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This is a presentation I used on a CDS Costa Rica Parent Meeting. For more information, please log on www.ivanjiron.com
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Understanding AdolescenceFrom a parent’s point of view
By: MPs. Iván Jirón Beirutewww.ivanjiron.com
Adolescence is…
• Not a biological process, but a cultural one.
• Different for every family.• Different for every person.• A Process in life where the
children get ready for becoming adults
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How does it works?
• Starting with childhood, the children gets a world view from the standpoint of their parents, and other meaningful characters.
• They process their world through their bodies (using their senses)
• With Puberty, their bodies start having changes, thus adjustments need to be made.
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How does it works?
• Adjustments include:– They way they see the
world.– The way they see
themselves.– The way they see
themselves facing this new world
• They also have to deal with expectations (both personal, and social).www.ivanjiron.com
How does it works?
• By changing the way they relate to the world, anxiety is born.
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What About Teenage Anxiety?• As our children grow they
get in touch with several social scenarios, everyone of them with different rules and points of view.
• Parental Point of view become the base to which they need to contrast everything they learn “outside”.
• Anxiety is an uncomfortable feeling we get for no apparent or obvious reason.
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What About Teenage Anxiety?• Therefore Parental Stand point is
of no use when trying to figure out a way to walk in the world… it is the scheme they are trying to overcome.
• New points of reference are needed:– Peers– Other Adults– Social Icons and Role models– Social Networks and groups– Subculture movements – Boyfriends / girlfriendswww.ivanjiron.com
Consequences (how does it affect my child)
• During this whole period your child will:– Look for new perspectives (the other perspective
will always be the right one and you never understand).
– Press on comparison to establish viability and validity of a position/idea/principle/value. (the other parents are always better, and more comprehensive).
– Joggle between privacy and self awareness, and sociability and dependence of other people (“this party is THE MOST important event ever”… “I’d rather be dead than miss this event”)www.ivanjiron.com
Consequences (how does it affect my child)
– Push limits. (but mom tell me why – with no possible explanation they will accept)
– Constantly slapping our inconsistencies at our faces. (how come you and dad can and I don’t)
– Aiming to find breaches in our arguments. – Lack of clarity between what’s desirable and what
is good. – Extreme concern about being accepted by the
group (which is basically a way to be different along with similar people)
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Hot Topic # 1: Discipline
• Consistency.• Clear Expectations.• Never establish a
consequence with a hot head.
• Never leave an announced consequence without effect.
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Hot Topic # 1: Discipline
• Never establish a consequence will not have the heart to do.
• Never disregard a consequence put by your partner/spouse/significant other, either negotiate or respect it.
• Base Discipline on values as opposed to specific rules.
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Hot Topic # 2: Sexuality
• Do not overrate the topic.• Try to handle as natural
as possible.• Base the conversation on
the information your kid already has.
• NEVER underestimate your child’s knowledge.
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Hot Topic # 2: Sexuality
• Listen, don’t judge.• When expressing your
opinion do it in terms of “silly questions/statements”.
• Talk about sexuality in first person.
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Hot Topic # 3: Friends
• Whenever possible, try not to judge your child’s friends (remember you never understand them).
• Express your concerns in terms of silly questions or statements.
• Get them close to you, but remember they are NOT your friends.
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Hot Topic # 3: Friends
• As for “actual privacy” it is only necessary for the moments your child is alone, prefer to have them in the public areas of your house.
• When establishing limits to your child’s relationships do so according to your family values.
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