TX Citizen 10.31.13

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We L iberate the I s land | L inecrushers Results | Hal loween Safety T ip

Avast, Y'all! It's Halloween!

page 4

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table of contents1st WordWhere we �nish of f this Island thing once and for all.3

Advice fromUncle EselGot a problem? You will.

14

7 Guest EditorialOld-school trick-or-treating.

9Citizen SoundcheckThe ONLY guide of i ts kind for

the NB/SM Metroplex!

6LineCrushers! Week Eight Results!

Around & AboutHalloween got an early star t

at the Watering Hole! 4

13

Trick-or-TreatSafety TipsA public service from the TX Citizen.

15

Last WordRechristening the Washington DC Football Club.

MusicThe Blues Society remembers

Phil Stevens. 16

CalendarStuf f to do. Go do stuf f.5

Ask a MexicanGustavo of fends in

two languages.

19

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The Island, Liberated“History is a set of lies agreed

upon.” – Napoleon Bonaparte

“The law is a myth agreed

upon, and we like it that way.” –

Traditional New Braunfels Media

OMG. O. M. G. Wait until you

read this. This is great.

As you know, we’ve been covering this

thing with The Island near Landa Park Estates

for a couple months, digging through legal

docs and going forth and back with their

lawyer, Charlie Freakin’ Zech. We’re not going

to recap the backstory here, but it’s all on our

website at txcitizen.com should you need to get

up to speed. Suffice it to say that the residents

of the Landa Park Estates neighborhood have,

since the 1930s, declared the headwaters of

the Comal River, and a nearby island, off-limits

to the general public.

New Braunfels residents have been

chased out of the water and off of The Island

for generations, but until now, no one has ever

challenged The Islanders on their claim. It’s

almost as if there hasn’t been a newspaper

in business in this town since before the Civil

War, or a local radio newscast going out over

the air every morning since 1950. It’s ok. Just

like we’ve done for the last couple years in

this column, we’ll pick up the HZ/KGNB slack

– that slack being everything left over after

they service the City’s government and elite.

And by “service”, we mean putting on the

kneepads and delivering. With enthusiasm.

Yeah. You know what I’m talking about.

The kids don’t, but you do. Heheh. I can almost

hear the moist smacking lips of those “trusted

news sources”. They could have settled

this decades ago, but hey, that would have

required effort. We had to read something

like 100 pages worth of stuff, and who has

time for that when you’re putting out for the

Chamber of Commerce? Nobody, that’s who.

Anyway, let’s get down to business. We’ll

start with the headwaters. Comal County Water

Recreation District #1 was formed

to collect taxes for weed and

mosquito abatement, and then

abate weeds and mosquitoes.

That’s it. Immediately after it

formed, however, the members

took a vote to prohibit anyone

other than themselves from using said

headwaters. They did not have the right to do

that, they simply declared it so, and then told

everybody they were a governmental body,

and to respect their authority. They still say

that. Doesn’t mean we’re obligated to do so.

In a letter to us, attorney Freakin’ Zech

offered this as evidence of the Landa Park

Estates resident’s exclusive right to the waters:

“Moreover, Reservation 2(d) reserves: ‘[t]he

use of said Comal River, its lakes, tributaries

and springs, for fishing, boating, swimming

and other water sports or pleasures.’” Note

that it says they can use the river, not that

they have exclusive use. We know “exclusive

use” is a different thing from “use”, because

Freakin’ Zech points out “exclusive use” just

one sentence later, when he makes the case

for exclusive use of The Island.

Again, Freakin’ Zech: “Finally, Section

3(a) provides in part for the reservation of the

‘full and exclusive use, for all the purposes set

forth in the preceding paragraph, of the largest

island, known generally as ‘Pelican Island’.”

First of all, the deed doesn’t reference

“Pelican Island”, because the largest island

is called Pecan Island. We understand

Freakin’ Zech’s confusion however, due to the

abundance of pelicans in the region, and the

fact that the Texas climate is hostile to pecan

trees. The section of the deed he (mis)quoted,

3(a), correctly references Pecan Island.

We thought we were going to have to go

back and refute the assertion that The Island

is “private”, and that was going to take up

another page of text. As it turns out, we don’t.

You ready for the fun part? Because here

comes the fun part.

Continued on page 8.

WORD1STMIKE

REYNOLDSWITH

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AROUND & ABOUTThe folks at the Watering Hole Saloon got an early start on Halloween,

holding their annual costume contest last Saturday night! A splendid time

was had by all, and the blushing bride, who tricked our photographer

with her faux missing tooth, was admonished by several concerned folks

for drinking while pretending to be expecting.

