1

00:00:01,560 --> 00:00:02,800

There's definitely

something in there.

2

00:00:02,860 --> 00:00:04,570

Okay, just

tell me what happened.

3

00:00:04,630 --> 00:00:06,700

Well, I was watching

<i>hell date</i> as usual last night,

4

00:00:06,770 --> 00:00:09,700

and I was eating pretzel rods,

and I passed out.

5

00:00:09,770 --> 00:00:11,370

So I think I,

like, rolled on one

6

00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:13,240

and it broke off

in my ear or something.

7

00:00:13,310 --> 00:00:14,880

Maybe I've just been punching

you in your sleep, dude.

8

00:00:14,940 --> 00:00:16,110

Did you think about that maybe?

9

00:00:16,180 --> 00:00:18,010

That doesn't make any sense.

10

00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:19,380

Oh, it makes more sense

than you even know, Anders.

11

00:00:19,450 --> 00:00:20,480

Well, so have you then?

12

00:00:20,550 --> 00:00:21,620

- Okay.

- Maybe.

13

00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:23,180

All right, just stay still,

14

00:00:23,250 --> 00:00:25,790

because I definitely

see something in there.

15

00:00:25,850 --> 00:00:27,420

- Well, get it out!

- Okay, okay.

16

00:00:27,490 --> 00:00:28,890

Just take some deep breaths.

17

00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:30,720

Adam, can you hand me

those tweezers, please?

18

00:00:30,790 --> 00:00:32,260

What do you need

tweezers for, man? Just...

19

00:00:32,330 --> 00:00:34,160

- Tweeze me.

- Thank you.

20

00:00:34,230 --> 00:00:36,530

All right now, just hold still.

21

00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:38,300

I don't wanna

rupture any vessels.

22

00:00:38,370 --> 00:00:39,600

What?

23

00:00:39,670 --> 00:00:40,700

- [Whispers]

Oh, sweet Jesus.

24

00:00:40,770 --> 00:00:42,040

What?

What is it?

25

00:00:42,100 --> 00:00:43,270

- [Gasps]

- What's in there?

26

00:00:43,340 --> 00:00:44,940

What is it?

What? What is it?

27

00:00:45,010 --> 00:00:47,340

It's a baby cockroach!

28

00:00:47,410 --> 00:00:50,440

All: [Screaming]

29

00:00:50,510 --> 00:00:53,610

[Hip-hop music]

30

00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:54,650

♪ ♪

31

00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:57,550

♪ I'm fresh ♪

32

00:00:57,620 --> 00:00:58,950

♪ you gotta, you gotta,

you gotta ♪

33

00:00:59,020 --> 00:01:00,520

♪ you gotta be fresh ♪

34

00:01:02,660 --> 00:01:04,060

No, sir, it's not

just a washcloth.

35

00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:06,330

This zips into

your utility belt.

36

00:01:06,390 --> 00:01:09,660

And if you're on a boat,

it goes overboard, it floats.

37

00:01:09,730 --> 00:01:11,400

I know you're not a child, sir.

38

00:01:11,470 --> 00:01:13,270

Well, maybe we shouldn't

be doing business.

39

00:01:13,330 --> 00:01:15,700

Well, that's fine.

Fine.

40

00:01:15,770 --> 00:01:16,940

No, okay, well, I guess

we're not doing business.

41

00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:18,340

Check out our house,

42

00:01:18,410 --> 00:01:19,370

it looks like

a total circus tent.

43

00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:21,210

Ugh.

44

00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:22,810

That looks like

a poisonous death trap, dude.

45

00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:24,210

- How's that?

- If I were a kid,

46

00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:25,780

that's exactly

where I would hide.

47

00:01:25,850 --> 00:01:27,310

Instead of, like,

making awesome circus tents

48

00:01:27,380 --> 00:01:28,780

that kids wanna hide in,

49

00:01:28,850 --> 00:01:30,920

they should just write

"homework store" on it,

50

00:01:30,990 --> 00:01:32,420

or "homework town."

51

00:01:32,490 --> 00:01:33,650

Kids don't wanna

go to homework town.

52

00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:35,620

Dead kid problem solved.

53

00:01:35,690 --> 00:01:39,490

Yeah, or then we'd have

some dead, really smart kids.

54

00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:41,730

Well, maybe if you guys

didn't treat our house

55

00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:43,460

like the piss ditch

at burning man,

56

00:01:43,530 --> 00:01:45,400

we wouldn't have

to get it fumigated.

57

00:01:45,470 --> 00:01:46,570

Ders.

You're the bedtime maniac

58

00:01:46,630 --> 00:01:47,840

who passes out with pretzels

59

00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:49,240

and wakes up

with little brain bugs.

60

00:01:49,300 --> 00:01:50,570

Nevertheless...

61

00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:51,810

We have nowhere

to sleep for three days.

62

00:01:51,870 --> 00:01:53,540

Come on, guys,

this is our chance

63

00:01:53,610 --> 00:01:55,780

to take that camping trip

we've never talked about.

