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Adolescence Violence in the Home: Restorative Approaches to Building Healthy, Respectful Family Relationships after Violence L I LY A N D E R S O N , M S W K R Y S TA L C O R R E A , M S W
K I N G C O U N T Y S T E P - U P P R O G R A M K I N G C O U N T Y S T E P - U P P R O G R A M
P H : 2 0 6 - 2 9 6 - 7 8 4 1 P H : 2 0 6 - 4 8 2 - 9 7 3 8
L I LY. A N D E R S O N @ K I N G C O U N T Y. G O V KC O R R E A @ K I N G C O U N T Y. G O V
“The idea of children attacking their parents is so foreign to our conceptions of parent-child relations that it is difficult for most of us to believe that such behavior occurs.”
- Richard Gelles and Claire Cornell, Intimate Violence in Families
“The last taboo in family violence.” - Dr. Amanda Holt, Adolescent to Parent Abuse
Program began in 1997 in response to high numbers of youth assaults against family members referred to juvenile court.
Over the first ten years of the program, as many as 900 juvenile domestic violence cases were processed each year.
65 % of the victims in juvenile domestic violence cases are parents or caretakers.
A Pattern of Violence and Abuse toward Family Members
Verbal / Emotional Abuse
Hitting, Punching, Kicking, Choking, Grabbing, Use of Weapons
Threats to Hurt or Kill, Threats with Weapons, Harassing, Intimidating Behaviors, Property Destruction
Degrading, profane Language, Yelling, Name Calling, Put Downs, intending to hurt
Rude, Uncooperative Disregarding others; not necessarily intentional
What the research tells us…
Research Around the World Australia
New Zealand England Ireland
Japan
Canada
France
Spain
Victims of Adolescent Violence in the Home
Data collected by King County Prosecutor’s Office 2001-2004
Mothers/ Female
Caretakers
Fathers/Male Caretakers
72% 7777 777 72%
28%
Offenders of Adolescent Violence in the Home Data collected by King County Prosecutor’s Office 2001-2004
Male
Female 35%
65%
Relationship of Offender to Victim in King County
Son to MotherDaughter to MotherSon to FatherDaughter to Father
Relationship of Offender to Victim in London UK
Son to MotherDaughter to MotherSon to FatherDaughter to Father
Risk Factors for Adolescent Violence in the Home
Step-Up Data on Risk Factors Exposed to Domestic Violence 57% Physically Abused in past 35% Mental Health Diagnoses 48% Identified Substance Use Disorder 20% Data collected from Step-Up Family Interviews 2000- 2012
“He says the same things to me that his Dad used to say...”
Child Living with Domestic Violence Messages heard about Mom
All her fault
Selfish
Stupid
Bad Parent
Weak
My behavior her fault
Crazy
Bitch
Lazy
Can’t do
things right
View of Mom
Cause of problem
Disgusting
Incapable
Whore Over
emotional
Over spends
Can’t be trusted
Richard Gelles and Claire Pedrick Cornell, Intimate Violence in Families
“Children abusing their parents is so
counter normative that it is extremely
difficult for parents to admit that they are
being victimized by one of their children.”
Parents say:
“How can I do my job as a parent- hold boundaries, set limits and follow through with consequences when I’m afraid of him? The last time I said ‘no’ he punched a hole in the wall and threw a chair at me.”
“When he’s in my face calling me an “F’ing B..” it’s hard to keep from slapping him… I get so angry, I can’t even talk to him. I just try to stay away from him. I don’t know what else to do.”
“I feel bad for all that he has been through – it’s not his fault. He’s been through a lot of trauma, it’s no wonder he’s so mad.”
