoming more diverse leading to a rise in mixed-culture and mixed-faith relationships

Identifying the gap-Gap identified by both organisations/ discussions/community survey carried out and attracted 30 respondents which confirmed there is a need

We received 30 anonymous responses!

Let’s do a community survey

to see if there is a need for

this…

Profile summary of results from the Profile summary of results from the community surveycommunity survey

-More than 93% of respondents were females who were in cross cultural relationships. Most of them were married or had been in a committed relationship for 5-10 years

-Some examples of ethnic backgrounds included Greek, Italian, Turkish, South American, Chinese, Croatian, Australian & Irish

-Some examples of religious backgrounds included Catholic, Orthodox, Muslim, Taoism, Anglican, Baptist & Atheist

Some typical issues of difference which they identified to have caused conflict included (in order of most to least common):

•Issues with extended family/in-laws (81%)•Different values•Feeling like an outsider•Baptising children•Type of marriage ceremony•Naming children•Language barriers/issues•Gender roles/expectations•Being mocked or disrespected in relation to cultural differences•Pressure to convert or follow a particular religion (35%)

PROGRAM LOGIC-Cross-cultural couples have issues of difference based on their

cultural backgrounds. These issues of difference can cause conflict especially when there is some level of resistance from the other party to incorporate a cultural element into their life. Sometimes it’s about ego, other times it is about loyalty to extended family. It can come from external pressures (family) or internal values.

We thought it would be helpful for cross-cultural couples to have access to specialised support and there did not appear to be any in the ‘not-for-profit’ sector. As we had the expertise, we decided to do it.

We decided to run a 2-hour workshop for couples in cross-cultural relationships with the aim of having a PREVENTATIVE/EARLY INTERVENTION focus. Relatewell recruited the participants and I developed the presentation and delivered it.

OBJECTIVES- Short-term objective- To increase the couples’ awareness of how

their family/cultural background can affect their relationship. METHODOLOGY: Group setting Presentation and activity based Discussions - issues of difference leading to conflict.

Medium-term objective- To help couples build resilience and strength in their relationship in order to overcome future challenges

METHODOLOGY: Group settings, presentations as above Discussions – avoiding / managing conflict through respectful and

open communication Discussions on how cultural background is connected to people’s

identity and mindsets.

Monday night workshop presentationMonday night workshop presentation(Being in a Cross-Cultural Relationship)(Being in a Cross-Cultural Relationship)

PROGRAM OUTLINE -PROGRAM OUTLINE -

Introduction ExercisePresenter detailsGroup objectivesWhat is a cross-cultural relationshipHow this can be a riskWhat are the common issues in a cross-cultural relationship and the different stages of marriage‘Must-Have Conversations’ (activity)How to strengthen your relationship

‘Must-Have Conversations’ ActivityThe concept of ‘must-have conversations’ can be found on many pre-marriage websites. The main purpose they serve is to prompt couples to have discussions about topics of significance before they present in order for the couple to identify any major value differences for example abortion or moving interstate for work etc.

The survey developed and used with participants came from a similar source found on a religious website for couples planning to marry*. There were 20 items in the survey in total.

* This site is called ‘Foryourmarriage.com’ which is an initiative of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops

 2. As far as religious practice goes… A. Both my parents were regular church-goers and practiced the rituals of our religion, but us children did not have to do this after a certain age

B. The whole family (including us children) went to church regularly and practiced religious rituals strictly. There was no element of choice.

C. My parents were religious even though they were not regular church-goers. We still practiced some aspects of the religion but not strictly. There was an element of choice.

D. My parents were not very religious and rarely went to church or practiced any religious rituals

14. In my family of origin, responsibility for keeping the home tidy belonged to:

A. Everyone picked up after themselves

B. Mother or father picked up after the kids

C. I never noticed. It was never an issue.

D. Nobody picked up. (Our house was pretty messy.)

‘Must-Have Questionnaire’ (CONT…)

The participants in our groups were given the survey and asked to reflect on their own family of origin as they responded to the items. There was a mix of questions from how many children do you want to have to ones about how their own parents did things like celebrate Christmas etc.

They then shared each other’s responses as a couple and were encouraged to talk about how things were done in their family and their views about this.

Finally we went through the items as a group and talked about how these differences can present issues in the future, but how helpful it is to respectfully negotiate fair solutions and embrace elements of both cultures.

THE SUNDAY GROUP The rationale/aim of presenting this module- To promote the

Monday workshop ‘Being in a Cross-Cultural Relationship’

The Sunday groups were different to the Monday groups. Not all of them were in cross-cultural relationships and they had been referred by their priest

Sunday groups were given a presentation similar to the Monday group but this one was called ‘Family of Origin/Cultural background Influences on a relationship’

In 2014- 25 couples received the presentation (50 participants). In 2015- 26 couples (52 participants). So, 102 people received this presentation over 2 years.

None attended a Monday workshop but their awareness increased (short-term objective) as indicated by their responses to the immediate outcome survey.

