!e PioneerISSUE  2

FEB  3,  2011

Page  8 Backpage*giggles*

!is week, !e Backpage had our own reporter get down to the nitty gritty of I-week. Here, she in-terviews an anonymous newly-initiated "rst-year:

Pio: So, do you guys undergo any physical changes? I noticed you’re rocking the J-Biebs style hair, yet we haven’t seen you on lesbian-swholooklikejustinbieber.tumblr.com (awkward pause), so we’re forced to believe these are Greek shenanigans. Is this true?Justin Bieber Doppelganger: I can neither con-!rm nor deny that we were all forced to get bowl cuts. Although, I do believe Prentiss Dining Hall is missing a large quantity of bowls.Pio: Okay, so let’s just say you had to get bowl

cuts. How does this strengthen the bonds of sis-terhood?JBD: It’s really helpful not having hair in my face during the naked candle ceremony!Pio: Wait. What?JBD: Huh?Pio: You just said “naked candle ceremony.”JBD: No, I didn’t.Pio: Pretty sure you did.JBD: Naked Super Smash Bros. tourney.Pio: What?JBD: No further comment. (Subject runs away from interviewer, shiny locks of Bieber hair whipping back and forth)

In t on: On L ss

L n l G rl

1. If you’re not into white guys, transfer. Transfer now. 2. Don’t be ashamed about drinking in or before Encounters. Drink every time the overeager kid who is “majoring in philosophy” raises his hand and repeats what the professor just said. 3. Whitman actually does not have a uniform. All those people are wearing plaid of their own volition. 4. If you notice a weird silence on your way to dinner at Jewett, don’t be alarmed. "at’s just Lyman. 5. Creeping on People Search is basi-cally a minor at Whitman.

6. BSU will host a dance with a title that should strike you as perpetuating stereo-types, but you end up deciding it’s prob-ably okay since they came up with it. 7. Despite what your awkward room-mate might try to tell you, Magic Cards were never cool. 8. About once a semester, Whitman will bring a band to campus. It’ll be that one band that you pretended to like in order to hit on that hipster girl at the record store. You have to go to a state school for Macklemore.

Things Jan Starts

should know

Asian Studies: You are probably Asian.Biology: You are pre-med and/or uncreative.Chemistry: You don’t value your a#ernoons, and you de!nitely are not getting laid.Economics: Hustlenomic$English: A degree to lay down sick beats that $ow like a river.Environmental Studies - _____________: Adding ES to a major means nothing more than the regular major would, you just have to do more (bullshit) work.Gender Studies: Seriously?Math: "e square root of 69 is 8 somethin’, right? ‘Cause I’ve been tryna work it out, oh!Philosophy: "e only major that really counts.Race and Ethnic Studies: You are a white girl.

Salute the major

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8"e Backpage decided to do Whitman a kindness and give the Jan Starts a heads-up. We've compiled our wisdom into a handy little list.

Are you wondering what your major translates to in the real world? Maybe you are just regretting having switched out of BBMB into theater. In any case, we're o%ering a sampling of what some popular Whitman majors truly mean.

ACROSS1. Flightless bird4. Muqtada al-_____8. Minute or house12. Ghana capital14. Sword, to Pierre15. Rick’s $ame in “Casablanca”16. What the Sustainability Com-mittee took?18. Deceiver19. "e white of the eye20. “_____ for one … ”21. Lois of “Superman”

22. _____ Bizkit24. A pyramid, for one26. His Noodley Appendage, abbr.29. “Shucks!”31. Liver or brat34. Hoppy alc. bev.35. “_____ the Wild”37. Unprocessed chocolate39. Noah’s worst fear come true on Ankeny?43. “Don’t _____ on me”44. Loveseat or divan, for example45. For, to Juan46. Pre!x to porosis48. “_____ Get Together”

50. Sea-Tac stat.51. Tail-less cat53. What statistics draw on55. Johnny Bravo’s parent58. Collection60. Cantaloupe or honeydew64. Actor McGregor65. Second semester starter for the Greeks?67. Tear68. Native dwelling69. Musa of medieval Mali70. Brother of Jacob71. State of comfortability72. “I like _____”

DOWN1. New England NCAA grouping2. One thousand two hundred !#y3. “Family Matters” character Steve4. “_____ what I mean?”5. Sports medicine org.6. Distributed7. Till again8. San Francisco suburb9. Shawkat of “Arrested Develop-ment”10. Northeastern "ai province11. Challenge12. Sit-up muscles

13. Medieval Catholic courtyards17. Vice president Hannibal23. Flashes of hunger25. Excessive26. Black power symbol27. Vice president Agnew28. Like lion fur and some facial hair30. Bar seat32. Rune or land33. A gypsy’s hand?36. Murdered, to Don Vito38. Gumbo must40. Nepal capital

41. “"at’s the right ______”42. Japanese mat47. At the location itself49. It might be blown o%52. Ancient Greek etiquette54. Mongolian range55. Nothing better than56. Dread57. Energy to cast spells, in Magic59. Paycheck supplements61. Babe’s utterance?62. "e front end of a jet63. Airport of the O.C.66. It’s o#en worn with a vest

by ADAM BRAYTONPuzzle  Slut

SONG

JOHANSON

CROSSWORD

COMIC

kanyekanyewest  Kanye  WestI  just  threw  some  bassoon  on  this  muthaf**ka.

tweet of the week

Reasons to

study abroad