64

00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:58,280

Yeah, let's buckle up

for some high-speed bro bondage.

65

00:01:58,350 --> 00:02:00,550

Yeah, it's free, it's fun,

66

00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,320

and you just might

learn something.

67

00:02:02,380 --> 00:02:03,780

Excuse me,

could you move this box

68

00:02:03,850 --> 00:02:05,250

so I can get to the outlet?

69

00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:07,550

No prob, Bob.

70

00:02:07,620 --> 00:02:08,960

It's Bret.

71

00:02:09,020 --> 00:02:10,620

No sweat, Bret.

72

00:02:10,690 --> 00:02:12,530

- Whoa.

- Whoa!

73

00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:14,930

Look at this.

74

00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,430

Finally found a t-shirt

that's gonna house

75

00:02:16,500 --> 00:02:18,670

those bodacious "c" cups

of yours, ders.

76

00:02:18,730 --> 00:02:21,030

Come on, give me

a little shake, baby.

77

00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:23,240

Come on, mama.

Shake it for us.

78

00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:25,140

Yeah!

Shake, shake, shake it.

79

00:02:25,210 --> 00:02:27,140

- Yeah.

- How does he do that?

80

00:02:27,210 --> 00:02:29,840

- Uh, magnificent.

- Whoo, whoo!

81

00:02:29,910 --> 00:02:32,150

And let's give one

to Bret here.

82

00:02:32,210 --> 00:02:33,510

It's a parting gift.

Thanks, buddy.

83

00:02:33,580 --> 00:02:35,820

- Thank you.

- You earned it.

84

00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:38,650

Oh, that's how

it's gonna be, huh?

85

00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:41,820

This nerd show up

for one day to do my job,

86

00:02:41,890 --> 00:02:44,090

I'm here every day...

87

00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:45,730

y'all never

gave me a t-shirt.

88

00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:47,060

Montez, that's because

you're not an I.T. Guy.

89

00:02:47,130 --> 00:02:48,960

Okay, I'm not an I.T. Guy.

90

00:02:49,030 --> 00:02:51,330

All right, who took that

pornado off his computer? Hmm?

91

00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,630

Who sent y'all

all them dope web videos?

92

00:02:53,700 --> 00:02:54,670

Remember that

<i>chocolate rain,</i> huh?

93

00:02:54,740 --> 00:02:56,140

What about that gif

94

00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:57,240

where the penguin fell

through the ice?

95

00:02:57,310 --> 00:02:58,410

- Yeah.

- Remember that one?

96

00:02:58,470 --> 00:02:59,910

And that Leroy Jenkins joint?

97

00:02:59,970 --> 00:03:02,510

That was next level.

Yeah, that was good.

98

00:03:02,580 --> 00:03:03,910

But it came out,

like, five years ago.

99

00:03:03,980 --> 00:03:06,380

You don't respect the classics.

100

00:03:06,450 --> 00:03:09,020

What's next, he gonna

butt[Bleep] Mozart?

101

00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:10,820

- Ew.

- Here you go.

102

00:03:14,590 --> 00:03:16,990

I appreciate it.

103

00:03:17,060 --> 00:03:18,630

Waymond,

look what they gave me.

104

00:03:18,690 --> 00:03:20,460

Nuh, ah! That's not for you.

Come on.

105

00:03:20,530 --> 00:03:22,600

You always trying to

get stuff that's not yours.

106

00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:24,800

- That was nice of you.

- Thanks, buddy.

107

00:03:24,870 --> 00:03:27,370

- Good job.

- Oh!

108

00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,300

You okay?

109

00:03:29,370 --> 00:03:31,970

Here, spit it out.

[Coughs, wheezes]

110

00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:35,180

Are you ready to go

camping tonight, brother?

111

00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:38,750

Roger that, ranger Rick.

We are all set.

112

00:03:38,810 --> 00:03:41,650

Got those shrooms from Carl

that he brought from chico.

113

00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:44,750

I'm talking brain melter.

114

00:03:44,820 --> 00:03:46,420

I don't even know

if I wanna do any.

115

00:03:46,490 --> 00:03:49,260

- What?

- I'm scared.

116

00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:50,620

You know what,

I'll do a couple.

117

00:03:50,690 --> 00:03:51,990

Ha ha!

That's my guy.

118

00:03:52,060 --> 00:03:53,460

One or two.

Not too many, though.

119

00:03:53,530 --> 00:03:56,400

I wanna be appropriate

with those, for sure.

120

00:03:56,460 --> 00:03:59,330

- Wanna do some right now?

- Hey.

121

00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:01,270

- Hey, dickholes.

- Alice, hey.

122

00:04:01,340 --> 00:04:02,970

So I don't know if

you've heard this or not,

123

00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:04,740

but there's been

a series of burglaries

124

00:04:04,810 --> 00:04:06,370

in cars in the area.

125

00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:07,910

Anyway, we're gonna

be beefing up security,

126

00:04:07,980 --> 00:04:09,780

so I just wanted

to let you know that.