Effects on Parenting
Fear • Give in • Avoid conflict • Walk on
eggshells
Anger
• Fight Back • Passive -aggressive • Withdraw
support/affection
• Don’t hold accountable
• Rescue • Ignore problem
Self Blame
Ripple Effect: Loss of Parental Leadership Increases other Risk Factors
STEP UP
Building Respectful Family Relationships
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GBqEAhXfCM&feature=youtu.be
20 sessions – once a week, for 90 min. 6:30-8 pm
‘Check-in’ process with parents and teens together for first half of group
Skill building follows check-in: -youth/parents together, or
-separate youth and parent groups
STEP UP
Building Respectful Family Relationships
Group work offers additional support
Families helping families Feedback and encouragement
Observe others work out problems – “I saw myself for the first time…”
Accountability to a whole group of people you are becoming more and more connected to
Respectful Family
Relationships
Safe Behaviors
Non-Violence
Responsibility for Behavior
Self-Awareness of Thinking, Feelings and
Behavior
Respectful Communication
Conflict Resolution
Self Calming Coping Skills
Moving from Abuse to Respect
Accountability
Check-In provides a safe framework for accountability – to learn they can be honest, admit mistakes and will still be supported
Goal Setting helps youth change their behavior through small steps using weekly goals and self- assessment of progress
Restorative Inquiry Questions engages teen in self-reflection about effects of hurtful behavior
Restorative Practice Approach
Respect for self
and others / Restore Family
Relations
Accountability for hurtful behavior
Understanding effects of behavior / Activates
Empathy
Taking responsibility by making amends/
Competency Development
Accountability and Support
For either one to be effective- they must include each other
Accountability that is high on Support is most influential for engaging youth. (Restorative Practice Principle)
1. Who was harmed by your behavior? 2. What was the harm, damage or loss that was done
(to others, your relationships, and you)? 3. How did it effect others in your family? 4. What could you have done differently so you stayed
on the Respect Wheel? 5. What have you done, or what do you need to do, to
repair the harm, damage or loss and make amends? 6. What do you need to do to prevent hurtful behaviors
from happening again?
Accountability: Defuses shame, transforming it into feeling responsible and capable of taking action to resolve problems caused by the behavior;
Relaxes the defenses and nervous system allowing the person to begin to problem solve and figure out a plan for behavior change;
Empowers and raises self-esteem, bringing back a sense of self that is good, caring and empathic.
Transforming Shame
Focus on the behavior, not the person– “it is a behavior that can be changed, it is not who you are”
Don’t excuse the behavior –this takes away their ability to feel what they need to feel to motivate change
Transforming Shame
Give space to talk about what happened without comment
If blaming, accusing, justifying- don’t engage with it- keep focus on the feelings you hear
Show them that they can admit mistakes and they will still be supported and loved
Who is a good fit? Youth is primary perpetrator of violence in the family Youth and parents can attend group regularly Youth and/ or parents do not have significant mental
health or substance abuse issues that interfere with participating and learning in the group Youth is not currently a victim of abuse
STEP UP
Building Respectful Family Relationships
An Alternative Pathway for Justice System Response to Youth Family Violence
Helping youth bypass
court process and
engage in change
FIRS
Family Intervention and Restorative Services (FIRS) A new approach to serving families experiencing youth
violence toward family members that addresses immediate family safety and expedites access to intervention services
Goal is to provide an immediate break for family safety, assess safety issues and youths’ needs, and rapidly connect to services
Restorative process is used to engage youths’ understanding of the impact of their behavior and motivate the desire to change
Provides a more consistent and effective resource for law enforcement responding to youth acting out violently in the home
Parents/caretakers are in crisis reaching out for help
In nearly 90% of DV incidents, the youth has been violent toward a family member, 70% are mothers.
Majority of parents report that they refrained from calling the police until the behavior had been going on for a long while, and was increasing in severity
In King County, parents report that the police did not arrest until they had called multiple times
By the time they come to court, it is has often become an engrained behavior
What do most parents/caretakers want when they call the police?