Sunday group results to the immediate outcome survey showing an increased awareness was achieved:

(102 TOTAL RESPONDENTS OVER 2014 &2015)

Q1. I am satisfied with the information I received from this session

Agreed- 92%Disagreed-4%No opinion- 4%

Q2. This session raised issues which I believe can play a significant role in my relationship

Agreed- 70%Disagreed-18%No opinion- 12%

Sunday group results to the immediate outcome survey showing an increased awareness was achieved:

CONT…

Q3. As a result of this session, I have gained knowledge which can improve my relationshipAgreed- 84%Disagreed-9%No opinion- 7%

Q4. As a result of this session, I feel more confident about discussing these types of issues with my partner

Agreed- 70%Disagreed-18%No opinion- 12%

Q5. I would be happy to attend counselling in the future if I experience problems in my relationshipAgreed- 62%

Disagreed-14%No opinion- 24%

POSSIBLE REASONS WHY THE SUNDAY GROUP DID NOT ENGAGE

They did not see themselves as being at risk. Possibly because they had not progressed far enough in the relationship to be confronted with major issues of difference

They were in denial because they were focused on their wedding and did not want to face any issues which might cause conflict

They were not really there by choice and not all of them were in mixed cultural relationships so their motivation and sense of safety was perhaps low

EVALUATION Short-term objective- To increase the couples’ awareness of

how their family/cultural background can affect their relationship. -Measured by the Immediate outcomes survey (5 questions)

which was given at the end of Sunday and Monday presentations (n=122)

Medium-term objective- To help couples build resilience and strength in their relationship in order to overcome the challenges

-Measured by the Intermediate outcomes survey (5 questions) as well as the Follow-up Questionnaire which was given to the Monday workshop participants 6-9 months after the workshop (n=20)

Regular review meetings and communication between the partners

RESULTS: IMMEDIATE OUTCOMES(122 TOTAL RESPONDENTS)

Q1. I am satisfied with the information I received from this session

Agreed- 93% (92%)Disagreed-3% (4%)No opinion- 4% (4%)

Q2. This session raised issues which I believe can play a significant role in my relationship

Agreed- 72% (70%)Disagreed-16% (18%)No opinion- 12% (12%)

IMMEDIATE OUTCOMES RESULTSCONT…

Q3. As a result of this session, I have gained knowledge which can improve my relationship

Agreed- 83% (84%)Disagreed-8% (9%)

No opinion- 9% (7%)

Q4. As a result of this session, I feel more confident about discussing these types of issues with my partner

Agreed- 80% (70%)Disagreed-5% (18%)

No opinion- 15% (12%)

Q5. I would be happy to attend counselling in the future if I experience problems in my relationship

Agreed- 70% (62%)Disagreed-18% (14%)No opinion- 12% (12%)

THE FIRST OBJECTIVE WAS MET. AWARENESS HAD INCREASED!

RESULTS: INTERMEDIATE OUTCOMESRESULTS: INTERMEDIATE OUTCOMES(20 TOTAL RESPONDENTS- FROM THE MONDAY GROUPS)(20 TOTAL RESPONDENTS- FROM THE MONDAY GROUPS)

Q1. Q1. The workshop highlighted specific issues that were relevant to us as a couple The workshop highlighted specific issues that were relevant to us as a couple

Agreed- 95%Agreed- 95%Disagreed- Disagreed-

No opinion- 5%No opinion- 5%

Q2. The workshop gave us the confidence to deal with these issues of difference Q2. The workshop gave us the confidence to deal with these issues of difference by teaching us how to have healthy and respectful discussionsby teaching us how to have healthy and respectful discussions

Agreed- 80%Agreed- 80%Disagreed-Disagreed-

No opinion- 20%No opinion- 20%

RESULTS: INTERMEDIATE OUTCOMESRESULTS: INTERMEDIATE OUTCOMES(20 TOTAL RESPONDENTS- FROM THE MONDAY GROUPS)(20 TOTAL RESPONDENTS- FROM THE MONDAY GROUPS)

Q3. Q3. Thinking back, it was useful attending that workshopThinking back, it was useful attending that workshop

Agreed- 85%Agreed- 85%Disagreed- Disagreed-

No opinion- 15%No opinion- 15%

Q4. The presenter seemed credible in her knowledge of the topicQ4. The presenter seemed credible in her knowledge of the topic

Agreed- 100%Agreed- 100%Disagreed-Disagreed-No opinion- No opinion-

VERY POSITIVE RESULTS INDICATING THAT COUPLES FOUND THE WORKSHOP VERY POSITIVE RESULTS INDICATING THAT COUPLES FOUND THE WORKSHOP HELPFUL. IS THEIR RELATIONSHIP STRONGER AND MORE RESILIENT? WE HELPFUL. IS THEIR RELATIONSHIP STRONGER AND MORE RESILIENT? WE

NEED LONGITUDINAL DATA TO ANSWER THIS.NEED LONGITUDINAL DATA TO ANSWER THIS.