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BAT WING’S BACK, ALRIGHT!Head out to the Haunted Faust Brewing Co. for the SCARIEST Halloween

party in town!

There will be $200 cash up for grabs for the best overall costume, and

lots of money and gift certificates for the scariest, sexiest, funniest, and best

couple costumes.

All competitors in the 2nd Annual Ghostly Bat Wing Challenge will win a

medal, with cash and prizes awarded to 2nd and 3rd, and a big ol’ trophy and

a hundred bucks going to first place!

The Ghostly Bat Wing Challenge starts at 9 pm, Costume Contest judging

will start at 11 pm. Be there!

FORTUNES AT THE PHOENIXCome see the mysteries that will unfold in your life. Complimentary fortunes

and readings by a professional psychic. No, no this isnt a “Ms. Celo, call me now

scam”. This will be a great time if you are already out celebrating Halloween in

downtown New Braunfels. Co-Sponsored by: New Braunfels Young Professionals

Organization and the New Braunfels Jaycees. 7pm at the Phoenix Saloon.

GONE FISHIN’Kick off the 2013 Guadalupe River trout fishing season on Saturday, November 2,

with a one-day fly fishing tournament & river clean up. Scoring and prizes for most river

trash collected and fish caught. Wade fishing or guided boats available. Your entry fee

includes lunch, drinks and prizes.

Tournament begins at 7am at Rio Raft Outfitters, 14130 River Rd. For more info,

contact Chris Adams at [email protected].

IT’S TAILGATE TIME!The Prickly Pear Lounge is throwing a tailgate party on November 10 for the Cowboy

vs Saints game. There will be snacks, a grilling area for you to show off your skills, and a

projector and screen outside (weather permitting).

Drink specials, football at a tailgate, grills filled with food and a fun crowd is something

you don’t want to miss! Team spirit is a must, so bring it!

CHILI!Join the Greater New Braunfels Home Builders Association at their 5th Annual “Build

‘Er Bowl” Chili Cook Off on November 14 at 5pm at the Comal County Fair Grounds. The

best chili teams in town will be showing off their best recipes. Tickets are $20 pre-sale and

$30 at the door and include live music by Jay Eric, food, open bar, silent auction and more!

This is a 21 & up event. For tickets or more info, contact Marla Edler @ 830.609.4242

CALENDAR

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Send the details to [email protected].


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World Class 1st Place – The Happy Cow 77%

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Not the Halloween I Remember

By Ed FaerberWhen older people talk about how things were in their “day,” it’s usually a sign to run. This is because such ruminations are meant to remind the listener of how much tougher things were back then, and how the younger folk are weak and ungrateful bastards for not appreciating how much easier they have it. A common scene is the neighborhood curmudgeon admonishing children for having fun: “In my day, if you weren’t harvesting organs, you got hit in the head with a shovel and left for dead.”

In this column, I wish to contrast the Halloween experience in “my day” with that of the younger generation’s, sans the curmudgeoness.

Today, Halloween is celebrated like a major holiday. We enjoyed it too, but it was definitely considered just for kids. We were able to celebrate with abandon because these were the days before the fundamentalists scurried from their armed compounds to walk among us, trying their hardest to pour cold water on anything people enjoyed.

One benefit today’s trick-or-treaters have over their candy-begging forefathers is much-improved costumes. In the 1970s, our costumes were flimsy, cheap-looking fire hazards. The masks were made of thin plastic, strapped to the head by a feeble rubber band. The holes cut out for the eyes, nostrils and mouth left bits of serrated plastic, lacerating the wearer throughout the night. The masks were made of Chinese petrochemicals and smelled like Plastic Man with gastrointestinal issues. When you mixed these intoxicating fumes with the aroma of blood, it produced an odor that can only be described as both hallucinogenic and depressing.

The clothes themselves were brightly colored affairs made of synthetic fibers that would catch fire if the child walked too fast. In an understandable panic, flaming trick-or-treaters would run through the streets, flailing their arms, causing every child they passed to also burst into flames.

Our costumes represented pretty much the same figures they do today: Spiderman, the Hulk, Thor, Batman (not the cool Batman, but the weird 60’s TV Batman), Godzilla, Charles Manson and Casper. Girls dressed as a variety of princesses (such as Cinderella or Snow White), a witch, Wonder Woman (for the liberated set), Raggedy Ann and Charles Manson.

Sometimes, moms would break out the makeup and sewing machine to dress their kids up like hobos. Most children, however, didn’t like these homemade costumes because the hobo kids down the street thought they were being made fun of. One year, my mom dressed me up as a hobo. Two weeks later they found me beneath a trestle near Augusta, Maine, eating hobo stew from an old can.

