Dealing with difficult people

Dealing with Difficult People

Evelyn Butricobutrie@eastgreenbushlibrary.org

DirectorEast Greenbush Community Library

Objectives

Identify difficult people, their motivation and behaviors

Communication Values Strategies

Dealing with difficult people It's easy to work with those who are easy to get along with. But how do you treat

the stranger, the difficult person, that person you don't really understand, can't relate to and don't really care about?

Come in all shapes and sizes, how many can you recognize: The antagonist The Tank The Sniper The complainer/the whiner, crybaby The No Guy The “Nothing” person The Indecisive Mr. Nice Guy or The Yes Guy The “Maybe” person The Volcano/The Grenade The know-it-all The Friendly Sniper

The Aggressive Type

Get it done The Tank The Sniper The Antagonist

Get Appreciated The Grenade The Friendly Sniper The Know-it-all

The Passive Type

Get it right The whiner The “no” person The “nothing” person

Get along The Indecisive The “yes” person The “maybe” person

Activity

Characteristics of each type

Communication

Knowing how to communicate is powerful

Communication Process 7% of what you communicate is what you say 38% of what you communicate is what you

sound like 55% of what you communicate is what “they”

see

Communication

Be aware of your non-verbal communication Body Language Eye Contact Facial Expression Posture Gestures

Be Aware of who you are talking to

Traditionalist – born pre-’46: loyal, hardworking, financially conservative and faithful to

institutions. Baby Boomers- born ’46-’64:

Loyal, optimistic, connected to their achievements, respect based on achievement, wait to be told what to do

Gen Xer’s- born ’65-’77: Independent, tech savy, skeptical, resourceful and hardworking

Generation Y- born ’78-’89: Idealistic, optimistic, empowered, tech savy, collaborators, reject

rigidity

Align your values

7 Habits of highly effective people, Stephen Covey

1. Be Proactive

2. Begin with the end in mind

3. Put first things first

4. Think win/win

5. Seek first to understand/then to be understood

6. Synergize

7. Sharpen the saw

You can choose your language

Reactive:

I must

If only

They made me

If I had

Proactive:

I prefer

I will

I choose

I can be

#1

The key to the ability to changeis a changeless sense of who you are, what you are about and what you value

#2

“Things which matter most should never be at the mercy of things which matter least”

Goethe

#3

It’s not your way or my way, it’s a better way

#4

“We have such a tendency to fix things up with good advice, but often we fail to take the time to diagnose, to really deeply understand another

human being first”

#5

“When we are left to our own experiences,

we constantly suffer from a shortage of data”

#6

Read, write, relax, exercise, play, love, get involved, meditate …

#7

Dealing with Difficult People

Principles for Getting Along With Difficult People Maintain your confidence Hold realistic expectations. Quit trying to change the difficult person. Accept the

fact that you can't change him, but you can change your reactions to him/her.

Refuse to play his/her games. Don't allow yourself to become the difficult person's

slave. Be honest with yourself and learn to say no.

MOST IMPORTANT

Create a strategy

Techniques for Difficult Situations

Pacing- Communicates being in sync, establishes common ground

Backtracking- repeating what a person says not what you think they said

Intent- state early in the conversation to establish the same goal

Clarify- ask questions, get all the info

Effective Responses for Disarming Difficult People When people: Try This:

Push your buttons Have a humorousresponse

Make an outrageous Be silent, thenaccusation redirect

Are complaining Reflect back

Blame Acknowledge

Won’t stop Arguing Agree to disagree

Keep asking questions Answer with a question

Scenario #1

Patron Alice Smith explodes when told she has fines. She rages uncontrollably about injustices she has suffered. She is inconsolable. She declares that no one listens.

Type of DP?

Aggressive or Passive?

Strategy?

Scenario #2

Your boss is an expert on the subject of her work. She knows what needs to be done and how to do it. She is so sure of herself that she never invites or even permits your input. She dictates what to do and expects you to do it her way with little to no tolerance for innovative thinking.

Type of DP?Aggressive or Passive?Strategy?

Scenario #3

Helen always listens attentively as you relate the goals for the week. She agrees that she needs to work harder, be more attentive. This never happens and she never gets as much work done as the others.

Type of DP?

Aggressive or Passive?

Strategy?

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