RESULTS: INTERMEDIATE OUTCOMESRESULTS: INTERMEDIATE OUTCOMES(17/20 TOTAL RESPONDENTS- FROM THE MONDAY GROUPS)(17/20 TOTAL RESPONDENTS- FROM THE MONDAY GROUPS)

From the questionnaire-From the questionnaire-

Please indicate how your relationship is going now-Please indicate how your relationship is going now-

We certainly have the occasional issues but we seem to get over the hurdles We certainly have the occasional issues but we seem to get over the hurdles and believe we have the skills to make it over the long haul and believe we have the skills to make it over the long haul (65%)(65%)

It’s a miracle how we’ve survived. The disagreements and arguments have It’s a miracle how we’ve survived. The disagreements and arguments have almost destroyed our relationship almost destroyed our relationship (12%)(12%)

Our relationship has not survived. The issues of difference were just too great Our relationship has not survived. The issues of difference were just too great (24%)(24%)

Our relationship has not survived, but the reasons for its failure were not Our relationship has not survived, but the reasons for its failure were not about our cultural differences about our cultural differences (-)(-)

THIS SUGGESTS THAT 6-12 MONTHS AFTER THE WORKSHOP, SOME HAVEN’T THIS SUGGESTS THAT 6-12 MONTHS AFTER THE WORKSHOP, SOME HAVEN’T MADE IT, BUT MOST OF THEM ARE DOING OKMADE IT, BUT MOST OF THEM ARE DOING OK

RESULTS: INTERMEDIATE OUTCOMESRESULTS: INTERMEDIATE OUTCOMES(17/20 TOTAL RESPONDENTS- FROM THE MONDAY GROUPS)(17/20 TOTAL RESPONDENTS- FROM THE MONDAY GROUPS)

From the questionnaire-From the questionnaire-

Most common issues experienced-Most common issues experienced-(in order of most to least common)(in order of most to least common)

Gender roles and expectations (71%)Gender roles and expectations (71%)Issues with extended families or in-lawsIssues with extended families or in-lawsFeeling like an outsiderFeeling like an outsiderDifferent valuesDifferent valuesBeing disrespected or mocked because of cultural differenceBeing disrespected or mocked because of cultural differenceLanguage barriers/issuesLanguage barriers/issuesBaptising children Baptising children NB. 82% had no children yet!NB. 82% had no children yet!Type of marriage ceremony (religion/venue)Type of marriage ceremony (religion/venue)Naming childrenNaming childrenPressure to convert or follow my partner’s religion (6%)Pressure to convert or follow my partner’s religion (6%)

COUNSELLINGCOUNSELLING

Out of the 20 participants who attended the Monday workshops 3 couples and Out of the 20 participants who attended the Monday workshops 3 couples and one individual requested counselling.(Another 4 couples from promotional)one individual requested counselling.(Another 4 couples from promotional)

1. 1. COUPLE XCOUPLE X(Greek/Mauritius)(Greek/Mauritius)

2. 2. COUPLE YCOUPLE Y(Romanian/Australian)(Romanian/Australian)

3. 3. COUPLE ZCOUPLE Z(Nepalese/Sri Lankan)(Nepalese/Sri Lankan)

4. 4. Female IndividualFemale Individual(Indian/Australian)(Indian/Australian)

* Read out case study for couple Y* Read out case study for couple Y

N’s comment- “One thing that was really effective for us was to open up

about our concerns with each other which was really scary. For example, my concern was that I was not prepared to get married to someone who was of a different religion to me because it is such a big part of my life and I wanted to share it with the person I loved. The issue was that I had been hiding this from Z for almost 2 years and had lied to her about it because I was scared of losing her. Your workshop as well as praying, talking with my friends and family and talking to my priest helped me to understand that I needed to be honest with myself and her. When I told her the truth and revealed that I had been dishonest with her, she was devastated and it almost cost us our relationship. It was a very difficult and painful period which could have been avoided had I been honest from the start. Through an absolute miracle, she forgave me and we were able to move forward and now she understands what I really wanted. She has converted and we are both orthodox now”

FURTHER CONSIDERATIONS--Longitudinal data is needed. What happens to these

couples after 5 years? Perhaps enlist a research institution

-Our organisations are now part of the Families and Children Expert Panel Outcomes Measurement Project

-Taped interviews of real life cross-cultural couples

-Role plays to improve communication skills

-Using a bi-cultural facilitator is recommended

THE PROJECT POTENTIAL --Based on the current promotional material

available via multimedia we receive an average of 12 contacts per month mainly from couples whom have attended a premarital program at RelateWell.

-There is no commitment at this point but reference to future participation.

- As partner organisations, we will need to source ways in which to further promote and engage this client group as interest is definitely there.

COMMUNITY INTEREST IN THE TOPIC OF CROSS-CULTURAL COUPLES

-Food for Thought Network: Guest speaker

-The Exchange (TV Program)

https://youtu.be/B0Cflxfh0zY?list=PLohfh2pyxupwhpub-yZraGFd_9EPyOUlk

CLOSE-Any questions or Comments?