When I was 9 years old, I was riding my bike past a house when a 3-year-old boy came running out. He was wearing a Fonzie shirt, a red towel pinned like a cape, cowboy boots and underwear. He got to the edge of his driveway, raised his thumbs and said, “Aaaay.” This remains the best costume I have ever seen. I only wish I had the huevos to wear it myself.

Modern trick-or-treaters also get a much better deal on candy. I’m amazed at the treats my kids pull in: miniature versions of candy bars, big versions of candy bars, and a variety of chocolate-covered stuff. Unfortunately, in the 70s, there were no Mini-Butterfingers. What there was plenty of, was candy corn. Lots of candy corn. Dear God, so much candy corn. And ribbon candy. If you’ve never had ribbon candy, it’s kinda like taffy except with a lacquer finish. It’s dangerous, the ribbon candy; cuts the mouth to pieces. As many Halloween-related injuries were sustained by ribbon candy as by masks and fire.

While people were usually generous with the sugar, then, as now, you sometimes got the weird stuff. The creepy old lady on Lilac Street with the lazy eye would hand out tuna. I like tuna, but not if it’s given by Henry Lee Lucas.

A few years ago, one of my sons was given an assault rifle.

Halloween used to mean streets were littered with children. There was very little parental supervision. Also, it seems, the number of houses that hand out candy are far fewer. The streets on Halloween used to be a children’s paradise, filled with kids running, yelling, eating candy, catching fire and exchanging bandages.

Then, inexplicably, the streets would empty at 9 p.m. The only remnants would be those unfortunates who had caught fire, now moaning on the lawns, bodies still twitching from the sugar. The rest would be home, safe and sound, digging into their candy.

Until midnight, that is, when we would sneak back out to perform demonic rituals with the old lady on Lilac Street.

GUEST EDITORIAL

8 AD SALES 830.358.2493

Continued from page 3.

The so-called private island, the one

with all the “Private Property” signage is not

Pecan Island. It’s Spring Island. Spring Island

is not the largest island, so there’s really no

mistaking it, unless if by “largest” the deed

really means “not the largest”, and by “Pecan”

it really means “Spring”. Go look at the photo

of the Google map in Graphic #1. We’ll wait.

Argument over. Check and mate. Per

the paperwork the District’s own attorney

provided, the residents of Landa Park Estates

don’t have the exclusive right to Spring Island

or the headwaters. Time to remove these signs:

BONUS LEGAL TOMFOOLERY – Just to

drive home what a clusterf**k this is, we’ve got

this quote from Charlie Freakin’ Zech, where

he explains why nobody pays taxes on Spring

Island: “Oh! Well that, well that, that’s easy!

The Appraisal District, my understanding, is

the Appraisal District, about five or six years

ago, decided that they needed to tax the land.

And so the only way the AD can tax the land

is to give it an address. And, so, the AD, on

its own volition, in order to tax the land, gave

it an address. But the District said, we’re a

governmental entity, you can’t tax us. And so

they wrote back to the, I guess they got with

the AD, that’s what, you know, and said they

can’t tax a governmental entity, we’re tax-

exempt. So the AD said oh! Ok! Sorry! And

there’s the address.”

I guess we’ll just ignore the fact that

there was never a transfer of The Island

from anybody to “Comal County Water

Recreation Dist 1”. Why not? Everyone else

does, including, apparently, the county. See

graphic #2.

So, according to Freakin’ Zech, those

signs that say “Private Property” don’t mean

private property at all. They must mean public

property, which is something different. Keep

Freakin’ Zech’s answer in mind the next time

you hear somebody say that The Islanders

pay property taxes on The Island. They don’t.

It’s government land, after all, valued at nearly

half a million dollars, whose use is described

as “Entertainment” by the Comal Appraisal

District. Sounds like public land commandeered

for private entertainment. Private-government-

entertainment-land. Private-entertainment-public-

land. Entertainment-public-private-land. Anyway

you phrase it, that’s a concept only viable in

Texas’ Most Corrupt City ™.

We’re so sure they can’t make their

case that we’re putting our money where our

collective mouth is. We’ve retained an attorney

of our own, and will defend, at our expense,

the first person arrested for trespassing either

on Spring Island or in the surrounding waters.

And don’t go breaking anything or causing a

ruckus or resisting arrest, because we won’t

cover that. All you get is the trespassing

defense and your mug shot in the paper. Our

work on this one is done.