127

00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:11,580

I hope they don't

put any language alarms in,

128

00:04:11,650 --> 00:04:13,650

because you cuss a lot.

[Laughing]

129

00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:15,480

You won't need

too much extra security,

130

00:04:15,550 --> 00:04:17,880

because we've already got

Sirs ve and Lance right here.

131

00:04:17,950 --> 00:04:20,990

Sirs ve, Lance, ve.

132

00:04:21,060 --> 00:04:22,590

What the [Bleep]

Does that mean?

133

00:04:22,660 --> 00:04:24,630

Anyways, I could

walk you to your car tonight

134

00:04:24,690 --> 00:04:26,730

if you were worried

about the burglars.

135

00:04:26,790 --> 00:04:29,230

Wow.

Adam, that would be...

136

00:04:29,300 --> 00:04:31,330

actually, that

would be really great.

137

00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,270

Really?

138

00:04:33,330 --> 00:04:34,770

No, you [Bleep]Head.

Of course not.

139

00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:35,970

- Ah.

- [Chuckles]

140

00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:37,270

You think walking to my car

141

00:04:37,340 --> 00:04:38,470

with a four-foot

12-year-old

142

00:04:38,540 --> 00:04:40,240

is really gonna

spook away any bad guys?

143

00:04:40,310 --> 00:04:43,110

I don't think so.

Four-foot-tall 12-year-old...

144

00:04:43,180 --> 00:04:45,650

I can bench press 220,

so whatever.

145

00:04:45,710 --> 00:04:47,380

- Just shut up, Adam.

- Right on.

146

00:04:47,450 --> 00:04:51,180

[Electronic music]

147

00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:59,030

♪ ♪

148

00:05:11,570 --> 00:05:14,440

Hey.

149

00:05:19,580 --> 00:05:23,750

But it turns out

the whole entire camp...

150

00:05:23,820 --> 00:05:25,490

[Whispers] Was haunted.

151

00:05:25,550 --> 00:05:27,620

[Plays recorded

shrieks and screams]

152

00:05:27,690 --> 00:05:29,720

Oh. [Chuckles]

That was scary!

153

00:05:29,790 --> 00:05:32,330

Bro, you totally just

m. Mike Salomon-ed me.

154

00:05:32,390 --> 00:05:34,530

M. Mike.

Now he's a real storyteller.

155

00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:36,460

Dude, tell that story again.

156

00:05:36,530 --> 00:05:39,270

But this time...

157

00:05:39,330 --> 00:05:40,930

On shrooms.

158

00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,640

Ooh. Okeydoke.

159

00:05:42,700 --> 00:05:44,240

Please don't,

I don't need to hear about

160

00:05:44,310 --> 00:05:46,210

how some guy is getting

raped with a buzz saw again.

161

00:05:46,270 --> 00:05:48,380

Uh, it was a chainsaw, ders.

162

00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:50,680

How's a ghost gonna rape

someone with a buzz saw?

163

00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:52,710

Idiot.

Either way,

164

00:05:52,780 --> 00:05:54,380

come get some of

Carl's grody toadstools.

165

00:05:54,450 --> 00:05:55,850

- Yum.

- Mmm.

166

00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,380

- Mmm.

- Mmm.

167

00:05:57,450 --> 00:05:59,390

Ders, you want in on this?

168

00:05:59,450 --> 00:06:02,160

I think ders should

maybe take a little naparoo.

169

00:06:02,220 --> 00:06:04,590

Let us wolves howl

at the moon like we do.

170

00:06:04,660 --> 00:06:07,130

Ow!

171

00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,860

I'm a coyote with sunglasses.

172

00:06:08,930 --> 00:06:10,130

Yeah, you are.

Woof.

173

00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:11,630

Okay, first of all, dickheads,

174

00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:13,430

I'm not going to bed.

It's 7:45.

175

00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:14,740

And secondly why

do you think I would

176

00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:16,100

let you drink all my Kahlua

177

00:06:16,170 --> 00:06:17,470

and not expect me to want

178

00:06:17,540 --> 00:06:19,040

some of your

drug stuff in return?

179

00:06:19,110 --> 00:06:21,340

This will make

your brain go all like...

180

00:06:21,410 --> 00:06:22,610

And you can't handle that.

181

00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:23,980

Adam, I can do a drug, okay?

182

00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,750

I can drop shrooms.

183

00:06:25,810 --> 00:06:27,680

Plus, I don't wanna

babysit you guys all night.

184

00:06:27,750 --> 00:06:29,920

Hey, Adam...

Ders can have one.

185

00:06:29,980 --> 00:06:31,790

A little doggy, a little pup.

186

00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:34,290

But hey, don't you

flip out on me.

187

00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:37,120

I don't want you

just throwing bows, okay?

188

00:06:37,190 --> 00:06:38,560

Gotta be cool.

189

00:06:38,630 --> 00:06:41,800

Blake, I'm a pretty cool guy.

190

00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:47,470

Get with the showgram.

191

00:06:47,540 --> 00:06:49,400

To me, they taste

like cinnamon toast crunch.

