Welcome toDealing with “Difficult” People

Meet Julie Yesnick CAPS, CPM®

Julie has been an entrepreneur, business woman, real estate professional, educator, team leader and team builder and fitness enthusiast for the past 20 years. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Business Administration from The Ohio State University. She served 6 years in the Ohio Army National Guard. Julie is certified in numerous Emotional Intelligence instruments such as EQI2.0®, EQ360®, Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)®, FIRO-b®, CPi260°® and 360° Evaluation®, DISC, and Team Dimension Profile. These instruments can provide the necessary soft skills focus so craved in the current business climate. Julie also provides meeting facilitation, development of curriculum, policy and training manuals, leadership coaching and modeling, as well as development and delivery of original educational content. Her goal is to “Grow Key Employees for Optimal Results”.

Julie has a property management career spanning 20+ years. She started in student housing while completing her Bachelor’s Degree in Business Administration at The Ohio State University. During her career she has filled roles as a Leasing Consultant, Property Manager, Regional Manager, Education Director, Vice President of Property Management for worked for well-known firms in the multifamily housing industry such as Village Green, UDR, EQR, The Gene B. Glick Co., Inc. and most recently Principal and President of her own firm, Pivotal Leadership LLC.

Julie has earned the Certified Property Manager (CPM)® designation from the Institute of Real Estate Management (IREM)® and has served as the National Chairperson for the Education & Knowledge Products Committee for IREM®. This volunteer role as Chairperson is to facilitate educational progress and be the “go to” venue for members by utilizing, refining and delivering IREM® Education & Knowledge Products for all facets real estate management.

Julie is a certified Johnson & Johnson, Human Performance Institute, Corporate Athlete®. Her journey becoming a Corporate Athlete and then getting certified to train it has been one of the most important game changers in her life. To support this role, she is in pursuit for her Certified Personal Trainer License.

Dealing with “Difficult” People

Difficult People or Difficult Conversations?

Conflict Occurs When…

1. Opinions vary

2. Stakes are high

3. Emotions run strong

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Causes of Conflict

• Aggression

• Frustration

• Poor Leadership

• Distrust

• Gossip & Rumors

• Miscommunication

• Fear

• Anger

• Betrayal

• Unspoken Expectations

• Hurtful Words

• Irrelevant Differences

• Criticism

• Misunderstanding

Each of these descriptors are EMOTIONAL in nature

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Cycle of Conflict

Others’ negative Behavior

You become confused, distrust,

see them as “enemy

You withdraw and distance yourself

from them

You act negatively in

response to them

They detect your negative behavior = less willing to

negotiate

They’re sure you’re the enemy

They continue negative behavior. Cycle continues

What is Happening?!!?

A conversation gets escalated….before you know it:

• Fighting fists or Flying feet from adrenaline - It’s how we’re designed

• Blood get diverted to large muscles instead of brain (where we need it!)

• We’re under pressure to respond quickly

• We’re stumped – don’t know where to start

• We act in self defeating ways

When we conversations matter the most, we unfortunately are likely at our worst!

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Possible Conflict Outcomes

1. We can avoid it

2. We can face it and handle it poorly

3. We can face it and handle it well

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Style Under Stress Responses

Watch for others slipping into:

“Fight”

or

“Flight”

What are some descriptors of both?

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Style Under Stress Responses

Each of us has an emotional root response to stress either “Fight” or “Flight”

Being self aware of our own style (and others’) helps us have more productive conversations

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Spot the Difficult Conversations…

The ones you aren’t having but should be

• Why do we get “Stuck”?

• What do we suppose could help us get “Unstuck”?

• Identify the conversations that you aren’t having or not having well, and find how this can positively impact your professional and personal relationships

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Your Current Conflict Challenge

Think of a Difficult Conversation you’d truly like to have soon…

1. Based on your Style Under Stress and their possible Style, anticipate what could potentially be the tone of the conversation?

2. How can you prepare yourself for this interaction so the ultimate outcome is favorable? Let’s review some ways…

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C P R

When thinking through the real issue of the difficult conversation, consider if it is:

1. Content Related – “A deadline was missed”

2. Pattern Related – “Continued pattern of being late”

3. Relationship Related – “We need to discuss our working/personal relationship”

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Start with

Recall the conversation that you want to have/improve

1. Work on me first

2. Focus on what you REALLY want…for yourself and for others

3. Behave as if you REALLY do what those things

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Make it Safe

Step out of the content….if people feel unsafe,

makes no sense to try and discuss an issue

Diagnose if there is:• Lack of mutual purpose

• Lack of mutual respect • Both

Clear Problem MisunderstandingRespect

Purpose Apologize Contrast

Create Mutual Purpose Contrast

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My Story is…

Facts are not the same as “stories”

Watch for 3 clever stories

Victim

Villain

Helpless

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Ask Yourself…

Ask yourself:

1. Am I pretending to not notice my role in the problem?

2. Would a reasonable, rational person do this?

3. What should I do right NOW to move toward what I really want?

2

1

3

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STATE Your Path

When we are sure we are “right”, we are at our worst and defensive with our “stories”

Being “right” is an unhealthy goal

Confident – Not Abrasive

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T

A

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Share your facts

Tell your story

Ask for others’ paths

Talk tentatively

Encourage testing

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Explore others’ Paths

• Ask to get things rolling

• Mirror to confirm

• Paraphrase

• Prime if getting nowhere

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Take Action

Decide how to decide:• Command

• Consult

• Vote

• Consensus

WWWF

(Who does What by When and then Follow Up)

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Julie Yesnick CAPS, CPM®

President, Pivotal Leadership LLC

www.leadpivotal.com