\m/

Mike Reynolds

Publisher/Editor-in-Chief

Pelican Pecan Island

SpringIsland

Graphic 1

Graphic 2

Per the best argument its attorney could put forth, CCWRD #1, (in addition to being incorrectly identified on the sign), has no legal authority to keep anybody out of the water. Oops.


Thu 10.31

Adobe VerdeGarrett Heinrichs

6pm

Black Whale PubTBA

9pm

Dirty’s Bar & QCourt Nance

7pm

Oma Gruene’s Secret Garten3 Man Front

7pm

Phoenix SaloonMarcus Morales

5pm

Riley’s TavernAmanda Jo Cevallos

9pm

AJ’s Ale HouseRock & Roll Sing Along Piano Bar Show

9pm

Billy’s Ice HouseBackwater Blvd

9pm

Cheatham Street WarehouseBrett Hauser Band

w/ Charlie Stout

9pm

Freiheit Country StoreOpen Mic w/ Fallon Franklin

6pm

Gruene HallSlim Bawb

6pm

The Pour HausHalloween Party

7pm

River Road Ice HouseWhiskey Rodeo

7pm

Tavern in the GrueneAwe Hells

8pm

Uptown Piano BarAshley Stone

8pm

Vineyard at GrueneTBA

7pm

Fri 11.1

Adobe VerdeThe Groove Hounds

6:30pm

Dirty’s Bar & QGerald Burns

8pm

The Happy Cow3 Chord Rodeo

8pm

Phoenix SaloonRock Bottom String Band

9pm

Riley’s TavernPepper’s Blues

9pm


9pm

Cheatham Street WarehouseAdam Johnson Band

w/ Peterson Bros.

9pm

Gruene HallTodd Snider

w/ Amy LaVere, Will Sexton, HalleyAnna

7pm, $20

The Pour HausTBA

9pm

River Road Ice HouseAnthony Terry

w/ The No Refund Band

8pm

Tavern in the GrueneMonty Guitar Tyler

8pm

Uptown Piano BarBarry Adams

8pm

YOUR LIVE MUSIC GUIDE

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Vineyard at GrueneJade Patek

7pm

Vino en VerdeTBA

8:30pm

Sat 11.2

Adobe VerdeDry River Religion

6:30pm

Black Whale PubTBA

9pm

The Happy CowMusic all day!

w/ The Whipples, Biscuit Killers,

Slim Bawb, Lonnie & Texas Connection,

Uncle Daddy, Knucklehead w/ Rick Plester,

Mark Jungers, Jordan Minor & the Bottom

Dollar Band, Armadillo Road, +More!

Oma Gruene’s Secret GartenThe Revival Brothers

1pm

The Catherine Denise Band

6pm

Phoenix SaloonBJ Thibodeaux & Backwater Blvd

9pm

Riley’s TavernTBA

9pm


9pm

Billy’s Ice HouseFile 13

9pm

Cheatham Street WarehouseSoul Track Mind

8pm

Gruene HallFlat Top Jones

1pm

Todd Snider

w/ Bill Carter, HalleyAnna

8pm, $20

The Pour HausDaniel Smalley Band

9pm

River Road Ice HouseRodney Parker & 50 Peso Reward

8pm

Tavern in the GrueneTBA

8pm

Uptown Piano BarJohn Maclean

8pm

Vineyard at GrueneJim Thomas

7pm

Vino en VerdeTBA

9pm

Sun 11.3

Adobe VerdeJade Patek

6pm

Oma Gruene’s Secret GartenSlim Bawb

2pm

Phoenix SaloonThe Hillbilly Jug Band

2pm

TBA

7pm

Cheatham Street WarehousePeace, Love & Hope Benefit

Luke Williams, Canvas People, Mile 5,

Corey Tutt, Will Arrington, Victor Holk,

Blue Water Hwy, & more

4pm

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Geronimo VFW 8456Good Ole Boys Band