192

00:06:49,470 --> 00:06:50,540

Minus the cinnamon.

193

00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:52,470

And the crunch as well.

194

00:06:52,540 --> 00:06:54,140

Oh, my God,

you guys do these a lot?

195

00:06:54,210 --> 00:06:55,680

'Cause they're gross.

196

00:06:55,740 --> 00:06:57,110

It tastes like what I think

197

00:06:57,180 --> 00:06:59,150

rumpelstiltskin

might taste like.

198

00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:01,480

- They're good, right?

- Oh, yeah.

199

00:07:01,550 --> 00:07:03,480

Do your legs

feel like puddings?

200

00:07:03,550 --> 00:07:06,250

Swimming in

the swimming pool of life.

201

00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:08,120

Imagine this is the nucleus,

202

00:07:08,190 --> 00:07:09,720

and we're all little neurons.

203

00:07:09,790 --> 00:07:11,730

Are we in the lighthouse?

204

00:07:15,730 --> 00:07:16,960

[Babbling]

205

00:07:17,030 --> 00:07:20,770

Will you take

this world by storm?

206

00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:23,200

[Imitating monkey]

207

00:07:23,270 --> 00:07:25,910

- Pretty boy.

- ♪ You are my star ♪

208

00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,210

♪ I like spending ♪

209

00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:31,750

[Deep voice]

♪ summers ♪

210

00:07:31,810 --> 00:07:33,880

♪ in the mall ♪

211

00:07:33,950 --> 00:07:35,320

[High-pitched voice]

♪ with my girlfriend ♪

212

00:07:35,380 --> 00:07:37,150

♪ the yellow star ♪

213

00:07:37,220 --> 00:07:41,420

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

All: [Laughing]

214

00:07:57,370 --> 00:08:01,140

This one goes out to

the late, great John candy, mon!

215

00:08:01,210 --> 00:08:03,180

We are the bobsled team.

216

00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:07,980

Ma ma se, ma ma sa, ma coo sa.

217

00:08:08,050 --> 00:08:12,450

Am I tripping, or did

I just see two dudes in there?

218

00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:14,350

We've got company.

219

00:08:23,060 --> 00:08:25,170

Take it.

Get it, get it, get it, get it.

220

00:08:25,230 --> 00:08:27,800

- Ow, who is that? Adam?

- That's okay.

221

00:08:27,870 --> 00:08:29,040

- Go, go, go.

- Let it down easy.

222

00:08:29,100 --> 00:08:31,440

Let her down easy.

Shh, quiet.

223

00:08:31,510 --> 00:08:33,370

There are actual

robbers here right now!

224

00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:35,180

Is anyone gonna

help me deflate this?

225

00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:38,010

Oh, so now you wanna go

on a magic carpet ride, huh?

226

00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:39,750

I just wanna have

a plan to get out of here.

227

00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:42,020

We could start robbing

the place ourselves,

228

00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:43,820

and then when we see

the burglars we can be like,

229

00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:45,050

"what are you guys doing here?

You guys are burglaring this?

230

00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:46,550

I thought

we had this today."

231

00:08:46,620 --> 00:08:48,120

Are you insane?

I'm calling the cops.

232

00:08:48,190 --> 00:08:50,460

Ugh.

Get over yourself.

233

00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:53,660

What the hell are you doing?

234

00:08:53,730 --> 00:08:55,200

Okay, no.

All right?

235

00:08:55,260 --> 00:08:56,900

Because I'm pretty sure

236

00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,400

we have broken more laws

than the burglars.

237

00:08:58,470 --> 00:09:00,400

We're trespassing,

I did some things

238

00:09:00,470 --> 00:09:02,240

in the girls bathroom

I shouldn't talk about,

239

00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:04,640

and we have a ton of drugs.

240

00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:07,070

Do we? I can

take care of that for us.

241

00:09:07,140 --> 00:09:09,380

Teamwork for my friends.

242

00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:10,710

Okay, is that the smartest

thing to do right now?

243

00:09:10,780 --> 00:09:12,680

Get more shroomed out?

Mm-hmm.

244

00:09:12,750 --> 00:09:15,380

Ders, this is our night

at the museum, okay?

245

00:09:15,450 --> 00:09:18,750

And this exhibit,

he's coming to life.

246

00:09:18,820 --> 00:09:20,390

How many shrooms

have you dropped?

247

00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:21,890

- A lot.

- How many?

248

00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,520

How many shrooms

have you dropped? [Echoing]

249

00:09:23,590 --> 00:09:25,690

How many shrooms

have you dropped?

250

00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:28,500

- A lot.

- Hey, I've got it.

251

00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:30,760

It's so obvious,

it's so simple,

252

00:09:30,830 --> 00:09:32,170

they'll never see it coming.

253

00:09:32,230 --> 00:09:34,340

Let's walk right out

the front door.

254

00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:35,570

Blake!

255

00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:37,070

You're the smartest guy I know.

256

00:09:37,140 --> 00:09:38,910

You're like bo Jackson.

