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What are the golden rules for managing difficult conversations which take you by surprise so they don't become critical? Here's a 4-step approach.
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Dealing with Dangerous Dialogue
When conversations could turn critical
Julia Steward
www.chrysalisleadershipdevelopment.com
Aim
Identify strategies to minimise the impact of ‘dangerous dialogue’ – conversations that take you unaware and stay with you long afterwards4-step approach:• Recognising when things become dangerous• Taking control – of yourself• Seeing it through: helpful behaviours• Limiting the legacy
‘Dangerous dialogue’
Dangerousadj: able or likely to cause harm or injury
likely to cause problems or to have adverse consequencesmenacing, threatening, hazardous, perilous
Dialoguen: conversation between two or more peopleconversation, talk discussion, interchange,
v: take part in a conversation or discussion to resolve a problem.
Recognising‘Caught’ ……by loaded question… on the phoneOut of the blue
Not in control
paranoid
Didn’t expect a
reaction
worried
Difficult to prepare for the unknown
confused .. manipulated
angrycross
intimidated
fearful
www.valuescentre.com 5
7-levels of consciousness model
Know and Understand
Physiological
Safety
Love & Belonging
Self-esteem
Personal values
Making a positive difference in the world
Self-less service
Finding meaning in existence
Letting go of fears
Feeling protected and loved
Feeling a sense of self-worth
Satisfying our physical and survival needs
Fear …
What’s it for?
Danger!
body’s reaction is turned off by activating the parasympathetic nervous system which relaxes & conserves energy
increased cortisol remains until …
Increased sugar, higher heart rate, raised blood
pressure
Message from brain to adrenal glands
to theamygdalaactivating
sympathetic nervous system
away from here
Blood flow focuses on what’s essential for survival
What triggers your emotional reaction?
• Individually spend a few minutes listing situations/events that have caused stress
• With a colleague, consider an appropriate ‘antidote’
10
Injunctions
ought
should
Step 2: Take control
Step 3: guiding the dialogue
Listen
Empathise
Establish what they want
Accept responsibility - carefully; apologise if appropriate
Follow-up - if necessary and report back
‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent’ Eleanor Roosevelt
Step 4: Limiting the Legacy
• Process the event• Identify the learning• Let go
Identify and record helpful and unhelpful practices. What will help you to use one rather than the other?
Four steps
Recognising Taking control
Seeing it through
Limiting the legacy
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