3pm

Gruene HallSlim Bawb

12:30pm

Harry Bodine & Black Coffee

w/ John Magnie & Steve Amedee

5pm

Mon 11.4

Riley’s TavernSongwriter Showcase

w/ John Whipple

8pm

Cheatham Street WarehouseGrant Ewing & Colin Colby

9pm

Gruene HallBret Graham

6pm

River Road Ice HouseEmpty Handed Vagabonds

7pm

Tavern in the GrueneCourt Nance & Friends

8pm

Tues 11.5

Watering Hole SaloonKennCentric Power Trio

8:30pm

Billy’s Ice HouseKyle Reed, Steven Roloff

8pm

Cheatham Street WarehouseBrett Hauser Band

9pm

Gruene HallAudrey Auld, Richard Bowden, Andrew

Hardin

6pm

The Pour HausOpen Mic w/ Jon Magill

8pm

River Road Ice HouseScott Morgan

7pm

Tavern in the GrueneRoots & Branches of Americana

7pm

The Blooms

9:30pm

Wed 11.6

Buffalo Wings & RingsSteven Roloff & Friends

7:30pm

Riley’s TavernTyler Cannon

9pm

Watering Hole SaloonKorey & Dana Acoustic

8:30pm

Billy’s Ice HouseAaron Stephens

8pm

Cheatham Street WarehouseKent Finlay’s Songwriters Circle

9pm

Gruene HallThe Georges

6pm

The Pour HausAllan Goodman & Matthew Briggs

7pm

River Road Ice HouseTheRealBigSmo

7pm

Uptown Piano BarJohn Maclean

8pm

Vineyard at GrueneBig Daddy Dean

6pm

Located in the heart of downtown New Braunfels, the Historic Faust Hotel & Brewing Company is a one-stop destination offering a variety of House Brews, Full Bar and Tapas-Style Menu, and Redesigned Guestrooms, Suites, and Event Center, which feature 1920’s Art Deco design while incorporating modern amenities.

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Antone’sDel Castillo

w/ Patricia Vonne & the Infidels

8pm, $15-$100

The Continental ClubClub Lineup:

Blues Specialists, 6:30pm

Swamp Dogg

w/ Bobby Paterson

10pm, $12

Gallery Lineup:

The Robert Kraft Trio, 8:30pm

The Mike Flanigin Trio, 10:30pm, $5

Hooligans Bar & GrillTBA

8pm

Red Eyed FlyThe Bad Notes

w/ Fouled Out, Dragon Wrench,

Hitting Subset, Useful Idiots

8pm, Outside

Sam’s Burger JointGrupo Fantasma

w/ Chico Mann

8pm, $15-$50

Stubb’s BBQHard Proof Afrobeat

11pm, Inside, $8

Galactic

w/ Dirty Dozen Brass Band

7pm, Outside, $22.50

Sat 11.2

Antone’sPaul James

w/ McMercy Family Band, Country Willie

8pm, $8-$75

The Continental ClubClub Lineup:

Redd Volkaert, 3:30pm

Swamp Dogg

w/ Bobby Paterson

10pm, $12

Gallery Lineup:

Scarlett Olson, 8:30pm

The Mike Flanigin Trio, 10:30pm, $5

Floore’s Country StoreUncle Lucius

w/ Brian Keane

8pm, $10-$12

Hooligans Bar & GrillTBA

8pm

Red Eyed FlyHoly Ka-Kow

w/ Chasca, Bat City Rhythm,

Cape, Garage Phaze

8pm, Outside

Sam’s Burger JointShinyribs

w/ Jackshit

8pm, $15-$40

Stubb’s BBQSoja

w/ Nahko & Medicine for the People

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Faust Brewing CompanyTriviaThursday Nights, 8pm

Happy CowKaraokeThursday Nights, 8pm

Pool TournamentMonday Nights, 8pm

Old Ice HouseKaraokeThursdays, Sundays

DJWednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays

Oyster BarKaraoke Wednesday Nights, 9pm

DJSaturday Nights, 9pm

Trivia Monday Nights, 8pm

Phoenix SaloonKaraokeThursday Nights

Prickly Pear LoungeKaraokeThursdays, Saturdays

DJ KCFridays

The Watering Hole SaloonKaraokeThursdays

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diversions

TXCITIZEN.COM 13

Hey Uncle Esel,What is with all these cartoon

strips on Facebook all of a sudden? I saw one guy using them for a month or two and then one day I woke up and found dozens of them on my Facebook by several people. I guess it was cute the first time, but don’t you think it’s overdone by most people?

Thanks,Ron

Dear Ron,What you are seeing is a Facebook

app called Bitstrips. Launching in December of last year, Bitstrips was not making much of a showing until the last few weeks when they launched an update to the iPhone and Android apps that first appeared in September. It has sparked an unusually large amount of “haters” on Facebook who see it as annoying and typical of the Facebook faithful who grab onto something and blindly follow the latest trend.

The key allure to the user is the ability to create a comic book type avatar of themselves, but usually a nicer looking or slimmed down version of this “you.” Much like FarmVille, some are so annoyed that they threaten to and do unfriend people who keep posting Bitstrips, but you can take the more friendly route which is to hide Bitstrips from appearing in your feed. Uncle Esel would like to point out that he has been using an avatar for over two years now and finds that an avatar serves this Esel well.