Adam...

257

00:09:38,970 --> 00:09:42,040

Inside voices.

258

00:09:42,110 --> 00:09:44,950

[Elevator dings]

259

00:09:48,820 --> 00:09:50,720

Oh, my God, we're dead.

We're dead, we're dead.

260

00:09:50,790 --> 00:09:52,150

We're not gonna

get murdered, ders.

261

00:09:52,220 --> 00:09:53,820

We're not gonna

get stabbed repeatedly

262

00:09:53,890 --> 00:09:55,460

in the face and body,

and left for dead.

263

00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:57,090

Adam, the entire building

is locked down.

264

00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:58,630

The front door's

the only way out.

265

00:09:58,690 --> 00:10:00,430

I think one of those guys

had a gun on his person.

266

00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:02,130

No, that's it.

It's so obvious, it's so simple.

267

00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:03,830

They'll never see it coming.

268

00:10:03,900 --> 00:10:06,400

We go through the biggest

front door of them all...

269

00:10:06,470 --> 00:10:07,740

The roof.

270

00:10:16,380 --> 00:10:17,650

Let's go.

271

00:10:17,710 --> 00:10:21,320

Shh.

272

00:10:21,380 --> 00:10:23,250

Okay, cool,

where's the fire escape?

273

00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:25,890

Well, there is no fire escape,

274

00:10:25,950 --> 00:10:28,090

but maybe you've heard

of the classic tale

275

00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:30,120

by...Who wrote <i>Rapunzel?</i>

276

00:10:30,190 --> 00:10:31,760

What are you talking about?

277

00:10:31,830 --> 00:10:33,130

Whatever, I'll jump.

I don't care, dude.

278

00:10:33,190 --> 00:10:34,630

- Please do.

- No, no, I'm serious.

279

00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:36,860

Like, we should ponytail

our clothes together,

280

00:10:36,930 --> 00:10:38,600

and rapunzel down.

281

00:10:38,670 --> 00:10:40,570

- You mean rappel.

- No, rapunzel.

282

00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,170

Actually, curiously,

283

00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:43,470

that's where the

word "rappel" comes from.

284

00:10:43,540 --> 00:10:45,340

"Rapunzel."

No, it's not.

285

00:10:45,410 --> 00:10:46,910

But that's not

a bad idea; I'm in.

286

00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:50,080

Okay.

287

00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,850

Are you guys cold?

288

00:10:52,910 --> 00:10:54,780

What?

They're spanx, all right?

289

00:10:54,850 --> 00:10:56,480

Haven't been

to the gym a lot lately

290

00:10:56,550 --> 00:10:57,950

and they keep me tight.

Is that why you're flexing?

291

00:10:58,020 --> 00:11:00,190

I'm not flexing

right now, dude.

292

00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:02,020

Are you flexing?

Definitely not flexing.

293

00:11:02,090 --> 00:11:03,760

- You're flexing for sure.

- No, you're flexing.

294

00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,060

- You're flexing, dude.

- I'm not flexing right now.

295

00:11:05,130 --> 00:11:06,960

I'm a stress eater.

296

00:11:07,030 --> 00:11:08,160

And I've been eating

a lot lately,

297

00:11:08,230 --> 00:11:09,530

so I need spanx.

Okay, yes.

298

00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:11,130

Are you okay with that?

299

00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:12,230

You're stress eating

some high-class boomers.

300

00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:13,900

I need you focused.

301

00:11:13,970 --> 00:11:15,870

Fine, I'm

the best thrower anyway.

302

00:11:15,940 --> 00:11:19,110

No, no, no, no.

Don't, don't, don't!

303

00:11:19,170 --> 00:11:21,210

What are you doing?

Stop!

304

00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:25,110

Stop!

Stop, stop!

305

00:11:25,180 --> 00:11:28,650

Stop it, Adam!

Stop!

306

00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:30,620

Sto... you're

not listening!

307

00:11:38,430 --> 00:11:40,360

We start bringing

guns to work, man.

308

00:11:40,430 --> 00:11:42,500

Then we wouldn't have

this issue, like, ever.

309

00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:44,130

We would just be like,

"you're robbing us?"

310

00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:45,900

Yeah, absolutely.

311

00:11:45,970 --> 00:11:49,440

Guns are at least

two-handed swords.

312

00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:50,700

Sword?

Cut me, bro.

313

00:11:50,770 --> 00:11:52,470

Cut me...

bro.

314

00:11:52,540 --> 00:11:56,980

♪ Cause I'm a stabbin' dude

with raditude ♪

315

00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,650

♪ do, do, do, do, do, do, do ♪

316

00:11:58,710 --> 00:12:00,080

Shut up.

317

00:12:00,150 --> 00:12:01,750

Are you trying

to get me killed?

318

00:12:01,820 --> 00:12:03,750

- Are you flexing again?

- No.

319

00:12:03,820 --> 00:12:05,420

You look like you are.

320

00:12:05,490 --> 00:12:06,820

I'm not flexing

right now, you are.

