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The art of
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self-coaching
Ed BatistaClass 7:VULNERABILITY
In the Spring…
This week…
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Small groups 35 minsVulnerability 15 minsMeta-emotions 30 minsFor next time… 5 mins
Agenda
Before we getdown to business
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Debrief in yourWhat was that like?How did it feel?
quartet
Shame &empathy
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Shame &Shame = I’m flawed & unworthyEmpathy = The antidote to shame
empathy
Shame &Shame = Creates distanceEmpathy = Creates closeness
empathy
Shame &Seeking help typically triggers shame(or embarrassment or vulnerability)True for many forms of disclosure
empathy
Shame &But typical responses block empathy1. “Look on the bright side”2. “My problem’s worse”3. “Here’s some advice”
empathy
Shame &Instead…1. Avoid judgments2. Sense & validate emotions3. Convey understanding (≠ agreement)
empathy
VulnerabilityA storyI’ll start
VulnerabilityNow it’s your turnSpread out with your quartet
Vulnerability4 minutes for each of you to tell a story2 minutes for group to respondTiming will be key
VulnerabilityHow might you push yourself?What would be too far?Reflect for a minute
quartet Debrief in yourWhat happened?What did you experience?
Thank your group
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Crucible stories
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Meaning-makingMental modelsConnectionsEmpathy
Vulnerability
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myths
VulnerabilityBrené BrownVulnerability = oversharing or weaknessI don’t do vulnerabilityI can go it alone
myths
VulnerabilitySo…If vulnerability ≠ oversharing, what’s enough?If vulnerability ≠ weakness, what is it?How do we build boundaries & trust?
questions
Meta-emotionJohn Gottman & Horst Mitmansgruber et alHow do we feel about how we feel?
Meta-emotionFeelings (& thoughts) about our emotionsYet another set of mental models
Meta-emotionDiscomfort with emotion
Feelings themselves become triggers
Meta-emotionPossible with any emotionsParticularly salient with vulnerabilityPowerful (often destructive) responsesSuppression/denial, distance, acting out
Meta-emotionReflect on your worksheets
What does thistell me?
What does thisReivich & ShattéABCs: Adversity Beliefs ConsequencesTraps: Tunnel vision, overgeneralize, conclusionsIcebergs: Achievement, acceptance, control
tell me?
What can Ido about it?
What can IReframingSelf-soothingTalking about feelingsLeave our comfort zones They tend to expand
do about it?
VulnerabilityWhy discuss this here, now? Why does it matter?A powerful lever when we can manage itA destructive force when we can’t
VulnerabilityAs leaders, you’ll manage it or you won’tYou’ll build a culture no matter what
VulnerabilityOBVS: The real world ≠ a classroomThe underlying principles still applyIt’ll be up to you to translate them effectively
UnhappinessSubjective points of viewStoicism, Pema Chödrön, Viktor FranklWhich ones are most meaningful to you?
UnhappinessChödrön is a little out thereThat’s why Burkeman Ch. 3 is an option(Burkeman Ch 2. is required, not optional)
& a (short) story…
& a (short) story…After doing the reading, complete the
worksheetMultiple sources of unhappinessBe prepared to disclose oneYou’ll have 20 seconds
& a (short) story…This exercise can be daunting
Please plan accordinglyPlease don’t be late
Other items…Slides posted on my siteNext assignment due Tuesday 9pm