Love, K

Uncle Esel,I was watching city council Monday

and one of the council guys asked for a vote to get more money for sidewalks for around the Lone Star school. Now I haven’t lived here for very long and I’m used to all the schools up north having sidewalks for all the kids, so I’m confused why no one supported this proposal by the council man. What kind of politics is behind this?

Thank You,Christopher

Dear Christopher,Sounds like you are referring to

Council Member Green and his attempt

to free up Community Block Development Grant money for sidewalks in one of the most underprivileged, older and most tired areas of town.

This has been a decades long problem at the formerly segregated Lone Star Elementary that elected representatives have sought help on for decades. It is extremely sad that no one on council could support even having a vote on the issue, much less helping to get those kids on to safe sidewalks and it might be telling that these are some of the same people who voted to spend money to repair and enhance downtown sidewalks that those poor kids can only dream of one day walking on.

Is it because these are Hispanic kids? Perhaps for a couple it is, but for others it’s mostly more about the fact that they don’t have any real connection to the neighborhood and the people there don’t attend their chamber mixers, etc. Don’t forget, the mayor tried very hard to help fired City Manager Morrison to close down the fire station serving these same neighborhoods. Isn’t she lovely?

Love, K

Uncle Esel,What’s the scariest Halloween

costume you’ve seen this year?JD

Dear JD,I bet you thought it would be the

mayor, and that was pretty scary, but there were plenty of others out there. This year The Walking Dead theme was pretty prevalent and I was scared by the Lebowski impersonators, not so much for the costume, but because they actually weren’t stretching to fill that role. Uncle Esel personally likes the skimpy lady costumes, but please don’t tell Mrs. Esel I said that. In the end the scariest thing had to be a tie between the apparent mayor-elect Casteel costume and the 54 year old guy dressed in a “wrecking ball” theme. Some things can never be unseen.

Love, K

Uncle K. Esel is a lifetime resident of our fair city, and is well known for his sage advice on a wide range of topics. If you find yourself perplexed with no one to turn to, send your question to Uncle Esel at: [email protected]. Be sure to write “Question for Uncle Esel” in the subject line of your email.

ADVICE FROM

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ALEMAN,ANGEL GABRIELMale • 5’07” • 230 lbsDOB: 10/18/1980CHARGE: Failure to appear - Sex offender duty to register

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JUAREZ,FILIBERTOMale • 5’05” • 145 lbsDOB: 03/18/1969CHARGE: Motion to revoke probation for possession of a controlled substance pg 1 under 1 gram

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The names listed have been released in accordance with the Texas Public Information Act Code 552.001 st.seq.annotated Public Record and Information disclosure statues.This is a true and accurate account as of Monday, October 28, 2013 at 11:15 am and may not be current by the time it is read. Do not try to apprehend anyone. For anonymous tips and rewards, please contact Crime Stoppers at: 24-Hour Phone number 830.620.3400; Mon-Fri 8am to 5pm 830.620.3411. These are listings of criminal warrants with the Sheriff’s Office and are not indicative of guilt or innocence. Officers are to verify the status of each warrant prior to making an arrest. Any person is innocent of wrongdoing unless proven guilty in a court of law.

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Braunfels

By Gustavo Arellano

Dear Mexican: My hometown of El Paso is getting a new AAA baseball team. The owning group just announced the name: The El Paso Chihuahuas. Reasons given? The origins of the dog and the city’s location in the Chihuahua desert, and that it was family-friendly. Many in this city are saying the name is offensive, while others (myself included) love the name, as it follows the team name protocol/trends of minor league baseball. Plus, the logo seems pretty awesome. So, in your most Mexican opinion, who is right?

Getting Drunk at Chope’s

Dear Wab: Neither. For one, smarty-art Mexicans need to own the Chihuahua as a fine metaphor for our raza instead of something shameful. As I wrote back in 2008, the perritos are “quintessentially Mexican: Napoleonic in complex, usually brown but available in all colors, maligned by gabachos as puny runts but secretly ferocious and smart, and bearers of muchos, muchos babies.”

If Huskies (University of Washington), Salukis (Northern Illinois University), Terriers (Boston U), pinche Scotties (Agnes Scott College), and far too many bulldogs to mention can get athletic fame and glory, why not Chihuahuas? On the other hand, the owners of the San Diego Padres affiliate planning to set up shop in Chuco named their team the Chihuahuas specifically for the publicity, so shame on them for their Hispandering. Besides, both sides are getting it not correcto: the team should be called El Paso Doubles, not just for the extra-base hit but also honor of a double order at the legendary Chico’s Tacos chain. Now THAT would be chingón.