321

00:12:06,890 --> 00:12:08,520

Yeah, I always am.

322

00:12:08,590 --> 00:12:10,090

And you need to take

some time out of your day

323

00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:11,690

and work on your body,

324

00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:13,560

'cause it's

an embarrassment, bro.

325

00:12:13,630 --> 00:12:16,860

Come on, let's go.

We're not safe here anymore.

326

00:12:18,330 --> 00:12:20,300

Whoa.

I just got an awesome idea.

327

00:12:20,370 --> 00:12:21,640

Stop it.

328

00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:22,940

Those shrooms you made me take

329

00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,710

are making me

sick to my stomach.

330

00:12:24,770 --> 00:12:26,070

Whoa, whoa, whoa, brother.

331

00:12:26,140 --> 00:12:27,470

Those shrooms

were all you, buddy.

332

00:12:27,540 --> 00:12:29,540

Ders, succumbing

to peer pressure.

333

00:12:29,610 --> 00:12:31,580

What's new, ders?

I don't do that.

334

00:12:31,650 --> 00:12:34,210

- What's new, ders?

- We have to get out of here.

335

00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,080

We have to go!

Can fly in this thing.

336

00:12:36,150 --> 00:12:37,820

- Adam, you can't fly.

- I'm like one of

337

00:12:37,890 --> 00:12:40,420

those dragons

from <i>Avatar,</i> remember?

338

00:12:40,490 --> 00:12:41,790

They flew on them.

They were like...

339

00:12:41,860 --> 00:12:45,190

[High-pitched screeching]

340

00:12:45,260 --> 00:12:47,290

Adam, stop.

341

00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:49,560

Adam, I cannot

handle this any more.

342

00:12:49,630 --> 00:12:51,070

I'm gonna go wait

in the bathroom.

343

00:12:51,130 --> 00:12:53,800

Stop it.

I'm going to the bathroom.

344

00:12:53,870 --> 00:12:56,900

Bye-bye.

T-T-Y-L.

345

00:12:56,970 --> 00:12:59,270

Lol. Jk.

Give me the stapler.

346

00:12:59,340 --> 00:13:01,240

Not about to be

the only guy without it.

347

00:13:01,310 --> 00:13:02,140

- How many?

- Two.

348

00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,210

There you go again,

overachieving.

349

00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:07,950

Miss you, dude.

350

00:13:08,020 --> 00:13:12,820

Ahh.

351

00:13:12,890 --> 00:13:15,720

Oh, man,

that's cool-looking.

352

00:13:15,790 --> 00:13:18,630

[Whistling]

353

00:13:35,340 --> 00:13:38,950

God damn it.

354

00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:53,410

I got you, baby.

355

00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:55,080

[Toilet flushes]

356

00:13:55,150 --> 00:13:59,580

[Scratching]

357

00:13:59,650 --> 00:14:01,380

[Phone vibrates]

358

00:14:01,450 --> 00:14:03,020

Whoa.

359

00:14:03,090 --> 00:14:05,560

Dude, he just sent me

a picture of a knife.

360

00:14:05,620 --> 00:14:06,890

I think he might

really be in trouble.

361

00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:09,090

Oh, my God, a photo of a knife?

362

00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,660

Terrifying.

363

00:14:11,730 --> 00:14:13,200

I've got about

two more hours on this

364

00:14:13,260 --> 00:14:15,100

and then we'll get to go home.

365

00:14:15,170 --> 00:14:16,870

Okay?

Believe in me.

366

00:14:16,930 --> 00:14:20,300

Adam, you know our motto.

367

00:14:20,370 --> 00:14:24,540

No ders left behind.

368

00:14:24,610 --> 00:14:26,880

The thing about ders is...

369

00:14:26,940 --> 00:14:30,080

He's supposed to die tonight.

370

00:14:30,150 --> 00:14:33,580

I'm on a real spiritual high

right now, brother.

371

00:14:33,650 --> 00:14:35,620

Real high.

372

00:14:35,690 --> 00:14:38,250

It's the prophecy.

373

00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:42,630

It was foretold, like,

a 1,000 years before dinosaurs.

374

00:14:42,690 --> 00:14:45,960

And as cool as that sounds,

375

00:14:46,030 --> 00:14:51,630

how awesome would it be

to deny the prophecy?

376

00:14:56,310 --> 00:14:58,710

Let's do it for the dinosaurs.

377

00:14:58,780 --> 00:15:02,380

What does that mean?

378

00:15:02,450 --> 00:15:03,910

I think that means

let's go save ders.

379

00:15:03,980 --> 00:15:04,850

- All right.

- Okay.

380

00:15:13,590 --> 00:15:15,890

Well, well, well.

381

00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:18,390

The server room.

What are these guys up to?

382

00:15:22,330 --> 00:15:24,730

Jackpot.

383

00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:28,500

This is bigger than we thought.

384

00:15:28,570 --> 00:15:31,370

[Door squeaks]

385

00:15:38,580 --> 00:15:41,020

[Screams]

386

00:15:41,090 --> 00:15:43,190

No, please don't cut me.