Safety in the home- the violence to stop
Parents call the police when they fear for their safety or the safety of others- and want help for their child
Parents usually do not want their youth in juvenile detention or charged with a crime- but need them removed from the home for safety reasons-
To be taken seriously and feel supported by system- police, courts, social services
To motivate their youth to engage in counseling to change their behavior
For their youth to understand that family violence is not okay
Violent Incident /
Call to Police
Officer Transports youth to juvenile
detention (must be probable cause)
Detention Screening
Assessment for FIRS Center eligibility;
FIRS Team Reviews
case for FIRS process eligibility;
May be rejected if not appropriate for
FIRS & case sent back to Prosecutor
NOT FIRS Eligible- Stays in detention to
First Appearance Hearing following day;
May be released w/ safety plan; May go on Diversion, be filed or dropped / dismissed.
FIRS Eligible – Youth transferred to FIRS Respite Center
FIRS PROCESS 1. Violence Risk
/Safety Assessment
2. Safety Planning 3. Assess service
needs 4. Restorative
Process 5. FIRS Agreement 6. Referral to
Services 7. Field JPC follow-
up on case
No Action by Officer
Officer does not take youth Police Report
sent to Prosecutor
Prosecutor sends case to FIRS
Team if eligible
King County Juvenile Court Response to AFV
Eligible Offenses
Assault 4 – Domestic Violence
Malicious Mischief 3 – Domestic Violence
Harassment – Domestic Violence
Felony Domestic Violence – Assault 2, Felony Harassment, Felony Property Destruction – considered on a case by case basis
FIRS Respite Center Converted detention hall that was not being used
7 beds in an unlocked, safe and welcoming atmosphere
Youth can stay as long as needed for safety reasons (usually 2 – 5 days)
Therapeutic environment with violence prevention skill learning groups
Before After
FIRS components and process
Assess Violence / Family Safety
Severity of Violence
Safety Concerns
Safe to Go Home?
If not safe to return home, team w/ JPC and family to develop plan
Safety Plan to Prevent Re-Offense
Safety Plan with Youth and Parent
Safety Plan with Parent
Restorative Dialogue with Youth and Parent
Youth and Family return home with Safety Skills
and a Safety Plan
Social Worker and JPC team to assess Service Needs / Develop Plan
Identify Needs
Identify Services
Develop Service Agreement
Youth and Family return home with a Service Plan
How can youth be helped by the court system?
Given the message that the community is concerned about their violent behavior; it is not only their parent
Motivation to change; accountability to others outside of the home to follow-through with getting help
Feel supported and encouraged to get help they need
Gain skills that target violence/abuse prevention
FIRS Agreement
Restorative discussion regarding the needs of the youth/ plan to prevent re-offenses has included the youth and parent’s views of service needs
Other services may include: substance abuse eval & counseling, mental health evaluation & tx, in-home family counseling, or other court offered EB intervention
A probation counselor in the community (in area of youth’s residence) provides monitoring of the youth’s progress and compliance with attending services by checking in with youth and parents regularly over the course of the contract – usually 6 months.
FIRS Successes and Challenges
Successes:
The opportunity for families to have a break with time to rest and re-group after a violent incident in the home helps everyone make better decisions
Parents feel supported and validated by the immediate response
Youth are able too avoid any time in detention
Youth are able to divert their case out of the formal court system and avoid criminal history
Challenges:
High risk youth who have had prior offenses are usually not a good fit
For youth who choose not to comply with their agreement, there is no consequence – parents have to call the police again to re-enter the system. This is disappointing and difficult for parents
Not all law enforcement officers are familiar with FIRS, which impedes families getting the help they need
FIRS staff continue to conduct outreach and provide information and training to law enforcement precincts to educate them about FIRS
For More Information
Call Step-Up 206-477-2071 Visit our website
www.kingcounty.gov/courts/superior- court/juvenile/step-up *Step Up is meeting virtually via Zoom during COVID-19
For information about using the Step-Up curriculum, contact Lily Anderson
Books on the topic of Adolescent Family Violence
Adolescent-To-Parent Abuse, Current Understanding in Research, Policy and Practice, Amanda Holt, 2013
Adolescent Violence in the Home, Restorative Approaches to Building Healthy, Respectful Family Relationships, Gregory Routt and Lily Anderson, 2015
Working with Adolescent Violence and Abuse Towards Parents, Approaches and Contexts for Intervention, Amanda Holt, 2016