Dear Mexican: What is with the nerve-fraying multiple sound sources required to operate a Mexican restaurant? The jukebox is hawking Shakira, Juanes or other current hair-do, the overhead sound-system continues to pump day-old Juan Gabriel, there is a boom-box blasting anonymous ranchera from the kitchen, and at least one television is spewing hysterical telenovelas or hysterical soccer matches--to no viewer.

Tacos Yes, Trumpets No

Dear Gabacho: It’s nerve-fraying only to

precious gabachos like yourself—us Mexis

can compartmentalize all the different sounds

just fine. Don’t like music with your Mexican

food? Tough tamales and tubas, tonto.

Dear Mexican: I had been married

to my Mexican wife for a while when one

day my father-in-law Adolph says, “I bet

an aleman like you probably wants to

know why my name is Adolph.” I said,

“Yeah, that’s true.”

He told me that because the

California Mexicans from days of old

and the rebels from Mexico wanted to

take the Southwest U.S. back from the

United States, and since the Germans

asked Mexico to invade America back

during World War I, maybe if the

Mexicans support Hitler he will help

them liberate California!” To me,

that kind of made sense, but I had a

different question.

“Why do all Mexicans drive Fords?”

He looked at me like I was a stupid

gringo, which I am, and told me, “I

thought you knew history; didn’t Henry

Ford support Hitler before the war?”

So what about this central California

Mexican man’s story?

El Gringo de Sangre Meclador

Dear Gabacho of Mixed Blood: Your

cuñado was f**king with you. Hitler was

just a lowly soldier in WWI, when the

Zimmerman Telegram he was referring

to was proposed. And everyone knows

why Mexicans love Fords: Enrique’s

hiring of Mexicans during Ford’s Golden

Age (“far more than any other Detroit-

area carmaker,” according to Recasting

the Machine Age: Henry Ford’s Village

Industries), was mucho appreciated, God

bless his anti-Semitic heart.

Ask the Mexican at [email protected], be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano or ask him a video question at youtube.

com/askamexicano!

ASK A MEXICAN!BLOCK BUSTER

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TXCITIZEN.COM 15

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trick-or-treat safety tips

should you receive an apple like this while trick-or-treating, remove and clean the hardware, then carefully throw the apple away. as is, this treat will cut holes in your bag, possibly costing you precious candy.

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“He had odd jobs (welder/ school bus driver, etc.) but he

always considered himself a musician �rst. I was playing at

Oma's, in June, with Phil. After three hours of pretty intense blues,

he asked me to sing one. I pulled out "Daydream Believer", by the

Monkees, for laughs. Phil was very unhappy about that, because,

to him, it compromised the integrity of the performance, and it was

his band and name. He could play very intense guitar, but chose to

play tastefully and appropriately, always. Phil moved here 35

years ago, and was never at a loss for work as a musician.”

MUSIC Last Sunday, members of the New Braunfels Blues Society gathered at Oma Gruene's Secret Garten for their Juke Joint Jam. They also said goodbye to their old friend and fellow musician Phil Stevens, who had passed away recently. Blues Society member Paul McLaughlin took a few moments to tell us about Phil. "He was a musicians musician. He lived it totally, with passion. Phil was easy going, funny and likable. When he was playing guitar with someone else, he was loose and joking. When he played HIS music (Phil Stevens Band) he was serious and passionate. He played from the heart, not from the head.

Photos courtesy ofScott Walker

TXCITIZEN.COM 17

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Win a Yeti!New Braunfels Firefighters Pipes and Drums

are raffling off two Yeti coolers (35 and 45 quart) on

December 5, 2013, at the Fire Museum Wassailfest booth!

Tickets are just $5 each,and the proceeds go to support our mission of honoring fallen Firefighters,

Law Enforcement Officers, EMS and Military Service Members. Recently our band has traveled to West, Houston, Dallas and Arizona to honor fallen heroes. As a Non-Profit 501(c)3 we depend on fundraising to make these tributes possible. We appreciate the love and support of our local community in helping us.

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Jordan Minor and the Bottom Dollar Band

Armadillo Road

TXCITIZEN.COM 19

Redskin Trouble It has come to my attention that there is a major issue on the national front that I have failed to address, and I’m sure this is at least in part due to my complete lack of interest in all things sports. After tuning it out for several weeks and otherwise ignoring it, though, I’ve finally decided to weigh in on the most pressing issue facing the nation today: the name of the Washington Redskins.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not my intent to make light of the problem or suggest that there are any number of things that might better occupy people’s concerns. Football is, after all, our national past-time, at least if you look at actual viewership. And, great minds like Charles Krauthammer and even president Obama himself have decided that the use of the name is insulting and should be stopped. This may be one of the few areas where most Americans can put aside partisanship and agree and get something done.