387

00:15:43,250 --> 00:15:45,350

You came back.

388

00:15:45,420 --> 00:15:47,520

I almost just killed you.

389

00:15:47,590 --> 00:15:48,990

Are you okay?

390

00:15:49,060 --> 00:15:50,390

I've been nothing but worried.

391

00:15:50,460 --> 00:15:51,460

I shouldn't have left you guys.

392

00:15:51,530 --> 00:15:53,060

You guys are my rocks.

393

00:15:53,130 --> 00:15:54,460

Thank you.

394

00:15:54,530 --> 00:15:56,500

[Sniffs]

Look, we are not safe here.

395

00:15:56,570 --> 00:15:58,670

No one's safe.

396

00:15:58,740 --> 00:16:01,270

They got in the server room,

hacked into the networks.

397

00:16:01,340 --> 00:16:03,340

I know I'm really high

right now, guys,

398

00:16:03,410 --> 00:16:04,940

but I don't think

I'm exaggerating

399

00:16:05,010 --> 00:16:07,810

when I say this goes all

the way up to the vice president

400

00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:11,180

of the continental

United States of America.

401

00:16:11,250 --> 00:16:12,480

Biden.

402

00:16:12,550 --> 00:16:14,020

How are we

gonna get out of here?

403

00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:15,490

We aren't.

404

00:16:15,550 --> 00:16:18,020

We've gotta

stand up for justice.

405

00:16:18,090 --> 00:16:19,620

We're gonna protect what's ours

406

00:16:19,690 --> 00:16:21,220

and take back

what we never had,

407

00:16:21,290 --> 00:16:23,690

because if the history channel

taught us anything

408

00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:26,130

besides the culture

of ice road trucking,

409

00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:30,700

it's that history defines

men by moments and [Bleep].

410

00:16:30,770 --> 00:16:33,940

And gentledudes,

this is our moment.

411

00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:37,510

Because if we don't

learn from history channel...

412

00:16:37,570 --> 00:16:39,880

We're doomed to repeat

history channel.

413

00:16:39,940 --> 00:16:42,110

Let's go kill these dudes.

414

00:16:42,180 --> 00:16:44,110

I didn't cry for no reason.

415

00:16:44,180 --> 00:16:45,680

[Toilet flushes]

416

00:16:45,750 --> 00:16:47,520

Okay, so what're

we looking at here?

417

00:16:47,580 --> 00:16:49,420

This is the burglar Buster.

418

00:16:49,490 --> 00:16:51,990

It's basically the eliminator

from <i>American gladiators,</i>

419

00:16:52,060 --> 00:16:54,220

mixed with all the cool

laser parts from <i>entrapment...</i>

420

00:16:54,290 --> 00:16:56,360

you know, the

Catherine Zeta-Jones vehicle.

421

00:16:56,430 --> 00:16:57,860

Yeah, it's a classic.

422

00:16:57,930 --> 00:16:59,730

But how do we know

this is going to work?

423

00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:03,930

Because it was

designed by the best.

424

00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,970

♪ Catherine Zeta-Jones ♪

425

00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:09,840

♪ she dips beneath lasers ♪

426

00:17:09,910 --> 00:17:12,480

♪ ooh ♪

427

00:17:12,540 --> 00:17:14,580

I'll get on the P.A.

To get their attention,

428

00:17:14,650 --> 00:17:16,180

then using Adam as bait,

429

00:17:16,250 --> 00:17:18,510

we lure them

through our gauntlet.

430

00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:20,620

First up, the lazer jungle.

431

00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:21,850

What's that supposed to do?

432

00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:23,790

Physically?

Nothing.

433

00:17:23,850 --> 00:17:27,320

But mentally...

Total destruction.

434

00:17:27,390 --> 00:17:31,030

Ooh, I like that.

435

00:17:31,090 --> 00:17:34,760

Then Adam triggers the

water jug pendulums of death,

436

00:17:34,830 --> 00:17:36,930

driving them into...

437

00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,800

Our ether-net.

438

00:17:38,870 --> 00:17:42,540

Which, you guessed it,

is a net of ethernet cables.

439

00:17:42,610 --> 00:17:44,910

And if these guys happen

to be super-shredder status

440

00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:46,540

and get through all of that,

441

00:17:46,610 --> 00:17:49,010

then I'll be there with

our last line of defense...

442

00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:51,750

just plain old

sharpened broomsticks.

443

00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:53,150

Just like that scene

in <i>Braveheart.</i>

444

00:17:53,220 --> 00:17:56,050

[Devilish laughter]

445

00:18:13,830 --> 00:18:15,160

All right, let's do this.

446

00:18:15,230 --> 00:18:16,630

We're doing it.

447

00:18:16,700 --> 00:18:17,930

[Loud intercom beep]

448

00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,400

Warning.

449

00:18:19,470 --> 00:18:22,240

You have activated

the laser alarm system.

450

00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:24,540

These are not laser pointers.