So, let’s change the name of the Washington Redskins.

First and foremost, I’d like to make clear that I have great sympathy for the much maligned people of the great state of Washington, who for years have had to be associated with a team other than their beloved Seahawks. The idea that the Redskins should be said to come from Washington must be painful to them each season. Because of this, I don’t think it is outlandish to suggest that Washington be dropped from the name entirely in favor of the appellation DC I think we can all agree that the DC Redskins would be far preferable and would silence a good number of the critics of the team’s name.

Even that, though, will probably not be enough. I have been made to understand that the Redskins portion of the name is also problematic to some. Some have suggested that we name football teams after things that we admire, and therefore, Redskins cannot be any kind of slur, but I think it is important that we be sensitive here. There can be no questions that Redskins was originally a derogatory term aimed at Native Americans. No matter how much times have changed, it certainly isn’t the place of any pale face to decide how such a name should be viewed by those it was once directed towards. I think the world would be

a kinder place if the Redskins portion of the name was changed as well.

Besides, I’m not sure what Redskins have to do with DC in the first place. Perhaps we could find a name that more closely reflects the nature and identity of the team’s home town. For example, the DC Politicians seems like something that might work better. I’m not wedded to that idea, of course. I can think of several names that fit along the same theme. Maybe the DC Bureaucrats would work better or the DC Public Servants.

If, instead, the team was designed to reflect DC in its current administration, I could see going with something like the DC Autocrats or maybe the DC Socialists. After the Obamacare rollout, some might want to go with the DC Incompetents. (This could probably be applied to any future administrations as well.) And, who’s to say that we must stick with plural nouns? Why can’t we have the DC Yes We Can? It could serve both as a name and a confidence boosting cheer in the 3rd quarter when you’re 15 points behind.

Returning to the notion of a name that would work for DC overall, we could chose the DC Democrats. It sounds partisan, but DC has voted that way exclusively in presidential elections since they were given a vote in 1961. (This really says something about who the party of government is.) The DC Lobbyists is another option. There are thousands of lobbyists in DC We could name the football team after them, and perhaps we wouldn’t have to give them everything else under the sun. I can also see the DC Representatives working; they already have the Senators, don’t they?

One of the other options that came up during a brainstorming session was to stick with names that were strong and respected as well as pertinent. How about the DC Agents? There are a good number of agencies in DC that carry out the will of the government professionally and with appropriate force. Why not recognize them? At least agents have guns. You don’t want to go up against Raiders or Vikings without guns.

If the DC Agents is just too broad, we could pick specific agencies and tailor the name to those agents. For the FBI we could have the DC Men in Black. (We missed the

opportunity for the DC Transvestites on this front.) For the IRS we could choose the DC Taxmen – that will scare them. The CIA could be the DC Spooks (uh… wait. That might be worse.) or the DC Assassins. The DOJ could be the DC Gunrunners; although, that would apply only to the last couple of administrations; how about the DC Gatekeepers instead. A team name based on the NSA could be called the DC Eavesdroppers, and the EPA could give us the DC Environmentalists. All of these are only suggestions, of course. The options are limitless.

Since we have already decided that it’s our place to tell privately owned entities within the NFL what their names can be, why stop with the DC whatevers? I think we should rework the structure of the NFL entirely. If football is going to be the national past-time, let’s make the whole organization a little more democratic. I think each state should have their own team and that we should get to vote on the name of our team every ten years or so.

I have some ideas in this regard too, but I should probably stick to my own state. As much as I would love to chime in on what California’s team should be named, I live in Vermont now, and I’ll stick with just that. Let me suggest the Vermont Mooseheads or the Vermont Granola Crunchers as viable options. I’m sure the readers will have plenty of ideas on what Texas’ team should be named.

I had so much fun with this football team name generation idea that it would be a shame not to share it. Put your thinking caps on, and come up with your own names. When this article goes to the website I will reenter my Vermont names. I hope that I can encourage readers to travel to the bottom of the page and comment with their own names. Start with your own states, but don’t feel like you are restricted in this regard. Feel free to come up with team names for any state you like. I would love to see others chime in on what the new DC team should be named. Pushing the envelope is often what we do here at the TX Citizen, but I do ask that people keep things clean; after all, we’re nothing if not dignified.

Last WordWith Kelly Colby

You can read more from Kelly Colby at yourfirstshrug.blogspot.com.

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TX Citizen 10.31.13