451

00:18:24,610 --> 00:18:27,580

They're real lasers

that burn through human flesh.

452

00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:31,110

You're probably like...

Lasers in an office buil...

453

00:18:31,180 --> 00:18:32,780

Anyways, you should

be really freaked out.

454

00:18:32,850 --> 00:18:35,050

Adam, that's your cue.

455

00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:42,220

Leroy Jenkins!

456

00:18:42,290 --> 00:18:43,290

Both: [Coughing]

457

00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:44,460

God damn it, Leroy.

458

00:18:44,530 --> 00:18:46,490

Sorry, I had to do it.

459

00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:48,030

I'm kind of a Maverick

460

00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:49,730

and I just don't

give a shoot, you know?

461

00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,130

You guys feel me though, right?

462

00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:54,500

I feel you.

You're like my new hero.

463

00:18:54,570 --> 00:18:55,670

Maybe we should tie them up.

464

00:18:55,740 --> 00:18:57,540

- Okay.

- Yeah.

465

00:18:57,610 --> 00:18:59,170

So you thought you

could just come in here

466

00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:00,640

and throw down on our turf?

467

00:19:00,710 --> 00:19:02,640

On our turf?

That's what you thought?

468

00:19:02,710 --> 00:19:03,980

I guess you guys

forgot to expect

469

00:19:04,050 --> 00:19:05,750

the unexpected!

470

00:19:05,810 --> 00:19:07,880

Like I said,

I'm with tech support.

471

00:19:07,950 --> 00:19:10,520

I met you, like, six hours ago.

472

00:19:10,590 --> 00:19:12,320

This is my part...

this is my partner, Cory.

473

00:19:12,390 --> 00:19:15,420

Oh, very clever.

474

00:19:15,490 --> 00:19:16,920

So you come in during the day

475

00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,930

hidden in plain sight

to case the joint.

476

00:19:18,990 --> 00:19:21,060

You are not

gonna get the codes.

477

00:19:21,130 --> 00:19:23,900

But you will tell us

what Joe biden's after.

478

00:19:23,970 --> 00:19:25,370

What does Joe biden want?

479

00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:26,830

Please, just don't hurt us.

480

00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:28,600

[Laughing]

Us hurt you?

481

00:19:28,670 --> 00:19:30,140

That's hilarious,

we're not the ones

482

00:19:30,210 --> 00:19:31,840

dropping knives in bathrooms.

483

00:19:31,910 --> 00:19:34,310

That's right, I was

in there watching you.

484

00:19:34,380 --> 00:19:37,150

I carry a knife with me

because I was sexually assaulted

485

00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:39,210

in a mall food court

last spring.

486

00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:40,420

Sorry I like to feel protected.

487

00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,020

I'm sorry.

488

00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:43,620

We're just here

to reboot the system.

489

00:19:43,690 --> 00:19:45,150

We can't... we can't

do it during the day

490

00:19:45,220 --> 00:19:46,290

when the servers are in use.

491

00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:47,990

- Right!

- Yeah.

492

00:19:48,060 --> 00:19:51,030

Okay! Like I can't

test your little lie, buddy?

493

00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:52,830

I can just open up

a program right here...

494

00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:55,260

Holy [Bleep], this is fast.

495

00:19:55,330 --> 00:19:58,170

Did you install

snow leopard for pc on this?

496

00:19:58,230 --> 00:19:59,770

- No way, let me see.

- This is good.

497

00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:01,540

Wow, look at all those tabs.

498

00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,100

Wait, are you printing

and watching a video?

499

00:20:03,170 --> 00:20:05,010

I don't know

what I'm doing right now.

500

00:20:05,070 --> 00:20:06,710

[Chuckles]

Um, so hey, um...

501

00:20:06,780 --> 00:20:08,280

Our collective bad.

502

00:20:08,340 --> 00:20:10,140

I could've sworn you had a gun.

503

00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:12,610

Nope, that's a pager.

You still got one of those.

504

00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:14,520

That's a common mistake.

505

00:20:18,190 --> 00:20:20,490

So...

506

00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:23,060

Do you guys like shrooms?

507

00:20:23,130 --> 00:20:24,560

Both: Yes, please.

508

00:20:24,630 --> 00:20:27,400

♪ Catherine

Zeta-Jones ♪

509

00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:30,100

♪ she dips beneath the lasers ♪

510

00:20:30,170 --> 00:20:32,570

♪ ooh ♪

511

00:20:32,630 --> 00:20:36,500

All:

♪ she has entrapped me ♪

512

00:20:36,570 --> 00:20:39,510

♪ and Sean Connery ♪

513

00:20:39,580 --> 00:20:41,810

♪ ooh ♪

514

00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:45,250

♪ Catherine Zeta-Jones ♪

515

00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:48,220

♪ she dips beneath lasers ♪

516

00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:53,250

♪ ooh, oh ♪

517

00:20:55,820 --> 00:20:58,130

Nice.

518

00:20:58,130 --> 00:21:01,130

Sync and corrected by mlmlte

www.addic7ed.com